Yeah I agree with it mostly being non verbal. I think my problem isI’m trying to do everything too big to get her attention. And I don’t mean only exaggerated gestures or talking too fast, but even when I am smiling I seem too happy, and when I talk seductively it comes off too slick. I recorded my voice few days ago emulating how I talk when I try to be more grounded and it felt so slow and sensual that was totally out of tune with daygame, like I was being extremely seductive in bedroom mood and with a cheeky grin the moment I started to talk.
I feel that by being normally relaxed open and social, girls will just not pay attention, and will keep doing what they are doing as more exciting. I probably don’t embody these states well enough though.
Yes ok I understand that. At least theoretically, not sure how to control it exactly in the moment, sometimes changing states like that seems difficult.
It could be that I am also afraid I’ll go from friendly to sexual vibe too strongly, I think I sometimes get a predatory look when I go that route, I suppose I should learn to express all these things more subtly and not just : friendly and funny or interested and sexual.
I am pretty sure it’s about the body state as well, there are days that if I feel tired or lack sleep that I can simply not access my sexual state on command no matter how much I focus on the woman and enjoy her.
It sounds like your expression is very much tied to what you think you should express, or how you feel about the idea of expressing something, rather than simply expressing it. This is a form of emotional suppression.
I suggest meditation, for this reason: when you are very relaxed, when you slow down your mind and become present, you can express and show a whole range of different emotions in a calm, attractive way. Because then, rather than circling around in the depths of your subconscious, waiting for some kind of outlet, those emotions exist more or less tranquilly in your mind and on your face.
When a person feels like they have to make 'big' expressions of emotion to have an effect socially, the problem is actually within their own experience - they do not experience their own emotions until they get beyond a certain intensity, and in failing to experience their own emotions, they fail to embody them. This is because the first quarter of their emotional tank is filled with repressed negative emotion that comes out as anxiety, so for anything to rise above that, it has to reach a certain threshold of energy.
Think of it like this: you and I are talking on walkie-talkies, but the reception is very bad. When you push the talk button, I hear a lot of static and white noise, and I can't make out what you're saying. So you have to shout until the volume of your voice has enough force to overcome the static.
But if the reception is crystal clear, you could speak with the faintest whisper, and I can hear it easily.
Emotional static is repressed emotion and anxiety. The more you clear that out, the softer you can speak, and the more gentle can be your movements and gestures, without losing the power of your communication.
