The Ladykiller Chronicles

[Kvothe]

Had an instant date today and the girl came into my apartment within 5 minutes. Didn't have the frame of reference that such a thing could be possible, but if I had been more present, and attuned to her body language, tone, and comfort-could have been a 20 minute lay possibly.

Incredible the feelings of potential that are filling me up.

 

[Kvothe]

@Karea Ricardus D. (hope you don't mind the tag)

Am taking a few weeks to meditate on things Ricardus wrote up in his X Factor series. Specifically, training in those emotional states so they become my new default. I've been doing it for three days and I feel very strong effects-especially when coupled with actual items.

Anyways, I'm looking at the different emotional states listed in https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-pick-girls-success-factor-part-v

Specifically:

1. Calm and Serene
2. Carefree
3. Conviction and Certainty
4. Masculine and Powerful
5. Socially Confident
6. Sexually Aware
7. Mysterious
8. Aroused
9. Compassionate

The way I meditate is for 20 minutes, twice a day, I meditate and try to evoke the emotion in myself, and then maintain that emotion for the full 20 minutes, bringing my mind back to it if the emotion strays, or my mind loses focus. Then I cycle a new emotion every week-so I expect this to be a 9 week program.

I'm starting off with Conviction and Certainty as keeping my state and my belief in myself is a weak point. And the results are already interesting. A successful pull, and an instant date that could have been a 20 minute lay. Plus from a personal level, I just feel more full of conviction and certainty for many hours after completing my meditations.

Karea, would love to hear your advice on how you work to develop that X Factor, and what meditations/exercises you used back when you wrote the article.

 

[Kvothe]

On reflection over the last week and half I've realized I added some bad habits-and these have changed my approaches from direct to more "neo-direct". Specifically, there is an air of apology in my approaches. I don't know where it came from-and I don't know why it stayed. But shit's got to go.

A few specific habits my infields reveal:

• Saying "sorry" in the open
• Instead of confidently leading a girl in a direction when she's in a rush, timidly asking "I'll walk with you this way, if that's cool with you"
• Following up low compliance girls with boring conversation topics that cause them to immediately want to exit
• Self-ejecting out of sets where the girl hasn't rejected me

So what are the solutions?

First, cut out the apology bullshit. Two weeks ago I was behaving like a king, and kings expect their presence to be enjoyed and desired, and it's up to a king's discretion who they spend their time on.

Second, lead, tease, challenge. Be a man with these woman and show them something they are missing in their PC, corporate worlds.

Third, be a dog. That means running the conversation until the close or the girl leaves. Stop leaving sets.

In short-start being a man again. I was a man with two ton balls two weeks ago-I can get back to that immediately.

 

[Kvothe]

Today the goal was to not use "excuse me" or "sorry" on the opener. And my vibe was better and more grounded. So will keep that up.

Main notes were that conversations were still a bit forced-need to focus on getting myself natural and more stoic.

Other one was a girl saying she was coming back from a date.

I should have responded:

"Oh perfect... that means you're all warmed up for flirting... let's go grab a drink"

instead of the asking about how the date went. The reason for the above was because the girl immediately became super submissive to me and started stroking her hair, so with something more stimulating I think she would have actually hooked.

 

[Kvothe]

Approach Notes

General Notes:

• No apologies
• Speak louder

#1

• Awkward conversation-seems unclear where the conversation is going. Need to be better about leading it
• Cut out the filler words
• "Are you normally a sparkly sort of girl"-she answers "no", then go into qualifying statement and find out what sort of girl she is

#2

• Just call her out when she asks about the direction of the coffee shop-"Nope, but to be honest I care more about getting to find out a bit about you than where a coffee shop might be"

#3

• Remove "ums"

#4

• bit boring tonality

#5

• more normal conversation and natural
• lot of "likes"
• better tonality
• good we frame
• when asking a question, don't answer it for the girl
• Bit too over-excited for not important things

#6

• "I travel a lot"-> going into where she traveled isnt' as good because it's a bit strange that early->instead should ask whether it helped her maintain innocence or good vibes
• Decent we frames
• "I'm already super buff and super beautiful" -> should respond "aw you're adorable" instead of not replying

#7

• Good job locking self in
• Good tonality
• Decent conversation
• Need to simplify conversation further, as Hector says, "dumb it down"
• Some man to woman
• Handle age a bit better
• Conversation grows boring, but good job bringing it lighter via situational

#8

• NO SORRY

#9

• Too many words on open

#10

• More oomph and power with conviction

#11

• Good space on the approach
• Should address her suspicion with a comfort frame of understanding what it's like for someone random to approach her

#12

• Too many words on approach

#13

• Don't self eject

#14

• Don't start with "Excuse me"

#15

• Too many words
• Speak louder
• When she laughs at something not funny, just give small smile, don't need to laugh with her
• Don't be intimidated by super attractive women
• Conversation brain went brrrrr
• Ask out even if everything goes wrong
• Don't self eject

#16

• Good tonality
• Lot of unnecessary words for statements
• Some fun sexualization
  • Overdone a bit

#17

• Louder
• Push for meeting for two minutes
• Don't self eject

#18

#19

• Pick better spots for opening
• Less crowds, better environmantal awareness

 

[Kvothe]

Approach Notes
Overall notes: conversation still boring-and still using too many words/fumbling over words
Slow down, but at the same time be natural

#1

• From Mexico is enough-don't need to dive into where in country
• Don't answer questions for her
• Goodbye was a bit odd
• Instant date ask needs to be stronger

#2

• Too apologetic/not owning my conversation
• Make statements and tease-don't apologize for them ahead of time

#3

• Cut the "uh"

#4

• If girl has boyfriend don't play the disappointed card, it's silly

#5

• Don't start with "excuse me"

#6

• Good open
• Don't ask questions on obvious things that are true "was it fun" when it was obviously fun
• "Would you be down to grab a glass of wine" -> "Let's grab a glass of wine and get to know each other" (stronger frame, less chasing)
• "Don't reflect badly on me"/"I don't reflect badly on them" is not good line, better is to do some cocky like "oh so you have a thing for confident techies"
• Boring conversation about LA, but good tonality made it okay

#7

• Boring questions, her tonality is bored
• She teases me, saying I seem "self absorbed and stylish"-I should have teased her back
• Don't call from her phone-seems unnecessary-have her message me

#8

• Good hand hold
• Conversation boring
• Good job clarifying on why she isn't free
• Should still push on why it's disrespectful

#9

• Don't feel butthurt by a girl laughing-probably says more about her than about me

 

[Kvothe]

Approach Notes
Overall notes:

• Feeling gloomy/down-unclear reasons
• Low momentum
• Sexual vibe nonexistent
• Sad puppy energy

#1

• Don't start with "excuse me"

#2

• Don't start with "excuse me"
• Can go walk a block

#3

• No "uh" after "hey"
• Good tease on her running
• No need to go into the deep of why I don't have IG unless she asks

#4

• Don't start with "excuse me"

#5

• Don't self eject from girls who are into you
• Better conversation than "what type of gym class"-or make a cold read after or something-even something dumb like "you know what they say about girls who gym in the evening? They're not morning people"

#6

• No "excuse me" start

#7

• No "excuse me"
• Make a cold read about the type of girl she is instead of asking her about her vibe what her nails signify
• Avoid logical conversation about the animation software-though I think I actually did well connecting it back to emotion while still offering some familiarity with things she cares about
• Don't self eject

#8

• Decent conversation
• She is the one who is qualifying instead of me
• Smooth ask out
• Nice man to woman with "star crossed lover"
• Should be more regretful when denying her ask for me to join her-otherwise comes across as a rejection of her
• She is still a bit formal, need to tease her a bit/be the one qualifying
• Need better tonality
• Too friendly vibes-need some better teasing

#9

• Own the approach like a man

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Approach Notes
Overall notes:

• Feeling gloomy/down-unclear reasons
• Low momentum
• Sexual vibe nonexistent
• Sad puppy energy

#1

• Don't start with "excuse me"

#2

• Don't start with "excuse me"
• Can go walk a block

#3

• No "uh" after "hey"
• Good tease on her running
• No need to go into the deep of why I don't have IG unless she asks

#4

• Don't start with "excuse me"

#5

• Don't self eject from girls who are into you
• Better conversation than "what type of gym class"-or make a cold read after or something-even something dumb like "you know what they say about girls who gym in the evening? They're not morning people"

#6

• No "excuse me" start

#7

• No "excuse me"
• Make a cold read about the type of girl she is instead of asking her about her vibe what her nails signify
• Avoid logical conversation about the animation software-though I think I actually did well connecting it back to emotion while still offering some familiarity with things she cares about
• Don't self eject

#8

• Decent conversation
• She is the one who is qualifying instead of me
• Smooth ask out
• Nice man to woman with "star crossed lover"
• Should be more regretful when denying her ask for me to join her-otherwise comes across as a rejection of her
• She is still a bit formal, need to tease her a bit/be the one qualifying
• Need better tonality
• Too friendly vibes-need some better teasing

#9

• Own the approach like a man

Dude I love your analytic, systematic approach. It's inspiring. Treating it like an exercise would help me overcome my social anxiety.

 

[Kvothe]

Approach Notes
General

• Goal was excitement on approach-kinda failed, but general vibe was improved
• Failed to open with "hey" and avoid excuse me

#1

• Still apologetic on date invite
• Slower speech, simpler
• Focus on more sexual

#2

• Seems non-genuine
• Kind of insulting? Be more teasing/challenging
• Don't self eject

#3

• Be more commanding-demand the full attention of the girl on the open
• Too agreeable/letting girl lead-is why girl says I'm "sweet"

#4

• Be stronger (couldn't really hear)

#5

• She shows interest off the bat
• Some chasing behavior, but she matches-mostly chasing tonality
• Initially too agreeable on saying her hair looked nice after she self deprecated, then teased so probably should have skipped first-but also since she was giving interest maybe is okay
• Good job letting her talk
• She gives days free, but I don't jump on it fast enough-should have seemed more warm
• She still has lead in terms of dictating-need to be stronger in how I do that

 

[Kvothe]

May Goals

• Become someone who approaches all the time because they love it
• Become someone who enjoys taking risks with women and teasing them
• Become someone who enjoys tension and staying in set with women until the close/rejection
• Become someone confident in the approach and who knows they are adding value to the world for doing the approach
• Become someone who communicates stoicly
• Become someone who is expressive in their tonality

 

[Kvothe]

5/2 approaches

General notes:

• Initial "hey" has this tonality that just doesn't have the right energy behind it-almost seems shy/reserved/unconfident/hesitant

#1

• No starting with "excuse me"
• Too soft-be LOUD

#2

• Tonality/excitement-this girl is super cute-let that energy infuse you!

#3

• Tonality!
• My energy needs to be higher to jog these girls out of autopilot and excite them
• Mirror neurons!

#4

• Better energy to pop out of autopilot
• Feel the sexuality and masculinity is best way to describe it-currently the wrong energy is infusing

#5

#6

#7

• Too complimentary
• Too much energy post the initial open
• No challenge
• Talk more simply
• Talk louder
• Using golden question would be useful
• Use listing when different options
• Talk more simply
• Better more grounded tonality
• Still rusty, but shouldn't feel forced
• On the close, suggest-don't ask
• Too energetic, more stoic needed-playful doesn't mean dancing monkey
• She does fall into some qualifying-so she liked me
• Exit was forced and fast-slow down

#8

• Kind of boring-but with tonality could have been better
• Good job teasing a little and adding man to woman

#9

• Better tonality on hey, but still too questioning
• Good job on hooking via story
• Let her talk-don't need to use crazy verbals
• Should use golden question to transition to good topics from boring stuff
• Repeat questions
• Good job persisting through objection of having just gotten out of relationship
  • What's the best way to handle this objection?
    • Pace: yeah it's always good to take a bit of time to rediscover yourself
    • Lead: and one thing I've noticed is that one of the best ways to learn about yourself is through other people, learning what you like, what you don't, and some things you didn't even know existed
• Leave the questions unanswered-don't answer for her

#10

• Don't start with "excuse me"
• Terrible tease trying to make a sexual joke on a girl who was extremely interested/intrigued-don't be crass

#11

#12

#13

#14

#15

• Good job leading her to walk using just nonverbals
• Girl really never hooked or started adding to conversation

#16

• Good vibes
• Conversation went boring and too much facts

#17

• Repeat over and over-bad
• Calm down and focus on normal conversation
• Don't go apologetic

#18

• Very unenergetic "hey"
• Just a lot of strange unconnected thoughts-be clear even while being interesting

#19

• Vibe is too friendly
• Don't react so much-STOIC
• Girl is being playful and I'm not reacting well off that-be more playful back

#20

#21

• Girl is super confident and grabs frame
• "I'm kinda seeing someone"-"This is NYC everyone is seeing someone-doesn't mean you can't get to know someone new"
• Good opportunity for sexual direct here
• Call out her silly joke as silly and tease her for that

#22

• Good cold reads
• Speak louder

#23

#24

#25

 

[Kvothe]

Notes from @Skippy

• Tend to increase banter and vibe after number closing
• Tend to rush speech at places
• Sometimes quick to continue conversation instead of pausing which has effect like seeming like think conversation can have awkward silences

 

[Kvothe]

Had an instant date today. There were various moments for stronger sexualization than what I did.

Main one I can think of was when she was disagreeing with me trying to offer a fun olive branch, I should have pulled her close and told her:

Me: You know, you're being pretty disagreeable (with a smile)... you know what I do with girls like that
Her: What?
Me: <Giving her a light spank on the butt> A light spank on the butt until they start being nice again

Also she was going to meet her friends and I suggested we grab a drink right now and so she had 40 minutes. I went, but her phone died, so I should have used that to suggest it as a sign that she ditch her friends and spend more time with me, especially because she had even the perfect excuse.

 

[Kvothe]

Very frustrating few days.

Things to focus on-dial down the effort, while keeping interestingness high, and interest balanced.

So cut down words, allow emptiness to fill the space.

Also one thing I noticed, she tells me something that implies she likes traveling or is creative, and I just say "oh so you like traveling", or "oh so you're creative". Should instead swap those into cold reads. "I bet you have a flight booked to Tahiti this weekend", or "I bet you only can get work done on an messy desk".

 

[Kvothe]

Pretty heavily focused on some inner game stuff at the moment. Remembering the meta frame that women love sex and that my approaching her is hugely value providing.

Similarly that while girls love sex, they love sex with dominant and masculine men, who are unapologetic. These need to be internalized to stop the pussyfooting I'm doing on the approach. That is not giving a girl value, it is taking.

Fucking a girl silly is not value-taking, it is the highest possible value provide you can do.

Also to have fun and cut myself some slack. Perfection is the enemy of progress.

 

[Kvothe]

AA still very strong.

Working to find the joy in approaching, and felt it on two days.

Recorded the various AA thoughts I have had on different days

• She's not attractive enough
• She's too attractive
• She looks too young
• I don't feel attractive enough to approach right now
• It's too crowded
• There are too many people watching
• There are too few people
• I feel so emotionally negative that I expect her to reject me so it doesn't make sense to approach

Mentally, I would say I'm not in a good place. But I don't think I've been in a good place mentally for a while.

Personal-wise, I'm meditating, working out HARD, and eating extremely clean. So I'm definitely feeling confident in my ability to achieve my goals. Just a mixture of loneliness, negative self-talk, and spiraling.

Been playing the 5 minute approach game to reduce my fear, and practice the ability to approach without hesitating. Reducing hesitation seems strongly correlated with a better approach for me.

Had a date on Wednesday but the girl was visiting, a virgin, and conservative. Will go over with Hector to see if I improved on the "dead inside" vibe that I give off to him.

Have another date Sunday that I will improve on from the date after reviewing with Hector.

 

[Bob Z]

I'm sure you'll get back in the swing of things man. I loved hearing your podcast with Chase and the ups and downs you had in your journey - was definitely useful for me to here considering I'm finally getting into cold approach after dabbling for years.

I know what its like to be in bad spot mentally and I admire your dedication to getting out of it. You don't need to respond if you don't think it would help you, but I wonder whether you feel like you have strong purpose outside of pickup and self-improvement (fitness/meditation)? You mentioned meditating - do you follow a religion or are you into buddhism/eastern thought?

I found listening to audio recordings of certain eastern-type "spiritual" teachers and reading this type of text (books, discourses etc) was a lot more beneficial than meditation alone - and I meditated 30 mins+ everyday for 5 years straight - didn't reach any breakthroughs in terms of peace of mind until I found the right teacher(s) for me and immersed myself in their work. I think I remember seeing somewhere that Hector has a lot of knowledge on this type of stuff.

Best of luck! I'm pulling for you - only a matter of time until you're back on top of the game!

 

[Kvothe]

Was on a two week break due to other priorities. Felt relaxing to focus on other things (and honestly just jack off a lot). But hunger is building and I want a real woman.

 

[Kvothe]

play to win play to win play to win

Play to Win

I was just playing a computer game, this combination zombie / Sim City style game called Rebuild, where you try to expand your city while at the same time keep your defenses up to guard against sporadic zombie attacks that you can't predict and don't know when will strike. I am pretty swamped...

www.girlschase.com

 

[Kvothe]

Been ridiculously busy for the last month but have two weeks now to game before another 3 week pause. Then I finally get to devote a lot of energy back to this space.

While out I was focusing a lot on peripherals, as well as working out. Avoiding "scanning" and not checking out girls as I walked, but still trying to attune to my externals and raise my awareness radius. A surprisingly good way for me to train that has been the gym, where I can focus on a specific point, while trying to focus on what's going on in my peripheral vision.

Overall, I'm noticing a less needy vibe emanating from myself. I've been working out a lot, and am feeling like I'll finally hit my fitness goals this year after a long period of ill health. I'm just coming out of a 3 year soul sucking, heavily intellectually taxing endeavor, and feel a huge sense of looming accomplishment and freedom. I also was thinking a lot-personal losses and such.

The importance of desiring a woman, but being free from needing her. I was able to feel that emotion at a specific point and felt that I understood what it meant. The understanding that I have been negative in my life, and selfish, and a desire to change and grow and become a source of light. Good role models all around helping inspire me and pushing me to grow and not to wallow in my own pity party.

I want to continue to grow my sexual appetite, and encourage that instinctual desire within myself. So I want to be someone who follows their gut more heavily-noticing when I'm holding myself back because of fear, or hesitation, and being courageous enough to overcome it, take risks, make mistakes.

Lots of reading. Noting how entrepreneurs who strive to be perfect almost always fail. Those that strive to find market fit are more likely to succeed. Thinking a lot on my own lack of confrontation, and past experiences where I've let myself be stepped on. But not bitter about it. More a peace that to set my own boundaries, to be a person that expects, deserves, and (smoothly) demands respect is important to me.

I feel more centered, more accepting of my own flaws, and more in control of my destiny than I have in a long, long time.

---

One approach yesterday. Very smooth open, and good energy/tonality. Straightforward conversation, with dominant presence, but my gut says I could have pushed it more given her compliance. A small hand hold and a hug at the end. Seeing her tomorrow for a date, which I'll probably two date model since I have an social engagement later in the night. Seeing a lot of attention from women towards me, so need to step into true action taking mode while still being a person who is unfazed. "Life's an adventure, and I hope this girl adds to my experience, but it's no big deal or skin off my back if she blows me off."

Equanimity is a good word to describe the feeling.