kvothe’s journal

[Kvothe]

Hi,

I'm new to the boards and writing in a public space, but I figure that's just an excuse I've been using to reduce accountability for myself. I'm starting the newbie assignment, and plan to use this as a journal to document my progress.

A little bit about myself: I'm a junior in college in the US (soon to turn 21), and consider myself pretty awful with women in general. I have a bad case of approach anxiety which I'm hoping the newbie assignment will help me start to overcome. I'm looking forward to seeing where this journey will take me.

Day 1 (February 5, 2017):

So I've found four places on my campus that have a decent amount of foot traffic and turnover. The first place is our main plaza which has a cafe on the side. It has a lot of turnover as people are always going to and from class. The second place is the street in front of my campus, which has a lot of restaurants that are popular with students. Lots of traffic with people going from their homes to do their chores. Next place is this cafe near my apartment, which usually has quite a few cute girls sitting (usually sitting in groups but there's always one or two girls sitting alone or in a pair). The last place is a large lawn in the middle of my campus where people often sit and read, or do work when it's sunny out.

That's all for today. Will start day 2 tomorrow, and maybe more if I can get myself to.

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

Some thoughts on day 2: keeping a strong posture is much harder than it looks. It can get a little tough on the shoulders if you're not used to it.

Day 2,

In general, I found that walking around with better posture made me feel better and more confident, however, I felt that I didn't see as many reactions from others. The only minor changes I saw were that if I were walking, it was more likely for someone to go around me, as opposed to me going around others. In terms of girls, I felt/saw a few glances, but not too many from girls I found particularly attractive (maybe I need to spend some more time investing in better fashion). Maybe it's the fact that it's raining pretty heavily and most people are just huddled under their umbrellas. Anyway, I'm going to keep focusing on keeping this posture until it becomes natural, and then start tomorrow on noticing and holding eye contact. The added focus on looking for eye contact may end up resulting in me noticing more eye contact.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

Initial thoughts on day 3: I was pleasantly surprised with the results! I had a lot more girls giving me eye contact than I expected, which was a nice feeling.

Day 3,

This was much harder than I expected. I used to think that I was good at keeping eye contact, but keeping it with strangers is much harder. Lots of times I found myself catching someone's eyes, and then moving mine to the side very quickly. It took some effort to focus on someone else. By actually being on the notice for the glances, I saw a lot more. I was surprised by the duration. Mostly, I was surprised that most eye contact was much shorter than I expected (barely a second for more cursory looks). I'm not sure if that's normal, and more prolonged contact more out of the ordinary, but I'll go with Chase's advice and assume attraction. For about 5 or 6 of the people, I was able to keep sustained eye contact for more than a few seconds. Most of these were by girls too! It was a nice confidence boost to see that some girls were actually looking at me. For most of these girls, the tension became kind of high, and I had to smile to defuse the tension.

Good experience, very excited to start talking to attractive girls.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

Wow, today was was pretty ego-busting. Saying "hi" did not go as well as I was hoping. On the bright side, I definitely noticed an uptick in eye contact, and felt that my posture was becoming more natural.

Day 4,

So I spent the entire morning stuck in my head and missed out on a couple of opportunities with some girls that I thought were really attractive. That was a bummer. I finally worked up the nerve to say "hi", but what came out was so high pitched and soft that I'm embarrassed that it came out of my mouth. I'm pretty sure she didn't even hear me. After that, the next two girls I said "hi" to gave me a smile, the first one being more of an awkward smile, and the second being more natural. After that I had class, and I was back to being in my own head. I really need to stop getting in my head, for one it's leading me to do a lot of walking, which gets a tad exhausting and slightly emotionally draining. After that, I gave another super soft "hi" which I'm pretty sure the fourth girl didn't head, but I was doing it more to just get the syllable out. The next two were minutely better. At least the girls looked like they heard me, though I was so shaken that the "hi" was barely said in passing, and I didn't really stop to see the reaction, though I did notice her turn her head towards me.

Hopefully tomorrow I can do the "how's your day going?" I'm hoping that I can get out of my head faster and be more relaxed. I'm not sure whether that will be possible this early on, but hopefully the stress will go down as I get more used to approaching. Unfortunately tomorrow I'm pretty busy and will be commuting and spending time with my family for almost half the day. If I can't do it then I'll do it the day after.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

So I wasn't able to do the daily challenge today, since I was on transit or at home from noon onwards. But I was able to do one approach this morning, and that went fairly well, though my follow up definitely needs some work.

Day 4.5,

So after I finished working out, I was on my way to the bus stop. It was raining hard, and I didn't bring an umbrella, and I saw a cute girl who didn't have an umbrella. We both looked like we were going in the same direction, so I opened her by saying, "Guess we picked the wrong day to not bring an umbrella right?" She laughs and I ask her how her day is going. We end up talking down to the bus stop, and I find out that she's Russian, and has been living in the US for about 3 years. We talk a little about our majors, what she likes the most about the college, and her classes. Before my stop, I tell her that we should grab lunch. She looks down, laughs a little, and says, "maybe". I'm not sure whether this was her playing hard to get, or her letting me down nicely. Either way I get her number. Then I try to get off the bus smoothly, but it doesn't stop, so I'm stuck on the bus for another 2 minutes with her, which is slightly awkward but funny. We eventually part ways. All this happens around 10AM. I text her around 5:30PM, and this is the conversation:

Me: Hey Anna! Had a great time getting soaked with you this morning! -Kvothe (Maybe this was coming a little strong, but I was trying to be playful)
Her: It was nice meeting you

At this point I'm assuming that somewhere in the awkwardness I fucked up, because I probably either came on too nice, or just a little bit incongruent, and she may not have been expecting me to ask her out, especially since I didn't really display interest early in the interaction. Anyway, I figured that I should either try to polarize her one way or the other, or to make a little sarcastic remark on her less-than-enthusiastic reply. I couldn't think of a polarizing statement, so I chose the sarcastic one, and I replied to her:

Me: Lol and I was worried u weren't going to be an exciting texter

Looking back that was a terrible text, and I think I should have just waited a day, and then asked how her day was going. Oh well, I am going to be welcoming failure for the next few months, so this is just the first. But overall, I'm pretty happy with the fact that I was able to approach without much hesitation, and that I was able to carry on the interaction for a while.

Tomorrow I'll carry out day 5 of the newbie challenge.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

So even though my conversations didn't go past the "how was your day," I'm still pretty happy with what occurred. Also was able to keep strong posture, and noticed a lot of eye contact, so continuing to try and stay on top of previous days works.

Day 5,

So today I had to go to 6 girls and ask them how their day was. I'm pretty happy that I was able to go up to girls without hesitation and ask them. I barely needed to psych myself up, and my anxiety definitely felt a lot less. I could have improved by trying to engage in conversation with a few of the girls, but I will work on that in the future. One thing that I definitely want to improve is actually stopping girls and then saying the words to them. Right now I'm just walking past and saying the words while walking, which is definitely not what I want to be doing. I want to stop the girl, ask them how their day was, and then introduce myself and get into a conversation, then try to get the phone number and set up a date.

It was a solid set of reference points that show me that girls aren't going to bite if I approach them, which I definitely need to experience. Most of the girls smiled and told me how their day was, and a few even asked it back to me.

I'm pretty happy with the day, looking forward to the next couple of assignments.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi

Ugh, today was not good. After feeling like I did a good day yesterday with the how's your day going, I wasn't able to do a real cold approach today. I had two opportunities that I missed due to hesitation. Trying not to beat myself up over them. I'll just try harder next time. However, I did go to a party tonight, and was able to attempt to start up conversations with new girls without too much hesitation, so that's better than nothing.

Day 6,

So I went stag (alone) to this party my friend was hosting. It was a birthday party for three people I didn't know, and I went mainly for to attempt some kind of approach. So I talked to a couple of different girls, mainly just saying hi and asking how they were doing. None of them seemed to bite. Could have been because I wasn't bringing the energy, so I may have been appearing as a downer of kinds. I definitely feel that day gaming is what I'll do better in, mainly because I haven't had enough experience with girls to pull off a night time venue. I'll keep working on it though.

Anyway, day 6 done, and on to the more challenging parts of the assignment.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

Today marks the first day where I could not achieve what I set out to. I'm disappointed with myself, but I'll just have to give direct openers another go tomorrow.

Day 7 (V1),

So today I was supposed to give a genuine compliment to 4 girls, followed by introducing myself. I was able to do this with two girls. To the first girl, I said, "Hey, I saw you walking, and I just wanted to tell you that I liked your skirt." She seemed surprised and slightly taken aback, but said thank you. I gave her my name, and she just walked off without introducing herself. I blame my presentation. The second girl, I did much better on. I opened with, "Hey, I saw you standing here, and I had to tell you that I really like your dress. It's got a really nice summer vibe going." To which she also said thank you. This time, when I introduced myself, she gave me her name back. I then told her that the compliment was all I wanted to say to her, and I left. I need to work on stopping girls who are walking. I feel much more scared of that than I am of going to a girl who is standing near a wall, or sitting down.

First the bad points. On the first girl, I was super unconfident, and my voice was soft and trembling so much that I'm embarrassed for myself. I guess two days without approaching brought back my approach anxiety. Really hoping that I can keep this up relatively often so that it doesn't get that bad. The second girl, I was too embarrassed to start a conversation. I need to understand why I'm so scared of this, both girls' reactions were positive (in that they didn't tell me to go away). I'm sure that if I just start approaching more confidently, and less apologetically, it'll get better.

Onto the positive, I was able to get myself to do an approach much faster than when I had started a week ago, so there is definite improvement in either my courage or willpower. I was also able to get a girl's name, which is new for me. Most importantly, I feel, is that today is the first day that I did true direct openers, where I complimented a girl as my introduction. In the past, the most I was able to do was indirect-direct.

I'm not going to beat myself up, I'll just have to do the full day 7 tomorrow and steel myself up for the challenge.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

So I only did one approach today, since I have a midterm tomorrow and need to study for it.

Day 7 (V2),

I went up to one girl today, and told her I really liked her style. She was much happier than any girl I'd opened before, so I asked her where she was heading. I definitely think she would have been open to talking more, and I should have, but I could not think of anything to say.

I'm just happy I was able to do one approach today and having it go well. I'll try again tomorrow, but I'll probably be studying all day, so I don't expect another post until Friday.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

I can't believe it took me two weeks to finally get through this day. I've been working on projects for my classes, but that's not a good enough of an excuse for me. There are many moments in the day where I see attractive girls and all I have to do is talk to them.

Anyway, today went pretty badly. My head just was not in it, and I think I came off low energy and slightly depressing. I have to make sure to work on projecting myself and keeping my state at a stable energy level throughout the day.

Day 7 (finally),

So I gave 4 compliments to girls today. I introduced myself to three of them. The first girl I told that she had nice style. She said thanks and walked on. The second girl I said looked beautiful. She said that it was very nice of me to say that, and I introduced myself and we traded names. The third girl I also said was very beautiful. I gave her my name and she walked off. The last girl I said had nice style. She said thank you and walked off.

Positives: rejection is a good thing, and it's what I expect. In addition, I'm hoping my body adjusts to being rejected and approach anxiety goes down because I realize there's nothing that will happen by being rejected.

Negatives: I need to work on my voice and projecting confidence and strength when I talk. I need to make a more concerted effort to stopping girls when I go up to them, that way I can start a conversation with them. I also need to make sure to talk slower and be more decisive. I think I hesitate too long before deciding to approach, and that should change to just approaching if I want to, with very little time to think about it. I think this will come off more natural and make it less creepy.

I think I'm over the hump on the newbie assignment, and that feels good. Even though it was a rough day, it was a solid set of reference points, and I'm looking forward to the next assignment.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

Today was a good day. Got two girls' numbers while doing the assignment. It was my first time number closing on a direct open, so that felt good. The approach anxiety is still there, but I'm getting better at just going for it.

Day 8,

Today I was supposed to talk to two girls who were sitting down. I decided to do one "sudden notice" and one "sit down and open".

For the sudden notice, I spotted this asian girl sitting in a nice dress, so I walked in her direction, then when I reached her, I told her that I liked her style. She looked pretty flattered, and we traded names. I sat down and asked her what she was up to. She told me she was doing some reading for class, and then said that she had to finish the reading in an hour. I acknowledged what she said and then told her that she seemed cool, and that we should grab a coffee (switched from asking to dinner to asking for coffee). She was hesitant, but I told her that we could just exchange numbers and we could figure it out over text. TBH I didn't find her too attractive, it was mainly her clothes that looked nice, but I'll still try to go for the date.

The second girl was more my type in terms of looks. I sat down next to her in a cafe, and waited for a relatively long time before opening her. I was trying to gauge whether she was about to leave. Next time I'll try opening faster to see if that changes any reactions. I asked her what she was up to (very indirect, maybe next time I'll try to be more direct). She was much more open to talking and we had a pretty nice conversation. She told me I looked like a grad student because I was dressed very professionally (I'm glad to be looking older, but this makes me think that I need to add some edge otherwise I'll be at risk of looking like I'm boyfriend material). She told me that her week had been pretty hectic, so I told her that when she's free we should definitely grab a coffee. She said that she was down, so I grabbed her number and left.

When I got home I searched the second girl on Facebook and her profile picture has another guy in it, so I'm worried that she's not single. Definitely a lesson that I shouldn't look up girls after I meet them, and that I should ask "are you single" so that I know from the get-go what's up. Either way I'll grab a coffee with her, she was actually really good looking, so I'll see what happens.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

So this isn't related to the newbie assignment, I'm still trying to do that (taking many trips a day to bus stops trying to find ladies to talk to, but I may just move on to the next day because I'm not finding girls when I go by bus).

I went out on St. Patty's day to a club with some friends, and told them that they could point out any girl to me, and if I didn't go talk to them, then I'd pay them a dollar. This definitely removed a lot of the approach anxiety for me. I also was completely sober, so that also felt nice. I'm just going to list my approaches (I'll also make a field report).

Approach 1:
Very early in the night when there weren't many people. A very tall girl dancing with her friend. I went to her side and held her elbow. I told her that she was the most sensual woman in the club. She smiled and said thank you. I asked her if she wanted to dance and she didn't really give a reply, so I couldn't tell if I got rejected, but she made no movement as if to give me permission, so I went away.

Approach 2:
There were these two girls at the club were dressed very provocatively, in some lingerie looking leather. My friends told me to go talk to one of them. I went up to her and gave her a compliment, which she said thank you to. I traded names with her and then asked her to dance, to which she said that she doesn't enjoy dancing with guys. I wanted to try keeping a conversation going though, so I asked her some questions about herself, like what she did, how often she came to the club, and I also was trying to be pretty physical. I made some assertions about her, like how she seemed adventurous and had an exciting life because she was an EMT, which she kind of just shot down. At some point I felt the conversation dying, and left.

Approach 3:
A little later, I went and approached the other lingerie wearing girl, and told her she was beautiful. I again traded names, and then asked her to dance, which she politely refused. I tried again to get the banter going, but I could tell that she was bored by my line of questioning, so I left.

Approach 4:
This was my favorite of the night. The club was a lot more full by this point. There was this foul smell permeating throughout this one section, and I'm pretty sure someone vomited nearby. Anyway, I see this kind of cute girl dancing crazy, and I catch her eye. I go up to her and I tell her, "You're the one that farted, aren't you". She looks taken aback and says "no, that wasn't me", in a surprised kind of way. I hold for a second, and then smile and tell her, "I'm just joking, I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi", then I introduced myself. I told her that we should dance, and she told me she had a boyfriend.

Approach 5:
Only one of my friends who was with me was single, so I took him and approached these two girls. They were walking away, and I couldn't figure out how to smoothly grab one of them, so I kind of tried, touched, then missed her elbow, and then tapped it again. She turned towards me, and I told her that she and her friend should dance with me and my friend. Unsurprisingly, we were rejected.

That is a basic summary of my night. Because it was an 18+ club, I feel like some of the girls I approached may have been in high school, so maybe that played a role, but I also clearly need to tighten my fundamentals. I've been working out a lot and was wearing one of my favorite guess dress shirts on black jeans. I think I need to work on projecting my voice better, having better posture, and building some compliance early. It would also help to have people who are more inclined to be good with girls with me. So far I've basically been doing this alone, and while I'm okay with that, I think good influences and mentors would be a very positive thing.

On the plus side, I had so much less approach anxiety than ever before, and I had a lot more fun approaching. I tried to make myself feel good, and as a result, no girl ever blew me up outright or very harshly, and I was quite physical, which was a big step up for me. I definitely need to work on being more physical in the day though.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

Here's my day 9, which was to open girls on mass transit.

Day 9,

The first girl was a Latina girl. I opened her by asking her when the bus was coming, then asking her if she was going anywhere exciting. I basically kept talking to her while we were on the bus. I need to work on being more physical, but I think my conversation skills are improving. I should have asked her for her number at the end, but I wasn't too excited about her looks, but that was a mistake on my part.

The second girl was a white girl who was a graduate student. I did the same opener, asking her for the time of the next bus, then if she was going anywhere exciting. I did pause to tell her that she had gorgeous eyes later in the interaction, which I think she blushed and looked down and said thank you. I was pretty happy with myself for becoming comfortable enough with compliment girls after talking to them, which I think is a good step forward in becoming more sexual in my interactions. I didn't ask for her number, mainly because I felt she wouldn't be interested, but I should have tried at least.

That was the gist of day 9. This happened a while ago, so it wasn't as detailed as I'd have liked. I've been trying to do the "are you single" but I'm worried that since I'm in university, going this direct will create a bad reputation for myself, but I think that's just in my head, and I just have to push ahead.

Thanks,

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

Two posts in one day?

Anyways, I was traveling for spring break for the past 4 days, and I think that I made great strides in my personal development. While I'm still a virgin, I had a lot of good experiences. I'll put the actual interactions in a field report, and mostly just write about general things in this post.

I did a lot of direct openers, indirect openers, and a few indirect direct openers. One thing I noticed was that girls in relationships are a lot nicer than girls who are probably single. I'm not sure why that is, but I have a feeling it is because they might have been horny, and I just didn't fit the bill of what they wanted.

My approach anxiety is much, much less, and after a few days, I was starting to feel excited at the prospect of approaching, with very little actual fear. I'm excited to go back to school, where I can make more efforts towards day game, which I think I will be better at than night game, though I plan to work on night game as well.

I need to continue working on my fundamentals, mainly my voice and fashion.

I was very happy as well with the fact that I was a lot more comfortable being physical with girls. I was touching a lot more, even with girls wearing bikinis and that was good.

I was mostly sober throughout the interactions with girls, so that made the feeling even better.

I'll write a field report too, because I think feedback would be useful.

Thanks,

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

So after I got back from spring break, I ended up falling sick (unsurprising I know) but it put a damper on my going out. Anyway I used the time to read a lot and do well in some of my classes, so still being productive.

I've only done one approach worth mentioning, I was walking home and saw a girl wearing a denim jacket I liked so I just went and told her I liked it. She took it pretty well, and we continued walking in the direction. Nothing very exciting in conversation and no touching. But it was a direct opener and the first approach I've done where I go the same direction as the girl.

I went to the doctor yesterday and found out I have bronchitis so now I'm on antibiotics. Once that clears up I should be back to normal.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Hi,

So I went to a party last night with my roommate. I'm still recovering from the bronchitis, so I wasn't trying to stay up too late, so I figured I'd hit one party then go back to my apartment and sleep.

I played some rage cage, and then was chilling with my friends, trying to meet some of his teammates (my roommate is on the school's soccer team), and just trying to be social. These two girls come next to me and one of them starts talking to this soccer player, and the other one just lingers next to me not a part of the conversation. I immediately go to introduce myself. I just say hi and ask her her name, and we start talking. I focus a lot on touching, and it made the interaction feel so much better and more natural. The girl was also a lot warmer, which made the conversation more fun. I think I messed up while talking to her though, because I did not lead the conversation well, and the talk went very stale, and she started talking to her friend. Through this talk, I found out that the girl was about to graduate from high school and was visiting my college since she had gotten accepted. This freaked me out a little bit, because I didn't know whether she was underage, so I basically bounced out of that conversation.

A little later, this black girl came next to me (I wasn't attracted to her) and I could tell she was really interested, but I honestly did not feel any attraction at all. So I politely left the conversation, and eventually left the party.

All in all a good night, I'm definitely going to work more on touching and leading conversations onto good/fun topics and will also try to build more chase frames into conversations.

Kvothe

 

[Kvothe]

Starting to get back into it.

Spent today in a new city, gave a genuine compliment to one girl, and said hello to a few others. Easing back into it and excited for the next few weeks.

 

[Kvothe]

So not a bad way to get back into things, but I definitely need to increase the amount of girls I talk to.

Day Game:
Opened one girl directly and she said thank you but kept walking, then I asked her name and she gave it. Tried to get her to stop for a few minutes, she seemed like she was on the verge of doing so it then decided not to. Things learned: push more and be more dominant.

Night game:
Warmed up by talking to these two girls on my way to the club, seemed nice but I think I was being too friendly. They said I was with them for the club though, so that was cool.

Met another girl who I had a long conversation with. She started becoming more touchy as the talk went on, and I think I did a good job of playful/flirtatious banter. Terrible logistics so I got her number to which she said she had a boyfriend, but I'm new to the city and could use some cute female friends so I will probably go for lunch.

 

[Kvothe]

Had an absolute blast today. Lots of progress with getting past initial shitty feelings. It's all about social momentum, honestly.

Day game:

Once again, I only managed to talk to one girl (getting annoyed, I'm setting a goal to talk to at least 10 girls a day via daygame). Saw her walking and walked past her, and then was on the fence about talking to her, but decided that I couldn't not do so. So I ran back to her, and side opened her by telling her that she was beautiful. She took it with a smile. After that I tried to get a conversation going, but it was kind of awkward. Ended up number closing, but she gave a fake number, ah well.

Lessons learned: need to start talking to more girls, it's the only way to get things to go more smoothly. Also try to make the conversation better. This one was all facts, nothing interesting, no wonder I got a fake number.

Night game:

So I was feeling shitty after the fake number, and was not feeling at all like going out, but I refused to go home. I ended up in a new part of town, and went into this bar, where I saw a huge group. Started a conversation with one guy, just trying to build social momentum. The dude ends up buying me a drink, which I'm very grateful for. I join his group and just go about socializing with everyone, trying to see if I'll end up somewhere cool. I end up at this awesome bar, where I socialize more with the group, just having a good time.
Then I see this one Italian girl conversing with another member of the group, I join this conversation and start flirting heavily with the Italian girl. It's going pretty well, and I actually get some investment when I suggest we take a look at the view from the top. Unfortunately, I think her friend was into me, plus their logistics were terrible, so nothing really came out of it, except getting to talk to a gorgeous girl. She gave me a hug at the end, so she was pretty comfortable with me.

Lessons learned: be more dominant, use more touch, and be more calibrated with comments. Try to get the girl alone to talk with.

A good night, I'm glad I pushed through my initial shitty feelings.

A side note on knowing no one. It started off being a real handicap, but the moment I turned on my social side, everyone was almost in awe of the fact that I was on my own, traveling to the other side of the country without knowing anyone. All of the girls were saying how my story was awesome and so full of adventure. So I know I'm displaying some very positive traits, I just need to make myself more sexual and edgy. I'll get there.

Side side note: I had two different guys buy me drinks (they weren't gay, they just thought I was cool and "in"). This was awesome, and having other people buy me drinks I think says a decent amount about my social value. I doubt people would spend money on someone they didn't want to, so it was great to realize that I have a pretty high social value.

 

[Kvothe]

Update about Italian girl. I remember her and her friend asking us where we were going next, with emphasis at me, so I think what happened was a failure of leading. Next time I hear that I should suggest getting out of the place we are at and moving to a better seduction location.

Lesson learned: notice the escalation windows, I failed at that and now she probably went home with some other dude.