kvothe’s journal

[Kvothe]

Not a great day, but I tried some new things, which I am proud of for doing.

Not doing night game today for two reasons. 1) I start work tomorrow and want to be alert. 2) I've walked 33 miles in the last two days and I can feel my body dying.

Anyway, first girl was in a group of two, something I've never opened before. The two were in a tourist spot, I go to the friend, and give a genuine compliment on her hula hooping skills, and then tell her that I thought her friend was really cute, before opening the friend. Honestly not sure what to do in this situation, but it was a good reference point. The girl I thought was cute immediately said that she had a boyfriend. I tried to talk a little more, but nothing really I could think of.

So after walking a lot, I realize that I'm not as past approach anxiety as I thought, so I decide to try and finish the newbie assignment. I honestly don't know if I asked two or three girls, so I'm going to go with two. I went up to two girls and ask if they are single. The first one says no and looks at me like I'm kind of weird (which at this stage is probably natural), and the second answers by saying that she's 18. I immediately internally freak out, and can't come up with anything to say. Looking back, I'm 21, hitting on an 18 year old isn't that off, but I think it says more about how old I look.

I wish I could have done more approaches. It's really bumming me out that I'll see these cute girls and want to talk to them, but then my brain and body just refuse and come up with some excuse, either that someone is watching, or that the girl is too young/old. It's just a plateau I'm going to have to break through by getting more used to it.

 

[Kvothe]

So another not spectacular day. The best thing I can say is that I'm taking action in trying to make female friends and putting more effort into caring less about what others think. I was only able to leave my apartment around 7:30 so that greatly hampered how much time I had. I'll head out tomorrow around 5:30-6.

One good approach. I tried a new, more genuine sounding opener: "Hi, I saw you walking, and I just really wanted to meet you." The reaction seemed a lot warmer than usual, though I was feeling very depressed and that may have come across in my demeanor, so maybe the girl was responding to that. Had a longer than nothing conversation, which ended when she told me she had a boyfriend. Not really too bummed by that, rejection is what I'm expecting.

Approached two others, one was awful because as I was talking to her, she went and hopped in a cab LOL. The second was better. Was on public transit and asked if she was headed anywhere excited. The girl seemed surprised, and honestly a little young, so I didn't go too much into it.

Decisiveness is my biggest problem at the moment. Without changing my nature to become more decisive, I simply cannot hope to meet the volume of girls necessary. I think I need to update my goal to be: "if I see a girl I like, I have 5 seconds to talk to her". Would be a lot easier with someone with me, but I'll have to be accountable to myself.

I am proud of myself for going out again today, even though I wasn't feeling it.

Until tomorrow.

 

[Kvothe]

Small improvements made today, so I'm calling it a win. Even 1% growth is okay.

Today was good because I was decisive, day gamed four women and got one number. I don't think it's a flake because it registered on snapchat as a user.

1. Opened this girl by telling her that she looked like a real showstopper (credit to NarrowJ for that one). We had a decently long conversation, but it wasn't personal at all. Next steps would be to capitalize on girls who open well and work on building some familiarity while displaying interest and non-neediness.

2. Some random girl walking across the street. Stopped her by telling her I had to meet her, to which she laughed off and kept walking away.

3. Best girl of the day. Her name is Carmen, and she was also the most attractive. Had a decent conversation. Simple opener, told her I thought she was cute. Got her number, and I also asked if she was single, to which she told me she was! I think this is the best lead I've ever gotten from day game. Really shows me the power of social momentum.

^So these three were all within 20 minutes on my way to work, so I'm proud of my own decisiveness in opening. Considering that two days ago I would walk around for 4 hours and open three girls, I think that's an improvement.

4. Saw this girl walking on my way back from work and opened her. Just told her I thought she was cute. Turned out she wasn't as attractive as I thought, so I told her to enjoy her night. Basically just made her feel good on the inside.

So 4 girls. More than on any other day, so improvement. Real phone number, also good. Tomorrow I'm going to an RSD Free Tour so I won't be able to day game after work, so everything will have to be on my walks to and from work. Should be interesting to see how other people treat game.

 

[Kvothe]

A decent day.

On the way to work, I opened this Australian girl. Pretty proud about how decisive I was, but she seemed quite a bit hesitant and kept walking away. Looking back, I should have told her to stay and talk with me for two minutes. Asked her if she was single, so bonus points there. Ended up getting the number, but it was too short to be real, and because it was Australian, I had no real way of contacting her, especially since WhatsApp didn't register the number as a contact.

Rest of the way to work was bad, should have opened but didn't. Excuses of being late to work, even though I was definitely not running that late.

On the way to the RSD free tour, I opened a couple more girls. None were really that good. One had a semi-long distance boyfriend, so I bid her adieu, the other was wearing a cute grey dress, but she reacted very gruffly, and haughtily walked off.

Went to the RSD Free Tour. Awesome to see masters of the trade and how they talked and portrayed themselves. Easy confidence, loud and clear speech that was fun to listen to, and interesting styles of game. The most important point that I think I've been lacking that may be making my approaches off is a lack of genuineness, which I need to put back in. I'm being too mechanical, and that needs to change. I also really need to figure out how to make phone numbers not flake. To do so, I think I need to have better interactions (ie banter) before taking my leave of the girl.

 

[Kvothe]

Man what a night. Let's start with the day game.

Talked to about 3-4 girls, simple openers, nothing really came out of it. I think I was being relatively outcome independent. I'm considering it more social momentum building, so it was pretty solid for that.

Night game:

So I went to this young professionals bar, and it was pretty decent. Basically used it to build momentum. Talked to these two girls, basically following the RSD principle of just try to bring the energy and be a good time. Pretty useful to warm up. After that, my mom called, so I went outside to take the call. She hung up and said she would call back. In the meanwhile, I saw this cute girl in a nice dress. Went up to her, just saying that I needed a friend until my mom called me back. Totally honest, no fake intent there, and she took it amazingly well. We talked for a decent bit, she actually opened up pretty largely, and invited me to join her and her friends at their table. She was 34 though, and something told me that I should keep moving. I didn't want to stay in one place and spend all my momentum there. Went to this club called Webster House, and met these two dudes, just talked to them for a bit to keep the momentum up. Had a drink there, and talked to some girl there, and also gave a compliment to some other girl.

Ended up going to my friend's place afterwards. I get opened by this cute Indian girl. She's interning with my friend, and it's a huge intern party, so I know I got to keep it discreet. But I flirt pretty well with her, and we'll see where that goes. After that, my friends and I head to some random rooftop club.

I meet this Irish girl, and we get to talking. I fuck this up by saying that she doesn't look anything like her ID. Fuck, this got fucked quickly. That ends. I end up walking around the club a bit, make some small talk, meet some friends. My friend seems interested in meeting a girl, and I encourage him to try. He goes up to a girl and tells her that he wants to buy her a drink, but she says that she has a boyfriend. I later go to head to the bathroom. I run into the same girl and I start talking with her. Don't remember what I said, probably asking how her night is going, or some situational opener similar. We get to talking, and we talk about so much stuff. First girl I've connected with in a while. It was awesome. Sexual flirtation was there as well. I make a joke about how I don't think about sex at all, she's talking about how Italy is becoming all about sex, and that romance is basically gone (she's Italian but has been living in London). Side note: I love Italian girls. She introduces me to her best friend, who I thought was her boyfriend, since my friend got rejected by her. But he's actually gay. She uses him as protection against unwanted men. What a smart concept. She likes me though, and guesses that I'm 27 (LOL I'm 21), and she is super surprised. I can tell that she was attracted to me though, and I think I did fairly well, considering she was with her gay friend. The gay friend was actually rooting for me though, which was flattering. Keep talking for like a solid 45 minutes. It was great. Eventually we decide to head out. She says she wants to see Time Square, and asks me along. I need to use the bathroom so I say that I'll do that first. When I get back, tragically, they're gone. The way I see it there are three things that could have happened.
1. Both of them went into the same bathroom at the same time as me, and I didn't realize. Should have asked the bathroom attendant, but I forgot. Lesson learned.
2. They both talked and the girl realized she didn't like me as much as she thought she did, and realized that it was the perfect chance to get out of there.
3. Something else.

Don't know what I should have done, but I have nearly no regrets from my night game today. Day game is just a matter of volume, but the decisiveness is happening.

I'm excited that I'm seeing some improvement. It's very encouraging.

 

[Kvothe]

Damn it everything got deleted.
Ok so long story short. Weekend was bad after Friday. Did some approaches Saturday, but none really went anywhere. I'm becoming better and more casual about asking girls whether they are single, so that's a positive. Sunday had a very solid approach where I talked to a girl on the subway for like 30 minutes. She replied to my initial icebreaker text, then didn't answer a question I sent in the reply. Sent a date set up text today, so hoping for a response.
Started a new hobby today for fun. Made friends with a chubby girl. There was another cute girl in my class. Introduced myself at the end of the class but the girl seemed shy. Will talk to her tomorrow and try to build some rapport.
Goals to approach by Sunday: 40+
Numbers: 10+
Average length of conversation from a positive opener: 10+ minutes

It's all about social momentum. Also I realized that the week is much better for day game than the weekend, at least in terms of finding girls alone rather than being with friends.
Also realized that I'm going from highs to lows, which I think is a natural part of the journey, but is still difficult for will power.
Also the goal is to drink a lot less this week. Hangovers are not conducive to my growth.

 

[Kvothe]

Ugh, what an awful two days. Rejections after rejections, and work has gotten me depressed as hell. Luckily I finally fixed an issue at work, but I lost my cool for the first time today with the girl from the class. Not good.
Anyway, yesterday I did some day game in the morning and evening (2 and 2). One I had a good conversation with, but she had a boyfriend. Second said she was late for work and hurried off. Another was an actress. She ended up having a boyfriend too, but okay conversation. The other was not memorable at all. Not even decent conversations.

Today was 2 opens. On the first, the girl just looked up and said it doesn't matter when I asked her for her name. Ouch. Hardest rejection I've had. Second girl I talked to for a decent bit, but she had a boyfriend. Got some good advice from my other post, so I'll try putting that into effect tomorrow.

Thankfully, a shitty spell is usually followed by a lucky spell, so I just have to keep putting myself out there and working on it.

Still trying to increase my volume.

 

[Kvothe]

Update on last two and half days. Thankfully, my really bad week seems to be over, and I'm feeling more positive and optimistic. Maybe going through highs and lows is just part of the process of having my ego take a royal beating.

Honestly nothing good happened on Thursday. I got rejected off the bat on all of them, though I think that was more an inner vibe thing than an outer girl didn't like me thing.

Yesterday, I finished my class, which was cool. The really cute girl from the class and I were talking (she was the one I thought I lost my cool with, but I think that me losing my cool is not perceived as me losing my cool). Anyway, I asked her out, and she had a boyfriend, but I'm glad I asked. I had her stuck in my head all week, and it seriously messed me up. A lesson that if I want something then I have to go for it, that way I'll know if it was something I could get.

Besides that, did a couple other approaches, but none really went that well.

But then, I was heading out the clubs and went to the subway, when I noticed a girl walk next to me, stop, and wait. Basically the exact scenario as in Chase's article on approach invitations. I'm annoyed that I didn't immediately seize the moment. But the girl walked towards the tracks, and I followed her. Took a few seconds and asked where she was headed. She seemed super pleased that I was talking to her. Literally talked to her for half a minute, and then my train came, so I told her that I wanted to grab a coffee, and she gave me her number. I got the date set up for Monday! Super excited about it. Hope that my texts didn't screw things up. Don't think that I did.

In terms of nightgame, we went to dance clubs, and honestly, I just could not figure out how to talk to any girl. Too loud, people dancing not talking, definitely not my scene. I would love to see someone with that skill in action though. Talked to some girls at the bars, but nothing really came out of it.

Also some random girl told me that her friend thought I was hot. The girl she was talking about wasn't, but it was still flattering. I was dressed really nicely though: black extra slim dress shirt tucked in some maroon pants with some boots.

Today, I went biking around the city and opened far more girls than I ever have on a single day, so it was definitely a win. No results unfortunately, but I had a couple of solid interactions. One girl had a boyfriend but was super chill, so I just walked around and talked with her for like 20 minutes. It was nice. The other I met at a star bucks and complimented her on her dress. She was swedish, and single, but just not down. It was cute seeing her try to give me a reason for not going out. Ah well.

Anyway, things look up again, and I'm hoping for the best on Monday. Still going to keep approaching though, not going to let one girl get in my head again.

 

[fog]

Took a few seconds and asked where she was headed.

Where was she going?

 

[Kvothe]

Took a few seconds and asked where she was headed.

Where was she going?

Mainly just used the question because it seemed most pertinent for the subway situation, though I could have opened direct. Guess I just wanted the higher opening percentage shot :/

She said she was headed to north to grab pho. Why she was headed there at 10 I don't know. I'm pretty sure she's single though, based off of the text conversations I had, but I'm sure it'll come up when we grab coffee. She's new to the area and came looking for adventure.

 

[fog]

Took a few seconds and asked where she was headed.

Where was she going?

Mainly just used the question because it seemed most pertinent for the subway situation, though I could have opened direct. Guess I just wanted the higher opening percentage shot :/

She said she was headed to Washington Heights to grab pho. Why she was headed there at 10 I don't know. I'm pretty sure she's single though, based off of the text conversations I had, but I'm sure it'll come up when we grab coffee. She's new to the city and came looking for adventure.

Sounds like a great opportunity. I asked about where she was going because situations like these (where the girl gives you an approach invitation and is clearly excited to be talking to you when you open her) can be great to ask for an insta date.

 

[Kvothe]

Dang, I didn't consider that. Good point Backstory. I'll keep that in mind next time

 

[Kvothe]

So just went on a date with the girl from Friday, I'll call her VeganGirl (VG).

So I met this girl on the subway. She gave me a pretty clear approach invitation, and I'm happy to say that I managed to seize it. We barely talked for like 2 minutes when my train came, so I asked her for her number and she gave it to me.

Here's the text convo (sorry it's long):

Me: Hey! It was good meeting you VG
Hope you can find your way to X area
VG: Goodmorning, kvothe! Sorry I didn't text you last night, my phone was on 1%. Also, I eventually made it.
Me: Good morning! Haha no worries, we've all been there
What were you up to there?
VG: I was trying to get pho haha. Where were you heading?
Me: Haha sounds exciting, I was meeting some friends nearby to grab some drinks
Sooo, we barely got to have a conversation last night, and I would love to get to know you better What's your schedule looking like this weekend and during the week to grab coffee?

Some logistics later, we agreed on Monday, then I realized that Sunday would be better because less time constraints.

Me: Wait, you said you're free tomorrow right? Can we do that instead of Monday lol? I'd rather not be brain dead from work haha
VG: I can be for a little, but I'm going to a concert in the evening
Me: Ooh fun, then let's just stick with Monday
VG: Okiedokie

Then tonight, around 7:37PM, I get this:

VG: Hey, I know it's kinda late but I decided not to go to the concert
Me: Just saw your text (9:08PM, I really did just see it then)
I actually haven't eaten anything yet
VG: I'm down to get food. But i live far. Where do you stay?
Me: I'm in [redacted]
I was thinking we could grab some food nearby here
VG: That would be fun, but I wouldn't be able to be in the area for another hour
Or more
Me: Hmm, in that case I'll probably eat something, but I don't think I'll be asleep for a while, so we can grab some dessert (I'm always down for dessert)

And then some more logistical stuff. Any criticism of the texting would be nice.

So we meet up. I give her a hug, and tease her for messing up on the train, and we start walking up the street. I set a chase frame saying that she was so excited to see me that she skipped her concert. She was like "maybe" and laughed. We kept talking and bumping into each other quite often. I was trying to be more physical, and hugged her often, and made her touch my (somewhat nonexistent) abs for compliance.

Made some jokes about how we both could be strippers, and she was totally playing along with it.

She asked me why I ended up talking to her on the subway, and I told her that I thought she seemed cool and cute. Then I asked back at her why she came out with me, and she said the same reasons.

Then she tells me that she works at [redacted] as an executive sales person, and in addition is also a model, and also a really good skier, and almost qualified for the Winter Olympics as a figure skater. She also says that she wants to be a neuroscientist. I'm barely talking about myself, just playful flirting, and trying my best to deep dive and get to the whys. I think I did a good job, she seemed to be having a good time.

She also told me that she used to be transgender, in the sense that she used to want to be a boy. But then she decided that being a girl was fine.

We ended up somewhere around midnight, and we sat down for a bit. I tried to go for a kiss, but when I leaned in, she leaned back, and I tried to play it off as no big deal. She said that she never kisses a guy on the first date, and I said that I kiss girls almost exclusively on the first date. She said then she would have to be the first.

We kept walking around for a bit. We ended up going into this sex shop and just looking at all these sex toys, and the front covers of these porn films. We also have a decent amount of sexual talk, which is an improvement for me, because I used to be absolutely uncomfortable talking to women about sex, and there I was in a dirty movie store with a gorgeous girl.

Then I walked her to the train station, give her a hug, and tell her that I had a fun time, and when she says that maybe she'll se me around sometime with a questioning air to it, I tell her that I'd like that.

Overall, I'm happy with the fact that I went on the date, and that it went pretty well. I'll definitely be seeing her again, but I will also continue approaching other girls, and trying to go on more dates. No other way to improve.

 

[Kvothe]

So the girl from the date sent me this gem when I asked her out again:

Her: Yeah I'm down. But I don't think I wanna be more than friends if that's okay

Maybe a test, but didn't seem like it. Thinking on yesterday, maybe I was too much of a goofball, and so was acting more like a clown or a knight than a king. Just goes to show that I have to put more work into my fundamentals.

So I finally managed to meet my goal on daygame today: 11 approaches. And 11 rejections without a single solid conversation. I'm not sure why my opening percentage is much lower, but I have a few theories.
1) Random chance, the girls who I have been approaching were just the types to reject me. And to be honest, out of like 20-30 girls, about 5 or 6 actually stayed for a conversation. And of those 5, one came on a date with me. That ratio seems about right for my stage, but I think I can do better if I just keep improving. I think I might need to invest in some more fashionable items.
2) Opener isn't genuine-this is one I consciously realized was happening last week, and I've been working to dial up the genuineness. I found that trying to do genuine compliments is hard for me, because I mainly look only at the face when I decide to approach a girl, I honestly don't care too much about her fashion. So I'm back to the "I think you're cute/beautiful" and will continue to try that. I'll also try to intersperse some "Are you single" openers in there and maybe some indirect direct.
3) I'm opening in a too touristy place and hence a girl is getting talked to by random men trying to sell her something all the time. This could be happening, and to fix it, I've lowered the amount of distance I spend walking down Broadway on my way to work.
4) They are in a hurry and don't have the time-nothing much I can really do here unless I get my sexiness up to the point where the girl will choose me over running late
5) They are genuinely not single. I've found in my experience that girls in relationships are amongst the nicest rejections I've received. Just an interesting observation. I think Chase wrote an article about that some time ago.
5) Girl's are noticing me approach other girls and are remembering me when I talk to them on future days. Given that I'm in New York, this seems like a highly arrogant and self centered belief, and so I don't think it's true. But, on the off chance that it is, I will try to randomize the routes/times that I take to work in the mornings and evenings.

Some approaches, the girl will straight rebuff me, and act like I don't exist, so I would think they fall into category 1 or 3. Some girls will say thank you, without any warmth while continuing to walk ahead without looking at me, I think they would be category 1 or 2. Some are nice and seem warm, but continue walking, so I put them in category 1, 4, or 5.

I've got to try and snap girls out of autopilot. Only way to increase the opening percentage.

That's it for the analysis for today. Goal for tomorrow: >10 approaches, and 2 "solid" interactions.
Longer-term goal: get a girl out on an insta-date

 

[fog]

So the girl from the date sent me this gem when I asked her out again:

Her: Yeah I'm down. But I don't think I wanna be more than friends if that's okay

Maybe a test, but didn't seem like it. Thinking on yesterday, maybe I was too much of a goofball, and so was acting more like a clown or a knight than a king. Just goes to show that I have to put more work into my fundamentals.

I don't think the issue here is that you were a goofball. I think you moved a little bit too slow! I know you tried kissing her but you could have invited her back to your place and started escalating there instead. What do you think?

 

[Kvothe]

I think you are absolutely right Backstory. And now I'm kicking myself. Not going to make that mistake again.

Nothing much really to update. Talked to four girls yesterday and two today. Got one number. Tried following advice about not asking for number immediately after asking whether she was single (she is), but cannot verify number via snapchat. Don't expect it to pan out. I think my ratio of rejections : conversations : numbers : dates is expected, though I will try to make it better. The only issue I'm having is that I get extremely tired at night, so I'm going to start taking naps so that I can do some night game. Definitely want to make cross-gaming a thing.
Also need to start working out more.
Tomorrow I'm going to try using the "Are you single" as an opener. Personally, asking it off the bat freaks me out, so I probably need to get used to doing it.

 

[Kvothe]

So only one approach today, but it went fairly well.

Went to a show with my friend, the girl sitting next to me is dressed in elegant attire, and I knew that I had to talk to her. Focused on not staring at her during the ballet, so that I wouldn't fall into the creepy category. During intermission, I open her indirectly by asking how she's liking the play. She seems excited to talk to me, and tells me that she actually is in a similar field to the show we're watching. I try to do a couple of cold reads, and guess that she's Italian, but she's from El Salvador, here for the summer. She tells me she's only been in here for two weeks, and I'm like me too, so I give her a high five (trying to build some physical compliance). The high five felt different. There was a pause when our hands touched that was longer than a normal high five. Talk a little more about how long she's done ballet, and her passions about it. I talk very little about myself.

At the end, I make some comment too her, then tell her that I liked talking to her, and that we should grab a coffee. She seemed excited and told me that she had an el salvador number. I learned from my last mistake with the Australian girl to add foreign numbers directly to whats app. While this phone exchange was going on, I complimented her on her dress by telling her that she looked absolutely elegant (which she did, so the compliment was genuine). Asked her about her schedule to see what would work well. Seems like the weekend will be the right time.

Some justifications for some decisions I made (if you read this feel free to give input on whether these choices were right or wrong):
Went indirect on the open because I'd have to be sitting next to her for another hour, so I felt that the less risky opener would be the better choice. Plus getting rejected then having to sit next to the person that rejected me would have been quite awkward.
Also did not go for the insta date because it was 10:30PM and both of us had to be up early for work, so it logistically would not make sense.

Other interesting notes:
My friend was sitting on the other side of me and watched all this go on. At the end, he told me that he was amazed by how fast I went. Best compliment I've ever gotten.
I find that I have a much better interaction when it feels as natural as possible. Like when I'm putting in very low effort, and its just working. Oddly enough, I need to put more work into being less try hard, while working hard to improve myself with women by putting more effort into opening. It's a weird line that I'm trying to find the balance between. Or maybe it's just because I went indirect.

 

[Kvothe]

So night game went miserably. I have no idea how to open girls in groups or girls who are in twos. So I basically just went to a bunch of bars and just stood there, while sometimes making a conversation with a random person or just making a general comment. Not fun. Tomorrow, I'm going to set a goal to talk to at least 10 girls during the night.

Street game was much better. Made two quality approaches. First one was food network girl. Preopened her on the way to work, and then gave her a compliment. She mentioned that I scared her, but her demeanor did not say scared, maybe more surprised. We had a decent conversation, then I asked her to coffee, and also figured out her schedule. I'll probably send her the ask text on Sunday, since she's out of town for the weekend.

Second girl was around 10PM, I saw this girl catch my eye and smile, so I took it as an approach invitation. Just went up behind her, slight pre open by touching the small of her back, and telling her that I just wanted to meet her. Asked her where she was headed, and then asked her to coffee. Also asked for her schedule. She said she was free all the time, so maybe it will go well. Not expecting too much from this one, but I think she liked me. She's from Mexico.

The ballerina girl I'll probably go out on a date with soon. She's been pretty warm in all her texts, and she said she'll get back to me on a day that works for her, so I'll just leave that until she responds to me.

 

[Kvothe]

So did a couple approaches today, nothing really stuck.

But I did go on a date with the ballerina, and we ended up making out for a few hours, so improvements indeed. Writing up a field report for that. I also decided to leave reports separate from the journal, just to avoid double content.

 

[Kvothe]

Nothing to really update, approached one girl today.

I'm feeling very tired and unmotivated these past few days and I don't know why. Going to change it tomorrow.