Diary of an explorer

[ChrisXKiss]

Day 3

Waking up after at most 2-3 hours of sleep I was feeling a mix of insane fatigue with some form of completeness, since I had at least gotten a lay. Can’t say I was very motivated to keep approaching, but pushed myself to do it anyway.

At the same time I also had two girls I was texting sporadically. The club girl from day 1 and the metro girl from day 2. Neither of them was a sure date, but both felt workable.

Date plans

Oh and does it seem like I am forgetting someone? That’s because I kinda did lol. As I was sightseeing around I received a message by the late night girl of the first day telling me she thought I would message her. In fact after my first message when we exchanged numbers she never answered, so I never sent anything after that. I told her that, and that I thought she changed her mind, and she said I shouldn’t have assumed but should have sent her.

And she had a very good point, I mishandled it. I told her it was my mistake and I was sorry, and then as I was fighting myself not to double text she asked me how my days had been, so I relaxed. I asked her back, she said her day wasn’t exciting or interesting, so I told her that’s how it goes sometimes it just needs some chill time with good company. At that point she asked me what was my plan for the next day, so I thought it was on.

My plan was a day trip that she couldn’t join because of work, and at some point I asked her the plan for that night. She said she was going to take a walk by the sea, I told her she should have invited me, she said she was going there after work and thought would be late for me . I told her it’s fine, she again said it’s gonna be late and asked if I want to come, I said yes and we planned it.

In the meantime I had some interestingly silly exchange with the girl from the club. She was telling me that she was super tired, I asked if she wanted a lullaby, she told me she had already slept, so I said she needs a wake up song, she agreed and asked me to record her one, I told her that my voice gets distorted and it’s better up close, she gave a laugh reaction and said: So?, and I responded: Let’s meet and hear it. And we planned a date for the next evening, going to a bar.

With the girl from the metro we also had some pretty nonsense conversation. I told her something about her moves, because she said she loved dancing and that we should check them and she responded well in this soft close. I was slowing down planning something concrete for time and day, because my days looked fill with the other girls. I also got the social media of two other girls, mainly because almost noone was using whatsapp and they all had wechat so I had to go for something else. Kept in touch with but nothing much came out.

I also approached another girl while returning home that day. She was again African but living in a nearby city, we vibed well, she was quite willing to meet again, but it was quite difficult practically these days, we still exchanged numbers though.

Late night girl date

After all that I got ready, and went to my date. I arrived early, she texted she was taking a bit longer, and hoped I recognise her. We met, took a stroll, but it was crazy windy, so we decided to go grab a beer and sit somewhere. Nothing had happened till then I mean kiss or anything, though she did start holding my hand at some point.

We tried to go inside a fancy area that was closed for the night, we did get in for a bit, but I was somehow worried about any cameras there so we left. Eventually we went and sat at an outside table of a closed restaurant, basically still not allowed, but it seemed safer, since the one next to it was saying it had cameras while this one didn’t, and also it was kinda further from the main road.

We started drinking and eating some fish balls I had, and at some point I just kissed her. Then we got more playful, started feeding the balls to each other, and she came to sit on top of me. I was simulating sex movements, also took her breasts out and licked them, fingered her, at some point she took my dick out and stroked it so it was getting pretty hot.

Of course we were checking to stop whenever anyone was passing by, and also to not show too much, because we didn’t exactly know where cameras could exist. It was also funny because she was telling me how strange it feels to touch a dick after so long. She also didn’t like fingers much, was saying they are dirty in general, and had this thing about liking things clean and having ocd. That said she was so horny that she was trying to rationalise why to come to my place although it’s probably some not well maintained guest house.

I told her the sheets are fine and it felt generally clean to me, so she was starting to entertain the thought of coming back there. Then she started talking randomly about a friend of hers that gets girls all the time and then breaks their hearts, and they all chase him, and he teases her that she never has sex while he gets laid all the time.

Not gonna lie I started getting bored and out of mood there. I told her that she doesn’t need to do anything because of feeling pressured, and I want her to come with me because she is really into it. Also asked her if she is into the guy after a while, and she said no she knows him for so long and couldn’t see him like that and she kept saying how he’s the worst and stuff. Anyway, at some point I think I told her to focus on what we are doing now, it was getting freezing so we decided to start walking towards my place.

During the walk I was holding her very close to keep her warm and I could feel she was totally melting on me, I think she was extremely excited by that point. After some extra talk about how my place is fine and clean, she proposed we went to a supermarket to buy something for food, as she was hungry. I had no idea where to find something like that open so late, but she knew some Asian store that was surely an experience.

A funny theme song playing all over the place, full of colors and with any kind of product you could imagine, and she proposed to go to the sex toy section, because of course they also had that. I asked her if she wanted something specific, she said she wanted to buy some lube just to be sure, I told her she will be pretty wet, but she wanted it anyway so we bought a small one.

After that store we went all the way to my place, at least she commented it wasn’t that small, there was some smell of smoke though by the previous guy probably, but she didn’t complain much more. We started eating, feeding each other as well, kinda learned how to also eat with chopsticks, and in the end when I went to kiss and get into it she wanted to go brush our teeth first.

So I let her do that, it was a long brushing, I also brushed mine, we washed hands, I wanted her to feel comfortable with the whole cleanliness thing, and she didn’t even take her socks off to not touch the floor with bare feet. And then she took her clothes off, when to bed, covered herself with the sheets and basically wished me good night.

What I forgot to say is that she had mentioned earlier that we can go to my place just to sleep, and I said sure we can do that. Then she asked me if I would really let her sleep, and I told her I will get excited if she is lying there with her underwear, but we won’t do something she is not comfortable with. And at that moment that I saw her lying in bed half naked, the only thought in my mind was that she really wants to have zero responsibility, and have me show to her that I really want to take her.

So there was no way I would just let her sleep there, I went to the bed next to her, looked at her for a second thinking how silly all this was, and pulled her in for a kiss. From there everything escalated smoothly, she just became active again instantly, and soon enough I was eating her out. She had told me that it is very difficult for her to orgasm, but at some moment I did feel a small spurt of liquid from her pussy so I thought she was almost squirting.

Later I asked her about it and she told me she thought she was going to pee and was embarrassed and didn’t want to do it on me, and I told her that this was normal and she should just let go next time it happens, no pee will come out and she will enjoy it. She also had insecurity about her pussy because her hair wasn’t fully taken care of, but honestly it was nothing bad, and I told her I love it so she relaxed. Then I went in, and she was enjoying it a lot, me as well, and this time I lasted few minutes longer, not that long, still basically came the first time I was close, so I have to train myself to recognise and hold that point better.

After that we cuddled, classic me on my back and her snuggled on my body, and after a bit she left and I went on to have my 2 hours of sleep to not die in this trip.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

(yes these are 4 posts together, feel free to read at your own pace)

Day 4

More approaches and plans

I did text her the next morning that I hope she got some rest, and then went for my trip, catching some sleep in the ferry. I approached some girls in the other city, there was one that hooked really hard, but I basically discouraged her for more since it was almost impossible to meet, maybe should have tried to exchange contact anyway, who knows.

The thing is that I was also pretty full sexually at that point, and so tired that just having the date with the club girl planned, felt more than enough effort.

We talked with her during the day though, and she said she woke up not feeling well and she would let me know. Then she did agree on the proposed time and place and just wanted a nap first. On my side I lost about an hour by nearly missing the ferry back, mostly because I met a Russian girl going there as well, and trying to navigate with someone else took time compared to my normal walking speed.

She was cute though, long black hair, blue eyes. I street stopped her once in fact giving her a compliment, I saw some interest in her eyes, but for some reason we were going to different directions and I let her go. Well in the end we were going to the same place in different ways so I met her again and decided to not let her go this time. So we walked together for some time, before getting in the ferry I proposed we exchange numbers, but she told me she had a boyfriend. Later in the ferry we happened to sit together, and she told me she basically had a boyfriend, they were living together in Malta, she left because she missed Moscow and liked it better, and has been waiting for him to come there as well for the last six months. She knew that it may never happen, but didn’t want to do anything while in this situation. I told her I understand, gave her my number and told if she ever feels like it to call, this was from my side because I could feel she liked me in a way, but was holding herself back, with no expectations though.

Flake

After I arrived back, I sent to the club girl that I may be running half an hour late. She told me that this is getting too late for her and also that she is feeling so cold so it is better to postpone. I understood, and went for a chill drink by myself, feeling a bit bad I lost the chance with her, and then I thought I am getting a bit greedy, since things had gone so well the previous days.

I told her to let me know if she could meet me on the last day, which I also said to the metro girl as she was down from my soft close, and I also sent the same to 2-3 other girls, with no much hope for them though.

Day 5

Late night is back

This is basically only a morning and not a day, because I had to go to the airport after lunch time, so wasn’t expecting many things to happen but wanted to mention it.

In fact none of the girls answered to meet. 2-3 answered to say they can’t and wished me a nice trip, others like the club girl didn’t answer at all. The one that answered was the second girl I slept with, and after telling her where I was, she came to join for lunch.

She also brought me a bunch of asian snacks for the road, which I found very cute. And then she was trying to have me buy an international sim card, and generally wanted to help me a lot. She then joined me in the metro until a station. I was holding her during the trip, and we got down and kissed heavily in the station, she even took my hand and put it on her butt, below her clothes, so we were having some heavy makeouts there with me squeezing her ass, which she told me she liked a lot.

Eventually I told her I really have to go and can’t stay more so we parted ways. She really wanted to keep me around as much as she could. The first girl also texted me after we met that I could go to her country and we could plan it, but when I said that it could happen but I don’t know where or when I will be going next, she cooled off a lot. This one was just extra sticky this last day. Flattering but I was worried a little what would happen to her now that I have left.

In the air

Last thing for all this, I gave a compliment to a girl in the airport close to my arrivals, and we ended up sitting together in the plane. At least she had appreciated the compliment, but I couldn’t really understand how to play it in such a scenario where you are stuck together and the girl cannot leave.

Funny thing is the moment she saw me, because we had talked briefly about the dresscode, she asked me how they have accepted me in the flight like that. This surprised me, I told her: well, they took you in, of course they would take me too. She then said I changed shoes before getting in and I said no, she ate me with her eyes, but not well enough.

After that we talked a bit in the beginning of the flight, and not much later, sleeping, and movies took priority. I can say though that she didn’t feel like a woman that would easily submit to a guy. She would stick to her views no matter what, even for small things, so at some point I started supporting mine and arguing more. Nothing too strong, just not submitting to her frame all the time.

In fact this whole scenario was quite challenging for me, because I was trying to flirt and at the same time keep things comfortable since we were both stuck together for the long flight. So I wasn’t really sure how to stir the conversation in a way that can have an effect but it doesn’t feel like I’m openly hitting on her.

I have to work on these indirect parts of seduction for sure, as I struggle to understand how to interact with girls and indirectly have them get gradually interested.

In the end we went out from the plane, and before taking the luggage, I went and told her I have to go but let’s have a drink some other time. To my surprise she agreed fairly easily, I sent an icebreaker, she answered after a day telling me she hopes I have recovered from the trip, and then I told her there is nothing like home bed and asked her how this place treats no after her time in Asia. No response to that yet, so I am thinking how to go about it.

Conclusions

And to come full circle, the club girl had texted me while in the flight that she was on a sick leave, and she was sorry we didn’t catch up. Eventually we agreed to keep in touch with social media. Same thing for the metro girl and some others.

After all this fatigue, I finally could go rest a bit more. However I did go out with some friends the following day and remembered that the women in my area are quite beautiful. And it feels that I am getting less and less affected by it, of course I like the girls but could do without them. Still some improvement to be made though on this, especially when the girl is very close to my physical ideal.

The next days I took a short trip to some chill tropical island, way more relaxing, mostly families and honeymooners but I wanted something serene even just for a bit. I did talk to some girls here and there, but not really with much intent, as I also didn’t stay in the same place for more than a day, and meeting was difficult. I guess I could have approached more girls in friend groups, I do have an issue in areas like these when girls are just in their bikinis. Mainly because any direct open makes it so obvious that you just like their bodies, and I have trouble seeing how to escape this frame. Even by going indirect in fact I feel the girl will know you are just hitting on her, so it is a question what can be more effective in this kind of beach, holiday scenario.

All in all, some very interesting days, and at least it seems that some things are working. Even if mainly in that travel context right now.

 

[gameboy]

After that she asked me to buy her a drink, I told her she can go buy one if she wants, and then she did and basically never came back. All this interaction was fairly perplexing to me, because I would really bet she was attracted, and couldn’t figure out what she wanted me to do. Only thing in my mind is taking things even faster, and being more blatantly sexual myself. I guess I hesitated to go all in exactly after we arrived at the club and move for the pull. But any other insights are welcome. For context, the girl wasn’t from there, she was African, and was telling me she didn’t even like it there, and was just staying for the money,

Haven't read further yet, but wanted to chime in before I forget. To me it looks like this one wanted you for the money only... she wouldnt kiss you, and disappeared when you wouldnt buy her a drink... sounds like she was putting on an act

 

[gameboy]

Just finished reading the last part. You're killing it man! Congrats! 2 lays in a row if I remember correctly? That's fucking cool.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Just finished reading the last part. You're killing it man! Congrats! 2 lays in a row if I remember correctly? That's fucking cool.

Thanks man! Yeah it was 2 lays in 2 consecutive days. Felt a bit surreal to be honest.

Can’t say I feel I am doing anything crazy though. I mean after the second one it did feel like: Ok something has to be going well, but I can’t really say if something particular changed or not.

I guess I am just caring less and less about having sex, and enjoy the time with the girl, basically caring about getting her super excited.

It still needs the girl to stay there and be a bit interested though, and with a number of hot girls the main issue is they don’t do that from the beginning.

Pretty fun though, how I had this first interaction with the African girl you also mentioned in your other post, and I was thinking what I did wrong and how I was off again, and then after sleeping with these 2 it feels that it is no big deal, with some it will work, with some it will not, and life goes on.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

A bit of a strange period for me. I would like to say I am slaying girls left and right but I am kinda in a different mood. Basically I know now for sure that my current contract will not be extended so I won't have a job in a few days. This was the most probable thing to happen, but it is still different knowing for sure you are going towards that.

So quite some uncertain times I would say, mainly because I don't exactly know what I want to do afterwards. I could go for something similar, since now that I have some experience it will probably be more easy to get a position, but it is a question of what I want to do with my life in general.

And I've travelled quite a lot lately, could take even more honestly, but I don't want to be ungrateful, I am very satisfied, and have time in front of me to visit many other places. The thing is I've seen all different kinds of things around the world, also a lot of attractive women. In a way all this has left me somehow empty.

What I mean is that I am struggling to find the point, you see people living in so many different ways, and you start wondering if it really matters more to just be a high profile businessman in a metropolis or to just chill and scuba dive in a tropical island. Even regarding women, you can find very hot ones in both worlds, or any other worlds in fact. So it leaves me in a way trying to figure out where I fit in all this.

Right now I feel that I see super hot girls around and although I can recognise it, I am like: so what, there are tons of you around, what would be different even if I could sleep with you. It is possible that if I could indeed sleep with them regularly I would think differently, I believe though that this is not just a way of my mind to escape effort and rejection, it really is a state where I am trying to figure out why banging this or any hottie would improve my life somehow except for the momentary feeling of satisfaction of dominating a hot girl.

Could also be that I have not enjoyed the sex part that much in my last lays, I suppose if that improves I could game just for the pleasure of sex and getting more of it. I do feel though that the main question of what am I going for will still be there.

So I can't say how all this will go, I will keep approaching for sure, I still do it just out of habit, it is just more half assed and with less excitement in general. It is possible that after having no job and being tighter financially I will just become more needy as well, just because I will associate success with women even more with my daily satisfaction, as game is the one free exciting thing I will have available to do.

I have to figure out what to do with my life though, and I think the main issue with what I am working on right now is not the environment, everyone is nice, the job is not that hard and can also have satisfying moments, it's more that I don't feel much motivation to be great at it, it's a thought of why would I even care about working hard to succeed at managing data in a big company. And the thing is some people do, let's say my supervisors or other people that go and climb the corporate ladder hard. I'm just struggling to find how that is appealing to me, and if it is not, what would be.

Would it be having a basic job without many responsibilities an ok salary and free time to just travel and game. Kinda what I am doing now? Maybe as long as I could have a strong frame and sleep with the girls I would like this could be enough, but I do feel inside me a lack of being great at something if it makes sense. This feeling that I am valuable and people respect my abilities. I just don't care much about the typical being great at my job and getting promotions thing, it feels vain, without knowing exactly what wouldn't. Or maybe I do, but I am too scared to admit it because of the fear of failing if I go for it.

Meaning working for myself, creating things, being an artist. I think that simply for some financial stability I should look for a job, just to have some safety since there is no other concrete plan of what to pursue at this moment. But on the side I should start working on things that excite me and get serious and really good about them. I won't be travelling that much anymore anyway, so I will have time for some other things, and after this interesting international travel break I should focus on how to move my life forward.

And regarding women, in one way or another I feel I have been progressing at least a bit even if slowly, so I do think it will improve as well, and I feel that taking care of some other aspects of my life will give a boost in this aspect too. And hopefully as all this smoothens out I will still remember that hot girls are more abundant than the sand ( I mean I found them in places with no sand too, so prove me wrong lol )

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Life state as of late and thoughts

Wanted to write an entry to keep this without gaps. It's been some very slow time seduction wise, these last 2 weeks in fact I may have had 2-3 free evenings in general.

I worked quite a lot during my last days in the job to make sure that things can be manageable for the team after my contract expires and I am also preparing for a theatre play next month, which takes a lot of time for rehearsals as we get closer.

During all these I haven't been going out much, and the truth is that after all the travelling these last months I don't have any schedule of doing things in my city apart from the theatre and the job I had.

As I start building my daily program now I believe it can be somehow more organised regarding what I do and how I practice game in the city, although at least for the until my premiere in the beginning of March it will be pretty tight.

The whole scheduling thing works a bit as a block for approaching, not just for the time of the approach, but mostly for what to do after the approach. I mean that even finding time during the week to plan a date hasn't been easy, which I hope will get better.

I also have to overcome the mental block of thinking that if I am busy and do a bunch of things the girls will just not be interested or wait around, when they can find guys that will offer them more of their time. I know that in general busy men are supposed to be attractive, but it has never really worked well for me, it mostly gives no chance to really meet for a date. And even when we meet like that, girls can sense that I don't really have much time to offer them and I don't see them that seriously. I suppose this could be solved by being more sexy and having them see me more as a guy they can only have fun with.

Another thing is to find the right angle of approaching again. As I have said I am reaching a point that most girls even if beautiful, don't feel that special, since I have seen it is possible to find them anywhere. So my approaches feel quite more detached, and although this keeps me from being overtly excited, I do feel that it also makes me look like I am not that into the girls. So it is a question to find the right balance between being cool and smooth and showing enough interest to even run proper game.

Approach

I made an approach on Saturday night for example, was going to get a pizza after a long full day rehearsal and chill at home. Saw a tall elegantly dressed girl crossing the road from the opposite side. We waited for a bit at the traffic lights, and I though screw it, I'll just open as we cross the road. Told her she looked very elegant, she stopped for a second worrying of being in the middle of the road, told her to come to the side to not get crashed by anything, and then she told me we had met again and I had opened her the same way.

I told her I don't remember but if she looked the like that it made sense. Asked her what she was up to, told her she looks like she was going out, said she was going to a salsa bar, I asked if she was a good dancer, she told me she tries to think she is and told me I am probably going home. I told her I am going for a pizza, and she said that's a great night, so I told her she really must not like salsa, or just likes pizza too much and she agreed, and then I told her I don't want to take her away from this great salsa time, and have to go grab my pizza, but if she is around here we can go for a drink some other time.

She said why not, I gave my phone for her to put the number, told her I am a bit tight these days preparing for a theatre play, but I believe I can make it work during the week. She gave the number and we parted ways wishing great pizza and salsa time to each other. Sent her an icebreaker an hour later, and today a voice message telling her the pizza was tasty and I hope the salsa was fun or I would feel too guilty letting her go there. She responded she changed her mind and doesn't want a drink anymore and wishes me the best.

The reason I am writing about this is not even because it is one of my few approaches lately. First of all it was very easy to just decide and do the approach which was good, not much anxiety, although I wasn't warmed up or anything. Secondly, the girl was attractive, like even close to girlfriend level attractive if I judge by her height, body type and even face for me, and I was just extremely chill and smooth, to the point of talking to her normally like she wasn't anything crazy special. Thirdly, exactly because of this and my general vibe lately, I wasn't very committed, even my drink offer felt very detached, like hey we met again, it feels like you have a cool vibe, why not go for a drink. And although I would for sure love going out with her, her message that she doesn't want it, didn't even make me feel much, was more like a ah whatever, noted to know that this kind of interactions don't lead to a sure date.

Conclusions

So with all these in mind, I go back to what I discussed earlier, having to figure out how to go around approaching with more intent but still keeping some of this cool detached nature that makes the approach non needy. And of course there is the issue of the girls being receptive enough to the approach for me in order to run my game, which is something I have to look into as it was always my issue with the idea that you treat all girls the same no matter their looks. Which I do understand, with the caveat that a bunch of these beautiful girls don't even give you a chance to interact and run your game, and I don't see how strong techniques like negs or push pulls would work in daygame cold approaching to hook them in.

To conclude, I've been sending to all the numbers I have from the last year the details of my theater play, mostly because i want people to come since I really believe it will be good. If it revives any interaction why not as well, but I don't have it as a main goal. And anyway I never liked using particular positions in order to rule girls in, I always wanted to be approaching without them knowing much about how good I am at something or not, since it felt the attraction would be purer in that way. Could be that I should at some point get into more social circle game and not be so purely into cold approach, it just feels too messy when people know you, and others know people that know you, I love the anonymity of approaching random strangers much more when it comes to sexual relationships. Maybe when I reach the point of being satisfied with my girl results, I will be more chill expressing it in social circles as well and leveraging them, we'll see.

 

[OldGuy]

Salsa girl practically asked you for an insta pizza date! At your place.

 

[gameboy]

Salsa girl practically asked you for an insta pizza date! At your place.

Those were my thoughts as well. Should have teased her with a tasty slice instead of boring salsa...

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I did think of that at some point. But that goes to show how much my mind is not in seduction space right now and how much detached I was at that moment from the interaction. I was feeling tired, my place was messy, and I wasn’t even thinking of doing anything that night.

Could it have worked if I tried to go for an instant date then? Maybe, she looked like she was in a surprisingly good mood, maybe ovulating as well, and I could also sell I’ve been dancing salsa for a while and could teach her some proper moves.

But I just didn’t feel it then and there. Which is an issue, because when I do go out with the intention to close, it often ends up feeling I am pushing for something to happen which is not very attractive, while other times when I am not thinking about seduction actively that much, I have sensed interest but I have not been very motivated to act on it.

 

[gameboy]

In that case she probably picked up your vibe that you're not all that interested, which is why she changed her mind. Maybe she even met another dude who was more interested at salsa class.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

In that case she probably picked up your vibe that you're not all that interested, which is why she changed her mind. Maybe she even met another dude who was more interested at salsa class.

Yeah it’s possible, I surely felt she enjoyed our vibe in the moment since I was super chill, but maybe I was too chill lol

And then we get into the territory of how much interest you should show. I feel I am often showing too much when they have not earned it yet and too little when I should show more.

Anyway I don’t want to stay thinking about this particular interaction too much, because I really wasn’t in the right place. I want to keep the positives about it and believe that there will be more women like that in the future that I will have the chance to close.

 

[gameboy]

Anyway I don’t want to stay thinking about this particular interaction too much, because I really wasn’t in the right place. I want to keep the positives about it and believe that there will be more women like that in the future that I will have the chance to close.

Good mindset to have! There will be, for sure

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I have been thinking a lot since yesterday about what is happening in these dates like the one in the field report and I noticed few things.

Differences of my reports with lays

First of all, most of these field reports that I end up posting are dates that I can recall almost the whole progression and structure of the conversation. Which shows me that I am too much in my head thinking what to say, how to transition topics, how to start talking about sex, how to frame everything as sex being fun and exciting. Basically the fact that a lot of these reports have been very analytical is a problem in itself.

And I notice this, because for most of my lays I have not even written reports. Of course when something goes wrong I want to write it to get a second opinion, and the lays are much less than the dates, but there is something else there.

A lot of times I cannot even recall the exact order of events, how I progressed through the seduction step by step until the lay. Some of these lays even feel natural, like we were both feeling it so it happened, and I wasn’t even paying attention to them as something to learn much from.

But thinking about it now maybe that’s exactly the point. During the times I got the lay I was focused much more on the moment, the sexual energy between us, and I was using every other discussion technique as a way to make her feel more comfortable to let herself go into the excitement that existed already.

First problem

At the same time my dates seemed to have two different problems. The first one was about dates that lasted longer and had a possibility of leading to sex. What was happening there is that after deep diving and framing sex as natural and fun I was basically moving towards escalation and closing without getting the girl ready for it. I was skipping steps. For example not kissing or moving close to a girl in public but instantly inviting her home and insisting on it if she wanted our time together to continue.

I did change that a bit and got some results, if not outright lays, sexual playing in public, and generally more fun interactions. I still have to see how to find the proper balance there but I have a feeling of towards where to go. Keeping the sexual tension up and making steady moves forward at the pace that works for the girl.

Second problem

Then there is the second date problem, and that one has been the fact that whenever I have had a short informational date, I almost never saw the girl again. To the point I started thinking that it makes no sense to meet a girl if there is not enough time for sex.

And this has been truly frustrating, because it makes you feel all kind of weird things, like that whenever a girl starts spending some more time with you without sex, she just doesn’t want to see you again. But I was getting this all wrong.

The thing is I had in my mind that when I meet a girl for an hour to have a coffee, and we clearly don’t have enough time to escalate all the way to sex, it’s all about getting to know each other, getting comfortable, and figuring out what we are both about. But it’s not that, or maybe it would have been if I was going for a relationship.

I am not though, I am clearly selling sex, nothing else, and I am also communicating that verbally. Everything else exists to make me look like a normal guy that sex won’t be weird with. But I have been forgetting to excite them through all this in order for them to also want this sex emotionally.

The thing is I have been having dates and I wasn’t even excited by the end to see the girl again, since the whole thing was feeling like a battle to deep dive her effectively and reframe all her objections against casual sex.

And a bunch of times I have been successful at that, sometimes the girls even had no objections to casual sex to begin with, like in my last field report, but eventually the only thing that happens is we arrive at the conclusion that yes it’s totally normal to have sex for pleasure when you feel like it, without any indication that we emotionally feel like doing it with each other then and there.

Towards solutions

I believed that getting a lot of sexual tension in this one coffee hour, would be too much, and maybe the girl would leave disappointed it wasn’t released through intimacy, feel her state crashing and not want to talk again.

That’s why I was taking it more chill, which eventually made everything boring for both of us and I could feel it. I cannot guarantee that making her feel a lot more sexual tension will have the girl coming back, but I feel it is the direction I should go towards.

Because as I said in the beginning, I have had lays, most of them in fact, where the girl never really logically agreed that casual sex is ok to do, she just felt our sexual energy and gradually she started being unable to handle it and wanted some release through sex.

I have even known that, which is why I try to be as horny as I can when gaming to transfer this state to the girls, a number of things can happen though to take you out of the mood, and for me at least it seems that sitting down at a chair is a horniness killer.

I can remember many times when I have been very excited walking side by side with a girl, then I sat down and the whole vibe went very platonic, and then after standing up I could feel myself getting excited again. I am not sure if it is about how I sit, if I relax too much at the chair or couch but it affects the energy of the interaction 100%.

So taking all these in, I want to mainly focus on the sexual energy I radiate. I still believe the whole deep diving aspect is valuable, that said I feel that when I am sexually charged everything I say becomes more effective anyway, and the words get a different more profound meaning.

Apart from generally having fun and enjoying the moment through my interaction with girls, to make this work I should also focus myself a lot more on them as sexual objects, looking at them and imagining how I will be taking them later etc.

I’m sure this needs some balance as well, and one reason I have not been practicing it a lot is that I don’t want in my day to day life to alienate people by being uber sexual all the time.

I do believe though that it is useful to be able to access this energy and freely let it out. I was way more in touch with it in the past, to the point I was getting scared by how easily talking to a hot girl would make me hard, but now that I am getting way more used to them I have to dig deep again, and see them in my mind as the naturally sexual beings they are.

All in all, I am going to be focusing on creating the sexual tension, that will make them feel before we even get into talking about anything sexual : “Damn, this guy is making me wet, fuck it I just want him 🫦”

I have seen it happen before, so I know it’s possible to do it again, and then capitalise on it.

And probably I will also skip sitting down far from each other whenever I can.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

It's been a while, in fact these last weeks due to different circumstances I didn't have a lot of chances to practice game, but I did have some interesting interactions.

Guess I've got fans

About 15 days ago I finished my performances, they went pretty well, so now focusing on different things. During that time we had some kind of small party at the theatre one night, and as we were dancing I saw 2 girls from the audience being around that I hadn't seen before, and one of them seemed to be checking me out while I was having fun with the other people I knew.

I tried to open her as naturally as possible, so I did it as I happened to be next to her while dancing, we exchanged few sentences and basic info and went back to enjoying the evening. There were not many people there and most knew me quite well, so I didn't even want to obviously hit on her a lot.

Anyway, she was staying around with her friend and it did feel to me that I was a factor to that, so before leaving I just chatted her up again while passing by and asked to exchange contacts which we did. I sent her a message the next day and then because my parents were visiting next week, I basically told her I am having a great time with family and we will catch up.

I am thinking of texting back now to see how it goes with her. She was quite cute, but I won't lie, I don't feel very comfortable going out with girls that know me or other people in my life that much, because I worry what word will come out if things don't go well. I will still do it probably, just saying that the closer a girl is to my life and people I know, the less I feel inclined to pursue something with her, which is probably just a limiting belief.

I still get teased a bit by the other people in the group for one older woman that came to see me perform and we hanged out after that. There was some energy between us, but nothing really happened, I think she just enjoyed the flirting but didn't want anything more.

Vacation and Beach Approaches

The week before the last one my parents were around as I said so I was quite occupied, and then I had a trip planned to an arabic country to chill by the beach for few days. I was planning to come back middle of last week, but my flight was cancelled and the next direct one was on the weekend, so I decided to stay for some more days and came back on Saturday.

My plan for this trip was mostly to relax and clear my mind from everything while seeing something new. I did realise though that I had started missing approaching, and let's say that this place wasn't the best for game. 90% of women I couldn't even see the face of, and the dating apps were either not working or simply empty. I am pretty sure I could also be arrested just by hitting on locals, so I wasn't crazy enough to try it.

All left were the tourists but I was staying at an independent hotel and not some kind of resort so it wasn't that easy to find them either. The one thing my hotel had was a private beach and some apartments next to it, so I went there to chill. I found out there were a bunch of other hotels by that beach so some tourists did go to swim during the day, and I decided to do the best out of the situation.

I think I probably approached every approachable person on that beach, was even walking quite a bit to reach the hotels that were even further down the coast. However, most people there were either with families, not speaking english at all, or in couples. I still wanted to go for it though, because why not, I was staying for a week anyway so it would make the time more exciting.

Most of my approaches were pings about how the sea/waves looked, or teases about how the people looked sitting by the beach like seagulls or their specific outfits etc. Shortly enough I realised that I had a very visible erection in my swim trunks while approaching, which got me in my head a bit, but I decided to keep going. It felt a bit strange because although it's something natural, I also didn't want it to be super visible in the first few moments of the interaction. It's an issue I always had with beach approaches that my penis is hard and obviously standing up inside there, so I simply decided to own it if anyone asked me just by telling them they are hot, while at the same I tried to keep it not too much in their face.

Most of the girls were not hooking. I did talk with a mother there a bit while walking at the beach, opening her quite directly saying she looked so elegant for just going at the beach with her fancy shirt. She couldn't speak english almost at all, but she laughing and responding well, so when she told me she liked the sea but wasn't going inside because she was afraid of the waves, i told her to wait and went and took some sea water on my hand and gave her a handclasp playfully saying "for you". Was even thinking of escalating more, maybe bringing her in the sea and playing there, but her teenage daughter was at the sunbed and I hesitated to pull something so bold while we could be seen together. She told me she had to go back to her in a bit, and after that we barely interacted apart from polite greetings, I did give a seashell to both of them as a parting gift though.

I also talked quite a bit with another woman at her sunbed, I opened her pretty directly with something similar, that she was one of the classiest people I have seen at the beach, since she was also wearing something very nice. Almost zero english too, even worse than the previous one, so I ended up talking to her with a phone translator. In a bit her friend came, after I chatted them both I got a number and left, but never texted because I had to pay per message, since it wasn't whatsapp and I didn't feel it was worth it. I also saw her again another day and said hi, but nothing more. The language of communication, together with the friend, did feel like a big barrier here.

Baywatch girl

Day 1

Eventually I saw one girl, in a red baywatch like swimsuit, thin, with a pretty butt and a cute face and thought damn this one looks great. I saw her around some other people, with a girl and an older woman, wasn't sure if they were family, and I told her something about how crazy the waves were while passing by them. Then after a while I saw her going at the edge of the beach taking some photos of herself while I was walking and when I arrived at my sunbed she was back at hers pretty close to mine.

I decided to just go and ask her to take some picture of me, hadn't tried that before, but saw other people use it so I was thinking let's see. To my surpise she was extremely sweet and even tried quite a lot to take good pictures, I teased her a bit about it and told her they should be fine, and then I mentioned how I love her swimsuit and how she looked like straight from a baywatch movie. I asked her where she was from and I had her guess for my nationality, then I asked and she told me that she was there with her friend and she was waiting for her to come back from a stroll by the beach.

At that moment I asked if she is not going inside, she told me she likes it but she is not that good at swimming and a bit afraid of the waves. I told her something along the lines of "ok, let's go, they will be fun, I'll keep you safe". She told me she had to wait there for her friend, and I told her we will just be right there, and we will see her when she comes back. She agreed so we went in the sea.

There the waves were not that big, but if you are not comfortable they could be a bit scary. I held her hand as we were going towards them and then as they were crushing on us I was holding her, and sometimes even bringing very close to me, almost hugging, we did this for a bit, also jumping on them, and I was looking for a chance to make a move, but I couldn't feel her ready. I knew the time was ticking though and her friend would come.

In the end I did the timing quite badly. As she saw her friend coming, I told her to go for one last jump on the waves, and then went in for a kiss, but she turned her face and with the waves crushing on us I couldn't even manhandle kiss her, and I also told her not to worry and I wouldn't do it in front of her friend.

After that we went out of the sea and met her friend. I quickly realised she was the one in charge of the group and she started questioning me a bit, but I was fairly chill in how I treated her. Then we hanged around all 3 of us, sometimes letting my girl go do something while I was chatting with the friend, and the vibe was good. I was quite chill and the kiss rejection didn't affect me. I also told her at some point that probably most people think she is quite cold, while in reality she is such a warm person, which she confirmed

They were planning to leave eventually with a taxi for their hotel and I had to go to mine, so I simply exchanged numbers with my girl. The next days I kept sending her some pictures of my trips around the area and when my flight was cancelled and I ended up staying there for more days, I decided to take an apartment by that beach to at least have the opportunity of closing.

At that point I was pretty sure I would meet them again as they were going to the beach every day, so I started thinking whether it would make sense to go for some kind of threesome. Her friend's face wasn't anything special but her body wasn't bad at all, the only problem was that after the first interaction neither I sensed an interest from her nor I felt they were that close friends that would share a guy like this. My girl also felt less liberated, so although I had it in my mind I didn't have many hopes of it.

As you can realise the other option of my girl just leaving her friend and coming to spend the night with me was probably even more farfetched but I wanted to see how all this could go anyway.

Day 2

I did meet them again eventually, on their last full day there. They were around at the beach for a while, but I didn't run to them straight away, I made it look more like we crossed path walking by, and then I went for a swim when they were inside. There was another woman there with them, and I ended up chatting firstly with the friend deeper inside the sea. We had a nice chat, but the vibe although good was friendly, so I started writing off the threesome idea.

As we went back towards the coast, I started talking to my girl again, and in a bit we were there alone, but not very close to each other and we had stopped talking. I was thinking of a good excuse to come closer to her and get more physical, and at some point she kinda felt like struggling in the sea so I told her to not die on me and that I approached telling her I have to take care of her.

She was trying to swim so I held her from her back and raised her up at the surface telling her to relax. I was letting her float there peacefully as I was holding her from the waist and legs, telling her to just enjoy the moment and that I am holding her and nothing bad was going to happen. I had gotten super excited by that point, and the tension was crazy as I watching her smile with her eyes closed fully relaxed in my hands, so I leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips. After that she got up and basically jumped on me and my mouth but honestly after few seconds of kissing it was difficult to swim with her whole weight on me so we stopped and got back to the relaxation part with some intimate touching.

This went on for a bit, we had another kissing moment, and eventually we swam back to the shore as I was leading the way and holding her hand bringing her with me. There we rested on the sunbed for a bit, her friend came, I again spent some time with her while my girl went to take a photo of some horses, and we moved somewhere closer to the sea together to view their last sunset.

While there, my girl was siting between her friend and me, and sometimes they were just talking to each other in their language, sometimes we were talking all together, also drinking a bottle of whiskey they had brought undercover, because alcohol was not allowed in the country. In fact even kissing her in public broke some laws I think but anyway this beach was mostly for tourists until the sunset, and due to the Ramadan most locals were not even out during the day.

During this time I was subtly stroking my girls hand and playing with her fingers, and after a while she also started doing this to me, to the point that I was letting go and she was starting rubbing my hand and holding it by herself. By sunset she had wrapped herself all over my arm, and whenever her friend was standing up and walking around for pictures we would have some closer moments and kisses. Especially after I mentioned a connection I have to her country of origin, she got so excited and we gave a passionate kiss with her telling me she is like a cat.

The time passed though and I although I asked them to hang out more her friend wanted to leave and went to call a taxi. I stayed with my girl a bit more at the beach, she went quite wild heavy kissing me, biting my lips and neck, and I also did it to her while squeezing her butt. I had asked her how she feels, she had told me free, I asked if she is having a good time, she said yes, and I told her I would love to spend some more time with her. She told me she had to leave and let's just remember all this, I told her it's the last night here and that I can talk to her friend if she wants. Anyway I don't know if I could have been more convincing at that moment, but she really wanted to leave with her friend and I didn't manage to have her stay, so we just gave a last kiss and parted ways.

After that we kept sending messages, she even texted me she hopes we don't lose contact and that when she closes her eyes to sleep she thinks of being relaxed in my arms inside the sea, and how safe she felt around me in general.

She is cute and sweet, that said I don't want her to be very invested in all this as I don't see much hope of it evolving from so far away, so even if we end up exchanging more messages, I'll try for things to fizzle out naturally.

So no lay here, but I think it was a nice experience. Still not sure what would have been the best way towards sex, it felt really difficult taking the girl away from her friend, and the thing is I have had similar scenarios with other girls in the past. Two girls, one into me, kissing me etc, the other approving of me, even telling my girl it's fine if she goes with me, but the girl not coming. I am not sure if I am giving them too much validation early on that they feel no reason to come, or if we don't have a good enough connection yet.

Anyway, quite a frustrating experience when it happens, because the whole vibe is there, but then it feels like moving towards sex is not natural at all. I have to say though that I didn't use much sex talk here or in these kind of scenarios, maybe because they are heavy in sexual energy due to the kissing and nature of the interaction I feel that sex talk in public will basically be an extremely obvious sign I want to push for sex and I am trying to convince them it is the right thing to do. Maybe I am just wrong, and should go for it to set the right frames, because a lot of times two girls happen to be together and it's really a pain when you vibe with one but you can feel that the other is still around and still a factor no matter what you do.

Some more approaches till today

To continue, I also did an approach after having dinner at a resort nearby that beach. I saw two women dressed very elegantly as I was leaving the outside dinner area, I told them and started chatting. They were probably mother and daughter although I never asked for some reason, I guess I assumed it, and we talked for quite a bit, even walked together inside, and I took the daughter's number before we parted ways for them to go to their rooms.

I exchanged some messages with the daughter, but never really invited her out. I guess I hesitated a bit because she wasn't alone there, and also this place had no nightlife, even no public transport, so it would be a mess to even propose something outside the resort for one of the other evenings. I guess I could have proposed to go take her from her resort and maybe have a 20 minute walk to some nearby local restaurant, and then tried to pull her to my place. Maybe I should have, it didn't feel the initial interaction with all three of us was strong enough to get it though.

Eventually I went another time to eat dinner at that resort and she was there once more, I complimented her again when I saw her, she really was a classy girl. I sat to eat by myself, she ate with her mother and when they finished she came by herself to say hi, I was in the middle of the food, we started chatting and after a bit I just told her to sit with me and she did. I at least had some nice company for my dinner, we talked about each other, I learned she loves painting and would like to pursue it more as well, she was brushing her hair and laughing a lot while talking so I feel there was some attraction for sure. I am a very slow eater though so she had to leave before I finished to go pack her things as she was leaving next morning. I have a feeling she also received a message before that so again her not being there alone didn't help.

We did vibe well, not too much towards the sexual, but I believe I could have taken it there with some more privacy and close space. She told me she stayed mostly in the resort, and I said how I spent my day going around the city by myself, to which she said it's not so easy for a woman in that place. So I suppose I could have proposed an adventure and to just go out together for this last night of hers, and that I would have kept her safe and brought her back early. But still because she wasn't alone I thought it wouldn't have worked. Really sweet girl though.

A last approach I did by the beach to a receptive girl was my last day there. Some new tourists started coming and I saw a cool and cute looking girl at her sunbed with some big headphones. Told her she looks like a DJ ready for a set, we had a good vibe, she looked receptive, but not as compliant as the baywatch girl was at approach. She told me it was her first day there and was waiting for a friend that was flying to have holidays together after a long time of not seeing each other. I proposed we go swimming together until she comes, but she wanted to wait, I didn't do it in a very high point, and I felt it wouldn't work but wanted to try. Didn't even take a contact of this one, just told her we may see each other around and left on a positive note. I think the issue here was mostly logistical as well, since I couldn't have her invested enough while waiting for her friend she hasn't seen for a while. It wasn't like the baywatch girl that the friend was just there taking a stroll.

All in all for this type of country, even these interactions were too much in a way, I didn't have any expectation to game in such a place but tried the best I could. Back at home now, did 5-6 approaches earlier walking around, one of the girls was incredibly hot but was going inside a supermarket and didn't stop, she told me she had to go. Maybe I should have gotten in and planned this approach more, but I also had some food getting cold and thought I would be investing too much. I surely have to find a way to grab the attention of moving girls enough that they stop and interact with me, it is quite difficult to do though without looking like you are following them and stubbornly persisting. Maybe some playful hooking lines could be good for a start, and also a more authoritative approach that has them stop. Some days I just have the correct vibe that makes it work more than others, so I should focus on tapping on that.

One good thing is that even when that very hot girl left it felt fine. Not a "damn why did I miss with a girl like her again" but more a "sure, she is a real hottie but no big deal, she doesn't even know what she missed".

 

[ChrisXKiss]

About approaching

I wanted to get back into approaching in my city this last week. The good thing is that I did, I don't have much approach anxiety anymore, and most of the times I think about an approach is because of the particular circumstances of it. The not so good thing is that I didn't have any substantial results.

To go by numbers, I probably did around 50 approaches, got 5 numbers and out of them maybe 1 or 2 could have potential for another meeting. It's not crazy bad, I mean my numbers were not that much better previously, it is a bit sad though when the girls that end up being more open are not the ones that you like the most.

Because if I take it by the number of girls that I see and could say just by looks that they either excite me a lot or are subjectively my type, the ones that show some interest back no matter the way I approach are much less than 1 in 10.

To the point that I have been reading a lot on hooking techniques, and how to get closed off girls, simply because focusing only on the more open ones doesn't seem effective. It is quite difficult though to make it work with closed off girls when street approaching because any persistence comes off at best like chasing and at worst like harassing.

So in the end, I am not even sure if it is worth it to even try and persist with most of them, or it's better to just leave right away and approach more believing that with more numbers more receptive girls will appear. I am somewhere in the middle right now, maybe persisting a bit and trying to make things work initially but leaving at clear disinterest, while being more casually commanding when they still don't hook, but are positive and smiling.

About feeling sexual

I was also quite low energy this week, I believe I didn't make the most out of some interactions, but at least I am glad I went out there and took action to start rolling again.

One thing I have been feeling lately is that I don't have a strong sexual presence, I mean that I approach but even if I am grounded it is a relaxed grounding, not the powerfully sexual one but a more sensually calm one. I almost never feel overwhelmed by attractive girls at this point, but even if I approach them normally it feels like I am not packing enough of a punch to have them think of me as a potential love interest.

Can't say if being more sexually intense though would really change my results. Thus far I have felt that no matter the energy I approach with, what mostly changes is the reaction of the girls, but whether they actually meet me again or things move forward the same day/night seems to not be connected much with how I approach and run the interaction. It mostly feels like they are either into me from the beginning and open for things progressing or not.

Of course moving things the right way till the close is something else and very important, but what I mostly mean here is that most of the times I don't fully understand how to properly grab the attention of the girls I like and have them being open to at least me running some kind of game.

The one thing I believe that being more attuned to my sexual energy will do is attract more sexually available girls out of the ones that would be open to me. Because I do feel that lately I am attracting way more girls that are into finding someone nice and stable compared to ones that would like some fun and excitement.

Different girl stories

I had a date from a dating app this week, the girl was into psychedelics, burn festivals, spirituality, super open minded in general in everything apart from sex. She told me that all her friends are into kinks and open relationships and she just wants to find someone to get to know slowly and build something strong together. And it wasn't only words, she was pretty distant as well, we walked a bit, I tried to be sexually playful and to increase the tension but she wasn't buying it. We were around her area, but she was against me coming to her place.

After that first night she texted me again to meet the next afternoon, we did, sat below a tree and talked, she was telling me that even us touching legs was big for her, and that she is really looking for someone special to be with, while making new friends in the process. Anyway, I wasn't sure why I was even going out with her by that point, since that is not my vibe, but at least she was nice, so I was open to keeping her as a friend.

Next day she asked if I could go help with some other friends of hers to move some furniture in her house, I thought why not, it's a good chance to socialise, told her yes, went at her area, texted her where her house is exactly, but she never answered, so I simply went on with my day doing some approaches in the process. She texted me later at night something about that she had enough people helping, and whether I like to hike, but really I don't see any point continuing any of this.

I had another meeting with a girl I had the two dates last summer. There was a field report where she didn't want to kiss me the first time, then she came home the second time but didn't want anything casual, and I didn't push it more. We met again, had some beers, invited her to my place again, we sat inside, I took a pretty long pause to build some tension, went for a kiss and she rejected it very firmly saying that this is not what she wants and she just wants to talk, and I make her feel uncomfortable or whatever, while I told her that that's how I felt and wanted to express it.

She had also told me she had been dating a guy for the last months before breaking up and she said that now she is not in that phase. I told her I understand and didn't push it more. She wanted me to tell her everything about my travels, at some point i just told her we can leave the rest for the next time and politely had her leave my place. I didn't even text her afterwards, I don't do it with my pals after we meet anyway. And I don't think there will be a next time, at least for the next year lol

I also had a chubby cute looking girl throw herself on me in a club I went to meet a friend. This was really about seeing him again so I didn't approach, but this girl was very forward and sexual and all over me so I thought heck why not, she is making me hard.

But this didn't work out either, she was telling me I am too young for her and I want only fun while she wants something serious. I proposed we go back together, flirted a bit but she was immovable. In the end we texted and we'll see, we may meet in 3 weeks if we still feel like it, because she is leaving ( don't see it happening honestly ).

The main issue here is that she also saw me very fast as someone she wanted something serious with, told me she got very into me, and also said she is not in a friends with benefits phase, and even if she wants that she can text other guys for it. Mentioning these to illustrate that I probably don't give off the sexual vibe I would want to.

There is one last girl that seemed very positive during the approach. She was ready to give me her phone, then she saw my fake wedding ring and went 180, saying that she doesn't go with married men, and doesn't want drama in her life and I can have her instagram if I want. I convinced her that I am not married, showed her even pictures from my theater, and took her number eventually, so who knows. She responded very positively to my second text too, but I feel it will be once more a case of a girl wanting something more serious and withholding sex.

Conclusions

All in all, it's nice to be approaching, and being positive and outcome independent, that said I do feel that after many rejections and just not having sex, it is a struggle to simply keep all this. And as I said I don't even see most women right now as anything special, but it doesn't seem to matter when it comes to results. And I have a feeling that my non sexually strong state plays a role, because I am going for something, sex, that I don't feel and radiate myself, so it feels like pursuing the unnatural. On the other hand, when you are in tune with your sexual energy, you are just inviting people in and embracing them with it, not putting the work for them feel it.

How do I change this part? Some better scheduling of my days with food, sleep and working on things I value every day. I am looking for a job again so this uncertainty is not the best for feeling virile, but I should at least focus on progressing through it, believing that I will find the way. Can't help I guess when you are not excited about most of the careers you are pursuing, but I have in mind I am doing it to develop some skillsets and earn some money I could use after some years to be free to really work on things that fulfil me.

 

[gameboy]

Why does the topic of whether or not you want something serious even come up? That's not something I would talk about before the first several lays or ideally, ever. At least not until she's converted and brings it up herself.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Why does the topic of whether or not you want something serious even come up? That's not something I would talk about before the first several lays or ideally, ever. At least not until she's converted and brings it up herself.

Yeah that’s the thing, they bring it up.

The most I am doing that causes it is I am trying to talk about sex, ask them how they experience it themselves or how sexual they are.

And then I usually get a: I really enjoy it when I feel connected to someone, and I don’t like sex just casually. And then I am usually reframing it by agreeing with them and saying that I also believe connection is trust is important, but it can be done faster or slower, with some people you just feel a spark and you know it.

Or anyway something along these lines. The point is if I don’t feel the sexual energy or the tension and everything seems just polite, I am bringing up the topic to understand how they feel about it.

From this last week the online girl told me about what she wants after such a discussion. I think the old girl also told me something similar when she was in my place. And the girl in the club literally told me herself after learning my age, that I am too young for her and she wants something serious.

So in the end I am generally trying to keep it flirty, playful and increase the tension, but some girls are simply not buying it, so I am bringing up the topic of how they flirt, what kind of guys they like, how they feel sexually.

Maybe it’s all wrong, I don’t know, but I am not sure what else to do, just spend time with them, keep leading and suddenly make a move? Hasn’t worked that well.

 

[gameboy]

The most I am doing that causes it is I am trying to talk about sex, ask them how they experience it themselves or how sexual they are.

Probably best to avoid that topic for now, since it seems to be backfiring.

I'd try and find some nonverbal ways to ramp up some sexual tension. Touch, eye contact... I've read a lot here about sex talk, but haven't done it myself. In my experience talking about expectations diffuses any tension if anything.

I'm sure there is a "right" way to do it, but since I haven't done it myself I can't really comment on that.

and suddenly make a move?

Well, not "suddenly", better to ramp it up little by little... unless you're in a club / night game setting where it's normal to make out... but even then you'd probably start dancing with the girl first, or make some seductive eye contact (triangle gaze) first or whatever... but I guess you know that already

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Probably best to avoid that topic for now, since it seems to be backfiring.

Maybe you have a point here. There are times when it has worked, mostly with more sexually open minded women, but it is possible that I could have made it work with them even without talking about sex.

In my experience talking about expectations diffuses any tension if anything.

This is something I have felt yeah. I believe my main issue regarding not talking about sex is that a lot of times if I don't do it and still escalate, girls will usually bring it up themselves. They will say how they don't sleep around, or they don't want it to just be for one night, so I will have to reframe it as something normal and nice anyway.

I guess it is some kind of last minute resistance when it happens like that, but it can also happen earlier, before the pull for example. So I do feel that it helps to have talked about sex, and addressed any hesitations or objections about it.

Maybe this could also be overcome in other ways. For example connecting more and deep diving enough to have the girl feel it is not only about sex. Which is also something I am going for, especially on dates when we have more time to talk.

Something that has hurt me for sure is going for the sex talk before the interaction is ready for it. I probably need to start being more patient and not think I should have a girl ready for sex after an hour of a drink date.

And acknowledge that on certain occasions it's better to go to another place first, escalate gradually and then go for a pull. In fact I have been doing that more lately, which is why I went to a second date with the online girl. I couldn't feel any big vibe building the first night, so I gave it a chance to progress a bit more the second time, but then it felt like it was going too slowly and I would have to take her to multiple dates and really get to know her just to have her open to physical escalation.

Well, not "suddenly", better to ramp it up little by little... unless you're in a club / night game setting where it's normal to make out... but even then you'd probably start dancing with the girl first, or make some seductive eye contact (triangle gaze) first or whatever... but I guess you know that already

Yeah I understand this. With suddenly I mostly mean that with some girls the efforts to ramp up the sexual tension just don't work. When the girl is not staying close to you for a touch, or when she doesn't let silences happen, and generally you can feel that she is not receptive to escalation, I can't think much more to do apart from taking it very slowly, at her pace, until she decides to open up, or simply making a bold move and handling her reaction.

I did go for a kiss with the club girl by the way, but she turned her head and pulled away. And this is a girl that was giving me crazy amounts of sexy eye contact, kissed me on the cheek in the first seconds, was dancing closely with me, and generally seemed like she just wanted to seduce me herself. Maybe that was the problem, because she felt she had total control in the interaction.

Anyway I have a feeling that it may happen that you get girls that very specifically want something more serious, but I do get them a lot and probably has to do with the demographics as well, since all these women are generally older than me, usually above 30 from early till late.

But it's not that I only approach older women, it's just that somehow they seem to be the ones I attract the most. I am almost surprised these days when a younger girl shows interest in me. Most of the times they just tell me I am too old for them, and I guess they are not wrong, I wouldn't date most of them either, they feel like kids. I would have sex with them though, but I suppose I am not that sexy to have them desire the sex itself with me.