Smith's journal

[Smith]

Just watched RSD Tyler and Julien doing a video together on validation vs true romance. I have to say it actually challenges my view on women, and kinda explain why the women I've slept with are usually predominantly the sweet and loving type. In the video, they talked about how some women, who have abandonment issue, respond better when you're being a playful dick because they seek your validation, while some other types of women respond better when you're building connection, giving her compliments and being sweet loving to her. Next time, a girl don't respond that well to a compliment, I'm going to be a playful dick about it and start doing more "push". I don't feel comfortable doing a lot of "push", but again I have never tried that kinda stuff. It sounds a little manipulative, but that's just how it is and that seems to be what works with some type of girls. There's a spectrum, so calibration is key. It reminds me of this girl in my class, who I'm being a playful dick towards to a lot of the time. She responded well when I "push", but almost gave me a skeptical look when I gave her compliments. It's not just her as well. There's another girl in my class who seems like the "princess" type of girl, but responds well when I'm being a dick.

Today, the weather was absolutely horrible, so after I finish class a little late, I had to went around the cafeteria to find some girls to talk to. My goal is not to get numbers but just to focus on purely having fun. I'm trying to rewire my brain to focus more on the process, not the results. First girl I talked to was outside the cafeteria, and it was freezing, I kinda "ran out of things" to say from the beginning and was thinking about what to say to "hold her there", so I wasn't present in the moment.

Next girl was sitting alone eating her dinner. I was half relaxed but she responded well. I sit down and we chatted for about 10 minutes. During the interaction, things were going well when I don't think about the outcome, but I became nervous and less free flowing when I started to think about how to get her number, how to get her laugh, how to get her validation...etc. About 10% of me was still trying to "get into her party". Anyway, it was still a fun interaction. I let the conversation died down and we said goodbye. So I guess the gist of this is to follow the process, shift your priority to having fun in the moment and don't focus on the results.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Hey Smith!

Yeah I watched a couple bits and pieces of that video as well. I liked the infield example they used of the girl with the bicycle "A little too yellow..."

Yeah being a dick/asshole is sort of hard at first but the reason its attractive is because if used correctly adds to heavily to the fun, challenge, and playfulness of things. I think even the sweet girls respond well to it in certain cases but the "abandoned" ones almost need it as validation once the fun has been had. Just my speculations as I don't have enough data points to back that one up.

Regarding focusing on the process and bringing the party vs. weaseling your way in. Yeah if you can get engaged in the process to the point where you're having fun and just offering that value of your enjoyment you ideally get to the point where you almost forget your trying to seduce the girl and are just basking in your own positive emotional state.

Not many guys can achieve that consistently and there is something to be said about it. However if you're not in that state don't let it avert you from approaching and trying to move things forward. Once you get better it sort of naturally starts to happen more.

Keep it pimpin, pimpin

-Rob

 

[Smith]

Rob and Radeng,

I liked the infield example they used of the girl with the bicycle "A little too yellow..."

I think I actually encountered one of those predominantly seeking validation type of girl today. I was in a good and I saw her as I was crossing the road. She had a very hot body and wearing a bright pink yoga pant.
Me: "Excuse me"
She turned her head and looked at me coldly: "what do you want?" with a very heavy thai accent
I paused and was a little thrown off.
Me: "I saw you and you look really cute"
Her: "pfft"
then she walked away.
I cracked up laughing because her reaction was exactly what Julien and Tyler were describing. Some girls if you give them the validation they want, they'll just ignore you straight away. I think I should have responded with:
Her: "what do you want?"
Me: *smirk "Your pants...it's a little too pink..."

OR she could just be sexually unavailable lol but it's not the first time a girl gave me a similar reaction.

 

[BarryS1]

That video totally opened my eyes. I haven’t used push that much and have relied mostly on direct compliments this whole time. Like you Smith, all of the girls I’ve gone out with are more on the love-dovie side (probably b/c I go direct).

After watching a lot of Mystery videos, I used to think that only 9-10s respond to push and negging. Are 9-10s constantly combated with compliments throughout their day? Probably, but like we saw in the video some girls handle it differently. There could be butt-ugly girls with backgrounds like they mentioned who only respond to heavy pushing.

Looking back, I remember a lot of girls with the validation-seeking type of love b/c they reacted exactly how Tyler/Julien said. They LIT UP when I threatened to leave or when I started talking to someone else.

I’m gonna try Tyler’s method and change up the push/compliment on the girl depending on what she’s like. I am not sure if it’s possible to recover like Tyler if the girl is in a high-frequency area (like the street). Usually what happens is the girl will blow me off right away and keep walking. What would be an example of a way of opening a girl in that type of area with a push?

 

[Smith]

I am not sure if it’s possible to recover like Tyler if the girl is in a high-frequency area (like the street). Usually what happens is the girl will blow me off right away and keep walking. What would be an example of a way of opening a girl in that type of area with a push?

It would be really hard to recover if a girl is rushing to work or something, or she kept walking away and wouldn't stop, but I'm going to try give her a compliment first then calibrate with a push, depending on her reaction. If she's not very receptive to my compliment, then I'll follow up with a push like "but that's shirt is a little too red" with a smirk. I'll test this out when I have the chance lol. Chase just put out a post on how and when to be polarising on the advanced board, and it resonates with the video. It's all about that calibration!

 

[Smith]

I don't know what's wrong today, but something is just off. Talked to about 7-8 girls, but most of them just gave me cold shoulder, even that one girl who I considered below average. When she blew me off too, I realized I probably should go home and start fresh tomorrrow. It was really a test of my inner game. It reminded me of all that harsh blow outs in Sydney a few months ago. OH that pain is real haha. I really wish I could get some feedback from them. I don't feel like I'm doing anything different from last week, when I was at least getting into good conversations. Most of them just give me a serious look when I gave my compliment even though I was smiling and only a little nervous/excited. One girl even thought I was taking the piss at her. Maybe I'm not "appearing" genuine. It might just be a random bad day. But I'll be honest, I took a few days off and only talked to a couple of girls during the weekend on my way to the gym and stayed home rest of the time to study for a test I had today. Everytime I take a break like this, this sort of pattern emerges. I've been stopping girl from the side, but today it didn't seem to work all that well. I really want to walk a bit faster then stop her from the front, but it's the campus, so I thought I need to be more subtle.

Anyway, set up a date with that last girl I slept with. She came over last Friday and we slept together again. She was a bit resistance at first because she sort of wants to know where this relationship is going. I told her I'm too busy for anything serious but I enjoy hanging out with her, and she's free to meet other guys if she want. She thought about it and told me "ok if I get a bf, then this relationship is over". Ok no problem.

Yesterday, I sort of regret setting up this open relationship when my scarcity mentality suddenly kicks in. Man! open relationship is harder than I thought. I texted her today. Chit-chat a little and asked her out to catch a movie on Friday. I wasn't sure if I should just invite her over to watch "the walking dead", or go on a movie date. Oh well. What's done is done. I'm excited to watch the new avengers movie anyway. Because she has a car, I told her to come pick me up before the movie. The movie theatre is about 30 mins walking distance from my place, but 5 mins driving. I was thinking if we drive, then we could quickly grab dinner afterwards and go back to my place. But she seemed a little reluctant to drive. I'm not sure. I might be over analyzing her texts. She might just be worrying about parking in the CBD.
Me: "Let's go on Fri. The movie's at 6, so come pick me up at 5.30pm =)"
I added a little smiley face to make it warmer.
Her: "by car?"
yes bitch or what else? bike?
A small part of me wanted to back down to not "inconvenient her". I'm getting a little soft these days...
Me: "yes lol unless you're car is super dirty"
Her: "My car is not dirty =.= alright see you on Fri then"
I don't want to tease too hard, but I don't know. Chase said beginner-intermediate could be more polarizing haha
Me: "ok I believe you =) see you"
I don't feel like I understand the meaning of "open relationship" fully....is it any different than fuck buddies? or can you still have some kind of emotional feelings like you usually have in a committed relationship?

Anyway, also set up another date on Sat with a chick who was playing hard to get over text. She replied "yea. Sure" to my date probing a few days ago. I gave her a couple of days radiosilent, and texted her to set up the date today, which went smoothly.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey Smith mate check out this article,
http://www.sashapua.com/how-to-defeat-approach-anxiety-forever/, I realize your situation is not approach anxiety per se but it's more of a momentum issue, and I've found this to be good advice for dealing with the situation you describe. I've started to feel that momentum operates on different timescales simtaneously, day-by-day, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute etc and you need to crest all cycles simultaneously, that's why it's good to be always approaching. I pussied out a lot today with the excuse I'm parenting, but nevertheless did 5 of either compliment-eject or cocky-funny-eject, with good reactions. As to the rest of your report I am reading with interest because the intersection of fwb and r/ship is a difficult issue for me.
Ray

 

[Smith]

http://www.sashapua.com/how-to-defeat-approach-anxiety-forever/, I realize your situation is not approach anxiety per se but it's more of a momentum issue, and I've found this to be good advice for dealing with the situation you describe. I've started to feel that momentum operates on different timescales simtaneously, day-by-day, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute etc and you need to crest all cycles simultaneously, that's why it's good to be always approaching. I pussied out a lot today with the excuse I'm parenting, but nevertheless did 5 of either compliment-eject or cocky-funny-eject, with good reactions. As to the rest of your report I am reading with interest because the intersection of fwb and r/ship is a difficult issue for me.
Ray

Thanks bro! Good article. I try to chat up girls everyday, and it's just sometimes I'm a little socially exhausted, but then I immediately regret taking a few days off. Talking to strangers just feel so weird lol. I found compliment-eject is a good way of warming up. One thing that still bothers me is burning the place down, but I'm starting to care less now as the year progress haha.

Anyway, chat up some girls today after class, and screwed up on the beginning of the interaction with the first girl. I spoke a little too fast, and tried to recover later on when I was more in the moment. I was a little nervous in the beginning but I managed to calm down. I jumped the topic a little too fast when we were talking about our chinese name. I probably could have expanded this topic a bit more and have more fun with it and just be more self-amused. One thing I often forgot to do is qualifying. I heard from James Marshall that you should always qualify a girl especially hot ones. The second girl I just gave her a compliment and eject. She was pretty happy. I pussied out on talking to a hot blonde, and thought I shall made up for it later, and I did. Stopped another cute blonde as she walked past. Gave her a compliment, she laughed and thanked me but told me she was in a rush, so I let her go. I could have persisted.

I also heard James Marshal is doing an online workshop this Friday, for 1$ to secure a spot and $97 dollars to be charged 3 days later. I'm really keen on it, but I'm not sure if he'll be repeating everything I already know. There's a 100% money guarantee of course. All his 21C speech changed my game, so I wonder if this is really worth it. I'll be using my dad's credit card if I do decided to join, and that's another issue...I'm scared of my dad finding out I spend money on this....

 

[Smith]

Here are today's interactions:
1st girl at the supermarket - started chatting situationally but wasn't warmed up yet, so I left the interaction early.

2nd girl was at an interaction. Complimented her and she was receptive. Chatted for a bit and I was a bit too try hard in the beginning when I tried to tease her and make things sexual. I think I should have SLOW down. Too eager here. After more fun fluff talk, I asked her if she was single, she laughed and said no. I probed about her bf and it seemed like a fake one. We started talking about movies, and I teased her when she told me she likes Thor. Good thing about this interaction is I was pretty slow and relaxed. Nonetheless, I still feel a little too try hard. She was really cute.

3rd girl - it was in the supermarket again. There wasn't many people around because it was getting late. I saw this girl checking out prawn, so I started talking to her situationally. She wasn't attractive, but I was using this to practice. I was pretty self-amused and was enjoying talking to her. Several times in the conversation, she kinda hinted at me to move things forward, like asking me if I live around here...etc. The funny thing is I didn't even "try" to do anything. I wish I can carry this feeling with me when I'm talking to hot girls. It's like that recent article on getting high quality women. The jerk overqualify himself, and the nice guy invest too much.

I saw Julien's video on breaking down your poisonous belief and start viewing yourself as a god. While I have managed to break away a lot of my old mindset, and that got me some results. There's still some issue when it comes to high quality women.
Poisonous Mindset - " High quality girls feel out of reach! I don't feel like I deserve them"
Healthy Mindset - "High quality girls want me because of me! I'm awesome. I'm positive and I give them good sexual energy!"

Poisonous mindset - "I'm afraid other people will start judging me if they see me hitting on girls."
Healthy mindset - "Most people don't really care. Even if they witness the whole thing, they'll compliment me on how brave I am"

 

[Smith]

Did some compliment-ejects yesterday to get myself warm up. I'm going to follow Julien's advice on framing "rejection" to reinforce positive beliefs (positive delusional) instead of into negative beliefs. Because if you follow spiritual teacher's advice on being present in the moment, a girl saying "thanks" or "nice to meet you" then walking away is simply just that, but our mind interprets this into "rejection". Framing her reaction to reinforce every reference experience you have into positive beliefs like "I'm too awesome/too confident" to rewire your brain to start have positive assumptions instead of negative ones, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop looking at the interaction from an objective point of view.

Anyway, I was talking to this really cute girl. She was quite receptive at first. I wasn't being in my head and thinking about things to say. Although I missed a window to introduce some role-play because I got stuck in my head at that moment. The conversation was good and flowing. At one point, I randomly changed the topic to christmas gift because something she said just triggered that topic on my mind lol I told her I know it's a random topic but in a chill way, like this is who I am and I don't doubt myself. I think she sensed this and she got very relaxed too. Then I found out more interesting things about her. Looking back if I was stuck in my head and doubt myself whether christmas gift was a good topic, I would have never found out she's a tri-athlete, or if I had, it would have been in a boring way like "so do you do any sport?". I probably should have asked her out a little earlier. When I asked her out, she was a little hesitant and said maybe. I pulled out my phone and grabbed her number. I saw her typing her last name, but then she asked me if I wanted her last name. I made a mistake here saying "up to you" because I was thinking I shouldn't be too needy, then she changed her last name to just one letter. Now I think about this, I should have lead and said "sure. You seem like a cool girl" and qualify her on trying to invest. Texted her ice breaker 2 hours later, then went on a date with my fwb. She didn't reply until 5 hours later saying she was at her boyfriend's place and maybe she will text me later. Now I see why she was hesitating. I was too awesome, I made her wanted to cheat on her bf =D

The date with my fwb was pretty cool. We watched the avengers, then later we got Mcdonald. I paid for the movie, she paid for the dinner. She told me about a guy she met this week, who texted her everyday asking her out to get Mcdonald (how ironic I was eating McD with her later), and he even told her that he wanted to come on this date to make sure she's safe. wtf? I wasn't sure if she was making up the story, but later I saw the text conversation, and it was real. This guy got her Line ID from her friend, but she told me her friend didn't give it to him. LOL. In the text conversation, this guy's emotion was all over the place. At first, he started complaining about what makes him sad and took a picture of him at the beach at 11pm. It was pretty funny. I think he wanted to take her that night to the beach but because she replied she's busy, he went by himself. Then the next morning, he apologized for being emotional and sharing his shit, and says it happens to him once every month. I think he wanted to joke about it but it appeared weak. I told her maybe he was on his period. She laughed and thought that was hilarious. I didn't want to put him down, but this white knight needs to go.
She let me read through the text conversation. I was being very light hearted about his texting attempt to cockblock me.
She tested me that "maybe he'll be my bf". I laughed and said "You're funny! go on. let me know how it works out". She laughed and said she was kidding. He texted her "Did you meet you friend" when we were having sex. I told her to reply it while I was penetrating her. "You are so mean!" she said.

On a bigger picture, this girl is consider average cute to me and some random guy who I have never met is trying to cockblock me already.

 

[Smith]

Just came home from a date (or rather the girl left my place). I feel like this is similar to last time where the girl doesn't seem to be comfortable enough for me to escalate, even though I tried like hell to build comfort.

She arrived earlier at the cafe. I saw her pacing around and I could tell a bit of nervous body language. No worries. I greeted her warmly and led her inside. I ordered my hot chocolate first and sat down without waiting for her. She sit down at my table soon afterwards. I started some chit-chat and deep dived her and teased her a little. I noticed when I'm playfully being a dick to her, she seemed to close down rather than open up, so I dialed it down a bit. Kept things a little sexual when we were talking about plastic surgery and Thailand. I felt like I had to invest more to keep the conversation going. Otherwise, she'll let it die down. Many times, I paused and looked away waiting for her to re-engage, but she didn't.I seeded some youtube videos that we should watch later as a way to invite her home. I saw her finishing her drink faster than me. I think it was only about 30 mins. I feel like it's a little too fast to invite her home, because she wasn't investing in the conversation, and she started looking around. I thought about going for a walk and move to another place, but she complained about being sick and not wanting to move around that much, so I just invited her home and told her it's not far away. She was a little hesitant and gave some objections, I'll chill out for a bit then persist one more time and she came with me.

At my place, she choose to stand up rather sitting down on my bed. I sit on my chair and put on the video I was going to show her. We talked for a bit, but she still didn't seem relax and comfortable enough. I tried to make things sexual but the energy just wasn't there. I'll touch her here and there during the conversation and that seemed alright, but whenever I moved a little closer to her, she'll move away.
I teased her "are you fat?" when we were talking about something I can't remember. She said " no", and seemed a little offended.
After talking for about 50 mins, I was a little tired, so I decided to make my intent stronger if it hasn't been already.
Me: "Hey I enjoyed hanging out with you today" and touch her arm. The tension is building.
She somehow interpret this as a sign to leave.
Her: "oh yea me too! I enjoy it too. I should go" She said this very fast.
I hold both of her hand and they're a little sweaty.
Her: "Don't get too close to me...I'm sick I don't want to pass it onto you haha"
Me: "haha I don't mind" I tried to pull her closer but no go. I let go of her hand immediately.
She walked towards the door. I opened the door for her and we said goodbye.

This is similar to last time. I think she's inexperienced(?). Only went to nightclub once with her dad, which is extremely weird lol and don't drink that much. At least that's what she tells me. This time I didn't go for a kiss because the distance between us is just a little too far to initiate a kiss. I tried moving closer to her and she would just inch away slowly and that made it hard to escalate.
I'm thinking next time, with a girl like this, I'll have to go for a date 2. It seemed like inviting them home after less than an hour just triggers some sort of alarm in their mind and they put on their guard.

 

[Smith]

Things have been a little slow due to uni, but still chatting up girls here and there.
Saw Tyler's new video on presence, process orientation and positive life. I have never quite understood what he meant by process orientation until now and that makes a lot of sense. What I found that works for me is to talk to any chick and have fun first without any goal, so I'm not so needy with hot chicks.
I've been following Julien's advice on taking whatever lesson you can out of each interaction then reframe every reference experience positively. It helps a lot. I found that when I start judging myself after each interaction, I become more needy and not being able to get into flow. It's very hard to reframe things positively after each interaction, especially if the girl walks away, but I think I can rewire my brain overtime to prevent that little voice of negativity coming up.

Chat up a few girls yesterday and today. Complimented a girl on the street and it made her really happy, we chat for a bit but she still walked away. I should have persisted a bit more. Oh well I'm just too awesome she couldn't handle it anymore. The second and third girl I talked to were in the supermarket. The second woman was actually a middle aged woman who I talked to for warm up. It felt good and it was further proof that no one in the supermarket gives a shit if you talk to strangers. The third girl was a pretty hot chick wearing yoga pants. I was about to go pay for my groceries to "avoid" talking to her, but then I thought whatever happens, it's positive. I was still a little nervous, and voice should have been better. She was leaning in very close and looking at some cheese.
Me: "It looks like you're looking for bugs" I teased her
She couldn't quite catch what I said, so I had to repeat and rephrased what I said.
Her: "haha yea I was looking for bugs" she still haven't made eye contact with me, which made me feel like she didn't want to engage.
Me: "haha btw do you know which one of these is good?"
Her: "ummm this one"
Me: "why is that?"
Her: "haha because it's the best"
Her body was already turned away from me, then she walked away.
It's a little strange she didn't even make eye contact with me the whole time...oh well she probably thinks I was way out of her league =p
But take home lesson from this would be to get her attention first with a "hey" so she's properly engaged, instead of shooting off some asshole comment when she's not even looking at me then tried to recover it with some situational questions.Maybe if I went direct right after I teased her, it could have been better, but next time, get her attention first.

Talked to two girls today. I'm applying Torero's conversation advice, which is when she brought up a topic, say 3 things about it - 2 normal, 1 cheeky. First girl wasn't my type, although she has some attractive features. I talked to her to warm up and it was fun. Exchanged number with her but don't think I'll text her. Second girl was an OK blonde. She thanked me for the compliment and was flattered, but didn't stay long for the conversation. Both interactions, I applied Torero's tip, and it worked and it was fun. It made me free flowing. I think I should have persisted with the second girl. I felt like I was too confident and smooth, she's thinks I'm way out of her league.

 

[Smith]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPW_kypEMB0

Far out Julien just blows my mind...."if you're consistent with 7s and 8s, and can't get 9s and 10s...go talk to unattractive girls".
At first I thought this was contradictory, but then I realized how he's so fking right and I've been tackling my sticking point the wrong way! Only talking to hot girls is in itself putting them on pedestal! So from now on I'll talk to unattractive girls until I have genuine fun with them. I have never thought that's how you get hot girls off the pedestal, but it makes a lot of sense. Guess it's just another paradox of the game. Fully commit and have genuine fun talking to fatties and old ladies, then you won't be so needy with the hot ones because you'll have just as much fun talking to ugly ones and hot ones. It's like playing guitar, you don't care about who you're playing it to because you're just enjoying yourself.

A few interactions today. Spent the whole weekend studying because I have two tests next week and a final exam coming in a few weeks. First girl I talked to I was very much in my head. It was in the supermarket and I'm still trying to prove to my brain that there is no social pressure. I wish I could just completely let go, and not giving a single fuck about what she thinks, what everyone else thinks and what my ego thinks.

Talked to a few more girls around campus even though I should be studying. I didn't watch Julien's video before I went out, so I mainly talked to hot ones. It was very windy and cold outside so I sit outside the library since it has more traffic. I was battling social pressure and thought the longer I sit here the more awkward it would be, so I better go talk to someone, then I finally got up the courage to stop a girl and tell her she's cute. She laughed but said she needed to go. Exchanged number with another hot girl, but it was a weak interaction. I asked her out and exchanged number too fast. I jumped the gun when she told me she's going to another library. I think I said to myself "oh this is going to flake" immediately after we part ways...I hope she didn't hear me lol. To be honest, I didn't really have fun in that interaction. Time to follow Julien's advice...even though it's going to kill me. I think I needed to watch that video several times to really get it.

 

[ray_zorse]

Yeah, hey man, I think that's solid advice, I mainly go for girl-next-door types too, probably for the same reason, I was looking at it more from a skill-building perspective but also I guess I'm not learning as much if I'm too nervous to apply my process. I could see a time in the future when I might want to step out of my comfort zone a little, but based on this new advice from you and Julien I'm starting to think this might just happen organically. I did talk to a few Aussie chicks lately rather than just Asian and they turned out to be very sweet and friendly (whereas I'm often concerned they'll be bitchy and dismissive which was my experience with classmate girls growing up), so I guess categorizing is silly.
Ray

 

[Smith]

I did talk to a few Aussie chicks lately rather than just Asian and they turned out to be very sweet and friendly (whereas I'm often concerned they'll be bitchy and dismissive which was my experience with classmate girls growing up), so I guess categorizing is silly.
Ray

Same here bro! I used to talk to mainly asians but now I find chicks from other ethnicity are pretty cool too!

I have been pretty sick since yesterday. I've been following Julien's advice on talking to unattractive girls. I'm beginning to feel like I'm removing hot girls from pedestals now. Talking to unattractive girls forces you to be self-amused. I can't believe I can have fun talking to them too. I have to keep telling myself to be like the guitar player, who's enjoying playing music for himself. I was a little worried that if I keep talking to unattractive girls it will make me unattractive too, then I won't be able to talk to hot girls....but after meditating on this, I realized how wrong this mindset is, because what this implies is that hot girls are different to ugly girls and that places them on pedestal. It's like the 9s and 10s are a different species. Treat all girls with the best version of yourself! I've been walking around feeling great yesterday and today.

I always thought I have that nervous feeling only when it comes to stopping hot girls, but the last couple of days I found that I have the same feeling when stopping unattractive girls lol Guess I have been interpreting it wrong in my mind the whole time. One key lesson from today's interaction is to stay on the topic she brought up by saying whatever comes out of my mind when I think of that topic. Sometimes I just froze and had nothing to say when she tells me something. I was filtering myself and I was afraid to say what was on my mind to not offend the girl (sometimes sexual stuff) but I know this is a validation seeking behaviour I still need to weed out. Still pretty glad I pushed myself today. I was feeling really sick and had massive headache.

 

[Smith]

Friday
1st girl - really cute girl. I had a choice between talking to this other average girl and her. I pushed myself to go talk to her. Turned out she had a fiance, but I had genuine fun in this interaction like never before. Reminded myself to treat her the same as any other girls. I'm trying to get to the point where hot girls and ugly girls have no difference in my mind, because I'm just enjoying expressing myself. Be the guitar player who played music for himself and likes to share with everyone.

2nd - slightly below average. Asked her about the food she was holding. Still having trouble knowing when to show intent in these type of situation. I probably stayed on a topic she wasn't interested in and that lost her, and I didn't even introduce myself, I think.

3rd - unattractive. I teased her about the bread she was holding. She laughed but didn't engage afterward. I probably should have introduced myself, since she probably was too shy to talk to a confident stranger.

Something hit me when I'm talking to unattractive girls and commit to the interactions like they're hot....it shows me I need more practice with girls, hot or not! Hot girls and ugly girls are not different at all in the way they interact with me.

Today, on my way to the gym, I was actually being a pussy and trying to avoid talking to girls. I thought if I ran to the gym, then it's less likely I'll meet a girl on the way haha. It was very stupid, and a very bad behaviour. This led me to not talking to my "dream girl" who walked past me, because in my mind I "wasn't prepared". I hesitated and wondered if I should catch up to her, but the thought that was stopping me was "I've pretty much talked to all the hottest asian chicks in uni, I should save this one for another day when I'm more well dressed, and also I'm too busy to date with my final exam coming up anyway". Now I wrote this down, it sounds like a pretty smart excuse haha, but a very silly one in reality. Can't believe I was preventing myself to have success RIGHT NOW! I was getting ahead of myself with "too busy to date", and I didn't know when I was going to see her again so "saving her for another day" is just plain silly, even though this is fking small town. I was also afraid I was going to fail and I won't get another chance with her again. This thought puts her on the pedestal, because again I should be the guitar player who enjoyed playing music for himself, and I forgot about Julien's advice on positively reframe your reference experience. Now I also remembered Drexel or Franco's advice that girl's impression of you can change all the time, so even if your first impression wasn't that great, it can still be changed later on. Next time, I'm going to use this feeling as a leverage to take action, and whenever I have this "I'm afraid if I fail now I won't get another chance with her" attitude comes up, I need to remind myself I can have just as much fun with her as any other girl. No Difference!

 

[Smith]

1st girl - She was standing1-2 meters away. I tried to close the distance, but she seemed to back off a little as well, which was rather strange because she seemed warm and receptive. It was drizzling and the temperature was 3-4 degree. I just said whatever was on my mind, but filtered myself at one point when I thought it would offend her. I should have just said what's on my mind because I think it killed the flow of the conversation and most importantly, my creativity. Because it was super cold, I suggested to get coffee some other time. She said she has a bf. I teased her he won't mind and she laughed. Not sure if it's legit bf.
Lesson: Don't filter yourself. It kills creativity.

2nd girl - stopped her right after the first girl. It was raining harder, and the wind didn't help. I persisted her to stay, but she politely ejected.

3rd girl - at the supermarket. Opened Direct, and she was flattered but seemed really nervous lol. I think the social pressure of people "watching" got to her haha Maybe I should have gone indirect direct. I wasn't 100% free flowing. And maybe 1% of me was seeking approval, so maybe that's why I was half stuck on the conversation.
Lesson: In a situation like this, if a girl's nervous, maybe give her a false time constraint. and chill out a lot more with some fun fluff talk and don't go too quick into deep diving.

4th girl - unattractive girl at the fruit section. Teased her about trying to pick the best avocados in the basket. She was startled because I delivered my statement behind her. Lesson: Let her see you first if you can.

I was super happy about taking action today, because lately I've been building some negative momentum by procrastinating too much and not doing what I should be doing.

 

[Smith]

Had to push myself to go talk to girls today. I told myself in the morning that today I'll have a day off, but I couldn't resist!
1st girl - I was feeling "weird" trying to stop girls, but managed to push myself to do it. Even though it was only 6pm, it was already dark and cold. Tried to stop this girl, but she just smiled at my compliment, shaked my hand then went on her way. There were this other girl walking by, maybe she heard me "got rejected", but in my peripheral vision, she didn't even look my way. This is exactly the kind of proof my brain needs to show that no one cares, even on campus.
Lesson: persist her to stay.

2nd girl - Asian chick walking in front of me. There was this other guy walking close by. I was getting nervous because "what if he sees me trying to pick up chicks?" But I know this is one of those moments I need to push myself to get a breakthrough. So I stopped her then asked her if she speaks english, and delivered my compliment. The conversation wasn't free flowing, partly because she wasn't contributing much and I wasn't completely in the moment. I was trying to stay present but nothing was "working". I tried to do some push on her but it wasn't working. I think the issue was I wasn't being genuine. I was saying things and trying to be more "challenging" just for the sake of trying to get her, and that's probably why I ran out of things to say! I was trying to be this asshole in my mind. It wasn't congruent, and my vibe probably felt fake.
Lesson: Don't think ahead. stay on the topic she brought up by saying whatever you can think of relating to that topic, and keep talking about specifics because that's where creativity comes from. Also be more genuine and congruent with who you are.

3rd girl - Unattractive girl. Complimented her by her walk. Had the same problem. Stuck in my head, thinking ahead, not listening.

4th girl - she told me she needed to go right after I stopped her. I thought that was a sign she's not interested, but when I kept talking, she laughed but I decided to let her go.
Lesson: persist more.

I seem to be stuck on conversation and persisting at where it counts. The conversation issue is frustrating because I thought I had fixed it a few months ago, where I was good at talking about anything and having fun, but maybe it's because I'm studying a lot these days I'm in the logic mode most of the time. But whenever I'm with my friends, I can do well with bantering. I think there's still a small part of me seeking validation and approval when chatting to girls. But I think I've got a solution to that, which I forgot due to lack of implementing it in the last few weeks, i.e. offering specifics in a conversation instead of bland statement and be congruent then you won't run out of things to say.

 

[Smith]

Lately, I've been losing focus, so I downloaded some RSD motivational quotes and put them on my desktop. Every time I lose concentration, I read one of the quotes and instantly I feel motivated. I remember Tyler said Daygame is basically determined by how you run your life, and today I can't help but realize how true that is. The last couple of days, I've been in this constant state of "flow" when I'm working intensely. I talked to a lot of girls today. I'm tempted to use the rating scale, but I won't, so let's just say one of them is attractive. The main thing I focus on is being relaxed and offer specifics in a conversation to be self-amused. I think being relaxed is probably the most important thing.

1st girl - She smiled when I walked up next to her and complimented her. She wouldn't stop, so we just walked and talked. I bantered and deep dived, but she was just luke warm.
When she suddenly swerve into a building, I proposed that we should get coffee and she agreed. I texted her later, then she told me she lied to me about herself because we were stranger. I laughed and told her that I can understand. I'm just another charming stranger on the street to her. She laughed.

2nd girl - told me she has a bf. Had a brief conversation, which I wasn't in the moment and didn't really listen to her.

3rd girl - on my way to the gym. I saw her walking towards me. I slow down and stood still, then stop her. She was really warm to my compliment, but ejected herself. Probably because she was too overwhelmed

4th girl- After I finish gym, I saw her walking and texting. I delivered my compliment, she said thanks, but she kept walking. I persisted her to stay, and she gave me an excuse. I told her I'm walking the same way. I probably should have side-stepped her objection, then invite her to walk with me. It was good banter, but probably too much banter and fluff talk, and not enough grounding. I also noticed I was trying a little too hard to relate to her and dialed it down a little. During middle of a conversation, she saw her friend and she quickly ran towards her. I was a little lost, but I just kept walking slowly then stopped to wait for her. She ran back to join me so that was good. There was a pause in the conversation, because I know I need to dial back my investment and let her invest, but she didn't. Then one of my cute female friends walked past and greeted me. I think that social proof helped. I re-engage her and bantered a bit more. I was being self-amused and she just laughed with me. Exchanged number, but I felt like she gave me a fake number. Oh well. Meh

5th girl - when I first saw her, my heart rate started to go up. I knew this was a subconcious reaction that I'm probably putting her on pedestal. I was almost late for an appointment, but I pushed myself to catch up to her, even though I could have easily walked away. My compliment and voice was good and I teased her and she responded well. However, I wasn't completely relaxed and was "trying to get into her party". I got stuck in my head during mid conversation. She told she's from Hong kong and she moved here because of the green nature. If I was relaxed, I could have easily moved into either of those topic, but I changed topic and asked her what she does for fun. She then told me she's in a rush, so I asked her out and grabbed her Line. It wasn't a solid interaction but I did the best I could have done at that moment and I'm ok with that. Next time will be better. Gotta stay positive. I could have walked away and called it a day. I fought the thought of "saving her for another time", and walked into the unknown. After the interaction, I was also policing my thought that she's more special then the other chicks I talked to, and I tried not to place any importance on her.
Lesson: Relax, stay on topic and offer details to be self amused.

Gotta keep moving ahead and keep up the momentum

 

[Smith]

Watched some of Justin Wayne's videos. I saw one of his videos a long time ago right about the same time I started reading GC and thought he talked too much and used a lot of routines, but I decided to give him a chance again. This guy's game seem to be solid, and his videos are good. He always show the whole process from meeting the girl to sleeping with them. One thing I can learn from him is to develop a process for touch. Lately I've focused a lot on my conversation, and forgot I need to touch her as well. I forgot how important 'touch' is. One thing I've noticed from his videos is that he almost always start with the hand holding when taking the girl on an insta-date, and if the girl rejects that he steps back a little and try again. But damn, maybe it's the way they edit those videos but he's got a good flow and structure to his game that's consistent.

To summarize what I observed.
- Verbally. don't hear much of what he says except the beginning. He uses whatever opener (sometimes direct or indirect) , then start talking, then qualify the girl, i.e. tell them they have a good energy. In his older videos, he talks a lot, but in his newer videos, I think he learned to dial it down. But mostly focus the conversation on the girl.
- Physcially. In the beginning, after he qualifies them in whatever way and the girl is receptive, he either go for a high five then softly held her hand or he tells them to give him a hug then held her hand. He'll acknowledge the hand holding briefly and say oh this is romantic then move onto the conversation to not make it a big deal.

I think my challenge next time is to qualify the girl soon after opening (maybe 2-5 mins) then go for a high five and hold her hand. Lately I've been doing too much talking and not moving the interaction fast enough. I would get too comfortable talking to the girl without moving forward. And if the girl is good looking, I found they don't usually want to stay for chit-chat. I think this would change my style a bit, since I used to follow James Marshall who's a bit more laid back-ish.