I had a date the other night.
We met on an app. She worked weird hours, so she texted on a Saturday night around 6pm, and we met up at 9pm before she was going to work. We went for a drink at the place I often go. We talked about stuff. She was friendly and chatty. She qualified herself a couple of times. I tried something from the recent Alek Rolstad article about where to sit with a girl. We started out sitting across from each other. Then I suggested we walk around, so we did that. We sat on a bench, and I had her put her legs on top of mine. We also held hands. I pulled her over to me at one point, and leaned on me. She was pretty comfortable with touch and socializing in general and stuff, so she complied.
While we were at the place having drinks, I said we should go back to my place so we could talk. She said she would have to go soon so wouldn't have time, but perhaps we could walk around. She didn't have many "hobbies", just shopping, friends, hanging with her dogs. But when I asked if she did anything creative, she said her job. This was good, as she was qualifying. We also talked about solo travel, which she had done a little bit. So she qualified herself on being adventurous.
As far as escalating the vibe both physically and verbally, I liked the putting her legs on mine. That was a good compliance piece. Although, at this point, she was talking quite a bit, rather than "getting quiet", as the vibe can get when it's time to pull. I suspect what I should do when she is being talkative is bring her closer, just escalating physically the vibe. So you're escalating physically, while she is talking and stuff. We also talked about tattoos, which is a good sexy topic. I should probably have pulled her in closer when she brought that up, as a way of rewarding her.
I like Alek's article on where to sit, and the idea of starting at the first location sitting across from each other, then moving to a second location and sitting next to each other, and then doing things like putting her legs on yours and getting close and so forth. I like this approach overall. Although with this girl, and others who are healthy and slim, they often don't drink a lot. So, for example, they won't finish a cocktail, or struggle to. I kind of wish I just didn't have to deal with drinks. Maybe I could just split a cocktail with them, so we both won't feel the need to drink a lot. I don't like drinking either, I just do it because dating sort of requires it. And, for example with girls where you're trying to do multiple venues, do you order drinks at both? That could get quite expensive. And neither of us like drinking. So I'm not sure what the answer there is.
Weekend first dates aren't great because it is busy out and there is the weekend vibe. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights are often great for first dates, because the vibe is more chill. And the music is less loud.
The girl was kinda funny. She was talking about how she goes out to the party street/area in the middle of the winter wearing crazy/sexy outfits. I suppose she might be telling me this as a way of escalating the vibe. I should have chase-framed her, saying "you're just trying to get me to picture you in a sexy outfit." That would be a good chase frame. On another note, it seemed kind of weird, because it's like her saying "I like flaunting my body to lots of men," which I can't imagine any guy likes to hear. So I'm not sure what her strategy there was. Again, maybe I can take it as the first thing, her trying to make it more sexual.
My banter and teasing has gotten better. At least banter. My teasing still could use some work. I did drink a bit though, and since I don't drink a lot, maybe I was a step behind. As far as escalating, I'm not sure how I can do it sexually. Physically, I can make some stuff up. Maybe the drinks do help, for giving me ideas of what my instincts want to do!
I could have tried to invite her home again. I maybe should have waited until after we were at the second location and the vibe was increased, then I could ask. Asking at the first place, she wasn't ready, and so got the "no." At the second, it might've worked better. I also don't love when the girl says she has to go somewhere afterwards. As in, should I try to get the whole seduction and sex done in 90 minutes? I guess that is basically the move. If you ask her home and she says no, aren't you basically cooked on a second date?
All this stuff just means I need to get better. Talk to more girls, escalate the vibe more, escalate physically, isolate, get private, get intimate. Go on more dates. More practice.
The second date location, it was out on a busy street. The quieter, darker park I wanted to go to was occupied by a private event, so we couldn't go there. This shows the importance of having plans, and backup plans. The busy street had more people and was brighter lit. Not as good, for intimate conversation. Also, I want a lower-stakes place to do the first date. For example, often when you get a cocktail, the girl feels the need to finish it, especially if you are paying for it. But slim girls don't drink very much (or else they wouldn't be slim!), so they take forever, and if you ask to leave they say not until I finish the drink. Then going to a second place, going for a drink is not appealing to them for the same reasons. So, what is the non-alcoholic dater to do, or at least to frame it? I'm not sure. Mini rant over.
I want a quiet, chill place to talk and escalate the vibe. But most places are loud and obnoxious. Especially on the weekend. That is actually why Mon-Wed are good nights. The places don't play music as loud.
Escalating the vibe physically when we were sitting at the second location actually felt pretty natural. She went along with it. If it were quieter and more private, I could have ramped it up even more. She eventually said she had to go, and we walked to her car. I pulled her in for a quick kiss before getting there, on the street. She rolled with it, but didn't seem into it in any manner. I wanted to do it because I wanted to show I could pull it off. I basically never kiss a girl before getting home, because I know it doesn't work. But I figured she's never coming back, so might as well do it to say I did it.
I thank Alek for writing the article on where to sit with a girl. I have written about that question in this thread numerous times beforehand. It also helps with my other sticking point of transitioning the vibe from connection to sexuality, during the date. The change of venue makes for a natural transition point. Although I have to figure out my venues and logistics as well.
My progress with dating and seduction has been somewhat slow and plodding. I hope to work on it more in the near future. Although my current job includes much more talking than in the past, which definitely helps my seduction efforts. Even though I hadn't been on many dates lately, I felt relatively "in flow" or "warmed up", because my job has me talking to people on a day to day basis. That is a good thing. Shocker of shockers, doing sales is good for seduction. And vice-versa.
