- Joined
- Jan 24, 2021
- Messages
- 1,927
I’ve noticed recently a bunch of field reports and journals where guys are going out to daygame and struggling, so I felt compelled to write a few words on my point of view about one key mistake I believe is being made.
I’m not calling out anyone here, it takes a lot of balls to go out and approach, and without these field reports it would be hard to see where the issue is. So this isn’t a slight on anyone who’s going out and genuinely trying their best to get good results. I hope this post helps you make the adjustment you need.
Game Is Elite Social Skills
If you don’t have good social skills already, seduction is going to be extremely difficult. You’re walking up to complete strangers, getting their attention, introducing yourself, and creating a conversation (and hopefully a lot more!) out of nothing. She’s doing whatever she’s doing, and she wasn’t expecting to meet you at all.
This is an order of magnitude of difficulty above going to a party and talking to the people there. At least at the party, there is context: you’re all there for the party, you’re all in the mode of being social and have a good time, and you all probably know eachother vaguely or at least have some mutual connections.
And going to a party is an order of magnitude of difficulty above going to meet your buddies and hang out. With your buddies, you already know eachother well, there’s no awkwardness of meeting someone new, and you’re all compatible or you probably wouldn’t be buddies in the first place.
So here we have it: daygame is two orders of magnitude of difficulty above hanging out with your buddies. That’s a lot. And you know what that means: if you don’t have much of a social life – or any social life at all – it’s going to be rough to go to a party and meet new people. And it’s going to be very rough to go out and daygame.
Take a few seconds to review your social life: do you have a decent social life in general? If not, fix that. Do you have parties or events you go to semi-regularly that give you contextual socializing with new people or people you don’t often meet? If not, fix that.
I really hesitate to say "fix that first", because I don’t like to tell someone they should hold off on learning something valuable like seduction. But that’s kind of what I’m saying. If you don’t have the fundamentals of socializing down, or you're not actively building on your social skills in general, you’re going to get banged around real hard and go through a lot of unnecessary rejections in daygame.
“But I want to be that guy who managed to seduce a 10/10 while living under a bridge and having no social life!” you might say. Well my friend, if that’s what you want to do, go right ahead. But think of it like this: if you aren’t interested in (or capable of) developing a wider social life, what makes you think you would be the sort of person who can enjoy going up to girls and being exceptionally, er, SOCIAL?
Because that’s what seduction is, it’s 80% social skills with a thin layer of seduction on top. Game isn’t some kind of shortcut that bypasses social skills, it is social skills. Meeting someone sans context without creating friction, building rapport, being interesting and fun, making the other person feel interesting and fun, pacing and leading the interaction, that’s all social skills. If you can do it with random girls, you can do it with anyone. And if you can’t do it with anyone, you won’t be able to do it with random girls.
Seduction Is Not A Piggy Bank, Probability, Or Menial Labor
If you put 20c in your piggy bank every day for 365 days, at the end of the year, sure as that piggy is pink, you’ll have $73. And if you pull the lever on a slot machine enough times, you can be absolutely sure of a certain number of wins (assuming the machine isn’t rigged!).
Seduction is neither of those things. The only thing you can be sure about is that if you don’t do it well enough, you won’t get dates and you won’t get laid.
Imagine if you had a smashed up TV and walked around trying to sell it at a 25% discount from the RRP. No matter how many people you go to, you won't get any takers. That's what it's like doing seduction with smashed up social skills.
“But if I keep going out and banging my head on the wall” you might say, “surely there’ll be some girl that is just dtf and not really scrupulous?”
Maybe, maybe there will. But you know what also happens when you bang your head against the wall all the time? Your head gets sore. And your expression gets sore. And your spirit gets sore. And probably by the time you meet her, everything is too sore to be able to engage her minimum threshold of feelgoodness, she doesn’t really enjoy being around you, and she decides not to go home with you. And even if she does go home with you, you’re going to struggle to enjoy yourself and perform.
Seduction is not a piggy bank, it’s not probability, and it’s not menial labor that you perform to try and stay ahead of the economic collapse of your sex life. It’s seduction.
That’s interesting, let’s look at the word a little bit more closely. What does it mean? According to google, it involves enticing or powerfully attracting someone, in a sexual context.
What does it mean to entice? Enticing means, according to google, “to attract or tempt by offering pleasure or advantage.”
So, seduction involves an offer. An offer that includes pleasure or advantage.
What is your initial offer, before you get to the bedroom? Do you know how to (or have some idea of how you are going to) create pleasure in her during the approach? What immediate advantage do you believe she has in meeting you? Remember, seduction is not about sex, not at the beginning. It is about what you are offering to her simply by meeting you.
And here's a hint: no, your offer is not being six-foot tall, making six figures, and having a six-pack, like those youtube nerds bang on about. Your initial offer is the wonderful, pleasurable experience you can give her with your social skills.
Social Skills In Seduction
As I’ve already mentioned, seduction is majority social skills, painted with a thin layer of sexual framing, and with a basic plan of how to get to the bedroom tacked on top. But what sort of social skills exactly?
Let’s think about approaching from her perspective. What is a good context, in her view, for the sort of guy she wants to meet to approach her?
Maybe he’s walking along, enjoying himself and his already very busy, satisfying, and fun life. He doesn’t need women, he’s already got a few chasing him but none of them really float his boat. He wants to meet a more fun, interesting, and unique girl. Then, suddenly, he sees her. Her appearance and the way she moves charms him, and he feels the spontaneous desire to meet her, to make contact, to find out more about her. Now, how will that guy look as he walks up to her? He’s going to look happy, at ease, and expressing delight, enjoyment, and curiosity.
Now let’s say there’s a guy who has no social life, no parties to go to, isn’t happy with his career or his life in general, has approached 300 girls in the last month without getting laid, can’t remember the last time he enjoyed himself meeting a girl, and is walking up with the clenched demeanour of a man who is about to stubbornly receive his 301st lash of the whip. How will this guy look as he walks up to her?
It doesn’t matter how much the second guy tries to pretend he’s the first one, she will see it written all over his face. You can’t make a beaten dog look happy, it’s all there in the hollow eyes, the listless expression, and the hunch of the shoulders.
“But what if I’ve tried 300 times with no success so far?” you might say. “Should I just give up?”.
No, you shouldn’t give up. But what you need to do, as a matter of priority, is figure out a way to have successful social interactions, even if you don’t manage to seduce her. Because 300 successful social interactions feels good. You might be horny and not getting laid, but you won’t feel like every approach is another beatdown, you won’t experience women running away from you or calling the police or their brothers on you. You will be getting through the door and to the meat of the interaction, where the opportunity for an actual seduction exists, rather than having the door slammed shut in your face.
Because if a social interaction cannot take place, a seduction cannot take place. Daygame isn’t stumbling around outside the club at 4am with the uber app ready on your phone. It’s a context in which you have to build substantially more social value than sexual value.
How To Build Social Skills
Go to meetups. Go to events. If any of your friends know of any parties, get invited. Do dance or yoga classes. I'm sure you can think of a lot more.
And when you’re there, meet as many people as you can. Guys, girls – social skills are transferrable. Learn how to make a pleasant, positive introduction. Learn how to engage someone. Learn how to be interesting and fun, and how to make someone else feel interesting and fun.
When you learn to do that, virtually every approach you make in daygame can be just as positive, pleasant, and easygoing – sure there will be the odd girl in a bad mood who’s looking for something to scratch, but that’s all part of the fun. And then, with sexual framing, teasing, leading, and escalation, you can turn them from fun social encounters to fun sexual encounters.
And this works because your initial offer – your offer to experience the pleasure of your social skills – is good, she feels pleasure being with you and talking with you, and you are a successful social animal in your domain, not a wandering derelict. So even if she has a boyfriend or whatever, it's a pleasurable, enhancing experience for both of you.
Every good seducer is exceptionally socially successful, or has the capability to be. Look at Cassanova for example – everywhere he went, he built social connections, with people at all levels of society. When he got exiled to another country for being a naughty boy, he’d build it all over again. That’s how he created the access and the opportunities with the women he wanted, and his social skills were the foundation of his seduction skills.
When you practice your social skills a lot, when it becomes a part of your identity to be a successful social animal, you start dressing better, you start managing your posture, your facial expression, your state of mind, it becomes part of your nature to present your best and most pleasant and attractive self at all times.
You start to think about people and how they experience you, what you can offer them, and how you can give them things they really want – even small things that at first seem insignificant.
And you realize perhaps the most fundamental social skill – that if you don’t thoroughly enjoy being yourself and living the life you live, you should not expect other people – much less women who will become very intimate with you and your life – to want any part of it either.
But if you try to circumvent all this to go spam approaching, sweeping glaring problems under the carpet and hoping to use a few seduction tactics and the sheer weight of numbers to get some results, you’ll end up wasting huge amounts of time, training yourself to experience seduction as a brutal grind of rejection after rejection, and probably not getting anything like the results you hoped for.
So go and build those social skills in every way you can – they will not only be of immense value in seduction, but in every other part of your life as well. They will massively expedite the conversion of effort into results, because once social interactions are easy for you, turning them sexual is only a matter of showing another side of yourself as well. And you'll enjoy the whole process so much more, regardless of the outcome.
Best of luck!
I’m not calling out anyone here, it takes a lot of balls to go out and approach, and without these field reports it would be hard to see where the issue is. So this isn’t a slight on anyone who’s going out and genuinely trying their best to get good results. I hope this post helps you make the adjustment you need.
Game Is Elite Social Skills
If you don’t have good social skills already, seduction is going to be extremely difficult. You’re walking up to complete strangers, getting their attention, introducing yourself, and creating a conversation (and hopefully a lot more!) out of nothing. She’s doing whatever she’s doing, and she wasn’t expecting to meet you at all.
This is an order of magnitude of difficulty above going to a party and talking to the people there. At least at the party, there is context: you’re all there for the party, you’re all in the mode of being social and have a good time, and you all probably know eachother vaguely or at least have some mutual connections.
And going to a party is an order of magnitude of difficulty above going to meet your buddies and hang out. With your buddies, you already know eachother well, there’s no awkwardness of meeting someone new, and you’re all compatible or you probably wouldn’t be buddies in the first place.
So here we have it: daygame is two orders of magnitude of difficulty above hanging out with your buddies. That’s a lot. And you know what that means: if you don’t have much of a social life – or any social life at all – it’s going to be rough to go to a party and meet new people. And it’s going to be very rough to go out and daygame.
Take a few seconds to review your social life: do you have a decent social life in general? If not, fix that. Do you have parties or events you go to semi-regularly that give you contextual socializing with new people or people you don’t often meet? If not, fix that.
I really hesitate to say "fix that first", because I don’t like to tell someone they should hold off on learning something valuable like seduction. But that’s kind of what I’m saying. If you don’t have the fundamentals of socializing down, or you're not actively building on your social skills in general, you’re going to get banged around real hard and go through a lot of unnecessary rejections in daygame.
“But I want to be that guy who managed to seduce a 10/10 while living under a bridge and having no social life!” you might say. Well my friend, if that’s what you want to do, go right ahead. But think of it like this: if you aren’t interested in (or capable of) developing a wider social life, what makes you think you would be the sort of person who can enjoy going up to girls and being exceptionally, er, SOCIAL?
Because that’s what seduction is, it’s 80% social skills with a thin layer of seduction on top. Game isn’t some kind of shortcut that bypasses social skills, it is social skills. Meeting someone sans context without creating friction, building rapport, being interesting and fun, making the other person feel interesting and fun, pacing and leading the interaction, that’s all social skills. If you can do it with random girls, you can do it with anyone. And if you can’t do it with anyone, you won’t be able to do it with random girls.
Seduction Is Not A Piggy Bank, Probability, Or Menial Labor
If you put 20c in your piggy bank every day for 365 days, at the end of the year, sure as that piggy is pink, you’ll have $73. And if you pull the lever on a slot machine enough times, you can be absolutely sure of a certain number of wins (assuming the machine isn’t rigged!).
Seduction is neither of those things. The only thing you can be sure about is that if you don’t do it well enough, you won’t get dates and you won’t get laid.
Imagine if you had a smashed up TV and walked around trying to sell it at a 25% discount from the RRP. No matter how many people you go to, you won't get any takers. That's what it's like doing seduction with smashed up social skills.
“But if I keep going out and banging my head on the wall” you might say, “surely there’ll be some girl that is just dtf and not really scrupulous?”
Maybe, maybe there will. But you know what also happens when you bang your head against the wall all the time? Your head gets sore. And your expression gets sore. And your spirit gets sore. And probably by the time you meet her, everything is too sore to be able to engage her minimum threshold of feelgoodness, she doesn’t really enjoy being around you, and she decides not to go home with you. And even if she does go home with you, you’re going to struggle to enjoy yourself and perform.
Seduction is not a piggy bank, it’s not probability, and it’s not menial labor that you perform to try and stay ahead of the economic collapse of your sex life. It’s seduction.
That’s interesting, let’s look at the word a little bit more closely. What does it mean? According to google, it involves enticing or powerfully attracting someone, in a sexual context.
What does it mean to entice? Enticing means, according to google, “to attract or tempt by offering pleasure or advantage.”
So, seduction involves an offer. An offer that includes pleasure or advantage.
What is your initial offer, before you get to the bedroom? Do you know how to (or have some idea of how you are going to) create pleasure in her during the approach? What immediate advantage do you believe she has in meeting you? Remember, seduction is not about sex, not at the beginning. It is about what you are offering to her simply by meeting you.
And here's a hint: no, your offer is not being six-foot tall, making six figures, and having a six-pack, like those youtube nerds bang on about. Your initial offer is the wonderful, pleasurable experience you can give her with your social skills.
Social Skills In Seduction
As I’ve already mentioned, seduction is majority social skills, painted with a thin layer of sexual framing, and with a basic plan of how to get to the bedroom tacked on top. But what sort of social skills exactly?
Let’s think about approaching from her perspective. What is a good context, in her view, for the sort of guy she wants to meet to approach her?
Maybe he’s walking along, enjoying himself and his already very busy, satisfying, and fun life. He doesn’t need women, he’s already got a few chasing him but none of them really float his boat. He wants to meet a more fun, interesting, and unique girl. Then, suddenly, he sees her. Her appearance and the way she moves charms him, and he feels the spontaneous desire to meet her, to make contact, to find out more about her. Now, how will that guy look as he walks up to her? He’s going to look happy, at ease, and expressing delight, enjoyment, and curiosity.
Now let’s say there’s a guy who has no social life, no parties to go to, isn’t happy with his career or his life in general, has approached 300 girls in the last month without getting laid, can’t remember the last time he enjoyed himself meeting a girl, and is walking up with the clenched demeanour of a man who is about to stubbornly receive his 301st lash of the whip. How will this guy look as he walks up to her?
It doesn’t matter how much the second guy tries to pretend he’s the first one, she will see it written all over his face. You can’t make a beaten dog look happy, it’s all there in the hollow eyes, the listless expression, and the hunch of the shoulders.
“But what if I’ve tried 300 times with no success so far?” you might say. “Should I just give up?”.
No, you shouldn’t give up. But what you need to do, as a matter of priority, is figure out a way to have successful social interactions, even if you don’t manage to seduce her. Because 300 successful social interactions feels good. You might be horny and not getting laid, but you won’t feel like every approach is another beatdown, you won’t experience women running away from you or calling the police or their brothers on you. You will be getting through the door and to the meat of the interaction, where the opportunity for an actual seduction exists, rather than having the door slammed shut in your face.
Because if a social interaction cannot take place, a seduction cannot take place. Daygame isn’t stumbling around outside the club at 4am with the uber app ready on your phone. It’s a context in which you have to build substantially more social value than sexual value.
How To Build Social Skills
Go to meetups. Go to events. If any of your friends know of any parties, get invited. Do dance or yoga classes. I'm sure you can think of a lot more.
And when you’re there, meet as many people as you can. Guys, girls – social skills are transferrable. Learn how to make a pleasant, positive introduction. Learn how to engage someone. Learn how to be interesting and fun, and how to make someone else feel interesting and fun.
When you learn to do that, virtually every approach you make in daygame can be just as positive, pleasant, and easygoing – sure there will be the odd girl in a bad mood who’s looking for something to scratch, but that’s all part of the fun. And then, with sexual framing, teasing, leading, and escalation, you can turn them from fun social encounters to fun sexual encounters.
And this works because your initial offer – your offer to experience the pleasure of your social skills – is good, she feels pleasure being with you and talking with you, and you are a successful social animal in your domain, not a wandering derelict. So even if she has a boyfriend or whatever, it's a pleasurable, enhancing experience for both of you.
Every good seducer is exceptionally socially successful, or has the capability to be. Look at Cassanova for example – everywhere he went, he built social connections, with people at all levels of society. When he got exiled to another country for being a naughty boy, he’d build it all over again. That’s how he created the access and the opportunities with the women he wanted, and his social skills were the foundation of his seduction skills.
When you practice your social skills a lot, when it becomes a part of your identity to be a successful social animal, you start dressing better, you start managing your posture, your facial expression, your state of mind, it becomes part of your nature to present your best and most pleasant and attractive self at all times.
You start to think about people and how they experience you, what you can offer them, and how you can give them things they really want – even small things that at first seem insignificant.
And you realize perhaps the most fundamental social skill – that if you don’t thoroughly enjoy being yourself and living the life you live, you should not expect other people – much less women who will become very intimate with you and your life – to want any part of it either.
But if you try to circumvent all this to go spam approaching, sweeping glaring problems under the carpet and hoping to use a few seduction tactics and the sheer weight of numbers to get some results, you’ll end up wasting huge amounts of time, training yourself to experience seduction as a brutal grind of rejection after rejection, and probably not getting anything like the results you hoped for.
So go and build those social skills in every way you can – they will not only be of immense value in seduction, but in every other part of your life as well. They will massively expedite the conversion of effort into results, because once social interactions are easy for you, turning them sexual is only a matter of showing another side of yourself as well. And you'll enjoy the whole process so much more, regardless of the outcome.
Best of luck!
( I’m an old Bull now btw)
