Friday did one approach. It turns out I had previously approached this girl. I should have told her I did remember, but I played it off as having forgotten her name. I also should have said that at least I was consistent and had good taste. She left pretty quickly which was a bummer.
Today did about 7 approaches. Most of them I went in and gave the compliment, then bounced when I saw that the girl wasn't too receptive. I should not do this, I should try to keep pushing unless she clearly wants me to leave. This way I can get girls who are more "yellow".
I did get two numbers from girls. The first I stopped her and told her I thought she was really cute. My conversational skill was rusty, but my vibe was good. It felt kind of interviewy with me asking her questions. Found out she worked here in the city and was originally from New Orleans. Worked there as a teacher before changing jobs because she hated it. Now she's in something else.
Second girl was better. Told her I liked her style and traded some words. I ran out of things to say in like 5 seconds, so I told her that I was just walking and her coat stood out to me in the dreary weather. She told me she was in design, and that she was off to a writing class. I told her that she didn't strike me as a writer. I could have made the interaction so much better by following that with "you just struck me as the type of girl who likes moving around a lot and is more energetic" with a smile. This would have been great. Except instead I followed it lamely with a non-reason for why I thought so, but that I thought it was cool for people to reach outside their normal routines (except even worse than that). I asked her what sort of story it would be, then joked saying she'd be writing about living in a big city and meeting all sorts of interesting and strange individuals. Asked her to grab drinks and she seemed down, but we'll see.
So met this girl yesterday, she responded to my first message saying she'd be happy to grab drinks. I set it up for today. She actually was initially not free, but shifted her schedule so she could be (lots of initial interest from her). We met at my usual bar, and she was pretty late...
Went out in the evening to day game, but was freezing and could not do any approaches.
Went out at night with my roommate. He recently discovered GC, so I'm excited to start going out with him.
First bar we went to no one was there. Just drank a little and then moved on. Did the same thing at another bar. Eventually went to one spot. Did a short approach, was fully rusty, so it was a super boring conversation. Basically an interview.
We went to another bar nearby. As we were entering this asian girl started talking to me, but I got distracted and lost her. My roommate was interested in a girl, so I gave him my drink, and told him to say hi. She had been eyeballing him, so he decided to approach. I used the bathroom, then went to my roommate. He had approached, and I introduced myself. Started talking and was a little too talkative potentially. Honestly, my roommate and I realized midway that we were interested in each other's girl, but could not communicate that we wanted to switch. The girls left, but it was still cool.
My roommate went to use the bathroom before we left to another bar. I noticed a girl looking at me, so I smiled at her and she smiled back. Went up to her and just said hi. She introduced herself to me, and told me she was heading to another bar. She gave me the name, and said I should come there. I said I had one other guy with me, and asked if there was room in the uber. There wasn't. Next time, I'll just ditch any friends. Talked tot he girl, grabbed her number, and said we'd try to meet later. Number was fake unfortunately I think. Lesson is that I should seize the moment.
We went to another bar, and there was a girl in a short red dress, and she stared at me as I entered. I ordered a drink, then while it was coming, approached. Told her she looked fucking stunning. She said you too, and I started talking. I tried moving her and her friend wayyyy too fast though. Not enough comfort was built, so she and the friend declined, saying they'd come by later. Obviously later never came. I ran into her later and tried talking, but the window had closed. On the bright side, I'd rather lose a girl to moving too fast than too slowly.
My roommate saw a girl he was interested in. I was feeling extremely confident by this point, so I just opened her and was received really well. Introduced my roommate to her, and met the girl's friend. Was able to hold my own in the sarcasm department. The girl told me she wanted to give me her number, so I got it, but I wasn't too attracted, so no plans to text.
Overall, solid night. I'm feeling so fucking attractive right now, so I expect some fun times coming up.
So yesterday night was much less exciting than Friday night. Went out solo, and was having a real hard time opening girls. Cold weather combined with feeling shitty about my failed date on Wednesday added to that. Went through my routine of grooming, and meditated for 5 minutes before heading out around 10:30.
First three bars, almost every girl has a guy or is in a large group of girls. I basically spend 45 minutes walking to a bar where I can talk to girls. Order a drink, and feel totally shitty and out of place. I finally see one cute girl in line at the bathroom, and I open by saying, "I honestly don't have anything better to say than hi, but I wanted to meet you", yuck. I talked for a few minutes, but my vibe is utter trash. Boring, and I can tell she's being nice because she probably tells I'm feeling shitty, but I just bounce quickly. I open another girl while I'm in line for the bathroom a little later, and she seems warmer, but not interested. Conversation was boring, and she closed off from me. Finally, saw a girl sitting next to her friends at the bar, but she was on her phone. Tried opening, but was too low energy and she quickly ignored me. At this point, it was close to 12, and no new girls were at this bar so I bounced. Tried stopping by a few bars on the way, but was feeling really shitty, and couldn't open anyone. Ended up going home and jacking off by 1.
Complete 180 from how I felt on Friday, but I guess that's normal. I won't feel amazing every day, and as a result I won't have that charisma either every day. Need to work on state independence, and not letting one failure affect me so heavily.
On the positive, I went out by myself, and even if I failed miserably, at least I tried opening and having some interactions. Better than if I'd stayed at home playing video games all night.
Today I wanted to meet upwards of 30 girls, but managed only 2 approaches. For the most part, there just weren't any cute girls where I was walking. I am thinking this might be attributed to it being a long weekend, so people might be chilling indoors or doing day drinking elsewhere.
First approach I saw a girl in a bright orange topcoat. Complimented her on it. She also had startlingly beautiful eyes. I should have said, "honestly the only thing more striking than your coat are your eyes". Her friend sort of tapped her (I hadn't noticed a friend), but the girl seemed hesitant to leave. I think if I'd given that compliment, and had a less dour vibe, I could've had a quick number swap.
Second approach, saw a girl walking quickly. I told her she was dressed incredibly stylishly. She was in a super rush though, late for a meeting. I don't know what I could have done sprezzatura-wise. I think I should have caught up with her and tried walking in her direction and tried for a quick number grab.
6 approaches today. Vibe was okay but not stellar. Think I need to try a new outfit also, this look is getting stale.
Honestly no particular girl stood out that I can take too many lessons from. They all seemed uninterested off the bat, so I exited really quickly. The main thing is I did the approaches and building momentum back up.
Did 7 approaches today. First 5 I belted out in 30 minutes. Super happy with my decisiveness here. Overall the first three approaches were good, and the fourth and fifth were not as good. Got two numbers and was more pushy/persistent. Had a coaching session afterwards, and can me up with some new exercises. First is to show more intent, Second to persist through three rejections before ejecting, and to ask for more compliance.
So I was doing night game at a new venue on Thursday night. Was out with a wing, and we were doing our usual warm up of premise/sex jokes/sex talk stack to get into the groove. He approaches two girls, saying they look "absolutely adorable". They eat it up and are super into him, flirting and...
Went out yesterday night. Joined in on two approaches and approached a two-girl set. First one was bad, but due to being far from the rest of the group. Main thing was I was out with @Grand Pooba and he called me his client, to which I said that he was my pimp, which was pretty funny and a good sexual humor joke. Next one, he and my roommate started talking to two girls, while the third member of the group was getting drinks. I asked her if she was the mother hen. Talked a bit, and set a little bit of premise. One of the three girls wasn't too into us, so she bounced and pulled the rest of the girls away. Besides that, it seemed like it could have been a good lead.
Last girl I saw wearing tiger stripes, so I said she looked fierce, and that I had a thing for tigers. She was throwing a lot of shit tests at me, but I was able to deal with them pretty well, and there was some solid low key incidental touch happening. Unfortunately, my roommate tried to isolate them too early, so it went dead. I should have tried recovering by telling my girl to get her drink, and then we could grab a seat somewhere else.
Did two approaches today. Neither was that good. First one I forgot to persist three times, but I did that on the second one, and might have had a better reaction with a more energetic vibe.
First one I told her she was cute. She seemed uninterested, and wasn't really feeding me back questions. Should have added some premise, but just grabbed her number and told her she seemed interesting.
Second girl was walking back and I ran to her and told her I thought she looked amazing. She seemed surprised and kept backing up away from me. I thought she didn't like me, but I had some fun conversation. She said she wasn't looking for a relationship, and I said it was just a drink. Was suggested that I should have said, "That's awesome, I'm a fucking terrible boyfriend", which would have been a solid boyfriend disqualifier. Talked a bit more, and then she suddenly said bye and left. I thought I'd lost her for sure, but she replied to me saying she was feeling unwell. She's going to Tel Aviv, but she suggested grabbing the drinks on her own initiative. Will try for next week.
Some issues going on at home, so will be traveling to CA until Sunday, so approaching will be on pause for a bit.
Did 5 approaches today. Good news is my vibe was pretty solid and I persisted, though not as much as I could have. I feel more comfortable doing it. Also voice, and style were good. Haven't approached in a few days, so today was mainly a warm up.
Solid day today, did 9 approaches, and got two numbers of the last one. Before that, I was blown off the bat from the very beginning of each interaction. I was almost ready to call it quits and go home, but decided to walk back, and just approach if I felt like it.
Saw a girl crossing the street, and I caught up with her, opened from the side. Talked a bit, and she seemed hesitant, then when I tried to continue, told me to give her my number, which I couldn't get out of, so I did. Continued talking to her while doing so, first told her to wait for a second since I was going a different direction, and then had her show me a picture of her dog, which caused us to have some incidental touch. She also wasn't down to shake hands, due to coronavirus LOL, so I did a foot shake because I saw videos online about it. Overall, it was solid because of a lot of compliance. Told her to quickly cross the street with me, and guided her by holding her arm. Overall it was good, she's a journalism major, and got a new puppy a few weeks ago. She made a joke that she'll be on TV soon, so I said I'm glad I caught her before she became too good for me (I think there's a better frame here, but need to figure it out). Maybe, "I bet that get all the boys intimidated", then laugh to show I mean it as a joke. After a while, she told me she'll definitely text me, and that she doesn't think I'm strange at all. She's from upstate too.
Last girl, I saw walking towards me, I stop her as she's coming to me, while I'm in front of her, and just tell her she looks amazing. Conversation was a little dry, she's either in med school or a pre-med, I can't remember, and from upstate NY about 5 hours away. Her friends passed by as we were talking, and she just waved hi at them and continued talking to me. I told her we should grab drinks, and she gave me her number. Talked a little bit more and told her a bunch of my friends were taking the same path, then wished her well.
First girl messaged me, which I'm happy about. Second girl replied to me and instigated getting drinks, so I think she's really interested. Got a date tomorrow with the flight attendant who isn't looking for a relationship.
2020 Totals (Day 64/366):
Times been approached: 1
Approaches: 113
Numbers: 14
Dates: 2
Kisses: 2
So the game begins anew. It's been one year since I was last in the field. After the worst year of my life (personally, and sexually), this new one can only go up.
The negatives of the past year are immense and immeasurable, personally, and are shared by many others.
There were some positives to this year though. I was able to bulk up and gain new muscle, and am now filling in jackets that had previously worn me. With that bulk came some fat, but I expect to trim the excess within two months. I also had the opportunity to read from some inspiring newcomers, and from older veterans, which opened up the possibilities to new styles of game I had previously chosen not to pursue.
I'm back in NYC, with a new lease in a logistically superb location. I expect bars will open up in the summer, and this place is about 2 minutes from everything. It's exciting. But bars aren't in the picture right now, so day game will continue to reign supreme for me. Amid the chaos of setting up my new life, I was able to stroll about the streets, and I'm routinely breathless at how beautiful the feminine form is.
Listing out my weekly goals here:
First indirect day game stationary approach
First indirect day game moving approach
Get back into it
The above correlates with a desire to learn and practice a more indirect style of game. To that extent, I've been following threads and articles to help me improve in those areas. After spending most of today reading theory, I feel overinundated with information, so the next step is to practice.
Let's call this the start of Chapter Two of the Ladykiller Chronicles.
Preface: I'm going to apologize in advance if I've screwed up RPOs in my examples. I'm still new at them and trying to learn their nuances.
The day started out full of hope and excitement. Thoughts of RPOs and bringing girls to the intimate coffee shop right next to my apartment, then casually suggesting helping me decorate the new apartment with paintings leading from one thing to another. But that is for another day.
Today, ambitious hopes were met by irrational fear. I hate approach anxiety. Aside from sexual tension, AA is my biggest hurdle, and there's nothing like taking a year off to fall under AA's thumb. But beating myself up isn't useful. Tomorrow, I'll do better, and I did do an approach, even if it was terrible.
So the goal for today's journal is to track the 5 different girls who were approachable, but who I didn't approach out of fear, and to write up the openers and strategies I should have used.
I wore an outfit I like, a Guess canvas military style peacoat on a white T-shirt with a red/black patterned scarf on dark wash slim fitting jeans. Tying it together were my favorite pair of black chelsea boots. And a white non-medical mask.
#1 Red-head stopped on the sidewalk
I was walking out of my apartment and had been walking around for a bit. I crossed onto one of the main streets. I was focusing on indirect stationary approaches. I saw this tall, red haired beauty standing in a long brown puffy jacket. Wearing a white mask, I could still make out her light colored eyes. Thinking back on what I'd read, I walked in front of her with good posture. And then nothing. I knew what I wanted to say, but nothing came out. The traffic light shifted and she walked forward, and I walked too. And then we reached another stop, and I did the same thing, and this time I eyed her out of the corner of my eyes. I notice a bus coming and follow it with my eyes, as hers do too. That could have been an opportunity to make eye contact.
The opener that I want to play around with is as follows:
Hey, I've just noticed something really... exciting happening to the city...
Like, have you noticed how it's as if everyone is waking up from a long hibernation... and rediscovering how joyful being truly alive can feel? It's that feeling that any moment can take you up... and bring you on an adventure, if you're curious enough to seize it.
Depending on response I think I could follow up with an assumption about her
Yeah, you seem like the type who gets it. You seem like the type to feel the energy and seize the moments that come your way... The potential for any day... to become amazing in an instant.
I'm still trying to work through the above. Something about it feels off, and I worry that it's too long-winded for a sidewalk approach for a girl on the go. But this is new material to me, and I expect to learn to trial and error, while slowly refining the technique by rereading articles on RPOs.
#2 Girl who locks onto my eyes hard
I'm walking down the street, focusing on not shifting my head as I use my eyes to gaze from side to side. I notice a girl come walking towards me, and I feel an urge to look at her. Normally I do look at girls first, but I'm trying to improve and use peripherals to notice girls. I gaze at her, and notice her eyes lasered on me. I'm surprised, and miss any opportunity to stop her and talk. I notice that I have a habit of opening my eyes really wide as a reaction to catching a girl looking at me. It's a side effect of fear/shame I expect, and is something I'll need to work on.
The approach I should have gone with: when I notice her eyes, stop walking, lift a hand so she realizes I'm talking to her, then:
Hey, I have an important question I want to ask you. I've just recently started noticing it... but does the city feel as if... it's waking up from a long hibernation... and we are slowly rediscovering the joys of being truly awake again?
#3 Asian girl in wine store
I realize that even if I bring a girl home, I have nothing I can offer her, no refreshments, no libations. So I stop by a local wine shop, and see a very pretty asian girl in slightly hipster fashion (bell bottom light blue jeans, oversized jacket) perusing the wines. She doesn't look to be in a hurry. I go through the mental preparation of approaching, and even sidle up close to her, as if looking at the wines. The opportunity to open was simple and there, I should have taken it.
Opener that could have been used:
You know, I've realized something truly fascinating about wines... They're remarkably similar to people... each bottle is dressed up differently... but without that dressing, most bottles would probably be viewed as the same... But then the real magic and understanding would happen upon even further exploration... amidst the tastes and scents of each individual flavor.
I have thoughts on this. On one hand, it feels strong to me, because it talks about the nature of the individual and connection through the subject of wine. But on the other, it feels long and potentially strange to open with. I'm tempted to add this at the end too:
Sometimes I wonder whether the wines are really searching for the people... who truly understand their flavor and scents, and are desperately hoping to connect with those specific buyers, so they can feel appreciated for who they are.
I don't know, but I think this one has potential. Obviously I'll have to get to a point of trying it out and making mistakes to see whether I can see results.
#4 Asian girl walking out of grocery store
I'm walking to a grocery store, and notice a giant line out the door. COVID capacity limits. Bummer. I walk forward, and notice a remarkably pretty, dark haired asian girl walk past, holding a bag from the grocery store. I think about following her and getting in front of her at a stop, but then second guess myself and walk in the other direction. Then I change my mind again (notice a pattern) and turn around, and notice she'd been standing somewhere waiting for a light to turn. Another missed opportunity. I follow from behind for a bit, hoping we'll reach another spot where she'll stop, but she eventually turns, and I'm forced to walk past her, as I was worried it would look like I was following her (irrational fears poison my goals yet again). I turn around for one last glance and see her standing still, waiting in the middle of a park. 3rd time missed opportunity is the charm.
I think there were a couple of ways I could have approached. Had I stopped with her right as she was exiting the store, I could have done this:
Hey, I noticed something interesting... while seeing everyone standing in line for the grocery store. There are so many other options available... yet we gather at the one that makes us feel the most... safe and understood... that provides us the most comfort when we need it the most. I'm not sure if that's something you can get from any random chain superstore.
I just thought of that off the top of my head. I think it does follow a RPO template, where I talk about the clearly long lines at the store, and then connect it back to a deeper emotion. But my unfamiliarity makes me feel unsure on its strength/utility.
If I had stopped her at the second spot, far away from the grocery store, I probably would have gone with the opener from #1
#5 Mmmm deez raw nuts
I had to pause my walk to go pick up furniture for the new place, but went to the grocery store to pick up some brazil nuts. In the store I found the nuts, with two varieties: raw, and not raw. I have no idea what the difference is. At this point, I also have not approached a girl, and am worried I won't meet my goal I had set for the day.
Then a cute blond girl with cute looking eyes pops next to me, eyeing the nuts. So, abandoning all nuance of an RPO, I blurt out a fully indirect, zero-intent laden opener.
Hey, do you know what the difference is between raw and not raw brazil nuts?
*Headslap*
She's remarkably warm for how shitty the opener is, and I can see the crow's feet of the smile in her eyes as I joke that I have no idea what the difference is. I have zero follow through, and walk away from her, left only with thoughts of what could have been.
While I would have preferred to do something better than the above, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. The important thing on day 1 is talking to a girl, some action is still better than no action. Improvements can be made here.
How could the above be improved? I'm going to do a quick exercise to try and improve the opening, staying within the confines of asking some variation on what the difference between raw and not-raw nuts.
Improvement 1: Speaker-centered opener
Hey, I've always wondered what the difference between raw, and not raw nuts are. It seems like such an... arbitrary distinction.
Mildly better.
Improvement 2: Add in a reality pace
Hey, you know, I always come shopping here for food, but always struggle deciding between two... identical seeming options. Do you ever have that issue?
Improvement 3: Add something more deep
Hey, I just noticed something fascinating about these nuts... At first glance... it almost feels like the distinction between raw nuts and not raw nuts is... arbitrary... but I realize that's not really what it's about. It's about the joy of savoring something that came from a tree... somewhere exotic... and far away... that hasn't been changed on it's journey at all, versus the enjoyment of something that took... more effort and cultivation to create... and embraced change along the way to become something different...
I'm not sure whether I achieved the goal I set out of making this an opener that could actually be used, but the process for improving a shitty opener to something that could actually generate some feelings is an exercise I think will be valuable. And as I still grapple with the terrors of approach anxiety, these exercises will hopefully allow me to become faster at thinking of something in the moment when I need to be creative on the fly.
I want to close out this entry talking about some of the fears I had while approaching today, to figure out the root causes.
Fear #1: I'll look stupid
Retort: Probably, but through looking stupid, you'll improve and get better
Fear #2: Indirect approaching makes me feel very uncomfortable?
Why?
It seems like it takes such a long time, that the girl would just bounce rather than stay and listen to the whole thing
Retort: this is valid, I don't have an answer for how to deal with girls on the go, other than to ask two things. First, would there be any difference if she were busy and you did a direct approach? Probably not. Second, you're totally new to this, and haven't tried anything yet. You can iterate and find ways to streamline the openers for more high pressure situations.
Fear #3: I look like I'm following the girl
Retort: Spend less time thinking. Albeit indirect does result in more time spent overthinking, but this is something I have to become more comfortable with.
Fear #4: I'll spend the entire time walking, and she'll never become stationary
Retort: yes, I need a strategy to deal with this, but deal with lower hanging fruit first.
