Cultivating the X Factor

[Beam]

Got approached and number closed by a pair of girls again wtf. Second time in a couple of months. Girls seem to get the courage to approach in pairs apparently. Happened an hour ago going out after work to DG.

Number closed a fashionable American girl after taking my own advice and moving away from the busy area into a quiet street. Solid interaction but not enough flirtation on my part. Number still seems solid though so we'll see where this goes

Will go into more detail when I have time to sit down

Details:

Number close (HBAmerican)
Solid. 5-8 minutes all up.
Found out where she worked, didn't really find out what she enjoyed, found out she was from the US.
One qualifier on open - on style (she was fashionable). Another mid way through (I like that you seem to have guts, moving to a new country not knowing anyone etc etc)
Didn't share that much about myself, mainly job but nothing else. Did convey some aspects of my personality through this, such as me liking to go into the office for socialization but also needing my alone time.
Push Pull - Not enough. Was looking for opportunities but didn't break rapport. At the end she started coughing and apologizing for it, I faked getting out of there with a smile so I "wouldn't get infected" but she knew I was playing.
No we frames. Was working furiously to work on in there but struggled. Did suggest the date and framed it as us exploring so sort of hit.
Physical proximity - fairly close but wasn't much touching.
No chase frames.
Light flirtation when I teased her on how she seduced potential clients by putting on her sexy voice (she was in sales) to which she responded "Maybe I'm doing that right now"
Single cheek kiss goodbye.
Bit nervous throughout, fumbled over my words and talked too quickly at points.

I sent the icebreaker a bit late as I went to catch up with friends immediately after, but no response so far (it hasn't been long). Have a funny follow up based on our convo if she doesn't respond as backup.

Getting approached
Walked past two girls. Heard them giggling, they opened from behind asking for gift ideas for a baptism. One on the left was a cute black girl with a slight foreign accent. One on the right was indian, couldn't tell if she was cute since she had a mask on. Back and forth, me giving them the most ridiculous ideas for gifts. No flirtation, made them both laugh a lot. They were mainly asking me questions, where I was from etc etc. I asked them back. One on the left asked if I wanted to grab a coffee and I said sure. But I'm not sure if both will be there or just her. She just texted me now. Going to text back and set something up.

Two more
Approached two others -

One didn't even stop and told me she had to go. This was in the main busy street with everyone around. I got really paranoid that everyone had just seen this and so headed straight for a quiet side street which is where I ran into HBAmerican. It's a valid concern - going to the same busy street at the exact same time after work, I will start getting recognized especially running after the girls like I have been doing. Not exactly under the radar.

Second was soon after HBAmerican. My heart wasn't that into it since she looked like a child up close. Not literally but just young enough that I didn't really feel much attraction. Voice faltered. She rolled her eyes and gave a scowl before walking away. Lol

Takeaways:
"Hey" on opener getting locked in. Golden question locked in (where she's going).
Next single thing to focus on which I did with HBAmerican- "Why". Asking why. Why why why. Why did she move here? Why did she go into that major? Finding her motivations, eliciting values.
I'm just focusing on working on integrating one thing at a time now. Once that's locked in, move to the next thing, and the next. Until I can run the interactions and hit all points with consistency.

I may need to change up my icebreaker depending on the girl. For some reason I feel like the standard icebreaker won't work too well with HBAmerican. Shouldn't have used at exclamation mark, think it came across too eager. We'll see if she responds or not.

 

[Beam]

The fundamentals upgrade is definitely paying off. Noticing blatant stares a lot more from moderately attractive women during the day (but a lie I keep telling myself is "not hot enough to approach". But really if we were having sex it would feel really fucking good. And my dick is dryer than the sahara desert right now anyway. My ego is getting in the way. I'm telling myself "She wants me, I could have sex with her if I wanted". But really I don't fucking know that unless I go talk to her.

For those curious on what I've been doing - I've moved away from the strict bodyweight routine I was in and have started hitting the weights hard again, with emphasis on chest flys, "shopping bag" lifts with dumbbells (as shown in one of Jeff Cavalieres vids", legs. These are the same exercises I focused on in 2021 when my fundamentals were at a similar level. Still doing bodyweight work as I'm making progress towards the handstand continually (I can chill upside down for quite a while now). Have not been buying meals, but cooking chicken and rice with way more veggies than usual, while eating way more fruits.

Didn't approach much on the weekend - both Friday and Saturday had friends birthdays.

The one on Friday night we went out - my female friends were complementing me. "You look really jacked" from one of the shyest ones. One with a boyfriend was acting a bit strange and put her hand under my jacket while we were dancing. She was a bit drunk though. Guys were coming up to dance - one shook my hand, said something I couldn't hear and then after that I noticed him just standing there staring at me, at times chatting to his mate while staring. Was weird. I assume he was gay. Maybe was discussing pickup tactics with his mate lol. He was a good looking dude so I guess I'll take that as a compliment. Noticed a lot of girls coming closer to dance, but the ones I really wanted who I opened were still closed off, as always, This was only like twice, mainly was just dancing with friends.

Saturday night again, plenty of stares including from a few I wouldn't have minded talking to. What I find in general is even if I get stares, if I go to open a group (they're usually in groups with lots of girls) I generally get blank stares. Again, looking for reactions when I shouldn't be. Found it hard to navigate the party - I only knew a couple of people. If I'm at a party and I know a few people, I tend to stick to them. I wonder how to work the room in an attractive way without coming across as the social party guy, but rather the attractive intriguing guy

HBAmerican
Is replying to my texts. Tried to get her out Sunday to no avail (she was extremely run down and seems genuine about it).
Texting her has been boring. I've tried to spruce things up a bit. Tease her, bait with some topics on my interests, but she doesn't acknowledge it or take the bait and just reverts to boring "How was your day?" "What are you getting up to today" etc etc. Yawn. Going to still try to set something up for this weekend anyway because why not.

The two girls who opened me -
In short, seem too conservative for my liking. Didn't really respond to my teases, were a bit religious (one was going to this religious event and the other asked if I wanted to go with her since she couldn't). I straight up called her and asked if she thought it was going to be a date. "No!".

I don't know what's up with them but yeah, not interested in pursuing anything further with them.

General thoughts:
Still approaching many without the mindset of "I am evaluating her" and it's coming across obvious to the girls.

I'm in a weird position where I naturally have standards for a girls personality (case in point my views on the the two girls and HBAmerican" which would be perfect for approaching. But at the same time it's like, it doesn't matter what they say, I'll still try to have sex with them because sex is scarce for me right now. Which is the opposite for having standards.

I need to tap into that side of me that has those standards, convincing the girl that she won me over even though she pretty much won me over already cause of her looks. It's not easy.

I'm still approaching without a clear plan in mind it seems. Yeah I want to hit those points to find out more about her, but I don't feel in control of the interactions. From start to finish, it doesn't feel like I am leading her, right from the open, somewhere which is conducive for us both ending up together. The interactions feel a bit haphazard. This is ok for when the girls are already attracted to me, but it sure as hell isn't working for the hotter, younger yellows.

 

[Beam]

Why the $%$&* do I care about what other people think so much? Passed up approaching a mega hottie just outside my house because there were a bunch of people behind her and have been beating myself up about it ever since. This is bs. It's inconsistent though. Sometimes I don't care and do it (like with HBAmerican) other times I don't. It's dependent on how I'm feeling inside. Sometimes I feel like the fucking man and don't care, most of the time now it seems like I'm in this loser state and won't pull the trigger. Direct street stops are some of the highest pressure situations out there, but still, I've done hundreds so it should be automatic. I guess it's not though and there's always a reason.

Going back to thinking of this like a sport, I am going to take more time to plan what I am going to do in advance, and develop a pre-game ritual (an affirmation that I can read to myself before leaving the house/car). This affirmation will have reminders of the mindsets to tap into (such as being the evaluator) and reminders of body language (chest up, chin up etc).

 

[climbingup]

Hey man, I'm a complete beginner so this may not apply to you. Have you tried meditating and eating a heavy green diet? It really helps to stabilise my mood during the day. Just a small thing that helped me in my life

 

[Beam]

Hey man, I'm a complete beginner so this may not apply to you. Have you tried meditating and eating a heavy green diet? It really helps to stabilise my mood during the day. Just a small thing that helped me in my life

Yo. I've been eating a lot more greens lately but don't meditate as much as I should. A habit I've struggled to get into but definitely something that would benefit me.

 

[Beam]

Created a rough affirmation yesterday. It's long and definitely could use some refinement but it goes something like this:

I am unashamed of my attraction to sexy women. Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks.
I am the most attractive man in this city. Beautiful women are dying to meet a man like me.
Every girl I talk to, I have chosen her. I am the approver. She is weird if she doesn't stop to talk. I am giving her an opportunity to make her life 100x better by being with me. I hope she's cool and doesn't blow it. If she doesn't want to talk, I guess she isn't as cool as I thought. Shame.
Women get attracted to men they don't initially notice all the time. No matter who she is, her heart can be won too. If she knew me, she would love me.
There are infinite women and infinite time. This is your playground.

After leaving house/car
Chin up, Chest Up. Deeply relaxed. Smile. Tuned in. A wolf among sheep.
Playful, positive, mysterious, sexy

 

[Beam]

Ok, have been off track the last two weeks a bit. Went snowboarding again and had someone else I know pass away tragically from being hit by a car at 30. I wasn't as close to him as my friend who passed away last year but still, had seen him the week before it happened at one of my friends birthdays. That's three people I've known around my age who have passed away in the last 2 years from car accidents. Really puts it in perspective that nothing in this life is guaranteed, that you have to do the best you can with the time you are given and hopefully leave the world and others who share the world with you in a better state after passing away.

Mentally, have been going back and forth from winner and loser mentality. Loser mentality (I don't have the work ethic. Need to put too much effort in for chicks, would rather do other shit). Winner mentality (I'm more than capable. I've done it before. I was one of the few people who actually completed the 4 approach a day challenge for 30 days, most people give up. I do have the work ethic). That being said, I'm still grappling with the amount of time I have to put in for this when I want to be doing other things also. Before, my mind wasn't as stretched. By other things I am again referring to piano, exercise (improving, not just maintenance), and improving my financial situation.

To break me out of the loser mindset (which struck today) went to supermarket after gym (I didn't want to, just wanted to go home) and told myself I'm not leaving until I've talked to at least one chick. Approached a super hottie, she was very friendly and flattered but had a partner (she casually mentioned moving here with him). On the way out, locked eyes with a beautiful woman who gave me the most incredible smile. I opened her about it. Again, flattered. She told me she loved that I did it but apologetically told me she had a boyfriend. She also complimented my energy after I had mentioned hers.

HBAmerican
Weird situation. Went for drinks with her last week. I couldn't sense much physical attraction, not many responses to my flirting, then a couple hours in (despite me trying to get her home) she invited me to do coke with two of her friends (both dudes). I told her I wanted to get to know her more, but after a bit of back and forth agreed (based on what had happened so far, I knew it wasn't going to be a first night lay, and felt this might have been a better strategic move to ingrain myself in her life a bit more). They were also close by. So I went, stayed for a bit then left (needed to get upearly for the snow the next day). At the end, I went for the kiss as it felt natural. She deflected. "I don't kiss on the first date". WTF. I held her close, tried dirty talking in her ear. She told me it was difficult to resist but wouldn't budge. Then jumped up into my arms with her legs wrapped around mine. I left for the uber. We're still texting, she's still keen to meet up again. I lost a bit of interest after what happened but fuck it, it's still my only decent lead so far. I really don't care if it doesn't pan out though.

 

[Skills]

Ok, have been off track the last two weeks a bit. Went snowboarding again and had someone else I know pass away tragically from being hit by a car at 30. I wasn't as close to him as my friend who passed away last year but still, had seen him the week before it happened at one of my friends birthdays. That's three people I've known around my age who have passed away in the last 2 years from car accidents. Really puts it in perspective that nothing in this life is guaranteed, that you have to do the best you can with the time you are given and hopefully leave the world and others who share the world with you in a better state after passing away.

Mentally, have been going back and forth from winner and loser mentality. Loser mentality (I don't have the work ethic. Need to put too much effort in for chicks, would rather do other shit). Winner mentality (I'm more than capable. I've done it before. I was one of the few people who actually completed the 4 approach a day challenge for 30 days, most people give up. I do have the work ethic). That being said, I'm still grappling with the amount of time I have to put in for this when I want to be doing other things also. Before, my mind wasn't as stretched. By other things I am again referring to piano, exercise (improving, not just maintenance), and improving my financial situation.

To break me out of the loser mindset (which struck today) went to supermarket after gym (I didn't want to, just wanted to go home) and told myself I'm not leaving until I've talked to at least one chick. Approached a super hottie, she was very friendly and flattered but had a partner (she casually mentioned moving here with him). On the way out, locked eyes with a beautiful woman who gave me the most incredible smile. I opened her about it. Again, flattered. She told me she loved that I did it but apologetically told me she had a boyfriend. She also complimented my energy after I had mentioned hers.

HBAmerican
Weird situation. Went for drinks with her last week. I couldn't sense much physical attraction, not many responses to my flirting, then a couple hours in (despite me trying to get her home) she invited me to do coke with two of her friends (both dudes). I told her I wanted to get to know her more, but after a bit of back and forth agreed (based on what had happened so far, I knew it wasn't going to be a first night lay, and felt this might have been a better strategic move to ingrain myself in her life a bit more). They were also close by. So I went, stayed for a bit then left (needed to get upearly for the snow the next day). At the end, I went for the kiss as it felt natural. She deflected. "I don't kiss on the first date". WTF. I held her close, tried dirty talking in her ear. She told me it was difficult to resist but wouldn't budge. Then jumped up into my arms with her legs wrapped around mine. I left for the uber. We're still texting, she's still keen to meet up again. I lost a bit of interest after what happened but fuck it, it's still my only decent lead so far. I really don't care if it doesn't pan out though.

i would have passed on 2 guys and the cocke, that was a mistake... The end of the night kiss, i said many times i hate this move, total chump move... Beam take a read of the book "the art of not giving a fuck" by manson, in may help your mindset were you are right now.... finally, You need to carve time and be discipline about sarging, so you can hit momentum.... For example no matter what i go out fridays to practice my skillset is automatic, was 2 days for years, recently i lower to 1 but my point is you need to carve some time for sarging...

 

[Beam]

i would have passed on 2 guys and the cocke, that was a mistake...

Yeah you are right. Honestly though, part of me agreed because it actually sounded fun and it was. I know you don't touch them but I do like doing coke... not often though...

The end of the night kiss, i said many times i hate this move, total chump move...

My usual move is going for it at a high point, usually towards the middle. And I actually did, going for it when we were embracing outside one of the bars but she deflected (but didn't say anything that time)

Beam take a read of the book "the art of not giving a fuck" by manson, in may help your mindset were you are right now.... finally, You need to carve time and be discipline about sarging, so you can hit momentum.... For example no matter what i go out fridays to practice my skillset is automatic, was 2 days for years, recently i lower to 1 but my point is you need to carve some time for sarging...

I've downloaded the book! Will give it a read. And yes.. I know I will not make much progress unless I'm more disciplined than I currently am... I may need to give timeblocking a try again as I found that extremely effective.

 

[Beam]

Will have to write a more detailed FRs from the weekend but I need to go to bed. To summarize, was out with Marcellus both nights:

Friday night

Hooked a hot 21yo (first approach of the night) who ignored her friend to talk to me, her mum ended up coming to the club, she went to get her but I grabbed her number before she left. She actually texted me that her and her mum were dancing but I missed it, and she actually came back to where I was sitting to talk. We went off to dance for a while - a crowd of chicks gathered around me stealing glances - preselection at work since this chick was hotter than them. DIdn't lead her enough to other parts of the venue away from her family and friend. Was a bit difficult, she wasn't drinking (was driving). Ended up going back to them, vibe died a bit, she started talking to her family and I was talking to some other randos, then she came back to tell me she was leaving with her family. At this point I should have been more persistent (perhaps "I have a better idea, you should stay here" playfully" but instead brought back a we frame we had discussed of being a musical duo and how we needed to practice (she had a great singing voice). She said "text me" and then left. She responded to my text the next day but unfornately sent a lame text after that since I was in a rush. By lame I mean a boring literal response to her asking how the rest of my night was then asking her if she had any plans that night. Going to send another ping tomorrow. Rest of the night made a couple more approaches including at the bar, trying to spot and open girls who I suspected might be more receptive (looking around while dancing etc) rather than just anyone in sight.

Main takeaway: Stay the fuck in set. Initially she had a bitch face and was showing no signs of attraction. I just stayed sitting there with them and talked/joked, fighting the urge to eject. And eventually, she hooked. It was very uncomfortable at the start but I handled the tension well.

Saturday night

Went to a high end club wearing something new that I hadn't worn before (beige jumper, two necklaces, black pants and boots). Was not sure how this different look would be perceived and was a bit nervous, especially since everyone at this club was extremely attractive. Everyone was extremely friendly which I found a bit surprising.

Main takeaway: In contrast to the previous night, I again started ejecting soon because of not knowing move the interaction forward (the difference is this was on the dancefloor, but the music wasn't as loud and you could hear people talk).

Why the contrast - why are you ejecting so soon with most girls and persisting with others?
The sets of girls I eject from too soon are all sets where the girls look like the types I have never had success with. Others (like the 21 year old) there is something about them that I can just sense there's probably some attraction based on previous experience.

This is extremely problematic because due to my limited experience, most hot girls I meet on nights out are types I've never had success with. Meaning that surprise surprise, I'm ejecting too soon most of the time.

I need to have more faith in my attractiveness. No matter how much I improve my fundamentals there is still an inferiority complex there with the really hot girls at night and it's coming across in my interactions. I don't know why I struggle so much. For instance last night a hot chick even told me I looked good after I opened her. Another super hot Asian chick (who seemed a bit drunk) came up out of nowhere, embraced me and said I looked amazing) but I still have a hard time coming to terms with it and didn't persist (mind was telling me "she thinks you look good but doesn't want to sleep with you - girls like that have always rejected you). I guess it's trauma from all the prior rejection. It fucking sucks.

I need more dominance, assertiveness. I need to embrace these upgraded fundamentals, embrace the new perceptions of myself and lose the baggage.

70% Attraction (Flirting, loud voice, IDGAF. Bold sexual humous. Unashamedly sexual. Make it clear, don't hide the banana.) 30% Rapport.

Be more demanding. Tell her to show you her jewellery. tell her to come with you.

Hooking techniques:
Need more material. Have started reading Aleks articles on hooking, and reading Loftys reports again. Going to try the "My friend Jada" routine next weekend and see how it hits. Thinking hard about how I want to come across at night and developing techniques/stories and a plan to achieve that.

 

[ElderPrice]

Quick two cents:
You're struggling because your inner game needs works. Plus, you've got to be overthinking. Look at all the different things you're taking note to work on! It's going to drive you nuts trying to work on all that at once.

I suggest working on inner game, so more external stuff will happen naturally (less shit for you to think about).

For inner game, work on your self esteem, build internal validation, practice acceptance, and understand that you simply have old habits to correct.

Some exercises:
1. For internal validation, create a list of 100 positive traits about you. This won't be easy and will force you to dig deep and find your positives. But they're there.
2. For acceptance (which is basically owning and finding positives in your imperfections rather than trying to hide them), create a list of your top weaknesses that your mind loves to remind you about, then write rational responses to them, and truthfully find the positives in them as best you can.
3. For overcoming old habits, take at least 10-20 minutes a day and re-read what you wrote for the first two, or re-write better responses. This positivity will now increasingly become top of mind and you'll find yourself more and more thinking positively when in the field.

 

[Beam]

Quick two cents:
You're struggling because your inner game needs works. Plus, you've got to be overthinking. Look at all the different things you're taking note to work on! It's going to drive you nuts trying to work on all that at once.

I suggest working on inner game, so more external stuff will happen naturally (less shit for you to think about).

For inner game, work on your self esteem, build internal validation, practice acceptance, and understand that you simply have old habits to correct.

Some exercises:
1. For internal validation, create a list of 100 positive traits about you. This won't be easy and will force you to dig deep and find your positives. But they're there.
2. For acceptance (which is basically owning and finding positives in your imperfections rather than trying to hide them), create a list of your top weaknesses that your mind loves to remind you about, then write rational responses to them, and truthfully find the positives in them as best you can.
3. For overcoming old habits, take at least 10-20 minutes a day and re-read what you wrote for the first two, or re-write better responses. This positivity will now increasingly become top of mind and you'll find yourself more and more thinking positively when in the field.

Thanks EP, definitely need some internal rewiring for sure. It's weird because in many ways I feel like my self esteem is high in many different ways based on my previous experiences, but when it comes to these specific girls in these specific environments there are these resistances that pop up. I will find the stories I am subconsciously telling myself about these specific girls and rational responses to them.

On the overthinking, I actually don't think I am too much or psyching myself out. Most of what I'm focused on is the hook phase right now. It may look like a lot but I wouldn't say all these things are going on in my mind all the time. My sticking point now is just juicy material to hook her - so I'm immediately focused on that. When I have that knowledge about where the lead the conversation and interaction, a lot of the other things (flirtation, strong voice etc) come naturally.

Am also making my way through "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck"

 

[Beam]

Had a little lightbulb moment today, obviously will take time to feel consistently but for a split second, I felt what it would be like to be truly comfortable out doing DG. A point where there is absolutely no approach anxiety, because you are at ease and it feels like you know everyone around you - that the public aren't heavily scrutinizing you - rather the opposite, where they are supportive of you. Where approaching is effortless (even before when I was getting better results, there was still always a small sense of fear, resistance which had to be overcome).

From this place it's easy to tease, easy to self amuse, easy to see her as silly and cute, with no shame around flirting or sexualisation - it's all just a fun game. Other people aren't scary strangers - they're all just part of your community.

Not sure where this came from out of nowhere. It didn't last very long but it was there. Like a glimpse of a next level.

 

[Beam]

Am finding myself a lot less inhibited at night, a lot less fearful than I used to be. AA is a lot lower. Rejections don't faze me as much and are even funny a lot of the time. The unpleasant looks I just laugh about now (though I haven't had too many of those lately) Nights out seem a lot friendlier. My opens are a lot more natural and warmly received. And I've been staying in set longer. I'm believing the best in other people, that I am of value and they want me there, rather than how I used to view things, where I felt I was just there to take and as a result felt insecure.

However, I feel the tension getting unbearably high when I am in a set for a long time. Because I don't get here often, I start freaking out about where to go next "She expects me to be more experienced, she's going to find out I don't know what I'm doing and the whole thing is going to come crashing down". This shows on my face as nerves which they can pick up on. I can tell.

I have difficultly expressing my sexuality in an attractive way, especially to younger girls. I recently hit the big 3-0. I know I look quite a bit younger (a girl who approached me to complement my outfit on my birthday guessed I was 21. When I told her 30 she thought I was lying and kept saying "haha no, you're 21". I usually get 24-26.

Despite this, I still have this flawed mental block that every girl is going to automatically rule me out because of my age. I realise how ridiculous this is. I know on a logical level. But my mind is sabotaging me. "These girls like you, they may even be attracted to you, but they won't seriously fuck you".

This is for a particular type of younger girl .The 21 yo from a few weeks back seemed more mature. The ones I'm talking about are the ones who look really young. I'm still attracted to them. But not going to lie, I do feel like a bit of a creeper around them. And as a result I'm hiding the banana.

I saw a random video of this comedian talking about the two types of horny - "Fun horny" and "Weird horny".

You always want to be in the fun horny zone. This is how a 50 year old man can hit on an 18 year old chick and have her giggling, rather than shrinking back in horror.

However we don't just want giggling, we want true sexual desire.

Yesterday I hit on a chick (DG) who up close looked really young. She was giggling like crazy. But again, my mind told me "she won't seriously fuck you" and so I didn't persist when she had to get going for work. I'm thinking, how could I have expressed my desire, led the interaction in a way that makes her take me seriously as a sexual option.

Right now, I think young chicks see me as a mature attractive man but not as a sexual option. I feel this is going on in their minds.:

"haha this is fun, attractive older men like me. Validation! haha. Anyway, bye"

My goal is to remove that barrier of her seeing me as just another older man validating her and instead see me as a huge opportunity:

"haha this is fun. He's older but attractive. Wow, he seems experienced. He knows a lot about sex. I wonder what he'd be like, he'd probably be able to teach me so many things. Wait, he's being serious - he actually likes me? He doesn't mind that I'm young - I can actually sleep with him? *horniness intensifies*"

This will involve revisiting sexual prizing.

But, like I said, I'm focused on hooking still- but there must be a way to convey the above quickly verbally to aid the hook.

 

[Beam]

Aleks series on hooking

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

 

[Beam]

Had HBAmerican over at mine overnight - didn't sleep with her but made out heavily in my bed - but despite attempts at persistence would not budge. First date she wouldn't kiss, second date she wouldn't sleep with me but was excited for and initiating the kisses at points. She has hard rules. She still wanted me to get off since she seemed apologetic about coming over and not having sex - I jerked off while she kissed me.

Will go into more details on the interaction. I want to write it out in full since there were some little gems in there but to summarize:

Things I did well:

I used lots of sexualization to put the idea of sex in her mind. I made sure she knew I had a dick.

Examples:

1.

Me: "What's the longest your hair has ever been?"
HB: "My hear went down to around here" *cupped hands right near her breasts"
Me: "Are you trying to make me think about your boobs right now" while exaggerating what she was doing with my own hands.
Me: "That's interesting though. The longest my hair has ever been is here" *cupped hands around dick area*
HB: *Absolutely lost it laughing for like a minute straight and was speechless afterwards"

2.
Sitting at the table next to each other, my arm is around her, she cuddles up into my arms, facing away from me. Sort of like this but on a couch in a cocktail bar. My hands started reaching towards her breast to tease her - but she told me to stop with a giggle since there were people around. I told her:

Me: "I can't help it."
HB: "Why not?"
Me: "I have a rare form of Parkinsons. But instead of making my hands shake it just uncontrollably makes me touch boobs"

3. When cuddling, I ask "Do you enjoy that?" but not in an approval seeking way, with a sexy tone of voice. She responds "Hmm, maybe" acting all coy. So I say "ok" and pull back completely so I'm not touching her at all with a smirk. She asked "Did that offend you?" but it was clear from my body language and smile that I'm just playing. She then comes right back into my arms with a smile.

4. She brought up a sex party she went to recently. Her first experience. This is what initially got us into talking about sex. I started talking with passion about how fascinating sex is, how it's such a fundamental human experience and everyone experiences it differently, from missionary to bdsm. We discussed bondage, whether we'd been tied up and certain fantasies. I told her that I like to be dominant in the bedroom, belittling guys who are subs or who go doms (but in a tactful way, more saying "I don't get it, not into that at all" rather than straight insulting them which may have come off insecure.

5. Telling a story about the sex party, she recalled one guy who pulled out multiple weird items to slap the girl with like a baseball bat and a keyboard.

HB: "It was like Mary Poppins and her bag"
Me: "Are you talking about the Mary Poppins Porno?"
HB: *laughs uncontrollably then goes to the bathroom and comes back*
HB: "So tell me more about this porno. It obviously doesn't have the kids in this one"
Me: "No it does, this time the kids are grown up and above 18"
HB: "HAHAHA so Mary is all old now"
Me: "Yeah, a mature and experienced dom with a 12 inch dildo, amongst other various items"

Just completely crass. She loved it.

Teased her many times:

1.
*When coworkers complimented her on her outfit (she came straight from work*
Me: "Did you tell them it was because you had a really sexy date tonight?"

2.

HB: "Just so we're clear, if I come to your house, we are not having sex. Just want to put that out there"
Me: "Who said anything about sex? Jeez, women only think about one thing"

Venue change:

Had two drinks at the first venue, I suggested leaving to another bar where we had a couple more, then to my place.

Not afraid of persisting in the bedroom:
When resisting my attempts to remove her pants, I was not afraid to take my dick out and stroke her with it. She was surprised but found it amusing.

"Look what you're doing to me" while running her hand across it. After this she got on top rubbing against it to try to get me off but it was chafing and hurt with her clothes on. Eventually she took off her pants and trying again with just her panties but it still hurt, which is when we resorted to making out while I jerked myself off.


Things I could have improved on:

1. Initially going into the date I wasn't as excited - mainly because of the no kiss rule she had put out. I thought that meant she wasn't genuinely attracted to me so as a result my attraction lessened.

As a result early on she was leading the conversation at points which was not good. I was leaning back, there was some distance between us. I almost had a "impress me" attitude and I could tell she was making an effort to keep things going.

I loosened up after a while but still, perhaps a bit too harsh at the start.

2. The topic of sex only came up when she mentioned the sex party she went to. I don't like that I didn't lead into it myself and question whether we would have gotten onto the topic if she hadn't brought it up. I remember some gambits I developed to easily start talking about sex that I used successfully in the past now, which I'll make sure to work in on future dates.

3. The invite home was clumsy. I usually seed the pull earlier by talking about either TV shows or something else and then later saying "Hey, remember how we were talking about XX? Do you want to come over and watch YY"

However, I hadn't done this. At the second venue, after we were making out heavily, I then asked her what TV shows she watched. And immediately after suggested going and watching it. Not smooth and very obvious. And going from making out to talking about TV shows - not good.

Will probably think of more and add to this but it's late. I should probably get some sleep.

 

[Beam]

Something I've realized lately is I don't do much proper flirting at all in my initial interactions, whether it be day or night.

The girls I have gotten, I have gotten through showing intent up front, finding out a couple of details about here, light banter here and there, and then suggesting drinks and number closing.

I believe in most cases these girls have been green.

However, the reality I need to face is that, especially as I get older, more and more girls that I want (in their 20s) are going to go from green to yellow.

And right now, I suck with yellows. If I don't get much initial interest, I bail. Even though I can tell she's still there, she's still listening to what I have to say. I usually eject to early. Because I don't understand how to take a woman who is initially unenthusiastic/on the fence/may not even see me as a sexual being and turn her on. I actually suck at it. I've usually relied on my fundamentals, but I've definitely reached a point where this has been failing me.

I remember reading "The Alabaster Girl".

In it, Zan would be bold, telling girls things like "I think you should be my girlfriend" or "You should come visit me" within minutes of meeting them. The girls were shocked. Some bit, others didn't but respected the balls. When I read it I thought it was too weird or too much for me. But now I realize elements of this approach are what is needed in my interactions, especially with the yellows, to inject some fun and flirtation into the interactions.

I approached a two set of hot goth girls today and in a lull in the conversation, told them my name and asked theirs. I made them laugh a bit but then ejected early when I ran out of things to say.

I could have had some fun with it, saying something like "Hmm, I'm trying to decide which of you two should be my girlfriend" in a funny way. Getting me out of the "random stranger" camp and into the "fun, flirtatious man" camp.

Perhaps I could have then jokingly asked them each questions, like "have either of you slashed an ex lovers tyres before" or somethign like that. And at the end, when one of them passed all my screens, saying something like "perfect, we can be together" and putting my arm around her. Just injecting some fun into the interaction.

Or even, when I asked them what they were getting up to, being more bold and saying something like "You both should ditch the gig and come hang out with me instead". Similar to Javier Bardem in this classic scene from Vicky Christina Barcelona when within minutes of meeting both girls invites them to a holiday and then mentions how they will "drink wine, make love".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ih6Baoop5G4

I always looked at this as being sort of cheesy but I now understand the appeal of this approach, of being bold, of putting the idea of them getting together with me in their minds quickly.

RSD Tim mentions this in "Tims Flawless Natural" as well, quickly establishing an "we" frame. Getting out of stranger mode quickly. He also mentioned that "once you've established the we frame (or love bubble as he called it), you won't run out of things to say because you can just keep playing along in the we frame". This doesn't just have to apply to night game, it can apply to day game too. It's a missing link that I'm looking forward to applying.

Specifics on how to apply? Will need to think on this for a while. Zans examples are good.

This ties in with a post I made on the 16th:

I'm thinking, how could I have expressed my desire, led the interaction in a way that makes her take me seriously as a sexual option.

Right now, I think young chicks see me as a mature attractive man but not as a sexual option. I feel this is going on in their minds.:

"haha this is fun, attractive older men like me. Validation! haha. Anyway, bye"

My goal is to remove that barrier of her seeing me as just another older man validating her and instead see me as a huge opportunity:

"haha this is fun. He's older but attractive. Wow, he seems experienced. He knows a lot about sex. I wonder what he'd be like, he'd probably be able to teach me so many things. Wait, he's being serious - he actually likes me? He doesn't mind that I'm young - I can actually sleep with him? *horniness intensifies*"

This is a nice, quick way of establishing that quickly. It's really something that can be used anywhere. At any high point. "You're fun. You should be my next girlfriend" with a cheeky sexy smile in a way that she clearly knows I'm kidding about the girlfriend part but then using that to establish that idea in her mind of us being together as opposed to "random nice stranger"

 

[Beam]

I'm in a confusing headspace right now.

Part of me is giving less fucks than I ever have before. It's allowing me to be more free in my social interactions. I feel I am naturally becoming more outcome independent, saying what's on my mind and being less concerned with how people react. More comfortable opening and talking to people at night and self amusing than I've been in a long time and being positive about the future.

And then other times there's this huge shift where I feel like the biggest clown, going out and getting nothing while other guys are having success. It's black and white, no in between. It always comes up when I find out about other guys having sexual success especially since I'm in some sort of sexless hell right now.

Last night I woke up to my natural housemate bringing another girl home. Probably the fifth or so in the last few months (but he also told me he slept with like 5 other girls on holiday a couple weeks back) They were loud and she was passionately shouting his name. I could feel my mind pulling myself in multiple directions. First was envy, then it was "the dude is a gun. Good for him. Can't wait to pick his brain again tomorrow". Then it felt like my brain was trying to pull me into this negative state. "Why aren't you feeling worse about yourself? This guy is years younger than you and killing it, and you haven't been laid in ages despite having access to the best seduction resource for years. You should feel terrible. You loser"

It was awful. I could keenly feel the negativity just pulling and gnawing at me, trying to bring me down. I tried hard to fight it and managed to stave it off.

But I don't think I've staved it off completely. It's still there bubbling under the surface. And seeping out in the form of apathy in other areas.

For instance, I've barely been daygaming because I've just been in a headspace of "what's the fucking point". The constant rejections have made me emotionally numb and unwilling to go out. I've pretty much exclusively being doing night game now. I approach here and there during the day if I see a particurly attractive girl without success. I must be coming across extremely low value because yesterday I approached a girl sitting in a park, had a lengthy convo, I sat down. Invited her to the festival I was going to that evening (I was actually on my way there when I met her). I admit there wasn't much physical proximity and flirting. We exchanged instagrams. And I'm pretty sure she blocked me because I can't find her profile. Am I really coming across that badly?

I hate feeling like this, especially since DG was my favourite way to meet girls, and I was decent at it, but now I just can't think of anything I'd rather be doing less than walking around for hours specifically to do it. Not to say all the interactions have been bad. I've had many positive interactions but they've always been with the ones who have had boyfriends. To single women in DG it certainly feels like there's a giant invisible sign on my head saying "Do not touch"

In many ways, it feels like the last 4 years have never happened. Especially lying in bed feeling envious of my housemate having sex - exactly the same as I used to years ago with another housemate (who is still a good friend to this day).

In many ways I feel exactly the same with women as I did 4 years ago. An clueless AFC. This wasn't the case post relationship. Even though I wasn't in the best headspace, I still felt like I had levelled up to a new baseline with women and felt more confident than ever before that I would quickly bounce back. The last couple of months this confidence has crumbled to dust and it hurts, especially since I have tasted the feeling of that confidence. I know what it feels like, I know that I'm lacking it now and it hurts. Hurts when I'm not emotionally numb that is.

Objectively though I know I'm in a much better position than I was. I still match with cuties online, some message me first. But I'm apathetic towards online still. Also a lot of the chicks (not all) are in their 30s looking for LTRs which I don't want anything to do with.

I'm still seeing HBAmerican. But in many ways this makes me feel like even more of an AFC since we made out in my bed again and got more clothes off and she gave me a handjob but she still wouldn't have sex. I'm just thinking "am I the same person who was consistently having sex with girls on the first date years ago? What the fuck happened? I feel like every other loser now with the girl holding out sex"

Seeing my housemate and the fun life he leads, how effortlessly he brings women (and cool men) into his life, his positive outlook. His life just seems so starkly different from mine and reminds me how far I have to go. I get worried because I think "if I just keep working I can get there".

But I've worked pretty hard the last couple years and if I still feel like the same person I was 4 years ago despite that and despite some of the great experiences I have had, what guarantee is there that I will ever get there? I worry about this. I worry that I'm going about this the complete wrong way. Wasting years of my life on the wrong path. That I'll look around in another four years to find I have still not fundamentally changed. That's my biggest fear.

I don't know how to let go of all of this. I can at times. But it's exhausting. The only thing I can think of now is to just keep focusing on being present. The past and future do not exist. All that exists is the present. And how can you make the present as awesome as possible. Not just for you but for everyone around you.

 

[Beam]

Writing this out has been good and has already made me feel better and things a little clearer.
These setbacks lately I am having are normal and are solved by two things.

1. Keep approaching, and talking to everyone. Not just girls but guys as well to keep you social.
2. Write detailed Field Reports. I realized I haven't really written proper field reports of my interactions over the last couple of months. I've just been writing down that I haven't been successful. This is how I used to journal before and it didn't get me far.

 

[Will_V]

Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself dude.

You should be exposing yourself to so much new experiences you don't even notice what your housemate is doing.

1. Do 50 approaches.
2. How many approaches turn into numbers?
3. How many numbers turn into dates?
4. How many dates you pull?
5. How many lays from pulls?

Repeat.

Start gathering information that is actually useful for fixing your problem, diagnose problem areas, develop areas that are weak, and evolve.