Journal

[bobbyb112]

I have a question about paying for dates when you're seeing a girl.

I've been seeing a girl. We meet up and will get food. When we do, she always wants me to pay for hers. However, I know that on days we aren't seeing each other, she pays for take out food, which is not cheap. I"m not against paying on our dates, but she has gotten upset when I don't pay for her food, at other times. She works a job that doesn't pay as much, and she lives with her parents currently. My question is, why does she get upset when I don't pay for her food, even though she pays a ton for food anyway when we are not on a date?

She seems nice and sweet otherwise. It just seems like she has it in her mind that a guy should always pay for any food or drinks when you are together. At other times, we have just met up at my place or hers. But she doesn't like "staying in" all the time, and neither do I. I'm fine to go out and get food. I just don't want to go somewhere, order a shit ton, and pay for her food all the time.

I guess one solution is to suggest lower cost food places for when we go out. That way it keeps the cost down regardless. I have suggested splitting the bill at expensive places, which might work. I just don't like the idea of a girl saying "you have to pay for my food/drink". I think part of it is, I should choose the place to go for the date, and suggest it. So far, she has been the one suggesting places to go, and they are nice, but on the more expensive side. I don't think she would be against a lower cost place. I just have to take leadership to decide to find places like that, and go to them, to keep costs down overall.

It's a bit new for me, because I don't eat out basically ever on my own. If you've ever worked at a restaurant, and seen how they make the food, you wouldn't want to have it either. Moreover, it is usually unhealthy. But, it is something to do, and so a necessary evil I guess. I will take it upon myself to find lower cost places to go, to keep the cost burden down for both of us.

It just irks me that she spends all this money on food for herself when she is by herself, and then expects me to pay for her food when we are on a date. Like, what the heck? Maybe it is just in her head, that if she is out with a guy, then he ought to be getting the bill. I'm not against that, as long as I choose the place, from now on. I like that approach.

 

[bobbyb112]

I've run into this a few times:

I have sex with a girl on the first date. I reach out about meeting up a second time and they say yes. I sometimes propose explicitly getting food, or just an ambiguous "hanging out". Sometimes they say something like "I want to go on a date, I don't just want to have sex, you know?". Sometimes they are down to just come over and shag, effectively.

I guess, how do I reframe the ones who "want to go on a date"? I could say like, "I want to see YOU", which gets the point across. Another option, just get light food (not a fancy restaurant), then go back and shag. Another option, explicitly say food is boring, I just want to hang out.

Maybe I should just drop girls who want this. It seems like they want something other than me (ie, things, rather than me). Also, it seems like older girls tend to say they want a "date", whereas younger ones are okay with just coming over. I am just now noticing this trend, amongst the girls I've been with.

 

[bobbyb112]

Here's how it's been going lately:

I've been on a number of dates from the apps. Something clicked in my "game", and I immediately became more witty, quick on my toes, and able to control the "frame" of the conversation more. This resulted in 3 first-date lays 2 weeks ago, which is not too crazy but regardless, went smoother and easier than it has before, as a result of this small breakthrough.

This breakthrough in my game, is sort of similar to feelings I have had in the past. Where you sort of "remember" how you felt in game in the past, and you remember it and use it and it works. THen you say to yourself "oh yeah, that totally worked in the past. Why haven't I been doing it all along? Why did I forget it?"

The reason why I had forgotten these feelings that work is, I haven't been super consistent with it all. So your progress slows, and you don't lock in learnings you had in the past. Maybe you get a "breakthrough girlfriend", and stop practicing pickup, and the gains don't get internalized. This has definitely happened to me, at various points in my learning curve.

Anyway, the lesson for me is, keep going, and don't stop by taking a GF or FWB. Of the 3 girls, 2 wanted to see me again. The third, I didn't try to see her again. But, I let things die down with both of them, because I don't want to get comfortable by getting into an FWB or GF situation. As a side note, the girls were not GF quality. So that made the decision easier, too, to move on.

But still, it was tempting to try to make something work with them, to keep them around, to play the FWB game. But that would just be delaying the inevitable. I can see why Chase says he only does GF or ONS, but not FWB. Because FWB is kind of no-mans-land, where the girl isn't good enough for you to turn her into a GF, and you kind of just string her or yourself along, until a decision is made, and it ends (or GF, I suppose).

Moreover, when things are clicking more in the pickup part of the process, you don't want to get tied down with a girl you aren't thrilled about. Thus, you drop girls after 1 sex, to make time and motivation to work on your game, with the goal of being able to pickup girls you would really want as a GF or wife.

Is a rotation tempting? Maybe sort of. I have seen multiple girls at once. But they are just FWB quality, and therefore not that fulfilling. I don't need to drain my balls every night just for the heck of it. Now, if they were all indeed GF quality, then that might be a different story.

Anyway, my challenge now is, find a way to get higher quality girls. Which means doing more daygame approaches, rather than using the apps. The apps are really a crutch. You can get so much higher quality in daygame. Maybe some guys have figured out Instagram game, and can get "normal and attractive" girls using that. But day game seems like the surer bet for me. I have done it in the past, and I want to do it again.

As far as how I'm using this journal thread, I don't really use this for lay reports, going detail by detail. The reason is, I prefer to learn by doing, rather than writing it out. Then again, maybe I could get better faster by writing it out. Maybe I will do that.

However, in my learning process, I generally strive to gain the feeling. When you have the feeling of it, the tactics flow. Maybe this feeling is the "vibe". When you have the vibe, the tactics just flow, and everything works. This is what I am striving for, and feel like I have felt more of recently. When learning any skill, you want to be able to feel it. Maybe that just means you have learned enough of the details and tactics so that you can respond the right way in real-time. This is sort of the holy grail, because you can just focus on the vibe, the feeling, and the actions flow. I could give an example of this, like when I met up with the girl the other day, and immediately was touching her like learning on her shoulders (she was short), in a dominant way. I could tell about that, and maybe I will. But I also value just feeling the feeling, and doing it. I don't know.

But, also, my ego wants to move up from level 3 to level 4 in the GC hierarchy. So maybe one day I will write out some detailed lay reports, to see if I can get my tribal ranking up . In life... If there is no ego, all there is is bliss. And bliss is boring. Girls hate boring. Therefore, show ego. That is part of the lesson, by the way.

 

[bobbyb112]

I've gone on a few dates this week.

A few questions. First, my standard date is to one location (bar), then try to pull her home from there. I've read others that recommend a 2-location plan, where you bounce her to a second place, then home. This also has worked for me in the past. Usually this happens when I meet a girl during the afternoon on the weekend, rather than a weeknight at a bar. What happens is, we get a coffee, walk around, maybe sit in the park, then maybe another coffee shop, then home. At least it has worked out that way a few times. Walking around can be good because it is movement together.

On night dates, with the bar I usually go to, it often doesn't feel super great to try to pull home. I usually go for it, and sometimes it works, but of course my consistency could still use much improvement. Looking back at my previous 4 lays, the 2 with girls I liked more were both during the day, and involved walking, getting coffee, walking some more, inviting home. 2 were from basically the bar. With one, it was one location (bar). With the other one, we went into one bar, it was full, so we went to a second.

The pattern I'm trying to establish is that when I move or have multiple locations with the girl, we get together. When I don't, pull rate is less. That is why I'm liking daytime dates, because I like to walk around, and stop and sit in the park, and keep going. With nighttime dates, I think I'm seeing more and more that it is rather important to do multiple venues. Maybe I will work that into my system.

One issue is, I don't like drinking that much, so it's like, go to the first bar, drink no more than half of the drink, then go to the next. Try to stay there for some time, drink half a drink, which I don't want, then pull. I just don't like drinking that much. Maybe I could save dates for girls that I really like, to make it worth my while. Or, if there is another idea somewhere in the articles.

This is perhaps less important, but I am also more tired at night than during the day. During the day, like daytime dates on the weekend, I have heaps of energetic charisma coursing through me. At night on a weekday, maybe not so good. But hey, these are the constraints we live with. Learn how to perform, regardless of how you're feeling. Also, take a nap during the afternoon, which I sometimes do, but don't always.

In my last post, I see, I talked about tapping into a new level or zone of seductive charisma. I sort of have that feeling still, although I think I need to tweak it for seduction. It is too jokey right now, as opposed to teasing. The difference between those is, you want to tease her. I don't know. I will have to play with it.

On the date last night, it seemed alright. We sat, talked. I brought her in, with my arm around her, her leaning her head on my shoulder. I'm not sure if this is good "seduction" or not, but it sure is a lot of touch. But when I went for the pull, she said she was tired and had to go home. I'm like, yeah, we're all tired, that's no excuse. Maybe she really was tired. But maybe that's why you need to change locations, to wake you both up.

I need to work on my sexy vibe. My deep dive vibe was decent, I guess. But sexiness is where you separate the wheat from the chaff. Sexiness is what makes it go from platonic (maybe she still invests and likes you) to sexy (where you and her are feeling sexual). In myself, this involves feeling sexy. How do you do that? Have I been doing that? Did I feel sexual while hanging out with this girl at a bar with her leaning against me and the lights dim?

I'm sad to say, not totally. I was thinking in my head. There is some sort of difference there. Maybe it is as simple as, feeling in my body more. Or relaxing my jaw. Something that is going to bring me from my head, into my body. Maybe I need to listen to music before going on a date. Or meditating. Or, dedicing that I "want it". Or, just acting sexier.

On a positive note, I find that touch is becoming more normal for me. I touch people regularly, men and women, and touching girls on dates is in the realm of easy for me. I feel like it is more just listening to my intuition, where after deep diving some, I"m like, I want to touch this girl. I want to hug her and move her close to me. So I start touching her more. This is good. It is a necessary step in the seduction. It is the act of a bold and sexy man. So that is good. Somewhat often (4 out of last 5?) the girl gets close to me and leans on me, when I pull her in. That is good.

Some girls, though, have rather closed off body language sometimes. Like the girl yesterday, I pulled her in, put my arm around her. But she is not really facing me, more facing the side, with her legs cross and arms crossed and not trying to face me necessarily. It's like, she is close, but her body language is closed and facing not towards me necessarily. So this isn't good. Where did I mess up? Why did she get close, even though her body language says not close?

Some girls, too, sound like they are interviewing for a job. That's not bad. It's just kinda weird. They sound like their answers are rehearsed or something. It sounds like marketing. They sound like they are good at talking with people, but that it's so good, it's not real. Maybe they need to take a play out of the intermediate seducer's playbook, and actually sound less polished, so they sound more real. Could be.

Maybe I need to breath deeper. Shallow breaths lead to shallow thoughts. Deep breaths lead to deep thoughts. And deep penetration. Deep.

Maybe I should just go on more daytime dates. Then, also, observe what works there, and force myself to do it on other dates, too, when I'm feeling more tired. Chase had a tweet recently about how you can observe what you are doing when you are feeling in the flow, and then do those things when you are not in the flow, to boost your performance overall. This is what it means to become truly proficient and advanced. You can perform the right things, even if you aren't "feeling it". You don't need to be "feeling it" to perform well. Because you are a pro.

Maybe I need to smirk more, instead of "congenial" vibe. Smirking is more sexy/ edgey/ aggressive/ bad boy vibe. The other vibe is more friendly vibe. Smirk is sexy. But I still need to get the feeling for it. The internal monologue of the sexy guy. I wonder what that is. Maybe I need to do the cute and sexy look more. Maybe I need to add more resonance and purr to my voice.

A problem I have with smirking, though, is that my face is sort of uneven to one side, and smirking seems to make that worse. Am I messing up my face more by smirking? I don't know. Maybe I need to sit with a straight back more. Even on couches where the seat is too long, so you have to slouch to sit. I don't know.

Maybe I need to watch comedy before going out, to get in a runner mood. I don't know.

How do I feel sexier? How do I do that before going out on dates, going from work mode to sexy mode? Maybe music is a decent option. I feel like that could help flip the mental switch, which would help me be more playful. Worth a try.

---

I wrote the above at night. Upon waking up, here are more thoughts:

Another thing to do, is to smile at her when you first meet her. For these girls I'm meeting on apps, when we meet outside the bar for the first time, I need to smile better. Because first impressions matter. It is like when doing street approaches, you want to smile first thing. Same for meeting a girl the first time in person outside a bar. It lowers her guard, and sets you off on the right foot. That is something I need to do more.

Another element in all this is, either being social, or going for seduction. Meaning, if you go into a date with the intention to be social, that's cool, but it doesn't lead to sex. For example, last night we had an interesting, enjoyable conversation. But it wasn't super seductive. It's like when you go out, you might start off in social mood, just warming up and being social. Then, you have to switch into pickup/seduction mode, and actually find a girl to pull. Social and pickup/seduction mode are different. I need to make sure to be in pickup/seduction mode, when going on these dates.

---

I just found a hilarious yet instructive video from Russell Brand.

Hooking Up Tips with Russell Brand

Maybe @Chase will have to do an article breaking down what Russell is doing, as he demonstrates his seduction methods in this video.

Just to start, you see that he 1. approaches 2. strong eye contact 3. similarity (about exciting things) with skiing 4. sexualizes (joke about her hooking up with her girl friends) 5. isolate, giving reason (although he also tries to skip steps by bringing her straight back to his) 6. get close while in a quiet place together 7. gets sexual compliance with the "you only live once" spiel.

There are a million other things to point out that he's doing, which are similar to what Chase talks about in his articles. Russell is indeed a master.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date tonight.

It was from an app. We met at a bar. We went in and had a drink. Talked about quite a bit of stuff. I touched, and she didn't move away necessarily. Eventually we started talking about shows and movies, so I described a show for quite a while. Then I said let's go watch and episode and she said sure. So we went back to mine to watch.

I put on the show. We sat on the couch. She was sitting crossed legged, hands in lap. I had my arm around her back and pulled to towards me some. She came somewhat, not a ton though. I pulled her head in for a kiss. Then went back to watching show. Then went back and started kissing again.

He didn't "melt", but went along with it. I started moving my hands on her arms and body, and placed her hand on my chest, but she pulled it away. She said she didn't want to do anything more. I said that was not a problem, and went back to watching and talking about the show.

A few minutes later I rinsed and repeated, kissing again. This time I kissed her neck and upper chest, too, and ran my hands on her boobs. I got one out, and started sucking it. Her hand was on my neck and head. Eventually she pulled back again, ever so slightly, saying "I don't want to go any further tonight". I said playfully "I apologize" "No need to apologize". And we went back to watching the show.

A few minutes later I went back to kissing. Same deal, but when I brushed my hand on her legs and vagina area, she pulled back and said she had to get up early for work tomorrow morning and had to go. She called and uber. While the uber was coming, for a few more minutes, I kissed her more and sucked her nipples. Then she left.

This was classic "willing to kiss and maybe boobs but no further". I have gotten this many times. In the moment, all you can really kind of do is stop, talk about the show or something else, rinse, and repeat.

I am of the mind that if you get to this point, and she is giving resistance like this, then eventually leaves, then you "messed up" earlier on, such that she hadn't made a decision in her head to sleep with you before going back to yours. I think I need to do a better job of making the sexual intention known, by getting close to her, basically. It's kind of hard, though, when you are on bar stools next to each other.

The transition and execution from deep-diving to sexual topics is still sticking point for me. How do I talk about sexual topics, or otherwise turn it sexual? Hmm. Another transition point is smoothly bringing her home. The show/movie angle seemed decent. It was natural to talk about shows, then to say let's go watch an episode. Other ones might be things you got from traveling, which you had talked about. Maybe I will try to get a good travel prop, to use as a pull line. The one I've used the most is "wine at my place", but this is a little too blatant. Also, this particularly girl didn't like alcohol, so that wouldn't work. Show/movie can be decent for daytime dates, because it fits more. Again, travel props could be a good idea.

Backing up to getting investment, compliance, buy-in to adventurousness and spontaneity is important. Sexual topics, coinciding with touch. Hopefully the touch is mutual, instead of that feeling where she is facing forward on her chair, hands to herself, and you are facing her, hands on her back or legs or whatever. Sometimes it's like this, and I don't like how it can feel like you are all over her, but she is sitting there uninterested. I don't like when that happens.

Buy-in (to spontenity, adventurousness, sexuality, etc) can be done verbally, too. I'm not sure how to set those frame necessarily, but I should develop some good lines for it. It seems somewhat repeatable. Just set a frame of "yeah travel is great because you are free to do whatever you want without judgement. That's the only way to live life, you know what I mean? Yeah. What do you do that's adventurous?". Part of it feels a little blatant. But on the other hand, if it works it works, and it's worth trying. That is a frame you are setting, which she buys into, and now you have set non-judgemental frames, which is good.

It's setting the right frames, especially around sexual topics, that I need to get better at. I have a lot of things to talk about for deep dive topics, and indeed find it fascinating to talk to people and understand things about them. I just let my curiosity lead me, and I find out things about them. Although of course I could do better, to find out about motivations and stuff. I'm still working on that, for sure.

Sexual topics is where I need some ideas, and maybe stock stories, observations, jokes, or innuendos that turn the conversation sexual. One I've seen is "that's what she said". Old reliable. I've never used that before, though, so maybe I should practice finding places and times to say that. Another element is feeling the vibe of the sexual topics. Like innuendo voice. This is when everything you say sounds like an innuendo. It is sort of sly and knowing. Maybe I should practice this.

Having sexual facial expressions, too, can help. I like that.

Maybe I just need to be more hungry, too. More horny. That might help, somehow.

Squinting eyes to give more mysterious vibe and voice is what I need. I used this a few weeks ago when I had a string of success, and haven't been doing it this week. I need to add that back in, to draw the women in, which makes the rest much easier.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date tonight.

We met at the bar. We went back to my place, but she was definitely not interested in doing anything. I pulled her over to me, using the "floppy test". This is when you pull her over next to you. If she goes limp onto you, then you are good to kiss her. She didn't. I tried to kiss her anyway, which she resisted. She said she was going to go. She got up and got ready to go and did.

As for the date itself, she was 30. I touched a bit, and got some investment. I was a bit surprised when she said okay to inviting back. She gave some back and forth. I said I had wine and if she wanted to go back and have some. She said is it white or red. I said I have both, which do you prefer? She said white. She also gave the excuse to herself that she had to charge her phone. So she was giving herself excuses, which isn't a bad thing.

It's weird going out with girls where you invite them home, they say yes or otherwise come, and then when you go to escalate they don't want to. Like, why did you come home with me, then? But that is just a bit of a weird zone I am in right now.

Do I tease more or do I tease less? Not sure.

As far as locations during the date, we got drinks at the bar downstairs. Then I had us go upstairs, because there were couches there. But it was too cold, so we went back downstairs and sat at the bar. I don't know if the movement there helped a ton, but getting some movement together in I feel helps.

Part of the problem with going on dates with girls let's say 26-30, is, is that you aren't getting the kind of feedback you need. Which is feedback with the girls you really want, which is say 18-25. The feedback I am getting might not be the most useful, because the girls are not my target demographic. So that is another reason to start street approaching, as opposed to using apps.

I focused a little bit on squinting today. Squinting helps me feel more relaxed, because I take deeper breaths. It makes me feel a little stoned, even, a relaxed, good feeling in the body that gives you a more carefree, chill, relaxed vibe. You can overdo this, sure. But it is a good vibe. It also makes you feel more sensual and therefore sexual.

For next time, my focus is on flirting, touching. Moving should be on the list, too, but frankly I don't want to go to two different venues on a weeknight. It just takes too long. I know that sounds lazy and it is, but I'm just recording it here as a way of reminding myself that there are ways to improve your results, and that is one. Another potentially helpful way of moving is to move within the venue. This gives you some movement, without having to go to a whole new place. That can be useful.

Squinting, flirting, teasing, touching, asking, kissing, escalating, deep diving, moving, sexualizing. All of these things become more in focus the more experience I get. This is indeed a skillset.

 

[OldGuy]

No real differrence between 20-25 and 26-30 women. with 18 some (not most) are naive.

 

[bobbyb112]

No real differrence between 20-25 and 26-30 women. with 18 some (not most) are naive.

Appreciate the perspective, @OldGuy . It is just cope on my part. I just need to get better overall.


I went on a date with a girl tonight.

It was one of those dates where we talk about things, and she won't get physically close, so invite home, she deflects, and no real bubble or vibe is built. We did talk for a while like almost 2 hours, and it was mildly enjoyable and entertaining, but not super flirty or sexual, no real sexual vibe, and then she didn't want to come home.

I need to just get close first thing on the date. Get close. This is a romantic date, right? Just sit right next to her, touch, etc. If she doesn't like it, she can leave. But not being physically close is death for seduction. Also, towards the end, it was that thing where she is sitting up straight, and looking forward, and hardly looking at me. Then, I have her come closer to me and I put my arm around her. But she is sitting straight as a log, and looking forward. I'm like, relax, girl. Chill the fuck out.

On the positive side, I was trying out some posture things for myself. I was smiling less fast, and taking a second to talk. It seemed to work, where I was "non reactive", except when it was good, like to tease her. We also went to a different bar than I have been taking dates lately. The new place was quieter, which made it easier to talk. I like this, because I like talking.

Moving in some manner could have helped. After a little bit of the date, she said how she loved to play bar games like pool and darts. This was a perfect segue to bouncing her to a different bar. But, I don't have one nearby in mind with those things, and moreover I wasn't mentally prepared to try to figure out on the fly logistics around going to a second place. In any case, this is an example where going to a second location would be totally helpful. I just don't have a good secondary place in mind in my standard process. It sounds like I just need to be more devil-may-care, and figure it out. Then I can have a good second place to go to, and use that on future dates. So I might invest in figuring out those logistics.

Building your dating process out is a work in progress. Where I lived last, oftentimes I would suggest going for a walk after we finished our drinks. I would go into a park nearby, and maybe sit, and maybe kiss there. Sometimes it helped. Then invite back. But at night, a park where I am is not really an option. I need a reliable second bar location, it seems like.

Tonight I was also working a bit on the "push" part of push-pull. Or, as I describe it, playfully disagreeing with girls. They say their favorite food is XYZ, you say "ah, XYZ?! I don't know if we can be friends", or something like that. It is playfully disagreeing. It keeps the conversation fun. Girls like fun. And girls like emotions, and emotional spikes.


I am trying to get more systematic about implementing things I'm working on, like pieces of tech. A few that are ongoing are:

1. Touch at the beginning: I should just touch all over her shoulders and stuff at the beginning, like I know her. I did this with a girl a few weeks ago, and the vibe went up very quickly. It turned into a sexual bubble. This was when I wrote a few weeks ago that I had had a breakthrough. I should just do this with every girl I go on a date with.

2. Playfully disagreeing: Have emotional teases to whatever she says. This is a push. It forces her to justify or quality herself. When she does, that is investment.

3. Changing locations / moving: When I do dates during the day, I have different places I can go with a girl, like a park nearby, a coffee shop we started at, another coffee shop, just walking around. I know of options, and I have done them. For nighttime dates, I have basically never done a 2-venue system. But I feel like I need to, because it seems like it would help. But I also don't want to spend a ton of money on drinks, nor drink that much. What to do? We'll see.

4. Deep diving: Going frame anything adventurous as good. Or spontaneous. Those are good frames for fast sex. Also, the idea of asking if she does anything creative, for example, then she says she does it, is good, because she is qualifying to you.

5. Seeding a pull: Somehow talking about things I have at my place that could seed a pull. My standard is wine at my place. Others could be looking at travel souvenirs.

6. Leadership frame: There is a physical posture I do with my body when I am leading. It then leads to a mindset, because posture affects mood and vice-versa. So I am practicing having this leadership posture as my default, and then it comes out in my behavior, voice, actions, etc. All this is good for pickup/seduction, because you are leading.

7. Wanting it: Getting more sleep to be more on top of it for nighttime dates? Only do dates on the weekend? I don't know the answer here.


Looking back, my frame was rather solid on this date. It wasn't a sexual frame, but the frame in general was strong. It felt like she was qualifying herself to me much of the time, even though it didn't feel very romantic/sexual. Kind of odd. But my point is, my leadership frame I believe did what I wanted it to. Now I just need to lead it in a more sexual direction.

I want to approach on the street, so that I can get more reference points in general, and work on implementing these specific things to improve my game. For day game, there's a whole host of things like genuine compliments, pre-opens, attention grabs, direct vs indirect opens, etc, that I want to try.

It has been kind of cool going on all the dates I have the last week or so. I've done 6 dates the 7 days. I know that isn't "a lot" for some of our prolific daters. But the more consistent experience I get, the more I can try different things out, which I'm starting to do more, and really develop a system. For the stats, 3 out of 6 came back to mine, but none closed. This is why I want to get into regular street approaching, because then I can get even more experience, faster.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date last night.

We met at the place I usually go for dates. It was full, so we went next door. We sat kind of right in the middle of the place at the bar, because it was pretty busy.

Here I will visit each aspect of what I am working on:

1. Touch at the beginning: I touched early and often, by putting my arms over her shoulders, on her back as I led her, then when seat, arm on her shoulders and back, and on leg at times. My goal here was to just touch as much as I could, essentially. The point being to be sexual, and if that polarizes her in the direction of nothing happening, then so be it. It's better than going through a date, you're sitting far away and not touching. With this girl, she didn't touch back, nor seem to be very interested. She sat in her seat, and towards the end, looked away and not at me. I don't get those girls. When they don't look at you towards the end. Maybe I need to do less, and so draw her in more.

2. Playfully disagreeing: I could have done this more or better. I want to practice doing this. It's easier when you can actually hear the other person. Bars kind of stink because you can't hear the other person.

3. Changing locations / moving: We had movement by meeting at the one bar and then going to the second. But there was no movement after that, which could have helped. A second location could have helped, potentially. Maybe you can do the first location, then if she doesn't seem ready yet, do the second, unless she hints otherwise.

4. Deep diving: I asked if she did anything adventurous and she said traveling, with a few trips she had gone on, including to Las Vegas (red flag? lol). I also talked about my experience traveling and it being exciting, and she said it was that way for her, too. That was my way of trying to reward adventurous activities.

5. Seeding a pull: I didn't seed a pull at all. I could have potentially done this with something tying it to my recent trip I took, which we did talk about.

6. Leadership frame: I didn't actually pay attention to this necessarily much. Instead, I was focused on my fun/sexy vibe.

7. Wanting it: My energy was alright. But I don't like using energy as an excuse or anything. Just execute.

More:

8. Sexy/sensual/fun/exciting/teasing vibe: I adopted a more sexy/fun vibe. I did this by smirking, which makes me feel more fun and exciting and whatnot. I think this is a step in the right direction. However, I need to tamp down the "excitingness", and instead have it be "simmering sexiness" that "oozes out of you. How do I do this? I'm not sure. Maybe squint? Slowing down my movements also helps with this.

9. Slowing down movements to be more sensual: This is what I want to work on. Fun is good, but sensual is better. Sexy and sensual. Smirk, squint, slow movements. I think this can come from tucking my chin. The last sentence is only for me, I don't think anyone else will understand what I am saying. But for me, when I tuck my chin, I seem to be able to lead, hold frame, and move slowly better.

10. Sexual topics: We had some moments that might've been sexual. One story went in that direction. But I need to work on getting my innuendo voice down. This goes along with being sensual and slow. That could have made the innuendo land better. Sexual topics require a vibe, which I am trying to develop.

11. Having her show me stuff: I had her show me her earrings. Okay as far as getting touch. I would love more ways to do this. But I am just trying a lot.

12. Back posture: I need to sit up straight better, with a straighter back. This will help with slow, sensual, powerful movement, instead of when I am slightly slumped forward, and it is harder to be sensual or slow. Problem is, I have a boney butt, and sitting up straight in chairs usually hurts my butt. First world problems? I'll flip it on its head: how do people sit up straight without hurting their butt? Questions.

13. Amused face: Have a more smirk/smile and amused face, rather than smirk/smile and "bright" face. This stamps down your excitedness, and make it more cool, calm, and collected. Amused face. Amused face, smirk/smile. Sean Connery does the amused face well. And the smirk/smile. Maybe I should just start watching him every day. The amused face helps with sensualness, too. The face is the remote control to emotions/vibe. Have the relaxed facial expressions you want. Relaxed into an amused face is good. Relaxed, but in a resting bitch face, is not so good. But relaxed face is good.


How did the date end up? She said she had to go home to bring her cat to her friend's house, because she was going on a trip the next day. We had met up straight from work, which is generally not good as far as logistics. I kind of expected this going in (and hopefully didn't subconsciously sabotage myself as a result). We parted ways. She unmatched on the app shortly after (she had wanted to do logistics through the app instead of by text, as some girls do. I usually avoid this). No false interest there!

I remember a piece of advice, which was no matter what conversation you are in, be the most comfortable in it. I think this advice was for sales, but it probably applies to seduction, too. Always be more relaxed, the most relaxed or comfortable person in the conversation. Even if you are trying new or different things, be the most comfortable. Probably good advice. Along with this is smiling with your eyes. You know how you can smile with your eyes? Do this. Because it is law of least effort. If you can convey approval of something, warm feelings, warmth, etc, through just your eyes (and the small muscles around your eyes), that is powerful. It is law of least effort. Squinting is part of this. This isn't the end all be all. But it can be helpful.

Another thing is breathing deeply. This helps you feel comfortable and grounded. I want to do more of this. How do I do it? Practice, I suppose. Practice feeling comfortable, and breathing deeply. Back posture helps with this. Back posture allows you to breath deeper, which calms you down, relaxes you, and makes you more chill. What helps with back posture is spreading your legs. No, really. Sit with your legs out facing wide, and it makes your lower back more straight. Don't as me why. It just does.

Wide legs->straight lower back->deeper breaths->calmer, more grounded, relaxed in body and facial muscles->more sensual vibe->sexier->she thinks you are a man. This is my new operating system. Particularly remember to do it when sitting on bar seats. Be relaxed. Spread your legs. This is the way.