kvothe’s journal

[Kvothe]

Man it's been a pretty bad week. Not that many approaches and I wasn't able to close the ballerina girl either.
Went on a second date with her, kissed her a lot on the date, and it was pretty coupley to be honest. The reason I was being more affectionate was because the girl was leaving for El Salvador in a day, so I was basically trying to get all that I could. Realized that I should have just told her to come to my place instead of going out for dinner. Next time there's that much of a time crunch, I'm going to do that.
Day game wise, I've been completely out of it. I feel paralyzed, and I'm not sure why. The huge fear that I started with is gone, and it's been replaced by this dull voice in my head just telling me to let it go. I'm not taking action and that's not good.
Went out today for a few hours, trying to get back into it. Was able to do two approaches easily, with both being pretty warm to my open. After that, I fell into my paralysis. I must have seen at least 5 or 6 cute girls, but I just did not do anything.
I'm unhappy with myself, and I don't have any excuses. I'll go out again tomorrow. I think I need to make my goal to stop second guessing myself, and to stop just go for it, without hesitation. The moment I hesitate, I'm screwed.
Hopefully the next entries will be more entertaining to read :/ Sorry for the rant, I'm annoyed with myself and trying to shame myself into taking more action.

 

[Kvothe]

So interesting night after the previous rant. I read through a bunch or articles, as well as Hector's piece on him wanting it more and getting more rejections than anybody. So I went out to do a bit more day game, and was only able to approach one girl. Tried preopening, but ended up scaring her, and she ran out of there fast.
Went out in the night with Davai. First time going out with a wing man, it was super different and awesome. Having someone else who has the same goals as you is a great motivator. We went around and just talked to a huge number of girls. A couple hooked and seemed fun. Then we went to this one group of two. Davai opened the first girl, and went to take her down, so I started talking to the other girl. She's a cute 20-year old Turkish girl. I talk some with her, and she's super open to my touching her, and I take full advantage of that. I suggest we go up to the roof terrace (my ask is not smooth, but she says yes), and we go. I lock into a spot, and have her between my legs, and am kind of hugging, kind of dancing. Then I go for the kiss and she reciprocates. It was an awesome feeling. This was my first time making out with a girl in a bar, and the first time making out with a girl I had only just met (Ok I made out with a girl once before, but she approached me, so I don't count it). She says she wants to smoke, so I suggest we go outside together. Once we reach outside, I tell her that we should go explore the area. While doing this, I keep touching, intermittently kissing, and deep diving her. Eventually we get close to the train, and the girl asks me where we're going. I tell her we should check out Times Square since it would be super cool at night (and it's close to my apartment, but I don't say that). She seems on the fence about it, so I tell her that her friends will be fine. She says okay, but that she'll just call her friends first. She calls her friends, and says that she needs to meet one of them at the bar, and therefore has to go back. I try to convince her not to, and to come with me, but I can't get her to change her mind. She gives me her phone number at this point so she can meet me later in the week (not expecting that to happen, but I'll try). So we go back to the bar. We make out a bit, and then she meets her friend, and then we part ways.
Go back out to where Davai is, and talk to some more girls. At this point, I start feeling really nauseous, like I'm going to throw up, so I call it a night and head home.
Overall, I'm proud of myself for pushing, and for achieving something that 6 hours ago I did not even think was in the realm of possibility. I have no doubts that I'm going to continue having ups and downs, but I'm going to keep enjoying the ups.
Things to work on:
1) approaching more girls: Davai does this really well, and I'm going to try to be more like him. Plus, I would never have made out with the Turkish girl had I not kept approaching. It really is just a numbers game.
2) be more sexual and less boyfriendy: I'm still behaving too much like a boyfriend. I need to start disqualifying myself. Any tips on this would be appreciated.
3) Be more decisive: always an issue with me, but I'm working on it.

 

[Davai]

Overall, I'm proud of myself for pushing, and for achieving something that 6 hours ago I did not even think was in the realm of possibility. I have no doubts that I'm going to continue having ups and downs, but I'm going to keep enjoying the ups.

Awesome job dude, your first bar makeout! And many more to come. Sounds like you were on the verge of pulling too, good shit

 

[Kvothe]

So went out last night. Was not feeling it at all. I went out at 8:30, about 2 hours before I was supposed to meet my wingman. Not a single approach in that entire time, ugh. Anyway, once he showed up, we approached a couple of girls. It was three at a table, and it was just conversation, I basically treated it as a warmup. After that we switched to a different bar, and we (by we I mean Davai) talked to these two older women. I literally could not hold a conversation for the life in me. So then the next approach was on me to instigate, so I walked downstairs and talked to this girl at the bar. I'd say she was in her late 20s. She's dominican, and I finally am able to be a little bit of a social human being. I'm more touchy, and more playful, which I'm realizing is more my style. I tell her that we should move to a table so I can actually sit and talk, and she's about to come, but her friend next to her causes her to say that she'll stay where she is. I know she would have come with me, maybe I should have tried saying that her friends had each other, or some other excuse to isolate her. Next time I'll have to think faster.
After that I went home, Sunday is very unlit. I ran into this black girl at the subway and opened her by asking when the next train was coming. We got to talking. Important notes: I told her I liked her dress relatively early, because not trying to be platonic. Also I gave a high five, and our hands were next to each other for longer than normal, a good sign. We talk on the train, and I grab her number. Sent her a text, but no response.
Update on the turkish girl from last week. I've been texting her on and off, trying to schedule a meet up. She seems very interested, but she only ever texts around 12-1 in the middle of the night. Once she texted me: "So where are you? Are you free tonight?" at 1:08AM. Yesterday, she called me at midnight asking about the same. I've also been trying to get her out, so it's not like she's calling out of the blue. Unfortunately, I work, and I can't stay out that late, since I need to do well at this job in order to live in this city in the future. So I feel like she's using me for validation, but she also asks me out, so I'm not sure. I'm going to put her on the backburner for sure, she's eating up too much of my concentration and drive.

 

[fog]

Update on the turkish girl from last week. I've been texting her on and off, trying to schedule a meet up. She seems very interested, but she only ever texts around 12-1 in the middle of the night. Once she texted me: "So where are you? Are you free tonight?" at 1:08AM. Yesterday, she called me at midnight asking about the same. I've also been trying to get her out, so it's not like she's calling out of the blue.

SCREW THE DATE - get this broad over to your house and fuck her ASAP! That's what she wants.

 

[Kvothe]

@Backstory, got her to come over yesterday, and we fucked. LR on its way.

So that's my virginity gone

Besides that, not really any updates worth writing about.

 

[Davai]

@Backstory, got her to come over yesterday, and we fucked. LR on its way.

So that's my virginity gone

Besides that, not really any updates worth writing about.

Seriously dude? If you're being serious that's awesome!

 

[Kvothe]

@Backstory, got her to come over yesterday, and we fucked. LR on its way.

So that's my virginity gone

Besides that, not really any updates worth writing about.

Seriously dude? If you're being serious that's awesome!

Haha yeah I'm serious, I definitely owe you for that one, since you approached her friend and left me with her, I appreciate it

So this week has been shitty. A couple of approaches here and there, but nothing really good learning wise.

Today I was determined to have a solid volume of interactions. I approached 3 girls during the day, and a lot at night.

The first girl was this Italian girl leaving for Italy on Monday, and she had a boy that she was very interested in back home. I still tried to convince her to come out with me the day before, but she was not down. Next time, I should say that if it hasn't happened already, and you guys aren't together, you shouldn't let it come in the way of discovering new people. Aside from the logistical issue, it was a fairly good interaction, and I she reacted relatively positively. The next girl I complimented, and then asked to stay and talk for 2 minutes, to which she said no thanks. Ah well, to be expected. Third girl was this other Turkish girl I met on the train. She opened me by asking whether the train we were on was going to a location. I assumed attraction, and assumed that she was asking a question she already knew the answer to. Unfortunately, she did not speak english well, so communication was an issue. There was one moment at which it could have gone up or down, and I totally messed it up. We got into a silence, where we were just looking into each other's eyes, and the I could feel the tension building. I looked down and away super awkwardly, and after that the interaction felt awkward af.

At night, I approached a lot, but not too many girls were interested in talking to me. Positive was that it was the first time in a while that I went out alone and actually was capable of heavy approaching. Bad was that I left interactions too early, and wasn't very assertive in my opens to begin with. Two girls stand out. One was this teacher. I saw her and her friend having drinks and shots. I made some comment about the drinks, and she thought it was smart and asked me my name. We talked a little. I was not too physical, but I should have been. The conversation faded, and I saw her a few more times in the night. She remembered me, and I tried to move her, and when I tried, she totally ignored me. I later saw some other guy talking with her, and having a good time. I guess someone else is getting lucky instead of me. The other girl was this one who I assumed gave me an invitation. I was near the bar, and she comes and stands right next to me, not ordering anything. I just talk to her and open with "how's your night". I am able to immediately move her, but our conversation is stale and not fun, and she hangs with me for a few. After I moved her upstairs, I realize it's too crowded, so I tell her we should go back down. She agrees, and leaves in a rush, completely leaving me behind. I definitely moved too slowly on that, and was not physical/dominant enough.

The other issue I had tonight overall was that I wasn't my usual playful/dominant self. That's the person that girls seem to love the most. I feel like that's because a part of me is catching "oneitis" for that Turkish girl who I lost my virginity to. I know that I should meet more girls, but a part of me feels that she's special. Such bull. Only thing to do is to go out a lot this week and get her out of my head by meeting new girls.

Positives: I went out alone tonight, and approached a lot. I'm so annoyed with myself for not having a high volume lately, and that's something that needs to change now. I had success with it tonight, but it's going to be a battle everyday to make it last. I also had solid posture, and I think my voice was good too. I also stayed out later than usual. I'm not really much of a night owl, but I think I'll have to put more effort into staying out later in the future.

Things to improve on: get over the girl. Be more assertive and playful. Make openers more fun, and be less serious. Move faster.

 

[Davai]

The other issue I had tonight overall was that I wasn't my usual playful/dominant self. That's the person that girls seem to love the most. I feel like that's because a part of me is catching "oneitis" for that Turkish girl who I lost my virginity to. I know that I should meet more girls, but a part of me feels that she's special. Such bull. Only thing to do is to go out a lot this week and get her out of my head by meeting new girls.

Nah man it's really not bull. I mean you lost your virginity, she's literally the first girl you ever slept with it's totally cool to have some feelings for her and to think about it. The pickup community is fairly jaded on this and there's always people saying things like,

Chase don't replace

And that's good because it is the right mindset in the long term. But it doesn't mean you have to try to squash all your feelings for her. Relish in it man, you put in the work and you made it happen. Kudos all around.

 

[Kvothe]

The other issue I had tonight overall was that I wasn't my usual playful/dominant self. That's the person that girls seem to love the most. I feel like that's because a part of me is catching "oneitis" for that Turkish girl who I lost my virginity to. I know that I should meet more girls, but a part of me feels that she's special. Such bull. Only thing to do is to go out a lot this week and get her out of my head by meeting new girls.

Nah man it's really not bull. I mean you lost your virginity, she's literally the first girl you ever slept with it's totally cool to have some feelings for her and to think about it. The pickup community is fairly jaded on this and there's always people saying things like,

Chase don't replace

And that's good because it is the right mindset in the long term. But it doesn't mean you have to try to squash all your feelings for her. Relish in it man, you put in the work and you made it happen. Kudos all around.

Thanks man, I appreciate it. My issue isn't with having feelings per say, it's more that I know next to nothing about this girl, and yet I'm still getting them. Like if I got to know her really well and found out we clicked, then I wouldn't mind them, but right now they're more harmful than helpful.

Anyway, I sent her a couple of texts over the weekend, which she saw, and chose not to respond to. So either she no longer likes me, or she was just busy and is super slow to respond. I'll call her on Wednesday and find out which one it is.

Today I did one approach. Turned out the girl wasn't as cute as I thought, so I just gave the compliment and bounced.

Also did something I've never done and was terrified to do-calling a girl who did not respond to my texts. I tried two of them. One of them picked up and we had a nice conversation. She's out of town for the week, and said maybe to next week, so I'll text her then to see if something could happen there. The other one hung up immediately after finding out who it was. So I deleted her number.

Either way it was conquering a fear, so it was a good thing. Going to go out tomorrow night and meet some ladies.

 

[Kvothe]

So yesterday went out at night. Pretty sure I talked to every girl in the bar, so that was good. What was bad was that none of the girls stuck. Also, I've been having a lot of dominance/confidence issues lately, and my playfulness is gone. I think I need to approach more, and start caring a little less. I think I look like I'm too invested, and that's making me appear needy. So tonight I'm going to dial it down a little more, and be more laid back, and playful, and try to find my balance again. Also having a lot of fun is going to be more important. I've been so focused on approaching, that I think I've forgotten how to have fun while talking to girls, so of course they're not going to be into it.

 

[Kvothe]

So a solid night, for a different reason. Approached a lot of girls. I've realized that I don't really continue the conversation unless the girl gives me a solid response off of the opener. I think this has good and bad results. Good because I end up meeting girls who are into me off the bat. Bad because I give up too early on neutral girls who I could greatly improve from trying to get.

Anyway, only two approaches worth talking about.

Belgium girl/German girl:
So in the elevator, I'm talking with the bouncer, just talking about how awesome the jacuzzi looks, and this flemish girl makes a comment, and on how it was a missed opportunity since I didn't bring a swimsuit. I ask her if she brought a swimsuit (ugh such a lame response, should have said something more sexual like I didn't need a swimsuit to enter the jacuzzi). I walk around and see the girls again, they're a little lost, so I help them find where they need to go. We're upstairs, and I move them to a couch. I'm not being as touchy as I should be, plus the girl's are so sarcastic that I'm honestly a little lost. I kind of just stay calm and unfrazzled, and act playful. It was more fun than usual. Unfortunately, the logistics are terrible, the flemish girl's friend is german and she's staying with the flemish girl, so nothing really happens. I missed my opportunity to grab the number and so I lost that.

Older michigan girl:
I complimented this girl on her dress, and she complimented me back on my hair. She looks like she's in her late 20s, but I think she's still got it. I sat down next to her and started talking, super physical and my usual playful self. Just a deep diving, and emotional bonding. Dropped a couple of chase frames into the mix, like when she offered me drinks, I told her she was trying to get me drunk, and then she gave me a different drink she said might have drugs, I said she was trying to take advantage of me. She went with it. We started holding hands, and at one point, she just put my hand between her legs, near the knees. Her friend is there, and is cockblocking the shit out of me, I can't pull her out, bc the friend left all her stuff, and anytime the friend comes back I have to talk with the friend. When michigan girl leaves, she drags me out with her, but the friend still won't leave. We walk to a diner, and I'm sure I could have pulled if the friend wasn't there, but I heard enough to realize the friend was saying she wasn't going to leave michigan girl alone while I was there. Michigan girl had grabbed my number earlier, so I had that, and I told them I was heading out, and sent a text wishing michigan girl a good night. She sent me back:

Her: Sorry boo
Her: <3 <3 <3

So aside from the weirdness of the hearts, I'm expecting this to go well. Plus she's older, and she knows I'm young, so I think she expects it to be casual. Probably will meet her next week, so I'll save the FR for then. Only issue is if she starts thinking I'm too young. She didn't seem interested in knowing, like she waved off any mention of my age, so I think she just wants it out of her head.

On the bright side, this got Turkish girl out of my head. I may have gotten a blessing in disguise with Turkish girl cutting contact, now I'm forced to keep going out to find girls, instead of getting comfortable with one.

 

[Kvothe]

So yesterday I did one day game approach. It went pretty well. Towards the end though, I should have gone for the insta-date, as the girl was from out of town and leaving on sunday. I didn't think of it until a little while later.

Went out at night and approached a lot. It was solid. I had a few girls who talked for a while with. Nothing really stuck though, mostly logistical issues. The other issue I'm running into is that I'm having a low percentage of girls being open to my initial open, so I think I need to work on my opener and sticking with a girl for a little while. I did try to lead a lot though. I was also more playful on openers, and I think that improved the reactions somewhat, though the results are still up for debate.

Also Turkish girl finally returned my calls, so hopefully I'll be seeing her tonight.

 

[Kvothe]

So today I talked to one girl and got the number. First good day game approach in a while. Also just trying to set up a bunch of dates for the week.

So I saw the girl walking, and I thought she had a half smile as she looked at me, then looked down, so I went and approached her. Told her she looked cute. Talked for a bit, and walked with her in her direction. Touched her on the upper arm a few times, and made a little fun of her for going to a panera bread for lunch when in the city. Told her she seemed cool, and that I wanted to grab lunch with her, she said that sounded like fun, and I got the number. Tried for a same day date, but that didn't pan out.

One interesting thing was that she put in a phone number, deleted it, then put in another phone number, so I'm not sure what that meant, maybe she changed her mind and gave me a fake, maybe she was going to give me a fake, then gave me a real, I guess we'll see either way.

 

[Kvothe]

Today was another shitty day. These days life is either super up or super down, and the only person I can blame at the moment is myself.

Two approaches in the morning, went out in the evening, and couldn't muster up the courage to talk to anyone. I'm fairly certain that at least three girls gave me invitations, and I still did nothing. On top of that I have less than one month left here and I've only gone on dates with three girls. Albeit three girls in two months is far better than the three girls in three years that I had averaged before, but still.

Did my first voicemail today on the girl from yesterday. Embarrassing, really. I tried to emulate a sexy voice, and it just came out super awkward. I'm calling that one a lost cause. I tried calling because she didn't respond to my icebreaker text, so I thought the phone call might help.

Will try to get the older girl out with me on Wednesday or Thursday. Going to invite her over with the idea of wine, not sure if it's a good idea, since I'll call her straight to my place, but I think it makes the most sense, and I don't think that it's a bad idea to try.

 

[fog]

Did my first voicemail today on the girl from yesterday. Embarrassing, really. I tried to emulate a sexy voice, and it just came out super awkward.

Were you having problem with tonality? If you lay down on your back while you're on the phone, it becomes almost too easy to pull off a sexy, deep voice. Dunno if you were on your back during the phone call...but if you weren't, then it's definitely worthwhile trying out for next time.

 

[Kvothe]

So three approaches today. My problem continues to be that I eject myself right after opening. I get so caught up in my head that I just end up saying bye.

The mornings are always better. Only did one approach, but got the number. Her phone is broken though, so I doubt anything will come out of it. No reply from University of Tennessee girl, and older girl bailed on me. Turkish girl was supposed to meet with me, but never texted me. So altogether, I'm not feeling the best.

I'm reminded of this line about cold approaching:

YOU WILL SWEAT FOR COLD APPROACH ... and you will bleed...
Your ego will take a royal beating.
You'll fail to see progress for a while, and wonder if you're spinning your wheels. You'll wonder if you CAN improve yourself with women - is it even possible?
How do you know you're not a lost cause?
You will have days and nights where you feel like a complete social reject, doing something that few other people are doing, looking like an idiot in the process, and no doubt attracting the scorn of women who gossip after you've gone away about how ridiculous it was that you thought walking up the way you did and saying the things you said would ever get you a date or a phone number.

So just going to keep the nose to the grindstone, and continue pushing my comfort zones until I succeed.

 

[Davai]

So three approaches today. My problem continues to be that I eject myself right after opening. I get so caught up in my head that I just end up saying bye.

The mornings are always better. Only did one approach, but got the number. Her phone is broken though, so I doubt anything will come out of it. No reply from University of Tennessee girl, and older girl bailed on me. Turkish girl was supposed to meet with me, but never texted me. So altogether, I'm not feeling the best.

I'm reminded of this line about cold approaching:

YOU WILL SWEAT FOR COLD APPROACH ... and you will bleed...
Your ego will take a royal beating.
You'll fail to see progress for a while, and wonder if you're spinning your wheels. You'll wonder if you CAN improve yourself with women - is it even possible?
How do you know you're not a lost cause?
You will have days and nights where you feel like a complete social reject, doing something that few other people are doing, looking like an idiot in the process, and no doubt attracting the scorn of women who gossip after you've gone away about how ridiculous it was that you thought walking up the way you did and saying the things you said would ever get you a date or a phone number.

So just going to keep the nose to the grindstone, and continue pushing my comfort zones until I succeed.

Yeah man, cold approach is a stony bitch.. Thankfully it's also awesome and at some point you make enough progress that you basically realize that you can learn game, you will get good and it's going to happen. That's a nice day once that happens.

 

[Kvothe]

Had my first insta-date with this bleached blonde german girl today. FR coming up. We had planned to meet at my place for wine after she finished up some stuff, but she never hit me up, even though she seemed excited. Bummer, especially since she's flying out tomorrow.

 

[Kvothe]

Had another date today, probably will meet the girl again on Sunday so will save the FR until then.

So I met this girl last week, she was wearing a red dress and I just complimented her on it. It was on our way to work, so I just grabbed her phone number. Her phone was broken, so I wasn't expecting her to text me back, but she ended up doing so a few days later. Normal boring phone conversation. My texting game works well on girls who are interested, I honestly have very boring texts, I just do logistics on there, nothing else really. I think I've gone on dates with most girls who respond to my first texts.

So we meet up at the park near Times Square at 7. I tell her she looks cute. I tell her to sit next to me near the fountain and just talk for a little bit. We talk for about 15 minutes, just normal conversation that I'm sprinkling with deep diving. She asks if I'm still in college, and I just shrug and say yeah, not making a big deal, and she doesn't seem to mind either (she's one year out of college). I'm trying to get her comfortable with my touch so I compliment her rings and touch her hands and upper arms. I suggest we go to my normal coffee place to grab something to drink. I pay for the drinks, and tell her she can cover dessert if we get some. We sit down, and she sits across from me. I tell her to sit next to me, and she says that she's okay on the other side. I should have told her that if feels too much like an interview then, but I didn't. We get told to leave by the staff since the tables are only for people ordering food.

We go back out to the park, it's about 7:30. We sit next to each other. I up the touching by brushing her legs often, and use them as a stand for my hands when I show stuff on my phone. Eventually she gets comfortable with my touch. She didn't really reciprocate the touching though. I did some more deep diving on her career, some family, her school. Definitely could have done better on the deep diving by digging deeper on certain topics. I ask her about her favorite types of alcohol and her drinking habits (was trying to seed a pull with drinking some wine). At about 8, she tells me that she has to go back home to walk her friends dog since she's keeping an eye on it. I tell her to text her friend to see if the friend can handle it and she does. So I suggest we grab dessert until she finds out about the friend. She ends up paying and we sit near the fountain. Some more talking about living in the city. At about 9 (30 min longer than she said she could stay), she says she needs to go since the friend never texted her back and shows me the phone conversation as proof. I try telling her to call the friend, but she doesn't, but she says that she would like to see me again. So I planned to meet her again on Sunday, we'll see if she is down. She knows that I'm not going to be here in a few weeks, so her logical side might kick in.

I think I did well conversationally, I could have dived deeper better and set more chase frames. I need to be more edgy and sexy. At the moment I think I'm too much of a boyfriend candidate, so that's something I need to work on. My voice has gotten much better, so that's good. I'm also more relaxed on dates and more comfortable being physical.

I need to move faster for sure. I went a bit slower today because I felt that she wasn't as comfortable with me, so I tried dialing it back a little until she got comfortable. We'll see what happens.

Also glad I learned from the german girl and at least tried to get this girl to move her plans for me, even if it didn't work out in my favor.