What happens to guys who just don't get it (results with women)?

[TomInHo]

Y'all are wasting your time

He's not ready for real change so let him be. When he's frustrated enough, he'll do the work necessary to improve or resort to hiring hookers. Anything you say now will not work because he's just not there yet

Real change begins from within, so you can only help people that are ready to get helped

"A proud young man came to Socrates asking for wisdom

He walked up to him and said, “O great Socrates, I come to you for wisdom.” Socrates, recognizing a pompous fool when he saw one, led him down to the sea and took him chest deep into the water

Then he asked him, “What did you say you wanted?” , “Wisdom, O great Socrates,” said the young man.

Socrates put his strong hands on the man’s shoulders and pushed him under

Thirty seconds later Socrates let him up. “What do you want?” he asked again. “Wisdom,” the young man sputtered, “O great and wise Socrates.”

Socrates pushed him under again. Thirty seconds, thirty-five, forty – then Socrates let him up. The man was gasping. “What do you want, young man?”

Between heavy breaths the fellow wheezed, “Wisdom! O wise and wonderful…” Socrates jammed him under again – forty seconds passed then fifty – then he let him up.

“What do you want?” Socrates asked

“Air!” the young man yelled. “I need air!”

“When you want wisdom as much as you have just wanted air, then you will begin to find wisdom.”

 

[raiden]

Y'all are saying that I just don't want it enough and maybe I don't. But my counter argument is that the majority of guys I know or see have girlfriends and haven't, I believe taken over 100 rejections in life. Count for example, the proportion of people who have done more than one approach and compare with the proportion who have had a girlfriend. Only a minority of guys are tough and dedicated enough to stick it through after 100 rejections (maybe many of them are on here) but it's not just a minority of guys who have girlfriends. So already by this argument we can conclude that I'm at least a slightly special case (especially bad).

The 20 first dates is in the past year. In life it's over 70 at this point. I've had at least 2 years of 20 dates, one year of 10 and my past year of 20. Total lifetime approaches is still around 40 so that's where I need to work, I guess. But I don't see how the future approaches will be any different. I guess I have to shut up and do them anyway.

@StrayDog I actually didn't schedule any more dates since that second screw up. The only game I've done since then is approaching with the coach and I don't think that I'd field report that because it's with a coach. The woman with whom I had a good date had to leave town. That screw up a week or two after where I ran the same date with a different woman and it went badly was the last online date that I scheduled.

I'd still be interested to find out what makes me exceptionally bad. But that's probably not important. I'm going to start with the hippie feel good nonsense that Chase mentioned. The test of something is that it works when one doesn't expect or believe it to. It worked for Chase when he thought that and so I need to try it.

 

[Will_V]

But then it's a chicken and egg problem. I don't like being me because I'm incel. I'm incel because I can't get women because I don't like being me. But there surely is some way out of this because I'm surely not the first one to have been in this situation.

It is a chicken and egg problem only if your entire self worth comes from whether you are an incel or not. Don't you have other ways to value yourself? Don't you have other capabilities, achievements, sources of meaning?

Having abundant sex is like eating cake. It tastes great but it ultimately it is nothing more than a reward, a reward for living your life as a man sufficiently well. If you start to look at the cake as the objective, the orbital point of your life and the source of your meaning, you will not only lose the cake but your own identity as well. Perhaps if you work at seduction hard enough to become exceptional, then it can become a stable identity, but obviously you are far from that right now. What you want is to get laid, and the problem is that even if you did happen to get laid, your neediness based on the anchoring of your identity to women would quickly send you back to square 1.

As I've said before, I was a virgin until 19. Does that mean I hated myself? On the contrary, I invested and worked hard on myself - socializing, doing sports, studying and working, having adventures, developing myself through all the difficulties that came my way. If I had been a virgin 10 years longer I would have been exactly the same, except far more developed and exceptional. And when I got laid, it was the intensity of my self confidence, my unbreakable fighting spirit, that made her drive me back to her place and bend over for me, to try and nurture me into the man she knew I could become if given an opportunity.

You don't seem to understand what a woman sees when she looks at a man whose identity is shattered. She sees someone to whom she cannot submit without exposing herself to all pain, chaos, and confusion of his own life, on whom the riches of her nurturing femininity are likely to be spent in vain. What he is, is what she will be able to support herself emotionally with when she has no strength. If he is going down, he will surely take her with him, and that is why she avoids even talking to him lest he convince her somehow to put herself at that kind of risk.

So if you have any regard for yourself (or women) fix this, if only to give yourself a stable identity on which to rest your own life.

Edit : also isn't your question misguided? We could use the content of this article to argue that it's totally unimportant whether the seducer likes being himself or not.

She Doesn't Even Need to Know Your Name

About 3 ½ years ago in Washington, D.C., I was getting frustrated because I was finding this consistent pattern of how I’d be telling girls all these amazing, fascinating things about myself, and they’d act bored or unimpressed and things would go nowhere and I’d lose them.

www.girlschase.com

This just goes to show how little you understand of a womans perspective or the realities of the various kinds of people there are out there. A woman is an intuitive creature, she reads a man using the way he makes her feel as a guide. If he can make her feel great, she judges him as a successful man (or at least one with the potential to be successful), because her emotions respond to the markers of male success - confidence, charisma, social ability, dominance, calibrated persistence, emotional and physical self-control - and she knows that a man who is truly miserable cannot do these things.

Now a man might be a 'loser', with no money or status, but if he shows exceptional markers of success, she may well be interested enough to try to nurture him into something, or at least enjoy to the fullest the pleasure that he brings to her female instincts. Because in fact she is not wrong - a man who has the traits I listed above DOES have huge potential - far beyond the average docile man who goes about his day doing the bidding of society and blending into it, who make up the large majority of men - regardless of where he is at right now. He may also be disfunctional in some way, which is sometimes the case, but women are nature's agents and nature is interested far more in opportunity than security.

Do you come across as a man with exceptional potential? Do you have those traits in spades? Perhaps it is because you have neglected yourself and your identity, trying to find an easy way out of your predicament where you can continue to be miserable while somehow getting laid, rather than crafting and honing yourself into a man whose mere presence is powerful and positive enough for a woman to want to rest herself on.

 

[Gladiator]

You are putting a ton of effort into something that is getting you NO results. You are a badass for doing what most won’t do… put in the work!

How do you think your life would change if you switched all this effort to building a business and an interesting social life instead? I guarantee that if you can find higher levels of success and then try to talk to women, you will have more success.

Forget women for a while.

Bro @raiden I don't want to sound like a broken record saying the same thing which a lot of people have already said but @Warped Mindless 's advice is what you need imo.

You have tied your self-image and self-worth to women and unless you break out of that and create a different image of yourself in your mind, you'll indeed end up in a egg and chicken situation.

If I met you in person and asked you "how's life?", you'd probably say "No women. No Life". That needs to change to anything other than women. Starting a business may not get you more money but it'll build a new identity for yourself. You'll have a lot of other things to think about and focus your attention on. An idle mind is a devil's workshop.

If you don't want to start business, change your job, home, city or country, start a new hobby, learn something new etc but do something or anything other than chasing tail. You'll exude that energy and women can sense it. Believe me. Most of us here have been in your place before and you don't want to reinvent the wheel, take anybody's advice here and do that instead of doing what you've been doing so far. Good luck my man.

 

[SteelbookCollector]

I had trouble for years because I did not recognize the "make love" signals, and later the "marry me signals". Lost my virginity at 33, when my date told me she would throw me out if I did not fuck her.

As for Autism, my best friend's son is autistic, and has a hot girlfriend (who is austistic).

how do you feel about not having had sex until 33?

Unfortuneately, cases like that are not unusual for guys, men, on the spectrum, with autism. Its not unusual, not unheard of for lots of men like that to either never have girlfriends or not have girlfriends until later than normal, yes i know normal is social construct. But i believe that means people who have not dated, not been in a sexual relationship by the time they have reached their later 20s, 30.

I also think lots of men feel that autism is a death sentence for being forever single, celibate.