Let me try something. When I started this journal the plan was to be making one post per week at least. In fact sometimes even this feels a lot time wise, but there are other times that I may be be more free and feel like writing, so why not be a bit more flexible. I am usually forgetting most of the approaches at the end of the week, so by writing some stuff in the middle of it, it could also help me get more aware of what's exactly transpiring during these interactions.
I flew back home this morning, still lacking sleep due to the early flight, so my whole vibe is pretty slow let's say. I went out to grab some lunch and made some approaches before and after buying it while holding it in my hand as take away.
First approach she was walking and did not even stop. She was wearing headphones but I could persist, since I did not even go right in front of her but opened kinda over the shoulder. Anyway it was the first one after almost two weeks, so I cut myself some slack.
Second one she stopped after using excuse me twice, also in headphones, but looked young. Asked her age, she was 16, so I told her I don't want to go to jail, half laughing, and wished her the best.
Third approach, I told her I saw her walking and she looked lovely, almost instantly responded she had a boyfriend and wished her the best.
Fourth approach, I saw two young girls walking towards the opposite side of the tram station I was passing by. One was very short, but with flashy high heels, and quite suggestive clothing, the hot weather helped, so I felt something inside me. They went and sat at the the station, in fact my girl was sitting, the friend was standing in front of her, with a bunch of people around, so I thought whatever, let's go gung ho straight up to her, it's not that I have much time to make it way smoother with the tram coming in two minutes.
So I crossed the tram rails, went up to her and the immediate moment I started addressing her, she fixed her sitting position and closed up. I was thinking whatever, let's go all the way since I came. I said that i saw her crossing the rails and she she had something really lovely about her. Maybe she gave a dismissive thanks while her friend was looking at me up and down, I don't remember exactly, but it was pretty awkward, since I was clearly unwelcome.
Still decided to stay and ease into the tension for practice. Told something along the lines of the weather being beautiful and they look like they are going to something fun. I saw the tram coming so I excused myself, saying I have to go and wished them the best. Heard them laughing as I was leaving, but I am happy because I felt that it didn't affect me at all.
After buying my food I started walking back home and saw a girl talking to her phone next to some bars. I started walking towards her, and my idea was to decide whether to approach or not as I was getting closer. Not the best choice to eventually do an approach, but I was feeling pretty low energy, so wasn't that much in the mood of interrupting a phone call.
So for the fifth approach, luckily not only she stopped as I was passing by her, but she also turned and looked at me for a second before turning back to face the bars. I took it as an approach invitation and went and leaned next to the bars myself kinda close to her and opened her. All this came so naturally to me that I honestly don't remember the opening line here. Maybe something about how chill she looked standing here at the bars, but I wouldn't really bet on it.
We talked for a bit, she is in my city just for some weeks in the summer for some kind of internship, she was trying to pay a gym but didn't have a card, so she was talking to the phone with friends to find what to do. I was pretty low energy as I said, tried to tease a bit, or she was basically teasing herself. She said she was workingat the hospital, so i said are you a doctor, nurse or what, snd she was like no a surgeon's helper, not a surgeon, and she was moving back and forth by herself seemingly having fun, while I was just saying that at least I hope she can give him his tools well. I generally wonder if I came off a bit too aloof or bored, was the first slightly longer interaction with a girl after some time, and maybe i didn't get playful enough, I did feel moments of tension though. I guess some amount of bored aloofness can help eventually, that said I should try to check the right amount.
She said that she was looking forward to discovering the clubs as she likes partying. I asked if she enjoys having some drink from time to time as well, and she said yeah, but is more interested in clubbing. Around that point I said let's exchange numbers. Not a good move thinking back now though, because it felt like I was taking her number in order to go party to a club with her. This also bit me later because she told me she lives here with her friend and they work together at the same hospital. Around then I said whether it's possible to also see her by herself or they are always together, and she asked me if I want a date.
I don't think I handled this very well, haven't heard something similar in a while too, since normally my interactions are pretty much about me and the girl right away, but here we got into her friend and their fun times while living here. What I said was something like: "I said nothing like that, you are the one who did, and puts all the pressure on me now". My thinking process was to use a chase frame, that she is pushing me to date her by saying that, but I feel it wasn't a very immediate answer, and it looked like I was thinking in my mind while responding, so didn't land that well. Her answer was: Let's go party first and then we see.
Then I told her she really is into partying, she told me she is from a party city, I looked her up and down and told her that yeah she gives me that kind of crazy vibe, she then said she is also dressed like that because of the good weather, and we could also go chill by the lake. By that point I had the feeling she was pushing a lot for social circle activities so I was losing interested. It's not abnormal of her though, she was with just one friend in a new city for few weeks in the summer, of course she would want to make some social connections there and go out with them to have a good time.
Anyway she said she was waiting now to see what will happen with her gym and asked if I live close to where we were. I told her yeah on the other side of the train station, she mentioned that her gym is there as well and I told her cool, since you are around we can also go for a drink at some point there is a very nice bar close to here. Then I wished her luck with the gym and left.
Some minutes ago I sent a text with my name saying I hope she found a way with the gym, felt it was fitting as an icebreaker, since some tiem had passed, but I don't have much hope for this number. I mean she probably wants someone to go and party with, and apart from not having a party social circle, I normally just go to the clubs alone, I am not interested on investing on a party night out at a techno club like that. I don't know if something good could come out of it, but feels like too much without much potential. I think I will just evade if she asks to go clubbing during the weekend, saying I am out of town, and then propose something for the two of us during the week. I am open to suggestion regarding how to handle this though.
Sixth approach a fast moving moving going towards the platform inside the train station, she was quite cute and stylish, saw her and ran behind her a bit, tried to open from the side and she got quite scared. I told her I'm sorry and didn't want to come so suddenly, but she looked so lovely when she was walking. She smiled immediately, so I told her I don't know if she is married or not, she stopped me and told me she was engaged and getting ready to get married still smiling though, and I told her that's sweet, I would have invited her for a drink if not, but I understand, and wished her the best.
Seventh approach, I was passing from another tram station few feet away, yeah too many of them around here, and I saw a fairly attractive woman crossing the rails towards my side. I stopped her, gave an opener and realised she doesn't speak english. In fact almost immediately after I approached her, a guy came from the other side next to her and talked to me and told me she doesn't speak english. I asked him if they are together like a pair, he said yes, so I told him I saw his girl passing by and she looked really lovely so I wanted to come and tell her.
It was funny because I was very genuine saying this to him, wit a warm appreciative smile, no intent in my heart to get between them, but he still looked at me very defensively and basically took his girl and quickly moved away without saying anything. Always interesting to see such reactions.
Eighth and last approach, at that tram station on the other said a girl was sitting by herself. She seemed cute from afar so I decided to go, I could take that tram towards my place anyway. I walked past her, she was extremely focused on her phone and didn't see me. I opened with an excuse me, she didn't hear. Second excuse me nothing. Walked a bit backwards waving my hand to her nothing. Eventually I started waving my hand very close to her cellphone keeping a smile and she finally saw it, or decided she couldn't keep evading it who knows.
I told her she looked really casually classy, like she is not even trying but it is there, and she took it very positively. I asked what she is doing around and she said it was her dream to come leave here and she's only been for a while, so I said wow I like this place but you are an even bigger fan. I asked what bus she is taking, and I said, which was true,: let me sit for a sec I'm taking the same.
Then as i sat left a moment, felt she wouldn't contribute, so I asked her whether she came randomly here just because it was a dream or she had any plan. She told me she one and she was like but I'm leaving in two months. I kinda burst out genuinely laughing telling her that's how much she loves it, and kinda gave a small push towards her bag which was between, like a: "get out of here". She laughed as well, but not sure if that small move was good, maybe too friendly playful.
Anyway the bus came, by the way yes the bus also passes from the tram station, we went in and as I only had a station I asked her if she will be around during the summer and was ready to get to a drink proposal, but she said she is also going to move together with her boyfriend in that other place. So I said I understand, she is destroying my heart but I will survive and in the end I wished her the best in her new beginning and got out of the bus.
Then reached home, and wrote this while eating the food I still had in hand all this time.
Something to note is that I had a very relaxed non reactive vibe in general. I think I only lost it for a bit when the girl told me that I want a date. But still I was quite calm, maybe too low energy in the beginning in fact. What I have seen when I am like that is that people hardly believe that it's real sometimes, like how is it possible that he is coming in the middle of the day to hit on me and he is also so chill. Towards the end of this small outing I think I also tapped a bit more into my playful energy and I feel I reached a fairly good balance of playfully pursuing something but being fully fine even if I don't get it. Not that I have perfected this, but I feel it's a good goal to move towards as much as I can.
Thinking now this got bigger than I expected, so won't be getting into this much detail regarding all my approaches, or I will have to be making this journal a full time job. That said if I feel in the mood and have time I will be getting into this kind of posts, both for me to think back on the approaches but also for anyone who may read it, because I feel having a totally unfiltered and raw presentation of all approaches during an outing, helps to see what can be expected and that even the worst scenarios that can happen ( not stopping, laughing behind your back, her boyfriend coming out of nowhere etc ) are really not that serious.
