The theme of the weekend was missed opportunities...... unfortunately. Good lessons, though, but didn't push hard enough.
Thai tourist
I was chilling in a square scoping for girls to approach when an Asian chick I didn't find attractive sat next to me. She was rubbing her ankle, so it was an easy situational opener for me. I got a vibe that she was friendly and we got to chatting. The main thing here was that the topics were quite innocuous, since she was traveling. I wasn't particularly interested in her, but we had a decent talk and she wasn't leaving, so I told her to accompany me to a tea shop across the street. She complied. I got some good touch of her shoulders and a little of her hips while we were waiting for my tea. Then, she showed me a landmark that she had spotted earlier nearby. While she was showing it to me, I focused on the one part of her that I did like (which was her hair). I did feel a little urge to just kiss her there, but gave myself the excuse that it would have been awkward........ I'm quite tall and she was a short Asian girl..
Instead I told her in a seductive voice that I have to tell her something, and then gave her a compliment on her hair. She was a bit surprised. My plan was to walk to the river nearby and then extract her home, but alas, she used the excuse that her ankle was hurting as an excuse. Maybe true, maybe not, who knows? I acquiesced and we went back to the same spot we were sitting before (don't move backwards). Shortly thereafter, she left.
Saturday Date 1
Went on a date I had met about a week back. Truth be told, I had approached her spontaneously when I noticed her ass and figure, but her face was meh. Told her 2 hours before the date to leave her heels at home, because we were going for a walk. To this she replied,
If you say so, but I always wear heels for special occasions
. The nice guy in me immediately wanted to reply
Ok, I wouldn't mind seeing you in heels
but then realized the folly in that.
She was wearing a nice summery dress when we met up. She mostly talked and I asked questions, deflecting her questions about me. She actually had unique ambitions, good head on her shoulders. Even though I asked the right questions and generally thought she was quite interesting, I felt like I was going through the motions. Quite soon into the convo, she started saying how she's talking too much and asked me to tell me more about myself. I typically deflected this, telling her to ask me something specific.
After about 40 minutes from meet, we got up - she said she was really thirsty and wanted some tea. She thought we would walk in the direction of cafes, but instead we turned in the direction where we came from (near my house). I told her I know a good tea place. I kept the convo going until we wound up at my place. It was quite an effortless pull home.
I got her some water and then made tea. She asked me to play some guitar. I played a tune, making sure to look in her eyes, because that is something I need to practice while playing. She enjoyed the tune and as I put the guitar away, I decided to just go for the kiss. However, as soon as I put my hands on her shoulders and started to close the distance she shuddered and stood up from the couch, startling even me. This caused me to impetuously react with
hold hold, hold on, relax, it's okay
Her reaction was almost comical.
That's how I knew to step back. We were sitting on the couch but there was a pretty big space between our bodies. As we progressed to talking I made sure to employ incidental touch ocassionally. I still kept the pace where she was doing most of the talking.
Occasionally, when she realized that she was doing most of the talking, she would interrupt and exclaim how she wanted to know more about me and that I was being very secretive. I didn't agree, inviting her to ask me questions. She even asked me if I was bored and if I wanted to sleep.
This kept going until, after employing incidental touch, I decided to go for another kiss. Alas, she refused again, saying it was too soon. What a crock of shit! I then went direct and told her that it's quite natural to touch when -people like each other, etc. She referred to her upbringing, saying she's old-fashioned, etc. I told her point blank that I wasn't that I was the wrong guy for that and that I didn't have time for this. I thought that that would make her want to leave, which I was actually fine with, because I could then get on with my day (do something productive or go meet more chicks). Instead we kept talking until I had to go for another appointment.
I left with her on good terms but was pretty pissed, even though the experience of bringing her home was a positive one. BTW, she was Thai, too, so these 2 Thai chicks left a bad taste in my mouth. Also, this reminded me why I typically don't go for Asian chicks, since I usually don't even find them attractive (btw, there aren't too many filipinas where I am, that's a different category of sensuality, in my opinion).
Saturday Date 2
I had another date lined-up right after the previous one. The girl seemed to me a bit chubbier, with smaller tits and more makeup than I had remembered her from meeting in the bus 1 week ago. She was relatively new in town, and was eager to meet people. We met at a square and then immediately went into a popular Starbucks. This is a crowded one and we went up to the 2nd floor to see if there were seats. There were two comy chairs open, and I decided to tell her to guard them while I got the drinks. Not the best decision, because: 1. I offered to get her coffee (hate that shit because I'm a cheapass and also because of the principle) 2. The line downstairs was long - I was prob. gone for 8 minutes.
The general vibe of the convo was that I'd ask her questions about her life, studies, etc. we'd talk for a while, and then it would die down. I deliberately took Ray's advice and didn't try to fish for questions and put on the bored look when the convo died down. There was a little high coffee table separating our two chairs, so I couldn't get any incidental touch in.
I think the bored look worked, because she would eventually come up with a question to ask. Consciously, to myself, I was feeling pretty bored and also not really that attracted to this girl. Having thought about this some more and reviewed the matrerial, it's my job as a man to steer the conversation to interesting topics or do something engaging. I could have teased her to make the mood more light.
We spent about 30 minutes in the cafe before I told her we should go for a walk. We actually walked to the bus stop and then took the bus (she lives in the same direction as me). When we sat in the bus, I invited her to come check out my guitar music (since that is something I had mentioned before). She agreed.
When we got home, I offerred her water, and again, like the previous chick, she sat with a pretty big space between us. She did ask to see the guitar, which I showed her. But, I didn't want to volunteer to play the music.... rather wanted her to ask, so left it at that. About 10 minutes after we arrived, she feigned that she got a text from a friend who locks herself out of the house. I played dumb as if I believed this story and just let it go. I missed my last 2 chances to make a move when she got up from the couch, and then when she was in the hallway putting on her shoes. Could've pinned her to the wall to make out, but frankly I was offended that she came up with this lame excuse..... not very good emotional control. The good part is that I invited her home relatively quickly.
The takeaway here is that I was not really having fun during the date and so was not in a playful mood. I know I still should have escalated, but really I do want to have game so that the escalation is not entirely unexpected. In this case, it would have come as a complete shocker to her emotionally because there was really nothing in our interaction that suggested seduction or sexuality.
I was really bummed when she left, mainly because I didn't do anything and was beating myself up about it.
Sunday - More Missed Opps
I'm walking home
Called out to a girl while running to catch up with her. She didn't hear me, as she was listening to music. Appreciative of the compliment.
her: I'm actually walking home
me: Oh, ok, well I won't follow you, but just felt compelled to tell you that
Doh! What a nice guy response.
Flattered girl
She was walking in my direction and to my surprise stopped in response to my
opener. I complimented her and she was giddy with flattery, but also shy. Unfortunately, she wasn't as attractive as I had assumed from afar, and so even though I could have pressed for a number, she was in a rush to a party and I let it go.
Silent girl
My compliment was long-winded on this one, and she actually didn't say anything in response, which caused me to feel embarrassed and trail off.
Mari
Ran after her after I saw her luscious ass. Complimented her gait, to which she replied she hadn't heard that before, with gratitude. Positive demeanor, some incidental touch. She told me quickly that was visiting and was going back to her hotel after meeting with some friends. We crossed the street - she said she was taking the train and asked me what I was doing. I told her honestly that I was waiting for the bus.
There was then a brief pause, which I broke by inviting her for coffee.
Mari: I just had some with my my friends. I really need to get back to the hotel, I have an early flight tomorrow
I didn't counter, even though it was only 8 PM ?!?!
Having thought more about this encounter, I realize that drinks would have been an offer more likely to be accepted. I typically don't drink, but this would have been a good situation to rely on that....
Also, I realize that having a place in mind in a particular area does wonders, because then I could be quite decisive and have no issues with leading to the place.
Hypothetical scenario:
me: Mari, live a little! You're on a mini-vacation and it's still quite early. Let's go for a drink and you can leave at any time you want. I will not prevent you from doing that.
The girl I didn't open
Uhh, this one was frustrating, because she was genuinely pretty in an uncommon way. Had sexy style as well, and she looked at me twice in the coffee shop I was in (even though I did check her out first). I pussied out almost as if I was shy BECAUSE she checked me out. This is exactly why I like to open ASAP, to prevent my brain from talking me out of meeting amazing women. Admittedly, it's more difficult in a coffee shop because going direct and loud makes the girl uncomfortable, but I def. could have opened her quite naturally while passing by her.
Want to work on injecting more playfulness, teasing, humor into dates to screen girls and also to have more fun myself. And also being more forceful, but I have a natural tendency to turn it into an aggressive "what you don't want to go with me?" vibe that scares girls. Instead, perhaps on just injecting humor into the method of convincing girls....
