Smith's journal

[Smith]

Well...the last couple of days have been quite an "adventure". I hooked up with a girl who was backpacking a few days ago, and we spend the last two nights together (since I had classes in the morning) and had a great time. This all started a few days ago when I just finished a long clinic session. I was on a good momentum just chatting up girls whenever I go. I notice that whenever I feel closed off, the world around me also close off. This includes strangers, friends...etc. Whenever I feel good about my life, everyone opens up to me. I think this all has to do with the collaborative frame. People are on the same team as you. This is such a huge contrast to my mindset a couple of years ago. Back then I felt like I was battling something or someone, like seduction is a problem you have to solve. Now it feels like a journey or story you create with someone. Anyway, I digress. I chatted up a couple of girls on my way home. I took the long way home so I can talk to some girls.

One interaction worth noting was the one where I complimented this girl on her legs. I thought this was very forward, and I haven't given a straight up honest compliment to a girl since my coaching with TonySolo. So I ran up to her and focus on my intent to be promotional oriented. I noticed that there's an intense energy building inside me and at that moment I knew I needed to release that energy and told her exactly what I find attractive about her. There were so many times when we label that energy as "approach anxiety", but in fact I think of it more like our masculine energy that needs to be released with clear intent. Anyway, she was attracted but after some chatting, she mentioned that she has a bf, which was all good. I felt good just being clear about my intent.

Right after that, I thought I was done for the day. As I was about to cross the road to go to my flat, a girl walked past me. I thought about it for a few seconds, then I ran after her. We talked for a couple of mins and my instinct told me to go for an instant date. I have learned to trust my instinct. There were so many times I ignored that feeling in my body to go for an instant date and instead just settled for a number and hoping to get a date later on. So I skipped going home to cook dinner, and invited her to grab coffee with me. We walked to a cafe (probably the only one that's still open at 6pm) and got to know each other. She was sitting across the table, so I just focused on sharing the fun, and not really worrying about physical escalation at this point. From the Hotseat @ home, I have learned that physical escalation is really not that important in attracting a girl. Your presence, clarity in your intent, the ability to freeflow and speak with certain and emotion is much more important. Physical escalation is like a little thing that just ties everything together. Anyway, we talked for about 45 mins and she still hasn't finish her coffee. I suggested we go for a walk and she drank her coffee quickly. Once we walked out of the cafe, I put myself in the mood to hold her hand. I found that my intent is clearer when my body actually feels like escalating. So I grabbed her hand but she wasn't quite comfortable with it and told me "no blah blah" in a coy and smiley voice, so I let go and just keep sharing the story I was talking about. (Stay in your own lane) Also I found that whenever you have an anxious thoughts like "what if I get rejected"... don't play into that thought loop. Just let that thought go. because once you start to let that thought grows (or even entertain it in the slightest bit), it's a viscious cycle that will cripple you when you're making a move and lead to lack of clarity in your intent. This has helped me to pull the trigger and now I love to pull the trigger in a seduction.

I lead her to a grass area at the campus. It's quite a nice spot to sit and talk. We talked and connected for a bit more. Then she becomes quieter. I knew the tension is rising. A mistake I used to make is mistaking this silence for awkwardness and try to spike up her emotion again with banter and tease, when the best thing you could do is just share good energy with her and let things settle, then move things forward. I started to suggest some ideas back at my place, but she wasn't grabbing on to the opportunities I offered. Well that's what I thought at first, then she asked me if I live alone. I said yes then she said she would like to try the coconut jam I was talking about. I teased her: " ok but u promise not to eat it all?" (not so sure about her frame)

I lead her home and started to hold her hand again. She's more receptive now. Once we got back at my place, I put the toast in the toaster then once they're done, I grabbed them and lead her to my room, where the jam is. (didn't plan this, I just don't want anyone to steal this awesome coconut jam). I've found that when you're inviting a girl home, it's better to be spontaneous than planning it. Aka be flexible and also be patient. Once we were in my room, I tried to kiss her as she was sharing a story but she turned her head away. We both smiled and I shared a related story of mine. Then after a while I put my arm around her waist and we just talked a bit more. Then we moved to the bed. Just lying down and having fun. I kissed her a couple of times more, but she wasn't reciprocating as much until we started cuddling. Then we started making out and I told her to take off her clothes. But she was reluctant to take off her jeans. She told me this is a bad time. I interpreted that as "I'm on my period", and I was right lol!

It was about 10pm now, and I still haven't eaten yet. I thought about meeting her another day when she's not on her period, but she's backpacking so I'm not even sure what will happen. Then we both got so horny that...I told her let's just do it. At first she was reluctant but I wanted her to actually want to do this, so I asked her again "u wanna do this" with sexual eye contact. (clarity of intent) She gave me a slight nod and she took off her panties.

This seduction was actually a confident boost for me since my last fuck up for not closing the deal with a girl I had a great connection with. But let's not get too cocky too soon I've emphasized some of the core principles that helped me in the seduction. Hope you get some value out of this =)

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

A question I ask myself now is this "which path will give me the best memories?"

Somebody's been reading The Alabaster Girl

Good man.

Hector

 

[Smith]

I went on another date today. I met her last Sunday when I was waiting for my other date. We exchanged numbers and met up today. We had coffee and just focused on having fun and getting to know each other at first. It seemed like she's pretty inexperienced. I paused a lot and just wait for her to invest and "game" me. I had to be careful not overdo this so I also shared some stories as well. Anyway, after talking for about 45 mins, I suggested we go sit outside because the weather was pretty nice. She was walking next to me, but also kept a distance, like 1-2 m. This was strange because we had a good connection inside the cafe, so I figured she's probably nervous. I kept walking in my own way and not drift towards her. (Staying in your own lane and let her come to you). As we were walking, I was waiting for moments to hold her hand and eventually we did as we walked past a bridge. She reciprocated. I decided to sit down on a grass area.

She becomes really quiet. I just sit there and enjoyed the silence. Then eventually she started talking again, and I just shared stories and kept free associating, but she's not contributing a lot like before. One thing I wish I could've done better here is to speak with more conviction because I felt like the silence affected my vibe. Like maybe there was 5% of seeking validation. This has always been a bit of a sticking point for me. Anyway, we sit there and talked for a bit more. There were a lot of pauses because she got quieter. At one point, I thought I need to invite her home, so I asked her if she wanted to try my coconut jam. She thought about my offer for a bit then agreed. I hold her hand and lead her home. Good conversation followed.

Once we got back to my place, I grabbed the coconut jam and told her to try it. Then kissed her. I think she was very nervous lol. Because her lips was shaking, but she kissed back. We kept talking but she was getting quiet again. I kissed her again then she said this was too fast. I agreed and told her let's take it slow. I shared a couple of more stories or just random fun jokes. She just laughed but wasn't contributing to the conversation. Then I let the tension build, but maybe that was a bad idea because she was nervous. Not long after, she asked for the time and said she had to go. I smiled and said sure, then walked towards the door.
Her: "you don't have to walk me out"
I laughed "Oh i'm not"
It was a pretty awkward goodbye from an awkward girl lol.

After the date, I asked for advice from the Hotseat at home group, and one of the guys said maybe I should've been the first to call it out "Hey let's take it slow. We just met and I'm shy as fuck". Which was a good idea lol I forgot this technique from Max. Or maybe I should've called it out, like "hey are you nervous?" in a warm way. Oh well anyway. Back to work. I've been fking the backpacker for the past few days and didn't get as much work as I would like to get done.

 

[Smith]

Just spend the last week or so with the girl I met almost two weeks or so. We had such an amazing time together. It was sad when she left yesterday. She send me a heart warming text about the whole experience, and it made me realize how powerful one little decision to talk to a girl can not only affect your life but also hers as well. Experience like this is something I'll never forget in my life no matter how many women I sleep with. Anyway, right after she left, I talked to two girls on my way to the gym and exchanged numbers with both of them. I went on a date with one of them today, which ended rather abruptly lol. I felt the need to write this down, because I think it's one of those dates that I really need to sit down and remember how I feel so I don't make the same mistakes again.

So I saw this girl as I was about to cross the road and head home, but I turned around and caught up with her. She was flattered when I gave her a compliment. I remember I felt great after the gym and already had a good interaction with another girl a few minutes before, so I was riding the wave of social momentum. Everything was pretty good in this interaction. My intent was clear and I was free-flowing and joking with her. However, after finding out a little about her, I had a gut feeling that we might have a good sexual connection but she doesn't really have anything that interests me because she kept telling me she's boring and doesn't do any sport stuff or anything. So personality-wise, I didn't think we would be a good match. I asked her out on an instant-date but she said she had to go to church and offered to exchange numbers. She put her number in my phone and mine's in hers. I didn't send her an icebreaker that night because she already had my number and I was also planning on asking her out the next day.

Next morning comes, I send her a typical "Hey XX, thinking about grabbing that coffee sometime! what's your schedule like?" She replied 30 mins later saying she's free this afternoon or next weekend. I told her to meet me in the afternoon, and we set up a time and place.

I meditated for about 10 mins before the date. I found that this always helps me to enjoy the date. Anyway, skip forward to the date. The initial vibe was ok. We were both enjoying ourselves. Started with a little of fluff talk, then transitioned into building connection. One thing that annoyed me a little was that she didn't have any stories to share, and I was the one coming up with funny stories. That I found weird because she's 29 and I'm 23, and she has studied oversea before, so there must be something she could talk about. Maybe she felt put on the spot and couldn't talk about herself. We talked for about 30 mins, then I didn't realize the cafe close early today, so we were kindly asked to leave.

This kind of screwed up my date process a little. I felt a little rushed to escalate because my date process is usually sit at the cafe and build connection and have fun for about 45mins to an hour and then when there is that moment of "silence" where we kind of like each other, then I suggest we go for a walk where I can start escalate. Anyway, since the cafe was closing, I suggested we go for a walk and sit down at a grassy area in front of a river nearby. But the whole thing still feels a little rushed to me. My past experience told me that rushing a date and moving too fast could freak out the girl. On the way there, I started to hold her hand to test the water. She was loosely holding onto it and doesn't hold on tight when I let go a little. It was good that I started escalate, because waiting any longer probably wouldn't do anyone any good either. However, at that moment I felt like I should've called it out, like "this is a little too fast and I'm shy so you better take it slow" but I didn't. I wonder if that was the right move.

I think my frame here also started to get into competitive mode and that's probably what went wrong. As we sat down on the grass, my voice felt constricted, which is a sign of getting into this competitive frame Tyler talks about. I wish I realized this at that time. You should always come from a collaborative frame. You're "in her head" to share the fun. My energy felt constricted too instead of being expansive.

She started to become a little quieter and conversation was ok. I felt like I could have I think my leadership vibe could've been better here. She also wasn't really relating that much, doing the whole "I'm boring I got nothing to share" thing. Sometimes I feel like I'm the one who has let go more. I made the mistake of cutting her off during the conversation once. I should try to pause more later on in the date next time. I tried to seed some ideas for pull, but she wasn't jumping on the opportunity, so I had to just lead her back to my place by inviting her to look at some of my paintings.

On our way home, we were holding hands but she was still loosely holding onto it, which is an okay sign, but not a solid one. As we got to our place, she was a little hesitant to come up. I asked her if she wanted anything to drink. She said she's fine. Maybe I should have grabbed water myself and chilled in the kitchen for a while before I move her to my room??? So it doesn't seem like I'm eager to get her to my room?? shit..gotta try that next time if the girl seems nervousness and a little unsure lol

Once we got to our room, she left the door open, which was fine. I could tell she was a little nervous and unsure. she waited at the door and asked me where's my painting. I think I was moving too fast. She sat down on my bed. I took some deep breaths to relax myself. I showed her my paintings. She laughed and said I have potential. I put the paintings aside and sat down next to her. My vibe was starting to become serious and heavy, instead of relaxed and fun. I leaned in to kiss her when she was talking but stopped right in front of her face to see if she'll kiss me. She hold the tension for one second and backed off and got up. She walked towards the door, and told me she can't do this. I said ok. and she left.

3 things I did well
1. Escalation. Just go for it then calibrate. (Although in the end she walked away too fast, there was nothing I could do lol)
2. Lead. Just lead.
3. Sharing stories. Getting better at it. Although I need remember to stay present while talking, so there's no try hard vibe coming off. And just take my time enjoying my story.

4 things I could've done better
1. Calibration - always the key. Should've chill and relax more at the river front. Then slow down when we were back at my place. Don't move too fast if the girl's not comfortable.
2. Moving in for the kiss. I felt like I shouldn't have stop right in front of her face and should've just kissed her and maybe she'll melt into it. Because I think MAYBE her logic kicked in during that brief second, and she realized this was moving too fast. Anyway, I was experimenting with this.
3. "I'm in your head" - I should remember the feeling that I'm here to share and have that authority vibe and emotion behind the things I say. I think the authority vibe was gone when we moved to the river front.
4. Collaborative frame. The girl want the same thing as you. You are on the same team. Don't be competitive. Your energy is hers and hers is yours.

Let me know what you think. Appreciate any feedback =) Have another date tomorrow. Hopefully I can take the lessons from here and apply it tomorrow.

 

[Smith]

Just watched a couple of lectures on positive psychology taught at Harvard today. That stuff is so good, I wish I can watch all 20 lectures at once. I think there will be one on self-fulfiling prophecy, which should be interesting. The concept of asking the right question really resonated with me. The question you ask determines your reality. When all you ask is "what is wrong? Why is this not working?", then all you see is the negatives, and you literally don't see the positivies, i.e. the stuff that is working. So for this post, I'm going to focus on what has been working and making me happier in my daily life, because lately I've been procrastinating and I'm relying too much on pick up to give me a sense of achievement. (although it certainly motivates me to go out) I focused too much on getting lay and it makes me too outcome dependent. Lately, when I'm on a date, all I could think about is "when are we gonna fuck?" lol. And I push things too fast because I just don't have the patience, and if this girl is not even that fantastic, I get even more impatient because I knew I had done it before with a girl like her lol. Anyway...focus on the positives. Whatever you focus on becomes your reality.

So game-wise
Question: what are the things that's helping me with girls?
1. Being present to the moment. Completely immerse myself and not worrying about anything. I already know the basic hows, so time to let it go.
2. Clarity of intent. The "Hey I'm in your head" thing generally works pretty well for me. Getting better at that during the initial interaction, especially speaking with authority and emotion.
3. Realizing that the chances of you not getting a hottie could just be the same as not getting an average chick. It's all a self-fufiling prophecy.
4. connection building, and free association. Just say whatever feels good. It's not the content that matters, but the emotion in your subcommunication that matters. Uncouple the content from the emotion. Make sure that emotion is genuine as well, and you truly believe what you're saying is exciting.
5. Physical escalation. I'm more relax now about touch.
6. Strength zone. Staying in your own lane and not reacting to the girl.
7. Collaborative frame. Stay out of the competitive frame that you must take something from the girl. It's all sharing, giving and fun.

General daily life
What are the things that I'm doing that's making my daily life happier and helps me focus?
1. Meditation
2. Actually stick to my schedule and not giving in to temptations. Getting work done in the morning, and spend some time just get out of the house and do a bit of cold approach, then go home and continue working. Then I can rest at night.
3. Socialize. Talk to girls. Something about going out doing even a little cold approach pick up just wakes up my brain immediately. This is so key, and it starts as soon as you walk out of the house. Whenever I start interacting with girls as soon as I see them, it starts to build an upward momentum. It should already be assumed that I will be talking to girls when I walk out of the house.
4. Gym. When I do it regularly, even the mere fact of doing it makes me feel better than not going.
5. reading.
6. spend less time on social media.
7. Being optimistic. Having a positive outlook on current situation and the future. Believe in myself that I can do this.
8. sleep earlier! I used to have this habit, and it changed my life dramatically. I could focus much better during the day.

Anyway, everything changes today. The same adverse circumstances can happen to different people, but one will become motivated to do better and one will become discouraged and ruminate on their failures. I choose to be the first one today. I went on a date with a girl I met yesterday. It wasn't what I had expected, and tbh I was a little disappointed that she had decided to invite her friend. Honestly, we had a good time for the first 30 mins before her friend arrived, and I think she might have realized what a mistake she had made. Anyway, the goodbye was a little awkward. Not sure if I want to see her again and go through the trouble of dating a very inexperience girl. But oh well. shooting a quick text won't hurt.

After the date I was ruminating on what a failure that was but picked myself up and went to the gym. That's when I had the realization that I could use this as an opportunity to motivate myself to become better rather than sitting there *thinking* about what a failure that was and just mental masturbating. Then I came home, someone posted this positive psychology video on hotseat at home and the same idea strike me again. Tyler was right that once you lost the upward spiral momentum, it's hard to get up again. I'm definitely experiencing this right now. In fact, last year was a slight downward spiral in terms of my study, even though seduction wise it was going up. However, I'm going to do my best and put myself on that upward spiral again!

 

[Smith]

FR: unexpectedly friendzoned? Did I show too much value as a player and became unattainable?

So I went on this date today with a girl who is very inexperienced. Before I went on this date, I was with another girl who I had great connection with and we were holding hands by the end of that date. I would have brought her home if it wasn't for this date with this other girl. Anyway, I was running late and arrived at the cafe to see her sitting at a table. I greeted her warmly and ordered my drink then sat down. I did my usual thing. Just chat and have fun. But she kept asking me "do you do this a lot?" I just said "yes" and shrugged like it's no big deal. "I thought it's normal that people do this." Then she was like "no haha most guys don't walk up to girls and do things like that.". This is where I think things get a little tricky.
Her: "so when was your last gf?"
Me: "like a proper gf?"
Her: "haha is there an improper gf?"
Me: "haha well I mean...I don't know how to explain that haha"
Her: "like a fling?"
Me: "haha yea...maybe about a couple of months ago" (it was actually about 3 weeks from my last lay...but I didn't want to seem too player-ish)
Her: "what?!" she looked surprised.

Then I asked about her past experience with boys. No one has ever asked her out. She had a crush on a guy for 8 years. She has next to zero guy friends. So I can understand why she was interested in my dating life lol. Then I told her: "why do no guy ask you out? You're so pretty!" She smiled and said she didn't know why either.
Then she kept asking me "if most girls respond to me." I told her "oh it depends on my mood. If I'm in a good mood, we generally have a good time." She then mentioned a friend who I approached before but can't remember.
Her: "so this is like your thing huh?"
Me: "haha hmm well it's nothing. I'm super shy and this is my first date in 5 years"
Her: "hahaha yea right!"

Note to self: never talk about pick up when you're seducing a girl.

Anyway, we still had a good conversation. Then I decided to move things forward.
Me; "wannna go for a walk?"
Her: "It's quite cold outside."
True...I changed topic. The vibe was still good. Then I tried for the pull. Told her to come over and I'll show her how to do painting at my house. She thought about it and said next time. Feeling a little defeated, but moved on in the conversation.
Then she told me.."It's good to have a guy friend because guys are so confusing."
Huh? What?
Me: "Do you have a guy friend?"
Her: "yea...well like there's this guy who kept sending mixed signal to my friend. and we can't figure out what he wants."
Me: "ahh right..."
Me; "well I like you though"
Her: "huh?"
I smiled and looked at her.
I spoke slower; "well I like you though...I like how you're so open and warm."
She smiled and blushed a little: "Yea I like to just tell people what I think."
Me;" mmhmm...I like that!"

Then it was about time to go. We both got up and walked out of the cafe.
Her: "hey send me a message and add me on facebook...because I don't usually have credits on my phone."
Me: "sure what's your name?"
I pulled out my phone and she added herself.

Lesson learned
1. more man-to-woman communication - eye contact (mission 5. I noticed my eye contact wasn't that strong on this date . I think I slipped a little), Physical escalation (couldn't really escalate at the cafe but I think that's a minor thing),
2. Don't talk about pickup. or need to calibrate because this could show too much value and make you seem unattainable.

One question though. I'm surprised my man-to-woman vibe wasn't clear with this girl, whereas with the girl on my previous date, I didn't even have to do much! Anyone else experience this?
Thanks for reading this! Any advice is appreciated!

 

[Smith]

I heard Julien talking about this the other day, but it didn't click with me until today when I'm out, and that is the reason we feel anxious when it comes to pickup, i.e. approach anxiety, exchanging numbers..etc., is because we subconsciously know we're fucking her over. The only reason I felt this today is because initially when I went out, I had two good interactions where I was just in the giving state of mind and didn't really care how the girls react. Then after I shot this video for a project I'm working on, I felt annoyed because the video could've been better and I was picking up little insecure details about myself. As I was walking home, I saw this girl that I would like to talk to, but because she's walking towards a residential college that I'm familiar with, I thought I won't approach her just so I don't spread a reputation. Then after that, this negative momentum started to build, and the next girl I saw I couldn't go up to her because I literally feel like I wasn't good looking enough. It was strange having that thought came up, because I never thought looks is a problem lol In both instances, I was subconsciously thinking if I talk to those girls, they would get nothing out of the interaction and it wasn't a win-win for them.

I was amazed by how quickly my mood changed after I shot that video and noticed the little insecurities about myself. I'm glad that's something I have to work on next. Just accept and be perfectly fine with them. Then focus on giving and make it a win-win for the girl.

In the past few weeks, I've been focusing on being social and make it a part of who I am, and it's been awesome. There's a lot of benefits to being social and just have fun talking to everyone. Make talking to strangers just a part of who you are and not something you turn on.

Also I've been reading this book called "whatever arises, love that". It's a bit spiritual but still has practical advice you can apply in your daily life. What I have found after applying the advice in that book is that, sometimes when I see a girl I want to talk to, I literally can't give any feeling of love towards her. I don't know why, but I was astonished. My body was already in the state of protecting itself that I can't even give out love towards her. It's like my body is already anticipating hurt from her and it's shutting down to protect my emotion.

 

[Smith]

Hey guys,

So I went on this "date" with a girl I met sometime last week. We had a pretty good vibe going on in the initial interaction and when I asked her to grab lunch, she said no and offered to meet up another time. I thought cool no problem. Then I texted her an ice breaker, which she replied the next morning with this...
" Hey =)I'm sorry I should have clarified this yesterday when we were talking - I'm going through a break up so I don't ahve any intentions right now to date people. I realized I was being misleading yesterday and I sincerely apologized. I didn't really think things through. I'm very open to get to know you as a friend but that's completely up to you! I hope you understand."

Me: "I appreciate the honesty =) shows me you're a straight up no bs person. If you're not at a place in your life right now to meet new people, i can totally understand. I'm not looking for anything serious right now if I"m being honest, but I"m open to anything. We can just have a good time and no pressure or expectations."

Her: " Thanks for understanding =) that sounds good! tbh I'm more in need of just general social interactions with people haha"

Then I proceed to ask her to hangout this weekend. She offered to meet up at some other place, but I just teased her that the name of the cafe reminds me of my ex and offered another place, and she agreed. At this point, I don't really know what I want with this girl, so I was thinking I'll just play things by the ear.

meet up

She was running late, so I just ordered my hot chocolate and sat down. She arrived about 5 mins later and apologized for being late. She ordered her drink and sat down. After a bit of small talk, we started talking about our break, well more specifically, her break up most of the time. Now this was very interesting to listen to...She decided to break up with her ex 2 weeks ago, but she regretted it the next day and her main reason being that she lives in a small city and she's not sure how to meet new people again. I was mildly shock to hear this lol And she told me if she was living in a big city, she wouldn't worry about the break up so much. I just sat there and listen and took my time to understand how she feels and make assumptions and statements about it. Then we started to get to know each other. I was in a very good present energy and we actually have a lot in common - same hometown, almost the same upbringing..etc. I was starting to like her, but I feel like she wasn't ready emotionally to move on. We talked about our first kiss and stuff and were being slightly sexual. Anyway, time flies when you're having a good time and the cafe was starting to pack up. I suggested we go hang out at my place. She asked how far. I said two minutes and joked that I can't live too far from the campus, it kills me in the morning. On the way back to my place, she was walking close to me but her arms were folded because it was cold, so I just kept the vibe fun.

Once we got back to my place, she sat down on my chair instead of my bed. I turned on my laptop and played some music. Somehow we ended up talking about her break up again, and she was getting emotion and started crying. I was trying to empathize with her and put myself in her shoes to see how I feel but I just couldn't really relate, because my first instinct is to go out and meet new girls lol. I had to restrain myself from saying " just be positive!" or giving any advice because I know she just wants to be heard. So I just sat there and stay present. I would nod my head and let the silence sat between us. Then she would kept talking about how she feels. She's pretty self-aware about her weaknesses. I could tell that she's a pretty clingy person underneath and she even hinted that herself. She kept jumping from relationship to relationship and she doesn't know how to be alone. So she wants to learn how to be on her own again and have her own social circle. Honestly, I was thinking "fk ...I'll never get a chance now lol bad timing", but on the other hand, probably not the best relationship material.

The more we connected, the more I feel aroused. I complimented on her legs during the conversation then we watched some youtube videos. I touched her hand to guide the mouse when we were looking for videos and some innocent touch here and there. We came across a video of people trying to eat dog meat for the first time. She told me she's actually ok with it. I looked at her in disgust and pushed her chair away. Then she started to explain her self, and I tried to understand it from her point of view but also gave my point of view that I think dogs are pets that's why most people think it's weird. After a while she suggested that we go watch Bad neighbours 2. I was thinking whether I should just end this right now, but decided fk it let's see where this go.

We walked out of my place. I go for her hand when we were talking about abortion (Lol i know..weird timing to escalate but it felt like the right time) and she moved away. I just kept talking then I turned my head to look at her. She looked serious and said "I thought I was being clear that...." Then proceed to talk about how she's not ready *yawn.
I told her I understand and didn't say anything else. Then she wanted me to make a clear cut decision - either friend or we don't see each other again. I was thinking....she's really cool to hang out with but at the same time I really want to fuck her....I don't mind having her as a friend we have so much to talk about. So I didn't say anything and just trying to think. Then we saw her friends. She said something in korean...a word I have never heard of, so I asked her "is that another word for hello?" she laughed and said "that's her name!" We both laughed and the vibe was fun and relaxed again.

Then I immediately told her.
Me: "You know..I really enjoy talking to you"
Me: "but I also find you attractive"
Her:"Thanks... I'm flattered =)"

Then she asked me if I just go talk to strangers and ask them out. I said yea that's how I had all my relationships. I don't like dating people in my social circle. She agrees.

At her place, she grabbed her jacket then we walked to the cinema.I teased her about her high heels, which made her seem just as tall as me. I focused on giving value and not being pissed about getting rejected, so we were still having a good time. These days I'm experimenting with less escalation and let the girls chase, I remember whenever I had a good seduction, I always focused on giving good vibes rather than trying to just escalate heavily on the girl. So we watched the movie, which was actually a great date movie. A lot of sexual stuff in there that's funny. Out of the corner of my eye, I could catch her looking at me whenever something funny happened, but I just looked straight ahead.

Once the movie ended, we walked back to her place. Didn't really escalate but just talked about some of the stuff I'll be doing this week. I focus my intent on sex and tried to make sure that's came across in my subcommunication. I was hoping she would invite me upstairs but she thanked me for a good time and gave me a hug. She asked me if I wanted to use her umbrella. I said sure if she doesn't mind doing without an umbrella. She said sure just give it back to her next time. I wasn't sure if this was a way of her making me see her again or what. Even though I didn't really say I wanted to be just friends, I'm not sure where we stand now. And as I'm typing this, I kinda dreading to see her again and wished I didn't take the umbrella.

Things I did well
1. sex talk
2. empathize with the girl. Get her to open up more.
3. glad I still expressed my intent.
4. Stayed in my own lane. Collaborative frame. Not reacting to her.

Things I need to improve on
1. subcommunication
2. entitlement
3. ??

Thanks for reading this! Love to hear some feedback.

 

[Smith]

It's been a busy week and something happened at uni that just makes me worry a lot. One of my tutor was very harsh on me and usually I don't take it personally. However, maybe it was the way he said it, which just reminded me of my parents or high school bullies. I was completely stuck in my head and lost all my confidence when he asked me questions. But he did put a fire under my ass, I'm going to work harder until graduation in 6 months.

Anyway, I'm still talking and chatting up girls everyday except yesterday, which I thought I could just take a day off and stayed home all day studying. Plus it was raining hard outside. I texted a girl I went on a first date with last weekend. I don't really have any feelings towards her, but I thought why not just invite her over to watch a movie. She agreed and came over on a stormy day. The weather was absolutely shit lol I thought she might reschedule or something but she came anyway.

Anyway, she walked in. I wasn't feeling social, but I knew I need to warm up by just saying whatever's on my mind. We had a fun conversation. Just playing around with hypothetical scenarios. Then I sat on my bed, and she sat miles away lol. We just kept talking and joking around. I got up and showed her a youtube video on my computer. Then sat down closer to her. A few more minutes of chit chat. I leaned in to kiss her. She kissed me briefly but moved away saying "sorry..I have never done this before." I smiled and told her "haha that's ok...what was your first kiss like?"
Her: "haha that was my first kiss"
I looked at her in disbelief then I remember she's only 18 and her prom date was just her platonic friend.
Me: "haha that's alright..we'll take it slow "
Her: "yes please"
Anyway, my pizza arrived, so I went downstairs to grab it.
Then we put on a movie, The Antman. I put my arm around her and kissed her again during the movie, but she moved away after a couple of second and said sorry. No big deal. We just kept watching the movie and talked a bit here and there when something funny happened. Once the movie finished, she looked at her watch and said she had to go soon. I said "ok". Then I got up and escort her to the door.

Lesson: next time, fuck the movie. Just talk to her more and once she's more comfortable, then put on the movie.

I'm meeting up with a RSD guy from Julien's TenGame group. Will see how it goes!

 

[Smith]

Sup guys, haven't update this in a while but thought I will share an amazing adventure I had just a few days ago. Honestly, it was probably one of my best seductions...

So I was on my way to get a haircut. I've already talked to a couple of girls throughout the day and was just warming up. I saw this girl taking a photo of this magnificent church we had at our town square. Instantly, I knew she was a tourist. I only saw her back, but I decided to talk to her anyway.
Me: "Excuse me"
She turned around and we locked eye contact. I've been practicing projecting my sexual intent, so the moment we locked eye contact, I could feel the sexual tension already. She looked even better from the front.
Me: "You look really cute"
She smiled and was taken aback by the compliment. She kinda turned her body side way as if she's about to walk away, but I focused on the check-this-out vibe and asked her where she's from. It turns out she's from the same country as me, and she opened up immediately. We talked for a bit and I asked a few logistic questions like how long she's going to be here...etc. I got the sense that she won't be here long, so I have to instant date her. I told her let's meet up in an hour or so after I got my haircut, and she agreed. Throughout the interaction, I was just feeling aroused and actually got a boner from talking to her, which is very rare. Anyway, we said goodbye and I told her to meet me right here.

An hour later, she texted me to confirm what time we're meeting, so that's a pretty good sign. We met up. She was a little bit late, but ran towards me. We started walking and talking. I was feeling very aroused by this girl. I started holding her hand, but she wasn't that into it and told me "is this normal what guys do here?". I just smiled and said "haha well I just feel like holding your hand". then let go of her hand and talked about something else. The vibe was flowing and fun, and I was getting to know her deeply at the same time. I decided to show her around the campus rather than sitting down at a cafe. We walked to this clock tower building at our campus and sat down on a bench. We started to talk about first kiss and dating. I asked her some hypothetical scenarios that's fun, flirty and playful, like "what if you're dating a guy...blah blah blah". Then at one point, I decided to invite her home. She thought about it and said it's too fast, but we started walking anyway. Then she stopped and said it's not a good idea. I empathized with her and said "well if you don't want to come that's fine. we can do something else." She happily said yes. I told her I'll show her around more. She went to take a couple of pictures then came back and told me "you don't have to show me around if you've got other plans."
I didn't know if I was getting rejected or not, so I told her "oh it's fine. today's my day off anyway. I like you. I'll show you around more" Then I started walking. I didn't let this bother me and focus on offering value and make myself feel good. Then we started to have fun talking again. I showed her around our library because she wanted to see it. We somehow walked past the Human Sexuality section lol and I asked her "so what do you think makes good sex?" She said something in Chinese. I tried to interpret what she means and she said just two people who can be open with each other. She asked me back and I said "just crazy and wild sex". We were talking about sex in the library and she was getting self-conscious.
Her: "haha do we have to talk about this here?'
Me: "yes haha everyone's judging us! This is so bad!" (embrace it and link it to fun, carefree and passion)
Then we walked out of the library and walked back to town. It was getting dark and about dinner time. I asked her what she cooks and told her to teach me how to cook that. She asked me where we're going to cook. I just told her my place. She teased me back "and we're ending up going back to your place again haha".

We walked to the supermarket and looked for the ingredients. She shit test me a couple of times when we couldn't find the ingredients.
Her: "let's just eat outside haha"
Me: "haha no.. we don't give up like that" (collaborative frame rather than competitive)

Then we did found the ingredients. I used it to tease her
Me: "I hope you learn a lesson out of this... never give up on finding ingredients"
Her: "haha shut up"

On the way home, she teased me a couple of times about going home but I just playfully play along with her.

Once we got home, my flatmate was cooking, so I told her to come upstairs first and we'll wait until he finish. She was very reluctant to come into my room lol She just waited outside for a couple of mins. I was just "ok suit yourself lol". Then I played a youtube video we were talking about and kinda draw her into my room. I just focused on building comfort and vibing with her at this point. At one point, when I thought she was comfortable, I leaned in to kiss her. She kinda leaned back but we still kissed. She was shaking but kissing me back.
Me: "are you nervous?"
Her: "of course. we just met"
so I backed off a bit and just kept talking and connecting with her. We had a lot of fun actually. Then we went downstairs to cook. She asked me if I want to eat downstairs or in my room. I told her "let's eat upstairs. Just leave your bag here." At this point, I knew it was going to happen and all I have to do is just stay chill and keep doing the same thing.

So we went downstairs to cook. Not a lot of conversation going but that's just natural. I told her to try one of the eggroll and grabbed her by the waist and kissed her.
Me: "hmm it tastes good"
Her: "haha you're sneaky"
We grabbed our food upstairs and ate while watching videos. I tried to kiss her a couple of times but she's always resisting a little, but still smiling and laughing. I asked her about what her values are and what's important to her. I wasn't in a rush to escalate heavily, but the sexual tension was building. At one point, she was too nervous to look into my eyes and used her hand to block them. I teased her "wow you have a really wrinkly hand". Then finally when I tried to kiss her again, she moved her head away and told me she wanted to go home. I was a little shocked because it didn't make sense.
Me: "ok if you want to go you can go."
Her: " yup thank you" she really does want to go. I wasn't about to give up and let her go right here. Play to win. so I thought about what her goals are and if I'm making the situation win win.
Me: "But I really want you to stay because we're having so much fun"
We looked at each other. I decided to be real even more.
Me: "I really want you to stay the night but if you want to go, it's your choice."
She thought about it.
Her: "How about you come to my hotel?"
I thought about what that means...maybe she just need to pack something for when she leaves tomorrow and I was right.
Me: "hmmm...Ok let's go"
Her: "oh really? I thought u might reject that"
Me: "na all good. let's clean the dishes first."
Her: "you might want to bring your laptop so you don't get bored."
Me: "ok"
so we walked to her hotel. Luckily, she's not sharing a room.

She was packing her stuff first and sorting out her trip for tomorrow. I just laid on her bed and looked at some of the photos she's taken. Just really self-amusing myself while we wait to have sex lol. I knew it was going to happen. Just have to be patient. I made out heavily with her at one point, but that's about it. Then about 12.30pm, after we've both taken a shower and laying in bed ready to sleep. That's when things finally go down. In total, this seduction took me over 8 hours. I genuinely had a great time with this girl. Not only is she attractive, our sense of humour is very similar too. It's really too bad she was leaving the next day. We both felt like this was a dream.

We woke up the next day, had sex a couple more times, then went out to grab breakfast. She was very affectionate. Then she walked me to class and that's when we said goodbye.

 

[Mystique]

Sup guys, haven't update this in a
while but thought I will share an
amazing adventure I had just a few
days ago. Honestly, it was probably
one of my best seductions...
So I was on my way to get a haircut.
I've already talked to a couple of girls
throughout the day and was just
warming up. I saw this girl taking a
photo of this magnificent church we
had at our town square. Instantly, I
knew she was a tourist. I only saw
her back, but I decided to talk to her
anyway.
Me: "Excuse me"
She turned around and we locked
eye contact. I've been practicing
projecting my sexual intent, so the
moment we locked eye contact, I
could feel the sexual tension already.
She looked even better from the
front.
Me: "You look really cute"
She smiled and was taken aback by
the compliment. She kinda turned
her body side way as if she's about
to walk away, but I focused on the
check-this-out vibe and asked her
where she's from. It turns out she's
from the same country as me, and
she opened up immediately. We
talked for a bit and I asked a few
logistic questions like how long
she's going to be here...etc. I got the
sense that she won't be here long, so
I have to instant date her. I told her
let's meet up in an hour or so after I
got my haircut, and she agreed.
Throughout the interaction, I was just
feeling aroused and actually got a
boner from talking to her, which is
very rare. Anyway, we said goodbye
and I told her to meet me right here.
An hour later, she texted me to
confirm what time we're meeting, so
that's a pretty good sign. We met up.
She was a little bit late, but ran
towards me. We started walking and
talking. I was feeling very aroused by
this girl. I started holding her hand,
but she wasn't that into it and told
me "is this normal what guys do
here?". I just smiled and said "haha
well I just feel like holding your
hand". then let go of her hand and
talked about something else. The
vibe was flowing and fun, and I was
getting to know her deeply at the
same time. I decided to show her
around the campus rather than sitting
down at a cafe. We walked to this
clock tower building at our campus
and sat down on a bench. We started
to talk about first kiss and dating. I
asked her some hypothetical
scenarios that's fun, flirty and playful,
like "what if you're dating a
guy...blah blah blah". Then at one
point, I decided to invite her home.
She thought about it and said it's too
fast, but we started walking anyway.
Then she stopped and said it's not a
good idea. I empathized with her and
said "well if you don't want to come
that's fine. we can do something
else." She happily said yes. I told her
I'll show her around more. She went
to take a couple of pictures then
came back and told me "you don't
have to show me around if you've got
other plans."
I didn't know if I was getting rejected
or not, so I told her "oh it's fine.
today's my day off anyway. I like you.
I'll show you around more" Then I
started walking. I didn't let this
bother me and focus on offering
value and make myself feel good.
Then we started to have fun talking
again. I showed her around our
library because she wanted to see it.
We somehow walked past the Human
Sexuality section lol and I asked her
"so what do you think makes good
sex?" She said something in Chinese.
I tried to interpret what she means
and she said just two people who
can be open with each other. She
asked me back and I said "just crazy
and wild sex". We were talking about
sex in the library and she was
getting self-conscious.
Her: "haha do we have to talk about
this here?'
Me: "yes haha everyone's judging us!
This is so bad!" (embrace it and link
it to fun, carefree and passion)
Then we walked out of the library
and walked back to town. It was
getting dark and about dinner time. I
asked her what she cooks and told
her to teach me how to cook that.
She asked me where we're going to
cook. I just told her my place. She
teased me back "and we're ending up
going back to your place again
haha".
We walked to the supermarket and
looked for the ingredients. She shit
test me a couple of times when we
couldn't find the ingredients.
Her: "let's just eat outside haha"
Me: "haha no.. we don't give up like
that" (collaborative frame rather than
competitive)
Then we did found the ingredients. I
used it to tease her
Me: "I hope you learn a lesson out of
this... never give up on finding
ingredients"
Her: "haha shut up"
On the way home, she teased me a
couple of times about going home
but I just playfully play along with
her.
Once we got home, my flatmate was
cooking, so I told her to come
upstairs first and we'll wait until he
finish. She was very reluctant to
come into my room lol She just
waited outside for a couple of mins. I
was just "ok suit yourself lol". Then I
played a youtube video we were
talking about and kinda draw her into
my room. I just focused on building
comfort and vibing with her at this
point. At one point, when I thought
she was comfortable, I leaned in to
kiss her. She kinda leaned back but
we still kissed. She was shaking but
kissing me back.
Me: "are you nervous?"
Her: "of course. we just met"
so I backed off a bit and just kept
talking and connecting with her. We
had a lot of fun actually. Then we
went downstairs to cook. She asked
me if I want to eat downstairs or in
my room. I told her "let's eat
upstairs. Just leave your bag here."
At this point, I knew it was going to
happen and all I have to do is just
stay chill and keep doing the same
thing.
So we went downstairs to cook. Not
a lot of conversation going but that's
just natural. I told her to try one of
the eggroll and grabbed her by the
waist and kissed her.
Me: "hmm it tastes good"
Her: "haha you're sneaky"
We grabbed our food upstairs and
ate while watching videos. I tried to
kiss her a couple of times but she's
always resisting a little, but still
smiling and laughing. I asked her
about what her values are and what's
important to her. I wasn't in a rush to
escalate heavily, but the sexual
tension was building. At one point,
she was too nervous to look into my
eyes and used her hand to block
them. I teased her "wow you have a
really wrinkly hand". Then finally
when I tried to kiss her again, she
moved her head away and told me
she wanted to go home. I was a little
shocked because it didn't make
sense.
Me: "ok if you want to go you can
go."
Her: " yup thank you" she really does
want to go. I wasn't about to give up
and let her go right here. Play to win.
so I thought about what her goals are
and if I'm making the situation win
win.
Me: "But I really want you to stay
because we're having so much fun"
We looked at each other. I decided to
be real even more.
Me: "I really want you to stay the
night but if you want to go, it's your
choice."
She thought about it.
Her: "How about you come to my
hotel?"
I thought about what that
means...maybe she just need to pack
something for when she leaves
tomorrow and I was right.
Me: "hmmm...Ok let's go"
Her: "oh really? I thought u might
reject that"
Me: "na all good. let's clean the
dishes first."
Her: "you might want to bring your
laptop so you don't get bored."
Me: "ok"
so we walked to her hotel. Luckily,
she's not sharing a room.
She was packing her stuff first and
sorting out her trip for tomorrow. I
just laid on her bed and looked at
some of the photos she's taken. Just
really self-amusing myself while we
wait to have sex lol. I knew it was
going to happen. Just have to be
patient. I made out heavily with her
at one point, but that's about it. Then
about 12.30pm, after we've both
taken a shower and laying in bed
ready to sleep. That's when things
finally go down. In total, this
seduction took me over 8 hours. I
genuinely had a great time with this
girl. Not only is she attractive, our
sense of humour is very similar too.
It's really too bad she was leaving
the next day. We both felt like this
was a dream.
We woke up the next day, had sex a
couple more times, then went out to
grab breakfast. She was very
affectionate. Then she walked me to
class and that's when we said
goodbye.

Nice lay report Smith- why isn't it posted in the field reports section. It took you 8hours, wow! It's also a same day lay (every seducer's dream). It looks like she's the shy type. The fact that she was traveling and she couldn't say when next you guys would see made her open to a fast sexual encounter. You did a good job making her comfortable. Also, your intuition were sharp enough to make you realize that she inviting you to her hotel when you tried escalating was not a rejection. Whenever I read you guys LRs I'm always jealous because you all have logistics taken care of - I don't and it's killing me (I gotta work harder). As always, I'm your fan. Cheers!

 

[Smith]

Hey guys,

So for the past week I've been in this validation seeking haze, I literally couldn't focus on my work. I just wanted to go out and talk to more girls and get laid. I had another long first-date lay (over 12 hours before we finally hooked up) last week. The girl stayed the night and we only fked in the morning. I might write it up another time when I'm ready because I've learned a lot and I think you guys can learn a lot from it too. It was a good reference experience on the right way to be persistent and don't pursue, attract.

Anyway, I didn't realize until today because I was seeking validation from that girl, it's the reason she seems to have more "value" than the rest of the girl. I've went on two instant dates this week and still couldn't get my mind off her, and the instant date I went on today was with a very beautiful girl, who was very inexperienced. I was very very surprised. But the chemistry with this girl was ok. Not amazing. Anyway, I had to watch Tyler's video on validation again to really see what's going on in my head. Like the girl, I'm just a validation junkie. I know the answer is to love myself and embrace it, but in reality it can be quite hard to not listen to the mental noise in your head. I feel much calmer now, and realized that the last few days when I went out gaming, I was looking for the same validation from other girls and no wonder I had a hard time warming up. So yea...that's where I am now. Just breaking away another layer of bs that's blocking me from being free.

 

[Smith]

Sup guys! Long time no see on this forum. Have been pretty busy with my study. Finally about to graduate at the end of the year and now hopefully I can get a job around a metropolitan city to do game and have the lifestyle I want. Currently in a relationship right now as I originally thought it would help me focus on my study and other area....but now I think sometimes it is better to be single and still do pick up even though you want to focus on work. The reason is because if you don't choose the right girl, it's only going to distract you from your purpose in life. There are tremendous benefits to doing pick up - you become more confident, charistmatic. You're not afraid of failure. You boss up quite hard. Of course, there are times when you do have to spend more time on other priorities, but getting into a relationship and hoping it would help you focus on getting more work done because you wont' spend too much time on pick up is an excuse not to boss up hard in life. Getting into a relationship can be quite distracting. Not only are you emotionally invested into someone, you're also investing more mental energy and time on them as well. This can be beneficial if both you and the girl aren't codependent on one another and have mutual goals you want to accomplish together. Otherwise, your relationship can just be a time drain that's not moving you towards where you want in life. I only realize this recently, because I got distracted so many times and had to force myself to focus on what really makes me happy, and that is your purpose in life! Never lose your mission in life because it's the only thing that will satisfy you to your core and kept your woman attracted to you. It's the grounding energy that makes you unreactive to her emotional drama. There are times when I'm happier being alone doing my work than being with my girl. And after I spend a good couple of days focusing on my work, now I'm able to see her and "be myself" and not need her to make me feel good. I've learned a lot in this relationship, and I feel like when this ends in December, I'll be able to "get back into game" more grounded on my purpose. I'm still chatting up strangers now and then, and found a RSD guy in my city who we go out daygame sometime. It's good to have a wingman to push you, and he's super dedicated. Something I'm focusing on recently is just try to relax myself when I'm approaching, and last week at the supermarket, I walked up to this cute girl and exchanged numbers. It was kind of strange because I was definitely not doing the "best game of my life" lol In fact, I was just chilled and kind of hesitant on asking her out because I'm in a relationship. I was dragging out the interaction until she's like "ok i'm gonna go" and slowly walked away looking at me, then I called her back and asked her out. I thought I would just exchange numbers and do nothing else. Send her an icebreaker text, which she replied quite warmly. almost a week later, she texted me and asked me out,....I was quite surprised because I thought she would've auto-rejected already. Now I actually can't wait to get back into game to see where my next level could be.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey mate I caught up on your journal late one night recently, been thinking how we are in a similar situation, about to graduate, preoccupied with study, doing safe type relationshippy stuff... like you I am not really sure it's a net benefit since the occasional drama does disrupt study a bit. Anyway hang in there. I finish this week. YEAH haha.
cheers, Ray

 

[Smith]

Haha yea I know right...recently I had to drag my gf to the library with me to study. Otherwise, sex would take up most of the day and I would get nothing done.

Anyway, Still two more weeks until my last exam. Woohoo!

 

[Smith]

I'm in Sydney currently... a lot of things have changed since I was here two years ago. It's amazing to be back to a city with an abundance of women. I was also in Brisbane last week for a job interview. The interview was a bit challenging, especially the group activities, but we'll see how it goes. Then I did daygame in Brisbane for a day and went on two instant date. I think in the first instant date, the conversation got a bit too flatlined and the interaction died down. I couldn't pull because she was carrying her luggage around and she was waiting for her friend to pick her up...The second instant date, the girl had a long distance bf. I tried to escalate to see how receptive she was, but she laughed and brushed it off, so that was it. Otherwise, I'm loving the opportunities I have here.

I've been out doing daygame for a couple of hours everyday for the past few days and because there are just so many girls around, it's very easy to go straight to another interaction. Looking back, if you read the beginning of my journal, you'll notice that I said Sydney CBD was a tough place to game, but for the last few days, that wasn't the case for me at all lol Almost everyone was receptive to me and open to talk for a bit. I think this has to do with how much I've grown over the last two years. My intent is clearer, and most importantly I'm thriving not coping most of the time. I can certainly notice it when I'm in coping and I just wanted validation. Hence, not all my daygame sessions were smooth and joyful, but I would say compare to 2 years ago, I'm definitely enjoying it more right now and love to offer value and good emotion to girls when I talk to them. And I can recognize when I'm in a taking mode and get myself out of it.

Some memorable interactions in the last few days
1. Approached this girl in the mall with a great vibe. Her eyes instantly light up when I asked her "Hey..are you from Japan?" She said "yes..how about you?"
Me: "I'm from NZ...I thought you look great and I wanna come say hi."
She doesn't seem to understand but was still smiling
Me: "I thought you look....great"
Her: "me? great?"
Me: "yea and super sexy"
She became really receptive and started touching me. I reciprocated. There was literally no conversation at all, just sexual tension. I literally don't remember any words I said lol Then she asked me how to get to this train station. I said "just go straight down and keep going". Then she pulled me to the side of the sidewalk and asked for my wechat. She added me and I saw her profile pic showing her sexy ass. I asked her what she does. She paused and said she's going to a job interview. Then I remember I don't even know her name so we exchanged names and said goodbye. She said she'll text me and she did in a few hours. I have a feeling this girl could be a stripper or a gogo dancer lol She always replies late and at no consistent hours, but she's keen to set up a date. Will see how the date goes tomorrow.

2. This is an approach where I got stuck in my head and I froze. I feel like i need to put this in too because not everyone's perfect, and I still need to keep reminding myself. "I'm full and I'm complete. I need nothing"

3. This is a series of interactions from yesterday that went really well, and it also shows how you should always jump straight into another interaction after another. I'm more comfortable talking to girls in a busy street now. I remember back then it used to scare me, but I love it now. What if other people saw me approaching? well they can have a good laugh too. who cares? I think the fear primarily comes from I don't know how to react if other people saw me getting rejected, but the truth is if you're still having a good vibe and not taking yourself too seriously, other people don't care lol. The first girl I was just feeling into the situation, because I tried to stand in front of her in a busy street when shit tons of people were pushing past. I gave her a compliment then I sensed that she wanted to cross the street so I walked with her. The vibe was good. After relating and connecting with her for a bit, I asked her out and she agreed. We exchanged numbers. Then I walked back to townhall, saw a really beautiful asian girl. She smiled and told me she had a bf after I complimented her. No big deal. I wished her a good day and jumped straight into another interaction and asked this girl where she was from and gave her a compliment. I was fully relaxed now. She asked me how old i was. I told her to guess and joked that I just shaved this morning so I might look a bit younger. She laughed and we continued the vibe. She started asking me questions. We were getting to know each other. Then I asked her where she was going and asked her out. She said no because she has to go to work soon. I said maybe another time, she just smiled and didn't answer. Then I kept talking about something else that just popped out of my mind and made her laugh, then I asked her out again. Still didn't give me an answer. I cracked another joke and made her laugh again, then I said let's exchange numbers. I gave her strong sexual eye contact as we said goodbye. Texted her icebreaker and didn't reply. Sometimes it still baffles me how the best interaction won't even text you back. Then approached another girl who looked confused at first when I said hi then she was flattered when I gave her a compliment, but she wasn't interested. Then a cute girl walk past and I immediately said hi to her and gave her a compliment. She was very receptive and wanted to pull me to the side of the sidewalk to talk to me, but since we were both walking to the central station, we just kept walking. We vibed a little more then exchanged numbers to meet up.

4. This is an interaction where everything seemed to go very well, but no response to icebreaker. I saw this girl sitting alone on a bench by the Opera house, so I gave her a compliment and sat down next to her. She was pretty receptive. The vibe was pretty good, and I asked her out to see if she's free in the weekend, she told me she's not sure because she always hangs out with her sister in the weekend, so we exchanged numbers.

Anyway, gonna go out pretty much everyday before I head back to NZ next week.

 

[Smith]

Today I had a big realization when I was out daygaming... The epiphany came after getting a couple of harsh rejection. My ego was getting hit and I caught myself thinking "I thought I was good with women...but apparently not because these girls just rejected me". It was a wtf moment. A thought that I've repeated to myself for the last few years that motivate me to do game more actually becomes the thing that's blocking me from getting good results. I had realized that the goal "to become successful with women" is nothing but an impossible concept you could never achieve. It's what you feed your ego when you get laid. You could never measure how "successful" you are with women. NEVER. Any attempt to measure it, i.e. good reactions, numbers and lays, are just ways to seek validation from the outside world. It is something that's outside of your control and you'll forever be chasing a phantom that doesn't exist. But what if you've slept with 100 girls you may ask..well there're guys who has slept with 200 or 300 girls...so maybe that only makes you an....intermediate? You get my point. It's never enough. At what point are you advanced?

You'll always be assuming you suck with women if your goal is to become successful with women. In another words, you're whispering to your subconscious that you're not enough. This is not just with success with women. This can be applied to other goals in life as well. If your goal is to develop core confidence, what does that assume? You're not enough. Any goals that assume your present self is not enough and your future self is better are terrible goals. It will be the main reason you have a success barrier, because deep down you think you're not enough. You don't feel worthy.

Today at the mall, I was so busy trying to get in state, I saw each interaction as a stepping stone towards becoming the more charismatic self, but instead none of the interaction goes the way I wanted. I had an agenda. I wasn't present to the moment. I wasn't appreciating the girl in front of me. I was merely using her to get into a social flow, and I was ready to bounce as soon as I get in state. Don't get me wrong, it's important to be social, but the place I was coming from was wrong. I wasn't there talking to girls to have fun and play. I was there to practice my game, so I can be better with women...whatever the fk that means.

So what's the alternative? Drop the goal to become successful with women. I could tell you I'm so relief and relaxed right now after I let go of the need to get better with women. I have to repeat again, because it's easy to go back to your old ways. You can not measure how good you are with women. Any ways of measuring it is just seeking external validation. Instead, focus on things that's within your control, i.e. how fun and carefree you are in the interactions. I like Julien's analogy that you're already good with women, but something is blocking you from expressing yourself. I finally feel like that block has finally been removed, and it goes back to this. Let go of the need to be good with women. Let go of the need to be more confident. You already have that within you, but something is blocking you and that could be your need to be good with women. This is what's making you needy and stifled.

It's ok to have no goals when you're out talking to women. There shouldn't be any goals when you're out socialising. I finally get it when RSD emphasizes on having fun. You're not having fun to sleep with the girl, as it is often misinterpreted. You're having fun because you don't need anything from the girl. That's what makes the interaction spontaneous. That's when the magic happens. Sex just happens if you get out of your own way and follow your desire without any fear and the need to prove to yourself you're confident and good with women. It's the paradox of once you let go of everything, only do you gain everything.

 

[Smith]

Hey guys,

I've recently to a big city 3 weeks ago and found a great job. Most of my friends around me are focus on making money, and that makes me motivated to think how I can improve myself everyday. As a result, I barely have time to think about pickup at all. My job makes me talking to people all day so I don't feel like I have to necessary go out all the time to improve my social skills. Also I feel like I've already invested enough time in pick up in the past and if I do meet a girl I like I know what to do. Just last week, brought home a cute girl I met on the street, but she was very resisitance to escalation. Tried to kiss her a few times, but no go. Then she said it straight up that she doesn't think kissing and sex is necessary in a relationship (she's a virgin). At that moment, I knew her values were very different to mine, and I knew if I got into a relationship with this girl I would not be happy at all. I had two choices, kept spending time with her until she falls in love with me or drop her and find someone who's more sexually experienced and is the type of girl I want....and u guessed it right. I dropped her. She insisted on watching a movie on the couch, but I told her I was getting tired and she got the hint and went home. I remember back then when I started, I would see this as a "failure to escalate", but now I just see it more like incompatibility. She doesn't want to kiss and have sex. Well...I could keep spending time with her if I think she's "worth the time". or if I just want to have a casual sex buddy, I probably wouldn't invest that much effort into it. I just don't give a fk any more. My day off from work are limited, and I do not want to spend it on girls I don't enjoy hanging out with. I think once you have this mindset, you start to really look past the superficial, like "is this girl hot?". You start to question, "Do we enjoy each other's company?" You start to have values of your own. Things you really look for in a girl. And you have to be willing to walk away if a girl doesn't have that value. You stop chasing other people for what you want. And the more I think about it, the more I can't explain what attraction is and how two people can get together. Sometimes there's just that natural chemistry between two people. Sometimes you can do a little game and spice things up a bit. Then that brings me to my next question. What the fuck is game? Some people say it's about showing the best side of yourself, but imo, it's about not being afraid to show every side of yourself, because that's what makes you interesting and intriguing. It's about accepting yourself and willing to put yourself out there. Nothing else matters.

So yea, right now dating is not that high on the list. But living a more interesting and adventurous life is. In the past, I've always done well with girls when my life is going well. Whereas when I spend too much time on pick up, I don't necessary do well. It's a fine balance.

 

[Smith]

Hey guys,
I'm back. After 8-9 months in a relationship, it had finally came to an end yesterday when we both agreed parting ways now is probably the best decision. Ever since we started long distance earlier this year, things have been running on a downward spiral. Most of the arguments had been around her going out clubbing more than I was happy with, and how she didn't bother checking in the next day. And I finally had enough yesterday. We had a long discussion about what changed, and long distance was probably one of the major factors on why we grew apart. We forgot about all the small things we loved about each other, and we started to fight a lot. She also started to like to go out a lot around Feb/March this year, which didn't help. Actually around that time, I knew I was in a sticky situation and could see this coming. She said she just goes out and drink a little to relax and have fun....but as a guy who have done pick up, we all know it's only a matter of time until things start to go wrong, and even though she said she's just there to dance and have fun, I honestly would rather not waste my time anymore. Dating a clubing girl is just not what I'm looking for in a long term relationship. So yea....it was very hard to break up with her when we both still have some feelings. But deep down I know it's a sinking ship, and it's probably best to ditch now than getting dragged down by the ship and drown. I told her it's probably best if we don't contact each other at all. She was quite unhappy about this, but it has to be done. Honestly, the pain is almost like losing a close friend. But she's dead to be now..as Julien would put it. Not in a mean way, but there's no going back now.

I know building myself back up won't be easy, but I know I can do this, as I had done a couple of times before. What I want in a girl is now clearer than before, and I have a fresh new perspective now. My goal is to be single for at least 6 months before I jump into a new relationship. I think getting back into game would sharpen my focus again in every aspect of my life, so I'm quite excited about this.

 

[Smith]

Sup guys,

Haven't been on this forum for a while. A little update since last time. I think after a couple of months of getting off my ass and get my life in shape again, I can start to feel like I'm on an upward spiral again. I've been hitting the gym 4 times a week in the morning before work. I think getting in shape has improved my results with women. I've also changed jobs and the new boss is an inspiration and a good mentor. You know that saying "you're the combination of the 5 people you hang out with the most". Being around him has definitely improved how I think and behave.
Just last week, right before I went on a date, I was naturally thinking "let's see how this date goes and whether I like her.". There's no longer that need to impress or hoping the date would go well. It's just a simple "let's see how it goes and have fun." And the date went great, I think I could have easily pulled, but because of a meeting that suddenly came up with my mentor, I had to end it early. Oh well, we will have to see what happen with her. At the end of the date, I told her let's cook dinner tomorrow night, which we agreed at 7pm. However, the next day, when i ping her.
Me around 4pm: "Hey XX, I'll pick u up at 6.30 and we'll go grocery shopping? =)"
at 6.30pm.
Her: "sorry for the last minute text, something came up with my job, i can't do today...I'm so sorry ;( I'll text you when I finish"
Alright lol i'll give her benefit of the doubt.
Me 7pm: "haha all good! have fun at your first day of work!"
Her 9pm: "no it's a job from my ex company =("
Me: 9.45pm: "omg haha they must really love you "
Her: 10.15pm: 'haha no they're just short staffed =("
Then i went to bed after that.

The thing is I also scheduled another date with another girl on that same night, but because I was a little sad this one cancelled, I decided to cancel the other one haha. Just wasn't in the mood.
Luckily I didn't send her to autorejection by rescheduling last minute, and it all worked out because she's now chasing more and we're gonna go out for dinner in a few hours as I'm typing this.
Not saying purposely flaking on girl works as a strategy, but sometimes you just gotta follow your gut feeling.
Anyway, I think being away from the forum and basically not focusing too much on "pick up" has paradoxically improve my game.
I'm not exactly sure what has changed, but I found myself starting to not tolerate a lot of bs in life. This includes the girls I want to spend time with. I think maybe that's where my new mindset is coming from.
Of course, the last couple of months, I also had a couple of disasterous date that thinking about it just makes me wannna cringe and laugh because it's so embarrassing lol.
Come to think about it, I actually haven't gone on as many dates as I had thought I would after the break up, partly because of busy schedule with work, but also because I haven't commit hard to going out. But I've decided that I will commit to this journey until I find the quality of woman I want in my life. It's strange how just when you think you're about to move on to the next level, your ex starts to contact you more and try to reignite things with you.
Today my mentor send me this quote "Comfort zone is where hope and dreams go and die".