Diary of an explorer

[gameboy]

I mostly meant in general, because I rarely get even matches from apps, so I think I am at the very bottom of attractiveness profile wise.

Ahh ok you were talking about apps, ok I get it. I never get matches on apps and especially not with attractive girls (I think I had 2 or 3 trans people though). Deleted the last dating app from my phone last week lol.

But yeah, on apps I think it's true girls have lots of other options. I never really tried to optimize my pics there, just took the ones I had.

Take a look at my other post as well if you feel like it, I think I realised something similar

Yeah I've read it, but I didn't feel like I have much to add.

Certainly it's good to know what you want. I know I want a long-term partner in the long run. Can be an open or traditional relationship. While I'm looking for her (and maybe even after), it would be great to sample a few hot girls of various flavors, ideally of the younger kind (which for me would mean in their 20s or early 30s).

How about you?

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Yeah I've read it, but I didn't feel like I have much to add.

Yeah just wanted to say you are probably on point with what you said about not teasing enough.

How about you?

Eventually I feel I would want a relationship with one woman, probably a family as well, but these are things that I am thinking for 10 years in the future, so who knows what exactly I will want then.

My idea right now is to build my skills to be able to seduce the women I like the most, so that when this time comes that want to settle down I will be able to do it with someone I have truly chosen.

So at this point getting into a relationship, especially exclusive and long term feels strange, unless I happen to find an incredible woman that simply makes me feel I don’t care if we end up even together forever.

At the same time I am not really sure about non-monogamous relationships. I don’t mind if I meet girls sleep with them and then they meet other people, but I can’t really feel it as a relationship if it makes sense. It’s more like meeting from time to time with someone I care about and have sex.

So in the end I feel I want sex with more and hotter girls, and at the same time to be able to keep some of them coming back.

Deep inside I feel I do see all of it as training in order to be ready to be with my dream girls at some point long term. I don’t seem to be able to do it now, so I find no reason to go monogamous with any other woman, and at the same time there are so many girls out there that I would love to enjoy sexually and as people just not in a relationship format.

It really is what I described in the other post, I see them all as girls I can offer an incredible time to, for as long as it lasts and then let them go and continue with their lives, their partners or anything else they desire.

 

[Higher]

Not sure if i recommended it already, but did u check 60 years of challenges material? Especially Fearless Relentless Escalation, Simply Start Sex, Relationship Roulette, and Secrets of Microescalations.

Im pretty sure itll give u many cues on what to work on.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Just received a text from a girl telling me our date was a nice time, but she didn’t feel anything else. She also told me I probably felt the same.

And she is not wrong, but it’s the third time lately I came out of a date feeling the same.

The thing is I have been trying to take it more relaxed and not go full on for sex to not seem like I am pressing for it. I was willing to give them space, I also knew that due to my hand pulling was difficult so I decided not to escalate and leave things in the middle.

The result has been a bunch of dates with good conversation, really spending a lot of time together, but nothing else. And the problem is I honestly thought I was giving them what they wanted by being more chill, connecting and not moving towards sex right away.

In this specific date she even told me she didn’t realise how fast the time passed with me. And I was thinking that alright at least we can get a second date and move things forward.

I was just thinkintake my mind off sex for a bit, and maybe I will be coming off more natural and less pushy, but in the end I am just having nice conversations to nowhere.

I honestly feel I should be much more openly playful and sexual. The only reason I have tried to become less of that is to decrease antislut defence, and autorejection due to lack of comfort, but this thing is getting too much at this point.

In other news I took the number of a girl waiting for the tram but not sure if she will respond. It was a bit sloppy, especially the endbecause she was leaving and I asked for her name, she told me I would see it on whatsapp or something and I told her mine.

I also realised that now that I am working I have to find high value ways to convey it, she asked me if I am enjoying it because I also asked her and I realised I was too used to be unemployed that I didn’t know what to say and had to think about it.

Anyway, it’s not all that bad, this was one of my two approaches of the day, and I got a number straight away, as I said in the last post something is going right, but at the same time it feels that in my dates something goes terribly wrong.

I mean I haven’t even been writing field reports about them, because I haven’t been trying to get something out of them lately, I had a vibe of let’s relax enjoy and see what we get, but it clearly doesn’t work.

Thanks for the recommendation @Higher. I have seen some of his material, but I will take a better look, and will check the ones you mentioned.

I may be having some more dates this week, so at least let’s see how they will go. The only problem is that now I feel some pressure for myself to do things right and have them be sexually charged.

 

[gameboy]

Have you considered to just be friends with some of the girls if you're not feeling it? Or do you think they wouldn't be up for that?

I've had female friends and even ex-FBs introduce me to other girls who I then banged. Can be pretty cool actually. Or you go out with them and have instant social proof.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Have you considered to just be friends with some of the girls if you're not feeling it? Or do you think they wouldn't be up for that?

I've had female friends and even ex-FBs introduce me to other girls who I then banged. Can be pretty cool actually. Or you go out with them and have instant social proof.

I feel that through cold approach it would be difficult with most of them. Sometimes if I like them sexually enough I just don’t see the point, I know I will be be trying to hit on them every time we meet. Other times they don’t even request it, I think I basically don’t come off as some that would be their friend really, they know why I approached them.

Last thing is practical. I wouldn’t say I have much time meeting girls as friends one on one. If they invited me to some party of theirs or whatever sure why not, but it’s not gonna happen after a date, and with most of them I am not really interested to invest time for something like that eventually. Maybe if we really hit it off and I wasn’t feeling that much sexual spark at the same time.

I’ve had female friends from social circles mostly, that said I can’t say I ever had them introduce me to anyone. I guess you may naturally meet some of their other friends, although I’d say a lot of them were more the types that hang out with guys.

Sometimes I even feel that since we are friends they probably consider me unfuckable so why pass me on to their friends? Like wouldn’t they want me for themselves?

Maybe they are limiting beliefs, but I’ve never really had a girl obviously introduce me to another one, unless we mean general social circle where you happen to meet friends of friends.

And I was never good at this kind of social circle game honestly. Even if I meet a girl where the interest is there, the isolation and asking out parts are not very straightforward for me.

So it would be possible, that I’ve had situations where I met girls through friends and never managed to materialise anything, even though they were into it.

This is something I should improve, because although I like cold approach I feel a bit crippled sexually when in social circles or in friend groups. I know that if a circle is involved, probably nothing will happen, because nothing has ever happened really.

There is also a case to be made about not wanting to get sexually involved with friends of people who know me, because I don’t want all the complications about what they’ll say regarding me.

All in all, nothing against female friends, I love them, it simply hasn’t helped me thus far, so I’d say I don’t see them as a way to get more girls. Even for preselection purposes, I have felt it but still didn’t lead anywhere. I have been the type of person that if I am out with someone I’ll stay with them and not really approach out of respect to their time. It is kinda funny and frustrating though when you are out with a girl and you see others hover around or give signs of interest, and you think: now you decide to do it that I am with someone else, when I am alone you shut me down left and right lol

 

[gameboy]

when you are out with a girl and you see others hover around or give signs of interest, and you think: now you decide to do it that I am with someone else, when I am alone you shut me down left and right lol

Yepp... that's what they do, haha! It's especially annoying when you have a girlfriend

Anyway, was just a thought I wanted to shoot your way. If that's not your thing, I think you're doing fine regardless.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Yepp... that's what they do, haha! It's especially annoying when you have a girlfriend

Anyway, was just a thought I wanted to shoot your way. If that's not your thing, I think you're doing fine regardless.

Yeah it’s not that I would say no to it, or to any other way to get girls really. Maybe the reputation management is the one I mostly don’t like in this scenario.

The rest are things I should improve anyway, because I have to be interacting with groups, I can’t always talk to lonely women, seduce them and then continue with my life. Doesn’t seem sustainable.

I feel it still has to do with how I view myself and my life though. If I am content I will be able to communicate from a place of abundance and non-neediness with anyone.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I had a big company party yesterday, and it made me realise some things regarding where I am at.

What I have seen lately and felt again yesterday is that in these kind of scenarios, whether in a busy street with lots of women, a night venue, or some social circle event, the first thing that happens is that I notice all the hot women around, I feel interested in them and at the same time realise they are not that special really.

For example maybe one is tall but her face is kinda average, the other is dressed amazingly but has tons of make up, the third is very cute but kinda short, and the last one screams hotness but is full of plastic surgeries. Not saying that I wouldn’t like all of them sexually, I would, and there are women I surely see and like a lot.

What I mean is that I can recognise that even appearance wise, they are not perfect and unique. I could go to another event, another party, another street and find a lot more like them.

There is an article on the site about small and big scarcity, mentioning that to really feel abundant you should have perspective and exposure. And I feel that based on what I described, my perspective part is at a very good point. Meaning I don’t see these girls as extra special. The problem is my exposure.

Because what happens after I notice these girls is that I spend time in the environment, and slowly the feelings of scarcity start to get bigger. The reason is that I realise that yes these girls are like other hot girls, but if I cannot get them, it doesn’t really matter. It’s not that I will go to find others tomorrow and get them. So I realise that yes they are all very abundant and exist everywhere, but in reality for me they are scarce.

As the time passes and I feel I cannot get these very hot girls, things get worse. I will start feeling that ok, maybe I can at least get some girls that are less cute, and I start realising that even this isn’t straightforward, so I start feeling scarcity for them as well. Like an avalanche I end up feeling scarcity for any cute woman that would have sex with me, and sometimes at that stage I get interest by certain girls that would be my last choices, and I feel extremely bad and don’t reciprocate, because I know I would just do it, due to being unable to get anyone else.

And to be honest I do feel that all this starts affecting me during approaches and interactions as well. It’s difficult to stay positive and confident when approaching and talking to these girls, knowing that basically all of the similar ones have rejected me in the past. And I mean rejected in the sense of not even talking, or engaging with me sometimes.

I still go and approach, which gives me the freedom to talk to anyone, that said sometimes it really feels like I am just putting myself out there to gather more rejections. I do get some numbers, and some dates, sure, that said knowing that it’s almost never with the girls I would like, makes my vibe when I approach them again even worse.

I’m doing my best to stay in a good mood, and approach as well as I can. I’ve also been going up to all kinds of girls, all kinds of ages, styles, , in different environments. I have also seen them with boyfriends, so I know it’s not only about looks, height, race or whatever. I fully believe I could get extremely beautiful women, taller than me and from anywhere, so not doing it, hurts even more.

The conclusion I want to arrive at is that I really lack the exposure part or whatever eventually makes the woman want to sleep with you. I understand they are very sexual and want to feel like little girls with the right guy, I just seem to not be managing to be that guy.

I guess I should focus first on succeeding more with the girls that like me and agree to meet me anyway. At least this will improve my general abundance.

Specifically for the abundance regarding the most beautiful ones, I’m not even sure. The difficult part with them is that they kinda don’t even stop to talk, or seem interested in a conversation. It’s not that I have time to run some game, they rarely feel receptive. Sometimes I wonder if it’s my approach that’s extremely off putting or my fundamentals are simply that bad.

I have to consider some steps to take from now on, maybe regarding how I come off in general. Sometimes I have realised that I am not that smooth even deliberately.

For example I was sending a voice message yesterday and felt that the way I was talking was very smooth and relaxed, so I tried to humanize it a bit and it came off pretty jittery in the end.

Another girl also told me I sound different in the voice messages, like I am more relaxed and confident in person than when I send them, and it’s not totally wrong. I try to really make them sound good and maybe it becomes too manufactured

I should just start communicating more naturally. Not sure what has been happening lately, it feels like I have to prove something in every conversation, I think it has to do with general life satisfaction.

So I have to sit down, and figure out where towards I want to take my life, how I want to be presenting myself and what people and women I want.

It’s been a stressful period with my hands and just starting the new job. My schedule has been all over the place, sleeping and eating patterns changed, free time during the day also, so I should organise myself as we finish the summer.

And also game wise, starting to approach things in a bit more structured way. Again not that easy to run a seduction if the girl is not even hooking, but that’s not my only issue for sure, or I’d be sleeping with a bunch of the girls I take out to dates.

Specifically regarding that I’m thinking of being way more sexually playful when I get the next ones and see how it can go.

And maybe, I should start having this energy in general day to day. I’m a bit afraid how it would be for work, but I don’t need to do anything there really, simply try to stay at a seductive state as much as possible to get myself used to it.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Some pretty weird days these last ones seduction wise for me. I've had some good approaches that I got numbers, but then very little responsiveness after the icebreaker. I've been trying to improvise a bit with texting, and test how some interactions that didn't look solid could go, but it didn't help either. Maybe there is something about my texting timing, I'm trying to figure it about, because I get these very warm icebreaker responses and then nothing.

Also dating wise I am at rock bottom. I went to another one that was just friendly, and I can basically feel it at this point that although they tell me they enjoy it and even thank me, they won't see me again. I have been trying to be a bit more relaxed, and feel less pressuring for sex, thinking I was going too fast in the past and losing girls due to that. But it is even worse now, there is just nothing sexual there. So I am gonna go back to what I was trying before, aiming for first date sex no matter what.

What is more, I screwed up a date I would have had yesterday. A lot of miscommunication. The girl told me she was coming to the city, I told her to come close to my place, then she said she was in the city centre and sent me a location to go to. I told her it is a bit far, I don't like to rush and if she can wait I'll go. She agreed so I went washed myself a bit and put clothes on, not things I can do fast anyway due to my arms, then went out, took a train, and I probably arrived an hour later.

Texted her, she told me she waited for so long, and I could have come faster, I told her I have an issue with my arm and couldn't do much faster and I believe she waited and it's fine we can meet another time. Then she said she thinks there won't be another time, and I told her it's fine, I should have told her how long it would take me, and I'd like to see her, but it's up to her. Wasn't very enthusiastic about the whole thing anyway, getting me to go downtown, and she didn't speak english so all the communication was a hustle, anyway I went around the city to do some approaches after that.

Also dating wise I am at rock bottom. I went to another one that was just friendly, and I can basically feel it at this point that although they tell me they enjoy it and even thank me, they won't see me again. I have been trying to be a bit more relaxed, and feel less pressuring for sex, thinking I was going too fast in the past and losing girls due to that. But it is even worse now, there is just nothing sexual there. So I am gonna go back to what I was trying before, aiming for first date sex no matter what.

One good thing I can notice is that I am more free of outcome in my approaches, and handle rejections better. I went out last night and was rejected many times almost instantly but I kept my cool and didn't get reactive, immediately moving on and going to up to a different girl.

I literally stopped to open one with her friend standing on the pavement, they basically moved away almost immediately to not talk to me, so I went to an even hotter girl nearby I noticed, and told her I was just rejected harshly, and I thought I'd come and talk to her now. Not the best thing game wise but I really wanted to walk into the tension. She couldn't understand, showed me the other girls, and asked me if I think they are bad, so I told her no, they are lovely, and she is lovely too, that's why I came to her after them. She told me she was waiting for her boyfriend, it didn't seem an excuse the way she phrased it, but anyway, I left still calm inside, while noticing that she approached the other two girls to talk about me.

I had some interactions with girls with boyfriends that were nice as well. Some stops that the girls were quite friendly and happy, and we talked for a minute or two. It was nice because it kept me a bit out of the needy mode of just wanting to find a girl for sex, and I was a bit more social, basically treating the people that were rejecting me right away as weird.

The funniest one though was for sure a girl that was just chilling up on some elevated area in the middle of the pavement at night, I stopped to open, we talked for a bit, and then she called a friend that was going to meet her and he came. The guy literally saw me and told me goodbye, and went between us with his back on me. I put my arm on his shoulder told him; hey my friend, nice to meet you, and he turned, said: yeah, now you are leaving, and showed me his back again.

I was kinda amused by the whole thing, tried to keep myself calm because as my hand indicates I sometimes overreact to stuff like that. I kinda thought in the beginning to find a way to tool him, but he was her friend, they started talking in their language, and she clearly wasn't that much into me. So I simply didn't move an inch, I was already resting against a column so I stayed there, and I started looking behind his back and head, straight at the girl. In a bit they decided to go, she came down from where she was sitting, I opened my phone in the whatsapp contacts and presented it to her still not moving at all. She said no and left, the guy also made an expression of wtf so weird, but I was extremely chill really and I liked that.

So I kinda like the vibe I'm having these last days, even the approaches that worked really did seem to have worked well, but I'm having quite some issues with texting after that, and even bigger ones with the dates. I was also reading a number of comments people have made on my posts and recommendations and I feel what I really lack is the sexual energy in my interactions. I have to somehow manage to get more into a sexual state when out with a girl, and really make my whole body emanate that, because honestly in these last dates I doubt even if I became horny at all.

I will keep going, things go up and down, my hands are getting better, at least I can do many things now with the right one, so we have good things in front. Small bad thing, I think I caught some sinus infection, maybe from a guy coughing in the office , but this will pass as well.

 

[gameboy]

My friend, you really need to work on your calibration. What you are doing is borderline creepy. Actually, it is creepy.

I literally stopped to open one with her friend standing on the pavement, they basically moved away almost immediately to not talk to me,

2-sets are always hard. Especially at night. Did you actually say anything to them?

and told her I was just rejected harshly,

That's really bad. Negative preselection. No wonder she reacted like she did.

they are lovely, and she is lovely too, that's why I came to her after them

Not good either. It sounds like you'll just talk to any girl who will let you.

I stopped to open, we talked for a bit, and then she called a friend that was going to meet her and he came. The guy literally saw me and told me goodbye, and went between us with his back on me.

Wow... she probably called him because she was scared or something.

You really need to work on that vibe. You almost got beat up once. Aren't you worried about getting a bad reputation or something? I don't know how big your city is, but if you keep going around getting in situations like that... one day someone might even call the police on you.

I mean, you must be doing something right, because you are getting numbers and dates. But apparently sometimes you just scare the girls off. From your reports I really can't say what it is though. Maybe you can post some more detailled FRs or journal entries about the dialogues you're having?

Also, why are you doing street game at night? Girls are much more easily scared at night. I never game at night for that particular reason. It's hard enough during the day lol.

EDIT: I hope this doesn't sound to harsh. I actually admire you for continuing to game with your arm in a cast. Maybe it's my age, but myself I'd be a lot more cautious after such an experience.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

2-sets are always hard. Especially at night. Did you actually say anything to them?

Yeah, I think I gave a compliment to one, then she said thanks, and turned to face her friend, so I went to ask what they are up to, and at that point they gave each other a look and started moving away.

That's really bad. Negative preselection. No wonder she reacted like she did.

Yeah I knew that, but I wanted to try it. Being brutally honest basically that I just got completely rejected so came up to you because you look amazing as well. I said it in a pretty fun way, not serious at all. Like it was obvious I was not affected by the first rejection and wanted to see how it could work using that confidence of them rejecting me and me not giving a shit, for the next one.

But honestly I wouldn't try it again to verbalise it, I would just go and simply approach the next one normally.

Not good either. It sounds like you'll just talk to any girl who will let you.

I know it sounds like this, but this second girl was basically fully dolled up, with fake boobs, full on make up, so I wanted to show her somehow that they are all the same to me and I don't find her that hot particularly. Probably not the best way to do it though.

I kinda wanted to go full asshole of well didn't get them, but whatever, I came to get you. Again not something I would keep doing but it was fun to explore in the moment.

Wow... she probably called him because she was scared or something.

You know this is funny, because especially in this interaction, I was extremely chill, and honestly thought she was enjoying our talk, not on an erotic level but on a friendly one. Not sure what she said to the guy, but I was surprised when he came like that, because I thought we were cool. She didn't even tell me to leave at any point, so I was thinking to just chill and get to know her for a bit.

What I mean is that I have done uncalibrated approaches but this wasn't one for sure. It's probably because it was in the middle of the night, but there were also people passing by to go to train station, so no secluded location, and I felt there was no problem to hang out there with her for a bit.

You really need to work on that vibe. You almost got beat up once. Aren't you worried about getting a bad reputation or something? I don't know how big your city is,

Regarding the bad reputation, I feel I have not done many approaches in total that were disturbing, meaning me trying to stay there when they have told me to go away, or in the beginning I was doing something like asking them what they don't like to get feedback, or I had one-two were I got angry about the harsh rejection and basically got into a debate, tried to school them, telling them to not treat me like that.

So maybe in 2 years a handful of all those, and then there are some like the ones in this report which I don't really consider bad reputation, as I am simply approaching, and when they tell me to leave I leave, without pressuring for anything. Maybe some can feel weird to them, but really it's just an approach, I mean if I see a group of 5 girls talking and walk right up to them tell them excuse me and that I saw one of them she looks stunning and I wanted to talk to her. I guess it is unusual and weird, but it's what I feel like doing in the moment, I am not harming anyone, they tell me to leave and I leave.

So if it is a reputation of just going up to people and opening them, then yes this is one I potentially could get, although I feel I am doing well, not mass approaching, especially not in places I visit a lot, hang out and know people. Could it be that random girls around the city may know each other and talk about me? I guess it could, we have about half a million excluding tourists, but most of them could just say that I approached them in the past, maybe not in the most high value way some times, but not much more than that. And for the girls that felt the approach weird I have a lot more that felt it positively.

I mean in the end, if I want no reputation at all, I should not approach at all. I still want to improve my calibration though for sure generally, I do feel it's a big thing I am lacking, but I don't even know any other way apart from approaching and getting into interactions. Maybe I should just start ejecting faster when I see non-verbal signs of discomfort, because until now I'm waiting for them to explicitly tell me to leave.

but if you keep going around getting in situations like that... one day someone might even call the police on you.

I did have the police called once but I basically asked for it. I mean literally I approached two girls, they were not receptive, and told me pretty fast they would call the police if I didn't leave, so I wanted to see how it feels, and basically stayed there and told them to call it, and I was even excited when the police came, had never had it happen to me before. I had a nice discussion with the policemen explaining about approaching and talking with people freely, they explained their viewpoints, I told them I don't really understand some of the approaches the law has regarding these things, but told them I am not gonna do it again since I don't want any trouble. They eventually accepted that and left. I am not going that far though in general that people threaten to call the police, this was really something I did because I wanted to see how the police will treat me and the situation.

I mean, you must be doing something right, because you are getting numbers and dates. But apparently sometimes you just scare the girls off. From your reports I really can't say what it is though. Maybe you can post some more detailled FRs or journal entries about the dialogues you're having?

Yeah, I've had friends in the past jokingly tell me that I sometimes have a look like I'm a psycho that will kill you, but I have never seen myself on the approach. I'm generally trying to be positive and open, what I wonder though is if there are situations where I force it and get into uncanny valley territory. I have never seen myself do it, so I don't know, but I surely have some approaches that work, since I get numbers and dates as you said, which means it's not really always bad.

I do feel though sometimes, even at the open that I do facial microexpressions that are not totally congruent or cool, difficult to pinpoint what to change there though. Maybe my general vibe is the best answer, to feel good and express it naturally.

I did buy a recorder though, so I want to start recording some interactions to see at least how I sound, I feel it will help a lot, and will also be useful to remember what I said and post it here.

Also, why are you doing street game at night? Girls are much more easily scared at night. I never game at night for that particular reason. It's hard enough during the day lol.

Yeah this is true, most of the weird stuff and bad approaches I had were at night. I simply feel there should be no reason not too. Sometimes I may go to a club and approach before and after, other times I will just take a walk and approach if I see someone. There are times that I really don't plan it but if I am out, I simply have to approach, I cannot control it, I see the hot girls all dressed up around and feel there is no reason to miss my chance when they are parading in front of me. Maybe I should learn self control, but then I am thinking what if this beautiful girl you didn't approach really could be important in your life.

I hope this doesn't sound to harsh. I actually admire you for continuing to game with your arm in a cast. Maybe it's my age, but myself I'd be a lot more cautious after such an experience.

Nah don't worry, you are right for pointing these things, and in fact I am more cautious after this experience with my hand. Like if I wasn't, I would have probably tried to get in the face of that guy friend, asking him to treat me properly or something. I am doing my best to be internally calm, and take all situations, rejections or acceptances as beautiful. That is why I said I felt nice in this last post. I really wasn't troubled much by anything that happened that night and could keep my smile and my mood high. And I mean it positively for the girls as well, I had zero bad intentions or vibes, and I feel that any of them that got to talk to me at least for a bit did enjoy it.

 

[AspiringStoic]

had one-two were I got angry about the harsh rejection and basically got into a debate, tried to school them, telling them to not treat me like that.

This is a big no no. Nobody owes you anything. Everyone has a right to not want to talk to someone so you cannot get into this mindset. I hope you have stopped doing this.

Yeah, I've had friends in the past jokingly tell me that I sometimes have a look like I'm a psycho that will kill you

There is a half truth in every joke. And if your friends themselves have said this, I am betting strangers feel this way more. You need to fix this asap. Maybe coaching can help. Because its hard to point out what is going wrong without someone seeing you in action, meeting you in person and feeling your vibe.

I did have the police called once but I basically asked for it. I mean literally I approached two girls, they were not receptive, and told me pretty fast they would call the police if I didn't leave, so I wanted to see how it feels, and basically stayed there and told them to call it, and I was even excited when the police came, had never had it happen to me before

Wow wow you must be doing something really rash to have girls do this. Girls are extremely non confrontational generally. For them to go to the extent of calling the police on you, pheww thats really serious.

I have not read your journal in detail but did I hear @gameboy say you got beaten up for approaching???!!

Man these are all big red flags, I think you need to do a big revaluation and set things right and not continue down this road.

Not sure what she said to the guy, but I was surprised when he came like that, because I thought we were cool.

And with all these it shows that you are not able to self diagnose what you are doing wrong. I would highly advise finding an advanced wing or a coach to work with you and give you honest feedback.

Again please don't take this as an attack against you as a person. We all have our faults. But these are pretty glaring red flags. We read so many field reports, in most of them you don't hear guys getting into fights, getting the police called on them etc. So its just a wake up call for you so you can fix this asap.

Wish you all the best.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

This is a big no no. Nobody owes you anything. Everyone has a right to not want to talk to someone so you cannot get into this mindset. I hope you have stopped doing this.

Yeah not doing it anymore. It’s just in the beginning I couldn’t understand why I treat them nicely and they don’t even treat me nicely back. I literally couldn’t comprehend it, so I had situations where, I overreacted or tried to keep talking to them, trying to understand why, if I am doing something wrong, and telling them what’s the problem with just wanting to talk?

I remember I couldn’t even understand why a girl would tell me she doesn’t have time to meet. I was literally telling her she obviously has time, since we met at a party, and couldn’t understand, why she wasn’t just telling me that she doesn’t want to see me, because she doesn’t like this and that.

Really all I wanted back then was honest and open communication from people. But I have chilled a lot more now, I don’t really do this stuff, I just don’t care that much and move on to the next one.

There is a half truth in every joke. And if your friends themselves have said this, I am betting strangers feel this way more. You need to fix this asap. Maybe coaching can help. Because its hard to point out what is going wrong without someone seeing you in action, meeting you in person and feeling your vibe

Oh I know it is true, I mean I know the face, it’s not about whether I can have it or not, it’s more about not using it when approaching.

And I have had some successes, so I know that I don’t look scary generally. When not in a good mood though, if the vibe is off and I still try to approach to get the reps in, it can come off more weirdly.

I agree with someone looking at me from the outside though. It would help a lot. I am thinking about it, after I have made some more money, because I don’t think I can invest thousands in it right now.

Wow wow you must be doing something really rash to have girls do this. Girls are extremely non confrontational generally. For them to go to the extent of calling the police on you, pheww thats really serious.

Well as I said, I wanted it in this scenario. It was a while ago, I tried to open a moving set, they told me they don’t want to talk, so I decided to try some more techniques and see if I can turn it around. They told me they would call the police if I didn’t leave, so I told them I am here, call it, and stayed around until the police came.

I really wanted to talk to the police once like that. They came and I was all excited to the point that the girls were even more weirded out. It was fun, I talked to them for some time, I didn’t really agree with what they told me, because I had some different views, but promised to not insist on people that don’t want to talk.

It’s something I wanted to experience to see where the edge lies, but wouldn’t try it again for sure, and I don’t really get to the point where this could happen nowadays.

I have not read your journal in detail but did I hear @gameboy say you got beaten up for approaching???!!

Yeah regarding this, I could have avoided it, but I just didn’t comply with the guys telling me to leave. Like it’s free country stuff, and if you don’t like me you can go away yourselves, the place is public.

A bit of an ego thing of I didn’t do anything wrong and won’t let you tell me what to do. I just dislike people trying to intimidate me, but I wouldn’t get into this mess again, since it’s not worth it. I took my lesson from that.

Man these are all big red flags, I think you need to do a big revaluation and set things right and not continue down this road.

I don’t disagree. I still want to be approaching no matter what when I see someone, but I should keep it more calibrated.

Sometimes I feel I didn’t care whether they found me weird or not because I approached or talked to them. So I did it in very brash ways, like going to open girls with their boyfriends, or getting in the middle of a group as I said and directly opening the girl I found hot.

A lot of it was about training myas well, seeing how I can be assertive, how I can deal with other men, how I can come off as an extra masculine guy that goes directly after what he wants and persists until he gets it.

I have realised now, where some of these things don’t serve you, but I believe it was good I experienced them.

And with all these it shows that you are not able to self diagnose what you are doing wrong. I would highly advise finding an advanced wing or a coach to work with you and give you honest feedback.

The thing with this interaction was that I simply felt it’s no harm to just talk to her as long as she doesn’t tell me to leave. I could sense she wasn’t the most comfortable and engaged, but still it felt weird to me to just eject without a clear sign.

So I’d say that many times I do sense the vibes, but I’m a bit like, so what I still have to push, better than ejecting early and wondering if you could turn it around. So I have a lot of this mentality of burning sets to the ground, since it’s your only chance with them.

It’s just that now my ground has gone higher based on the previous experiences, and I don’t stay after they tell me to leave, except for maybe giving them a last playful tease, like: Are you sure, it’s the only chance of your life Ah well, maybe we’ll meet in a different lifetime.

Regarding the coaching as I said before I would like to do it at some point when I am better financially. For the wing I don’t know, I cannot really imagine why an advanced guy would want to wing with me, wouldn’t I drag him down?

Again please don't take this as an attack against you as a person. We all have our faults. But these are pretty glaring red flags. We read so many field reports, in most of them you don't hear guys getting into fights, getting the police called on them etc. So its just a wake up call for you so you can fix this asap.

Yeah don’t worry, I know these things I’ve done, I am not parading them, but I have made my peace with them.

In a way I wanted some of these things to happen, as I said I even provoked them even consciously.

The one thing I struggle with is how to remain calibrated while being assertive and aggressive. I know women like both, so I have been trying to develop the last two and finding where the boundaries lie.

Can I reach that point myself? Who knows, I feel I’m doing my best alone in this journey so far, and some help will eventually be beneficial.

 

[Higher]

Maybe there is something about my texting timing, I'm trying to figure it about, because I get these very warm icebreaker responses and then nothing.

I suspect theyre just being nice / they wanna eject somehow. They probably see u really wanna get their number and they cant say no in the moment.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Yeah not doing it anymore. It’s just in the beginning I couldn’t understand why I treat them nicely and they don’t even treat me nicely back. I literally couldn’t comprehend it, so I had situations where, I overreacted or tried to keep talking to them, trying to understand why, if I am doing something wrong, and telling them what’s the problem with just wanting to talk?

I remember I couldn’t even understand why a girl would tell me she doesn’t have time to meet. I was literally telling her she obviously has time, since we met at a party, and couldn’t understand, why she wasn’t just telling me that she doesn’t want to see me, because she doesn’t like this and that.

Really all I wanted back then was honest and open communication from people. But I have chilled a lot more now, I don’t really do this stuff, I just don’t care that much and move on to the next one.



Oh I know it is true, I mean I know the face, it’s not about whether I can have it or not, it’s more about not using it when approaching.

And I have had some successes, so I know that I don’t look scary generally. When not in a good mood though, if the vibe is off and I still try to approach to get the reps in, it can come off more weirdly.

I agree with someone looking at me from the outside though. It would help a lot. I am thinking about it, after I have made some more money, because I don’t think I can invest thousands in it right now.



Well as I said, I wanted it in this scenario. It was a while ago, I tried to open a moving set, they told me they don’t want to talk, so I decided to try some more techniques and see if I can turn it around. They told me they would call the police if I didn’t leave, so I told them I am here, call it, and stayed around until the police came.

I really wanted to talk to the police once like that. They came and I was all excited to the point that the girls were even more weirded out. It was fun, I talked to them for some time, I didn’t really agree with what they told me, because I had some different views, but promised to not insist on people that don’t want to talk.

It’s something I wanted to experience to see where the edge lies, but wouldn’t try it again for sure, and I don’t really get to the point where this could happen nowadays.

Yeah regarding this, I could have avoided it, but I just didn’t comply with the guys telling me to leave. Like it’s free country stuff, and if you don’t like me you can go away yourselves, the place is public.

A bit of an ego thing of I didn’t do anything wrong and won’t let you tell me what to do. I just dislike people trying to intimidate me, but I wouldn’t get into this mess again, since it’s not worth it. I took my lesson from that.



I don’t disagree. I still want to be approaching no matter what when I see someone, but I should keep it more calibrated.

Sometimes I feel I didn’t care whether they found me weird or not because I approached or talked to them. So I did it in very brash ways, like going to open girls with their boyfriends, or getting in the middle of a group as I said and directly opening the girl I found hot.

A lot of it was about training myas well, seeing how I can be assertive, how I can deal with other men, how I can come off as an extra masculine guy that goes directly after what he wants and persists until he gets it.

I have realised now, where some of these things don’t serve you, but I believe it was good I experienced them.


The thing with this interaction was that I simply felt it’s no harm to just talk to her as long as she doesn’t tell me to leave. I could sense she wasn’t the most comfortable and engaged, but still it felt weird to me to just eject without a clear sign.

So I’d say that many times I do sense the vibes, but I’m a bit like, so what I still have to push, better than ejecting early and wondering if you could turn it around. So I have a lot of this mentality of burning sets to the ground, since it’s your only chance with them.

It’s just that now my ground has gone higher based on the previous experiences, and I don’t stay after they tell me to leave, except for maybe giving them a last playful tease, like: Are you sure, it’s the only chance of your life Ah well, maybe we’ll meet in a different lifetime.

Regarding the coaching as I said before I would like to do it at some point when I am better financially. For the wing I don’t know, I cannot really imagine why an advanced guy would want to wing with me, wouldn’t I drag him down?


Yeah don’t worry, I know these things I’ve done, I am not parading them, but I have made my peace with them.

In a way I wanted some of these things to happen, as I said I even provoked them even consciously.

The one thing I struggle with is how to remain calibrated while being assertive and aggressive. I know women like both, so I have been trying to develop the last two and finding where the boundaries lie.

Can I reach that point myself? Who knows, I feel I’m doing my best alone in this journey so far, and some help will eventually be beneficial.

I am the last person to discourage someone from doing cold approach, so I would not say stop approaching altogether.

But here is something that might help. A guy who is really good whom I know and who used to even coach daygame here locally told me this once over a beer.

There are generally two kinds of guys who come into cold approach pickup.

1. The Socially Anxious/Shy/Friendly guy

These are guys who are EXTREMELY socially calibrated. So much so that they are always worried about making people uncomfortable. They are extremely sensitive to social cues and cringe at the idea of ever making someone uncomfortable. These are the friend zone guys. They always have women friends and have no problem having friends in general. Women feel very comfortable around them. In fact too comfortable because they know the guy is NOT A SEXUAL THREAT.

Plan of Action: For these guys the growth is in becoming more bolder. In shedding the politeness and learning to show intent and express their sexuality and their desires. In escalating with girls and stopping always worrying about being "nice" to girls. These guys need to start becoming bolder and challenging the politeness boundaries that they have in their head.

(*I belong in this category)

2. The Socially Uncalibrated Guy/Socially Disconnected Guy

These guys have the opposite problem. They are for the large part unaware of social cues or oblivious to them to a large extent. They don't have many or any women friends and have very few friends in general. They are extremely logical and analytical. Once they come into pickup, they become APPROACH MACHINES. They can approach a lot because they are socially disconnected. They are unfazed even if they suffer a lot of harsh rejections. Their actions come across as bold(rather brash) because they don't have many inhibitions. But their problem is they CANNOT CONNECT WITH GIRLS OR PEOPLE IN GENERAL.

Plan of Action: Become more sensitive to social cues by socializing a lot. Going to social events, making new guy friends, making new girls whom you have just as friends. Hanging out with girls a lot socially so you can begin to become more SOCIALLY ATTUNED. Toning down on the boldness while approaching and paying closer attention to girls' reactions. Developing EMOTIONAL EMPATHY.

So as you see from everything you describe, I think you fall into the second category. @Will_V just dropped a great post on seduction. Check that out if you have not. I would say along with the cold approaching, SOCIALIZE a lot. In general and especially with girls. Get a lot of PLATONIC FRIENDS WHO ARE GIRLS.

If you really get to a stage where you have many girls who are your platonic friends and they feel comfortable around you. I will bet that you will STOP DOING THINGS THAT MAKE GIRLS CALL THE POLICE ON YOU. That only stems from not having enough empathy and not being able to understand what it feels like to be in the girl's shoes. These things should fix those behaviors and ensure you are well socialized and never end up having women call the police on you.

In daygame, even when you are doing direct the harshest rejections should be either the girl completely ignoring you or saying thanks or just listening to your opener and then walking off. Anything more than this means there is something very uncalibrated about your daygame approaches. Hope this helps.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Ok this has started getting too heavy for me, I don't mind talking about this stuff, that said I was in a really good mood yesterday, and after all these posts I have started feeling like I am just bothering people all the time and they give me attention out of pity which I know is not the case.

I have done weird stuff yes, the things I did these last days were simple approaches, more or less calibrated, I know that none of the women that stayed and talked to me at least for a bit would have a bad opinion to share.

And about all the other stuff I mentioned regarding previous approaches, for god's sake I DON'T GO AROUND MAKING GIRLS CALL THE POLICE. I've had bad interactions yes, bad reactions of mine to rejections, most of them when I was in a bad place internally, I still decided to go out to keep the habit, and I paid the price.

The reason I'm talking so casually about all this stuff is not because I just like getting into fights and harassing people, it's because as I said they happened, and I have made my peace with that, I wish the best everyday for any girl I may have weirded out or scared in one way or another, and I want to keep improving and gettting slightly better everyday.

Anyway, thanks for all the contributions, I value them and keep them in mind. I simply have my own limits regarding how much I can take.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Ok this has started getting too heavy for me, I don't mind talking about this stuff, that said I was in a really good mood yesterday, and after all these posts I have started feeling like I am just bothering people all the time and they give me attention out of pity which I know is not the case.

I have done weird stuff yes, the things I did these last days were simple approaches, more or less calibrated, I know that none of the women that stayed and talked to me at least for a bit would have a bad opinion to share.

And about all the other stuff I mentioned regarding previous approaches, for god's sake I DON'T GO AROUND MAKING GIRLS CALL THE POLICE. I've had bad interactions yes, bad reactions of mine to rejections, most of them when I was in a bad place internally, I still decided to go out to keep the habit, and I paid the price.

The reason I'm talking so casually about all this stuff is not because I just like getting into fights and harassing people, it's because as I said they happened, and I have made my peace with that, I wish the best everyday for any girl I may have weirded out or scared in one way or another, and I want to keep improving and gettting slightly better everyday.

Anyway, thanks for all the contributions, I value them and keep them in mind. I simply have my own limits regarding how much I can take.

Sorry buddy. Did not mean to discourage you in any way. I just hoped to not have a fellow daygamer get into any serious trouble. And I was a bit alarmed hearing the trouble you had already got into.

I apologize again if I discouraged you in anyway. I am very well aware of how hard it is to take action. Please do continue to do so. We are just giving feedback based on the words you write. Feedback given by someone who actually sees you in action would any day be more accurate. Did not mean to say you have any evil or bad intentions towards women. I hope you do continue to approach and achieve all your goals.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Sorry buddy. Did not mean to discourage you in any way. I just hoped to not have a fellow daygamer get into any serious trouble. And I was a bit alarmed hearing the trouble you had already got into.

I apologize again if I discouraged you in anyway. I am very well aware of how hard it is to take action. Please do continue to do so. We are just giving feedback based on the words you write. Feedback given by someone who actually sees you in action would any day be more accurate. Did not mean to say you have any evil or bad intentions towards women. I hope you do continue to approach and achieve all your goals.

Thanks for caring really. I simply needed to focus more on the positive things and not so much on all the stuff I did in the past. And I appreciate the feedback a lot, in fact what you wrote is quite stop on about my time.

I have been the first guy as well, had friends, guys and girls, got friendzoned. I realised it wasn't working, I was even feeling more pain going to parties with friends and leaving without any girl, I was wondering what's even the point of drinking, dancing and all that in the end.

Then we stopped seeing each other regularly due to circumstances, and I went into cold approaching, because I knew I had nothing else. The social circle life hadn't worked for me, so I had to just go out there and get what I wanted. And believe me I spent quite some time, worrying how I come off and if I bother people, I am quite agreeable, and rarely offend others, so I deliberately tried to be more direct and asshole like. I even did non seduction things, like walking extremely slow in front of people in narrow corridors to embrace the tension of them wanting to hurry and me not allowing them.

Anyway, I took it too far sometimes for sure, both in the beginning of the interactions and on dates, to the point that I've lately had many dates where I just make them comfortable and not escalate much, leading to nowhere. I'll find my balance though.

And I agree regarding the social skills aspect, I should get back to socialising more. I feel now that autumn is coming I can make it work better, since some of the groups I am part of are inactive during the summer.

At the same time I will keep approaching doing my best to refine my presentation as I go. And I feel there are good times in front.

 

[AspiringStoic]

The social circle life hadn't worked for me, so I had to just go out there and get what I wanted

I deliberately tried to be more direct and asshole like. I even did non seduction things, like walking extremely slow in front of people in narrow corridors to embrace the tension of them wanting to hurry and me not allowing them.

Anyway, I took it too far sometimes for sure, both in the beginning of the interactions and on dates, to the point that I've lately had many dates where I just make them comfortable and not escalate much, leading to nowhere. I'll find my balance though

That is great. My path is also so similar. Especially trying to be bold stuff. I am still working. And often times like you said sometimes you need to go to the other opposite before finding the sweet spot.

So maybe all you need to do now is to just find that middle ground. But massive props for taking action. Most guys will never get to handling this stuff. So please don't get discouraged and stop or reduce working on this area of your life.