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I've actually been struggling to do that the past couple days. Feeling low-energy and sad. Will get back to it though. You are right, fun things happen!
Limerance Journal: Help Needed
- Thread starter Casanova Newhouse
- Start date
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- Mar 11, 2024
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Mostly because of artsy blonde. I feel I’ve blown it with her. The number of attractive women who are of appropriate age in this small town are few.
Also, because of various life factors and the inevitable energy slump that comes from getting off a big deadline.
But I will be fine. Thanks for asking.
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- Mar 11, 2024
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Update:
Nothing much to report. Going out this evening with a buddy to listen to a very pretty local singer-songwriter, with whom I've had flirty interactions in the past. I like her, she's talented, and we want to show up in support.
I've been in a slump lately, sifting through memories for recurring patterns, timelines, etc. So here's a few statistics since my last relationship ended in September 2022. We had a six-month reconciliation after six months apart, so I'll count that six months of interstitial singlehood in the compilation:
Direct approaches: Only a handful. Maybe four if I'm being honest. Two led to phone numbers. Not bad odds, now that I think about it.
Indirect approaches: defined as soft opens to have a conversation and see if there's a vibe, again only 15-18 or so. I know embarrassing. No phone numbers.
Online Game: Met up with at least two dozen women, maybe close to three dozen. Let's say 30. Of those dates I paid for all but two, split another two. I've got to work on shelling out for dates, especially if I'm going to hop back on the apps.
Social Circle: Three women, two who I felt were promising. One on whom I am still sprung (Limerance Girl).
Lays: Seven women (Eight if you count the frustrating series of hookups with the ex-ex). Three from social circle, four from online. Not great, but it could have been much higher if I was willing to lower my standards. Another two or three lays would have resulted in the old days when I was a dirty boy.
I wish I'd been more systematic and kept better statistics. I'd probably glean more helpful information.
Plan of Action:
Start hitting up the big city, go to museums, outdoor events, work on my day game. Break down each interaction, find patterns, tweak things, learn to read social cues, etc. I'm also going to sift through the online phone numbers - there's at least five attractive women worth checking in with. This is all the usual stuff that a beginner does. I am too old to be starting over, but I don't have good choices. It's either that or give up. Not ready for that yet, though monk mode does have its appeal.
Nothing much to report. Going out this evening with a buddy to listen to a very pretty local singer-songwriter, with whom I've had flirty interactions in the past. I like her, she's talented, and we want to show up in support.
I've been in a slump lately, sifting through memories for recurring patterns, timelines, etc. So here's a few statistics since my last relationship ended in September 2022. We had a six-month reconciliation after six months apart, so I'll count that six months of interstitial singlehood in the compilation:
Direct approaches: Only a handful. Maybe four if I'm being honest. Two led to phone numbers. Not bad odds, now that I think about it.
Indirect approaches: defined as soft opens to have a conversation and see if there's a vibe, again only 15-18 or so. I know embarrassing. No phone numbers.
Online Game: Met up with at least two dozen women, maybe close to three dozen. Let's say 30. Of those dates I paid for all but two, split another two. I've got to work on shelling out for dates, especially if I'm going to hop back on the apps.
Social Circle: Three women, two who I felt were promising. One on whom I am still sprung (Limerance Girl).
Lays: Seven women (Eight if you count the frustrating series of hookups with the ex-ex). Three from social circle, four from online. Not great, but it could have been much higher if I was willing to lower my standards. Another two or three lays would have resulted in the old days when I was a dirty boy.
I wish I'd been more systematic and kept better statistics. I'd probably glean more helpful information.
Plan of Action:
Start hitting up the big city, go to museums, outdoor events, work on my day game. Break down each interaction, find patterns, tweak things, learn to read social cues, etc. I'm also going to sift through the online phone numbers - there's at least five attractive women worth checking in with. This is all the usual stuff that a beginner does. I am too old to be starting over, but I don't have good choices. It's either that or give up. Not ready for that yet, though monk mode does have its appeal.
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- Mar 25, 2024
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Women are weird... I am convinced that the way they respond is simply based on their current emotional state, and we are just too damn logical to make sense of it. At least I am...
Maybe it's my love of blondes, but I think you should go for it, and I think you definitely still have a shot. Tell her that her dog misses you and it would be unfair to not go for a walk. If you can get her to hang out with you, you can build that tension again
Fingers crossed
Don't fall into my old trap.. as many a time I tried to get good at this. Then, when I achieved a little bit of success, I would end up in a long-term relationship, just to let my skills go. I never reached full potential. You are 100% on the verge of a breakthrough. You deserve whatever you want, and you're actively working towards it, unlike 99.9% of the people out there. Dawn will come soon! And it will be fking beautiful
That right there is proof that you are excellent! She may come around, or she may not. Either way, you went for what you wanted and that's all that matters
I've always been a big believer in the saying "whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right".
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- Mar 11, 2024
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- 202
Update:
Friday night with my boy was kinda boring. I thought with the holiday weekend, the town would be hopping. It was not. The sexy little singer-songwriter didn't pull a good crowd so I was happy we went out to fill in a few seats and drop a couple of bills in her hat. She's absolutely adorable, and turns out is a military vet like myself.
My buddy noticed a Jesus-y vibe about her that eluded my attention til he pointed it out; by god she was representing for the Big J. I wish I hadn't noticed, I am unattracted to women who wear their religion on their sleeves (literally in her case). Still, I had fun listening to her songs of bluesy heartbreak. She's got a solid voice, her guitar playing is very deft and her lyrics poignant. I love live music.
Next venue was similarly slow. One table of eight young cuties of what appeared to be a hen party, all wearing the same bucket hats and acting goofy. Didn't open because they left before we could get properly posted up. Shot a few games of pool, I suck but the other players sucked even worse. Sloppy games, but I'll take the wins.
No approaches, a couple of fun conversations, I felt like I'd busted through the wall of isolation that's been up for a week or so.
Saturday I went somewhere I'd never been, solo. Drove to a casino just over an hour away just to do some reconnaissance. For all the bright lights and sounds and air of excitement the place was sad, actually. Lots of dreary old people chain smoking cigarettes and young people sucking vape pens. Kicked my nicotine addiction more than 25 years ago and am prouder of that than virtually anything else I've done. I had a rare cocktail, which was delicious. The one bright spot of the evening. The casino relieved me of $200+ in record time -- I've never seen such blatant banditry in slot machines before in my life.
Still, I was up $80 at one point and pulled my ticket. The cashier line was so long that I figured I'd play a few games while waiting for the line to thin ... You know how that story ends. Even with my business slowly picking up, I could have used that money in a LOT of more productive ways.
There were a few - very few - attractive women (and those were mostly hired guns) at the casino and I didn't find (or create) any good openings. I did have a nice chat with a little black cutie who was working there, talking about the ins and outs of the job, how long it took to train, what her aspirations were there, was it a good place to work, etc. Too young, and besides, no vibe. But I liked her energy and it felt fun to turn a stranger into an acquaintance.
Taking a quiet day to reflect, and do some mental housekeeping. I think I'm going back on the apps, this time with new pictures (my old photos are good, but they are also old, some 5-6 years old). I've actually lost 20 pounds since then so I look leaner, and since the last non-white hairs have fled my head, I am leaning all the way into the Silver Fox image. Why not? It's a sexy stereotype (maybe the sexiest) for older men.
Still thinking about Artsy Blonde and how I screwed that up. At this point though I'm not distressed the same way I was about Limerance Girl (the whole reason for this journal), mainly because I didn't sleep with her and so get my hopes up. I'll ping her next week for a low-key walk on the advice of @JT Sunshine and see what happens.
Friday night with my boy was kinda boring. I thought with the holiday weekend, the town would be hopping. It was not. The sexy little singer-songwriter didn't pull a good crowd so I was happy we went out to fill in a few seats and drop a couple of bills in her hat. She's absolutely adorable, and turns out is a military vet like myself.
My buddy noticed a Jesus-y vibe about her that eluded my attention til he pointed it out; by god she was representing for the Big J. I wish I hadn't noticed, I am unattracted to women who wear their religion on their sleeves (literally in her case). Still, I had fun listening to her songs of bluesy heartbreak. She's got a solid voice, her guitar playing is very deft and her lyrics poignant. I love live music.
Next venue was similarly slow. One table of eight young cuties of what appeared to be a hen party, all wearing the same bucket hats and acting goofy. Didn't open because they left before we could get properly posted up. Shot a few games of pool, I suck but the other players sucked even worse. Sloppy games, but I'll take the wins.
No approaches, a couple of fun conversations, I felt like I'd busted through the wall of isolation that's been up for a week or so.
Saturday I went somewhere I'd never been, solo. Drove to a casino just over an hour away just to do some reconnaissance. For all the bright lights and sounds and air of excitement the place was sad, actually. Lots of dreary old people chain smoking cigarettes and young people sucking vape pens. Kicked my nicotine addiction more than 25 years ago and am prouder of that than virtually anything else I've done. I had a rare cocktail, which was delicious. The one bright spot of the evening. The casino relieved me of $200+ in record time -- I've never seen such blatant banditry in slot machines before in my life.
Still, I was up $80 at one point and pulled my ticket. The cashier line was so long that I figured I'd play a few games while waiting for the line to thin ... You know how that story ends. Even with my business slowly picking up, I could have used that money in a LOT of more productive ways.
There were a few - very few - attractive women (and those were mostly hired guns) at the casino and I didn't find (or create) any good openings. I did have a nice chat with a little black cutie who was working there, talking about the ins and outs of the job, how long it took to train, what her aspirations were there, was it a good place to work, etc. Too young, and besides, no vibe. But I liked her energy and it felt fun to turn a stranger into an acquaintance.
Taking a quiet day to reflect, and do some mental housekeeping. I think I'm going back on the apps, this time with new pictures (my old photos are good, but they are also old, some 5-6 years old). I've actually lost 20 pounds since then so I look leaner, and since the last non-white hairs have fled my head, I am leaning all the way into the Silver Fox image. Why not? It's a sexy stereotype (maybe the sexiest) for older men.
Still thinking about Artsy Blonde and how I screwed that up. At this point though I'm not distressed the same way I was about Limerance Girl (the whole reason for this journal), mainly because I didn't sleep with her and so get my hopes up. I'll ping her next week for a low-key walk on the advice of @JT Sunshine and see what happens.
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- Mar 11, 2024
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Thanks for the thoughtful analysis and support JT. I appreciate your support and hope you know it's reciprocated. I love reading about your adventures -- it's getting spicy for you. You're killing it brother!
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2024
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- 186
Thank you
I very much enjoy reading about your adventures as well! You've inspired me to go check out more live music once I figure out how to manage my time better haha- Joined
- Mar 11, 2024
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- 202
Update:
Went full hermit mode on Sunday. Felt great to disengage and recharge. Got good exercise, caught up on reading, took care of household chores, etc.
Memorial Day I was actually on a float in a hokey, fun little parade as an honoree with five other local volunteers. It was fun to play with the energy of the crowd, the kids waving flags and the big smiles and people shouting my name. Good thing I'm not a (incurable) narcissist, it could have gone to my head. The rest of the day I retreated back to reading and naps, cooking awesome food and watching a weird, eminently watchable silent film called "Hundreds of Beavers." Bizarre beyond belief. It's a hoot and a holler - I should have gotten stoned and watched it with my friends. Maybe I still will.
The goofy girl with the banging body reached out Sunday, giving me an update on her goings on. We were supposed to get together a month ago and she kept rescheduling because of weather, other factors. She seems delightful, goofy and charming. I've been completely unreactive throughout, and feeling good about it. If I didn't have many (or any) other options, I know what a needy, pissy bitch I can become (though even in the worst outbreaks, I keep it to myself). So we're set for lunch tomorrow. We'll see. No great expectations but she does look pretty cute, and has those birthing hips that I like.
Haven't mustered up much energy to approach lately. I missed an opportunity for a situational, indirect compliment on a very pretty girl with a cute little jean short jumper this morning. I did give her a hearty "Hi" and got one in return.
I see an attractive-looking girl in her 40s or early 50s on the trail when I ride my bike in mornings. She's got an implacable, uninviting expression on her face, and barely responds to my friendly waves and hellos. Could be shyness, most likely in fact. I'm thinking of stopping her and telling her she looks like a Russian girl I used to date (she does a little, same Slavic face with those high cheekbones). Something low-key just to get the ball rolling. I keep expecting to run into her in town, but I don't. Only early mornings on the trail. Can't hurt.
Nothing to report on Limerance Girl or Artsy Blonde. I will text Artsy Blonde tomorrow or later today to get her out on a walk and try to hit the reset button. I think I came on too strong, and she wasn't feeling it. I will probably flip the script on her and suggest we just be friends.
Went full hermit mode on Sunday. Felt great to disengage and recharge. Got good exercise, caught up on reading, took care of household chores, etc.
Memorial Day I was actually on a float in a hokey, fun little parade as an honoree with five other local volunteers. It was fun to play with the energy of the crowd, the kids waving flags and the big smiles and people shouting my name. Good thing I'm not a (incurable) narcissist, it could have gone to my head. The rest of the day I retreated back to reading and naps, cooking awesome food and watching a weird, eminently watchable silent film called "Hundreds of Beavers." Bizarre beyond belief. It's a hoot and a holler - I should have gotten stoned and watched it with my friends. Maybe I still will.
The goofy girl with the banging body reached out Sunday, giving me an update on her goings on. We were supposed to get together a month ago and she kept rescheduling because of weather, other factors. She seems delightful, goofy and charming. I've been completely unreactive throughout, and feeling good about it. If I didn't have many (or any) other options, I know what a needy, pissy bitch I can become (though even in the worst outbreaks, I keep it to myself). So we're set for lunch tomorrow. We'll see. No great expectations but she does look pretty cute, and has those birthing hips that I like.
Haven't mustered up much energy to approach lately. I missed an opportunity for a situational, indirect compliment on a very pretty girl with a cute little jean short jumper this morning. I did give her a hearty "Hi" and got one in return.
I see an attractive-looking girl in her 40s or early 50s on the trail when I ride my bike in mornings. She's got an implacable, uninviting expression on her face, and barely responds to my friendly waves and hellos. Could be shyness, most likely in fact. I'm thinking of stopping her and telling her she looks like a Russian girl I used to date (she does a little, same Slavic face with those high cheekbones). Something low-key just to get the ball rolling. I keep expecting to run into her in town, but I don't. Only early mornings on the trail. Can't hurt.
Nothing to report on Limerance Girl or Artsy Blonde. I will text Artsy Blonde tomorrow or later today to get her out on a walk and try to hit the reset button. I think I came on too strong, and she wasn't feeling it. I will probably flip the script on her and suggest we just be friends.
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- Nov 7, 2023
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It's hard to summon the energy sometimes, isn't it? I'm an introvert myself, and some days I just like to come home and have a quiet evening on my own.
But on other days, the loneliness kicks in... at least you have some girls in the pipeline! Are they from online mostly?
Personally I'm reluctant to go back to trying online, I'm afraid if I had dates with girls from online I probably couldn't bring myself to approach girls on the street, as in, ever.
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- Mar 11, 2024
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That's not an irrational fear. I'm feeling myself wanting to get plugged back into online game. I keep getting notifications that all these girls are liking me. But I'm determined to work through this slump and work on my daytime.
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- Mar 11, 2024
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- 202
Update:
Been struggling to get anything done lately. I'm supposed to be making sales calls and doing everything but. Plus with today's car repair, money is going out faster than coming in. I need to be blowing and going like I was a couple weeks ago, but my willpower is flagging. I'll start building some momentum tomorrow. I'd better!
While waiting on my car to be fixed today, I posted up in a chi-chi grocery store to nurse a coffee and catch up on some reading. I must have missed at least a solid half dozen opportunities to approach. I kept rationalizing - too young, moving too fast, not friendly-seeming enough, etc. I've got to bust through it.
I know logically that all I need to do is bust through the first veil of resistance, and then it gets progressively easier.
Part of the problem is sleep, or lack thereof. Last night was poker with a bunch of buddies that got my mind working and it was hard to shut off when I hit the sack. I won a little bit, so that was good. But I ate way too much - the catering was superb. To my credit, I didn't drink a drop of alcohol. The longer I go without, or with much reduced quantities, the easier it is to stay off.
Even though I've got a self-imposed deadline, I still ended up blowing off a half day of work. But I did finally hit up a new business person for a sales call, starting out very indirectly with a congratulations on the new business, how's it going? What're your plans? The girl (not a target) and I engaged pretty well, and she suggested the sale. I was feeling good about it. I also got good intelligence on another situation that can be worked to my advantage.
I didn't text Artsy Blonde as I said I would. Wussed out. What am I afraid of? Now I'm starting to fear that I've waiting too long.
Yesterday I had a date with the goofy brunette with the banging body. She was not doing it for me at all. It wasn't like her pictures weren't accurate, but she just wasn't pretty enough. Still, I had a delicious lunch and friendly conversation. I like her, but she ain't doing it for me. I didn't text her afterwards, even out of politeness, nor did she text me.
So it feels like I'm back to zero prospects again. I'm pretty much determined to lay off the dating apps for awhile, so I can force myself to start approaching in real life. I know it's the way to go. This weekend I've got a couple of social events, hopefully there's a few attractive women involved, at least so I can practice and keep from getting further into my head.
Limerance Girl will be back this weekend. I am not going to contact her. No. It's on her from here on out. I've devised the plan in my head for the concert next week - have her pick me up and bring drinks. I'll pack a picnic lunch - something delicious of course, and exotic (hackelback caviar with potato chips and creme fraiche? Or Bo Ssam in lettuce wraps? Why not both? Then when she drops me off afterward, invite her in for a glass of wine. You miss every shot you don't take is my new mantra - thanks Wayne "The Great One" Gretzky.
Been struggling to get anything done lately. I'm supposed to be making sales calls and doing everything but. Plus with today's car repair, money is going out faster than coming in. I need to be blowing and going like I was a couple weeks ago, but my willpower is flagging. I'll start building some momentum tomorrow. I'd better!
While waiting on my car to be fixed today, I posted up in a chi-chi grocery store to nurse a coffee and catch up on some reading. I must have missed at least a solid half dozen opportunities to approach. I kept rationalizing - too young, moving too fast, not friendly-seeming enough, etc. I've got to bust through it.
I know logically that all I need to do is bust through the first veil of resistance, and then it gets progressively easier.
Part of the problem is sleep, or lack thereof. Last night was poker with a bunch of buddies that got my mind working and it was hard to shut off when I hit the sack. I won a little bit, so that was good. But I ate way too much - the catering was superb. To my credit, I didn't drink a drop of alcohol. The longer I go without, or with much reduced quantities, the easier it is to stay off.
Even though I've got a self-imposed deadline, I still ended up blowing off a half day of work. But I did finally hit up a new business person for a sales call, starting out very indirectly with a congratulations on the new business, how's it going? What're your plans? The girl (not a target) and I engaged pretty well, and she suggested the sale. I was feeling good about it. I also got good intelligence on another situation that can be worked to my advantage.
I didn't text Artsy Blonde as I said I would. Wussed out. What am I afraid of? Now I'm starting to fear that I've waiting too long.
Yesterday I had a date with the goofy brunette with the banging body. She was not doing it for me at all. It wasn't like her pictures weren't accurate, but she just wasn't pretty enough. Still, I had a delicious lunch and friendly conversation. I like her, but she ain't doing it for me. I didn't text her afterwards, even out of politeness, nor did she text me.
So it feels like I'm back to zero prospects again. I'm pretty much determined to lay off the dating apps for awhile, so I can force myself to start approaching in real life. I know it's the way to go. This weekend I've got a couple of social events, hopefully there's a few attractive women involved, at least so I can practice and keep from getting further into my head.
Limerance Girl will be back this weekend. I am not going to contact her. No. It's on her from here on out. I've devised the plan in my head for the concert next week - have her pick me up and bring drinks. I'll pack a picnic lunch - something delicious of course, and exotic (hackelback caviar with potato chips and creme fraiche? Or Bo Ssam in lettuce wraps? Why not both? Then when she drops me off afterward, invite her in for a glass of wine. You miss every shot you don't take is my new mantra - thanks Wayne "The Great One" Gretzky.
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Lack of sleep is a killer! I cannot function without it. Looking forward to hear about your social events this weekend. If your weather is anything like mine, there should be plenty of cute little things out and about!
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- Mar 11, 2024
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Truth! Huge difference in outlook and energy. I got a solid six last night. So I’ll build on that through the weekend.
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I feel you on that one! I'm having a hard time approaching too recently. No idea where my drive went...
Shouldn't be too big a problem, it's always good to keep them waiting and guessing a bit
What happened to the 41 prospects (was it 41?) Did you reach out to them after all?
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- Apr 14, 2022
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Just catching up on your thread.... this really caught my eye
I've done the same thing a whole bunch of times... get a little success, find someone half interesting and dive straight into a relationship and let my skills and confidence rust.. and die... Need to keep pushing forward, even when things feel dark and barren... Last Saturday I went out to try some daytime approaches and AA just killed me... I saw at least half a dozen really attractive women but couldn't find that internal trigger - the little shot of adrenaline when you start walking towards her and you know the conversation or the rejection is about to happen... I was genuinely depressed the following day, but I seem to be getting back into a rhythm now...
I've done the same thing a whole bunch of times... get a little success, find someone half interesting and dive straight into a relationship and let my skills and confidence rust.. and die... Need to keep pushing forward, even when things feel dark and barren... Last Saturday I went out to try some daytime approaches and AA just killed me... I saw at least half a dozen really attractive women but couldn't find that internal trigger - the little shot of adrenaline when you start walking towards her and you know the conversation or the rejection is about to happen... I was genuinely depressed the following day, but I seem to be getting back into a rhythm now...
Yup!
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- Mar 11, 2024
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I feel you on that one! I'm having a hard time approaching too recently. No idea where my drive went...
Shouldn't be too big a problem, it's always good to keep them waiting and guessing a bit
What happened to the 41 prospects (was it 41?) Did you reach out to them after all?
I collected 41 phone numbers during my year-and-a-half on-and-off again foray into the dating apps - I did reach out recently to a couple that I hadn't met up with yet, but who seemed promising, including one particularly gorgeous British girl that I was facetime sexting with last year that dropped off when I reconciled with the ex. No reply. I might have another go at the list next week - we'll see.I feel you on that one! I'm having a hard time approaching too recently. No idea where my drive went...
Shouldn't be too big a problem, it's always good to keep them waiting and guessing a bit
What happened to the 41 prospects (was it 41?) Did you reach out to them after all?
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- Mar 11, 2024
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- 202
Update:
Finally texted Artsy Blonde today.
She blew me off on my text invitation last week. I was trying to get her out again with a dinner date, but she basically told me that restaurant was great and that I (not we, not us) should check it out. I had gone hard into the makeup when I had her over for dinner because she was cute and I love kissing girls. She seemed to reciprocate, so I was surprised at her lack of followup interest.
I had a bad experience last year with a super-cutie that I liked, who said I was inappropriate with my "tongue-y kisses" and "groping" and she wasn't feeling the chemistry. I never tongue-kissed her, just enthusiastic but chaste kisses, and I didn't grope her (adorably perky little) butt, it was an incidental graze, so I was doubting myself. Has the world changed so much that a man can't go after what he wants without apology? It was a confidence killer for sure.
Artsy Blonde got back to me within an hour. She usually takes a few hours, or even the next day, not an active texter. She said she had been off-grid this past week because she had a bad cold. We texted back and forth for awhile. I got a few laughs from her (I'm actually quite funny, occasionally on purpose) and it seems salvageable. I'll put out a meetup request next week.
Limerance Girl gets back tomorrow. I wonder how long before she reaches out. Or whether she will. I suspect she will, probably in the next couple of days to firm up logistics for our concert next week. My plan is bust a post-show move and tell her, "We're just two people who like each other, and this is an expression of our affection. It doesn't have to mean anything more than that."
Finally texted Artsy Blonde today.
She blew me off on my text invitation last week. I was trying to get her out again with a dinner date, but she basically told me that restaurant was great and that I (not we, not us) should check it out. I had gone hard into the makeup when I had her over for dinner because she was cute and I love kissing girls. She seemed to reciprocate, so I was surprised at her lack of followup interest.
I had a bad experience last year with a super-cutie that I liked, who said I was inappropriate with my "tongue-y kisses" and "groping" and she wasn't feeling the chemistry. I never tongue-kissed her, just enthusiastic but chaste kisses, and I didn't grope her (adorably perky little) butt, it was an incidental graze, so I was doubting myself. Has the world changed so much that a man can't go after what he wants without apology? It was a confidence killer for sure.
Artsy Blonde got back to me within an hour. She usually takes a few hours, or even the next day, not an active texter. She said she had been off-grid this past week because she had a bad cold. We texted back and forth for awhile. I got a few laughs from her (I'm actually quite funny, occasionally on purpose) and it seems salvageable. I'll put out a meetup request next week.
Limerance Girl gets back tomorrow. I wonder how long before she reaches out. Or whether she will. I suspect she will, probably in the next couple of days to firm up logistics for our concert next week. My plan is bust a post-show move and tell her, "We're just two people who like each other, and this is an expression of our affection. It doesn't have to mean anything more than that."
Yup indeed! I'm guilty of this way too many times. I start getting smooth and confident, then fall into a relationship because it seems pre-ordained or destined or some bullshit and then lose all my skills. And here I am starting over again. Will I ever learn? Stay tuned.
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- Mar 11, 2024
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Weekend Update:
Mixed bag. Friday night I was fried and the energy wasn't there. I was feeling anxious from a stressful week. So I made myself a delicious dinner, watched TV and hit the hay early. I feel like I earned it.
Plus I had to get up early for a volunteer commitment. I've got to do this more often. Joined up with about 20 other people for a half-day of very hard work in the great outdoors. We worked in teams, sharing a purpose and I felt more bonded than I have in a long time. And I didn't know any of these people, except for the organizers. It was insightful for me to see how groups of people can organize themselves very fluidly and productively with virtually no supervision.
No cuties, except a couple of the staff members. I kept my flirting skills sharp with one of them, with a face that looked uncannily like a younger version of Limerance Girl. Her body type was different, still an attractive girl. Didn't get the chance to mack on the others. There were several women volunteers involved, though all with husbands and/or partners. I recognized myself in these young family men - bringing their wives and kids out to do a solid service for their community. True family values.
Saturday afternoon there was a pool party for the volunteers. It was cloudy and cool. The kind of day that was perfect for hard outdoor work, but not-so-great for pool parties. I was the only one who actually went in the water. It gave me a chance to flirt with the lifeguard girl, a slender little cutie with an appealingly nerdy look. Plus I got props for braving the cold pool water. As a big aficionado of the cold plunge, I knew I needed it. The hot tub was right there, and it felt great after the refreshing zing of that cool water.
Given that these people are sporty, adventurous types, I was disappointed no one joined me. I could have chosen to feel awkward about it, and in the past, I would have. Not today.
Observing the dynamics, I noticed everyone stuck to their little cliques of the two or three other people they knew. I mixed and mingled, introducing people to each other, had fun conversations, not going too deep as befitted the casual vibe. I could actually feel the
opening up. The entertainer was a magician who asked me to do "flash patrol," where I tried to spot the card up the sleeve, the slip of the coin, the slips in his sleight of hand. I know him pretty well outside of this group, so it was natural that'd he enlist me as an accomplice. It was fun. I could see why Mystery had such success with his bag of tricks. Girls love magic. He also did cold reads, where he'd tell you the name of your first crush, or your dream vacation or favorite place on earth. Very cool.
One staff member is a goofy-looking redhead with coke-bottle glasses and the most perfect little booty I've seen in awhile. I had to stop myself from staring. Damn, I had no idea. I'd never seen here in tight pants before. Mesmerizing. 10/10 would bang. I am decidedly an ass man. It's interesting how her goofy face made her less attractive to me in the past, but once I saw that lovely round booty I was totally back onboard.
Listened to the most recent Chris Williams' podcast, "Modern Wisdom" episode with Dr. Robert Glover. It was informative to see dating and relationship advice through the lens of a man even older than I. He's carved out a niche for himself as an expert in these fields, and he made eminent sense about much of what I've been going through lately.
His advice for men looking to date distills down to a very simple action: be more social. Be in public every chance you get - read in a coffee shop, not your comfortable chair by the fireplace; eat out, don't cook at home so much, sign up, volunteer (check), take classes, etc. Be outgoing and talkative. Nothing counter-intuitive or earth-shaking about any of it. All the pickup artist methodology works, but it doesn't have to so all-consuming if you just put yourself out there.
Social skills are a muscle that needs to be exercised, he says. Very simple, but it's extremely difficult for me as I am a committed introvert. He says you will project an attractive energy and women will find you. He even said they will "chase" you. There's something unmistakably attractive to women about a man who is comfortable in social situations.
It's interesting. I do a lot of public speaking and have taught myself to be comfortable in front of crowds. I crave the pulse and energy of being connected, and can move and sway and persuade people in groups quite well. Even when I'm not connecting, I don't freak out or freeze up.
It wasn't always that way. When I was five, I got so nervous that I froze up in front of 200 people and peed myself. Big dark stain down the front of my trousers. My parents weren't there, thank god, and a neighbor swooped me up to the restroom. Traumatizing. So being able to grab a crowd's attention and hold it is a very satisfying feeling, a sense of a journey being completed, of a fear being mastered.
Reflecting on why I am so shy and retiring, I think it does go back to attachment style - I didn't get enough attention and affection from my mother, so I trained myself to tell myself that I don't need it. The fact is though I'm only fooling myself. I crave intimacy. There have been many moments when I'd just had sex with wives and girlfriends (never at the same time dammit!) when I am deep into the post-coital glow and feel like there's no greater drug than a pretty girl with her head on your chest and your arms around each other. Often better than the sex if I'm being honest.
Got some exercise this morning riding my bike to the office to set up a few tasks for the week. I told myself 20 minutes and, of course, I spent more than an hour by the time I got done sorting through emails and making replies and such. But I did get a head start on the week, and left less anxious than when I went in.
After yesterday's social flurries, I was feeling deeply in need of a day of quiet retreat. Still, I forced myself to go out to the farmers market after finishing my work, and had a good half dozen conversations. One approach - a booth girl with cute glasses. She engaged easily and we slipped into a very fun and light conversation. Too young, but I think she thought I was pretty cute and I thought she was cute, too. I told her she reminded me of someone but I couldn't think of who. Drove me crazy. It wasn't until a couple hours that I realized, oh yes, those grey-blue eyes she looked like a bank teller I see around town. This bank teller girl gives me a vibe - soft, interested, a little melancholy lurking behind her eyes, she looks like one of those smart girls who is looking for a romantic adventure, and would love to have a story to tell about an attractive older man. Reminds me to go check up on her.
Nothing from Limerance Girl or Artsy Blonde. I will text Artsy Blonde tomorrow or Tuesday and try to get her out. Limerance Girl, on the other hand, I will wait to hear from her. Though I'm thinking I've got to communicate logistics about our event Friday so I may have to reach out to her if she doesn't soon. It's been months and I am still obsessed with her, running all these scripts through my mind. I do feel a little less raw, a little less despairing, and more confident about finding some fun girls to hang out with. I'll be ok with whatever outcome. Progress.
As of right now, I've got two tickets to six concerts this coming weekend, and only one date, Limerance Girl. I thought Artsy Blonde would be onboard, but she's been giving me the silent treatment. Haven't entirely given up on her yet. There's two good prospects - both appropriately aged, very classy women with whom I do business. I am not feeling at all sexually interested in them though. But so what?
Plan of Action:
Be more social. Never refuse an invite. Keep a big, friendly smile on my face and flirt with everyone. Follow Dr. Robert Glover's advice and get myself out there.
Mixed bag. Friday night I was fried and the energy wasn't there. I was feeling anxious from a stressful week. So I made myself a delicious dinner, watched TV and hit the hay early. I feel like I earned it.
Plus I had to get up early for a volunteer commitment. I've got to do this more often. Joined up with about 20 other people for a half-day of very hard work in the great outdoors. We worked in teams, sharing a purpose and I felt more bonded than I have in a long time. And I didn't know any of these people, except for the organizers. It was insightful for me to see how groups of people can organize themselves very fluidly and productively with virtually no supervision.
No cuties, except a couple of the staff members. I kept my flirting skills sharp with one of them, with a face that looked uncannily like a younger version of Limerance Girl. Her body type was different, still an attractive girl. Didn't get the chance to mack on the others. There were several women volunteers involved, though all with husbands and/or partners. I recognized myself in these young family men - bringing their wives and kids out to do a solid service for their community. True family values.
Saturday afternoon there was a pool party for the volunteers. It was cloudy and cool. The kind of day that was perfect for hard outdoor work, but not-so-great for pool parties. I was the only one who actually went in the water. It gave me a chance to flirt with the lifeguard girl, a slender little cutie with an appealingly nerdy look. Plus I got props for braving the cold pool water. As a big aficionado of the cold plunge, I knew I needed it. The hot tub was right there, and it felt great after the refreshing zing of that cool water.
Given that these people are sporty, adventurous types, I was disappointed no one joined me. I could have chosen to feel awkward about it, and in the past, I would have. Not today.
Observing the dynamics, I noticed everyone stuck to their little cliques of the two or three other people they knew. I mixed and mingled, introducing people to each other, had fun conversations, not going too deep as befitted the casual vibe. I could actually feel the
opening up. The entertainer was a magician who asked me to do "flash patrol," where I tried to spot the card up the sleeve, the slip of the coin, the slips in his sleight of hand. I know him pretty well outside of this group, so it was natural that'd he enlist me as an accomplice. It was fun. I could see why Mystery had such success with his bag of tricks. Girls love magic. He also did cold reads, where he'd tell you the name of your first crush, or your dream vacation or favorite place on earth. Very cool.One staff member is a goofy-looking redhead with coke-bottle glasses and the most perfect little booty I've seen in awhile. I had to stop myself from staring. Damn, I had no idea. I'd never seen here in tight pants before. Mesmerizing. 10/10 would bang. I am decidedly an ass man. It's interesting how her goofy face made her less attractive to me in the past, but once I saw that lovely round booty I was totally back onboard.
Listened to the most recent Chris Williams' podcast, "Modern Wisdom" episode with Dr. Robert Glover. It was informative to see dating and relationship advice through the lens of a man even older than I. He's carved out a niche for himself as an expert in these fields, and he made eminent sense about much of what I've been going through lately.
His advice for men looking to date distills down to a very simple action: be more social. Be in public every chance you get - read in a coffee shop, not your comfortable chair by the fireplace; eat out, don't cook at home so much, sign up, volunteer (check), take classes, etc. Be outgoing and talkative. Nothing counter-intuitive or earth-shaking about any of it. All the pickup artist methodology works, but it doesn't have to so all-consuming if you just put yourself out there.
Social skills are a muscle that needs to be exercised, he says. Very simple, but it's extremely difficult for me as I am a committed introvert. He says you will project an attractive energy and women will find you. He even said they will "chase" you. There's something unmistakably attractive to women about a man who is comfortable in social situations.
It's interesting. I do a lot of public speaking and have taught myself to be comfortable in front of crowds. I crave the pulse and energy of being connected, and can move and sway and persuade people in groups quite well. Even when I'm not connecting, I don't freak out or freeze up.
It wasn't always that way. When I was five, I got so nervous that I froze up in front of 200 people and peed myself. Big dark stain down the front of my trousers. My parents weren't there, thank god, and a neighbor swooped me up to the restroom. Traumatizing. So being able to grab a crowd's attention and hold it is a very satisfying feeling, a sense of a journey being completed, of a fear being mastered.
Reflecting on why I am so shy and retiring, I think it does go back to attachment style - I didn't get enough attention and affection from my mother, so I trained myself to tell myself that I don't need it. The fact is though I'm only fooling myself. I crave intimacy. There have been many moments when I'd just had sex with wives and girlfriends (never at the same time dammit!) when I am deep into the post-coital glow and feel like there's no greater drug than a pretty girl with her head on your chest and your arms around each other. Often better than the sex if I'm being honest.
Got some exercise this morning riding my bike to the office to set up a few tasks for the week. I told myself 20 minutes and, of course, I spent more than an hour by the time I got done sorting through emails and making replies and such. But I did get a head start on the week, and left less anxious than when I went in.
After yesterday's social flurries, I was feeling deeply in need of a day of quiet retreat. Still, I forced myself to go out to the farmers market after finishing my work, and had a good half dozen conversations. One approach - a booth girl with cute glasses. She engaged easily and we slipped into a very fun and light conversation. Too young, but I think she thought I was pretty cute and I thought she was cute, too. I told her she reminded me of someone but I couldn't think of who. Drove me crazy. It wasn't until a couple hours that I realized, oh yes, those grey-blue eyes she looked like a bank teller I see around town. This bank teller girl gives me a vibe - soft, interested, a little melancholy lurking behind her eyes, she looks like one of those smart girls who is looking for a romantic adventure, and would love to have a story to tell about an attractive older man. Reminds me to go check up on her.
Nothing from Limerance Girl or Artsy Blonde. I will text Artsy Blonde tomorrow or Tuesday and try to get her out. Limerance Girl, on the other hand, I will wait to hear from her. Though I'm thinking I've got to communicate logistics about our event Friday so I may have to reach out to her if she doesn't soon. It's been months and I am still obsessed with her, running all these scripts through my mind. I do feel a little less raw, a little less despairing, and more confident about finding some fun girls to hang out with. I'll be ok with whatever outcome. Progress.
As of right now, I've got two tickets to six concerts this coming weekend, and only one date, Limerance Girl. I thought Artsy Blonde would be onboard, but she's been giving me the silent treatment. Haven't entirely given up on her yet. There's two good prospects - both appropriately aged, very classy women with whom I do business. I am not feeling at all sexually interested in them though. But so what?
Plan of Action:
Be more social. Never refuse an invite. Keep a big, friendly smile on my face and flirt with everyone. Follow Dr. Robert Glover's advice and get myself out there.
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2024
- Messages
- 202
Update:
Strange day, hard to motivate myself. I'm so glad I've got myself into a good workout routine. I am deliberately taking a moment while riding my bike to the gym to reflect on everything for which I am grateful. It's a long list. If I get the day off to a good start, it helps immensely. I don't feel so desperate to make shit happen.
I've been seeing a few new cuties in the gym lately. There's one almost impossibly adorable little blonde with booty shorts that leave nothing to the imagination. I love that there are mirrors all around so I can leer at her safely. I'll bet she tastes like butterscotch. I'd love to find out, but she might not even be out of her teens.
Also a couple of cuties that are no longer showing up, maybe they've switched schedules. My tempestuous ex-ex has been missing, too. Which is a good thing. I've been lingering around often waiting for her to show up for her exercise class. I'm going to stop that. I do miss her and the sex is unworldly. But she will pick a fight at the drop of a hat. I hate walking around on eggshells just to get laid.
My prep work on Sunday paid off with money coming in today, enough to keep the wolves at bay through the week. It's an enormous relief. I've still got tons of work to do the next two weeks to set myself up financially through the rest of the Summer. And I still haven't made plans to get some fishing in. I've got to do better at prioritizing self-care.
Some progress on the approach front. I gave two girls at the grocery store indirect openers. No reaction. They clearly heard me talking about forgetting my shopping list. One was quite cute but also very young. I spotted one very tall brunette who was an absolute goddess. Perfect face and figure. I was working up to say something when I saw an older man catch up with her. Turns out I know him, it's his daughter, and she went to school with my son. I haven't seen her in 15 years or more. I should be fixing up my boy. I'll bet they'd make big, strong and beautiful grand babies.
This afternoon while walking I saw another absolute goddess, a tall blonde with a great slender figure. Appropriate age. I gave her my patented sly smile and she was smiling back, but unfortunately she was talking on her phone. Otherwise I would have given her a full stop and started macking on her. She kept the eye contact through the passing and even beyond a little bit. That was really fun.
I've been working up a bright smile for every one I see. And it works. I can tell that people respond positively. And those who don't? I bet they are ones who feel awkward. I saw two incredible beautiful girls today, smiled at them and got smiles in return.
Nothing happening with either Limerance Girl or Artsy Blonde. I am going to reach out to Artsy Blonde tomorrow and see if she wants to join me at one of the weekend concerts. I'm hoping Limerance Girl reaches out to me, but if not I will feel compelled to reach out to coordinate Friday's plans.
I am swearing off the apps for now. I find them dispiriting. Lots and lots of matches, quite a few conversations, fewer phone calls, even fewer dates, and not one lay since last year. One almost lay, though. I might still be able to salvage that.
Strange day, hard to motivate myself. I'm so glad I've got myself into a good workout routine. I am deliberately taking a moment while riding my bike to the gym to reflect on everything for which I am grateful. It's a long list. If I get the day off to a good start, it helps immensely. I don't feel so desperate to make shit happen.
I've been seeing a few new cuties in the gym lately. There's one almost impossibly adorable little blonde with booty shorts that leave nothing to the imagination. I love that there are mirrors all around so I can leer at her safely. I'll bet she tastes like butterscotch. I'd love to find out, but she might not even be out of her teens.
Also a couple of cuties that are no longer showing up, maybe they've switched schedules. My tempestuous ex-ex has been missing, too. Which is a good thing. I've been lingering around often waiting for her to show up for her exercise class. I'm going to stop that. I do miss her and the sex is unworldly. But she will pick a fight at the drop of a hat. I hate walking around on eggshells just to get laid.
My prep work on Sunday paid off with money coming in today, enough to keep the wolves at bay through the week. It's an enormous relief. I've still got tons of work to do the next two weeks to set myself up financially through the rest of the Summer. And I still haven't made plans to get some fishing in. I've got to do better at prioritizing self-care.
Some progress on the approach front. I gave two girls at the grocery store indirect openers. No reaction. They clearly heard me talking about forgetting my shopping list. One was quite cute but also very young. I spotted one very tall brunette who was an absolute goddess. Perfect face and figure. I was working up to say something when I saw an older man catch up with her. Turns out I know him, it's his daughter, and she went to school with my son. I haven't seen her in 15 years or more. I should be fixing up my boy. I'll bet they'd make big, strong and beautiful grand babies.
This afternoon while walking I saw another absolute goddess, a tall blonde with a great slender figure. Appropriate age. I gave her my patented sly smile and she was smiling back, but unfortunately she was talking on her phone. Otherwise I would have given her a full stop and started macking on her. She kept the eye contact through the passing and even beyond a little bit. That was really fun.
I've been working up a bright smile for every one I see. And it works. I can tell that people respond positively. And those who don't? I bet they are ones who feel awkward. I saw two incredible beautiful girls today, smiled at them and got smiles in return.
Nothing happening with either Limerance Girl or Artsy Blonde. I am going to reach out to Artsy Blonde tomorrow and see if she wants to join me at one of the weekend concerts. I'm hoping Limerance Girl reaches out to me, but if not I will feel compelled to reach out to coordinate Friday's plans.
I am swearing off the apps for now. I find them dispiriting. Lots and lots of matches, quite a few conversations, fewer phone calls, even fewer dates, and not one lay since last year. One almost lay, though. I might still be able to salvage that.