- Joined
- Jun 16, 2013
- Messages
- 1,897
Hey Radeng I was checking out your posts from the weekend to now.
It seems like you know what you want as far as relationships are concerned (a hot ambitious girl you hit it off with for a monogamous relationship or multiple for MLTR) and this one didn't make the cut. But you learned a lot, gained abundance, and confidence you can easily get such a girl.
I personally admire your decision to NEXT and achieve further abundance using the loss of this girl as motivation to get a BETTER girl.
That's badass and I don't think a lot of guys would do that.
Let's see it chief.
What motivated you to do that all of a sudden? Just general health reasons or other?
Yeah I'm in the process of re conquering my daygame fears.
The secret is building momentum and not getting lazy on the easy approaches. If you can go out and daygame almost every day and slowly build up and do scarier and scarier approaches it's not all that bad and you get acclimated to it as not being that big of a deal.
The problem is that when you aren't acclimated to it it's such a weird anti social behavior that your brain just can't fucking make sense of (since almost no one approaches strangers in the daytime).
I did a TON of Sasha Daygame social pressure exercises and I honestly think they can be quite helpful albeit off the wall. I used to steal groceries out of peoples shopping carts, persistently ask business owners how much they would sell their store to me, and go up to restaurant windows and stare blankly and unemotionally at people eating next to the window until it was too much for me to handle.
If you need some emotional leverage I'll send you my paypal account and you can pay me $3 for every approach you miss out on
haha
Keep it pimpin chief
It seems like you know what you want as far as relationships are concerned (a hot ambitious girl you hit it off with for a monogamous relationship or multiple for MLTR) and this one didn't make the cut. But you learned a lot, gained abundance, and confidence you can easily get such a girl.
I personally admire your decision to NEXT and achieve further abundance using the loss of this girl as motivation to get a BETTER girl.
That's badass and I don't think a lot of guys would do that.
radeng said:
Let's see it chief.
radeng said:
What motivated you to do that all of a sudden? Just general health reasons or other?
radeng said:
Yeah I'm in the process of re conquering my daygame fears.
The secret is building momentum and not getting lazy on the easy approaches. If you can go out and daygame almost every day and slowly build up and do scarier and scarier approaches it's not all that bad and you get acclimated to it as not being that big of a deal.
The problem is that when you aren't acclimated to it it's such a weird anti social behavior that your brain just can't fucking make sense of (since almost no one approaches strangers in the daytime).
I did a TON of Sasha Daygame social pressure exercises and I honestly think they can be quite helpful albeit off the wall. I used to steal groceries out of peoples shopping carts, persistently ask business owners how much they would sell their store to me, and go up to restaurant windows and stare blankly and unemotionally at people eating next to the window until it was too much for me to handle.
If you need some emotional leverage I'll send you my paypal account and you can pay me $3 for every approach you miss out on
hahaKeep it pimpin chief
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2014
- Messages
- 624
Hey bud,
Commenting in regards to your decision to soft next Onitis.
Takes a lot of balls to make a decision like that. It looks like you are happy with the decision and that's good, my only question is could it have been beneficial to stay with her specifically to work on your relationship management skills since that's something you know you are lacking?
I completely understand your decision and the fact that an open relationship is a time sink.
Regarding battling the emotional neediness I'm finding if you care for a girl they don't ever go away completely if what you want it monogamy, it those emotions/feelings of neediness are a reminder you care. So you need to accept them and live with them while reminding yourself not to neccisarily act on them. Affirmations, visualization sand meditation has helped me cope with them with the girl I am seeing now.
My current stance is that I appreciate the value of those feelings because they serve as a reminder to me. If I was at a point where I didn't feel them anymore I'd wonder how much I value the girl.
I know it's a very fine line, but it keeps me sharp and attentative. Just thought I'd share since I could relate
Looking forward to reading your sexscapades!
-Lotus
Commenting in regards to your decision to soft next Onitis.
Takes a lot of balls to make a decision like that. It looks like you are happy with the decision and that's good, my only question is could it have been beneficial to stay with her specifically to work on your relationship management skills since that's something you know you are lacking?
I completely understand your decision and the fact that an open relationship is a time sink.
Regarding battling the emotional neediness I'm finding if you care for a girl they don't ever go away completely if what you want it monogamy, it those emotions/feelings of neediness are a reminder you care. So you need to accept them and live with them while reminding yourself not to neccisarily act on them. Affirmations, visualization sand meditation has helped me cope with them with the girl I am seeing now.
My current stance is that I appreciate the value of those feelings because they serve as a reminder to me. If I was at a point where I didn't feel them anymore I'd wonder how much I value the girl.
I know it's a very fine line, but it keeps me sharp and attentative. Just thought I'd share since I could relate
Looking forward to reading your sexscapades!
-Lotus
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2015
- Messages
- 40
Hey Radeng,
Just thought i'd chip in. So my understanding is that you played this pretty well but got a emotionally attached and slipped up via mental game. How did you actually slip up other than through those slightly needy texts? If that was your only mistake than maybe this girl is not cut-out for monogamous relationship. Furthermore if you go with the open relationship and keep seeing her how do you know that she wont develop feelings for you and chase for monogamy?
Essentially my question is just because shes come offering an open relationship why does that mean the possibility of a monogamous one is off the cards?
Admire your ability to next her either way.
Hiphop
Just thought i'd chip in. So my understanding is that you played this pretty well but got a emotionally attached and slipped up via mental game. How did you actually slip up other than through those slightly needy texts? If that was your only mistake than maybe this girl is not cut-out for monogamous relationship. Furthermore if you go with the open relationship and keep seeing her how do you know that she wont develop feelings for you and chase for monogamy?
Essentially my question is just because shes come offering an open relationship why does that mean the possibility of a monogamous one is off the cards?
Admire your ability to next her either way.
Hiphop
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2015
- Messages
- 40
Sorry just read the other posts on the relationship board regarding her. Now I'm a bit more confused because in that you state that you only wanted an open relationship from her anyway. And now that's what she offered. Seems to me as if you weren't being honest with yourself?
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2013
- Messages
- 467
First let me say that I agree 100% with nexting this chick, however, there are some important lessons to learn from this. I think the major problem was the amount of emotional investment it took to get the lay. The quicker you get the lay, the quicker you can think clearly and look at the girl objectively and make her chase. I still think you could have got the lay on the second date when you both went down on each other. After the lay you can sit back and see if she chases. If she chases hard, then you can start thinking about relationships. If not, then your emotions are in check, and you'll be perfectly content with making her a FB.
You will get better chicks than this one. It's all about going to places where there are lots of the kinds of girls you like.
You will get better chicks than this one. It's all about going to places where there are lots of the kinds of girls you like.
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2014
- Messages
- 1,982
This is exactly what I was thinking when I made the last post. It's also somewhat the situation I'm in now. Had some drama on Tues, made some effort to defuse it but basically held my frame. No contact since then. I'm thinking soft NEXT because (1) I need to get my head together (2) I'm not willing to have my arm twisted here, so can only continue if it's on my terms.
Ray
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2014
- Messages
- 1,982
I would just look at daygame as very hit-and-miss, I reckon you're probably a lot better at it than you think. It's just really important to have a healthy and frequent approaching habit, to have good fundamentals and pull the trigger, and results will come in... very sporadically haha but you're not a n00b just a perfectionist. In something that really breaks society's rules you cannot afford to be a perfectionist, just take your successes where you find them. Your process will improve with practice though. I agree with the other things you said, except about spirituality I think you should really up your focus on inner game, meditation, deep relaxation, mindfulness because IMO that's a reason you're running on empty. Hmm in my own life I went to church with Leticia yesterday (a choral mass) as I hadn't spent any quality time with her that w/e and she was sad and lonely and I wanted to make it up to her. She told me later that it had made her feel wonderfully happy when I did that. Although I despise the Catholic church and Christianity generally I have decided I would like to attend Mass regularly and use the time for contemplation, meditation, relaxation and mindfulness. It will just be my version of what others are doing there, nobody will know it's God-free haha.
Ray
Ray
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2013
- Messages
- 1,897
Your last post was a very cool that's inspiring that you'd share that with us.
I had a recent experience with the same feelings and I'm not too sure I'm completely over them. Although their good to have because average people I believe have those feelings but they don't know how to act on them and re plot the course of their ship. They just experience discontent and anxiety and just keep hoping that society will finally give them what they were told they'd receive.
Dude you definitely know what you want with regards to the type of girl that you want that is sooo huge. My roommate is 31 and has no clue the type of girl he'd want and no skillset or confidence to go acquire that girl if he did know what he wanted. It's honestly really pathetic the lack of direction and entrenchment of scarcity mindset the average man lives in. You on the other hand have decisiveness in knowing what you are looking for as well as the confidence to acquire it.
Regarding your daygame antics I find it quite fascinating that you are humble enough to consider yourself a beginner in that spectrum. I agree with Ray though I think you'll pick it up really fast as soon as you get acclimated to the weirdness factor of approaching people in the day.
The biggest factor that held me back in daygame for a while that I'm just now finally starting to work through is the WANT to be "smooth" and have the conversation go well.
Chris from Good Looking Loser led me on to this mega important concept.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAWHgZvvGVU
It's probably my most prevalent excuse to not approach a girl in the daytime but it's also going to hold you back from getting results the fastest.
I find in the periods where I say fuck it and go in and barrel through the awkwardness (or try to at least) I'll end up getting results when I thought I never would have.
Maybe that's you or maybe not but perhaps it'll help.
Gonna be looking out for your up and coming posts since I definitely want to see how your daygame escapades go.
Keep it pimpin
-Rob
I had a recent experience with the same feelings and I'm not too sure I'm completely over them. Although their good to have because average people I believe have those feelings but they don't know how to act on them and re plot the course of their ship. They just experience discontent and anxiety and just keep hoping that society will finally give them what they were told they'd receive.
Dude you definitely know what you want with regards to the type of girl that you want that is sooo huge. My roommate is 31 and has no clue the type of girl he'd want and no skillset or confidence to go acquire that girl if he did know what he wanted. It's honestly really pathetic the lack of direction and entrenchment of scarcity mindset the average man lives in. You on the other hand have decisiveness in knowing what you are looking for as well as the confidence to acquire it.
Regarding your daygame antics I find it quite fascinating that you are humble enough to consider yourself a beginner in that spectrum. I agree with Ray though I think you'll pick it up really fast as soon as you get acclimated to the weirdness factor of approaching people in the day.
The biggest factor that held me back in daygame for a while that I'm just now finally starting to work through is the WANT to be "smooth" and have the conversation go well.
Chris from Good Looking Loser led me on to this mega important concept.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAWHgZvvGVU
It's probably my most prevalent excuse to not approach a girl in the daytime but it's also going to hold you back from getting results the fastest.
I find in the periods where I say fuck it and go in and barrel through the awkwardness (or try to at least) I'll end up getting results when I thought I never would have.
Maybe that's you or maybe not but perhaps it'll help.
Gonna be looking out for your up and coming posts since I definitely want to see how your daygame escapades go.
Keep it pimpin
-Rob
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2014
- Messages
- 624
Hey Man,
I appreciate you sharing with us and opening up about feeling down. I know allowing vulnerability on the internet can make you feel...... not so good sometimes.
All of these things you are realizing are fucking awesome and I'm looking forward to reading your journey.
Completely agree.
Ray is on point here, the affect spirituality has on health and relationships is ridiculously undervalued IMO and I'm not talking about developing a belief system you follow. I just mean spending time to understand your mind, thoughts and feelings and what they tell you about what you are going through.
Second to finding GC it has made the most impact on my well being in the past 3-4 years. I'm not the type to shove my ideas down someones throat but I do feel strongly about this and I want to voice the impact it has made on me.
I also want to add that, in case you haven't gotten the chance to appreciate it, you have had a huge impact on the quality of this community.
Looking forward to hearing more!
-Lotus
I appreciate you sharing with us and opening up about feeling down. I know allowing vulnerability on the internet can make you feel...... not so good sometimes.
All of these things you are realizing are fucking awesome and I'm looking forward to reading your journey.
Completely agree.
Ray is on point here, the affect spirituality has on health and relationships is ridiculously undervalued IMO and I'm not talking about developing a belief system you follow. I just mean spending time to understand your mind, thoughts and feelings and what they tell you about what you are going through.
Second to finding GC it has made the most impact on my well being in the past 3-4 years. I'm not the type to shove my ideas down someones throat but I do feel strongly about this and I want to voice the impact it has made on me.
I also want to add that, in case you haven't gotten the chance to appreciate it, you have had a huge impact on the quality of this community.
Looking forward to hearing more!
-Lotus
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2014
- Messages
- 1,982
Hey man, although I am sure you would have preferred to remain calm and in control instead of losing your shit, it isn't important and what IS important is you set a boundary to her and told her to fuck off. Good man. That was a long time coming. I bet she respects you a lot more now (that it's too late to make a difference haha) and if not then at least you respect yourself. Also she should not have told you about fucking another guy, that was just dicking with your head (testing you) and not a behaviour that I would tolerate. By the way you are not abnormal in wanting to possess her and protect her and losing your shit at the thought of another man potentially impregnating her. Read Renee Wade "the feminine woman" on this point. Paradoxically we guys are hardwired to do exactly that with high value feminine women, and the opposite with low value "fuck and forget" women, it's our reproductive strategy plain and simple. No worries. Just own your feelings, be honest about them and set firm boundaries exactly as you have done. A square peg doesn't fit a round hole so there's no point saying "Oh I'm an awesome GC seducer who can get a new girl every week therefore I should be fucking lots of girls and happy with an FWB with this unicorn I have feelings for". Nah! Anyway hang in there. BTW, as an analogy it has happened in the distant past that I didn't smoke weed for months and then randomly relapsed on a weekend after a big night when guard was down and the feeling was SO AMAZINGLY AWESOME due to low tolerance and its scarcity that the following night I was on the phone again trying to score weed and you know the rest. That's what happened to you and honestly fuck that shit, don't let a relapse kill you!
Ray
Ray
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2015
- Messages
- 430
Hey bud sorry this has been so tough. Do make sure to keep up your defenses. I think she will try to get back together with you. don't let her. This relationship sucks the life out of you. I went to through a similar relationship when I was younger. it is best to cut all ties.
SGent
SGent
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2013
- Messages
- 473
Hey Radeng,
It's good that you aren't coming out of this bitter (doesn't sound like you are). And you sound like you are making the right steps to combat all this moving forward, and learn from the experiences with this girl.
Something that came to my mind (not sure if this helps or not but thought it may be worth mentioning), is that in regards to wanting monogamy, there are girls out there that are truly love at first sight fucking made for us, and just ideal for us. If thye are that, and if they then after that fill out your logical criteria (in regards of say, age and career, and any other conditions) then it is essentially a match made in heaven.
Chase talked about this topic more in depth in some (in my opinion) great recent articles
https://www.girlschase.com/content/edit-stor ... ng-romance
https://www.girlschase.com/content/edit-stor ... irst-sight
PArt one on not fearing love and getting into relationships (especially after you've had bad expereineces like your current one) and aprt 2 is on love at first sight what it is and how to find girls you have that connection with.
I just thought I'd mention this, because Ive learned that girls like this exist out there that are love at first sight and you are crazy like made for each other at first fucking sight, and that any monogamy I have won't ever be less than that (not even something I have to really worry about not jinxing or hesitating to say; once you feel that you won't be able to feel monogamous feelings for a girl you have anything less than that with).
I'd try the article's advice for searching for love at first sight girlfriends yourself; I've had a girl like this come into my life, like a month ago and seen and talked to her a couple of times (journaled about it a while back), and it is amazing something outside of this world man. YOu know it in an instant, and its funny because it isnt pussy feelings or bitch feelings of "the one", but it is like some kind of strong alignement and feeling of destiny that you and this girl are meant to end up togehter.
My friend was there to observe it and how she looked at me and me at her. He was tellilng me about it again today, because it was on some relevant topic, and he described it again as something absolutely magical and crazy how literal love at first sight was there in how taht girl and I looked at each other and talked to each other.
Those girls are out there dude, and with all the expereince and achievment you have so far bro, I'm sure when you find them, you can enter into very fulfilling relationships with them and give them the time of their lives (and they back to you).
My girl's somewhere out on campus still; don't think about her much right now and will run into her when i do again if i do again on campus... but part of us guys is forever searching for those girls... and part of every guy does want something monogamous and special with a deeply connected to woman like that. feels that way at least.
Cheers hope this wasn't too off topic, and good luck bro
Rage
It's good that you aren't coming out of this bitter (doesn't sound like you are). And you sound like you are making the right steps to combat all this moving forward, and learn from the experiences with this girl.
Something that came to my mind (not sure if this helps or not but thought it may be worth mentioning), is that in regards to wanting monogamy, there are girls out there that are truly love at first sight fucking made for us, and just ideal for us. If thye are that, and if they then after that fill out your logical criteria (in regards of say, age and career, and any other conditions) then it is essentially a match made in heaven.
Chase talked about this topic more in depth in some (in my opinion) great recent articles
https://www.girlschase.com/content/edit-stor ... ng-romance
https://www.girlschase.com/content/edit-stor ... irst-sight
PArt one on not fearing love and getting into relationships (especially after you've had bad expereineces like your current one) and aprt 2 is on love at first sight what it is and how to find girls you have that connection with.
I just thought I'd mention this, because Ive learned that girls like this exist out there that are love at first sight and you are crazy like made for each other at first fucking sight, and that any monogamy I have won't ever be less than that (not even something I have to really worry about not jinxing or hesitating to say; once you feel that you won't be able to feel monogamous feelings for a girl you have anything less than that with).
I'd try the article's advice for searching for love at first sight girlfriends yourself; I've had a girl like this come into my life, like a month ago and seen and talked to her a couple of times (journaled about it a while back), and it is amazing something outside of this world man. YOu know it in an instant, and its funny because it isnt pussy feelings or bitch feelings of "the one", but it is like some kind of strong alignement and feeling of destiny that you and this girl are meant to end up togehter.
My friend was there to observe it and how she looked at me and me at her. He was tellilng me about it again today, because it was on some relevant topic, and he described it again as something absolutely magical and crazy how literal love at first sight was there in how taht girl and I looked at each other and talked to each other.
Those girls are out there dude, and with all the expereince and achievment you have so far bro, I'm sure when you find them, you can enter into very fulfilling relationships with them and give them the time of their lives (and they back to you).
My girl's somewhere out on campus still; don't think about her much right now and will run into her when i do again if i do again on campus... but part of us guys is forever searching for those girls... and part of every guy does want something monogamous and special with a deeply connected to woman like that. feels that way at least.
Cheers hope this wasn't too off topic, and good luck bro
Rage