Tips for overcoming the 'spotlight' affect when doing sessions

[Aussiedude]

Hey all,

So I've been implementing Aspiring Stoic's method of approaching which I've found to be working pretty well for me.

My System for Not Feeling Approach Anxiety!

Ye Yeah agreed, dating apps are a great stepping stone to get some fundamentals in place. They're far easier then cold approach and if you're a guy with little experience they're actually quite viable. And then you can give cold approach another crack once you're more comfortable with yourself...

www.skilledseducer.com

However even on days when I decide to not open anybody but stand in talking distance of a girl like I would approach. Quite often I still have this feeling of unease. I feel as if I'm being watched or judged by everybody.

So when I go out with only the intention of getting into talking distance with say ten girls, but not actually opening them. I still feel generally uncomfortable. I read this is called the spotlight affect, where you think everybody is watching or judging you. When in reality nobody is taking any notice of you at all.

Now of course I know this, but I still feel uncomfortable when out in public just with the intention of practicing the first step of cold approach. Which is getting into talking distance with women.

It's annoying because I quite enjoy cold approach overall, it's just these things get in the way unfortunately. Like on good days when I'm feeling pretty anxious free I enjoy the process a lot.

I guess any tips if others might of had this issue but got over it would be great.

Otherwise I'll just keeping going at it until I gradually become more comfortable with going out in public to do this kind of stuff.

 

[bkw]

AA and spotlight effect will always be there, but it can be greatly lessened through desensitization, and eventually it'll be a little niggle you feel before you approach, but you'll do it anyway because you've done it so much it doesn't bother you as much.

The best way to "get there" is to approach a shit ton, especially in instances where you feel the spotlight effect. Do it once, do it twice, do it 10 times, and before you know it you'll be wondering why it used to bother you so much. Good reference experiences are good for this, as you prove to yourselves you did it, you connected well with the girl, and you successfully had a fun and good conversation and the spotlight effect was almost non-existent once you were in that bubble/conversation.

Spotlight effect is just another form of AA in this sense that can only be lessened through proactive exposure. Don't approach because of the spotlight effect and you feed into your paranoia concerning it. Wings/coaches are good for this because they force you to go into these situations, which desensitizes it to you very quickly.

 

[Aussiedude]

AA and spotlight effect will always be there, but it can be greatly lessened through desensitization, and eventually it'll be a little niggle you feel before you approach, but you'll do it anyway because you've done it so much it doesn't bother you as much.

The best way to "get there" is to approach a shit ton, especially in instances where you feel the spotlight effect. Do it once, do it twice, do it 10 times, and before you know it you'll be wondering why it used to bother you so much. Good reference experiences are good for this, as you prove to yourselves you did it, you connected well with the girl, and you successfully had a fun and good conversation and the spotlight effect was almost non-existent once you were in that bubble/conversation.

Spotlight effect is just another form of AA in this sense that can only be lessened through proactive exposure. Don't approach because of the spotlight effect and you feed into your paranoia concerning it. Wings/coaches are good for this because they force you to go into these situations, which desensitizes it to you very quickly.

Good advice thanks.

See when I approach it brings a new set of problems.

So for now this is the plan I'm gong to try. First work on desensitizing myself to the spotlight affect and generally feeling uncomfortable in public.

And then once I feel pretty comfortable most days just getting into talking distance with women, then I'll begin opening.

Because I used to approach, but the combo of AA and spotlight I found was a bit too much. So I feel like cutting one down first will make tackling the second a lot easier.