Diary of an explorer

[gameboy]

I'm not saying cancel the dates, but you probably wanna think about how to explain the broken arm(s)... I'm not a fan of lying at all, but the true story won't gain you any sympathy either with the girls I'm pretty sure.

I guess you can always go and see what happens.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I'm not saying cancel the dates, but you probably wanna think about how to explain the broken arm(s)... I'm not a fan of lying at all, but the true story won't gain you any sympathy either with the girls I'm pretty sure.

I guess you can always go and see what happens.

Well, in the hospital I basically told them I slipped and fell, as there was commotion and someone pushed me. There is a crazily big street party in my city today, so it wouldn’t be unbelievable.

Besides I really fell down, the fractures are from hitting the ground, not directly from the guys, but yeah they did sweep my leg on purpose to fall. I could omit that.

I was even surprised myself to be honest that they fractured, because it didn’t feel like a crazy fall or they pushed me with extreme force. I would bet at that moment that it wasn’t anything serious, since I’ve fallen down before like that, and even if I’ve gotten wounds, I never had fractures.

In the pharmacy the girl told me that I could be deficient in some vitamins to have multiple fractures so easily, and I am thinking about it.

So yeah, I don’t like lying in general, but I don’t think I would tell this full story to a girl I am dating.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Surprisingly exactly after wearing the cast my vibe was pretty good so I did some approaches walking around, took 2 numbers, but one girl was leaving the city in few hours, and the other hasn't responded yet. The only bad thing when I am in this state is that I come off pretty happy and upbeat, but quite less masculine. Whenever I try to come off masculine, I feel more stiff. I feel I am probably not grounded enough in both cases.

Later yesterday I had a date, I was pretty bad after getting hurt to the point that a woman that saw me struggling with my arms randomly helped me tie my lashes. But as I said I wanted to see how it could go.

I think it was good generally. The girl had told me before coming that she won't stay more than an hour, because she was flying early next morning and had to go gather the laundry and pack. I knew she would fly next day, so I should have told her to meet a bit earlier.

Anyway, it wasn't a bad vibe at all, but not one that would lead to a pull or even a kiss. In the end she told me after I texted her, that it was really nice to meet me more. That said since she is on vacation now, I don't know when and how we will meet again.

I tried to build some frames about exploring, living in the moment, and going after experiences and with the flow. Not sure how much they landed, she told me she is also open minded and goes for what she wants, but then was saying her last relationship was an older guy and she was a step mom to six kids...

Today I had another date in the afternoon, took her for a coffee, and she sat opposite to me. Generally if they naturally want that I tend not to pressure them. The previous date kinda asked me about it, so I told her sitting next to each other is fine, we were still with some angle, but at least I could touch her legs with my hand from time to time, and also her shoe with mine. This one was quite far away so no touch.

Anyway we spent a lot of time together there and she was paying a lot of attention to what I was saying. Went with similar frames again, also about how trust and connections can sometime build fast, and how maybe even a short interaction can be important in life. She was circling back a lot to how a relationship should be and what makes it work well though.

At some point there were some silences where we were just looking at each other so I invited her home to show some paintings, since she is drawing. She told me quite firmly not today, so we went on talking. After a bit she checked the time and realised two hours there had passed, and said: "wow we've been here for so long". I told her: "they say time passes fast when you enjoy it", and she said: "that's true, thank you for this".

A bit later we left because she had to go study for some language and certificate, and even thanked me in the end again, and via text later. She is also leaving for vacation soon, so also unsure about where and when to meet

In general I feel this second one purely due to microcalibrations from the first one was a bit better, but in general both dates felt solid, with me being there and enjoying the girls and their company. That said both did not turn sexual at all. So I am really not sure how to feel about them.

I guess some girls may just not want to have sex on the first date, especially if they are there for short time and are busy later. I do feel though that maybe I could be pulling them if I was sexy enough. So I am not sure whether in the end running dates in this way is more effective than pushing for the close from the first time no matter the signs.

Because I don't really mind going with the pace she is comfortable a bit and meeting again, but if this ends up being two or three dates of no sexual action and with things going towards a relationship, then yes I have an issue. And I am trying to set all these open-minded frames, no idea how they work eventually though. Or in fact I know they were not enough for a pull on these first dates, who knows if I can get a second one and make it work.

Good thing regarding my situation is that the dates went normally, and I didn't feel my fractured arms affecting what I was doing. So at least I know I can keep dating effectively like this, and regarding sex let's first get there and then we see.

I did about five more approaches today and I wasn't in a very good state again which is something I have to look into controlling, These approaches didn't work out, but I at least have the feeling that the problem with my arms cannot stop me, and most approaching issues are totally unrelated to it.

I also had a date planned tonight with the Spanish girl I slept with last month, she told me she was very hangover and wanted to rest, and it works for me as well, because if we meet later, at least one of my arms will be better. She wanted to meet tomorrow so I know she didn't just flake, but I told her the next few days I'll be busy, which is true since I have some more dates planned.

Let's see how they all go. I will keep approaching, I want to work on reaching a more grounded masculine presence while remaining playful, and honestly I see lots of girls outside that I would like to have, and it fires me up even more.

It's an interesting week, because I will also see how things will go with my new job now that I am hurt. I may even begin next week and not this one eventually. Let's see, I hope nothing goes really wrong, and I go and work normally sooner or later.

More than anything though, I am not stopping, I did something stupid, I will live with it, but there is no time to sit by the side and wait. I'll keep going.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I am at a pretty strange state. Basically back to this feeling of why would these hot girls be interested in me.

I know it’s a wrong frame, but after a series of bad receptions to approaches, combined with a period of low

 

[gameboy]

I think it's completely normal man. Anyone would be depressed after the experience you had.

Once your arms are whole again you're gonna be fine!

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I am at a pretty strange state. Basically back to this feeling of why would these hot girls be interested in me.

I know it’s a wrong frame, but after a series of bad receptions to approaches, combined with a period of low

Lol the low period went so low I can’t post properly.

Anyway I wanted to say that it’s a period with some physical struggles with my arms, that translate to daily difficulties doing basic things. Also my father came to help and I’m not alone in my place anymore. At the same time I start a new job tomorrow, and also have a bunch of doctor appointments.

I understand that I have to accept it and keep going, and I do, it just feels like I always find ways to stop improving.

And then I look around the city and although I shouldn’t think like that, I notice all these guys that seem like better options than me, more social, more well built and well dressed. In the end it feels a bit like, what do I even offer to women.

The funnier thing is that even when I am in a more positive state, and I approach from a different mindset, the reactions will change, I will be received better, but the results will not, I won’t have much more sex eventually with these women.

I think this absolute focus on cold approaching lately had been affecting me. I’ve been literally talking to people with the goal to seduce, and the dates I was getting were my main social interactions.

I feel I am honestly forgetting how to be a normal guy in a group, without a focus on actively seducing girls. And maybe that is what I am feeling regarding how the attractive girls receive me.

I feel I am a guy that only goes around hitting on them, and basically his whole thing is finding ways to sleep with them. And I think I come off way too much lay oriented.

Not sure if just chilling and being more social is the answer, because I can do it a bit, but don’t expect results from it either.

I even had 3-4 dates these last days, not with any crazily hot girls, but they were cute, and they all felt so far from sex in one way or the other.

Which gets me thinking that ok, the girls that reject me fast reject my approach and I can fix that. But even the girls that spend more time with me seem to not be in the mood to get more sexual.

And this bothers me because I feel I am not exciting these girls enough, and started getting to the point of thinking why am I even taking them to dates?

Let’s say I approach them, I ask them out, and then we meet, we talk for some hour and we part ways. And I have tried to escalate with a kiss or invite them home enough times to know that it does not work and even seems uncalibrated.

So I am wondering, even for these girls, what do they get out of it? A lot of them are also busy, and I am busy, so it’s also quite difficult to eventually plan a second date anyway. I have been trying for one with the girl I slept last month, and always something happens.

It could be that I am also simply too focused on sex. I mean I clearly think of a date not leading there as wasted time. Sometimes the girls sense it and don’t want to see me again. Sometimes I don’t show it but the end result is the same.

Besides the more you date before sex the more it feels like we are going for a relationship, which I don’t want.

So I’m making these approaches, meeting girls, and I wonder what I am even inviting them to. A nice date that will lead to nowhere?

Ideally my proposition would be an intense sexual experience, and I would be happy approaching any girls and giving them that. I would even say I would be more excited to approach the hottest girls because my primal desire for them would make this experience even more amazing for both of us. I wouldn’t think of other guys then because they wouldn’t matter.

But now it feels that I cannot even satisfy this proposition. Even if I would like to get hot with them, they keep taking things slower, not getting very sexual and after a while it feels like why are we even here, we want different things.

And this would be good if there were people I could find that would want the same kind of sexual experience I do. I don’t seem to be effective with that though.

All in all, my issue is double. On one hand not being able to convert my dates to sex, and on the other not being able to convince myself what I offer to hot women, if I see that when we end up meeting nothing happens. It feels like a huge waste of time for all somehow, at least until I get more sexy and effective in offering great experiences to women.

It could all be magnified by my frustration of what happened and my current living situation too.

That said I surely need to start interacting in cool ways with people out of cold approach, because I think I am getting too unhinged, to the point that I approach groups and instantly open the hot girl, without caring much about the others. And maybe if you do it in a cool way it can work, but not just excusing myself for interrupting and direct opening the girl with the sole focus on her.

The reason I do that is because I am extremely bad at going indirect and working with subtlety, so I feel I have to work on these things, so that I can be normally social and seduce at the same time, without needing to transition from one to the other.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I think it's completely normal man. Anyone would be depressed after the experience you had.

Once your arms are whole again you're gonna be fine!

Thanks man! You are probably right. I am trying to look at everything else happening in order to have an idea of things to work on and improve, it is true though that all this situation is affecting me psychologically and practically.

The worst thing is this feeling of being unable to do something about it, not easy to feel seductive when struggling to even put your clothes on and have a bath.

 

[gameboy]

Thanks man! You are probably right. I am trying to look at everything else happening in order to have an idea of things to work on and improve, it is true though that all this situation is affecting me psychologically and practically.

The worst thing is this feeling of being unable to do something about it, not easy to feel seductive when struggling to even put your clothes on and have a bath.

Yeah, I know how it feels. Broke my arm once after slipping on ice. That wasn't fun. Fortunately it was only temporary!

Regarding those girls... if I were you, the dates you had I would just befriend the girls. Since you can't do much seducing right now probably anyway.

It's not unheard of that a girl will sleep with a friend if he's chill. Of course you want to avoid the oneitis situation where the guy thinks he's in love but the girl friend zoned him. Better friend zone her first, sort of preemptively Does that make sense at all? Just thinking out loud here but I think it might be fun.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Yeah, I know how it feels. Broke my arm once after slipping on ice. That wasn't fun. Fortunately it was only temporary!

Regarding those girls... if I were you, the dates you had I would just befriend the girls. Since you can't do much seducing right now probably anyway.

It's not unheard of that a girl will sleep with a friend if he's chill. Of course you want to avoid the oneitis situation where the guy thinks he's in love but the girl friend zoned him. Better friend zone her first, sort of preemptively Does that make sense at all? Just thinking out loud here but I think it might be fun.

Surprisingly I didn’t feel a lot of differences compared to my normal dates, probably because I don’t touch that much anyway, some light ones I can do with the other hand. Can’t say how my general vibe changed though, or how much it subconsciously affected me.

Regarding the friendzoning I know it can work, was never good with it though, I think it comes off cery clearly when I like someone, and it will go south.

And the times I have truly friendzoned girls it just feels strange to make a move. Even if the girl is a cute, I get into this mindset of: wait we have something else.

I still remember a girl from a friend group that was texting me to hang out and I was busy but at some point I took her for a drink next to my place and I was feeling a weird energy, but never even thought of making a move, because we were friends.

And I was quite openly sexual with these people, but my mindset was that yes I am sexual, but not with my friends, that’s why they are friends, why mix that up.

Of course she never asked to hang out one on one after that, and maybe I would have handled it differently now, but I sometimes create strange boxes in my head, and if I decide we are friends with someone, I honestly don’t see them sexually anymore.

Even if I saw them sexually in the beginning, the moment I decide ok she is not into me, or ok she is unavailable, I kinda flip a switch and go: ok with her nothing is gonna happen, let’s be chill, I’ll find other girls. And normally the more I get to know them the less into them I get, since at first it was mostly visual, and then I discover all their quirks.

It’s probably some form of autorejection from my side, but if I don’t do it and continue hanging out with these girls, I will be in constant turmoil. So I simply accept I lost my chance, moved slow and move on to other prospects.

Lastly, most of the girls I met are professional women, quite busy, so I am not even sure what sense it makes to have them as friends. I really doubt if we will find time to even meet soon.

My plan is to propose another date at some point, see if I can escalate more, and go from there. We’ll see.

 

[Will_V]

Lol the low period went so low I can’t post properly.

Anyway I wanted to say that it’s a period with some physical struggles with my arms, that translate to daily difficulties doing basic things. Also my father came to help and I’m not alone in my place anymore. At the same time I start a new job tomorrow, and also have a bunch of doctor appointments.

I understand that I have to accept it and keep going, and I do, it just feels like I always find ways to stop improving.

And then I look around the city and although I shouldn’t think like that, I notice all these guys that seem like better options than me, more social, more well built and well dressed. In the end it feels a bit like, what do I even offer to women.

The funnier thing is that even when I am in a more positive state, and I approach from a different mindset, the reactions will change, I will be received better, but the results will not, I won’t have much more sex eventually with these women.

I think this absolute focus on cold approaching lately had been affecting me. I’ve been literally talking to people with the goal to seduce, and the dates I was getting were my main social interactions.

I feel I am honestly forgetting how to be a normal guy in a group, without a focus on actively seducing girls. And maybe that is what I am feeling regarding how the attractive girls receive me.

I feel I am a guy that only goes around hitting on them, and basically his whole thing is finding ways to sleep with them. And I think I come off way too much lay oriented.

Not sure if just chilling and being more social is the answer, because I can do it a bit, but don’t expect results from it either.

I even had 3-4 dates these last days, not with any crazily hot girls, but they were cute, and they all felt so far from sex in one way or the other.

Which gets me thinking that ok, the girls that reject me fast reject my approach and I can fix that. But even the girls that spend more time with me seem to not be in the mood to get more sexual.

And this bothers me because I feel I am not exciting these girls enough, and started getting to the point of thinking why am I even taking them to dates?

Let’s say I approach them, I ask them out, and then we meet, we talk for some hour and we part ways. And I have tried to escalate with a kiss or invite them home enough times to know that it does not work and even seems uncalibrated.

So I am wondering, even for these girls, what do they get out of it? A lot of them are also busy, and I am busy, so it’s also quite difficult to eventually plan a second date anyway. I have been trying for one with the girl I slept last month, and always something happens.

It could be that I am also simply too focused on sex. I mean I clearly think of a date not leading there as wasted time. Sometimes the girls sense it and don’t want to see me again. Sometimes I don’t show it but the end result is the same.

Besides the more you date before sex the more it feels like we are going for a relationship, which I don’t want.

So I’m making these approaches, meeting girls, and I wonder what I am even inviting them to. A nice date that will lead to nowhere?

Ideally my proposition would be an intense sexual experience, and I would be happy approaching any girls and giving them that. I would even say I would be more excited to approach the hottest girls because my primal desire for them would make this experience even more amazing for both of us. I wouldn’t think of other guys then because they wouldn’t matter.

But now it feels that I cannot even satisfy this proposition. Even if I would like to get hot with them, they keep taking things slower, not getting very sexual and after a while it feels like why are we even here, we want different things.

And this would be good if there were people I could find that would want the same kind of sexual experience I do. I don’t seem to be effective with that though.

All in all, my issue is double. On one hand not being able to convert my dates to sex, and on the other not being able to convince myself what I offer to hot women, if I see that when we end up meeting nothing happens. It feels like a huge waste of time for all somehow, at least until I get more sexy and effective in offering great experiences to women.

It could all be magnified by my frustration of what happened and my current living situation too.

That said I surely need to start interacting in cool ways with people out of cold approach, because I think I am getting too unhinged, to the point that I approach groups and instantly open the hot girl, without caring much about the others. And maybe if you do it in a cool way it can work, but not just excusing myself for interrupting and direct opening the girl with the sole focus on her.

The reason I do that is because I am extremely bad at going indirect and working with subtlety, so I feel I have to work on these things, so that I can be normally social and seduce at the same time, without needing to transition from one to the other.

Good self reflection here.

Can you see now that your identity was being propped up by the way girls reacted to you, since now that you cannot approach and get their reactions, you feel so low? It's very clear that your difficulties are a result of your neediness:

- You are afraid to fail with girls, therefore you can't relax and be uninhibited, therefore they cannot open sexually to you.
- You are afraid to fail with pickup in general, therefore you push things too hard when it's past time to move on, so that your ego has some consolation

With this mental model, it's no wonder girls are defensive and closed off sexually, and it's no wonder you feel so driven to push failed approaches to the wire.

The natural progression of sex begins very subtly, with a loss of inhibition that spreads from you to her through your self expression. That means you have to be uninhibited first, and remain that way no matter what she does, so that she can follow your lead. If you are inhibited - by your fear of failure and your negative mental model of yourself - there is no path of un-inhibition for her to follow, therefore no path to sex, and things fizzle out.

You must work on establishing your own identity, living the truth that you want others to see and be influenced by, every moment of your life, wherever you are and whatever your circumstances. Because that is your offering to her, for her to be able to join you there and release all her own fears and worries and inhibitions, regardless of who she is and where she is at. That is what she is mesmerized by, that is what status and money and good looks can never buy.

I hope I'm not too out of line here: but what is your father doing there with you? If you are capable of doing everything on your own, I would suggest to get him out of the place asap. You're not a kid anymore, you're a man, and it's clear that a lot of the obstacles you've run into in your life come from living in the reality of your parents, long after it was time to leave the nest and tread your own path.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

- You are afraid to fail with girls, therefore you can't relax and be uninhibited, therefore they cannot open sexually to you.
- You are afraid to fail with pickup in general, therefore you push things too hard when it's past time to move on, so that your ego has some consolation

Yeah I see what you mean here. I think I am more afraid of failing continuously. I mean I can have periods that I go to dates, I’m not pushing them really and they feel nice, but don’t end up in bed. So I feel I must be doing something wrong and then I start focusing a lot on how exactly to run them to get there. If I get a lay I may become more chill again, go to dates that feel alright but have no sex and start this process of focusing hard on what to do to get sex again.

The natural progression of sex begins very subtly, with a loss of inhibition that spreads from you to her through your self expression. That means you have to be uninhibited first, and remain that way no matter what she does, so that she can follow your lead. If you are inhibited - by your fear of failure and your negative mental model of yourself - there is no path of un-inhibition for her to follow, therefore no path to sex, and things fizzle out.

I understand this. I think the most sexual a girl has been with me on a date, was a lunch date were I had totally taken sex out of my mind as a possibility. I still talked about it, but it was more of a curious let’s see what kind of girl she is, without any goal to lead her to sex that day.

My problem is that whenever I do something like this, on a date, or when approaching, or even in social circle, and I am going very uninhibited, I may get interest by girls, but I have never been able go capitalise on it.

And it’s not that I don’t see it, at least sometimes I do, but I feel I don’t know how to move forward. I am not following my seduction process, and when I notice the interest I have a thinking of: oh, this one likes me, let’s get into seduction mode to get with her. And then I lose all the uninhibited part instantly and become needy again.

Or sometimes I will basicall not see it, because I am not having my mind at sex, so even when I get signs of attraction I don’t feel motivated to act on them.

You must work on establishing your own identity, living the truth that you want others to see and be influenced by, every moment of your life, wherever you are and whatever your circumstances. Because that is your offering to her, for her to be able to join you there and release all her own fears and worries and inhibitions, regardless of who she is and where she is at. That is what she is mesmerized by, that is what status and money and good looks can never buy.

Yeah this is something to live by. I do believe that, and feel it’s my biggest issue. Maybe I don’t know what’s really my identity or truth? Or know deep down, but I have hidden it so well from myself?

I’ve spent hours reading on how to find your identity, calling, purpose, I’ve done a range of exercises on it, but it still eludes me.

I do have things that I know. For example that I am sexual, and I want that for my partners as well. I’m really not doing it just for pick up or to get them to bed, I enjoy the bed part the most so I naturally want to get the conversation there.

But I feel that I have to inhibit myself and not show how much into it I am because girls will have an anti slut defence that I have to go around, and I should navigate the whole seduction like I don’t care about how playful and exciting she is sexually.

With this girl I talked about during the lunch date, I just asked her, when she was mentioning bad dating experiences, if she is sexual. She said very and we rolled with it.

So maybe in the end I have some ideas of my identity but I simply hide them to be accepted socially? It could be that I am trying to adopt a seductive persona that I think would be effective, and I am not simply expressing my authentic charisma, in whatever form it exists.

I hope I'm not too out of line here: but what is your father doing there with you? If you are capable of doing everything on your own, I would suggest to get him out of the place asap. You're not a kid anymore, you're a man, and it's clear that a lot of the obstacles you've run into in your life come from living in the reality of your parents, long after it was time to leave the nest and tread your own path.

This is interesting because you are on point. I’d say that if I have one mental block in life it is my parents.

Practically they have never restrained me or anything, but I do think how they would feel if I decided this or that.

I think that now that I’m getting financially independent slowly I will feel it less, because until this point it was also the case that these people were basically the ones keeping me alive.

So I feel that building skills to make money, will really help with all that. Regarding lifestyle I would say this is the deciding factor, because as long as I can feel independent to finance what I do, I will feel capable enough in myself as well.

It is the reason I also went in this seduction journey. To feel capable of getting the girls I want. So I may be late a bit, who knows, but my goal in the end really is freedom. To know that if I lose a girl I can find another. To know that if I lose a job the same.

And of course the point is getting girls I want and working on things I enjoy. I have some more specific ideas about the future, but we will see, for now I want to focus on building skills in certain areas for some years.

And regarding my father, I really would prefer to be alone as well, but this time I just needed someone. My one hand is in cast and unusable, and the other is free but also traumatised and shouldn’t do heavy jobs to heal.

Just imagine that the first days picking up my phone with the good arm was painful, I was almost unable to change clothes, have a bath, couldn’t do most things at home apart from typing, without a lot of strain.

I know I said I went to dates through all that, but really this was the craziest decision ever, in case of a pull I would have honestly needed to ask the girl to undress me.

The good thing is that day by day it gets better, I can still feel some pain now, but most things start to become doable. I have a meeting for the good arm tomorrow with the doctor, and if things are going well, I won’t keep my father here for much more.

I just need to know I don’t have to rest both arms all the time. If one is fine I can make it. Gladly the other one escaped the surgery, so I will just have it in cast for about a month more.

 

[Will_V]

Edit: Philosophical post that I decided was better sent as a PM, rather than a public message.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Not a lot of news but I wanted to do an update. These last days have been slow.

At least I know where I am health wise a bit more clearly. I will need about five weeks to take the cast off and the same time for my other arm to heal fully. At least the doctor said I can do pretty much everything with the right hand as long as I don’t strain it. It is still painful but gets better every day.

In the middle of all that I wouldn’t say that seducing women has been at the forefront. I do keep in touch with some via texts, although I am not sure whether we will really meet again and under what conditions.

It’s not even only the issue with my hands but also starting the new job, which makes everything more busy. And let’s say having these things at the same time after a while of just chilling at home and doing whatever is quite a change.

I will get used to it and more organised, so I’m positive about the long term, hoping to manage to at least keep in touch with some of the girls I am talking to right now.

Of course I have the issue that pulling and going for sex in my situation is a bit hard, what I want to point out is something different though.

I have trouble understanding how to keep in touch and seduce women as a busy man. I can see it more now that I am working, and especially if I start doing things like hobbies after work as well, I find difficult to see how to fit meeting women, and having dates.

I suppose you can leave one two evenings open, but still if you approach enough and meet enough women you will have many options. I wouldn’t say I am that good yet and was still getting a bunch of dates per week before hitting my arms.

So I am wondering what is the process, especially if the girl is busy as well. Because it may happen that you won’t manage to meet for a week or two or who knows how much. And although I know that girls like men with a purpose that don’t have them as first priority, I also know that they have even more options themselves, and if you don’t move fast someone else will do and get her.

Maybe it’s about prioritising the ones who you consider best options, trying to move fast with them and then you have the rest as back up plans. All this makes even more clear to me why moving fast is important. I simply would not like to spend 2-3 dates with a girl without getting sexual, and not give my valuable time to someone else who will share some sexual experiences with me.

Just to mention that doing nothing all day didn’t make me sleep with lots of women either, I simply feel that now I may practically not be able to meet a lot of them and regularly.

I suppose I will realise soon by experience how being actually busy, and texting girls irregularly, is affecting the results when it comes to eventual meets and lays.

Until now, it doesn’t seem to be a big problem with girls I am texting that I remember them after 2-3 days, so we’ll see. I also don’t push a lot for meets at the moment, and I am not approaching much, so I wonder how I will be able to manage a bigger number of leads in the future.

For now I’ll keep healing, planning some dates and I’ll see, if I can get to sex even like this, I’ll go for it. I’m going to be getting better anyway, so all the best is in front.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I remain in quite a weird state. Not much energy/motivation for approaching, but I still tried to do some yesterday and today.

The first few felt absolutely beautiful. I think with how my situation is I had given up seeking any outcome, and I felt totally at peace. Nothin came out of them, but I was in a very good place. Really enjoying the moment and appreciating these women. Today I even approached a girl I had to run after, because she was wearing headphones and ignored me, and her reception was incredibly good, she was married, but she really lit up.

Then I saw quite an attractive girl today, and my mind went back into a mode of wanting to make it work. And after I stopped her for a compliment and she basically said thank you and wished me the best trying to get away as quickly as possible I felt destroyed.

I know that my presence was not great because I went into a thinking mode seeking for a result and pairing that with my already struggling body, it came off weak. And probably because I am feeling weak lately physically, and as a result mentally as well, due to not being able to do things I want, it hit me to my core.

The result was doing probably the messiest approach I remember after this one. I stopped the girl, telling her she looks extremely sweet, and we kept looking at each other for a bit, with me having a totally weird/cringe/borderline creepy look. I told her I know it's sudden I stopped her, she was like: " it's fine it happens a lot", and I said: "oh, ok wasn't expecting that". Then I realised how strange the vibe was and said: " Ok this is just strange, it's when you try to come off sexy, and it gets way off", to which she laughed.

Then I think I showed my hand in the cast and told her that as she can see I'm not at the best state at all. We were having some awkward silence, and I was kinda feeling she was just polite, and I was also in a pretty self-defeatist setting after the previous interaction and the beginning of this one that I said: "Well that's the point where I tell you I'd like to get to know you, and that's the point where you tell me you have a boyfriend" Before I finished she said she had a boyfriend, and then went :" No really, I'm going to him right now."

I told her it's fine, but my face had a unique mix of exhaustion, struggle and sadness, and I simply told her: " I wanted to give a compliment but my vibe is terribly off, I even forgot my painkillers earlier, and this is struggling", showing my arm. She said that no it's fine and she appreciated it, and then I asked her a bit about some of her tattoos, she told me they have no real meaning, she just liked them, and we parted ways with her telling me to get better soon.

After that I took a moment to somehow pull myself back together, and did another approach while walking home, which went fairly better, but the girl had a boyfriend and although she stayed to talk, she felt a bit distant.

Anyway I wanted to write this down to show how your vibe can change immensely both how you experience an approach, and what experience you bring to the girl. For me it all went downhill when I put importance on one approach thinking: "wow, she looks really good, I'd like to manage something with her", and her ignoring me/ rejecting me affected my currently fragile state a lot.

I have to find ways to tackle all this mentally until I get better physically, maybe by organising myself, writing down some adjusted long term goals to the situation and executing what I can, in order to not fall into depressive tendencies of doing nothing and being unable to change it.

Approach wise I should take more care of the state of my body, today I wanted to go to the toilet, and this made me a bit uneasy and tense, so it's better to go there at the job next time, if I want to approach while coming back. And in general, the less in a hurry I am, and the more comfortable and relaxed I make myself during work and in the bus, maybe even taking a short walk feeling present before the approaches, it sometimes makes me extremely attuned to feminine women.

Besides these, it seems that this whole situation will affect my interactions with girls via texting quite a lot. Some have already started not reading/not responding to my messages, and honestly I was expecting it, because I was also postponing some dates, and wasn't very consistent and specific with my communication these last days. The start of the job was an extra issue because I don't really have my mind in them when working, and then I go home, and may do other stuff, forget, or it gets late and I feel weird to text. Anyway all these will get better with time as I am getting used to my schedule and I am healing, it is a bit sad though, when you miss girls you could have a chance with.

To close on a more positive note, I do have a date for food with a girl on Friday. That said it is a pretty strange one, this girl is way older, and she also rejected my kiss when I tried at the end of the first date. We were having some discussion about showing intentions, and not getting friendzoned at some point during the first date, so I wanted to make a move even though I wasn't getting any sign she was ready, just to establish the frame.

When I texted her after that, and proposed to meet again to relive the special vibe we had, she was into it very fast, and even gave me different options after telling me she was busy on my initial proposal date. So I'm not even sure what exactly she may want out of this, we did have a nice vibe the first time, but the ending was kinda awkward with the rejected kiss. I wonder if she feels that now I know it's not getting sexual between us and we can just be friends, or if there is something else.

Anyway, I wanted to go and meet her again out of curiosity as well of how things will eventually go. With how I am right now I also don't mind taking it a bit slower, since I am not at my fittest to go for sex, that said I of course have it in mind and move towards it.

We'll see, last time I met again with a girl that rejected my kiss, she came to my place, rejected it again, we had a friendly evening, and I simply didn't feel like proposing anything else after that. I'm trying to not lose all hope for second dates though. As I have said many times probably, they never worked for me, but I know they can, so I want to be giving them some chances if the girls are up for them.

 

[Will_V]

@ChrisXKiss well done continuing to get out there despite the casts!

I remain in quite a weird state. Not much energy/motivation for approaching, but I still tried to do some yesterday and today.

The first few felt absolutely beautiful. I think with how my situation is I had given up seeking any outcome, and I felt totally at peace. Nothin came out of them, but I was in a very good place. Really enjoying the moment and appreciating these women. Today I even approached a girl I had to run after, because she was wearing headphones and ignored me, and her reception was incredibly good, she was married, but she really lit up.

Then I saw quite an attractive girl today, and my mind went back into a mode of wanting to make it work. And after I stopped her for a compliment and she basically said thank you and wished me the best trying to get away as quickly as possible I felt destroyed.

What seems to happen here is that when you go into an approach with no objective, you enjoy yourself, but as soon as you think about it as a seduction with an end goal, your mind starts leaping ahead and you start worrying about how the whole thing is going to work out.

What I suggest here instead is to focus on one thing that you want to improve intentionally, and letting the rest of the interaction be just about enjoying yourself in the moment.

So let's say you want to focus on initiating touch. You go up and have a good time, and meanwhile just keep your attention open to opportunities to touch her - e.g. touch her arm as you make a point, or glance to see if she has jewellery or tattoos you can touch and show interest in.

What's also great is to write out a basic script of how you'd like a seduction to go from beginning to end, and then focus on consistently hitting the next step for X number of approaches. So for example the very basic script might be:

1. Approach
2. Give compliment
3. Ask her what she's doing
4. Ask her what she likes doing for fun
5. Qualify her
6. Get the number
7. Take your leave

This way, you have a sense of inevitable progression, even if you're taking e.g. 3 approaches per step, you're still advancing through those steps slowly.

So at first you might say "I'm going to just enjoy meeting girls today AND giving a compliment" or "I'm going to just enjoy meeting girls today AND at some point ask what she likes doing for fun". And when you do the thing you've decided to do, make sure to impress on your mind that it's a win - you set out to do X and you did X.

This way you get to have your cake and eat it too - you can mostly just enjoy the moment and have fun, but then you have a small amount of intention and focus that's easily achievable, and you're also progressing through the whole approach structure, even if it's across many different approaches where you're only focusing on one step. And then you can develop that over time into having more and more intention while still enjoying the moment.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

@ChrisXKiss well done continuing to get out there despite the casts!



What seems to happen here is that when you go into an approach with no objective, you enjoy yourself, but as soon as you think about it as a seduction with an end goal, your mind starts leaping ahead and you start worrying about how the whole thing is going to work out.

What I suggest here instead is to focus on one thing that you want to improve intentionally, and letting the rest of the interaction be just about enjoying yourself in the moment.

So let's say you want to focus on initiating touch. You go up and have a good time, and meanwhile just keep your attention open to opportunities to touch her - e.g. touch her arm as you make a point, or glance to see if she has jewellery or tattoos you can touch and show interest in.

What's also great is to write out a basic script of how you'd like a seduction to go from beginning to end, and then focus on consistently hitting the next step for X number of approaches. So for example the very basic script might be:

1. Approach
2. Give compliment
3. Ask her what she's doing
4. Ask her what she likes doing for fun
5. Qualify her
6. Get the number
7. Take your leave

This way, you have a sense of inevitable progression, even if you're taking e.g. 3 approaches per step, you're still advancing through those steps slowly.

So at first you might say "I'm going to just enjoy meeting girls today AND giving a compliment" or "I'm going to just enjoy meeting girls today AND at some point ask what she likes doing for fun". And when you do the thing you've decided to do, make sure to impress on your mind that it's a win - you set out to do X and you did X.

This way you get to have your cake and eat it too - you can mostly just enjoy the moment and have fun, but then you have a small amount of intention and focus that's easily achievable, and you're also progressing through the whole approach structure, even if it's across many different approaches where you're only focusing on one step. And then you can develop that over time into having more and more intention while still enjoying the moment.

Yeah you have a good point. There was a period where I was more focused on this step by step process. Then I reached a point where I would do most of these things anyway, if the girl stayed to listen to them at least.

I feel my biggest issue right now, apart from having the right masculine vibe during the approach is how to connect all these things in a smooth way. Because sometimes it feels like there is an awkward pause, and I may go: So, what's your general vibe, what do you do for fun, you look very at peace with yourself sitting here.

So I will generally say these things, or know that I have to ask what she is up to and qualify her, but they come off weakly, a bit like I really want to say them before she leaves, or like I am trying to force a connection . Of course there are both the situations that the vibe may flow very well with a girl right away, but I am talking more about the majority of the interactions, where the girl is still pretty unsure about you on the approach, hasn't really rejected you, but is not that hooked either.

I am saying these, because right now focusing just on doing one of the things will probably not feel like a win, because given the chance I normally do them in one way or another. Unless I am in a pretty bad state like yesterday, where I threw away all structure, at such situation I simply should focus on doing one thing after the other no matter what, and feel good I followed the next step of the process anyway.

What I feel that could help me to take my mind away from the result of the seduction more now is focusing on the delivery. Giving a sincere compliment slowly, being more relaxed in myself and curiously asking what she is doing, giving her time to answer, and following more smoothly with the question about what she enjoys doing, and honestly paying attention and qualifying her, before I ask to exchange numbers because of that to meet again for a drink.

So I think for me the part of : "I'm gonna enjoy meeting girls today" is the most important. The basic structure I have it mind and the times I feel bad not following it are when a girl may leave very fast, or after a silence, and I realise I was trying to give her some space and not rush through the process, but probably I miscalculated.

And in the end I really feel a lot is based on your fundamentals, the way you open, and the first few seconds, how you stand, talk, your microexpressions. There were times I could even tell at which weird microexpression of mine the girl went: no I'm out. And I feel it's immensely difficult to control them consciously all the time. That's why in this last post I focused on how to take care of my body and mind in order to be more at peace and present. Feeling that if I focus on that, my interactions will naturally be better, and the delivery of the process will be smoother.

One thing I could look into technically is how to qualify effectively, maybe create some stock responses for similar scenarios. Like if she is into travelling qualifying her on being adventurous and open minded, if she is working as nurse on being patient and caring, if she is doing art again that she is in touch with her emotional world and creative.

And in general I think I lack written down material in my whole game, I have the whole structure in mind and then I kinda have certain things I say, or stories I tell more or less, but I should organise it more, to be more effective in recurring scenarios.

So yeah, these are things to do, and maybe sit and focus on specific things to work on, because I read and watch about a wide range of stuff and it feels overwhelming. I need more of a step by step process knowing that by following it I will be getting gradually better for sure.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I’ve had some interesting experiences these last days. Firstly I took 3-4 numbers by approaches, that I am planning to contact today, without doing that many, so I feel something is going well there. I’m probably paying more attention to my vibe being warm, and some girls are at least intrigued.

I also got a number by leaving a hand written note. I was entering a train yesterday when I saw a girl sitting few seats after mine. I felt something immediately, she was with a friend, I was going to meet another date, so I just decided to write on a tissue how I felt she looked, that she was shining and had a mix of classy elegance and free flowing feminine energy, and that I ask nothing, just of her to keep brightening up the world. Some minutes later she came back with another tissue and told me it was her answer. I opened it and she was thanking me, also giving her number.

I also had a full day date from a dating app yesterday. We went by train and kinda walked/hiked around in some cute village. Interesting experience.

Just for context the girl was cute, a bit chubby, but I am not expecting much more from dating apps anyway. Funny thing is she told me she also had multiple offers for the same day, and I even saw a guy she texted, who looked extremely built with full bad boy energy. It makes me realise how many options these girls have online and how low in their preference list I probably am.

Anyway, she came because she told me she liked my energy from the messages right away. She had a pretty interesting story, long story short she is brazilian, grew up extremely religious her whole life, and few months ago she decided to take a divorce and to travel for some time to turn a new more free page in her life.

She is 29 and told me I was her third lifetime date and that basically her religion was prohibiting dating after divorce, and she was supposed to either stay forever in that marriage that wasn’t working, or get out and be alone forever. And she wanted to break out of all that and explore herself including dating.

She told me that she generally needs more time to get attracted and doesn’t kiss or hold hands the first time she meets someone. Eventually we kissed multiple times and she even held my hand by herself. I also told her I’d like us to spend more time together, but she wasn’t open to going back to her place, and basically she didn’t want to go that far, which I felt wasn’t worth pushing.

She is leaving next week and I am not sure if we find time to meet again. We agreed to make no promises about the future, we both enjoyed the time, but I guess my issue is that I come of so nice and boyfriendy that she even told me she could imagine her whole life with someone like me.

And I feel this is a general issue I have, if I talk with a girl a lot, I can connect with her deeply, which makes her feel that this is going to be something much more between us. If girl is interested in a relationship she will get really into me, and if not she will either treat me as a friend or simply disengage. I believe I also give these vibes straight away from the approach.

The thing is that I really want to connect deeply with these women, not to get with them long term, but because I believe in the power of a strong connection no matter how much it lasts. And the sex for me is the ultimate way to become one, show them my appreciation, and truly take care of them. So it is a vital part of this connection, without our interaction needing to lead to something more, like us being together as a couple, exclusive or anything else.

Maybe this view is extremely flawed and cannot be realised practically, but I do mean it. As long as with a woman we can experience this when together, and we can be fully present in the moment the two of us create, I don’t mind what happens outside of that.

And the issue is that although this is what I want to be living, the fact that I can connect deeply a lot of time without sex makes it lacking, since as I said I find the sexual connection to be the ultimate one.

I am not sure which way to take my approach really. I have also tried leading much more with sex, and then the opposite problem appears that I don’t connect enough. A girl told me some days ago that in the first date she felt I didn’t care a lot about others, while in the second I gave totally different impression, and I know that in the first one I was more focused on sex while in the second one on connecting. Neither of the two led to anything sexual.

And I wouldn’t say that I get conpletely non sexual when I connect, I may still talk about sex, even use some innuendos, but I suppose my vibe is way more chill and not seeking sex. In the end I probably just need to increase my base sexiness. I feel that when I relax I kinda lose all of it, like it’s a different mode my body works in, and then when I go for a sexual move it feels out of place. And it’s not that I try things just to get to sex a lot of times, I simply consider it the natural progression of the connection between a man and a woman, but I suppose I am generally unable to make the women that are with me feel the same.

I’d like to point some specific things that happened during the date and felt interesting. One was that as some point we met a random guy while filling our bottles with water, and he asked to join us. I basically shrugged, and after finishing the water he asked again, I shrugged again and then the girl told him that she is sorry but we are on a date and we would like to be together. Then she said she would like to go to a toilet and told me to come with her. She said to me that it’s more polite for the girl to give this rejection, and I told her that it’s fine, I know she is trying to meet people to expand her horizons, so I felt she may want it. She then told me yeah, but not with him, and that we are together today and she enjoys my company, to which I told her that’s good. I felt a bit stupid after all that.

Also before parting ways, we were kissing in the train and she said that if we were dating she would make me cut my beard, she had also told me earlier she prefers the beard very short. I said : oh really?, and she said: and you would obey me. To this I answered: I wouldn’t, and I felt a sudden increase of excitement in the air, she said: so you would be a rebel, I said yes, and we kissed passionately. I found this fascinating, because it came very suddenly when everything was going well, and we were kissing almost ready to say goodbye.

All in all, I’ve been focused on treating all girls as similarly as I can, I need some time to really get there, and I feel my general vibe is getting a bit better. If I somehow manage to get myself to be a bit more sexy as well, while remaining warm, I feel a lot of things will start coming together.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I have been thinking a bit these last hours, about this date and all the others I’ve had lately. And one thing I notice is that I am generally very direct and open.

What I mean is that I will compliment women from the beginning of the interaction and clearly show them that I want to get to know them. And then I will move things forward by understanding them, qualifying them, and basically showing them I like them and desire sex.

And all these things are honest, I generally feel something about these women and even if I give a compliment that sounds deep I am not just saying it to say it, I mean it. I do feel though that a lot of times all this comes off like I am trying to work my way towards sex.

And as I said, sex is indeed the next step, if I like the woman and feel the energy, I somehow naturally think that’s where things will lead to, and since I have approved of the woman I think that she will have approved of me too and that’s the next step. Obviously it doesn’t work like that.

And for me it’s not so much that I want to reach sex because I am desperate, yes I view it as a goal when it comes to seduction, but in the end I go for it because it’s obvious, I have an attractive woman in front of me, what else would I want from her, isn’t sex the ultimate way to connect and have pleasure?

What I seem to not realise is that for women it’s not as simple as that, and they need to feel safe and also to feel the reason to have sex with this guy and not the other, since everyone is throwing themselves at them.

For me it is simple, I would have with her and her and her, I love all of them, they are so cute. But for the girl it won’t work like this, and my approach to them makes me look too eager, that I want it a lot and really try for it.

When I focus more on getting there it is of course way more obvious and a woman needs to be into me a lot to even start considering it. When I am not focusing on it that much, I may get more windows from interested women, but then if I start acting on them I will again be quite direct showing them my desire, which slowly overwhelms them.

I think that’s what happened with the girl in this last date as well. Because of her story, and knowing she is extremely inexperienced, I never really made a move on her, she basically told me at some point that I can kiss her, and she even held my hand first. As the time passed though I kept telling her how I felt about this date, what I appreciated about her, and it was all honest, but all very much approving of her as well. So I feel by the end, when I did want to kiss her and made clear moves, she started feeling subconsciously that I like her too much, and went into testing and trying to take control.

And that’s something that happens to me a lot. In general I am trying to understand the views and situations of all these women I go out with and find the beauty in whatever they experience. Long story short I am too understanding and not challenging enough. And clearly it doesn’t work.

One reason for this is probably exactly the fact that at some point I started trying to accept all girls for whatever they are going through, because I felt that I was too judgemental. For example in the past I got into a heated argument with a girl about eating meat or not and now I would just tell her to do whatever she feels like and I do whatever I feel like as there is no clear right or wrong.

I could also look into whether I am really trying to be good just to get girls to like me and give sex, but I’d say that in my life in general I am trying to be understanding and connecting with people, feeling no reason to challenge them as they are free to do what they want, so it’s not only something with girls I like.

So we end up in the beginning point, that when I notice the hot girl, my thought is to simply connect and have sex. I love what she makes me feel, and I consider it a gift giving this back to her, by understanding her and giving her pleasure.

Maybe I could even make this work, if I stopped being focused so much on having to reach sex, and simply appreciated the moments with the girl, directing my sexual energy towards her, and capitalising in all the windows I would be getting.

Because one big thing is how you begin the interaction and if you will even be given the chance to stay in more, which I have to work on. The other part though is how to approach the situation when you are both together focused on one another, and I feel I should probably be less focused on sex there, and just trust that if the energy of the interaction is right, and I do make proposals and move things forward, I will get the windows to jump through.

As a conclusion, I want to say that it will be important to also figure out exactly what I like and want and what I don’t. Both for longer term relationships and casual partners. Because just a girl being extremely hot shouldn’t be enough, and it really isn’t, but my problem right now is I am evaluating most girls as potential sex partners, and if they are at least a bit cute they pass, so I have nothing to really challenge them on.

 

[gameboy]

It makes me realise how many options these girls have online and how low in their preference list I probably am.

That's a limiting belief. She met you, and not some other guy. I don't know why, but there was a reason for that for sure!

Anyway, she came because she told me she liked my energy from the messages right away.

There you go!

Firstly I took 3-4 numbers by approaches, that I am planning to contact today, without doing that many, so I feel something is going well there. I’m probably paying more attention to my vibe being warm, and some girls are at least intrigued.

I also got a number by leaving a hand written note.

Pretty cool, I assume you are still with the cast and all? Awesome man!

I guess my issue is that I come of so nice and boyfriendy that she even told me she could imagine her whole life with someone like me.

I think you've written that several times now, that you're worried about coming off like a boyfriend. Did you encounter the issue yet that you had sex with a girl and she wanted you to be her boyfriend and you didn't?

Becuase I think you're putting the cart before the horse here. In order to be "boyfriended", you gotta have sex with the girl first, and more than once. Otherwise it's just the dreaded friend zone. Which you're clearly not in if you're making out with the girl.

I'm not sure how to phrase it better because I don't know what exactly you're worried about, but my intuition tells me you're worrying about a non-issue here.

One was that as some point we met a random guy while filling our bottles with water, and he asked to join us. I basically shrugged, and after finishing the water he asked again, I shrugged again and then the girl told him that she is sorry but we are on a date and we would like to be together.

Wow, what a weirdo, trying to join a couple. Cool way of handling the situation

To this I answered: I wouldn’t,

Nice!

This made me wonder, are you actually teasing your girls? Maybe that's what's missing, and makes you feel you're being too friendly. If you make it "too easy" for the girls they might get bored quick.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

That's a limiting belief. She met you, and not some other guy. I don't know why, but there was a reason for that for sure!

Yeah I agree here. I mostly meant in general, because I rarely get even matches from apps, so I think I am at the very bottom of attractiveness profile wise.

Pretty cool, I assume you are still with the cast and all? Awesome man!

Yeah I am. Was a bit funny during the date, she was helping me a lot to put on my bag, and some of the sitting positions to hug were not very comfortable haha

I think you've written that several times now, that you're worried about coming off like a boyfriend. Did you encounter the issue yet that you had sex with a girl and she wanted you to be her boyfriend and you didn't?

Becuase I think you're putting the cart before the horse here. In order to be "boyfriended", you gotta have sex with the girl first, and more than once. Otherwise it's just the dreaded friend zone. Which you're clearly not in if you're making out with the girl.

I'm not sure how to phrase it better because I don't know what exactly you're worried about, but my intuition tells me you're worrying about a non-issue here.

You may have a point here. I am not thinking of it as friendzone, because for me it doesn’t really exist through cold approach. Even if I keep meeting a girl she kinda knows I will try to make moves on her every time, although generally I won’t keep meeting a lot if we are clearly not going towards sex.

When it comes to after sex is a whole other world that I have not managed to explore yet. What I mean with the boyfriend thing though, is that these girls don’t see me as the lover guy they would have sex fast but more as the safer guy they would evaluate as a boyfriend.

But it is possible some of them are just friend zoning me, which surely wasn’t the case in this one. I just can’t help it sometimes, and I think that the girl leaves our date all happy about the sweet time we passed and then the same or the next day she meets some ultra masculine guy that ravages her while I am staying satisfied with our few kisses. Basically I feel I wasn’t lover enough to give her the full experience myself.

This made me wonder, are you actually teasing your girls? Maybe that's what's missing, and makes you feel you're being too friendly. If you make it "too easy" for the girls they might get bored quick.

Yeah I do think I am not doing it enough. I had a period I was doing it more, it started feeling it was try hard or too much, so I tried to be more real with the girls. Maybe in the process I abandoned it too much.

Take a look at my other post as well if you feel like it, I think I realised something similar, that I am not challenging enough and at some points I do compliment too much.