Limerance Journal: Help Needed

[Casanova Newhouse]

Update:
Yesterday was all heavy lifting emotionally. I spoke at the family's request at a memorial service for a dear friend; an adorable dynamo with whom I served the community for decades in many different capacities. We lost her far too young.

I rarely use notes because I come off like an inebriated robot, but felt I needed them to keep from losing it. I rarely glanced at them, only when I felt an emotional wave cresting. It worked. I barely got through my eight minutes - lots of laughter as the widower requested - then I let out a sob just as I reached the climax. The entire standing-room-only crowd, all 300 people, seemed to sob with me. Freud called it the "oceanic feeling." We were all in that moment together, in our grief and loss, and it made it not only manageable, but almost like a celebration. As though this were one final act of service from our friend to bring us all together.

Given that public speaking was once my number one terror, I've come a long way to orchestrating a mass moment of shared feelings like that. Now if I could only master approaching women the same way. Odd that I can grab a mike in front of hundreds of people and carry the room but freeze up saying hi to even middling women. The hell's up with that!

The ex-ex of course was there. She seemed to avoid me, and I wanted to hear what snarky comment she'd make regarding the whole thing. When I caught up with her, she had tears in her eyes as she thanked me for putting to words all the things people were feeling. Just like that I can feel myself getting sucked back in.

Meanwhile, afterwards at the reception and at the smaller, catered gathering at the house, I made it a point to compliment women on their shoes, hair, smiles etc. Scattershot, not just hot ones, also old ones, young ones, fat and skinny, spreading the love around. Given that everyone was approaching to compliment me (and the other three speakers, who were all wonderful) it made it easy. I love people.

I would really like to get myself into that state without needing all this context of grief, community, love and memory. Every day, as I go about my business, I want to become a ray of sunshine into the darkest recesses of sad, lonely lives, of people out of sorts, confused and perplexed. That was what my friend who passed was like. We were talking about all the many volunteer jobs she's had over the years and who was going to fill those roles? Someone said, "Someone puts down the keys, someone else picks them up." Why not me?

There was a fundraiser for a local theater last night: a selection of show tunes from an upcoming production. A good friend is the theater director so I showed up because he asked me. I'm not a big show tunes guy. There was a lot of overlap in attendance from the memorial service, so it felt like a continuation. Everyone was so appreciative of my talk, of the life that we missed, of being able to come together and share in our grief, and joy. I love small towns in case you haven't noticed.

Plus the show itself was actually a lot of fun. So much better than another lonely night at home.

And I saw a gorgeous redhead I haven't seen around town for years. She was (past tense I hope) the girlfriend of a fairly famous rocker, but she always made it a point to eye-flirt with me, and I with her. I think she was like that with everyone. But there did seem to be an extra sparkle when it came to me; a big, tall hillbilly with a devilish grin. I couldn't isolate her because of all the people around, but wow did she seem to hover around. I couldn't remember her name, but then it came to me at the last second, and she seemed pleasantly surprised that I remembered. She remembered mine!

The Ex-Ex was there as well, and I walked her to her car afterward and we made out like ravenous lions. She's coming over tonight. Don't judge, I know it will blow up in my face again, but I haven't been laid in three months and this girl goes like a train.

Right now I'm waiting for Limerance Girl to come over for a hike. Knowing the Ex-Ex is coming over for sexy good fun tonight makes me so much less desperate. It's five months since we started hanging out, and four months since she broke up with me, at least the sex part, so I'm hoping to hold her to her statement early on that she'd sleep with me "in six months." One month to go!

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Updates:
Hmm thought I'd posted updates Monday. Not seeing it. My main observation then was that my morning gym routine seems newly adorned with three or four really pretty girls. There were already a couple of cuties. I was wondering where the pretty girls were hanging out in our small town, now I know.

It's fun to work out around eye candy. Gives me extra motivation to stack on the iron for the squats and such.

Limerance Girl and I had a lot of fun hanging out on Sunday. I kept it light and playful and showed her some secret places that only a few locals know of. We talked a lot of about everything, including us. I didn't get any clarity on what I mean to her.

My main gambit was asking her if she knew of any attractive women she could set me up with. I think it stunned her. She phumpered around a bit. I told her not to say a word to them, just to give me their names and identifying information. I will do the rest.

Otherwise, if she says, "I know this awesome guy, you should meet him," it comes off like "He's not good enough for me, but for you? He'd be fine." She agreed, a friend once told her about a guy she should meet and her first thought was, "Why aren't you going for him?"

I also said that most hot girls know other hot girls, unless they are narcissists who can't stand sharing the spotlight. Nice double bind I put her in. She laughed about it, "So if I don't give you a name, you'll know I'm a pathological narcissist?" Basically, yes.

Not sure how I feel about the gambit. I wanted to put it out there that I'm not waiting around, that if we're just good friends, then she should be looking out for me. What I'm hoping for is to get inside her head, to cause her to rethink the platonic nature of our relationship. That she needs to shit or get off the pot. Because here's this guy who is obviously attractive, smart and funny and who obviously likes her. What's she waiting for?

At least I'm removing some of the neediness that plagues me whenever I'm single. It's been more than a year and a half, the longest I've been single since the '90s. I've met at least three women I could see being in relationship with, all three ended it before we even got started. My confidence has been shaken.

The Ex-Ex and I hung out Sunday and we got down to it quickly. Damn, sexy time is good with her. So good I've put up with a lot of crazy behavior in the past and apparently am going to again in the future. Don't be hating. I haven't been laid since March. I blame Limerance Girl, if we were together I wouldn't be falling into these traps again. It was only through meeting my most recent ex that I was able to move on from the Ex-Ex in the first place.

Speaking of Limerance Girl, she's gone visiting family through the long holiday weekend, not sure when I will see her again. I'm going to go with the Tao of Steve method; be desireless, be excellent and be gone. Let her reach out to me.

Big life changes coming up anyway. My house went into escrow a couple days ago. I've been signed up for artist-subsidized housing for four years now, and I could get called any day now. When it does, I've got 30 days to move in, or lose my place in line. It could also be months before I hear anything. It's my dream to live in an artists' colony and create all day, free from financial strain. I've made a big step in that direction.

In the meantime, for this interstitial part of my life, I am purchasing a travel trailer and am going to spend half my time on the road, keeping the business going remotely, housesitting and such when I need to. My money situation will improve measurably; I will finally be back to where I was before the pandemic. I am planning to travel from trout stream to hot springs to beach and back, visiting friends and family, filling in the blank spaces on the map, focusing on the creative work that fuels my sense of accomplishment and happiness. I'm very privileged.

I plan on working on perfecting my seduction skills the whole time. I will set my Tinder to travel mode, and hopefully find a sexy fun companion in every port of call. I'm excited.

 

[gameboy]

Great to read your journal entries, as always!

But there is one thing I really don't understand. Why don't you ever make a move on limerance girl? And now you asked her to set you up with other women... don't you think it could backfire and send her in auto rejection?

You probably have much more experience with women than I do. I'm wondering if you are usually that passive... How did the first time you had sex with her happen, did you wait till she took the initiative? Or are you doing that now, because you think if you make a move she will firmly put you in just-friends-land?

Just curious. I'm genuinely wondering what's your strategy here!

Is it possible there's a part of you that actually wants to be in this limerance situation? It certainly gives you freedom to hit on other girls. So it's not all bad.

 

[JT Sunshine]

Sounds like you’ve been having a lot of fun these past weeks, apart from your friend passing - my condolences man. Never easy to be there, much less speak. I found out on the day of my gramdma’s funeral that I was doing her eulogy. It’s fucking tough to hold it together.

I am really getting the vibe that limerance girl likes you. If it was I, I would ask her what her favorite movie was - and whatever she says, I would say I had never seen it but always wanted to. Make a date to watch said movie. Sit close, massage her shoulders, rub your fingers down her back, kiss her neck - drive her absolutely fucking crazy. If she pulls away, say “sorry… I’m trying so hard not to make out with you” or “ we should stop - you’re intoxicating”… but keep escalating.

She is spending time with you repeatedly - the investment of time is everything. You got this brother!

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Great to read your journal entries, as always!

But there is one thing I really don't understand. Why don't you ever make a move on limerance girl? And now you asked her to set you up with other women... don't you think it could backfire and send her in auto rejection?

You probably have much more experience with women than I do. I'm wondering if you are usually that passive... How did the first time you had sex with her happen, did you wait till she took the initiative? Or are you doing that now, because you think if you make a move she will firmly put you in just-friends-land?

Just curious. I'm genuinely wondering what's your strategy here!

Is it possible there's a part of you that actually wants to be in this limerance situation? It certainly gives you freedom to hit on other girls. So it's not all bad.

Thanks @gameboy I enjoy yours as well. I can picture you going about your rounds in your beach town. I'd love to come hang out sometime and wing for each other.

I do have a lot of experience with women, mostly because I'm older, but experience is not necessarily a good thing. I'm a hopeless romantic who wants to sweep this girl off her feet into a life of passion and hot sex.

To be clear, I am not passive in ordinary situations. In fact, I busted a move on Limerance Girl for the kiss close within the first hour we got together for a drink - it was a business meeting and not a date. We almost ended up doing the deed, that's when she said "I could see sleeping with you in six months." The next date, we got down to business right away. "Clearly I have trouble keeping to the plan" she said in the post-coital glow. "Go easy on yourself," I said. "I am a sexy motherfucker after all."

She started pulling away soon after and gave me the "it's not happening" speech two days later. Ouch.

My strategy is opaque even to me. But I'd say it breaks down into three separate and often converging goals:
1. Get her to fall in love with me. Might as well just say it out loud. Pathetic one-itis, I know. But I've pulled it off before with even hotter women.

2. Be her friend. When she told me she was having trouble connecting with people - she'd been living here for just over a year - I felt an enormous wave of sympathy. I felt exactly the same when I first moved to this small town. Then I had a series of setbacks when half a dozen assholes tried to run me out of town, and the townsfolk rallied behind me. I was able to start my own successful business in the depth of humiliation of a major public firing and smear campaign. I want Limerance Girl to have the same opportunity. She's very smart and talented, a worthy addition to our community.

3. Keep her in my orbit for social proof and referrals. Hot girls do know other hot girls. Even if she's not feeling romantic toward me, at least I could get some good referrals from her.

My main fear of making a move on her now is that she will rebuff me, "I don't feel that way toward you," kinda stuff. Where would I go from there? Maybe I should have the "what are we to each other?" talk and just get it out in the open. But I'd rather do it from a position of strength.

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Sounds like you’ve been having a lot of fun these past weeks, apart from your friend passing - my condolences man. Never easy to be there, much less speak. I found out on the day of my gramdma’s funeral that I was doing her eulogy. It’s fucking tough to hold it together.

I am really getting the vibe that limerance girl likes you. If it was I, I would ask her what her favorite movie was - and whatever she says, I would say I had never seen it but always wanted to. Make a date to watch said movie. Sit close, massage her shoulders, rub your fingers down her back, kiss her neck - drive her absolutely fucking crazy. If she pulls away, say “sorry… I’m trying so hard not to make out with you” or “ we should stop - you’re intoxicating”… but keep escalating.

She is spending time with you repeatedly - the investment of time is everything. You got this brother!

Hi JT Sunshine. Loved hearing about your fishing trip. Walleye might be one of my favorite foods; they taste like candy. I'd go further to say yellow perch are even better, especially if pulled through the ice, filleted, dredged in seasoned flour, then flash-fried in butter — from first nibble to your mouth in 10 minutes. Yum.

I'm pretty sure Limerance Girl likes me as well. She initiated a text exchange yesterday from out of town. I like your movie plan, but I'm thinking of having her over for dinner, as I'm moving out of my home next month and won't have a nice kitchen for awhile. I love the way you think, though.

That is very similar to my escalation method. Our first make-out session that culminated in everything but P-in-V I kept saying "We are not having sex. No way!" She would have this nervous laugh the whole time, as if the cognitive dissonance was frying her brain. I'm sure I could have gotten the deed done the first time, but I sensed she'd have post-coital regret.

As it turned out, she broke up with me anyway.

 

[madspeed]

My strategy is opaque even to me. But I'd say it breaks down into three separate and often converging goals:
1. Get her to fall in love with me. Might as well just say it out loud. Pathetic one-itis, I know. But I've pulled it off before with even hotter women.

2. Be her friend. When she told me she was having trouble connecting with people - she'd been living here for just over a year - I felt an enormous wave of sympathy. I felt exactly the same when I first moved to this small town. Then I had a series of setbacks when half a dozen assholes tried to run me out of town, and the townsfolk rallied behind me. I was able to start my own successful business in the depth of humiliation of a major public firing and smear campaign. I want Limerance Girl to have the same opportunity. She's very smart and talented, a worthy addition to our community.

3. Keep her in my orbit for social proof and referrals. Hot girls do know other hot girls. Even if she's not feeling romantic toward me, at least I could get some good referrals from her.

My main fear of making a move on her now is that she will rebuff me, "I don't feel that way toward you," kinda stuff. Where would I go from there? Maybe I should have the "what are we to each other?" talk and just get it out in the open. But I'd rather do it from a position of strength.

Hello
I like your posting. I read your journal a lot recently.
I agree with gameboy opinion because you should decide it.
I think that you should choose 1. If you choose 2 or 3. You regret it.
Do you really want to be friend with her?
Getting her to fall in love with you, it is challenging.
You should take a risk, I think that she is valuable to you.
If you take a risk, you can get her.
I know she is a unicorn for you, but you should escalate with risk.
What do you want?
Do you want to be friends?
Do you want to approach another hot girl through social proof?
Do you want to get the hot girl?
Take a risk

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Hello
I like your posting. I read your journal a lot recently.
I agree with gameboy opinion because you should decide it.
I think that you should choose 1. If you choose 2 or 3. You regret it.
Do you really want to be friend with her?
Getting her to fall in love with you, it is challenging.
You should take a risk, I think that she is valuable to you.
If you take a risk, you can get her.
I know she is a unicorn for you, but you should escalate with risk.
What do you want?
Do you want to be friends?
Do you want to approach another hot girl through social proof?
Do you want to get the hot girl?
Take a risk

@madspeed I like your logic. It is risky to get it out into the open but isn't the risk worth the reward?

 

[madspeed]

@madspeed I like your logic. It is risky to get it out into the open but isn't the risk worth the reward?

Without risky, usually, you cannot receive your result.
Usually, girl don't lead the escalation.
I don't know your specific situation, but if you want to get her, you should do it with risk

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Update:
Really, nothing to report on the approaching front. Quiet day. Haven't seen hardly a cutie all day, except for at the coffee shop when I saw the pretty black girl but the line was long and I didn't have any chance to strike up a conversation.

Been struggling with motivation at work, big life changes coming up in less than a month. I'm selling my house, and the artist colony that I'm supposed to be moving into has no vacancies for the time being (been on the waiting list for four years! They fucked up my application).

The upside is that I will have all my bills paid and money in the bank. I really want to use this liminal time for travel. I'm going to get a travel trailer and fill in the blank spaces on the map. The downside is that my current gaff is near perfect, comfortable and ideal for seduction. Maybe too comfortable, I feel stagnant, whiling away the hours in an offhand way, as the song goes.

The Ex-Ex and I hung out a little yesterday, but she was acting weird and I let it drop, did not push to get her back to my house. I texted her to thank her for the show, and she didn't reply til today. That's a sure sign that she's butt hurt about something I said or didn't say. When she did reply, we bantered back and forth for a bit but I didn't suggest a meetup.

Limerance Girl I haven't heard from since her text on the 4th of July. She might still be out of town. I'm feeling like I'm going to let her initiate the next exchange. If she doesn't reach out, that'll be the sign that it wasn't meant to be. I've got mixed feelings about this big change and how I'll keep everything together in my business and personal life. This ambiguity - which I freely acknowledge is my fault - is a big distraction that I don't need right now.

Been having a couple of exchanges with girls from Bumble, and yet again, I'm unmotivated. Just not feeling like I'm in a position to be hitting on women. I also know that with a good night's sleep, I could feel completely different.

My focus needs to be on organizing myself for the move - to the nomadic lifestyle. It should be exciting!

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Update:
Nothing much to report. I'm posting because of the discipline of it. Maybe once I get started I'll remember relevant information.

Slipping back into online, because it's so easy. Two girls, both appear to be moderately attractive, seem to have reached through the paywall to message me. I think as an older man the odds have shifted in my favor, and the apps boost me because the pickings are otherwise slim. There's a lesson in there for you young pups - persevere, you will become the prize one day.

I've pushed for a meetup with one lady a dozen years younger who appears to have a dazzling smile and a nice round booty. Just my type. She's a little sketchy about timely replies, though she did essentially ask me to ask her out. I did for tomorrow evening, with a time and venue. Hopes are not high, but who's knows?

I did chat with a couple of cute girls today IRL, including one blonde pixie-cut super cutie. It was business stuff, but I still made a few flirty comments. At least I'm not going backwards. It was a reminder that there's a lot of potential close to home if I just keep myself out there. Being an introvert makes it hard to meet women, but having a rich interior life makes it easier to get them to fall in love with you, I've found.

Saw the Ex-Ex in passing yesterday, she gave me her megawatt smile, but I didn't bite. Almost texted her that I wished I could trade places with her bicycle seat. It's our personal love language, raw and raunchy. After last week's hookup I'm remembering all the times before I felt like I had finally cracked the code on her labile moods, only to have her pick a fight over something stupid.

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Update:
On my morning bike ride to the gym, I spotted the sad-faced beauty ahead of me. This is the first chance I've had to really check out her figure. In our colder weather she was typically wearing a long coat, and even during the warmer weather was most often wearing baggy clothes.

Today, no. She was kitted out in a tight yoga pants. Her figure is divine. The waist-hip ratio, the gyrations as she walked, her slender frame and bouncy booty, yes I was even more smitten.

I gave her a "on your left," then as I approached, then seductively whispered "hello" and her name into her ear. I couldn't tell if she heard, or was lost in her AirPods. I think she knew something was going on, because she did look up. Her expression was inscrutable, though. It felt like a major victory to actually get a smile out of her during our one exchange (when I got her name).

Next time I will do a full stop and do some proper teasing and macking and hopefully ask for (and get!) her number. I don't get a warm vibe off her, but maybe that just means she's single because she's coming off remote and frigid. Maybe she's shy. Or maybe she's married. In any event, I felt good about the exchange, however brief. She's a very pretty girl. Maybe a little too young for me, but that's her call.

Texted Limerance Girl and haven't heard back some 5-6 hours later. I'm not too worried about it. If I don't hear from her again, so be it. Her loss. I'm keeping my radar open for other possibilities.

I've got a date lined up next Monday with the Tinder brunette with the great smile and nice round booty (understanding of course that pictures can be deceiving). At least it's something, if nothing more than a distraction.

Not feeling great about resorting to online game again, but truly the prospects are limited in this small town. I did not see a single approachable female all day. There's another online prospect that I will push for a meetup this weekend. Hope spring eternal.

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Update:
I've been making it a point to smile and say Hi to all and anon when I'm out and about. It's not always easy, I often get blank-faced stares or people averting their gaze in an awkward way. Too bad. It gets a good reaction by and large. But there are some people who are keeping their heads down for whatever reason.

There's truly been a drought of cuties lately. I was hoping to run into Melancholy Baby, the sad-faced girl, on the trail this morning. Nothing. One fun thing about my morning routine, though, is the three or four gym bunnies. All too young but it is always fun to look at pretty girls. I get smiles from the primary two cuties, but no conversations yet. It'll happen. I don't want to force it.

Speaking of which, there's an older lady at the gym, even older than me - yes ancient, who looks flawless and sexy. Hair styled short but sexy, perfect figure, I mean not a flaw to it, small-breasted but a high, tight booty that looks like you could bounce quarters off it. I love boobs as much as the next guy, three of the four LTRs I've had were with bodaciously ta-ta'd women, but on older women they are a liability. That's one thing I loved about Limerance Girl was her lean, tight figure. She was barely an A cup, though her nipples are pokey and delicious. But wow that ass! And the ass on this older lady. I might flirt her up if I get a chance.

Speaking of Limerance Girl, not a word. She's left my text un-replied for two days now. I had texted her if she'd ever hiked this certain trail, leading up to joining me for a hike, nothing. Nothing out of the ordinary, we meet up a couple times a month. I'm feeling that familiar heartache, will I ever find someone who turns me on so much, who presents as such a perfect partner, etc. Why is she not replying? I certainly wasn't a pest. Is she still out of town? Did she decide that she couldn't even hang out with me? Why? Because she was or is catching feelings? Women are complicated.

But I saw the Ex-Ex today, the one I hooked up with last week. She looks great, such a tall, striking beauty with a spectacular ass. When we first started getting after each other, I was so mind-fucked by my limerance madness that I couldn't see straight. I literally had attractive women throwing themselves at me, and I just could not muster up any sexual desire toward them at all. I was so fixated on this gorgeous redhead, she was the one and only one for me.

And now? Yes, she gets me horned up, but I can take it or leave it. I know, in the abstract at least, that it's no different with Limerance Girl, that this fascination and obsession will pass. That there are, indeed, many other options. But locally? It doesn't feel like it.

Speaking of which, I'm backsliding into the dating apps. I restarted Bumble and I've got at least 30 matches and more coming every few hours. Some of them appear legitimately hot. Certainly hotter than the vast majority of women I'm seeing during my daily rounds. I've got three phone numbers (Bumble) and one date lined up (Tinder).

This doesn't mean I'm going to give up. I'm going to keep approaching, ask Melancholy Baby for her number, push for meetups with these online ladies and stop obsessing about things. For all I know Limerance Girl is dealing with a family emergency, maybe she's just busy, or worst case, she doesn't want anything to do with me, which means she is falling for me and doesn't want to get into a potentially messy relationship (which is her issue, nothing to do with me), or maybe she just forgot.

In the meantime, I've got to keep myself motivated and force myself to be more social. It's a quiet night at home tonight, but tomorrow I will force myself to go out solo, and Sunday I've got a fun event I'm looking forward to.

Enough Speaking of Which, over and out.

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Updates:
Lots to report. I'll try to keep it condensed. As Mark Twain once wrote, "I tried to write a shorter letter, but I didn't have the time."

I was expecting a quiet night at home, trying to muster up the social energy and courage to go out solo. Then I get two invites in a short period of time. One was from a friend that had tickets to a mutual friend's gig, playing with a Latino band in a nearby festival. I thought he was worried about turnout and wanted to paper the house. I got my lazy ass showered and dressed and drive there, not knowing what to expect. Huge turnout. The place was bursting with hot, drunk Latinas.

My buddy got practically sexually assaulted. He was loving it. A drunk girl, a little plump for my tastes, evidently not for his, started grinding on him, and went for the full-on makeout. Grabbing his dick and all. I saw some mega-cuties here and there, got some nice eye contact, a few dance floor grinds, my latin brothers high-fiving us, good vibes all around. I love live music, why don't I get out more often? It was great to see our other buddy onstage in his element - a very talented man making a living doing what he loves.

I spotted the girl from Tinder with whom I have a date on Monday. Cute! Maybe not as cute as her photos, but still well within the doability range. There are plentiful of harmful racial stereotypes out there, big-bootied Latinas is not one of them. We flirted around a bit, I didn't push it but her friend, equally if not more hot, was pushing her toward me the whole time. Quite a weird (and fun) scene.

Next up was a friends' last-minute birthday party, at the palatial estate of another friend, all thrown together at the last minute by his daughter. It was much more sedate, but still fun. Had lots of brief checking-in conversations with people I don't see all that often.

I also spotted a woman with one of the most voluptuous figures I'd seen in a long time! Her booty would have outshone all of them at this festival. Wow! Mesmerizing. I was trying hard not to stare. She was with her man, a body-building bruiser, who looked like he could handle me no problem. I'm a big strong fella but I know my limits.

Limerance Girl replied to my text, three days later, while I was deep in the festival's mosh pit. I had convinced myself she wasn't going to reply, that she had given up on us. So I got excited, but I did wait an hour before replying.

I gave her the "new phone, who this?" routine and teased her back and forth for awhile, "You do know who this right? Are you kidding?" Hmm lemme think, "Yes, yes just teasing. This is Oprah right? Has Steadman left? I'll be right over." She likes to bust my balls, I give it back just as hard. She said she had just arrived at her friends' house in a town several hundred miles away, have a good weekend, bye bye. Letting me know, enough play. She wasn't being frosty, but she didn't have time for much banter. I left it there.

Not sure what's the next move. I've only got a couple weeks before I'm essentially homeless and embark on the vagabond lifestyle for several months. I would have loved to get her back to my house for a gourmet feast while I still have my kitchen, but now I'm not sure.

While I decide whether or not to pursue, I've got plenty to keep busy. The Ex-Ex is coming to my thing tonight, she was very excited in her text this morning. When she calls me "hey gorgeous" or "hey handsome" it's code for she's horny. There's the date tomorrow night with the big-bootied Latina, and this classy brunette from Bumble who just gave me her number to sort through.

Tl;dr, I'm still obsessed with Limerance Girl, but with the Ex-Ex circling around, and my other prospects, I have enough distractions to keep myself aloof and non-needy.

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Updates:
Hung out with the Ex-Ex, some fun sex last night after she took me out for an extravagant dinner. I know it'll blow up in my face when she picks a fight over something stupid, and I can't imagine any future with her as hard as I try. But she's a great beauty, that's undeniable, and I am fatally drawn to beautiful women.

Sunday night our little fun event was a big hit. Not what I thought it'd be, but I rolled with it and had a great time hanging out with friends. I even had myself a whisky, after weeks of abstinence. The Ex-Ex was in attendance and we've been hanging (and banging) ever since.

This morning on the bike ride to the gym was interesting. I passed the Melancholy Beauty and froze up, couldn't get out a word. I was feeling particularly self-conscious and out of sorts. Then in the gym there were the usual assortment of young cuties working up a sweat, which altered my mood in a positive direction. So when the older lady with the perfect figure and the stylish frames gave me a big, warm smile when she came in, I was feeling my oats again. I'm putting this woman on the prospect list. On closer inspection, she's not as old as I thought. In fact, she appears several years younger than me. I don't think I was imagining some flirtatious intent on her part. She made sure to smile at me several times.

Then on the ride home, Melancholy Beauty and I crossed paths again. This time, I stopped and pulled out my ear buds. So did she. "I figured it out! Witness protection program!" She smiled, but it was an uncomfortable rictus. She was not used to smiling. But she did nonetheless. "No I'm not in the witness protection program!" It was a light moment. She appears to be a very self-serious person, but that is probably an act. I'm intrigued, in any event. Next time, I'm going for the number pull. Crash and burn, I don't care. Low risk, high reward.

She's also a little older than I thought, which is a good thing, puts her closer to my age. She has such a great figure, too. Maybe better than Limerance Girl's.

Not a peep from Limerance Girl, not since our exchange Saturday night. That's OK. I'll give it a few days, maybe even a week before I'll ping her again to see if I can get her out. It's so much easier to appear non-needy, when you're getting laid and are, in fact, non-needy.

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Update:
Nothing much to report on the dating front. Hanging out with the Ex-Ex tomorrow, but mostly I've got to focus this weekend on getting my stuff cleared out as escrow closes soon. For the first time since 2010, I'll have all my bills paid and money in the bank. But I'll also be homeless - traveling the country in a vintage-styled trailer, going from trout stream to hot springs to beach to wherever the wanderlust takes me.

It's been a time of emotional upheaval. I love my home, it's gorgeous and very comfortable. But I'm also deep in a rut and need to step outside my comfort zone and experience more of life while I'm still strong and healthy.

I'm on the waiting list for my dream situation, living in an artists' colony and working on my writing. But I have no idea how long it'll be - four years already! Being stuck in limbo is a little wearying. The uncertainty is certainly uncomfortable, so I'm already well outside my comfort zone.

Limerance Girl is out of town til next week, we've got plans to hang out then. I hope to cook her one of my patented seductive dinners before I lose my awesome kitchen. If she agrees to come to my place for dinner, it would be a strong indication she would be down to clown.

Saw the Melancholy Beauty this morning on the bike trail. Wow, she's got a near-perfect figure with a high, tight round booty that really impressed me. But she had her head down and wouldn't engage, not even a little bit. I think she's very shy, maybe a little socially awkward. I'm going to do a policeman stop on her next time and ask for her number. Why not?

I've been keeping up the happy vibes with bright smiles and hellos for one and all as I pass them by. I haven't mustered up the courage to approach much lately, and I know I need to bust through that resistance. Great things wait on the other side of it. I'm using my transient life circumstances as an excuse. But that's bullshit. My living situation doesn't need to be perfect to get a girl.

I went out Wednesday with the Latina cutie from Tinder I saw at the weekend concert. I was a little reluctant to get out, because Ex-Ex is being nice to me and I've deluded myself into thinking it might last this time. So glad I did blast past my inertia and meet up with her. She was fun. We talked about food, the growth of the community, being from Mexico and going back and forth between cultures. She's got a really sexy full figure for someone her age (54).

We parted with a tender hug and a fairly chaste lip kiss. I texted her that I enjoyed meeting her and thought she was a cutie. Nada, pues nada. I'm a little curious as to why no reply, as it seemed like everything went well. Lots of deep eye contact, the conversation ranged widely and easily, she seemed curious about me, etc. Any ideas?

I'm supposed to arrange a meetup this weekend with this brunette from nearby, a Texas transplant with a fun accent and a high-powered career, but I'm not feeling it. Too much going on in my life, especially since in a week and a half, I'll be homeless.

 

[gameboy]

It's been a time of emotional upheaval. I love my home, it's gorgeous and very comfortable. But I'm also deep in a rut and need to step outside my comfort zone and experience more of life while I'm still strong and healthy.

That's a big lifestyle change, kudos for being brave enough to do something like that! It's easier when you're like in your 20s or 30s, because you're not that settled in your environment usually.

We parted with a tender hug and a fairly chaste lip kiss. I texted her that I enjoyed meeting her and thought she was a cutie. Nada, pues nada. I'm a little curious as to why no reply, as it seemed like everything went well. Lots of deep eye contact, the conversation ranged widely and easily, she seemed curious about me, etc. Any ideas?

Weird. Really impossible to say without more context.

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Update:
Busy weekend. Organizing myself for the big move, getting rid of stuff, selling some items and donating others. I took a quiet night to myself Friday, then went hiking with the Ex-Ex Saturday, then accompanied her to a very fun event in the evening. There were a few cute girls in attendance, and I chatted up two in particular.

Right now, the Ex-Ex is being very chill and lovely. Made me a delicious dinner last night and we hung out all day. I know it won't last, but she's asked me to housesit when she goes on a trip in August, which would help me out immeasurably and save money. I hope she doesn't pick a fight before then. Plus, the sex is great, not as great as it used to be when I was entirely consumed with passion for her, but we have our own fuck language that's reliably satisfying.

There were a few performers at the event, puppeteers and aerial ballet dancers, which made for a surreal setting. I found one of the dancers absolutely gorgeous, one of the prettiest girls I had seen in weeks. Curly dark hair, flashing dark eyes, a slender yet womanly figure on display in all its glory in her leotard.

She seemed very happy that I struck up a conversation, she vaguely knew who I was, grabbed my wrist a couple times, asked me to feel her rock-hard arm, facing me the whole time with a big sincere smile on her perfect face. She was a little young, but I figured she was the mother of one of the other pre-adolescent dancers, so she must be at least early 30s right?

I was quickly becoming infatuated because she was so gorgeous. Then another woman, modestly attractive, but obviously older, stepped in and joined the conversation. I figured it was her older sister because of the resemblance. The gorgeous one said, "OK mom why did so-and-so not show up?" Or something like that. Mom? This woman didn't appear to be out of her 30s. Then I further realized that the 10 or 11 yo girl that I thought was the daughter was actually her sister. Yikes! Was she even of legal age? Probably not, I decided, and made a polite exit. Insane! The girl spoke so confidently and self-assuredly, I just assumed she was at least well into her 20s.

The Ex-Ex was talking to an interesting couple. The woman was a prominent television journalist (very pretty for a woman of a certain age) and the man was a former NFL player, who appeared to be in his early 70s. The woman's dad knew who I was and gushed over things I've written and done over the decades I've lived in town. A real-life fan. That was pleasant, and helped get the icky taste out of my mouth for crushing on what was likely an underage girl.

The man was somewhat halting in his speech and the wife told us he had CTE from his playing days. He did engage pretty well eventually and we talked about our teams and draft picks and season previews and such. Fun. I looked him up later and discovered that he was younger than me! So glad my son's football career didn't work out. Tearing his meniscus before the season and losing his spot on the Division 1 college's roster might be the best thing that happened to him.

I was disappointed I didn't see Melancholy Beauty this morning. I was hoping to tease her a little bit and maybe ask for her number. The gym bunnies that I'd been enjoying checking out lately weren't there either.

Hanging with the Ex-Ex, the object of my most mind-fucked limerance obsession ever, made her miss Limerance Girl even more. I was hoping the opposite. I realize I've got it really, really bad for this girl, and that while I know she likes me, I am not at all sure that I will be able to seduce her back into my bed. She might not like me "in that way."

She will be back in town this week, and we talked about hanging out this weekend. But my schedule, between events and the move, I'm not sure logistically I would be able to pull it off. I keep rehearsing all these ridiculous conversations with her, and it is really annoying me.

On the bright side, I am more and more convinced that when I do get through the arduous parts of this big life change, it will be a great thing for me. New vistas, new opportunities, lots of creative juices stirred up, etc. I will have the financial and job freedom to do whatever I want, whenever and wherever I want. Can't wait to see what the future has in store for me. I also can't wait to meet the lucky girl who gets to share this journey with me, even if it isn't Limerance Girl (though I hope it's her).

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Update:
Been off-line dealing with the move. Such a hassle. It's been more than 10 years since the last one and I had my ex's expert help then. It's just me now and I've accumulated far too much stuff. Plus it's expensive! Every time I turn around someone has their hand in my back pocket.

Escrow hit a snag with the IRS not communicating and leaving me stuck in voicemail prompt circular hell. I need their help to get a release of an ancient lien from the twenty-aughts. Sucks. That could potentially fuck me up financially as I've made commitments with the expected money. It's a helpless feeling when there's nothing you can do, that lack of agency is distressing.

Been hanging a fair bit with the Ex-Ex. When she's on her game she might be the most charming human being I've ever met. When she's not, she's a harridan, always looking to pick a fight to prove some stupid point. And the more you accommodate, the worse it gets. There's been a couple moments where I realized what a toxic relationship we had, and how most of her relationships are also toxic. Her best friend from childhood is a gay guy, and I realized that they get along because he doesn't take a single bit of her shit, because he's unaffected by her considerable beauty. Good lesson.

Limerance Girl has been out of town for the better part of two weeks. We are going to hang out this afternoon and I will try to pull her back to my house and try to escalate. I don't have high hopes. Going forward, I can see opportunities to move our friendship forward, and resume a sexual relationship. It's just that the timing and logistics aren't great right now.

It's interesting to me that I've been hanging (and banging) with the Ex-Ex and I'm near as much emotionally invested as I was. Here's a gorgeous woman of a certain age who gives me good sex, but really, I'm not feeling much more than that. Meanwhile, here's another woman, Limerance Girl, younger sure, but not otherwise quite as gorgeous, and I'm completely strung out on the love hormones.

I've been in therapy for four months now, for the first time in any kind of sustained situation, and dealing with a lot of issues, mostly my dysfunction when it comes to women. My therapist, however, isn't much help at all. I was hoping for a rigorous program of self-assessment, deep dives into cognitive behavioral therapy, discussions of depth psychology and shadow work, etc. Nope. Just a sympathetic ear. That's good, but I wanted to get to the bottom of why I get so emotionally invested in girls who are not that much into me.

It's been worse in the past, still Limerance Girl is a major distraction in my life and source of obsession that's very self-defeating. I truly can't find any other women as desirable as her.

The only other attractive woman who's a possibility is the Melancholy Beauty. I saw her walking along at her brisk pace when I was riding my bike on Friday. I turned and gave her a big wave. She ignored me! Ouch. I'll presume she was deep into a podcast or something but still. Next time, the plan is to be cop stop and banter a bit about my joke about her being in the witness protection program. Don't have me whacked! Your secret is safe with me!

I will proceed on the assumption that she's very shy, and that I need to be friendly and funny to get her to open up.

In any event, nothing much to report. I have opened a couple of attractive women lately, but wasn't able to move it anywhere. I don't want to use the excuse of this major life change to stop interacting with women and sharpening my flirting skills. And I want to avoid the siren call of the dating apps. It's hard though, I still get notifications every day from apps I de-subscribed to months and months ago. And some of the women look very attractive.

I won't be here much I the next couple of weeks, but I still plan to check in occasionally on my boys @JT Sunshine, @gameboy and @ZenRising and to also take advantage of the many resources here. Loving the sex gambits. I've used variations in the past to great effect. They really work.

 

[gameboy]

Good to hear from you @Casanova!

It must be a distressing situation, losing your house. You sound like you're taking it stoically, but I can only imagine how stressful it must be.

As for the toxic ex, I feel you man. My last relationship was super toxic. The sex was great though! That's what hooked me to the girl, and kept me. Also, we shared the same social circle (though we didn't meet through that SC... it's a long story).

When I finally had the strength to leave the ex, I lost much of my social circle along with her. That wasn't fun.

Doing day game is like a therapy for me. Since I am cold approaching, I barely ever think about the ex anymore. And when I do, it's not in an "i-miss-you" kind of way. It's rather that I feel angry about how I wasted 6 of the best years of my life in a dysfunctional relationship.

I could have started day game at 40 instead of 50... but it seems I had to go through this experience first.