Surveying the Topography

[Conquistador]

Worked on two leads. The first has a boyfriend, but I like her a lot as a friend regardless. The other is a special case; I'm too tired to share the situation because...

I stayed up all night playing a video game. Ugh.

I'm going to deal with assignments. There will be time for dates after finals week. Except for a few international leads. Luckily I have a non-optional business item with my favorite one, so I'll get in state and do my best.

Mission: Dispatch all business items, according to deadline and priority. All other considerations secondary.

Enough is enough. Focus on the goal, not on hypnotic maps and dialog boxes.

 

[Conquistador]

I've made a lot of progress in being open and honest about sex and relationships and not having mental blocks. We'll see what results come out of it.

 

[Conquistador]

Library voices open up a wide range of possibilities. Bonus: they come with plausible deniability.

 

[Conquistador]

Exhausted but it's going well. Focus remains on academics and self-care. Hopefully taking care of that efficiently will generate enough surplus energy, time, and resources to start going places with my game.

 

[Conquistador]

I enjoyed reading your reply to my post to your thread. Can't really elaborate on what else older types offer in addition to mentioned. Hmm... Two things though- while looking for soft porn online earlier today I came across something on Netflix that really spoke to me vis a vis my idea of seeking an experienced companion. I recommend, therefore, you check out the documentary Liberated from 22:00 for about ten minutes-on. There are two scenes with a guy who really reminds me of what I envision the best of the best in seduction modeling when they approach using physical-based game. He has gereat logistics but I doubt he needed them. It's the blond guy, you will know when you see. Another pretty impressive guy is featured in a sandwiched scene, and the flick, if it is not already, should be talked about here adnausium, imo. Everything else- loved your thoughts-- good luck!

I do know two older dudes at college who could be good mentors.
One's a former Ranger, has a mindset I aspire to about life - serious but also adventurous. "Whatever Rio you aren't that cool"
The other is an classic free spirit, did time for drunk driving and stuff when he was younger, now he does shrooms and ceremonies to stay chill, globetrots, flies planes, cliff dives etc. I'm pretty sure he's pansexual at least energy wise; he has some seriously surfer-y vocal tones.

So yeah, definitely these guys can help me on my path to becoming the Complete Man.

 

[Conquistador]

Part of me feels that I'm within days of scoring.
And part of me thinks that I have zero idea what I'm doing. Probably a sign of improved awareness

Anyway...
I think it's time to build an actual social circle instead of making connections once in a while. Although I'd rather not be stuck in one group.

I also need to figure out how to be more sexual without being like all the other losers. I've definitely made some progress.
One issue for me about intent is that I'm fairly picky about actually getting vulnerable and intimate with girls. However, this isn't much of an excuse really, especially as I can just use the Chick Playbook™. I need approach volume for the experience, and getting to know girls is awesome even if I'm not sure I want to tumble. However, I've met a few girls who were "perfect 10s" in my book (though they themselves wouldn't consider themselves as such). And I hardly showed sufficient intent with them.

This coming week will likely bring decisive events, academically and hopefully game wise.

Also, there's a chance I'll be partially moving out in a week or two. Still discussing the offer.

 

[Conquistador]

Ironically, Teev's sex talk verbals are probably a really good fit for me, scaled down and calibrated for daygame and my own laid-back style. Unlike a surprising number of guys, I can actually hold a normal conversation about sex like a mature adult, and look a girl in the eye while doing so.

Going to work on that bit by bit

 

[Conquistador]

Concentrating effort on my biggest weakness: my lack of the thing-that-conquers. That is to say masculine aggression, drive, intent, etc.

Despite my inexperience, I do have what to be confident about. In spades.

I just need to believe it more consciously.

Childhood and teenage experiences have made me reluctant to test the boundaries, socially or sexually. There's a lot more room than I thought.

Time to change that. I don't think I have anything to worry about. Rejection isn't a big deal if you were calibrated. Especially as making moves without the thing-that-conquers is uncalibrated.

Part of me was concerned that growing up more will sabotage my charm. I don't think it will.


Let's go places

 

[Conquistador]

Some thoughts:

-The easiest way to get more woman in my life immediately is to spend more time talking to and hanging out with women, acquaintances, platonic friends, or leads. Got some stuff planned.
-I've been pacing people's realities since I was a child, but I can definitely make better conscious use of the technique.
-While I'm talking to a woman, I need to recognize, understand, and appreciate her sexuality. Intellectually I'm well past Madonna-whore complex, but I need to bring that understanding infield.
-Currently suffering from serious back pain. My sacrum and tailbone need an hour-long massage. I have to be careful when I stand up suddenly. Bit of a problem, both in general and potentially in the bedroom. At least my PC muscle (which attaches to tailbone) seems to be working
-This morning, I was at the main campus bus stop, on five hours of sleep, literally grimacing from said back pain, having to use hands in pockets to keep my pants up (went swimming, forgot to bring belt, and I've lost waistline) and I got approach cues from girls on both sides. I decided to duck because I didn't actually like the look of either one of them, and I was too much of a zombie.
-Physically, I want to work on flexibility a bit, as well as upping exercise in general as I gradually move from weight loss to muscle gain.

 

[Conquistador]

Two things I'm going to do differently at college:
1. Study together with others, in groups or one on one. It helps that I'm pretty strong academically.
2. Move faster, even with with classmates. The excuse of "I'm still figuring this all out" doesn't apply much anymore.

 

[Conquistador]

Two things I'm going to do differently at college:
1. Study together with others, in groups or one on one. It helps that I'm pretty strong academically.
2. Move faster, even with with classmates. The excuse of "I'm still figuring this all out" doesn't apply much anymore.

3. Spend more time in the campus library, especially around midterms and finals.

 

[Conquistador]

Today I met my favorite 2-set for the first time since before the burnout crisis of November. Exchanged socials. Unfortunately they're both leaving tomorrow and the three of us were all somewhat low energy, in addition to multiple other complications. So I didn't make any moves.

By the time they return, if all goes well, I'll be much improved in every way. Then we'll see. But two months is an eternity in the career of Surveyor. Two months ago I was a clueless babe in the woods. (For all I know, I still am.)

Meanwhile, I have a lot of other things going on. But I'll chat virtually with them from time to time about life and love.

When I followed, I found out one of them is a mid-tier (~200k) influencer on TikTok, and has more IG followers than anyone else I know personally (twice as many as my neighbor's groovy massage/yoga/coaching GF). I would never have guessed, but I won't hold it against her. She's pretty genuine and wholesome, as influencers go.

My relative technophobia (especially at the time we first met) probably scored me points in her book.

I would say, however, that my conversation skills on default mode could use work. As do my masculinity and dominance.

 

[Conquistador]

Despite the tempo of infield operations increasing, I have other things I need to give more headspace to. Achieving these will significantly boost my fundamentals and state.

Of course the effort I put into game has noticeable results. And it influences other areas of my life. Usually in a positive way, but not always.

And I actually don't pour that much time into game. It's more like it's just dominating my overall headspace and priorities.

Once the semester is over and I've regenerated organization, sleep, and energy, then I'll be doing much better.

 

[Conquistador]

Concentrating effort on my biggest weakness: my lack of the thing-that-conquers. That is to say masculine aggression, drive, intent, etc.

This can only come from a grounded place. That is to say, I need to get sleep, academics, and other things sorted out, then internal state will be very easy to manage. Massive boosts to awareness, smoothness, physicality, dominance, harder frames, fitness, productivity, morale, and many many other benefits.


So why the hell am I not asleep yet?

In fact, I should probably spend a day or three off the forum entirely and go get things done and meet girls on the way.

 

[Conquistador]

One last thing. I need to raise my overall vibe. It may sound a bit hippie-ish but I'm not currently operating on a very high plane/frequency, energetically speaking.

There are concrete steps I can and will take to improve this. The first is already in progress: running a longer streak than usual. But other steps require more active effort.

...I'll be back.

 

[Conquistador]

The semester ain't over but it looks like things will end quietly. Yet again, an anticipated decisive moment was so anticlimactic, it was less interesting than an average session.

Most likely, however, there'll be a few surprises. Random events often happen multiple times a day (see previous posts).


I'm voluntarily passing up on one of the "best" remaining leads, because I don't feel any real desire to lay specifically her, which I have felt for at least dozen or so ladies this semester. I'm going to stay in touch with her, though. It'll be nice talking to her about lifestyle stuff.


But honestly, I've run myself into the ground. I might not quite be millimeters from a breakdown the way I was around Thanksgiving, but I'm still burned out. I have basically no reserves of anything.
No wonder I'm having a boy vs. Real Man identity crisis. I'm physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. I really can't anymore.


No good will come of trying harder UNTIL I've gotten myself in better shape. But that doesn't mean I'm going to hibernate. Far from it.

I try to keep a decent size luck surface when I go about my business...tends to get me enough chance meetings to keep things interesting. And of course, I approach simply for the sake of conversation. And I'll be building skills.


I think that, once fundamentals and state are regenerated, it'll be glorious.

The calendar of expected events looks really good actually. Things will only get easier from here on out.

Real Men don't chase rainbows. They build their own rainbows, even if it takes a while. And if something is keeping them from being sexual (or creative), they deal with it. They don't keep pushing stubbornly, hoping to plow through because "something will change". They BECOME the change.

Honestly, assuming I can make it through the winter without too much loneliness or ejaculations, I don't mind much. It's not like I don't have a lot of work to do. And I do have a lot more woman in my life than ever before.

But if and when I feel a need that's strong enough to fuel my efforts (ten days of complete desexualization will probably light a fire in my belly), then I'll do what it takes to satisfy myself. Until then, I have some new playmates. We'll see if things get a little naughty or not.


The adventure continues...

 

[Conquistador]

Why I don't spam approach

Tuesday, on campus, walking around, tired and in pretty bad pain, I encounter a trio of random average freshmen, engaged in conversation, who notice me.

Normally I'd just make eye contact and continue walking past, but one of them is wearing this awesome red sweatshirt so I compliment it because that's what I do.

Me: (stops but doesn't fully turn and engage) Nice...hoodie...thing.
(with natural calmness) Sorry, I have trouble with nouns sometimes when I'm tired.
Girl: Thanks!!
Me: (continues on my way to a rendezvous at the bus stop)
One of the other girls: (laughs)


Since this wasn't an approach, this actually gave me a tiny boost to momentum. I was still way too low energy to move things forward after I intercepted my lead, but it's for the best.

 

[Conquistador]

Most likely, however, there'll be a few surprises. Random events often happen multiple times a day (see previous posts).

Within hours, something happened. I held back from escalating because the girl wasn't telling me things. FR/FU coming up when I feel up to it.

I'm voluntarily passing up on one of the "best" remaining leads, because I don't feel any real desire to lay specifically her, which I have felt for at least dozen or so ladies this semester. I'm going to stay in touch with her, though. It'll be nice talking to her about lifestyle stuff.

Actually...I'm not so sure. If I can arrange something, we'll see. I'm also much more confident after ^^.

But honestly, I've run myself into the ground. ... I'm physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. I really can't anymore.

Still the case unfortunately

And of course, I approach simply for the sake of conversation.

I need to make a clearer distinction instead of placing girls in the "undecided" box by default.

I think that, once fundamentals and state are regenerated, it'll be glorious.

Let's hope so.

The calendar of expected events looks really good actually. Things will only get easier from here on out.

Except for the next couple of days

Honestly, assuming I can make it through the winter without too much loneliness or ejaculations, I don't mind much.

Let's be realistic here. I'm still living on the edge.

And I do have a lot more woman in my life than ever before.

Yeah, but only if I actually spend time with them instead of hiding from the world like I want to do.

But if and when I feel a need that's strong enough to fuel my efforts (ten days of complete desexualization will probably light a fire in my belly), then I'll do what it takes to satisfy myself.

Not if I get depressed before I decide to do so.

I'm so close to breaking through overall. So close, and yet so far. When I've dealt with all that, I'll see what I can do with the ladies

 

[Conquistador]

Something in this post made me realize that I have a very serious problem with my game.

Actually, I've noticed many bad habits and flaws in my game during the wave of depressive realism that has been sweeping over me during the past couple of days.

But this one is, um, rather egregious. It completely undermines my on-campus interactions.

It usually goes something like this:

Surveyor, handsome, well-dressed, well-mannered, and otherwise more attractive than he used to think, confidently starts a conversation with a girl, deep dives her, builds rapport, overuses plausibly deniable conversational turn-ons, does slightly dominant and otherwise hot things, makes really interesting and intelligent conversation, etc.

Girl often gets turned on. Usually she doesn't feel comfortable showing it. Not even to Surveyor. For a variety of fairly obvious reasons, including but not limited to ASD, Surveyor not showing intent, the public and broad-daylight nature of the venue (sometimes a bus), etc.

Surveyor then either a) fails to close b) fails to follow up c) fails to make moves d) comes back in zombie mode.

This drives women mad, not wild. Sometimes it's torture, and not the exquisite kind. It's even worse when she thinks I'm out of her league, and I implicitly showed interest because "every human being is valuable" or "she's a female, and chatting with females is fun" or, worst of all, "I need some momentum".

With this realization, I get a new perspective on many significant interactions I've had at college.

Among other epic fails:
-My upcoming FU report. An extreme case but it happened.
-My all-time favorite classmate, a girl whom I later gradually developed deep feelings for, quickly started chasing me blatantly, then put up walls, made plausible excuses to avoid interactions, and then got withdrawn and depressed (obviously not solely because of this, but it can't have helped).
-A textbook case of the above pattern with a Nordic classmate. Per usual practice, I've shared further details only in chat or PMs.
-The aftermath of my spontaneous cuddle on the beach (see above posts).
-After I innocently told a mildly interested classmate that I thought flirting was a recreational activity (see above), she proceeded to string me along.
And countless others. Even if it's just having a nice conversation and then taking my leave when she wishes I'd stay or exchange info.



I have no words. Just...

 

[Conquistador]

I dressed like a PUA today and the results were entertaining and edifying.

I've been losing and misplacing things a bit lately, and I misplaced my shaver. So I have a week's beard for now.

Today I had my last exam, and I wore a "power outfit". I didn't feel like wearing dress clothes, so I wore an improved version of the "slightly gay chick magnet" outfit I mentioned in a previous post.

I literally didn't make any approaches the entire day because I put everything I had into the exam. I still have a few assignments to turn in, and I've been putting them off because of extreme burnout.

Nonetheless, I got IoIs and nonverbal attention in ways that I'm not used to.

I ducked an approach (due to being pretty much unable to engage with the world anymore) on the last leg of the trip back, on the bus with a Japanese girl, probably a tourist, in a very chic outfit. At the same time, a girl in the back was eyeing me, so I made steady eye contact back.

The funniest event was at the end.

I was approaching my parents' place when I merged on a parallel course with a group of three, probably related, ladies. The one in the lead was in her thirties, brown, with that air of confident, low-key womanliness a lot of thirty-something brown ladies have here in LA.

She started making eye contact at a certain distance, which I (to my credit) held. After a bit of this, she gave me a little smirk.

There was nothing to be done, unfortunately, so I just smirked back a little and continued on my way.

Less than 30 seconds later, my mother jogged around the corner