Are we retarded for doing cold approach?

[donjuan77]

I think some people like suffering. I've noticed some people have convinced themselves that daygame has to be this gruelling journey of massive rejection. And they all have in common that they are neo-direct disciples.

Neo-Direct Game, Simping, & Women's High Standards

Guys who try ‘gaming’ women with this new-style “neo-direct” game aren’t gaming girls. They’re simping IRL. Which explains the harsh rejections neo-direct gamers get. Note: I will be criticizing super-direct (neo-direct) game in this post. However, I want to emphasize that I am not attacking...

www.girlschase.com

Anything that makes daygame easier "isn't real game, and doesn't make you grow as much as a man bla bla". It's almost like they have their identities tied into suffering. It's ironic since this place is anti redpill, but a lot of the people here subscribe to the redpill approach of "to be a man, you must suffer and hit on girls, and suffer massive rejection and endure pain to one day be worthy of getting good responses".

@Marty must be a psychopath, delusional or he's lying to himself if he's not feeling any sort of psychological pain in day game, at any point.

Suffering isn't the point of pick up. Getting pussy(or finding love) is. But pain causes suffering and pain is something you will experience in pick up. No way around it. In fact, it doesn't matter what method you use(online, speed dating, cold approach, social, etc), the search for pussy(or love) hurts. It may not hurt always, but it will hurt at one point or another.

If you think otherwise, you're full of shit or you don't know shit.

 

[gameboy]

@Marty must be a psychopath, delusional or he's lying to himself if he's not feeling any sort of psychological pain in day game, at any point.

...

If you think otherwise, you're full of shit or you don't know shit.

I don't feel pain approaching either. I feel pain if I don't approach.

It's time to ban the troll, it's now completely obvious that he's not hear to help or learn.

 

[Chase]

I don't feel pain approaching either. I feel pain if I don't approach.

It's time to ban the troll, it's now completely obvious that he's not hear to help or learn.

Done.

 

[Chase]

@Marty,

I thought auto-rejection was a female behavior, at least, as it has been discussed on the website which this forum accompanies for the past 15+ years. I’m struggling to figure out what you mean.

Men can auto-reject too. @Hector Papi Castillo has an article on it:

Stop Auto-Rejecting Girls Who Like You

“You wannafourfour?” Around a year and a half ago, this Tinder message buzzes my phone as I drive back to school. I’m returning from a trial shift at a club I hope to work at for the upcoming summer. Despite my good mood, however, I’m confused. What the hell is “fourfour”? The girl messaging me...

www.girlschase.com

Auto-rejection just means "self-reject" -- it is to assume the rejection before any actual rejection occurs.

If women find you too unattainable, they will auto-reject you.

However, if a man finds a woman too unattainable, he may auto-reject her too.

When you hear a guy say, "I don't like too-hot girls. In my experience they're all bitches," that is auto-rejection, for instance.

Chase

 

[James D]

Hello James D, I fully agree with the other sentiments you express in your above posts; but what do you mean by “pain”? I’ve done a moderate amount (200-300) of cold approaching, mostly in daytime, and I agree that it requires practice, skill acquisition, intelligent work, the application of theory to practice, and a lot of other difficult tasks, sometimes including overcoming inertia as has been discussed elsewhere; but I haven‘t noticed “pain” even in a psychological or figurative sense.

Of course, maybe you mean it as a metaphor for all the above, in which case I take back my question.

@Marty

Same here, brother.

I've never seen cold approach as painful. OP appeared to have a different opinion and seemed to think that the merits of cold approach don't justify the pain.

Maybe he's had girls slap him or call the police or something. Not sure why he views it so negatively.

If I were to venture a guess, he dreads what most men dread when cold approaching:

Rejection.

Here's the thing though:

Rejections rarely suck as much as we think they will.

It's the fear of rejection that holds us back rather than the actual pain of the rejection itself.

Haven't followed this thread and not sure where OP is on his stance now but hope he doesn't turn away from one of the most life rewarding skills out ever.

EDIT: I see he's been banned.

 

[Marty]

Sorry, I meant eject, not auto-reject:

Why You Eject from Talking to Girls Too Soon (Plus How to Stop)

A lot of guys bail out of their interactions with women too soon. How do you stop ejecting from women, and start winning with them? The worst thing to come out of most guys' mouths when dealing with women is: "Well, it was nice to meet you." This is the classic bail out ejection line of the...

www.girlschase.com

Ah, that makes perfect sense, and yes, I've read the article you linked here. It's very good.

I found @StrayDog 's lawnmower analogy very useful in avoiding early ejection. See if it helps you too.

One thing I still don't understand, however, @bgwh , is why you eject specifically when the girl is "gushing" (and I am assuming that you are using "gushing" in a figurative sense to describe her conversational enthusiasm, and not referring to the "crossed legs" claim made rather dubiously by a member above). Surely if the conversation is going well, it's easier to keep it up. I fully sympathize with your struggle when it's all stop-and-start and awkward silences, though, or small talk with no particular direction.

I think some people like suffering.

Maybe they have masochistic tendencies and need a particular sort of woman to make them happy

And they all have in common that they are neo-direct disciples.

Neo-Direct Game, Simping, & Women's High Standards

Guys who try ‘gaming’ women with this new-style “neo-direct” game aren’t gaming girls. They’re simping IRL. Which explains the harsh rejections neo-direct gamers get. Note: I will be criticizing super-direct (neo-direct) game in this post. However, I want to emphasize that I am not attacking...

www.girlschase.com

Haha they are calling it "neo-direct" now? I was simping IRL, as written in that snippet you posted, long before there was anything "neo" about it See this FR for a cringeworthy but humorous example.

Men can auto-reject too. @Hector Papi Castillo has an article on it:

Stop Auto-Rejecting Girls Who Like You

“You wannafourfour?” Around a year and a half ago, this Tinder message buzzes my phone as I drive back to school. I’m returning from a trial shift at a club I hope to work at for the upcoming summer. Despite my good mood, however, I’m confused. What the hell is “fourfour”? The girl messaging me...

www.girlschase.com

Auto-rejection just means "self-reject" -- it is to assume the rejection before any actual rejection occurs.

Thank you for the clarification, Chase, and thanks for linking to that article; it looks very interesting.

If I were to venture a guess, he dreads what most men dread when cold approaching:

Rejection.

Here's the thing though:

Rejections rarely suck as much as we think they will.

Yes, quite true, a little sheepishness at most

It's the fear of rejection that holds us back rather than the actual pain of the rejection itself.

@gameboy makes a similar point:

I feel pain if I don't approach.

There is a fleeting sense of regret at an opportunity missed, I agree. Getting a phone number but receiving no reply to a couple of texts feels much better to me than if I hadn't asked or even said hello in the first place.

 

[bgwh]

Ah, that makes perfect sense, and yes, I've read the article you linked here. It's very good.

I found @StrayDog 's lawnmower analogy very useful in avoiding early ejection. See if it helps you too.

Why are you asking a question already answered and I said I don't want to analyze and get all in my head. Loving my state, just keep approaching, not analyze stuff on a forum. Keep your lawn mover analogies.

I don't want to analyze it. I think just taking action does more to improve it than analyzing it. My interactions with the highly interested sets are getting longer and longer. What I did notice is that it's related to the novelty. If it's the first time I approach a 2-set, it's going to be short, my second time approaching a 2-set will be a longer set, etc. My first grocery set was the shortest (quickest eject), second grocery set was longer etc. Solution: just keep taking action, no need to analyze.

I agree with the gurus who say beating AA (or in my case ejection) is just about having seen everything. Novelty causes anxiety, anything that's "been there, done that" is the opposite.

I am better in every next one of these. With the last one I stayed in longest, and got her contact, we arranged stuff after she's back in town. I didn't need to read analogies, she just happened to be the third similar set.

One thing I still don't understand, however, @bgwh , is why you eject specifically when the girl is "gushing" (and I am assuming that you are using "gushing" in a figurative sense to describe her conversational enthusiasm, and not referring to the "crossed legs" claim made rather dubiously by a member above). Surely if the conversation is going well, it's easier to keep it up. I fully sympathize with your struggle when it's all stop-and-start and awkward silences, though, or small talk with no particular direction.

When something is novel to you and it happens for the first time (it's context specific), and it almost "feels too good to be true" in the moment, you freak out and eject. Again, due to negative brainwashing, I thought it would take 1000 approaches to get to the point where a hottie is giving me massive direct IOIs in the middle of the street or a grocery store. I wasn't mentally ready.

What STRUGGLE do you speak of? Why are you projecting all this complexity and negativity on me? Please it keep it to yourself. I love my state and beliefs. I don't want to make them negative. Posts like these are why I stated I should probably avoid parts of this forum and stick to journaling.

Stop Auto-Rejecting Girls Who Like You

“You wannafourfour?” Around a year and a half ago, this Tinder message buzzes my phone as I drive back to school. I’m returning from a trial shift at a club I hope to work at for the upcoming summer. Despite my good mood, however, I’m confused. What the hell is “fourfour”? The girl messaging me...

www.girlschase.com

Hector already explained and gave examples of his own. As I was reading hector explain the one where he thought she was trolling him by being so obvious and directly throwing herself at him. Or that she'll make screenshots to send to her friends. It's not possible she could be this directly offering up pussy. It can feel like a hidden camera first time it happens.

Again, this entire conversation is effing pointless. What "struggle" do you speak of? There is no struggle. It only happens when you're not ready (very novel context/situation), you come back home, make a note, and it goes much better the second time in similar context. Every next set is longer, and you take it further. No need to sit on a forum, analyze, and study analogies.

I just clicked ignore on you Marty, glad the forum has this option.

P.S

For all the guys who got butthurt about me using the term "gushing". The term literally means a level of excitement that seems not-believable or insincere. Or as Hector explains, when you're auto-rejecting, you literally get this mind that it can't be real, no way a stunner is showing that much interest in you, and she's making fun of you, she can't possibly be that forward or excited, it must be insincere in that way, doesn't seem believable.

 

[DarkKnight]

I want to add something to this post without reading through everything.

I just saved a girl from autorejecting by sending her a risky text, which I would not have dared to do with a lot of social circles. And this, despite that I am in fact a guy who experiences a lot of social freedom and I believe I am very well calibrated and know how to fly just under the radar.

Cold approach gives you much more freedom because my main gripe with social circle, is that reputation management is a real thing and errors can spill over real fast. Yes you can minimize it with calibration but it can also cause bad consequences with very material results.

Also when current social networks fail you, it is very easy when you get good at this to build new social networks with some really solid hot babes. It is like running circles around average Joe or gymcells or whatever. Another thing is when girls use jealousy plots against you because social circles can benefit them, you can reverse their shenenigans by introducing new girls that you have met, I even did this back at university when I was a kid and much less refined. I recall how some older guys were trying to suck up to me, to gain access to my girls lol.

Cold approach is freedom. But it is fucking hard and you will make mistakes.

 

[Marty]

When I first started doing cold approach there were some nights where I simply couldn't miss, and other nights where I couldn't buy a vowel. Those can't miss nights, I'd venue hop from one bar to another and the girls would all be staring, opening me, receptive from the beginning, touching, and giving deep stares. It's somewhat similar to what you're describing. During those states you can basically pick them up in like 5 to 10 minutes and fuck them on the parking lot. Pua doesn't teach you how to do this though.

Yes it does, at least this site teaches you how to look for escalation windows and how to move fast and jump through them quickly.

Other nights I'd go out and I couldn't catch a break, I'd run into the same girls and they'd loom at me like I was wearing a crown of shit. No amount of game is fixing that. Figuring out the difference was what changed my outlook on everything, especially pua.

Okay, so can you elaborate? What was the difference you discovered?

In your case, pua and cold approach are 100% doable, if not better than any other method. It's very rare for guys to get there and you don't know it because you just showed up at the scene near the top. Are friend Don Juan isn't there, and like other guys of his rank, it doesn't matter how much pickup content he burns through, he's not getting there unless he figures things out on his own

How can one “figure things out” without doing a lot of practice and, where relevant, backing it up with the excellent material from this site and parts of the forum? Surely that is the most reliable method of “figuring things out”?

The above and all this talk of “xyz activity” (wtf is that?) on this thread gives me the impression of a lot of “hush-hush” and “things better left unsaid“, which is very atypical for this forum, which is usually all about bringing enlightenment and clarity.