E's Journal

[determined]

Friday's girl flaked. It was especially disappointing because my approach went so well. I'm really at a loss as to what happened between me leaving and yesterday. My friend says I might have spent too much time with her. At any rate, I think it's time to try something different. One thing I've noticed is that when a girl cancels or flakes on me I immediately want her more. So I'm going to cancel on Monday's girl and see if it makes a difference.

I started off last night by going to a party. Early on I spotted a girl from across the room. Her friends were all playing beer pong and she was standing in the corner watching. With an opportunity like that it's hard to hesitate so I sauntered over and gave her a hip bump. About 2 minutes in I invited her to move with me and took her to another room that was less crowded and, more importantly, away from her friends. Lots of tension in our conversation, with plenty of pauses and looking into each other's eyes. About 5 minutes in we had a long pause and she asked, "What?" and I knew that all I had to do was grab her and go in for the kiss. Like a complete wimp I looked away, and she went to the bathroom... I don't know if I chickened out because there were people watching or because I had just met her 5 minutes before. Didn't talk to her again.

Later that night I went to a bar. Ran into a girl I asked out Wednesday but who had a boyfriend, and she was very happy to see me. Strange since I was very forward with her - some girls are creeped out by it. Depends on the girl I guess. Highlight of the night was me talking to this one girl I knew. I always thought she was into me, but I also thought she had a boyfriend and had never gotten the chance to be alone with her, so I haven't done anything. Last night I was being flirty and sexual as usual, and she says,

her: We should hang out more.
me: Yeah, we should.
her: Do you have my number?
me, as I'm entering it in my phone: You do have a boyfriend, right?
her: No.
me: Oh, I thought you did.
her: No, I've never had a boyfriend in college.
me: OK, I'll text you.

First time a girl has offered to give me her number without me asking. I didn't even have any intention of asking since I thought she was taken. I did nothing except be chill. This girl was with friends, though, and as at any bar or party at my school, there were much more guys than girls and they were hitting on her. It was nice that multiple times some guy would pull her away from me, and I would just lean against the wall and wait until after a minute or so she'd come back. Still, I didn't pursue her last night because the logistics weren't there. I'll try to text her for some one on one time soon.

Afterwards I talked to another girl who thought I was a complete creep even though I really didn't do anything too forward besides a bit of chase framing, so I guess that evens things out. Chatted with a few other girls I know, but nothing interesting.

Oh, and yesterday afternoon while I was waiting for the bus a beautiful girl walked by. She's in one of my classes, so of course on the first day of the semester I sat next to her with the intention of meeting her. A few seconds after I sat down, right as I turned my head towards her to speak, she looked over my shoulder and waved to someone. It was a guy she knew. He said "excuse me," and she moved away from me for him to sit between us. I spent the rest of that lecture sitting next to this guy... I've had my eye on her all semester, but she always sits with him and they leave together. I've also spotted her walking outside of class a few times, but I always hesitate.

So yesterday she walks by me and I have plenty of time to think as she nears. I stop her:

me: Hey, you're in Econ, right?
her: Yeah.
me: I've been meaning to tell you, you're really cute.
her, with a great smile: Aw, thanks, I'm _______
me: I'm E. What are you up to?
her: I'm meeting a friend for lunch, and I'm late. I actually have to go.
me: Me too, I'm actually waiting for the bus which should come innnn 2 minutes.
her: "OK", and starts to walk away
me: But lets see each other again.
her, turning with a smile: "Yeah," but keeps walking
me: Coffee?
her, turning again: "Sure, sounds good," and still keeps walking
me, yelling because at this point she's in the middle of the street: As in, give me your number.
her: Oh, yeah.

My shortest interaction yet where I got a number. We'll see if that has any effect on flaking. I also saw her last night at the bar, but she was with friends so I just made brief eye contact and smiled. Weak, I know. As she was leaving she passed by me to grab her coat. I said "hey," and looked at her suggestively. She said she was sorry, but really had to go and walked right into the arms of some other guy. They kissed and left together. I don't really care what she does when she's not with me, I just wonder if she'll still want to see me again.

E

 

[determined]

On Sunday I texted the girl who offered me her number Friday to set up a date. She claimed not to remember seeing me or giving me her number, which is weird because she didn't seem drunk at all. Either way, she said she'd love to hang out with me and we agreed on Wednesday. I cancelled on her on Tuesday to play hard to get and we rescheduled for next Tuesday. I also cancelled on Monday's girl that same day, but received no response from her. I'll see her in class tomorrow so I'll test out the waters. Tuesday's girl cancelled on me, but that's ok. I wasn't very into her or else I would've cancelled on her.

I found Ricardus's article, "call girls to success." Great insights, and I decided to put some of his techniques to use. Texted 2 girls who either flaked on a date or never responded to my texts, pretending like it was I who broke off communication. No responses, but I'll try it with some more girls. Also texted Econ girl on Tuesday to schedule a meetup. Since it was 4 days after I got her number, I did the same thing, apologizing for dropping off the map and ignoring her, claiming I've been super busy. She replied a few hours later, saying she was free the next day and then would be busy all week. Tried to schedule the date for today, but when she didn't respond by 11pm I preemptively cancelled on her, telling her we'll figure it out as next week approaches.

Today I was playing volleyball in the front yard of my fraternity house when I noticed an attractive girl out on a walk. Caught up to her (of course I'm wearing no shirt or shoes) and could see she was older than me. She asked if I was dared to approach her because it was "ballsy" and I said of course not. Asked if she wanted to grab coffee sometime and she said yes, but neither of us had our phones on. I told her she had to turn around and walk back with me to my house where my phone was, which she did (we were about 2 minutes away by the time I asked her out). When we got back she asked my friends if I always pick up girls. I replied, "I'm pretty picky." I'm upset because I should've told her to forget about her walk and hang out with me right then. We were already at my house... I even saw her on her way back from her walk, but didn't think to call her over.

Remember: Go for instant dates.

Later she responded to my texts very quickly and we agreed to coffee on Saturday. She tried to start a text conversation and I did a good job deflecting her:

her: What are you going to school for?
me: Computer science. I'll tell you all about it on Saturday .
her: Ooo you're going to leave me hanging?! Ha ha. I see how it is. I'm 27 years old... just so you know. How old are you?
me: 15
her: Ohhh stop. Jail bait.

Saying "15" was good. I didn't want to turn her off by telling her "21," and "15" allowed me to deflect the question while also being witty and challenging. Not going to cancel on her because she seems so interested already. Why was she so responsive? I was certainly smooth with her, but I've had good interactions before. Maybe it's because she doesn't go to my school. The college is mostly male, so maybe the girls here feel more entitled, or after I leave with their number they think and remember how many other guys they could have. Or maybe it's the fact that she's older which makes me less intimidating, or the fact that I met her outside. It's possible that the way I approach on campus makes it obvious that I'm trying to pick up girls.

One other thing: as a result of me being more flirty and sexual with girls, they treat me that way. My friend's new girlfriend suggested to set me up with her sister.

E

 

[PrettyDecent]

her: What are you going to school for?
me: Computer science. I'll tell you all about it on Saturday .
her: Ooo you're going to leave me hanging?! Ha ha. I see how it is. I'm 27 years old... just so you know. How old are you?
me: 15
her: Ohhh stop. Jail bait.

Many good things done here. Witty answer for the age.

Look forward to reading more,
Jake

 

[determined]

It's been a long time - I just haven't gotten around to journaling. Finally had my first date, with the 27 year old, A, the Saturday after I met her. I was definitely nervous for it. She picked me up from my house. When I went out to meet her I purposely left my wallet in my room. Then when I got in the car I suddenly "realized" my forgetfulness and told her to come inside with me. In my room I tried to escalate, but she stopped me, saying she "doesn't know what kind of girls I'm used to," but "Have you ever heard of dating?" So we returned to the car towards a local sports bar.

The date itself went very well - I enjoyed myself and I'm sure she did, too. We were there for about an hour, with lots of deep diving, some touching (mostly her touching me), and me doing my best to use chase and sexual frames. As we started driving she said that I can't just take a girl to my room and make moves on her. Me: "Yes I can. I can do whatever I want." She mentioned that I'm often shirtless - both times she's seen me so far I've been in my fraternity house's yard without a shirt - and asked if I would be able to keep it on for the duration of the date. I responded, "Are you just trying to get me to take off my shirt right now?" She also commented that I'm very forward. I countered, "You're smiling, though." Later it came up that the shorts I wore on the day I approached her had "wrestling" written on them, and she claimed she didn't notice because she wasn't looking down there. I replied, "You were a little bit." That was a complete lie, but she laughed, "You noticed that?" Upon pressing her further ("Noticed what?"), she confessed that she had told her sister that I wore athletic shorts that "didn't leave much to the imagination." The sister asked A what she saw down there. A was happy with what she saw. Haha, can't believe she told me that.

We had a funny moment when she mentioned a second date and asked if I was planning to forget my wallet again. She knew I did it on purpose. I immediately started laughing, then asked why she followed me in the house if she recognized it was a trick. She said she knew she could take me.

We split the bill (she offered), and I observed that she's "actually the older one, so you can take care of me. But how will I ever repay you?" Later, on the way back, she said it was stupid that she had come to pick me up when she lived so close to me.

me: Should I have come over to your place?
her: No no. I don't like the way you said that.
me: How else would we have done it?
her: I could've given you a piggy back ride.

When she dropped me off I invited her to come inside again, but she said no. I tried to kiss her, but upon persisting she would only give me a hug. So I ran my hand up and down her leg real quick and exited the car, then blew her a kiss as I walked away.

The more I think about it the worse I feel. I was an asshole - definitely too forward and I showed all my cards before building the necessary connection. When I tried to schedule a second date she said that she was looking to settle down and doesn't want to waste my time. It's unfortunate. I was definitely looking forward to seeing her again. Lesson learned.

Since then, same old same old: approaches, numbers, parties, no dates. Interesting that my first date came with a girl who isn't a student at my school. Part of it might be that girls at my school have so many options and feel entitled. Yesterday I met another local girl who was taking a walk, so maybe that'll work out again. She wouldn't give me her number, though. She would only take mine because "she kind of has a boyfriend." So I probably won't hear from her. Just read Chase's article on never going backwards - I was persistent about getting her number, but I should've walked away before capitulating.

I haven't been approaching as much lately because with the semester winding down my options are decreasing. Looking forward to some travelling after I graduate and then moving to a big city, where I'll be able to step it up.

 

[determined]

Wrote this post a few days ago:

On Wednesday many of my senior class went on a short cruise. I was talking in a group of 4 on deck, one of which was a girl named K whom I was interested in. We had met a few times before, but hadn't spent much time together. I concentrated on her, deep diving, and waited for a moment when the other 2 in our group would be holding a private conversation. When that moment came I announced that I was going inside to get a glass of water and invited K to come along. She did. After filling my glass I claimed I wanted to sit down instead of going back outside, and suggested we go to the lowest floor of the ship because there would be less people there. I took her to the farthest corner of the room, which was completely deserted, and we sat down at a table next to each other.

More deep diving, she kept touching my leg, but wasn't leaning in as if she was wanted me to make a move. At an appropriate moment I went in for the kiss, but she turned her head.

me: Why did you turn your head?
her: I never do this.
me: Do what?
her: Kiss guys I've just met.
me: We're practically soulmates. (not the best line, I know, but it's what came out of my mouth. What should I have said?)
Don't remember what she said here.
me: Then why have you been touching my leg all night?
her: I have? I'm sorry, I didn't notice myself doing that.
me: Don't be sorry.


A bit more of this, and I touched her leg for the first time, then back to deep diving to relax her. Here she again touched my leg while talking, this time noticing herself doing it and apologized. I replied, "Don't stop," which again wasn't the best response - it makes me too forward, I think. It's hard to convey tone over writing, and I think that the way I said both of these lines wasn't too bad. Anyway, I believe i should've just kept the conversation going as if it didn't happen. Not sure. At the next appropriate moment I went in for a kiss again, and she again turned her head. I think I said, "Come on."

her: "I won't be very good,"
me: "That's ok."
We kissed. I kept it short because I didn't want to release too much tension and I wanted to leave her wanting more - wanted her to come home with me later.
me: That wasn't too bad, was it?
her: I don't know, you tell me.
me: It was perfect.


Then just a bit more talking before a cruise worker came to tell us that we'd landed. Upstairs people were dancing, hanging out, and waiting for the buses. We split up, talking to other people, then ended up on different buses back (my mistake). We were all planning to go to a bar, so I knew I'd see her soon, but I'd lost the opportunity to invite her to skip the bar. Was giving her space a mistake? Should I have made more of an effort to keep the interaction intimate? I felt that if all our friends saw us together it would be weird for her. My plan was to take her home that night, so I know the kiss was dangerous, releasing tension. I didn't have logistics to go farther on the boat, but I saw the opportunity so I took it. I wanted to invite her home before going to the bar, but I couldn't get her alone after we came upstairs.

So bar it was. As soon as we got there the mood changed. Where before everything was so smooth and natural, now I was making more of an effort, commanding her to come over and initiating conversation. She seemed to have lost interest and I was too aggressive. I felt like she wasn't coming to me, so I chased her.

I talked to a few other girls at the bar, and it actually went pretty well. My interactions are getting smoother. One cute girl was standing with her back to me, and right as I was about to open her, some guy spilled a drink on the back of her legs. She turned around and gave me an exasperated look. I said, "Yeah, that guy sucks. I'm E." I turned that event into her opening me. After talking for a bit I invited her to sit (I was sitting on a stool the whole time). She claimed to be ok standing. So instead of arguing with her, I acted as if I hadn't heard her. I simply removed the item that was on the stool next to me and patted the seat, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world that she did want to sit with me. And she sat. More deep diving, then a silence. She broke it with, "I have to go find my friend. I'll be right back." I hate those words... "I have to find my friend," and "I have to go to the bathroom."

I think that silence was the window where I should've moved things forward, inviting her to move with me, away from her friends, or maybe even inviting her home. Missing these moments is a recurring problem for me - I'll work on it. When she got up to leave I didn't press her to stay, another mistake. I think I believed she'd come back. Rookie. Never let them leave.

My friends and I, including K, stayed at the bar very near closing, when it was almost empty. We were playing shuffleboard, with K and I on the same side of the table, talking, when someone called my name. I turned to see the French girl, the same one I'd hooked up with early this semester when we'd been interrupted and who I'd failed to escalate with once more after that. I've been texting her once in a while since then to meet up, and she would spontaneously text me, but would never schedule anything. I had come to the conclusion that she only wanted to string me along for the attention, so I refused to put any investment into her. Only minimal texting to to invite her over. No dates.

Anyway, she was standing there, very drunk, trying to engage me. I was polite, but didn't bite and continued playing, so she came closer and began to get in the way of the game, pushing me up against the wall and messing with our table. Eventually one of my friends got frustrated enough that he decided to stop playing until she left. We all consolidated into a circle away from Frenchy, ignoring her.

I then went over to her and told her that her behavior was not ok, that if she wanted to hang out like normal people she can call me when she's sober, and that right now she should back off. She went back to the guy she had come with and soon left with him. Definitely just wanted attention. Looking back, I should have come down on her harder. I should have forced her away as soon as she started behaving obnoxiously, and shouldn't have told her that we could hang out. I had laughed and smiled as she ruined our game, and was way too diplomatic in telling her off. The reason I acted that way was that I still wanted to sleep with her, and it looked as if it wasn't happening with K that night. I wanted Frenchy as a backup so I put up with her shit. That's weak.

I don't think it did good things for me, having to forcefully fend off this drunk girl. Did it make me seem preselected, or like a slut? Especially since K was so inexperienced (more on this later), it probably intimated her and reduced her interest in me. I texted Frenchy the next day, "Not sure what you remember from last night, but I'm not interested in playing games. If you truly want to spend time with me then come over today. If not then leave me alone." No response, so deleted her number. Not that it mattered since that was 2 days before graduation. I've taken a lot of teasing from her.

When I got back to my friends K was talking mainly to one of my good friends, a guy named E. I was tired and didn't want to seem like I was chasing her so I stayed out of the conversation. We had shots and then sat down, 4 of us, with her in the booth next to him. We talked for a bit, with me saying almost nothing, and before I knew it he had his arm around her and they were stroking each others' legs. How did that happen? Very soon our ride was ready to leave, and E said that he would stay (K was getting back with someone else). E stayed despite the fact that he had wanted to leave just a bit earlier. I left, frustrated - not that I'd lost her, that's fine and I'm ok with failing as I gain experience, but frustrated that he had taken her. They later left together, but didn't have sex.

What would have happened had he not hit it off with her like that? Would I have taken her home? Probably not. I would've tried to get her alone to invite her home, and she probably would have turned me down. She had lost interest. I talked to E about it later - he didn't even invite her. SHE asked HIM if she could come. Minimal effort on his part - clearly she wanted him. Why him and not me? Escalation windows?

I am proud of one thing, though: I learned later that K really was very inexperienced. She very rarely kissed anyone she didn't know very well before, and had never gone home with someone she'd just met (she and E had talked for the first time after Frenchy interrupted us. They literally knew each other for 1 hour). She was a virgin. E's a great guy, but not forward at all, and like I said, had really put in zero work. So did I bring that side of K out? By being smooth, showing interest, and kissing her on that boat, did I increase her confidence and turn her into a more open and liberal person? Awesome if I did.

Lessons learned tonight:
[*]DON'T CHASE
[*]Keep escalation windows in mind
[*]Jump on opportunities to move the interaction forward

That was on Wednesday. Today is Sunday - I'm graduated, and as I write this I'm on a plane to Paris for a week on my own. I'll very intensely work on my game there, just like on spring break, and we'll see how much I've improved. There'll be so many girls in Paris...a big change from my college. From now on I'll have so much more opportunity. It'll be great.

E

 

[determined]

First day in Paris: only approached 4 girls. None of them would even talk to me. Didn't even learn their names.

Second day: 10 approaches. This time I managed to talk to some of them for a bit, but still didn't get far enough into the conversation to ask for a date.

Third day: 20 approaches. Things went better today, much warmer responses. I actually had some conversations and asked some of these girls out. I agreed to grab coffee with one of them tomorrow. It's very hard to get into deep diving with girls while they're going about their business. I'm sure I could have gotten more numbers if I could get these girls to stop walking and engage fully. Also, many of these girls shut me down before I even finished my opener, and some shut me down as soon as I said "hi." I did most of my approaches on the Champs Elysees - girls must get hit on all the time there. And I met at least 4 girls today who were engaged or married. What's up with that?

One girl I talked to today was 16... As I was entering her name in my phone I asked her what she was studying. She said high school. I stopped typing her name, haha. Balanced that out by next approaching a 33 year old who wouldn't go out with me because I was too young. I persisted till the end, but I should have gone back to deep diving instead of arguing with her. Then I could have built more rapport and asked her out again. I actually did that with her once, but I met her at the supermarket and the second time I asked her out she was leaving. I hadn't checked out yet so I had to get a number right then. I swear both of these girls appeared in their twenties.

E

 

[PrettyDecent]

Cool stuff here. I'm similarly going to be approaching in Paris soon, so its pretty rad to see someone already doing it.

Let us know how the rest goes!

 

[determined]

Looks like my past 3 days' results weren't indicative of Paris or of me - it was just the location.

Fourth day: 17 approaches; 1 instant date; 2 numbers, one of which I'm very confident about for tomorrow; and 2 girls who took my number, one of whom because she has a boyfriend and was hesitant even though we spent a good deal of time together and she agreed to go out with me at first before mentioning him at the very end, and the other because she just arrived in Paris from the states on a foreign exchange program so she doesn't have a phone yet.

Yesterday's girl didn't return my texts, not very surprisingly. The forecast was lots of rain so I went to the Louvre, only to find it closed. I met an attractive local outside who had also planned to visit the museum, so we instead went to Centre Georges Pompidou. We spent about 2 fun hours together, getting to know each other and making fun of the modern art. As we exited the museum I tried Chase's trick of taking her hand and wrapping it around me, but she wouldn't because she's "not a player." Try as I might to get her to sit down at a cafe or to come cook dinner with me, she entered the metro towards home.

It was raining at that point, but very mildly, and the rest of the day wasn't as bad as predicted either, so I spent it all in the area around the museum, approaching girls. One I met at Zara who seemed very interested in me. She brought up the fact that she'd be free tomorrow evening without me asking, and also requested my number because she might visit the states at some point. We agreed to meet tomorrow when she gets off work.

And I actually made 18 approaches today, but I think I approached the same girl twice. Oops.

PrettyDecent, my advice is to stay away from Les Champs Elysees. Rue de Rivoli, near Georges Pompidou, was much much better. Not quite as many people, but a younger crowd, so plenty of cute girls and they're way friendlier. Also, do you speak any French? A surprising number of locals don't speak English so my French has been a huge help.

Boy, are my feet tired from the past 4 days.

E

 

[determined]

Haven't gotten a chance to post in a while so this is 1.5 week's worth of events. Also looks like I lost my writeup of my last day in Paris even though I remember writing it. Doesn't matter, nothing interesting. Running street game in Israel I've gotten so many rejections. I need to preopen better. Even the one girl I sat next to on the train wouldn't go out with me. We talked the for the duration of the ride, but at the end of it she said she "doesn't give her number to strangers." Persisted till she got annoyed with me.

There was one more girl who I had a good interaction with. Saw her waiting at a bus stop. Like a bitch I waited until we saw the bus coming to ask her out. By the time I pulled out my phone the bus doors were closing...

Since that night I've had a friend, Dave, from the States here. He came here on a Birthright trip and extended his trip, so we've been hanging out with others from his trip. He's a really cool guy, 3 years younger than me. Naturally very social and outgoing and does well with girls, but has never approached. Most of the others from his trip aren't as socially calibrated and have been holding us back. I'd rather hang out with them as little as possible. Some are really cool, though.

Things have been going better with Dave for some reason. His first day here we went to a gay pride beach party and I pushed him to approach girls. Adapted Ricardus' "Are you single?" into "Are you straight?" We opened 4 sets, and I number closed 2. One 3 set were on a program from Uruguay, very attractive. They said they needed to find their friends, but I got them to come sit with us for a bit anyways. Talked with mine, suggested we go in the water, and when they declined I number closed and said goodbye. Don't expect to see her because they live in Jerusalem, which is far, and don't have a car. Another 3 set, one girl immediately engaged me, but she was drunk and annoying so I started talking to her friend instead and she set her sights on Dave. Number closed my girl, who was very cute and very cool. Drunk Girl got Dave's number.

One 2 set claimed they were gay. I said I didn't believe them so they made out in front of us, haha. Both my numbers returned my ice breaker text, but neither responded the next day when I asked when they were free. Meanwhile Drunk starts texting Dave that day to meet up.

That night we went to a club. Opened lots of girls, got some engagement, but no investment. I did much better early when the club was relatively empty, because I could sit and talk with a girl. Need to get better at approaching on the dance floor or with loud music where hearing is tough. When we left 2 girls entered the elevator with us. They fixed their hair in the mirror, so I asked, "Does your hair look ok?" The girl I engaged didn't hook until I introduced Dave. She got excited that he was American. Split up when we exited the elevator, but then we saw them sitting at a bus stop. I made Dave reapproach his girl and gamed the other one. Agreed to a beach double date Thursday.

The next night Drunk Girl was in Tel Aviv again and texted Dave to come find her. She was with a girl friend and a gay guy friend, so I came along. The friend turned out to be the girl I number closed the day before. Walking back to our place, it turned out that she has a boyfriend. Most of the way it was me, my girl, and Gay Friend walking together in front, with Dave and Drunk behind us. Tried to vibe with her, but it was hard with him in the conversation. I maintained a super chill vibe - girl and Gay both agreed I was very calming. When she didn't believe that I was 21 we agreed to bet that if it's true she'd buy me a coffee. Of course I won, and she spent the rest of our walk avoiding setting a date.

I burned it to the ground, pushing and pulling her, putting her arm around me. At first she laughed and reminded me about the boyfriend, and eventually she became annoyed. We got back to my place and Dave fucked Drunk. I still havent gotten laid on cold approach, but I got Dave laid...

Been getting numbers on the beach since then, no meets. Yesterday while riding a bike I saw a very cute girl distributing flyers. We made eye contact as I passed, so I stopped and approached. Made eye contact again and smiled as I walked back to her, and she smiled shyly at the ground. Hooked very well after that, but she was 17 with braces so I bailed.

Moral: preopening is so powerful. Get a girl to stop and make eye contact before opening. Makes things much better. If I can't get her to stop and look at me then I won't be able to get her to do anything. Saying hi and then stopping, holding eye contact silently until they stop works well. If they keep walking, calling out "Wait!" sometimes works. I got better at this once I became conscious of it and now girls stop for me more often.

Lately I've been getting around by bike, and I've found that it's very helpful for preopening. I'll pass a cute girl and then get off the bike in front of her and look at her as she catches up. They're much more likely to look at me, so they engage much better when I open. Got one girl's number this way today.

Reading Chase's article on touch, I realize that I need to touch girls more. Will work on it.

One thing about Israel, all the girls here look young. I'm approaching lots of girls who are way older than me and/or married. Can't get these older women interested.

 

[determined]

Friday night Dave told me that 2 girls we knew had said that I was creepy. They had used that word, "creepy," and spoke specifically about a face I make. Dave agreed with them that the face is creepy. It's tough for me because I'm not sure exactly what it is I'm doing. I wasn't trying to be overly sexy with these girls since they're social circle and have boyfriends, and I'm definitely not hitting on Dave, so that fact that I've done this face to him means that I don't do it as a flirty thing on purpose. I think what they're talking about is my intense eye contact - I tilt my head when I listen to people and look at them out of the corners of my eyes, like in Chases' article on eye contact. Since Dave told me about that I've been more conscious of it and tried to err on the side of less eye contact. Dave said I was fine Saturday night, but we only hung out with my sister so I wasn't being sexy at all. I've also found out that I have some other mannerisms I need to change.

Dave got in my head Friday night. Besides that tip he also told me that I'm going about things wrong by cold approaching and being too forward; that it won't work, that quality girls don't have sex on the first date, that people see me going after and failing with every girl I spot and it makes me look bad, and that it's a small world so things will get back to me. I had a hard time approaching the next day, but I'm over it now and back to normal. I know it's possible, I want it, and I won't stop working till I get it.

A few relaxed days in terms of game. Dave left today so from now on I'll be able to write more. Only 3 approaches today because it was a busy day. I think I performed pretty well even though I didn't get any numbers.

First one was a girl I spotted on a bench while riding my bike. I stopped and turned around, which always gets a better initial response. Opened with a complement, took her hand, and sat with her. Talked for a bit - she was working at a store across from the bench. Then a lady from the store next door sat next to her and began talking to her, too. That cockblocked me as I didn't want to make it awkward for the girl in front of this woman she knows. I said I had to go, which I did, and asked her out anyways. Told me she had a boyfriend. I didn't push it. As I asked her out I touched her. This is something I'm going to do as often as possible from now on. Never thought about it until I read Chases touch article 2 days ago. I also took her hand the right way, which is something I've been neglecting. Shaking hands makes them hook better. I was chill the whole time - something I've been struggling with is expressing interest while remaining aloof. It's hard.

Tonight was my grandmother's birthday party. The guests were all old, but the catering girls were cute. Approached the most attractive one with a complement. She liked it. I took her hand, asked if she was allowed to sit down with me for a bit and she said she's not, so I asked her out with no deep diving. Boyfriend, of course. Didn't want to persist with the catering girls.

Last one was another catering girl who was serving dessert. I was wary about approaching her since I'd already hit on the other one (is that ok?), which is why I went more indirect. Some witty banter with her 2 separate times about the dessert and her job, then I returned to my table. I should've kept talking to her, but at that point I didn't think I was going to ask her out. Once I got back to my table the second time I realized I have nothing to lose, so strolled back up to her when no one was around:

me: I don't want any more dessert. (Weak... I said it because she gave me a questioning look, as if asking what I wanted her to serve me.)
(pause)
Are you single?
her: What?
me: Are you single?
her: Yeah
me: Do you want to go out sometime?
her: How old are you?
me: How old are you?
her: I asked first.
me: I'm 22.
her: Really?
me: Tomorrow is my birthday.
her: Me too, in a week.
me: When are you free?
her: What if I told you I'm 4 years younger than you?
me: That's ok. You're 18?
her: Yeah.
me: You're going in the army soon, then.
her: Yeah.
me: When?
her: It's not set yet.
me: Are you excited or dreading it? (not sure if I really asked this or if I only meant to when we were interrupted. Anyway, don't remember her response.)
me:Where do you live?
her: Kfar Saba.
me: I'll be in Tel Aviv till July 3rd. I'm from the states. Will you be able to get there?
her: No.
me: I'm sure you can get there (not the right thing to say). You got here.
her: Yeah, with my coworkers.
me: You don't have a car?
her: no.
me: You won't be able to get there?
her: No.
me: Ok. Bye.

From the conversation it looks like she was completely uninterested, but her body language was positive. It really went ok. If she had been attracted enough to me she would have found a way to get to Tel Aviv. though. What should I have done differently? She was standing behing a counter, so no touching. Didn't exchange names either and no shaking hands. Also, at one point in the conversation my sister came over to borrow my phone and I told her "in a bit," waiting for her to leave before continuing the conversation. A bit later one of the girl's coworkers came over and I again paused the conversation until she left. The 3 of us spoke for a bit.

One more thing about Israel - most girls in my age group are in the army so the girls I meet are mostly either in high school or older than me, which makes things harder.

 

[determined]

Something like 13 approaches yesterday.

First girl I stopped on the street, complemented, and shook hands with:
me: What are you up to?
her: Just running some errands.
me: Why do you look so suspicious? (She smiles) There's a smile. (Here she began to relax and engage) Do you live here in Tel Aviv?
her: Yeah.
me: For how long?
her: A long time.
me: You must love it then.
her: Sorry, that's my bus. I have to go.

Damn it, didn't know she was catching a bus. I think I did well and just needed more time.

Second one was walking and eating. I got in half an opener before she looked away and kept walking. I followed a few yards to a red light. I didn't continue the opener because I know she should be stopped and looking at me first. She stayed turned away from me, but I didn't feel like giving up:

me: Do our always look away when someone is talking to you?
her: Sorry, you caught me taking a bite. (The light turned green and she started crossing.)
me: Wait. (Caught up to her.) I just (pause) thought you were cute. I'm E.
(Now we were on the other side of the street and stopped.)
her: Thanks but this is the extent of our interaction.
me: What are you up to?
her: Meeting a friend. How old are you anyway?
me: How old are you?
her: 25.
me: 22 so perfect.
her: I'm sorry, but I'm not interested. I don't want to bring you down.
me: You can't bring me down. Do you live in Tel Aviv? (She walked away.)

While in the ocean I saw a cute Russian girl with her friend. When her friend almost ran into me while body surfing a wave we smiled at each other. I waited for an opportunity when she'd be away from her friend, and she ended up exiting the water before I talked to her. Her friend stayed in, though, so when I exited I found her lying alone. Opened indirectly with "Are you Russian?" Long conversation. There was a language barrier so I didn't get too deep, but we managed. Used the bored look at first to get her to participate. While we talked her 2 friends came back, talked some in Russian, then left to get ice cream. My girl said they asked if she needed help and she said "no." Touched her througout, and when asking her out. Brought her to where my stuff was to get her number.

We ran into problems because her number is Russian, so when she began to leave while I was still torubleshooting I grabbed hand and told her to stay. She squatted next to me. I offered her to sit on my towel, but she declined. Why? Anyway, her position allowed me to touch her leg when asking a question. She's 26 and also asked my age, but didn't seem to mind. Told her to let me know when her plans ended later. She hasn't contacted me.

Saw her in the water after by herself, but I didn't know what to do and she didn't open me. Should've gone over.

There was another girl sitting next to me on the beach - that's why I chose that spot initially. Since she wasn't moving I went in the water and took my time before opening her so she didn't think I was a player. She saw me get the Russian girl's number, though. Opened her anyway, complement, and she said she didn't want to talk to me. Persisted, asking questions which she wouldn't answer. Left for a while to find other girls, and when I returned asked her what book she was reading. She got up and left, haha.

Opened 2 separate American girls in the water. Both indirect. One was stretching so I asked if she was a dancer, and the other I asked if she was American. Some conversation with both. Dancer wasn't participating as much as I wanted so I tried to use the bored look, but it wasn't as effective in the water because we weren't up close and face to face. Should've closed distance right away. We disengaged and she left the water before I reopened her. She was 23 and asked my age.

Second American started asking questions before I did, but she was only in Tel Aviv for the day and with her family the whole time. Rest of the time she's 2 hours North. She asked my age, too, but was younger.

Need to:

• Close more distance right away.
• Learn to project a smooth, sexy vibe in the water, where it's harder to stay stationary. On second thought, maybe what I need is to just get physical as quickly as possible and toss her into the water. Or else maybe get them to come out of the water with me.
• Speak louder when opening, with confidence

E

 

[determined]

Started off today by going to the mall. I found it so much harder to approach in there, I think it's because it's so crowded. I feel like I can't talk with a girl without people seeing and hearing. It's so stupid - there were so many girls in soldier's uniforms there, finally the right age group for me, but I only approached 1 of them. Even with her, as I stopped her some guy noticed and stared at us the whole time. She immediately told me she has a boyfriend. Spent over an hour at the mall with only 1 approach...

As I was renting a bike to ride to the beach, a girl asked me for help returning hers. She was a 6 or a 7 so I hesitated at first, then decided to go for it. Helped her, making small talk. I didn't have time to deep dive and I let the conversation fade while locking her bike in, so she started walking away. Wasn't going to pursue it, but changed my mind after I'd passed her on my bike. Circled back, which must've made me look very spontaneous and natural. She had told me earlier that she was a Russian tourist who has friends in Israel, but was going to a museum alone, so all I said when I reached her was, "Are you going to be alone often? Do you want to grab coffee or a drink with me?" Gave her my number since she can't use her phone here.

Approached 1 more girl who wasn't interested on my way to the beach, then a pair of Swedes on the beach. They wouldn't comply when I asked them to move so I ejected with the intention of reopening later. Then my sister showed up and the opportunity didn't arise.

Need to:

• Push my comfort zone and approach in front of people. Just be cool - it only makes me look like a boss.

E

 

[determined]

Went to the mall again Thursday and again approached only 1 girl, a 19 year old soldier. She was texting up against a rail by herself so it really was impossible for me not to open her. Still took me way too long to go over. She was friendly enough, but preoccupied with her phone trying to find her friend. I still think my voice was too soft and unconfident. When I told her I'd just graduated college she said I looked 7... That's a real problem in Israel. Anyway, eventually her friend found her and I let them go.

After that I posted up against a wall with the intention of stopping girls who walked by me. I thought that would be easy for me, but I still failed. Definitely going to keep going to the mall because this feels like sliding backwards.

That evening I met with a female friend from high school who moved to Israel. Had a crush on her back in high school, but didn't know what to do about it so I barely talked to her. She contacted me after seeing on fb that I was in Israel, so we set up a meet. Last week she cancelled on me after agreeing to drinks, so this time I invited her to chill at the pool in my building. She came over at night when it was colder so she didn't want to go for a swim. I didn't push it, and also felt that it was too early to invite her upstairs. We sat by the pool for a few awkward minutes until she suggested we go out. I agreed. Should I not have? Should I have invited her upstairs or pushed her to jump in the pool with me? We hadn't seen each other in a year or so and there was no rapport yet. Definitely would not have been appropriate to escalate so soon.

Anyway, we walked to find a nice bar. On the way she mentioned a boyfriend, so I decided to be careful and play it by ear since she's in my social circle. I took the opportunity to practice my deep diving and connection building skills. We didn't get really comfortable until after we sat down and ordered drinks. Soon after, though, we were bonding more than we ever had before. I know that at least some of the things she told me, she'd only ever shared with one other person. The interaction wasn't sexual - if it was a different girl who I was willing to be more aggressive with, it would have been hard to get her home. I feel, though, that if I did succeed in getting her alone with me I could have escalated fairly smoothly at this point.

We were probably at the bar for about an hour when she mentioned that she had to leave in 20 minutes to catch the last bus back. I didn't know that she didn't have a car - looks like she made a bit of an effort to see me. I remarked on it, but in an apologetic way. Should have chase framed it. So I walk her to the bus station, a bit of touching, and we part. She invited me to a show on the beach she was going to the next day and told me about 3 times that I should come.

Friday I went to the show. I didn't meet up with this girl because she forgot her cellphone at home, so I took the opportunity to approach some other girls. 4 sets. 2 blew me off, 1 wouldn't comply when I asked, and 1 didn't hook. My sister was with me and said I look like I want it too bad. And I do want it. How can I go direct while hiding that? At this point I feel like I keep doing the same thing and getting nowhere. What do I change? And why were reactions to my approach so much better in school, where the male/female ratio was so bad?

That night I accompanied my family to a dinner party. One of the other young adults, who's a few years older than me, really dominated the conversation. In a good way, everyone listened to him when he spoke and he engaged everyone. I've known him for a while and his social calibration is hard to miss, but only now that I've been working on this do I really appreciate it. I hope to hang out with him one on one before I leave and learn from him.

Things to work on:

• playfulness - I feel like I'm too serious
• facial expressions
• being aloof

 

[determined]

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

First approach was direct and she blew me off.

Second was a girl on an easy chair at the beach. I went indirect, asking if she was alone. She was a tourist from Holland with her 15 year old Israeli nephew. He soon returned, which made things awkward for me. She asked some questions, but didn't seem super engaged and talked to him as well as me. I acted aloof, disengaging every time I felt she wasn't participating enough. Eventually she told her nephew that she wanted to leave because it was getting late and they had planned to go shopping. He wanted a few more minutes, so I waited a minute then invited her in the water with me. She said they were leaving, so I said, "Then you have to go in the water one last time." She smiled and complied.

In the water she told me that she draws naked women, so I said, "You have a dirty mind. You're not gonna take advantage of me, are you?" She laughed and said no. She soon said that she had to go. On our way out I asked her plans for that night (this was her last day in Tel Aviv). She said she was with family, so I invited her for a drink after. She said she wouldn't have time. I should have boldly tried to escalate in the water.

Third approach was again on the beach. Direct, and she said, "Thank you, but I'm not interested."

Fourth was another girl on the beach, reading. I parked next to her and began reading myself, then when she looked uncomfortable in the sand, I commented, "Do you always go to the beach without a towel?" Turns out she's American visiting her boyfriend and he's at work. We talked for a bit, and that's it.

I can't touch a girl when we're sitting on the beach because we're never close enough. It's weird for me to sit so close to her unless she's on the sand without a towel and unless I open her before sitting down. Opening before sitting down seems premeditated, though. Maybe it's worth it. The solution might be to invite her in the water as soon as possible.

 

[determined]

Friday, July 5th, 2013

Have done very little approaching lately and I'm ready to start back up. Approach Anxiety is creeping back in. Spent some time walking around San Francisco today and asked 3 girls if they're single. First one I stopped with a claw. Very weak - hesitant body language, soft voice, not enough of a pause before starting to speak. She replied, "no, sorry." Just weak.

Second girl said it wasn't a good time, but I ignored that statement. I got her to stop before opening, then we walked together. I didn't go very deep on any thread and she was actually asking me more questions that I was of her. The plus side of this was that I probably came off very aloof. I felt rusty and jetlagged. Didn't ask her out till it was time to split up, either, but it was still somewhat of a high note. Number closed, though.

Third one I didn't stop before opening and she blew me off.

 

[determined]

Saturday, July 6th, 2013

7 approaches today.

First one jogged past me as I was walking a trail. Excellent opener. I could hear my voice booming and feel that my face was completely relaxed. She was way older than me, pursuing a postdoc. After jogging with her for a bit I told her to stop and slowed down myself. She said she had to go and continued running. Caught up to her again and said ok, let's grab a drink sometime then. She said she had a boyfriend, so I told her I didn't believe her then changed the subject. After a minute it was time to part ways so I asked her out again and she turned me down.

Another girl was at the grocery store. We were both picking out avocados and made eye contact, so after returning to my avocado picking for a few seconds I asked, "Are you single?" without looking at her. "No." Made some conversation, then asked "Definitely not single?" "No. Thanks, though. It's a complement." I believe her, but in the future I shouldn't ask it like that - it's calling her out on lying. I should just ask her out.

After that I was at a shopping center. Saw one girl sitting by herself. Hesitated for a second because she looked young, so by the time I opened her she was collecting her things to leave. Walked by and pretended I just noticed her.


me: How old are you?
her: 18, why?
me: I just...thought you were cute.
her: Haha, even in this uniform?
wait for her to get up and make eye contact because she's bent over collecting her things.
Pause, then exchanged names and she started walking away.
me: Wait. Sit down.
her: I have to get back to work.
me: You have 2 minutes. (I always say it this way, which is too aggressive. I should say something like, "We'll only talk for 2 minutes. Your job will be fine for 2 minutes and we might never see each other again.)
her: No, I can't. I'll be right there, though (pointing to a yogurt place).


Didn't think fast enough to ask her out right there, but this prepared me for the next girl. I waited a few minutes, then entered the yogurt place. It was packed and there were about 6 workers behind the counter, not what I was expecting and I didn't know how I'd talk to her without everyone overhearing and without looking tryhard. She hadn't spotted me yet so I quickly exited to plan out my attack. Sat down where I met her, and another girl walks by.


me: Wait.
She stops, and I just look at her for a few seconds without saying anything.
her: What?
me: Are you single?
her: Yeah.
Exchanged names and invited her to sit.
her: I have to get back to work.
This time I was ready.
me: Ok. (she starts turning to walk away). Do you want to grab a coffee sometime when we're both free?
her: Ok.


About 30 minutes later I returned to the yogurt place. It was perfect timing because my girl was just rounding the counter to hand someone their drink, so I was able to make eye contact and walk right up to her without having to call out her name or anything.


me: Come with me for a minute?
her: What is it?
me: It's super important.
her: Ok, but quick so I don't get fired.
I lead her outside and lean against the building.
me: Do you want to grab a coffee sometime when we're both free?
her: Well, I'm kind of in a relationship.
me: KIND of in a relationship? What does that mean?
her: Haha, it means we're monogamous, but I can hang out with you. Do you want me to give you your number? Uh, do you want me to give you my number?


I smile at her for a second like I know that she's nervous and I think it's cute, then nod and hand her my phone. We've been texting, will put it up when I know what comes of it.

Some solid openers today. I'm relaxed and girls are stopping to give me their attention. Looks like Americans are more receptive than French or Israeli girls after all.

 

[determined]

Here's my text conversation with the second girl I number closed Saturday, along with my thoughts. Critique would be appreciated.

-Saturday-
me 1755: Hey (name), this is E. Save my number.
her 1854: Did it!
her: 1901: So i never got your age but you got mine
me 1930: I'll tell you my whole life story next time we meet up how does that sound ? When are you free? (Was reluctant to tell her my age over text because I'm 22 and she's only 18. Wanted to wait till we were face to face so she wouldn't be scared off before seeing me. Was this answer too gamey?)
her 2235: Well then, not even going to answer my question? Haha. Hmm well I'm free a lot but let's talk more first
her 2235: Let's start with your age fool
me 2341: 27.
me 2342: And my favorite color is green =).
-Sunday-
me 1630: So I never got your favorite color but you got mine... (No response from her to my joke yesterday, now I felt like I was chasing.)
her 1653: It's purple or teal for me
me 1723: You would pick and unconventional color like teal haha. You're not supposed to answer my questions so readily though. Have fun with me.
her 1914: Well I think you're supposed to answer mine more readily, which brings me to, what exactly are your intentions?
me 1947: Woah (name), definitely gonna make sure to meet you in a public place so you don't try to take advantage of me . All I want right now is a coffee - worst case we spend 15 minutes together then decide to part ways. Sound good?
-Monday-
me 1513: (name), I can see this is all new for you so if it feels like too much that's perfectly fine and I wish you a wonderful life. So: not interested, or want a chance to get to know each other? I just turned 22.
her 1519: I thought you were 27? Haha. I'm with someone, so you may be disappointed in the end, but you seem nice.
me 1526: I hope I don't look 27..! That didn't sound like a hard "not interested" :-7.
her 1536: You don't look it, you said you were though. Typo?
me 1602: Playful exaggeration haha. Hard to convey tone via text. Promise that you didn't believe it or you'll destroy my self esteem... .
her 1603: I was pretty surprised when you said 27 haha.
me 1609: Yet you continued talking with me that's pretty bold haha. So... I'm totally enjoying this, but I'm not really a texting kind of guy. I'm more of an in person kind of guy. Was that a "I don't want to see you ever again" before, or do you want to meet up so we can make eye contact while we talk? (My last 4 texts were significantly longer than hers, but it actually didn't feel like I was chasing. I was being playful but conveyed that I didn't care too much whether we met again or not and that my time is valuable. I started feeling good after Monday's first text. Am I wrong?)
her 1613: I really can't. I love the guy I'm with. Sorry
her 1614: I can't see you
me 1616: OK.
her 1625: But I am really flattered c:
me 1628: <3 .

Probably wasn't going to happen with her no matter what I did, but in any case, what could I have done better?

 

[determined]

Monday July 8th, 2013

6 approaches at the mall, 7 if you count the 15 year old at Safeway. Oops. First two were failures because I approached the girls from behind and didn't stop them. Need to remember to stop them every time.

Next one I saw walking by herself and came up from behind also. Called "hey" without preopening - mistake. She looked at me for a moment before resuming walking. I assumed this was her blowing me off, but I wanted to persist so I continued walking next to her and asked "really?" Stupid; that was me reacting to her instead of assuming she's interested. Turns out she wasn't trying to blow me off because she now turned to face me. She probably just wasn't sure I was talking to her. Luckily she's here for the summer from Mexico and probably didn't completely understand me so I was able to salvage the interaction by going direct. As soon as we were actually conversing I backed up and leaned on the railing to get her to follow me. Don't remember if she followed immediately or only after a while, but I'm sure that she was close to me by the end of the interaction. She told me she was visiting family in the area for the summer, so I asked why is it that she's shopping alone instead of being with them. Her: I'm not, that's my sister, and pointed to a girl nearby who was watching us. Caught me off guard because I'd seen her walking by herself for quite a bit. I called out "hi" to the sister and smiled. Then I said, "well, I'll let you get back to it," and as she began to turn I asked her out. She didn't seem very excited, replying "I can't, we're shopping." I responded, "Not now, some other time." Got the number, but expecting nothing.

4th was working at at clothing store. She was wearing yoga pants and had a great butt. First she opened up a fitting room for me and we exchanged a smile and a couple words. Later on, when she asked me if everything was going ok and we were alone, I said yeah, then as she kept walking, "hey." Pause and eye contact with sexy smile, "Are you single?" She said yes and I number closed.

 

[determined]

Tuesday July 9th, 2013

7 approaches today. 5 at Stanford. Every single one claimed to have a boyfriend. Wtf? The 3 I opened direct told me immediately and I persisted, weakly, only with one. I believed them all, but maybe I should have built some rapport and tried again anyways.

One I saw sitting with her laptop, so I sat nearby for a while playing with my phone then moved next to her and opened indirect. The whole conversation I just felt like we didn't connect, even though she was interesting and there was plenty to talk about. Couldn't get her excited about a thread. When her lunch break was over after maybe 5 minutes talking I asked her out. Not a high note, but there really hadn't been any high notes. "I'm seeing someone."

Last girl at Stanford I saw sitting on some grass in a bikini, working. Lay down not too close by, in the shade, and after a bit opened with, "Do you always do your homework in a bikini?" She laughed and we started talking. I got up soon into it and moved to her. That was a mistake, because this girl I could have easily gotten to come to me by saying, "Come closer, I don't want to be in the sun." Anyway, she brought up her boyfriend twice while I deep dived and she definitely has one, so I didn't ask her out.

2 more approaches on a jogging trail. One was married, and the other was just about to start her jog as I was leaving. I walk up nonchalantly, and she takes our her earphones and asks, "Yes?" before I speak. I look at her for a moment, smile, and open. Yes, she is single. Turns out she was 3 years below me at my highschool. Short convo, felt like I was in control and she was qualifying herself, then she said she was going to start her jog. Asked her out,

her: "Sure, I'll grab a coffee with you."
me: "When are you free?"
me: I don't know, but you can text me."

I felt good about it at first (she was HOT), then had the thought that I should have gotten her to move and sit with me for a bit before letting her go.

 

[determined]

Thursday, July 11th, 2013

8 approaches today, maybe more. Approached yesterday, too, maybe 6 times, but none of them were interesting, except for the fact that I was getting colder receptions even though I was dressed better than usual - new red button down over gray v-neck with boot-cut jeans. Usually I'm in jeans and a v-neck or polo. Receptions were coooold. Today my approaches were interesting.

One of them I stopped by making eye contact as we walked in opposite directions. "Are you single?" "Yes," but she seemed suspicious. Talked for a bit, and when I asked her to sit with me as we passed a bench she said she had to get to class. This even though she'd just told me that her class wasn't for another 20 minutes. No amount of persistence helped. I know the root cause here: I asked for compliance before building enough rapport; it was very early in our interaction. I knew it was early, but it was going to be the last bench on the way to her class, so it was now or never for having her sit with me. And the reason we were walking by the last bench so soon into our interaction was that I'd started walking with her after getting her to stop for me. I felt uncomfortable just standing there awkwardly so I started walking. Mistake. I should be comfortable and start walking only when I'm ready to lead her somewhere.

The girl before her replied that she wasn't single. Continued walking and talking, though, and when I asked her to coffee 2 minutes later it was a "yes." Her response to "When are you free?" was to tell me to text her to schedule. This has been happening to me almost every time, and I never know how to persist without sounding needy. Of course these girls never text back. So last night I thought up a good response. I said, "Let's schedule now. It's such a pain to figure it out over text." It worked - we agreed on Monday and she's been texting me. Will put it up once we're done; I think I made some solid moves.

Now comes the last girl of the day, the real head-scratcher. Please explain to me what happened here. Cute Asian I saw jog by while I walked that trail I like. Opened indirect for the first time today because she was wearing five-fingers. Hooked immediately. Deep diving. Got her to stop running and walk with me instead. More deep diving. She asked if I'd want to run at any point, and I said "not at all."

her: Do you do this often? Talk to random people on this trail?
me: Sometimes.
her: I've never met anyone here before.
me: I think most people find it pretty intimidating.

She told me about a guy she broke up with and now she doesn't want to return to her hometown. Changed the subject to keep it on happy subjects, but he came up again briefly. Some chase framing: after asking me if I would be biking to work she told me about how she's an avid cyclist, so I remarked, "So that's why you asked if I'd be biking to work. You're trying to get me to bike with you." More deep diving, with her doing all of the talking. She mentioned a couple times that she wanted to run and get back to eat. The second time I said ok and asked her out. When I asked her schedule she was hesitant. I could see she was uncomfortable, and realized that she'd actually been growing increasingly uncomfortable for a while. She was still walking with me, so I changed the subject for a bit then brought up her schedule again with,

me: Are you still thinking? Wow, your schedule must be very unpredictable. Do you fight crime or something? You never know when evil will strike.
her: I'm sorry for being uncomfortable. I'm just new to the flirting game.
me: Hey, it's ok if you're uncomfortable. You can continue running and that's perfectly fine.
Then, before we actually did part ways forever,
me: Also, you've been telling me all about yourself, but haven't been asking any questions.
her: I know, it's because you beat me to it. Usually I'm the one asking questions. (That was the problem. I was interrogating her. Interaction saved.)
me: ok, ask away, then.

She didn't really know what to ask, so I just began talking, telling her first about my travels, then moving on to my family. She slowly became engaged and animated again and started asking questions. After telling her many things I resumed asking questions again, too. At first she was hesitant and turned them back to me quickly, then regained her comfort in answering them. This was at a point where we started talking about life, purpose, personal growth - major stuff. I made sure to continue sharing about myself. When we reached spot with a beautiful view she told me it was her favorite on the trail; I'd shown her mine earlier.

Now we got to the end of the trail, so as we walked towards my car I asked,

me: So, still uncomfortable, or want to see me again?
Hesitation... She said something about not wanting to give out her number and preferring to see me at the trail.
me: Haha, that won't happen. I start work next week and am moving to SF soon. What's the worst that can happen? We spend... 15 minutes together, then part ways if we're not having fun. If we don't grab a coffee we'll never see each other again. So do you want to see me again?
Hesitation...
me: Are you having fun?
her, after hesitating: Yeah.
me: Did you enjoy the conversation?
her, after hesitating: Yeah.
me: Are you glad we met?
her, less hesitation: Yeah.
me: Do you want to meet me again?
her: No.
me: OK.
Chatted for a bit more as she walked me to my car.
her: What will you take away from this conversation?
me: I'll probably forget it in a few days if we don't see each other again. What will you take away from it?
her: I really liked what you said about changing yourself and life becoming better every year.

At some point in all this she also claimed to not be at the right place in her life. At the last moment I took her hand and said, "Last chance." Still no. We shook hands...

What happened? We spent at least 30 minutes together. She gave up her run for me even though running is important to her and she could have left at any time - I even invited her to. She told me things that I'm sure she hasn't shared with many. I told her things that make me seem happy, ambitious, and in control, but at the same time humble, vulnerable, and still working on myself. So how could she say no? I wish I'd asked her why.

One thought that comes to mind is that I never asked her out on a high note. Part of the reason was that I wanted to spend more time with her right then; I thought to take her somewhere after our walk. So I only asked her out the first time because she wanted to leave. The second time I just wanted as much time as possible to get her comfortable before making her decide. What else could I have done better besides the high notes?