Pretty whack day of approaching. After yesterdays eventful day game I made some changes to help alleviate some pressure off me. A couple of things I changed to reduce my outcome dependence and up my mood before I got into meeting girls. First off I walked listening to upbeat music knowing it would help. As I kept walking I transferred the energy to a more social form by saying hi to people who were walking past. Got into a brief conversation with a guy photographing trees, he was careful not to mention who he was taking photo's for so I assumed it was for a girl he liked. I kept walking through the park and kept talking to people, did a couple of compliment ejects and approached a girl properly. I didn't expect anything and we had a short conversation and then moved on. Opened another girl a bit further on, she excused herself immediately. I'm feeling rather good right now, much more social and ready to try a few things.
Before I left my house I wrote down a couple of goals for the day. One was to say hi to 5 people on the walk, check. The other was to flirt/chase frame twice. I get into the shopping centre and walk around and open a few girls. They're receptive to me. The first girl was into me, I was talking to her and tried flirting, I got my tone and body language wrong and that killed that interaction. Next girl I met, the conversation followed the same pattern, we got talking but I struggle to make it fun and my attempt at flirting flopped. Same issue, my body language is off. I noticed as I kept approaching throughout the day I'm still tilting my head down, I'm a little tense and I think my body language is incongurent; half of my body says I like you, the other half says I'm not interested.
Big Red Flag. I'm pretty glad I've spotted this, I was wondering what was up.
I approach another girl, she is a bit larger than I go for but I'm in this for the practice. I open her directly with a compliment, she looks dead confused, glass being shattered confused. I try and qualify her immediately in the conversation to see what would happen, I teased her a bit first on being confused. She isn't that receptive to either of it, I reckon my non-verbals are triping me up. She then asks me directions and I give them and exit the conversation, sensing it's a no go.
A few more girls approached some receptive some not so and I meet this one girl who is pretty hot, naturally I go and talk to her. I open and she is warm to me. We have a quiet chat and I move her to the side and sit down, she doesn't sit with me but the conversation continues. I start to flirt with her but I've placed myself out of range meaning I can't touch her without looking like I'm chasing. She enjoys the flirting but to me it doesn't feel sexual. The words worked but there lacked meaning behind them. I notice she could sense the same and soon after we leave the conversation.
I keep opening girls here and there, some stop some don't. I don't get a number from any of these girls who do stop.
My approaches go like this. I open the girl face on as they're usually walking the opposite direction from me. I raise my voice a little but I have a platonic voice, no pregnant pauses and my facial expressions seem tense, like I'm forcing them (I am much more relaxed though compared to other days). I open and offer my hand and I feel my head tilt down a bit. Assuming the girls stays I then try and make some light hearted small-talk to ease the tension, sometimes it works, sometimes not. By this point, I have my arms crossed, my body pointing away a bit with my eyes moving around a more than they should. I feel social pressure to ease the tension so I get stuck in my head. As I try and think of something fun, witty and clever to say my eyes wonder and my voice quietens. I'm not sure if I'm smiling still at this point, I guess so but it seems forced if anything. If I can't find anything to say I fall back on interviewer tactics which destroys the conversation. If I do manage I can recover a little bit, but the precedent of the interaction has been set. My voice tone comes off as a little serious as I'm focused more on myself than the conversation I'm having. I also become more guarded and less "aggressive", this is dwindling though which is awesome! I've noted though that if I start off the interaction with anyone of these things the rest follow; if I don't do any, the interaction goes smoothly and the girl is soon attracted.
Like one of my last approaches of the day that got me an instant date, a kiss within 5 minutes of meeting her and some sexual touch soon after.
I'm walking and spot this really cute girl, exactly my type, walking the opposite direction. I open her with a direct compliment and use a couple of pregnant pauses, a less platonic voice tone and a sexier demeanor overall. She responds immediately to this and soon we're in a conversation that is going somewhere. I have my arms crossed, body turned away, but I'm trying to focus more on the conversation than anything else. When she gave me her name I gave her a nickname in an attempt to be polarising and she like it so I stuck with it calling her "book" for the rest of the time we talked.
I got investment from her by asking to see a tattoo that she had on her hand. I asked her a couple of questions about it, what's does it mean, why'd you get it. Turns out she just got drunk one night and drew it herself. I decide to qualify her on her creativity, she doesn't play ball so I switch to adventurousness and spontaneity which she passes with flying colours. I move her to the side and notice that she's a smoker. That's cool and I ask her for a ciggerette to build more investment. She agrees and I start to flirt with her, telling her she comes of as a bit risqué and sexual, all of this implicit. She loves it and I keep it up. Before I know it I'm feeling sexual attraction for this girl and excited and intuition tells me that this is usually a good time to start escalating a bit. I flirt a bit more and tell her "you're going to love this then" and kiss her. We kiss a bit deeply, tongues and that for a couple of seconds. Too long if I want to make her want more. After our kiss I flirt some more and high five her but don't let go off her hand and tell her we're doing a boyfriend-girlfriend role-play. We exchange numbers and I suggest we go to a coffeeshop and lead her there. The coffeeshop I choose wasn't a small independent shop but a larger chain, a mistake as it was very busy and looking up it might be some of the reason deep diving her failed.
By the time we start walking to the coffeeshop I think I got more outcome dependent as the atmosphere started to change from a sexual vibe to a more platonic vibe. I gather this is maybe meant to happen during rapport but it caught me off-guard and I got a little awkward. As the coffeeshop moves closer I say to her "you don't mind buying do you." She agrees and pays for my coffee when we arrive.
We kiss in the queue and it's less sexual. Each kiss now seems to kill any sexual tension and feels more like filler now.
We take a seat and I tell her to sit next to me not opposite me and we face each other, holding hands like bf-gf, and I try to deepdive her. I got something majorly wrong here. Either I should have had some lighter conversation just before or I wasn't vulnerable enough. Probably both. I kept asking her questions and she kept giving me no-go answers. I persisted a little but she wouldn't budge. I struggle to relate as there is nothing to relate to and we keep topic jumping. It doesn't help that I keep bringing up negative threads in an attempt to keep the conversation alive.
After a while I decide I'm putting too much effort into the converastion and decide to do something different. Using social pressure I say that she comes off as awkward in the hopes that she will reinitiate or give me a bone... which has unforunately died down
. She does respond and asks me a question. I decide that if she isn't opening up maybe I have to first so I delve a little deeper in the hopes that she can relate. I involve her in the conversation but she doesn't relate and soon we're back to eye-drifting.
In a vain attempt to keep things alive I tell her to compliment me, she does after a while. I kiss her as a reward, nothing. I don't say a word and hold eye-contact to build tension, putting on a rather shit bored look, nothing. I try playing a game of slaps like in the wedding crashers, a little something. When it's her turn to slap me I flirt with her making her laugh, bring her in close and kiss her as my hand explores her leg, her hand does a little of the same. We stop and everything dies down again. Am I missing an escalation window? Cause all of this happened in half an hour or so...
As we finish our coffee some guy sits down with us as there are no spare seats. I am about to argue with him and politely tell him to fuck off but as I'm saying my words she suggests we go outside and smoke again. We go outside and as we get near some benches she drags me to sit down with her and we smoke. I try to deep dive again, nothing.
We sit for a bit and notice her checking out some other guy who has a girl-friend, escalation window missed??? I decide to move her to another part of town and we talk about our parents. I decide that I've got to be completely vulnerable and open up and relate my own experience with hers. I hit something, finally. It turns out that she has only recently got in touch with her dad, is now living with him and she isn't so fond off her mum. I fuck up here now as I get trapped in my head and stop trying to be vulnerable, lose the thread and spiral into topic jumping with negative threads. As we finish our ciggerettes I decide that I've fucked up really badly and I've shot myself in the foot with a double barrel. I hug her and leave her, I'll try texting her later but I doubt anything will come of it.
What I learnt was:
- Focus on the conversation.
- Have congruent body language.
- Don't tilt my head down.
- Build some light hearted conversation at the start.
- Gain early compliance.
- Qualify girl, move and flirt.
- Be more polarising.
- During rapport I have to be completely vulnerable.
- Small, independent coffeeshops are the way forward.
- Reward the girl for investment.
- Don't force rapport.
- If something isn't happening how I want it to, I'm doing something wrong.
- Be lighthearted before going into rapport.
And others that are in the back of my brain but aren't coming to me just yet. I'm rather proud of today, even though I felt a bit ridiculous when fucking up. But I made some awesome progress!!!
