Passion Lab

[fog]

Re: backstory's frontstory

I arrived at the orchestra last night. It was a field trip for school. I was dressed OK, but felt like I could have been dressed better. Everyone in my program seemed to have been underdressed. Everyone else was dressed up and wearing suits.

I was not looking my best. I looked very tired and had just broken out. Anyways, that didn't stop me. While waiting for the orchestra to start, everyone was waiting in the lobby. I was wondering if this was the appropriate place to approach women and talk to them. One of my classmates mentioned that it most definitely was.

While standing around I noticed two women roughly my age standing close to me. They were not with any guys. Everyone else at the place seemed to be on the older side. I'd have to say in their 50s and 60s. Unfortunately I got all caught up in thinking what I should say to these two girls, or which one I should focus my attention on. They left to go into the orchestra pit. My chances were lost.

There were these three elderly ladies who walked by me and I stopped them to say hello. They seemed rather taken aback that I was talking to them. I asked them where they were from. I mentioned that I was from out of town. Turns out that they were relatives of my professor. One of the elderly ladies was touching me. They left after a short conversation.

During the intermission, I was standing in the lobby near the bar. There were two ladies in their 70s also standing near the bar. One of them walked up to the bar to get a drink and her friend was left alone. I approached her friend and started talking to her. It was a friendly conversation. She was treating me like her grandchild. It was a little bit awkward, I didn't really know what to say. We talked a little bit about music and she mentioned one of her interests was quilting. I ejected from the conversation early.

Later on the relatives of my professor passed by again and the one lady talked to me briefly and touched me again.

This was good experience, it is okay to talk to whoever you want, wherever you want. Just because you are talking to someone doesn't mean you want to seduce them - unless you convey it that way through eye contact, body language and other things. And even though I was feeling and looking shitty, I still approached.

 

[fog]

Re: backstory's frontstory

This is a continuation of my post from Saturday.

As mentioned, I attended two parties. The first party I attended was one in a small house with a small amount of people. There was a loudspeaker in the living room where everyone was hanging out. I did not like the environment. The music was way too loud, I felt like verbal game would not work here. I saw some girls checking me out, but I decided to leave and go to another party.

The second one was much bigger and more rowdy. It was quite packed and there were a ton of guys there. I stood near a hallway where people were coming into the main room. I saw a girl who looked like a girl I had talked to on Facebook before. I asked her about her name, she was not the girl. She didn't stay, she ran off.

I went outside onto the deck where it was less crowded. I had more success talking to women on the deck. Um, let's see. There were 3 girls talking to this one guy right beside me. I asked one of the girls for her name, we started talking. We were talking about our favourite alcoholic drinks. My problem was that I didn't know what to say and it was just not a gripping conversation. Anyways I started deep diving her, she wasn't really interested...she got on her phone and started texting. I met the other two girls as well. After a short conversation they went inside. It was rather cold outside.

As mentioned my weak points of this night were touch escalation, strong eye contact, and lack of banter. If I don't flirt and make a girl laugh when I first meet her, she isn't gonna be interested. Plus if I'm not touching a girl or maintaining eye contact, shes gonna find me boring real quick. They will view me as a friend. So it's no wonder I didn't have solid conversations with girls that night.

After the girls left I saw this a guy and a girl chatting at the end of the porch. I went up to the girl and asked her what she was drinking. The air was thick with awkwardness. She was probably thinking "why did this guy keep interrupting our conversation." Haha, she claimed she was drinking water (she was drinking out of a water bottle). I joked around saying it was probably vodka. Then the guy chimed in saying it was most definitely vodka. I said to the girl "looks like you got yourself in a little bit of trouble." Then me and the guy started talking about explosions. The girl listened for a bit, but then got on her phone. I knew she was getting bored. Then after a lull in conversation, the guy left. The girl was still hanging around though. I talked to her and started deep diving her. She was asking me questions about me. A sign of interest. Unfortunately she said her friends were leaving and that she had to go with them. I told her to stay 5 more minutes, she left anyways. I'm sure if she had hung around things would have gone well. I cockblocked the guy she was talking to very hard.

The rest of the night was not very eventful. There was one girl named Rachel who was looking for a smoke. I told her I was looking for one too and told her to move out of the busy crowd over to somewhere more quiet (5 feet away). A simple compliance test. She was more interested in finding a cigarette than talking. I asked her to come around the party to look for a smoke with me. She said she couldn't leave her friend. I said "we'll be right over here, we'll be two minutes." she didnt wanna come.

I had a conversation with my ex's friend. Was thinking about asking her to come home with me...but I don't know, I think shes got STDs

Soooo the last girl I talked to that night was one who was standing on the side of the road. It was a group conversation so I didn't get the chance to talk to her too much. I should have isolated her. Everyone else left except me, her and my friend. She had to go. She started walking away but I told her to stay for 5 more minutes. This was my mistake. She was a little interested for sure, but I didn't really have a plan for what to say to her when she came back. I started deep diving her more. Why would I deep dive her more in the freezing cold weather. I should have gotten her number or at least asked her to come home with me. That was a mistake.

I must be better prepared and be willing to take conversations to the next level if they need be.

 

[fog]

Re: backstory's frontstory

Hey guys! I've been really busy with school so I haven't been hanging out with or talking to too much girls. I've been working on my fundamentals though, especially my walk. I'm pretty focussed and don't even hang out with my own friends that much....but as a result, I am seeing improvements in my music. I make music that is bass heavy, so that's an important technique to master in my genre. And I'm almost there! My tracks are starting to bang.

I started on a new antidepressant called Wellbutrin after not being on meds for years. I hate meds cuz they make my sex drive go away in general. So far so good with this medication, it doesn't seem like it's getting in the way of me getting hard. Maybe when my mood improves, I will see different results with girls.

Here's what has been happening lately:

I hung out with compressor recently. She came over to my place and we talked. I was scared to kiss her, I just couldn't bring myself to do it at first. Well I did it anyways and she didn't resist to that.We were kissing for a bit, she was pinning my hand against her stomach. I found that kind of weird, almost like it was a form of resistance...maybe she didn't want my hands moving around. I did end up running my hand all over her body yeah. The weird part was that this whole thing was incredibly non sexual. It was like I was making out with a machine. There was no passion coming from her, it was strange.

I suggested we move over to the bed. I get on my bed and as shes crawling onto my bed she says "I'm on my period, I don't know if that changes things." I told her no, it doesn't change things. We are making out some more and then I took off her shirt, and my shirt, and I got on top of her and was sucking on her tits. Except there was one thing wrong. She looked really nervous and scared, it seemed like she didn't really know what to do or how to act. There was this weird look on her face, I don't know how to explain it. But it seemed like she wasn't having fun.....I've never had that happen before. I'm guessing she might be inexperienced or something like that.

After I realized nothing else was really gonna happen, I got off of her and we were talking. You know how girls talk to each other? Well they talk to each other in an interesting way, sometimes they use a certain tone of voice. Well this girl started talking to me with that tone of voice. Then she left and caught the bus.

Yeah that was interesting, was she really on her period or was that just a form of resistance? Who knows.

Another time I was talking to this girl on Facebook who had just broke up with her boyfriend. We made plans to hang out, but in our conversations she was very adamant that she does not hook up. She told me she's only had sex with one guy before (her ex). I was reconsidering whether it would be worth it to hang out with her and try to make some moves. Well the day before we were supposed to hang out, she says "hey, can i bring a friend?" i said no and then we never ended up hanging out, i told her i was busy or some shit.....NO YOU CANNOT BRING A FRIEND, THAT IS STUPID.

Ummm and then there's this other girl who I met a month ago, we made plans to hang out but they never followed through. Then after not talking for 2 weeks she started talking to me again, always initiating the conversation, now shes initiating plans to hang out, and we're gonna hang out today at my place. Seems like she's the type of girl who is taking charge, thats gonna be fun. I wonder if she'll kiss me first haha.

 

[fog]

Re: backstory's frontstory

I hung out with the girl, we'll call her Trishy. When Trishy came to my house we went to my room and were sitting on my couch. She was most definitely a little bit nervous. Her body language was pretty closed off and she was barely making any eye contact! Her body language on the couch was like this: she had her arms crossed and her legs crossed.

We started off by talking about our previous experiences with working with kids, she had had bad experiences working with kids so I changed the topic as soon as possible.

She was taking a strong interest in me I'd say. She asked to hear some of my music, and I showed her some. She thought it was really good! Then she was talking about her favourite comedians, so we went over to my computer and watched some of our favourite comedies on youtube. Where is this going..? We were both sitting on separate chairs, it made it difficult to escalate with touch.

Well as we were watching mitch hedburg do his cool one liners, all of a sudden i felt a burst of attraction for her. Not just any burst of attraction, i actually felt like i had feelings for her a little. this was quite startling. This attraction came after she was taking interest in me, asking what my dreams were and stuff. She also asked if there was a body part I didnt like about myself. I told her that I love my body. I'm glad I said that. It's important to remain confident. She said she didnt like her lips. We also talked about how she had worked in an old age home before and she was talking about how one of her favourite old people had died, and while she was telling me this her body language was getting more and more closed off, basically hugging herself.

One of the things she told me was that one time she was riding on the bus and she said some old guy was pinching her elbow, she pinched my elbow to show me. That was a good sign she was starting to get comfortable with me. Oh yeah, and...we were talking about 24 hour laundromats and I said I had gone into laundromats in the middle of the night to do inappropriate stuff. i didn't specify.

I had literally not eaten all day so we went upstairs to make some food. She was repeatedly shit testing me during the whole time we were hanging out. I handled the shit tests well, sometimes exaggerating it or just ignoring it. Like we were talking about our senses of humour, she said mine was pretty bad, or ...when we first got to the kitchen she said I was BORING HER....i told her "yeah I'm the most boring person in the world"

We ate at my kitchen table and she met some of my roommates. My roommate was sitting at the table with us. He was being good and showering me with compliments and stuff, telling me i am going to get big in music. I kinda didn't like it, I felt like it would put my attainability at risk. By this time she was holding eye contact with me and giving me smiles, She was being very warm, I could feel sexual tension being built. By this time I did not want to talk about myself too much more. I didn't wanna say anything wrong that would turn her off.

I should have kissed her when I had the chance, but I didn't.....throughout the whole time i was thinking...what are some ways i can get physical escalation going. Because that was kinda lacking when I was hanging out with her. I got her to compare hand sizes with me. I was also thinking "WOW i like this girl. maybe I shouldn't kiss her." Fuck, then my roommate was telling us a very long story and I was worried she was gonna get bored. I was worried that if she got bored she wouldn't even consider hanging out with me again. Well then I was thinking ..what if my roommate had sex with her? I would most definitely feel jealous. How can I like a girl like this so quick?

Also, she was telling my roommate that I am impossible to get ahold of and that I'm always busy. This is good. I wanna be hard to get ahold of. During this whole time I guess I was giving off the vibe that I am a busy guy, and she knows how passionate I am about music, she knows I'm committed to it. But I tried disqualifying myself as a boyfriend too, I asked her whether she makes long term or short term decisions. after we talked about that she asked me the same question, I said Im always moving around and don't like to make long term decisions

I asked her if she'd drive me to school and she did, we said our goodbyes.

What did I do good? I built sexual tension and was acting warm, I handled shit tests well, I was very conscious about not revealing too much about myself. Also was good at creating a sexual vibe and a sexual frame. I disqualified myself as a boyfriend candidate.

What did I do wrong? I didn't move quick, didn't hold the strongest eye contact, I lacked in physical touch.

I am going to have to revisit Chases article on attainability to see where my attainability lies with her, I'm sure she finds me attractive but my attainability perhaps feels too low to her. I'm not gonna chase her. Since I noticed she is always initiating conversations with me, I will let her talk to me whenever.... if she's really interested shes gonna wanna hang out again. But I don't know if I should see her again, I already like her.

 

[fog]

Re: backstory's frontstory

One thing I have never done is ask a girl to come home with me. Sounds kinda silly doesn't it? Well tonight I decided to go to a few parties. By the time I arrived there, It was around midnight. First party I was at, I didn't like it. It was a really high energy party, and I was in more of a calm mood. I realize that in order to grab and hold a girls attention at a party like this, I need to be very high energy myself, which I didn't feel like doing. The girls I tried talking to at this party were not interested in me at all, couldn't hold their attention for more than 2 seconds before they stopped paying attention.

Same sort of environment at the other parties I went to as well. I didn't have any good conversations but I did do one thing right. I asked two girls to come home with me. I went up to them and the first thing i said was "Do you like pizza?" They both said "yes." I said, "do you want to come back to my place and eat some pizza?" Haha, i don't know if that seems sort of deceiving at all..the one girl said "No sorry I have to take care of my drunk friend." The other said "I'm not hungry."

I suppose I could start asking every girl to come home with me....whether I talk to them or not. That way, asking girls to come home with me will be second nature. I believe Chase mentioned that before.

Other notes: If you approach a girl and start inquiring about her emotions, it's not likely to go well. This just clicked in my head tonight so I'm gonna have to think about it some more, do some more field testing and post about it later. They are probably thinking "wow why did this guy come up to me and ask if i was mad, when i'm clearly not mad at all? what a creep"

 

[Zoro]

Re: backstory's frontstory

Hey Backstory,

I like your journal name so I decided to check it out.

I skimmed through a little and read your latest post.

Its good to make a habit of asking girls to come home with you, so kudos.

The thing is you need to communicate your value to these girls. They don't want pizza, or at least not from a random guy. They can get pizza themselves.

They want fun, emotional connection, and/or some hot dick.

You could do the pizza offer if you were dripping sex appeal and could communicate you're a good lay (experienced/nonjudgmental/discreet) all in those few sentences. That's some advanced level shit. Anything's possible but...

Build your basics up.

How are your fundamentals?

How are your conversational skills?

What about your social calibration?

I think Radeng could really help you out. Check out some of his FR/LR's and posts.

-JW

 

[fog]

Re: backstory's frontstory

Thanks for the reply J Wick.

Yeah I am aware that girls can most definitely get pizza if they want to. And it's probably the most cheesiest line to use...but girls aren't dumb, they know the real reason youre asking them to go home with you whether you ask them if they want to go back to your place to eat pizza or play a board game or ANYTHING like that.

Value is definitely still something I'm working on. I am consistently working on my fundamentals. I dress well, hold eye contact, I am practising my facial expressions and walk. My hair is good too. Conversation skills are doing well, I deep dive easily and get chicks talking about themselves. Social calibration isn't something I haven't dived too deep into yet. Tons of room for improvement and I know what I need to do to improve.

I'll check out Radeng's posts for sure.

 

[fog]

Re: backstory's frontstory

I got an interesting story today. Last night I was at a bar right across from campus. I was drinking. I realize I should most definitely be staying sober with women if I want to improve with them. I feel like getting drunk communicates to you guys that I am not very serious about picking up women. I would have to say I'm not that serious about it right now, considering music is my primary focus. You might laugh at me for not being serious about pick up...the way I look at it, how could someone in music not be serious about pursuing success in the music business?

Anyways.

Soooo I'm standing in front of the bar smoking, and these two girls come out. One of them bumps into me as she walks past. I say to her "Hey! I didn't come here to get harassed!" in a playful tone. She comes up to me and starts talking to me and apologizing. She immediately starts touching me as well. We're standing around outside talking for a bit and she starts hitting on me calling me cute and stuff like that. Then she asks me to go inside with her. I should have asked her that, but that's okay.

We go inside and sit down and talk some more. She tells me a story about how she went to Sweden, and then she starts talking about how shes a really conservative, shy girl. She's really touchy, hand on my leg, and shes leaning in real close to me to talk. Her face was roughly 2 millimetres away from mine. She says she wants a drink and gives me some money. I went to the bar, bought a drink with her money, bought a drink with my money, then came back and sat down. We continue talking and everything's going fine. I ask her to come home with me. Her reply? I didn't really hear it but from her body language I could tell it was something like a no. After this she pretty well stopped touching me and wasn't leaning in as close, it was interesting. After we both took bathroom breaks she was talking about how she wanted to find her friend.

She went off to find her friend and I went back to hang out with my friends. 15 minutes later she appears and starts talking to me, starting to hit on me again. At this point I was leaning in, teasing her a little bit trying to kiss her. She kinda gave me some cheek kiss and I said "that wasn't really a kiss." She gave me a kiss on the lips this time. I was very drunk by this point. Then she disappears again, and comes back 5 minutes later asking me if I'm coming back to her place. I said yes.

So we are walking back to her place and she says "you can come back to my place but we aren't having sex." I said "Ok I can't guarantee it though!" We are walking and she asks me to hold her purse and help take off her shoes for her in the middle of the sidewalk. I said "No." I viewed this as shit tests. Then she was saying how she usually doesn't go home with guys who are as short as me and that she's only had sex with 3 people. I didn't really say anything. What do I say to this? She was shorter than me. Just a little bit taller with heels on though. I was already facing resistance it seemed like, and the fact I was drunk didn't help.

We get back to her place and I lie in her bed while she goes to the bathroom and shit. Then she comes up to me and she says "Why are you in my bed if I said we aren't having sex?" My mind was blown, I had no clue what to say. Absolutely stumped. I just said "I never said we were having sex." She gets into bed with me, we were making out. What happened later was actually pretty hot. I was eating her out and she was moaning quite a bit. Then she rolled over onto her front and went into the doggystyle position and I continued eating her out, I also licked her ass a bit. Never done that before....and then I called her a dirty little slut while eating her out and she kinda gave me a slap on my head, lol it was funny...

She was worried about what her roommates would think about us being a little bit loud. I told her they would probably be jealous that we were having fun and they weren't. She was also talking about how my rudeness was turning her on. Like for example when I told her she asked me to take off her shoes and I said no.

She was adamant about not having sex with me, she wouldn't let me finger her, she didn't give me a handjob or head. I said "give me head" but I said it more as a question....she gave me head for like 5 seconds then stopped.

Then she was saying how she had to get to work for 7am, it was already 5:30am by this point. She wanted to sleep and wanted me to cuddle her. Well I did not want to stay in her bed, I wanted to go home. I can't sleep with someone else in the bed. I asked her to call me a cab. My phone is currently broken so I couldn't do it myself. Well she started getting REALLY pissed saying I woke her up and shit. What...she was already awake! She was very hostile. She finally calls me a cab then urges me to get out of her house. She starts calling me a bad person, saying she doesn't think I'm attractive and stuff. She said she didn't like my rudeness (even though she had just said it turned her on, not even 15 minutes ago). Then she was calling me out on being dominant, saying I was faking it or something....

Why did this happen? Since she is a sexually inexperienced lady, I could say that perhaps she felt guilty about bringing me home with her. Maybe it happened a little bit too quick for her. I don't know why she got angry all of a sudden, maybe she really wanted me to cuddle her the whole night or something.

What did I do bad? I got drunk and did not communicate to her that I was a sexual, non judgemental guy. As a result I faced resistance. I did not save kissing till we got home, we were making out on the walk to her place.

What did I do good? I asked her to go home with me. I escalated with touch, handled shit tests alright, maintained strong eye contact.

I'm pretty tired so I'll have to think about this more and write more later. It's not the greatest report considering I was drunk and can't remember the succession in which things happened.

 

[fog]

Re: backstory's frontstory

I am constantly striving to write better reports. I feel like they are mostly pretty unorganized.

Anyways, the antidepressants are starting to kick in and I am feeling greaaat!!!! I have never felt this way before. They are making me feel how I am supposed to feel. Still having some very depressing thoughts though. For example, I feel like everyone on this board hates me. There's no way that could possibly be true, but that's just the way my mind thinks. Pretty harmful isn't it? I should maybe get better at analyzing how my pessimistic mind destroys my results with women.

I started seeing this psychologist, and I am ridiculously attracted to her. She's older. I don't think it would be appropriate to try to talk to her outside of her sessions. We're gonna work on my thought process.

I noticed someone talking on the boards how they had lost all interest in women. I also noticed one guy a while ago implying he bases his whole identity around sleeping with chicks. If he doesn't sleep with girls, it makes him feel like less of a man.

Personally, my interest in music waxes and wanes. There will be times where i just cannot bring myself to make a song. Other times, I will be bursting at the seams with ideas. Last year around this time there was a period where I didn't make a song for a few months. This is totally normal, no matter WHAT YOU ARE PURSUING, including women. But the key is to continue doing whatever it is, even if you don't wanna do it. Lets face it, no one wants to make music all the time or pick up chicks ALL THE TIME (well maybe). you need a break!!!

The people who are great at certain things will continue to pursue whatever they wanna pursue in times where they are feeling uninspired. Push yourself.

I base my whole identity around music. If I am currently making a shitty song, I feel like it makes me a shitty person. When I'm making a great song, I feel great. But it is important to separate yourself from whatever you are pursuing. Is your identity totally based around how much you are succeeding in your passion? What makes a person a good person? My mom has said before it's the way you treat others.

 

[fog]

Re: backstory's frontstory

I have been reminiscing about my past experiences with women. There are some women in my past who I could have easily had sex with or dated, but my fundamentals were absolute shit. As a result, I never got anywhere with them. These stories are pretty embarrassing, but I'm going to share them anyways.

Before I get started, I want to mention that sometimes I don't give myself enough credit. I always feel like I haven't improved at all. Well looking back just from the summer, I have improved leaps and bounds with women! If I had the opportunity to redo things with the women I messed up with in the past, I could have easily succeeded with them. Makes me kind of happy.

I was 18 and I had met a girl on Facebook. We really hit it off. We were texting lots. I asked her if she wanted to hang out and she was asking me if it was a date. We went to a restaurant to eat and it was pretty good. We could barely eat our food because we were talking so much. Afterwards we went back to my place. She was the one who was interested in hanging out more after dinner. Sooo we get back to my place and she was sitting on my bed and I was sitting on a chair playing music. That's what happened the whole time. We were talking about music. Her interest could not have been anymore clear. Unfortunately I was too dumb to pay attention to her signals. She was sitting on my bed, that's a huge signal! When she left, she grabbed me and kissed me goodbye.

She lives 45 minutes out of town, so the second time we hung out, I went to her friend's place. I got my friend to drive me. I remember what I was wearing. I was wearing sweatpants and a sweater. This is so embarrassing to me when I think back on it. We drank at her friend's place but I was mostly treating her like a friend. I'm pretty sure I was really shy. When we went to bed, we made out but she didn't seem too interested in doing anything else, she practically fell asleep on me. The next day I got to meet her parents and we were in her bedroom. I told her a story before my friend picked me up. Looking back on that particular situation, I felt like I was giving off some serious kiddie vibes by telling her this story.

We continued to text after that, but she eventually started losing interest and she said she had started talking to her ex again and gained feelings back for him. She said we couldn't talk anymore. I had no clue why she didn't want to be with me.

I know why now. It's super clear to me. I was not dominant at all, and all my fundamentals sucked. I was not sexually exciting! The only thing I had going for me was that we connected on a conversational level. Imagine this same situation happened to me now?

 

[fog]

Re: backstory's frontstory

My second story about a past experience with a girl further goes to help myself see how I am no longer a helpless fetus when it comes to women.

I had known this girl (gonna call her Lighter) for ages and she was well known to be a girl who likes to have sex. She had sex with everyone! Her and I never had sex, even though I had multiple opportunities. We made out once when I was blackout wasted, but that's about it.

One time at a cottage party, she was drunk and asking me if I was still a virgin. I forget what I said, but I messed that one up considering nothing happened between us that night.

Another time, I had just moved into an apartment and she lived super close to me. I didn't even have to ask her to come over, a lot of the times she would just bang on my door and come in to chill. One time she was even lying in my bed with me. Nothing ever happened.

One time I was even begging her to have sex with me. I'm not sure whether it was before these events, or after these events. Either way it was most definitely a turn off for her.

That's the backstory. Plenty of opportunities, but I didn't capitalize on them because I was shy or didnt realize what happened. I saw her again this past summer but messed up again.

I used to wear bathing suits and pajamas all the time. She had moved out of town but was back in town for a few weeks. She had a boyfriend but he was in Toronto.

She came to my place and then we went for a walk. One of the things she told me when she first saw me was that I dress a lot nicer than I used to. Our walk was rather uneventful. We just talked and talked and talked.

The second time we hung out over the summer, we went to watch some fireworks down at the waterfront. It was a little chilly and and I wore a leather jacket to stay warm. She told me she liked my jacket. I had also just cut my nails except there was one nail I had cut incorrectly and it was really bothering me. I was picking at it in front of her which was a mistake. She was probably thinking "why is this guy dressing nice but he's being unhygienic picking his nails like that?" It probably didn't make sense to her and made her feel like me dressing nice was fake. Then I was talking about something gross that grossed her out. Nice. That was a mess up. Later on while we were walking, her and I were talking about sex.

So then we met up with her sister (Dee) at the fireworks and her sister was talking to her about guys she was matching with on Tinder. They were kinda giving off undertones that Lighter was fucking guys even though she had a long distance boyfriend. We ended up walking around and Dee whispered something to LighterI have a feeling her sister said "are you going to fuck backstory?" Lighter replied "ew no!!!!" She said goodbye to me and then moved back to Toronto and I haven't seen her since.

That's an embarrassing story for sure. I feel like there was most definitely a chance to fuck her this past summer if I had played my cards right. But I didn't. I have never played my cards right with this girl. It's just one constant mess up. If I ever see her again, I am going to put all my knowledge and experience to good use and fuck her. That would be a nice ending to a story like this.

 

[fog]

Re: backstory's frontstory

I am excited. The past few days I have been practising my walk after following the instructions in Chase's article on how to have a sexy walk. I have started noticing some interesting results. First off, I get a huge confidence boost when I start walking. There is just something about this walk that makes me feel like I'm the CEO of a company or some shit. The second thing I've noticed is that more women are looking at me while I am walking. If I had to estimate, I would say twice the amount of women as before.

I haven't been approaching but some interesting things happened on my way home from school which I will mention in a second. Anyways, whenever I am holding strong eye contact with a girl (and she isn't breaking it), I totally lose my train of thought. It startles me for some reason. I'll be talking to a girl and shes willing to look at me for as long as I look at her and then suddenly in the middle of my sentence I will have no clue what to say. This is probably due to nervousness or something, but I really gotta work on fixing it.

Okay I was at school in the food court near the studios. I was walking past pizza pizza. I go to pizza pizza pretty often and the lady employees there are friendly with me. They are older though, I'd say in their 40s. One of them was closing down pizza pizza and she started talking to me asking where I was going. I told her I was going to subway and she started talking to me about how your metabolism slows down after 30 and you start getting fat like she does. She started gesturing towards her belly. Haha. She's got a really thick accent so she's kind of hard to understand. I could get her number or something. Anyways, I wasn't really interested in talking to her about food because I was very hungry and there was NO ONE in the line at subway. So while this cashier was talking to me I was constantly looking over at the subway line hoping no one would get in line before me. I understand that when people look away during a conversation, it means they aren't really interested in the conversation so I felt kind of rude doing it.

We finish talking and I head into the line in Subway. There's two people in front of me and right after I get in line, 6 more people show up behind me. I got there right on time. I got my sub and the cashier who was cashing me out says to me "Are you in the radio broadcasting program?" I said "No, what makes you ask that?" She says "You have a radio voice." That was interesting to me because no one has ever told me I have a voice that would sound good on the radio before. I continue talking to her and hold strong eye contact with her. We're looking at each other and I say "I'm in....uhhhhhhhhh" and trail off saying uhh for like 3 seconds because she's been holding eye contact with me so long. I look away and say "Music Industry Arts." It's definitely not attractive or smooth when that happens. Then we have a small chat about what she's doing with her life and I took off to go home.

As I'm leaving Subway I see my roommate. He is walking down the hallway in the same direction I'm going. We are walking together and coming towards us are these three girls. I expect them to move but they didn't so we got in a little traffic jam in the middle of the hallway. I held eye contact with this one chick who was mostly in my way. After they pass they all started giggling.

Then, further down the hallway, this girl who is walking the opposite way down the hallway as me exclaims "Nice shirt!" I was wearing a tan leather jacket and a shirt with a lions face on it. That was weird that that random girl complimented me on my shirt. That usually doesn't happen.

Anyways.....those 3 things happened to me very quickly and I found it strange.

Also, I've known this one girl for a year now but she always had a boyfriend. Now she just broke up with her boyfriend and she is eager to make plans with me to hang out. We've been so busy that we haven't found time yet. But she has been messaging me on Facebook today saying she wants to party this weekend and she is hitting on me lots being all flirty. All good signs. She hasn't seen me since last school year. I've improved a shit ton, so this one is probably gonna be in the bag unless I do something wrong.

Some other things....I've been working on improving my facial expressions. I've really been tweaking the "cute and sexy look." I feel like most of the time I raise my eyebrows just a little bit too much and I end up looking like a weirdo. I realized you just gotta raise them a teeny tiny little bit. Chase said to adopt this as my main facial expression. Would it ever be possible for me to have this as my main facial expression without even trying? Like I could wake up in the morning and this look would already be on my face?

School is busy as fuck and I am exhausted.

 

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Some quick notes. Lately when talking to girls I find myself touching them for longer periods of time. For example, if they are comfortable with quick touches on their arms/shoulders then I will go ahead and put my hand on their shoulder.

Also, I'm going to work on ways to make girls feel more comfortable when they are at my place. In my past journal entries, I often note that the girl is displaying body language that shows she is nervous or shy. I believe there are some articles on this site that talk about dealing with this. I will have to do some research on how to make girls feel comfortable quicker.

Something else I need to work on is coming up with ways for the girl to touch me. This will make her more comfortable with me. For example, we compare hand sizes.

And...the last thing I need to work on is non-verbal game. A lot of the parties I go to are high energy parties and I find these sorts of parties difficult. It's pointless to try to talk to girls over loud music.

Last night I spent a little bit more time on my hair. I met up with a buddy and he asked if I had changed my hairstyle. I said no. I asked if it looked better than before. He said yeah. Nice.

I was talking to a girl last night at a party. She mentioned that she wanted to go to Australia (who doesn't these days..?). I told her I wanted to go to Europe because it is more sexually liberated in Europe. She laughed out loud and she started talking about how it was weird that I said that. I'm thinking she found it strange because A) she is sexually inexperienced or B) I said it in the conversation too early, or the way I said it was awkward. I'm not really sure. Also, as we were talking, some friends passed by me and patted me on the back. She exclaims, "Wow you're popular!" For a split second I didn't know what to say. But then I said "Nah, those are just my friends." Which was true. So I handled that well.

Fuck, I am looking and feeling super shitty lately. Lack of sleep and stuff. I wonder how much better I could do if I felt and looked my best.

 

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I am annoyed by the fact that I made a ton of mistakes this weekend. I was presented with several opportunities but I did not jump on them. In this entry I will detail these missed opportunities and explore my feelings behind them.

Friday night I was at a party with a DJ. I was standing right in front of the speakers. The music was pretty loud. There were not too many other people around me. These two girls came and stood very close to me and I caught their eyes. I realized this was an approach invitation. I got caught up in thinking some things: which one should I talk to? Even if I did talk to them, there would be no way I would hear them over the music. Should I use body language to show that we should go to a quieter place? Or should I try dancing with them. While I was thinking these things, they ended up leaving. I should have at least done something instead of do nothing. I should have gone up and chosen one to talk to. And then did a quick compliance test by moving them to a quicker place. It wouldn't have been hard to do that.

Saturday I was party hopping with my friends South and Bailey. Bailey is a Russian girl and South is a guy in my program. I sensed a little bit of interest from Bailey. I was giving her simple touches all night and she was willing to touch me back. It was midnight and we were passing by her house to go to another party. She said she was going home. I was standing in front of her house with her and South was a little bit down the street. But it seemed like she was waiting for me to take charge and say something. I told her goodbye and she went inside. I could have gone inside with her and had some fun. But I didn't wanna ditch South and I wasn't really quite done going to parties yet. However I could have spent a half hour with her and gone back out. And I felt like it would be awkward going into her house. It would feel weird for me escalating in a girl's house. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to hook up with her, I don't know if I'm attracted to her or not. Well I should have gone into her house with her anyways, these are all bullshit excuses!!!!!

This last opportunity I missed out on is a really peculiar event. Later on Saturday night around 1AM-ish I was at a party two doors down from my place. I had been outside smoking a cigarette and I came back inside. I walked up the stairs and leaning against the counter was this girl with bluish green hair. She opened me. We started talking about our costumes. She was holding eye contact but it was rather unsettling because her eyes were ridiculously wide open. Made her look like she was really hyper or something. An acquaintance of mine (who is her friend) interrupts us to say that I make awesome electronic music. She was interested in hearing some, I told her it was on my laptop. I lived two doors down, I could have easily asked her to come over to my place. Well not two seconds later she left with my acquaintance and the girl he was with. As they are leaving the girl kinda stops and lookand screes at me expectantly like she is waiting for me to take charge. I just said goodbye. I coulda gotten her number, but I'm not a fan of getting numbers. Anyways, shemost definitely interested and all I had to do was take charge. If she had hung around for a little while longer things would have worked better in my favour. It's m was y fault for not being prepare to move quick. But besides that, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to bring her back to my place, I wanted to talk to her a little bit moren her, cuz she was acting a little weird. I could have done that at my house though!!! The next day I talked to my acquaintance and he told me her name and I added her on Facebook. Sent her a message, doubt she will even remember who I am though.

Yeah, soo...three missed opportunities due to my lack of experience and/or shitty mindset. Will do some research and be prepared to move quick for next time.

 

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I would like to note some interesting comments made by others about my walk yesterday.

I was walking up to some of my classmates (one of them was a rapper) and the rapper said "Wow you just walked up here like a gangster, go do that again!"

Later, my roommates and I were walking to the grocery store. One of my roommates said "Why are you so angry right now?" I was curious as to what made him think I looked angry. He said it was because I was because of the way and speed I was walking. I was walking pretty fast, and I most definitely was making my shoulders swagger a lot.

I must slow down my walk. Every time I am walking somewhere, I really want to get there as fast as possible. It results in me walking fast. However, there's no rush. I am going to practice walking slow once a day.

Also, yesterday I was really exaggerating my walk. It probably made me look like an idiot, as people most definitely took notice. I am still working on developing the perfect walk.

 

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Hellooo friends.

I recently bought Chase's ebook and have been reading it. Lots of good tips in there!

Been getting compliments regarding my shoes, clothes, hair, and walk, so I know I'm on the right track with those things. One thing I need to improve on is my posture though. People are noticing my facial expressions too, I have been practising my facial expressions a lot. Recently I have also been working on my voice a little bit. Mostly working on vocal inflections right now.

I have been seeing a psychologist for counselling sessions. Gonna call her Polie. What I know about her is that she is around 40 years old and has been divorced once, she is currently single. She's got an interesting look about her and I think shes sooo attractive. The way she does counselling is really informal, sometimes she calls me "hun" and today she called me "babe." She also swears, it doesn't really feel like a counselling session, even though she is helping a lot.

She wears a lot of dresses, sometimes suggestive. I would have to say our conversations have sexual overtones in them. The other week she was talking about a specific brain structure being aroused, she kept saying the word "aroused." Hahaha, I smiled a little and I could just tell what we were both thinking about.

Then today, she says to me "Hey do you know who you look like? You look like Michael J Fox." I have heard that name before but don't really know what he looks like....she showed me a picture on her phone of him. Afterwards she says "I've been meaning to tell you that for a while now. Of course I meant that as a compliment. He is very....very.........hes retired now!" I feel like she was going to say something like "handsome" or "hot" or "attractive" but she realized that would be kinda unprofessional to indirectly state her attraction towards me, so she changed the subject to his retirement.

Later on we did some guided meditation. She was speaking and I listened to her. She said that she was going to record her speaking doing the guided meditation on her phone, then she was going to text it to me, so that I could do it at home. Afterwards she asked for my number, but I haven't gotten the voice clip from her yet.... Do you think this was an excuse just to get my number/text me?

I would most definitely like to do dirty things to her body, but its not really appropriate to do that while I continue to be counselled by her. Perhaps afterwards, if that is a possibility. I'm pretty sure she's attracted towards me. I have not been holding strong eye contact in our sessions, I don't want to come across as overtly sexual.

What do you guys think about this? How would I go about stating my attraction for her after I am done seeing her for counselling for good?

 

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Hi friends,

I've been thinking really hard lately. I've been thinking a lot about who I am as a person and how I can best express myself through clothing. I feel like I slightly overdress. Not only is it bad to overdress, but I realize this might cause people to think that...well i dont know....I have a feeling they might think that I'm a really classy guy (or something along those lines), when in reality, the vibes I am giving off are that I'm an artistic guy.

So, I have been focusing on that and making sure my appearance is going to be in accordance with how I act.

I've been seeing my psychologist. At our last session there were two instances where she leaned across her chair and touched my hand, then at the end of the session she grabbed my hand and held onto it for a few seconds. I've been thinking about what it means, if anything,

 

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I've been working on two things.

Not revealing too much about myself and keeping girls guessing, as well as consistently holding my frame.

 

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Been a while since I posted, I have been doing alright, took a visit to New Orleans over the holidays with my family. I was consistently getting asked how old I am. People were saying I looked 14-15..!!

I have a clear idea of where I want to go with my style in terms of clothing. I've been really attracted to wearing interesting clothing with weird shapes and patterns or ideas. For example, in New Orleans I bought a button up shirt with birds and the words "For The Birds" all over it. I want my clothing to be slightly peculiar, entertaining, and different, but still sexy. I really like the idea of peacocking. And when I wear these types of clothes, I feel more myself and within my element...I really feel like an artist and that's good.

Lately I've been teasing girls way too much to the point where it sends them into auto rejection. They get insulted!! I gotta back up a little bit.

I didn't mention this before, but I really identify with alek's style. He uses a lot of sex talk. I have been incorporating sex talk into practically every conversation I have with girls. Its super helpful! Screens out the girls who aren't sexually comfortable really quick, and also gets girls horny.

I am consistently using interesting vocal tonality, with vocal fluctuations and stuff like that...and also using a variety of facial expressions. I look at people and their faces are so static, I can't believe it. I noticed over the holidays that my mom was mimicking my facial expressions sometimes. If I raised my eyebrows, she would also do the same. Usually her face is quite static. There's a lot of girls who have pretty static faces, but I noticed some of the more attractive ones really make use of their facial expressions.

I can't wait till I'm happy with my style and I feel like it's complete. Once I am content with my clothing style, I feel as though I will have a good set of core fundamentals to work with.

Oh, also, when I was at home over the break, I made out with a lesbian at a bar. Thought that was kind of funny. I was just so drunk, I was going around the bar talking to girls and kinda leaning in acting like I wanted to kiss them. Ended up kissing the lesbian as well as some other girl. I can sense that a girl in my social circle in my hometown is starting to find me attractive. And uh, some girl wanted to date me. Had her over last night and we had some fun. But today she's not really talking to me. I didn't really want to date her anyways. One last thing: I've been talking to this girl on Facebook for months. Never even met her. But she is really bugging me to hang out with her. She says straight up that she is intrigued by me and that is why she needs to hang out with me. I just find it incredible that I've managed to maintain a mystery about me after 3 months of talking to her. I asked her if she'd like to come over to my place to watch a movie with me. She's down, so maybe I'll hang out with her soon. Would be good experience, but I'm not the most interested in her, I could actually care less. I sound like I'm in auto rejection, lol..

 

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Last night was awesome. I went to a party for my program and there was a ton of people I hadn't met before.

I was wearing two very bright button ups over a sweater and I was also wearing an eskimo hat. I was getting tons of compliments on what I was wearing. The most interesting thing is that girls were touching me. They wanted to touch my hat and they were touching my clothing and going through my layers of clothing to see what I was wearing. I will continue dressing like this.

I also was focusing on awareness radius throughout most of the day and also at the party. I have to admit I just realized how painfully awkward I used to be in social situations. I'm amazed by the power of awareness radius. It doesn't matter who you are talking to. If you are in a conversation with someone and providing them your full attention, they will feed on it. And the people who notice you doing that will wish you could talk to them. When you do go talk to someone who wants your attention, it will feel good for them and the conversation will be way more engaging for the both of you.

That's the best I can explain it for now..

I was sitting on a couch chatting with this girl (gonna call her H) I had seen her at the party but hadn't really addressed her all night. I started talking to her and our attention were soley focussed on each other. This other girl started trying to eavesdrop on our conversation! I started talking to the eavesdropping girl and my full attention was on her. I started ignoring H. But while I was talking to the eavesdropping girl, H was still listening. I said something and then H laughed touched my leg but I still ignored her because my attention was on the eavesdropping girl.

So what does that say when a girl touches you but your awareness radius isn't on her at the moment so you don't pay attention to her? I guess it could convey high value.

Looking forward to continue using this technique and learning more about how to use it effectively.