Superlife Newbie Assignment

[Superlife]

IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE BUT..

So based on the fact I have the lay (no pun intended) of the land here in my small city as I have been going out with approaching in mind (but never doing so) I decided to start the assignment with day 4 today.
The results were in one case what may be considered amusing.. I even laughed about an hour after being initially mortified by the one exchange but now I'm just hoping I never encounter her again or that she knows anyone I do. Just from saying hi you ask? Well that's not quite what happened..

EXCHANGE 1
Arguably the best of the lot. I rounded the corner into a very short clothing store aisle (a walking space between rows of clothing) and said hi to a short cute probably Portugese or similar nationality girl. A brief smile flickered on her face as she quickly darted a glance up and down. My thought is she was flattered but .. I don't know if there was interest. Hard to really say. Maybe attracted but taken?

EXCHANGE 2
Same clothing store. Black girl working on putting stuff on the wall far down the aisle. I keep my eyes off her until just as I reach her and said the big hello. She looked me in the eye, flashed a smile.. (but at some point there was also a flash of annoyance.. not sure before or after she looked at me it was so quick.) and said hello back;. I said how its going. She said good, and asked how it was going with me. I said pretty good.
And I kept walking.
Writing it now it seems positive enough.. but she seemed pretty young. I'm concerned about hitting on high schoolers. I saw someone posting on here they ask "How's college going?"... but how's it going was all I could muster, I mean it was more than I planned on saying lol. I also don't want an employee to feel pressured at work especially since I plan to go back there frequently.

EXCHANGE 3

Same store, I see an attractive blonde, late 20ish maybe, come inside as I was about to leave. I walk around a bit and find her in the shoe section. She leans down RIGHT as I approach and I say "How's it going" as I'm walking by. No response. Either she had her radar up or, at the time I was thinking she thought I was talking to someone on the phone. I kept walking. She also reminded me of a girl I worked with who has something of a halo effect around her so.
This made me feel somewhat off to be honest. I don't know why really. I mean so she didn't respond - right? But it made me somewhat off balance. (actually while re-reading what I've written here I think a big part of my approach anxiety stems from concerns I'll discover I'm not as attractive as I think I am. I'm aware of how fundamentals increase attractiveness, but on some level that isn't sinking in).

I went to a nearby drug store. No girls I wanted to approach there.
Starting to get concerned now I'm not going to be able to finish today's challenge.

EXCHANGE 4 THIS ONE'S HA HA. (yeah) HA.

The sense of incompletion is looming more, I'm dreading now the idea of trying to say hello to passing girls in the mall (cause that's where I'm headed after the grocery store I'm in now) and so as I'm passing a woman with a little boy jumping in her grocery cart I'm thinking.. I can't just say hi so instead I said.. sigh.. "cute kid you have there."
Yeah.
Pretty sure she didn't know what to think. She said nothing as she went past. I found a milk carton to crawl into.

Almost immediately I was concerned security was going to come looking for me. Thank God that didn't happen.

The rest of the time in the grocery store was a cluster. As I was packing my stuff I saw a 20something blonde walk in. I went back inside. Tried like 3 ort 4 times to position myself so I could just get the word out in a non-awkward manner but she moved each time. She probably clocked me in the store then felt I was chasing her. My guess anyway cause it was fucking ridiculous. I mean when she first saw me she did a hair toss with her hand.. but... sigh.

I go to the mall. Girls I saw walking past would seem to be deliberate in avoiding eye contact and I just didn't see it being socially in tune with saying hello at those points. Also 2 or 3 times I start approaching only to see they're likely teens with their mothers so... nope on that.

EXCHANGE 5

Sometime back in the grocery store I had more or less decided to say hello to just about any woman more or less that was not socially awkward to do so.
So this was a bit of a gimme. Going into a bookstore, blonde 30 something who I found mildly attractive. I saw she was headed out of the store and as I made a point to go in through the small space she was using to leave she gave a small smile, and softly said "excuse me". Which is fine.

EXCHANGE 6

I'm about to leave another store. I see a girl who may or may not be attractive from behind but at least she has an attractive figure. She's pulling a bag or something out of a holder (I think) and then turns towards me. I smile and say hello. She broadly smiles back and says hello quite expectantly. I keep walking. I didn't find her attractive.

And that brings to a head an issue I have with pickup. I very much want to leave any woman better off than she was. But this small little interaction made me feel like I was leading her on. Is that fair? All I did was say hello. But it wasn't a normal thing thus the expectations are immediately different, no?

CONCLUSION
So yeah it could have been worse but... A real scarcity of attractive options today I think was a big issue. But it's a small place so what can I expect? Well that's my first kick at the can anyway. (ps. always open and appreciative of feedback if any comes to mind. Cheers!)

 

[OldGuy]

Saying "Hello" is a normal thing ( and will be for you if you keep at it). Since she doesn't know what else you have going on, it is a compliment to her.

 

[Superlife]

Saying "Hello" is a normal thing ( and will be for you if you keep at it). Since she doesn't know what else you have going on, it is a compliment to her.

Huh. Well that's cool! Thank you for the feedback. Yes, I intend to keep at it.

 

[gameboy]

seem to be deliberate in avoiding eye contact

Many I know what you mean, that's happened to me so many times it's not even real lol

Good job going out there and starting to say Hi! It was my first step in day game also. It's a small but immensely important step!

 

[Superlife]

Many I know what you mean, that's happened to me so many times it's not even real lol

Good job going out there and starting to say Hi! It was my first step in day game also. It's a small but immensely important step!

Thanks dude. Yea it was interesting, let's say that lol. I think a couple times (one I didn't mention it was so brief I wasn't even sure I wanted to approach) happened like they did because I was too much setting the angle of approach rather than just going in.

And yea I read the first few pages of your journal and it served as inspiration, so thanks to you!
I won't be going out every day like you but yeah gotta keep on the horse.

 

[Superlife]

Haven't made it out that much, maybe a couple of hours a couple of times.
I' had the "hi, how's your day" exchanges at least twice with clerks, but I've been talking with staff like that for years so .

Of the girls I've been attracted to that I've seen (not there has been many.. mall for example was dead yesterday) are ones that it would be super awkward trying to go up out of the blue.

One such girl rounded a corner a bit ahead of me onto the concourse, approaching in my direction far enough to see me on the other side. Knowing my opportunities would be limited, I decided to follow her and look for an opportunity to say hello (all the while chanting in my head, "it's ok to say hello". I don't know how badly I needed that but thought it couldn't hurt)..

Entering a drug store she immediately went into a makeup section and I thought... nah.

No other opportunities at the mall and I head to a department store. Again, a couple of other girls where it would just be really socially awkward presented themselves and I was not going to turn around, walk up beside them and say, hi how's your day going. Oh really? Ok bye. It just seems like reason to be flagged by security.

However, i was passing an aisle and there was a woman crouched there. Couldn't see her face but she had nice long black hair so I thought.. fuck it.

"Are you talking to me?" she said turning to look at me, revealing a matronly visage of a mid-40's woman.
"Yep."
"Oh I thought you were talking to your phone. It's hard .. (something about finding the right book)."
"Right.. so many options here, right?" I replied.
She responded something generic.
"Well good luck," I said.
"You have a good day," she replied.

So yeah... 1 out of 6 on the say hi, how's your day going challenge.
Not very fast eh lol?
Guess I'll just have to keep plugging away at it best I can.

 

[Superlife]

Slow going. I'm out and about here and there but still not seeing a lot of options.

One lady in the grocery store. She was leaning over a floor freezer so couldn't see her face but she had nice hair and..

"Hellooo. How's your day going."

Wizened, 60something woman looks up, smiles. Walks away (but not that far.. I wasn't going to pursue her).
I grab a frozen food, look at it, put it back and leave.

One attractive young lady was looking at some juice in a fridge and I could have just sided up beside here but.. no the avoidance reflex kicked in. I realized I could have easily said the "hello how's your day going" and walked away, it was the perfect set up.. ah next time, whenever that perfect layup may be.

Walking in department store. Woman with nice hair gives me big smile as I pass but no she's not for me and by the time I said the phrase she'd be behind me and I'd have to start a conversation (why would I say hello if she's behind me)?

Same store, a young lady - maybe a teenager - was handling some sort of large roll (no no, no metaphor there). I figured well she's probably not that young if she's decorating herself.. she said excuse me as she was moving by and i was like, hey how's the day going?

Pause.

She giggles, "good."
I respond a bit defensively, "good."
There was a lot in how she replied, like some derision and ego boosting. I mean, that's what it sounded like. But who knows. I guess what I need to take away from it is.. try to rein in the defensive reflex, even if my perception is accurate what does it matter. She was behind me by the time she responded and I didn't turn around. Yeah I get I can be wayyyy too touchy. I would like to stop that.

The next one is an example of an even worse reflex.
In another store I see a woman (can't see her face) struggling with two large water bottles and her cart. After she finishes and turns I pop the phrase out and she (who is not a model but average attractive and probably early 20's') touches her hair and responds "oh good, how's your day going?"

Because my subconscious is apparently still living on past time (and possibly some ptsd from my ex who was in her early 20's), I believe I came across like I was mocking her a bit (maybe I actually was and don't want to admit it to myself). I'm like, "Oh I was just watching you have fun there," with a cheeky smile (because I don't know what else to say? I suppose that's also part of it). I'm also turning away from her a bit I think and as she goes she's talking about it was a full body workout getting the bottles sealed..

Yeah. It could be going better..

These encounters were from two different days.

But I also have too many experiences where I'm just not prepared.

Today was one where I was out for a walk in the frozen neighborhood I call home.
I was crossing a street and there was a girl standing just off the corner (I could peripherally see) with a small cute blondish dog. I wasn't looking at her and it's cold enough the idea anyone would want to have a conversation with a stranger. . well I didn't think it likely put it that way and didn't expect it.

As I was making my way I almost slipped backwards on the ice but regained my balance.
She called out something, and taking an earbud out I asked her, what's that?

Looking at her for the first time I see she strongly resembles an early 20ish Natalie Portman (!)

She cheekily but in a friendly way notes my almost fall and I smile, replying about the crazy crazy ice (or something). We chitchat about her dog while I give pets. But failing to come up with anything else after the dog decides to tangle me in it's leash twice I tell her, well cute dog, and she, still smiling as she had been the entire time, thanked me as I walked away.

Aaaaargggh.

I can be pretty good with banter. But when I've spent most of the day alone, as I do most days and was feeling lacklustre at best today .. this was not good timing.

She was just standing there so maybe she lives there and maybe I'll see her again. I mean I want to marry her now (ha ha). But yeah seriously. maybe I'll see her again .. or maybe not (shrugs).

Anyway, 4 out of 6 in the how's your day going challenge. Inch by inch..

 

[Superlife]

I've had some fairly quick jaunts into stores this week but saw no women I found attractive, except for a grocery store clerk. Recited a loyalty card number which she said she found impressive and busted on her (I'm here to make your life more difficult). It was good to flex those cocky funny muscles which have very much atrophied anyway.

Now, a note I wrote up after re listening to a dating coach video today.

Detach from the outcome = enjoy the interaction no matter what happens (I've gone a long time without understanding how to "detach from the outcome". Lots of material never really explained it well).

Also, be self validated. I validate myself, I approve of myself, no matter what happens in any given situation. No shame here.

 

[Superlife]

I'm at 5 out of 6 now in the "how you doing challenge." I don't get out a lot thanks mainly to the fact I have to work two different shifts every week and the toll I believe it's causing on my sleep. But the one time - this was a week ago now - that I managed to score a point in the challenge I happened to be walking by a woman in the parking lot of a coffee place. Wasn't really attracted to her (so maybe this doesn't count) but I had to at least put it out there.

On a side note frustrated with myself today as I failed to push an interaction forward, although granted the circumstances not ideal and perhaps she wouldn't be able to see me anyway given the circumstances.

Very attractive black girl taking my blood lol. Second time in about 3 weeks, and coincidentally by the same chick. I was witty, made a comment to another staffer as we walked by that got laughs and had a nice little chat with my blood girl but.. yeah no.

I probably should have asked her name, introduced myself although she could see my name on my record, and shook her hand. Then after our little convo, "so... I'm free for our date Saturday night. How about you?"

At least I think that would have worked. Open to input if anyone has any.

 

[gameboy]

Keep going!

But asking for a date right off the bat... I mean it might work. If you're really in a rush it might even be the best option. Otherwise, probably better to build a bit of attraction first.

But hey, don't take my advice, I'm not getting laid from day game yet either

 

[Superlife]

Keep going!

But asking for a date right off the bat... I mean it might work. If you're really in a rush it might even be the best option. Otherwise, probably better to build a bit of attraction first.

But hey, don't take my advice, I'm not getting laid from day game yet either!

Unless I have to get bloodwork again soon (which I doubt will be needed, thankfully) the odds of seeing her again are pretty low (its a small place I live in but not that small) so I feel like I needed to pull the trigger quickly.
As I was saying, I think my remarks to other staff helped with the attraction on the way to the exam room, plus my body language I feel gives me a bit of a boost there too.

However I also think, given more thought, I was too...ugh... nice. Needed to bust on her a little or some cocky funny, .but doing in that circumstance in a socially correct way .. pretty hard to do. "so tell me why I'm your best patient ever" might have worked..But it just didn't cross my mind at the time. Busting/cocky funny having trouble getting into that again..

But thanks, always good to have a sounding board!

 

[Superlife]

The payoff I get from not approaching I think is I'm all to keyed into what I believe are IOis. I feel I've been good at getting interest in the past from a lot young hotties but the few I've actually interacted with I'm either not acted or failed to act in way that anything came of it.

So today there was some more of that however I did do another "how you doin".
Drug store, I saddle up beside and few feet from a girl I saw in the front aisle, I circle around from the back. I've been trying to gear up mentally to actually doing the full meal deal and so I went in sort of thinking I might and might not.

She went to leave almost immediately as I stopped.

"How's your day going?"

She turns a bit and gives me a soft smile, eyes twinkling some,

"Good."

And she's gone.

I wait in the aisle a few moments and as I walk outside I see her riding passenger in a suv with a dude I saw in the store. She was walking behind him and for a brief second I thought they were together but then she went down that aisle..

Oh well.

Coffee shop. Girl sidles up beside me. Caught a glance somehow before she did, pretty sure she was attractive. And she was. Had some body language turned into me. But yeah not ready for that yet. Also she was wearing this backpack and could have been college but..

Walked away feeling a bit diminished for some reason. I mean, I don't NEED to hit on every hot chick in confined public quarters right (y'know... when I actually do start pulling the trigger).

Started to read the articles suggested in the next newbie challenge while sitting in a mall food court. No age appropriate chicks present themselves.

Heading out of the mall attractive girl approaches in opposite direction. I'm looking sideways but then look directly at her. She does this cocky smile while looking down at her phone and I'm like yeah hell no. She could have just gotten a text but... anyway. Reading Chase's articles and onto the next challenge.. Unfortunately I can't do these at the pace suggested..

"Genuine interest" .. (shudder).. this is where the shit gets rough.

 

[Superlife]

Well I'm no further ahead in actually getting laid but I think I made an important breakthrough today.

Pretty sure I have CPTSD, and was first afflicted as a child and issues with it are blocking me. in approaching.

Came to this conclusion when I was out today looking for chicks to the compliment portion of the newbie challenge.
There was an attractive young clerk at the coffee shop, she was siding up to the clerk serving me behind the till and leaning over with her low cut blouse. I didn't try to interact.

I moved off and then she came out from the till and stood about 6 feet away while she was checking some creamer containers. My brain was like (...................).

Before I got married and had learned the magic of teasing I had no issues. I mean, it's not that hard. Coulda said something like, "So,.. if you're gonna steal can you be not so obvious about it? What's it like being a cream junkie?"

Now?

I believe I unconsciously managed over the years to avoid triggering CPTSD but my marriage and the difficult years that followed have brought me to a point where my subconscious is trying to keep my nervous system from lighting up like it did when I was married.

I've had one chat with a psychiatrist (more to come of course) and they also think I'm dealing with CPTSD, and I'm reading that once you've had you become more susceptible to getting it in relation to other things (like the break up of a significant relationship).

So now I know. At least my shame over not approaching today was short lived. Now I have a rough road to hoe in cracking this nut.

Yeah great to be attractive. But it's similar to being in a boat in the ocean with no drinking water..