A Hunter's Journey

[Beck Bass]

Oh shit, I need to get this out of my system.

So green eyed girl agreed to go on a date with me, today at night, on a bar close to us and the club we met in (she lives relatively near me).
During the day, for some reason, I was feeling pretty confident we would at least get on with the date, maybe because the way she said she was free today sounded excited to me, like her saying let's do this, I wanna do this.

Anyway she texts me before I even text her. I was at work around 5PM on a meeting, and she asks me if the date still on for today.
I confirm it's on and she seems happy about it, ok, that's great.
Then I'm thinking, man, she doesn't even know I have a girlfriend, hopefully this doesn't come up...

I mean, we were texting, and she said I was "too mysterious", that she was afraid because she knew little about me, that maybe I could steal her organs, "or worse, be married". I was like, oh shit, I'm not married, just on an open-ish relationship, so no harm no foul, right?

Anyway, I'm finishing my day of work and getting into the shower to get ready for the date, that was supposed to be in an hour, and she texts me:

"Beck, sooo"
"do you have a girlfriend? lol"

And I'm like, oh shit, why the fuck would she ask me this now? Like oooh my Goooood. I just went straight into the shower to cool my head.
I generally answered texts quite fast and she did as well, when she bothered to answer, so maybe me taking 20 minutes to answer didn't help my cause.
I was thinking in the shower and I was like, man, I can't lie to this girl. Like the reason I wanna bang her is because I want the best for both of us, plus I would probably feel quite dirty doing it. And on top of that, I'm thinking of that threesome, so if she agrees with banging me even if I have a girl, she likely would give it a shot, right?

Anyway, I don't wanna shock her with the cold water on her face right away, but I don't quite know how to say it, so I text her:
"lol why are you asking me this now?"
And she went:
"huh by that answer..."

At this point it's like 6:30 PM, and our date was supposed to be around 7, so I'm like, I got turn this around quick somehow. I guess that was also a mistake, maybe I should just take my time and explain to her as best as I can, anyway, that's what comes out:
"look, I rather talk about this in person"
After like 6 minutes of her not asnwering (she doesn't have the blue read stuff, but I would say she reads it quite quick):
"do you ask because you're looking for a boyfriend?"
She asnwers:
"??"
"nah lol"

Then, well, there's not much left to do, so I just go clean:
"I don't wanna lie to you, well, i do have a girlfriend"
"but we have an open relationship and she doesn't mind me seeing other girls"
"I would rather talk in person"
"but you do have the right to know"
"I thought you were super cool and would love to see you again but I understand if you don't wanna"
"even if just friends, to talk" (dunno what I'm quite saying here, I'm trying to get her to go talk to me but kinda... dunno)
"But I do wanna know why would you ask this now"
"Was this a random guess?"
"Will you go out with me still?"

And she goes like:
"look, I went out with some people on open relationships"
"but they did tell me beforehand, and I think this is kinda important"
"I liked you and was excited to meet you"
"but I found that really sus"

Then I told her I couldn't quite feel when to say that. I mean, heck, we kissed at the club after staring at each others eyes for like 5 seconds, without exchanging a word (maybe our names beforehand, actually, but I asked her just for the heck of it lol). Then she was on her insta, and last girl I kissed that I followed on IG just ignored me forever, I mean, my first photo is this big ass photo with my girl. So I was like, this girl is gonna murder me lol, I better not get her insta, so I get her number instead. And from there I never say I had a girlfriend, I mean, she never asked, why would she? Anyway, dunno what I should have done, now I'll never know what could have happened have her seem my IG with my girl.

Anyway she basically implies I'm a sus cheater weird motherfucker without actually saying anything too bad about me, then says she can't go out with me, wishes me best of luck with my girl and send me kisses bye. I'm like wtf man, wtf.
I'm thinking like, ok she met this hot guy, they make out right away, the kiss is great, he takes her number, then he texts her in a non needy way, is patient with her since she doesn't have any fucking time for anything (I mean, I met this girl... almost 3 weeks ago, and only now were we going out), they schedule a date on a Wednesday... Oh wait, he has a girlfriend, right? This is too good to be true lol
Anyway I was thinking she really wanted a boyfriend but didn't want to admit it, I mean, why would she do that for me when I just "lead her on", this is why she went like "oh I understand it, I'm a cool girl, but now cyyya".

I texted her a bunch of stuff afterwards because I was feeling kinda bad, not gonna lie, I really liked this girl, thought we had something special, I think she did too, but then she asnwered just now. She says it's chill and maybe we can have a coffee sometime and talk, I'm like, ok, great. But she still like "oh next time just say that right away, ok?" and I'm like bitch I'm not that evil motherfucker ok, I was just... I don't know what I was doing, really.

But I guess if I'm really staying true to my girl, I need to tell those hoes right way what's up, just play the uphill game from the start... It sure makes things simpler.

I guess we'll see what happens next, my girl is back on Friday, honestly I'm missing her a lot, but I'm also super bummed out I didn't get to go out with this girl. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really made for monogamy (honestly I would like to have a bunch of girls waiting for me at home lol, my ex told me this was "childish", but later she told me she was being childish when she said that, that maybe some girls would be understanding, it's just that she wasn't).

 

[Beck Bass]

My girlfriend was back yesterday and she came straight up to meet me. She was looking a bit different, and I told her, and she was like "maybe it's my hair, Brasilia is really dry and my hair is acting weird" (she was on the country capital to get a visa to US faster, she got a trip to Disney from work). Soon I learned she was acting weird because she saw photos of me at the club Saturday, I was thinking like bitch why the duck would go see those photos, but she's saying shit like "you're cheating on me". First off I just made sure she knew I wasn't banging Asian girl, I mean, I don't even like this girl at this point, not even as a friend, my girl was like "I can't travel a weekend off and you go see her", then she's like oh you think you're single, going out, i was like man you were away, I was lonely and just wanted to have some fun...

So she's like weeeell, you gonna have to choose, you want me, or to be single. I take my time...

I seriously like this girl, but to be fair, I kinda like being single as well, like green eyed girl, wouldn't mind having had banged her Wednesday at all, and wouldn't mind banging some new girl this weekend as well... I tell her "I wanna be with you... but also, I wanna bang other girls", she's mad, I'm like, what's the problem with that, she tells me, well, no problem, until you give me some STD or something, I'm like, chill woman. I tell her she promised me a threesome, she's like, I "just said that in passing, when we were coming back", I'm biiitch you know you were leading me on, acting all cool and liberal and awesome (ofc I don't call her biiitch but you know), she goes kinda silent which shows me she knows what I'm talking about. I tell her, ok, I'm yours, but we are having that threesome, in September (BHRocker is coming here in Setember, she told me, if my girl wants I can bang them both, but I know I'm banging HBRocker), she's kinda skittish but she's half agreeing. I tell her, if we are having threesomes, I can bang other girls, isn't that right? Can't remember how she answered that. Anyway, I'm getting tired of all that drama and just wanna bang her, so I kiss her legs and tell her I love her, we have some sex after watching that boring ass movie Purple Hearts (told her the guy would die like 10 minutes into the movie, he died and she was like wow you're so smart, I'm like those movies are so predictable it's not even funny).

Anyway I wake up today, she didn't sleep over because her dog was alone (?), I'm kinda feeling like being single. Like I seriously like this girl, but it's always drama when it comes to other girls, I guess it can't be helped. Anyway I think she was over reacting a bit because she thought Asian girl might be stealing me from her, as if, the sex was so average (if not below) with Asian girl it was sad, she's also not the brightest cookie (no offense, but if a girl tells me she only listens to sad songs, like that's her entire preference on music, I can't think of her very highly). I did follow green eyed girl on IG and she followed me back, and I have like 60 people on my IG, so pretty sure my girl knows lmao, that could be part of it. Anyway, I think as long as she knows I love her she's chill, but it's been a bit tiring lately, like having this uphill battle to pick up girls because they have to know I have a girlfriend, apparently, and sometimes I wish I had more time for myself, if you know what I mean, can't get much done with her here every weekend, like I love her but sometimes it's too much, dunno.
That said, I could see myself with this girl for the rest of my life, I think she's dope. I was also talking to her about me having like 3 or 4 wifes lol, she was like "well as if you have the money for that", and I was like, is money the only problem? Then I'll sort it lol, I asked her if she thought I could handle 4 girls, she was like... hmm nah, but she was like legit thinking about it lol, I was laughing my ass off. I do have to say we have fun together, I'll have to think...

My friend that's living on another city is coming to mine this weekend, and will spend a whole weekend here, so part of me just like wanting to be single is so I can go out and go crazy with him making them girls chase. My girl asked me if I wanted "some time off", I was almost accepting hehe, but I really like this girl, I asked her if she wanted, and she was like, nah, but if you want, I was like, ok nah then, I want you woman. Honestly I dunno what I'm doing with my life, but I'll figure it out as I go.

 

[Railer]

"no problem, until you give me some STD or something"

"if you have the money for that"

Can't say I particularly like your girlfriend's remarks, but an entertaining read overall xD

Pretty much any girl will "agree to a threesome" ... then keep deferring it to "never", as she hopes you turn uninteresting to other girls while staying attractive to her. Chick-logic.

I haven't yet studied on how to introduce threesomes into an MLTR (pointers welcome), but at this stage in your relationship this article about The Talk should prove useful.

 

[Beck Bass]

I haven't yet studied on how to introduce threesomes into an MLTR (pointers welcome), but at this stage in your relationship this article about The Talk should prove useful.

Ooh nice, didn't knew there was an article series on this shit, iiiinteresting, will read

Can't say I particularly like your girlfriend's remarks

I know what you mean, but the voice tone she uses sure makes it seem less patronizing and silly to say this shit... Still pretty silly stuff, but I can show her wrong, make her a better woman, hopefully hehe

 

[Beck Bass]

Yesterday I shoot green eyed girl a message, during lunch, to see how she is.

She only answers me at night, I already expected this but I got kinda bummed out, yesterday was a bit of a shit day tbh.
She answers around 8PM, and I had just archieved her convo because I was talking to my girl on Whatsapp, and seeing the message I sent her not answered for the whole day wasn't exactly helping my mood. I only see her message around 10PM, I was also busy recording some stuff so maybe I wouldn't have answered earlier anyway.

She says she's well and asks me how I am. She also apologizes she took so long to answer, saying she was busy at work, saw my message but didn't had time to answer. I figure I would cut to the chase, so I tell her I knew it would have been better to message her at night, and it's alright, and that I'm waiting for that coffee.
She says she's free today, awesome! She asks me if it can be around 4PM, I tell her I'm working until 6, so 7? She agrees and tell me to forgive her because she forgets people don't have crazy schedules like her (since she's a med intern, she works at weekends and has weird days off and whatnot).
I'm excited, let's see what happens (if I can I'll pull, this girl is hawwt, but I'm fine with being friends with her, she's also super cool, why not both? lol). I'm a bit afraid though because we are going to this bar near the club, our plans from last week, and maybe some of my girlfriend's friends could be there, but I mean, it's Wednesday night and it's cold, I hope there won't be much people. Sometimes I feel like this city, as good looking as the girls are, is a bit small for my taste...

My girfriend helped me during the day, I was having some issues with my internet connection and she was already helping me look for another one, she really puts in some work for me, so I gotta reward her when I can. I hope her and the rest of the girls can all be friends, would be cool to have my little girl fanclub of the dope girls I shag, they are all smart beautiful women, so i figure they could get along well together. Gotta work on that harem like stuff (though I it's more like I have a queen and some other "concubines", atm at least). I feel like that threesome it's happening this year, feels good.

Work it's been kinda shit, I don't really enjoy what I do, and some of the people I work with as well, they have a bit of a shit attitude. I was thinking of leaving but I haven't had a vacation in more than 3 years at this point, I wanna visit Japan next year with my girl, spend 2 weeks there, and this job pays the bills. There's also the fact that I'm still finishing uni, there's like one class that is on the afternoon that I still need to get done, and this job allows me to have a bit of flexibility in this regard. It's not like a need a degree to work, I've been programming since I was 11 (I'm almost 27), and I can prove my worth, it's just that for jobs abroad it's almost mandatory a degree, from what I hear. Also, there's that part of me that just wants it to be done, I've been in this crap for almost 10 years now, including my engineering days, so I just wanna get my Computer Science degree and tell those stupid teachers to go fuck themselves.

 

[Beck Bass]

I'm quitting my job, 100%.

Can't stand being treated like some kid that need to be telling them everything I do and for how long I do. I also don't like my team at all, even their accents piss me off at this point.
I'm also working 9h+ a day and I gotta finish uni, I think, so I'm planning to just quit my job and live off my savings for a month or two, while I focus on the last classes. Meanwhile I'll start doing some freelance work, and if that doesn't fly, I'll find a better new job where I can actually use my programming skills, not do minor tweaks in dashboards and run stupid jobs to get data that I couldn't care less about for.
Something I'm worried about is that living by myself in a nice part of town is a bit pricey, probably like a third of what I spend on a month, so I'm considering going back to my parents, but that would be last resort. Let's see how it goes.
(Also my trip to Japan with my girl next year is probably bombing as well, but I don't even think they are allowing tourists in anyway, in an ideal scenario I'll be able to travel anytime anyway since I wanna be in charge of my job/clients/whatever).
Basically I'm tired of 9/5 and I wanna be freer, also i need to finish uni just for the hell of it, really.

Soo yesterday I went out with green eyed girl, let's call her... HBIndie. I texted her around 4PM to see if the date was on, and I confirmed it could be around 7PM. I texted her when I was leaving, 20 min before 7, to let her know, but around 7PM she said she was coming soon, so I knew she would be late. I got a bit of cold feet, and my mind was going kinda nuts with possibilities, like maybe she thinks I'm a scumbag and texted my girl and now my girl and her are waiting there to confront me lol. But I was so confident yesterday, after finally deciding I'm quitting, that I was very ready to just seduce both of them and fuck them both at my appartment later no matter what if it came to that lmao. It was seriously reinvigorating to just accept that I'll quit my job and it's fine, everything is gonna be alright (or not, but I'm gonna survive), I was almost lighting up some fireworks yesterday!

I get to the bar and get me some beer, then I go for a walk, because she's going to take at least 20 min to arrive. I play some Pokemon Go, my girl gave me that free pass when I gave her some Pokemon, so I guess I have a good feeling association with the game. Eventually HBIndie texts me that she's in front of the bar, I'm coming back already very near, so I just walk up to her.

She has this sexy green eyes, very pale skin, thin. Her hair is black and she has a stilish bang (fringe?), her glasses are very stilish as well, nice light pink makeup on her eyes that makes it all comes together. She wearing a coat and black ripped jeans, but I just have my stilish raven over a skull t-shirt and black shorts, my trusty Vans Sk8hi (I don't feel much cold and it's easy to stand out without much clothing when everyone is waering blouses and whatnot, I guess it's my form of peacocking). I greet her and she's kinda warm, seems a bit nervous and like she doesn't want me touching her too much, I'm chill. She orders a beer, then takes almost 2 minutes to pay for it, something with her phone isn't quite right.

I just stand there a bit far away and it doesn't feel too great, but I'm just trying to chill, taking little sips from my beer. Eventually she pays for it and goes take the beer, I figure it's better I go with her, go I get closer and wait behind her. She then turns and faces me, this girl looks seriously fine, though a bit of a depressed look to her. She asks me if I wanna sit there inside the bar or go outside, I tell her there's some benches we can sit on the street, she tells me that it's too noisy in there anyway so we go outside to sit and talk.

We talk for quite a while. She has a bit of a nervous laughter sometimes and says stuff like "what am I doing" (dunno if that's because she thinks less of herself for going out for a guy that's "already taken" on a Wednesday). She also seems a bit insecure, there's a few comments that make me think she hasn't been going out with any guy for a while (she tells me her schedule is hectic, like today she would be working from 7AM to 9PM, checking newborns heatbeats on some hospital far away). She's a cool girl overall, but clearly hanging out too much with rich kids messed her up a bit, sometimes I tease her and she comes with these "shut uppp", like I know she's kidding, but sounds a bit aggressive/uncalibrated for my taste. There was also a comment about we living in a third world country, yada yada, some weird downer shit I was like shrug it off honey, Brazil ain't that nightmare you make it to be.

I mean, she's a bit of a rich kid, her parents pay for her med school and she drives a little buggy kinda car that's pretty expensive here, she tells me she pretty much needs it, since the hospitals she's an intern of are very far away from each other and from her home. We bond a bit talking about music, she likes indie rock (hence her alias), she went to the same Gorillaz concert I went with my girl here, though she asks me what kind of music I like, and I kinda just dodge the question, she gets kinda mad. We talk about last week, I was telling her about when she wrote about me being "married" and me thinking like, should I tell her I have a girlfriend? She told I should have told her sooner, I went like well I didn't knew how to say it, she understands, way better to talk in person about this, though I'm glad I made it work throught text, in a way.

She tells me she needs to leave soon, since she has to wake up around 5AM the next (to)day, she says she leaves 9PM tops, I was like, ohh, that's bad, but I'm understanding for the most part, I don't wanna pressure her too much, I think the whole situation is already pressing her a bit. I tell her I need to pee, I go to the bar and pee super fast, like 2 minutes top, and when I come back, she's talking to some weird hobo that just appeared there. The guy is kinda funny, but then he starts complaining people treat him like a criminal, I'm like oh that's bad, but I'm turning more to the girl and hoping he's gonna leave soon. He keeps on talking a lot, then starts asking for money for alcohol, I'm like nah mate, I give him the rest of my beer, it's good beer, and this motherfucker won't stop bugging us, I'm almost just grabbing her and leaving, but she says she needs to go to the bathroom, then she disappears. I tell Mr. hobo goodbye and go in the bar, then I text HBIndie since girls can take long in the bathroom, to see if she's there, but then she jsut appears behind me.

She asks me if I thought that she had left, I was like, I dunno, I was hoping it was just because of the hobo (I could tease her here and chase frame, but I thought I needed more attainability rather than attraction/value/whatever). I tell her we should walk around (to have more "experiences" with her, date compression and that type of stuff), avoiding the hobo, of course, so we wander around for a bit (she doesn't wanna go too far because her car is near the bar). I tell her I want a burger and order one, she says it's fine, she can stay a bit longer, like 9:30, I'm like huuh you wanna stay longer with me then?

We talk a bit more, not much touching, but I'm starting to break the barrier (at first, she didn't want to hold my hand, but by this point we were walking holding our hands, pretty close). I smell her a bit and she laughs, good times. I didn't wrote before but she told me she wanted to be a designer, but then decided against it because of money, she doesn't think there's a market for it here, like she would be competing against the grandchildren of her clients (her words), then she went to become a doctor. I teased her quite a bit about the doctor stuff, I think she said something about morals and I was like "yeah, because people become doctors because of morals, ofc", she eats it up. Maybe I should have done a better job encouraging her artistic side, but it's hard to encourage that in her when I myself love music and play bass and other instruments quite well (not to mention being quite decent at recording and mixing) and never made a penny off of music. It's fun though, life isn't just money after all. I'll keep that in mind next time.

We kissed I think two times, one at the bar, after the hobo thing I think, and another while wandering around. Light frenching, she's not like the best kisser ever but she's interesting at it, above average for sure.

Eventually she tells me she needs to leave, as I finish eating my burger (9 o'clock exactly lmao, I need to learn how to eat slower). I ask her if she's gonna give me a ride, she agrees, we hop on her weird buggy and go, she's a good driver (I don't even have a license or bother with cars, though I'm a great getaway driver, in my dreams lol). I ask her if she wanna come in and listen to some jams with me, she refuses, she says "not today, not in your appartment", I'm like "when then?", she seems like she's resisting a bit, I feel like next time it can happen, I'm chill. As I'm getting out of her car, I shout at her "kiss kiss!", she gives me a peck on the lips, I ask/order again, but no frenching, I leave her to go back and rest for today. I text her and let her know I'm thankful for she riding me home and it was fun meeting her, she sends me some stickers...

It was really refreshing meeting her, she's obviously too busy for anything more serious (and a bit of a downer, but she has potential, I would say), so I think she's a great candidate for some... I don't even know how to call that, but I mean, my girl is my queen, then I have maybe HBRocker ocasionally as a secondary girl, and now maybe this HBIndie as well, let's get that threesome booooys. I hope I'm able to really add something to these girls life, they sure are making me happier!

 

[POB]

A little bit of advice Bass...
If you are already "taken", side girls are for sex only.

If your main is MLTR (meaning you haven't met her friends or family, but she knows what's going on) it's ok to date other chicks. But if your main is your de-facto GF, going on dates with other chicks is gonna blow up on your face big time.

What you doing with green eyes is giving her hope, which is something you should never do, because you already have a queen. This is why she is refusing to have sex now: you are saying one thing, and showing her another with your actions. It's short-circuiting her emotions in a bad way.

Side girls are for sex only (and a little bit of friendship). Preferably, get a place outside your main home (motel, airbnb, small office, whatever) and set your encounters on those places. No matter how much you clean, your main can smell other women were there (and find the only strand of hair you forgot to pick).

No going out, no eating, no drinking with side chicks. It's like this: "You get here, we fuck, we talk a little bit, there's the door, see you next week." If she bails, you find a second one to fill the gap.

Also you get them to meet your queen only if your queen asks for it (which may take a long time to workaround).

Side note: Start your threesomes with the help of a pro (I don't like pros, but they are a good way to introduce your girl to this world).

 

[Beck Bass]

Man, I appreciate the advice, but I don't know if I agree with it.
Also I have a no pro policy with myself (not paying for her, at least). Call it blind pride or whatever, but if I'm making a threesome happen, I'm gonna make it my way, I don't care for just ticking the "threesome box". I get the whole queen theory stuff, but I think I'm enough of a king to have 2 or 3 queens tbh, it might blow on my face big time but to me is that or being fully single. I get the problems with family and their friends and labelling and whatnot (and kids, later down the line), but I'll wing it until I figure out what I really wanna do and with whom.

Tiny little update, yesterday I was boinking my girl and I came to this little epiphany. My girl won't cum no matter how hard I try, at least not yet. She never came in her life, and I've heard similar stories (not to mention that almost half the girls I've been with confessed having trouble cumming). My theory is that in the beginning, only men came. I don't have much biological knowledge about how orgasms work in other species, but linking pleasure to reproduction is the most obvious thing for survival, of course. Since men were always the ones that had to "fertilize" females, is natural that our drive for sex is higher, so we go and make it happen, so orgasms became a thing for men to impregnate women (males impreg females in general). But then as we evolve as a species, women saw orgasms were good (I swear Genesis from the bible was a precursor to the Darwin stuff, like everything is "and God saw whatever was good") and wanted them too, I mean, it's good for women to seek sex as well, on their own terms (this gives them more knowledge about reproduction, and hopefully betters things as a whole). So some women are more "advanced" down the line on the "orgasm evolution", while others came from mothers (and fathers with mothers?) that couldn't/wouldn't cum, so they can't cum as well.

But the funny thing about evolution, it is change, it's change that is happening over time in us. Of course, actually "committing that change to our code" takes a longer while, but I believe if I'm able to make my girl cum, I would be allowing maybe my daughter to be more orgasmic down the line. Or at least if i make my girl more interested in sex, my children will be more sexual as well.
If that's a good thing or bad thing, I mean, I don't care, it's my girl and me and I decide, but I guess it's just a bit of interesting stuff I was thinking about. Makes sense to me, but I'm sure a bunch of people will say I'm nuts and dumb or whatever.

Anyway, I'll keep on working to make my girl orgasm, I want her to feel this sensation I'm so familiar and fond of, and that I've made abut half the girls I've been with experience.

 

[Científico]

I went to your journal just now hoping to hear about how you are managing your open relationship. You didn't disappoint.

I seriously like this girl, but to be fair, I kinda like being single as well.....Anyway I wake up today, she didn't sleep over because her dog was alone (?), I'm kinda feeling like being single. Like I seriously like this girl, but it's always drama when it comes to other girls, I guess it can't be helped

Yep. I am finding a lot of drama myself. Partially due to my mistakes, since essentially if she uncovers any evidence that you are banging other chicks she get's jealous and starts drama and acting undesirably (because you know, even though you've agreed you can sleep with other people, EVIDENCE it's happening causes drama) . But it's like it can't be helped, since eventually something happens that makes it obvious you are meeting and pursuing other women, especially when she wants your constant attention.

 

[Beck Bass]

Yep. I am finding a lot of drama myself. Partially due to my mistakes, since essentially if she uncovers any evidence that you are banging other chicks she get's jealous and starts drama and acting undesirably (because you know, even though you've agreed you can sleep with other people, EVIDENCE it's happening causes drama) . But it's like it can't be helped, since eventually something happens that makes it obvious you are meeting and pursuing other women, especially when she wants your constant attention.

Yeah @POB brought up some real stuff, you can't really be bringing in other girls like that, it will cause a lot of attrition with your main. You can bang other girls, but to her, in her mind, she should still think she's the only one, as far as she can see, otherwise she'll start feeling a bit cheap and whatnot. It's complicated really, even if she's letting you have some fun outside, she'll still largely wanna have control over you, which can be problematic because chicks do chick things, like saying they don't mind you banging other girls than getting super upset when it happens (when they see evidence, as you say, and it's a drag to hide this type of stuff).

I think the best way is to have an iron-solid frame and let her implicitly know you can't be tamed, like you're a player and having fun with girls in general is your thing and can't be avoided, and it's not your fault, you're just this way. Of course you should do your best to avoid giving her anything to be mad about, but it can't be really avoided long term (and I think if you hide to well for a while, she'll think she's the only one now and start creating big expectations, so when she finds out something, it might completely blow the relationship).
It's a big frame battle always and you have to make sure you're making some leeway with her, by making her completely happy with the relationship, while still knowing you're not fully commited, that you can't really be tamed (of course, she'll still hope you can be, and overtime, I guess it will happen, it's not like we are gonna be gaming forever like this hehe, though I would say the game never stops).

I was reading that article @Railer linked and it brings up some interesting points though. Even if you fully commit to a girl, it's never garanteed you got her. In fact, giving her so much can take your edge off and inevitably your game will suffer (assuming you're really commited and not really approaching other girls/looking for other pussy). So I might rather keep this open relationship and take some drama for me not being fully commited, than having other types of dramas (women love finding reasons to fight, right, so you might as well do it on something that's more under your control and boosts attraction, for the most part).

I don't think there's a relationship without 0% drama, it's about minimizing it and compromizing as far as you're willing to go, and always be willing to walk away (though never tell her that, she should know you have other options, but never weaponize it against her, even if accidentally, because that will generate ressentment).

 

[Beck Bass]

Last nite we went to a local bar that has some nice cheap beer and food, big tables for groups, it was Ace Atourney's birthday and he invited the whole group, plus some of his friends I don't know. Mr. P didn't even went to his classes so he could be there with us, everyone was having a good time, we were eating and drinking quite a lot, talking loud and having a lot of fun overall (Jesus boy even broke a glass accidentaly lol). We had a lot of fun, but as far as women goes, there was nothing worth mentioning, other than all them boys were eager for some honeys.

After that we went to the usual club, we asked Mr. P if he wanted to go to the club we went to last time, and he wanted, but it was Ace's birthday and his friends were going to the usual "lgbt-friendly" club (where I pulled most of the girls I banged, but now it's turning more and more into a lgbt fest really). We get there and there's some good looking girls, but most are really closed off in their groups, there's like two hot lesbian couples kissing, things don't look too promissing.

Some hot short brunette gives me some AIs, as well as her taller hot Asian friend, I make a mental note to approach them (the club is kinda hectic and we just arrived, though it's already past midnight because my friend from the other city wanted to eat his favorite hotdog here before going). We do some "putivoltas" looking for talent in the smoking area, but it's almost empty (the club seems way emptier on Fridays, like half the prople of Saturday, maybe it's not worth going on Fridays anymore).

I'm talking to the girl on our group (she had a little thing with Jesus boy, but he's kinda going mono with a hotter girl now hehe), and she says she thinks the Asian is hot, the one that gave me AIs. I tell her I'm gonna approach her, she tells me, well, if she doesn't wanna kiss you, ask her if she wants to kiss me lol.

I go in, ask her name and get a little compliance with the hand clasp, she's a bit closed off though, so I ask her right away if she rather kiss boys or girls that night (tbh I wanted to approach her friend, maybe I did a mistake approaching her first, but I wouldn't mind boinking this Asian, she's hawt). She tells me girls, then I look quizzically at the girl in our group, go back to her and tell her, well, my friend thinks you're hot, can I call her here to talk with you? She's like, well, I'm not very in the "libido" tonight, I tell her it's just gonna be a chill talk, she kinda agrees. I go back to our friend and tell her what went on, she was like, ahh should I go? I'm like, well, it's a chance...

She goes talk with her, then I go and approach the other friend, the girl barely says her name to me, then kinda looks away at her phone weirdly... Dunno if she got mad I approached her friend first and thought I got blown out, there was also a guy in their group that later made out with her, not sure if it was her boyfriend, but she was giving me some pretty legit AIs before, well, whatever.

Anyway my girl (the friend from the group, not my gf hehe) is talking a lot to Asian girl, but I sense a bit of a lul in the convo and a bit of awkwardness/shyness from both, so I go in with my asshole smile and tell them: girls... you know what... we should have a triple kiss, the three of us... My friend laughs and says "go away" waving with her hand, kinda joking, I laugh and leave to my friends. One or two minutes after that they were making out, they make out for quite a while, then they leave together to smoke I think, I just talk to our girl on her ear "you owe me one! lol", good times.

Other than that, I didn't approach anyone else, the sets seem like too much work and my friends wanted to go elsewhere, specially my friend from the other city, they really wanted to pull some girl. I suggest the place Mr. P wanted to go, but Mr. P is mad, he says it closes soon, so no point going there. We decide to leave anyway and try to go to some other venue, Ace still there with some friends.

We wander around but all other clubs seem really empty, we think the night is dead already... People start wondering if we should have left the club after all (the answer was, I guess, nope), and there's this place we always see near one of the clubs with big red led letters, we know it's a whorehouse, and most of us haven't been to one like ever (me included). Curiosity gets the best of us and we go in, looking awkward as fuck lmao

This place is nothing like what I expected or hear about those places. It's like a normal club, full of seats on tables, and the whores/pros are sitting by the bar, kinda just looking at the men and giving some very minor AIs. There's a few that are dancing and rubbing themselves on some middle aged fat guys, but other than that, it mostly looks like a girl vitrine for you to pick which one you want (and can afford). This is supposed to be a high end one, and indeed the prices are very high for Brazil's standards, but the girls themselves don't look all that impressive. Sure, they got nice asses and tights, some have big fake boobs, and they are all in high heels and short dresses, but I've seem and pick up hotter girls are clubs before, so I'm kinda unimpressed. The guys are like, wow, by that price, you really have to be some desperate fat middle aged man to come here for sex lmao.

The price for getting in is actually really similar to clubs around there, and as far as I know, it works like a club for the most part, just a weird one in which the girls act like hot shit until you start talking money. There's plenty of big bouncers around, and they seem to know the girls really well, so I'm a bit scared of trying to spit some game and maybe getting something for free there (or even just offending one of them accidentally). Also the few hoes I'm in seem like the most "professional", the ones that would empty your bank account with some ease lol, so I'm trying to chill myself.

I go outside with Mr. K, some new Mr. P friend that joined our group, and with Thor, also Mr. P's friend, from uni. We smoke a bit, and it seems the bouncers guarding the entrance are elsewhere, so we joke about jetting without paying anything, but we chicken and they appear right afterwards. One of them is a really cool guy, talks to us and what our impression of the place was, also tell us some stories about how much money some guys spend with the whores and stuff like that.

We go in and our friend from the other city (let's call him BuffTwin because he's Jesus boy... buff twin brother lol) is saying he wants to pay for a hoe for his bro, but he doesn't wanna bang a girl paid for I think, me neither. We stay there until they are pretty much closing, I wanted to leave sooner because it was really cold in there, like colder than outside, maybe they turn air conditioner down so guys have even more incentive to have some girl to warm them up? But the girls are not wearing much cloth, they must be freezing or something.
An older pro comes and asks everyone in our table if we need company. She's really sweet but her face really isn't very cute and shows her age, I tell her I have a girlfriend and she's jeeealous, she seems a bit caught out of guard. I'm the last one, and before leaving, she comes back again, grabs me by my arm and tells me it's cool to see a "faithful man"... But, you know, if I need some company...

We decide to leave, and a few of the girls are leaving as well. One of them, the one Jesus boy had his eye on, and seems to be one of the younger ones, with piercings and tatoos, was dancing a lot there, and call Mr. K, the rookie, to go talk to her. She gives him her phone number and asks him if he wants to smoke some weed, he agrees. I'm kinda trying to get into the convo as well and get some weed but I chill a bit, let the boy have his thing. Afterwards I praise him and we have a laugh.

We pay and outside the girl talks to him and they smoke, I just ask if i can smoke a bit, and soon the whole group is talking to her, but everyone is chill. She seems like a really cool girl, actually, not sure if she's quite fully on the "pro life", but I wish her the best of luck. Also some random ass girl on a car parked outside the "club" calls me, I go up to talk to her and she talks random shit, like "oh I'm very cool" and then asks me if I want her number. She doesn't look that cute or young for that matter, but I would say she's bangable, so I get her number, but them the guy that's with her comes from behind me and says "what you doing with my wife?". Then he says "jsut playing, we do Uber and some shit", I'm failing to understand what's going on, but I kinda laugh anyway. I then kinda just leave as the girl is seeing some stuff on her phone, we leave shortly after.

On our way home, though, two hot girls in a car stop all of sudden to ask us if we know where an electronic music club is. I kinda tell them around where it is, and they kinda park near us, almost crashing the car into another, they clearly were under the effect of some substance(s). They stay there parked for a bit, Thor and Mr. K tell me to go help them with directions, but them it's us 3 guys going in the direction of the car of 2 drugged hot girls, they kinda just leave with the car, almost crashing again, I'm like, wtf man.

BuffTwin wanted us to go out with him tonight as well but I don't know if I'm feeling it, gotta save some money now that I'm quitting ym shitty job, also my girl might get mad if I go out two nights in a row without her (though my friend coming to our city kinda is a big deal). No idea what can happen, let's see.

 

[Beck Bass]

So last week I stayed with my girl on Saturday, as I'm doing today as well. We saw each other on Wednesday and had a nice dinner at some nice Italian restaurant downtown, romantic vibes, but we didn't even fuck afterwards (honestly I was kinda tired after quitting my job that day and her sex drives hits a super low during/right after her period). Anyway she was super sweet with me and it was nice seeing her.

Yesterday Ace wanted to go out to the club, as his birthday was at Tuesday and he could go in for free with someone (me). We actually had some a few drinks on Thursday and he told me he wanted to really pick up some chicks, so we went with intent last nite.

We drank a bottle of nice wine before, so we were quite a bit drunk (like that perfect disinhibition state alcohol brings on the right dose), but of course it goes away as we are not drinking as much inside. We take a while to approach any girls, Ace says he's counting on me to approach and he's just gonna slide in and wing me, hopefully (I rather have actually proactive wings that go for it instead of putting pressure on me, but it was his birthday and I wanted to help). Anyway, there's quite a few hotties but most seem really young and like a lot of work (being almost 27 now, it's hard to relate to the average 20yo). We walk around and look for girls in the smoking area, but not much luck.

Eventually we meet this group with some girl that offers me some "natural" cigarettes, I smoke... I think she's into me, but I'm mostly looking for birds for my friend, later she starts making out with some other dude in the group, maybe it was her boyfriend, can't remember. Ace finds an old friend of his, guy looks like an average popular "frat" type of guy, actually now I remember the girl that gave me the cigarrete was chasing him, telling us she had a "long distance gf" and wouldn't "cheat" on her. Dude is kinda cool but Ace is borderline fanboying him, I'm like, dude, are you here for girls or to suck his D lol, maybe I'm just a bit territorial, but it's not uncommon for him to find some friend and stick to socializing with them instead of trying to approach girls. I get that he's shy, but sticking to the easy people he knows is not gonna help him any (and surely not give him any good pussy).

Anyway Ace was talking a lot to the guy, and I'm like fuck this shit, I silently leave the group and approach a two set with a gay friend, both girls look pretty hot and young, but I can't choose just one lol. I'm confused, but I go in and hand clasp one of them, she's like "wow he's so galant", I start laughing and tell her "well, what can I say". There's a bit of an unconfortable silence, I just ask them what they do, they all work with advertizing, gay friend is helping me a bit but dunno if he's trying to get in my pants as well lol, I touch the shorter tanned girl tattoos asking them how many she has. The other one starts getting a bit jelly, I give her more attention, but I really don't know which one to go for. Ace comes in out of the blue, it's a bit awkward, he doesn't even say anything to them. To be real, I should have introduced him, but he kinda interjected at the worst moment, I was just building compliance with both, specially the more innocent, fairer skined one, I felt a little tilted. I think they left a little after to the dancefloor, I saw them again afterwards smoking, and the girl that was chasing Ace's friend saw my interaction with that younger girl again and told me "I thought you two would hook up", but she just kinda left, I think I failed to show attraction/intent and go hard enough for her (I was playing way too chill, but to be real, she was cute to me, but not all that special).

Later I also met the girl I played beer pong with last time on the club. I just asked her name like "Hey K... Is that you?", even used the wrong name lol, she corrected me and it was obvious it was on, we just started making out hard. I asked her what she was doing later, since I felt she was looking for a hard D, she said she was just going home. I tried to pull but she was a bit too chill, I didn't want to invest too much time in her, so I got her number. She told me she works on some local TV stuff, she's actually quite a cool girl, but like barely bangable, her face is very meh, but she had a great ass, that I just enjoying squeezing thought her black shiny skirt. She also was probably the best kisser I met in quite some time, her frenching made me get hard in less than a minute, I was almost worried lately because most girls I make out with weren't making me hard, other than my girl, but it seems those girls are bad kissers lol (maybe I should train myself to feel more turned on by those girls, but dunno, most girls on clubs are kinda shit at kissing, specially drunk).

I also made out with some other girl I regret, this emo chick with a weird but kinda cute face, it was her birthday. Pretty sure I saw her before (probably at this club that plays emo rock that I met HBOcean at), she told she knew me as well, but we couldn't really remember. She was really hard to kiss in the first place, later I learned she was in a relationship for 9 years (she's 29). I told her about my girlfriend and she got all paranoid, like well I don't know what your arrangement is, my man cheated on me, yada yada yada, I was like, whatever. Her kiss was terrible, like sad, sad stuff lmao. At least Ace got to make out with one of her friends, not a very cute girl, but I guess mission acomplished, not that he pulled or anything, but I mean, he wasn't even really trying (or maybe on his mind he was, no idea).

Anyway I'm gonna try to meet the girl from beer pong this week and get some boinking going. HBIndie is barely replying, I send her a message on Monday, then texted her again on Wednesday for her to respond. We exchanged some messages during lunch, but basically she says she's busy with the last week of her internship in this hospital, hopefully she's free next week, but whatever. Would be cool to fuck her but she's already making me spend quite some effort, rather spend that on new girls that actually give me something back.

 

[Beck Bass]

Ahhh I managed to fuck up with both the barely bangable girl from the club and HBIndie.

The girl from the club I messaged during the week, we made out Friday at the club, I think I only messaged her at Monday.
We talk about silly shit, I mention her job, as it's the only thing we talked about in person, and suddenly we are just having boring mundane convo about jobs. I probably could have asked her out, but I was like man I don't even think this girl is that hot (her Whatsapp pic was full of effects and shit, she looked weird, which didn't help lol).
So I just... deleted her number.

HBIndie I had another date scheduled with her this week, but right after she told me she was busy last week, but free now, I was like "well, I better keep her thinking of me until then", and I freaking asked her to send me... A pic of her ass. I mean this girl doesn't even have much of an ass to being with, and we didn't even sleep together yet, plus she's the emo feminist type of girl that will get mad at whatever for no fucking reason, so you can imagine how that went... She removed me from IG (like stopped folllowing me, and removed me from her followers) and sent me a "well, you know what, I don't wanna go out with you anymore. Good bye". I was like I didn't mean to offend, but she went nuclear, she was like ok fine, but I don't wanna see you anymore. No idea if I just dodged a bullet tbh, this girl is a bit of a downer, I was hoping I could make her open up and be a bit more cheerful, but it seems my antics are too much for her.
Also no idea why she would go out with me given I have a girl. I could tell she was a bit lonely from our date, but I don't know what she was expecting out of this, to begin with. Like are we just gonna be friends? I could be happy with that, but I guess she can't take my sexual jokes. Was she expecting me to drop my girlfriend for her? No idea what this girl was thinking. I guess she just wanted some company (but she's busy all the time anyways, so what company can I give her anyway other than an ocasional date each two weeks?).
Anyway it was just a dumb fuck up, we already had a date lined up and I had to be an ass and tell her to send some nudes or whatever just for the hell of it, knowing full well she wouldn't (maybe she thought I just wanted pics of her because I was full of her being so busy, no idea). I tried contacting her again this week but she says she "isn't feeling it", so I decided to just let her go.

I went to the club Friday with Ace and his friends, actually my friend too, that girl from our group that made out with the Asian chick I approached was there. We met a cool young guy that was solo there, he said he was religious but wanted to get away from that, he was looking for weed there (no idea why he think this club is a good place for getting weed, I mean, I met a girl that gave me the website where I buy shrooms there, but it's not like there's dealers there, just "drug friendly" people). Anyway I take a lot of time to approach a girl and it doesn't go too well, I ask her name and she's like "no" with her head, I ask her "your name is no? lol", her friends are kinda amused but I get out quickly. I feel good after approaching, wanting to approach more girls, but Ace is taking it super slow, it almost feels like he wants to slow me down or something. Also I feel awkward approaching girls in front of my friends, they all know my girlfriend, they were asking me questions about her, that type of shit. I'm like man, I'm here to approach girls, not talk about my girl, I'm gonna be with her tomorrow.
Oh, almost forgot, I saw the girl from the club, the one I deleted the number, again. She's quite short and actually quite cute in person (with make up at least lol), I deff regretted deleting her number right as I saw her. I didn't had the chance to talk to her, that sucked. I also have no idea if I should be telling girls I have a girlfriend, when is it like the right time to say that and whatnot, that just confuses me.

Anyway, I don't quite know what I'm doing. I do feel like I love my girl so, so much, but sex is very important to me, and clearly my sex drive is waay higher than hers, and this has been a problem for a while. I also just feel like approaching girls, I wanna fuck new pussy, get that high, but while I'm with my girl this is very hard, she demands attention (and deserves it).
It's been hard to approach girls lately, I kinda use my friends as a pretense to get out to clubs and game, but my friends are also dragging me into not approaching and just being with them. I was actually thinking of going out solo Friday, but I was thinking what am I gonna tell my girl if she asks me where I was Friday (or texts me at all during the night).
I guess I just gotta come cleaner, but I don't even know what to tell her, like "we have an open relationship, I'm gonna approach (and fuck) girls on Friday, see you on Saturday". It just doesn't quite sound that right to me. But I also don't wanna be on a "fully commited" relationship, this sucks to me, no matter how I look at it.

Also my job sucks balls and I gotta work until the end of the month, this has been quite taxing to my soul. I was also questioning myself about what I really wanna do with my life, like what's my purpose after all. I was quite invested into gaming girls for so much time that maybe I wasn't even thinking about the rest of the stuff, just getting by with a "decent job" while draggin uni as far as I could, until now the job becomes unbearable and eventually I have to choose if I'm gonna finish uni or whatever the hell else I'm gonna do.

October I'm gonna be free, so hopefully I'll get time to think things through and realize what the way forward is.
HBRocker is also coming to my city next week, hopefully I won't fuck up this as well. I fear sleeping with her might fuck up my LTR though, last time we went hard at it with no condoms, my girl is all paranoid with me sleeping with other girls because of STDs and whatnot (I guess more like babies, but she won't admit it). I was slowly trying to open her up to the idea of a threesome, but she still a bit skittish. Let's see what happens.

 

[Científico]

Anyway, I don't quite know what I'm doing. I do feel like I love my girl so, so much, but sex is very important to me, and clearly my sex drive is waay higher than hers, and this has been a problem for a while. I also just feel like approaching girls, I wanna fuck new pussy, get that high, but while I'm with my girl this is very hard, she demands attention (and deserves it).

I feel this very much. My girl takes up a substantial amount of my attention, and when I'm with her on the weekends she is constantly showering me with love and we are constantly having sex. I know for a fact that if she were not around I would be devoting much more energy to securing new girls, but since she is around much of the time I may have to accept the fact that other girls are essentially just a side-thing and I'll never reach my full "pussy potential".

I think this is just the nature of what we're doing, right? Any kind of relationship, open or not, requires a substantial input of emotional energy. We will never be able to duplicate what we would be doing as single men, it's just impossible.

Since my work is slow at the moment, I'm making time to do some approaching as a fun activity when I have time, and I've got some dating apps running on the side for a few leads. When work picks up again though, it will become more difficult to balance this into my other responsibilities as well. I think I'm slowly accepting the fact that my pipeline/funnel is much smaller than it would be if I were truly single, which will translate to fewer overall results. And that's totally okay.

I guess I just gotta come cleaner, but I don't even know what to tell her, like "we have an open relationship, I'm gonna approach (and fuck) girls on Friday, see you on Saturday". It just doesn't quite sound that right to me. But I also don't wanna be on a "fully commited" relationship, this sucks to me, no matter how I look at it.

In my situation, I've clearly stated a few boundaries with my girl and she has accepted them, but she still requires a ton of my time and attention. The thing that works about us is we live in different cities and only see each other some weekends (often still >50%), which makes the compartmentalizing and separation a bit easier.

Also my job sucks balls and I gotta work until the end of the month, this has been quite taxing to my soul. I was also questioning myself about what I really wanna do with my life, like what's my purpose after all. I was quite invested into gaming girls for so much time that maybe I wasn't even thinking about the rest of the stuff, just getting by with a "decent job" while draggin uni as far as I could, until now the job becomes unbearable and eventually I have to choose if I'm gonna finish uni or whatever the hell else I'm gonna do.

Balancing pick-up with work and careers can of course already be difficult under normal circumstances, but throwing in a girlfriend on top of that changes the calculus significantly. If your job sucks I advise you to put that first and figure that out - that's going to be more important in the long run anyway in many aspects of life, and will you more attractive to women and your girl anyway if your career is figured out.

 

[Beck Bass]

In my situation, I've clearly stated a few boundaries with my girl and she has accepted them, but she still requires a ton of my time and attention. The thing that works about us is we live in different cities and only see each other some weekends (often still >50%), which makes the compartmentalizing and separation a bit easier.

I think being on a different city should help a lot, like my girl used to go to the club I go the most to, also a lot of good places for dates are places I could potentially meet her or her friends... Being on the same city puts some extra stress on the whole situation, for sure.

I need some sort of talk with my girl on that regard, but I'm not even sure what I want in the moment, which is just a recipe for disaster. I'm gonna see how I truly feel about all of that and hopefully talk to her about it.

If your job sucks I advise you to put that first and figure that out - that's going to be more important in the long run anyway in many aspects of life, and will you more attractive to women and your girl anyway if your career is figured out.

Yeah I already quit because I gotta figure this out, I'm just working this month as notice so I don't lose a bunch of money (from my vacation and stuff like that), but still it's been tough.

I think this is just the nature of what we're doing, right?

Yup, that's true.
My girl sure adds a lot of value on my life and I know I make her happy as well, I'm just having a bit of trouble adjusting from my single days.
Thanks for the comment @Científico!

 

[Beck Bass]

The Friday before last Friday my girl sent me a message around 6PM asking me if I wanted to go out with her... Thing is, 5 minutes before, I was texting the boys and we decided to go out ourselves. I told her I couldn't, and told her we could see each other on Saturday. I got a feeling she would be mad, and she texted me, "ok, we see each other tomorrow, but it can't be too soon, I'll be out until late tonight"... And some sassy emoji stuff. I was like, girl, you don't play that game with me, so I just made a funny comment about her emoji and shruged it off.

We went out and nothing in particular happened. Lately it seems I lost quite a bit of my edge with girls. Might be just that maybe the boys stay too grouped and take no action, maybe they think we gay or something lol. It's seriously starting to bother me, they say they wanna pull girls, then they don't approach a single one, keep complaining how the girls aren't even hot (when there's at least two very hot girls and a bunch of decent ones) or how it's hard to approach, they are on groups, yada yada yada. Also it doesn't help that winter is prolonging itself so much here, it's colder and raining more now than it was on August or before even, so most people are just lazily chilling at home (including a bunch of the hotties, apparently).

I saw my girl that Saturday, but she was acting weird. Super quiet, I pointed that to her, she told me I was quiet as well. We went out to eat and she wanted to pay for me, she told me "well you just quit your job", I was like, nah, I pay, so I pay for both of us. We had sex but it was weird. Sunday afternoon she said she needed to leave with some half assed excuse. Also her Whatsapp on Saturday morning showed her last time online was 6AM, I was like either she was out late, with her friends or some dude, or she wants me to think that was the case, I don't even know what would be worse lol. Anyway I was fully like ready for her to have made out with some other dude, and I was making my peace with ending everything (I mean, I suggested an open relationship before, but she told me if she was to look for other dudes, she would find another boyfriend, that she didn't feel like getting sexual with other people).

Anyway I tried to stay chill at Monday, but the whole situation was bothering me. She always texts me during the day, and no messages, I sent one to her myself, she was answering politely, but still kinda weird. Tuesday I was like fuck this, I deactivated my IG just to cause some drama lol (I have this pic with her on my IG and she's always on in it, so I knew she would know something's up if I "deleted" it), she texted me asking me if everything was ok, I told her she was acting weird and pointed out some stuff. She then told me it bothered her because I was going out without her two weeks in a row and "not even telling her anything" and whatnot, I was ok girl but you gotta tell me things are not ok so I can fix them. She promissed to be more open, I promised to be more mindful of her, I told her I wanted to see her, so we saw each other Tuesday and had some nice makeup sex.

Thursday she went to some event her photographer friend invited her, she drank quite a bit and asked me if she could come over, I told her ofc. She came in and man, she was really drunk, but in a cute way. I guess I forgot how sexy she gets when she drinks, her beautiful face just looks so relaxed and she gets all cuddly and horny, I hadn't felt so happy to be with her for quite a while. We had some rough sex, she was like "order me around", crazy stuff. Next morning she couldn't remember much though, we took a bunch of pics while she was drunk and she was like "what are all those pics in my phone, I don't even remember taking them lol". It was fun though.

This Friday I did went out with the boys, but I told her way before and she wasn't quite as mad (we went to a bar she really doesn't like, but to be fair, there's few places she enjoys, because of her musical taste). Again boys just be chickening, it's starting to seep out on me I guess, all that inaction. There was a very hot girl in heels and a short dress eyefucking me a bit, I wanted to go and attack but something was pulling me back, maybe them boys being so weird, maybe me feeling so good with my girl those last days (and the last girls I made out with not really turning into anything). Another thing I noticed is I try to chill a bit at first so my friends get a shot at approaching the girls first, since I have a girlfriend and they say they are so eager to pull some birds, but then they don't go and I lose my shot as well. The status of our relationship as far as commitment goes is kinda in the air atm as well, like she said she doesn't care I bang other girls, but she keeps on making drama when I go out without her and everything, no idea.

This Saturday one of her friends had a farewell party, since she and her husband are going to the US soon. This one particular friend of her I'm not very fond of, and she starts drinking like crazy and soon she's annoying me: hey, when you go out with your friends, what do you do? I kinda answer to my girl "the boys say they are gonna pick up chicks, then they just stand around and don't approach any lol, and that's it", my girl laughs, her friend asks me to repeat as she didn't hear it but I pretend I didn't hear her asking as well lmao. She keeps up with the annoying questions, my girl is making a face like oooh well, clearly my girl be complaining about me to her. Eventually she let's me know indirectly though that my girl was with her that other Friday, and they were at this bar her friend owns (that mostly only has hipster girls and very few guys, her friend that owns it is lesbian), so I'm a bit reliefed. She also tells me any guy should be feel lucky for being with my girl, I'm agree like, yeah, ikr, I'm a lucky man
Her friend annoys us into going to the club with her, "since it's her farewell", but then she doesn't go lol, only my girl, a friend of her and me. Jesus boy texts me saying he wants to go out, I guess I was talking about it with the boys in the group, so he joins us. We wait a lot in the line to get in, the club is kinda packed. I notice another thing that bothers me, girls are giving me way more overt AIs when I'm with my girl than when I'm alone or with my friends (I guess that's expected because of preselection and everything, but it's still annoying lol). Me and my girl are both tired, we were all day and half the night on that other bar enduring her annoying friend, soon we leave, but both our friends say they wanna leave with us. Jesus boy tells me he's tired and doesn't feel like approaching any girls, he broke up with the girl he was going out with, and he was always the most gung ho when it came to approaching of my friends (me and him are pretty much the ones that mostly just go for it), so it was kinda sad to see even him chickening out that night.

Anyway my relationship with my girl is going great at the moment, I feel we both very connected. I do worry a bit though because I'm struggling to even feel attracted to other girls enough to approach. I'm always comparing them to her and feel like they are not worth the effort, which is kinda stupid, because it's not like I'm searching for a girl to replace her, so girls don't need to be better than her in any regard (and I love game and approaching girls, for the most part, so fuck it). Gonna try to not give half a fuck anymore and approach whatever girls I feel like bangable and approachable. I also gotta stop seconding guessing myself because of my friends. If they are not gonna approach anyway, I'm not robbing them any opportunities, and they might get a bit inspired with me approaching (more like pressured, because I'll steal all their girls lmao).

This is my last week on my shitty job, so this month of vacation should be great to reset and refocus on my bigger goals in life.

 

[Beck Bass]

I'm out of my job now, only waiting for the cash, so feeling relieved and chilling at the moment.

Last Saturday I invited Mr. P, Ace and another friend of ours to enjoy some magic shrooms with me at my appartment. My girl was with me as she slept with me Friday, we had coffee together then she left me with the boys, everything was great. I put on some music and we had the shrooms with tekkin, we got high but it was really smooth, nothing like the crazyness I had with my other friend when I mixed it with weed. Ace had the shrooms and left shortly after though to meet some other friends, our other friend joked that he went meet "his real friends", felt kinda sketchy from him but whatever. Mr. P bought a lot of beer for us to drink, he wanted for us to go out that night. I wanted to see my girl, but Mr. P was really down lately, not getting even a little kiss from any girl at them clubs, my girl also said she wasn't in the mood to go out, so us three went out.

Mr. got some action pretty soon, some gay guy approached him and asked if he was straight, then said his friend was into him, a cute girl. I already wanted to approach the other girl in the group, so Mr. P went in and started eating the face of his girl, and I approached the other. She was pretty cute and kinda hot, but was pulling back a bit when I approached , soon some Asian guy was introducing himself to me, I assumed he was her boyfriend, so I just left. Felt good though to see Mr. P happy there kissing like crazy, he said he got the girl's IG.

I was kinda chill but at the same time I wanted to approach a girl and make something happen. I was like, my girl is not here, I wanted to be with her, but since I'm not with her I might as well putting in some work. I approached a set where a hot bleached blonde was giving me some AIs. I get her name as I clasp her hand, talk about her tattoos, she for some reason asks my sign and my birthdate, she comments that I'm close to Scorpio, that might be why I'm so sexual (before I guess I made a bit of an obcene gesture when she said she was a Leo, I told her Libra and Leo sex... is crazy... I'm a Libra, of course). Eventually we start making out hard, feels good, my blood is rushing throught my body, I missed that feeling. I think we meet again later and make out a lot again, I get her phone number (she asked me for IG and I told her I don't use it, then she gave me her number). She told me to meet her later at the smoking area, but I went there before leaving and she wasn't there, it was getting late and I was tired, so I jet.

When I get home, around 4AM though, she messages me on Whatsapp (I already had sent my usual icebreaker) asking if I left already... I'm like, oh shit, I probably could have pulled this girl, but at the same time the next day was election day here on Brazil and I was gonna have lunch at my parents to vote, it was gonna be hectic, so whatever, I tell her I left already, too bad.

Sunday I go to my parents to have lunch and the whole family is there, I invited my girl as well and she went with me, it seemed she was getting along pretty well with my family, she was also dressed very stilish-ly and looking fiiine... Dang, I love this girl. I have some cool chess matches with my younger bro and chill with my girl and my family, good times.
Me and my girl go back to my appartment later, and everything is wonderful, but we then go out to eat. I talk about random shit from my friends, and out of the blue she starts questioning me about Saturday night, what I did, where did we go, what happened...
Oh boy.

Eventually she just flat out asks me if I made out with some other girl, and I can't lie to her. I kinda say nooo, but my whole body is like "you got me", her mood changes, she's seems kinda sad and disappointed. We go back to my appartment mostly in silence, she doesn't wanna hold my hand, she picks up her stuff and leaves. I ask her if she wants to talk about it, but she says we better talk the next day, I'm like, oh boy. I barely can sleep, I write her a loooot of stuff about our whole relationship, I highlight our problems with sex and the reasons why I think I still feel like picking up other girls, but I make sure to show her how much I appreciate her and love her.
I send her the next day (today) around lunch, I was thinking of writing it all on a letter, but it was too much stuff, 10000+ characters.

She reads and asks me if she can come over right after lunch, I tell her ofc. She comes in, and I already know she's breaking up with me. She's really emotional, the other times we broke up I guess she was trying to show no feelings, but this time she's tearing up, her eyes won't stop watering. She tells me there's not much she can say, she says she feels like she can't trust me to go out with them boys and not be with other girls, and basically that she doesn't want an open relationship. She also says it's her fault, that she let me sleep with Asian girl and gave me that "free pass" on the other city, I tell her it's all on me. She's hugging me a lot, so I take her to bed, we lay down together, she's crying and I'm caressing her hair, her face, her body... I tell her I'll always love her a lot, that we probably will be back together soon, that I just need some time, she says, yeah, like some years... I'm like I don't know, maybe we'll be back by the end of the year, maybe next year, I have no idea, I tell her we should take some time out, she agrees. She says we're on different phases of our lifes, but she says she was happy with me. I ask her if we can still be friends, she agree (we still texting and stuff). We don't have sex, honestly I wasn't in the mood for it, she spends like an hour laying down with me crying then she leaves, taking a piece of my heart with her...

I guess I didn't want to have a direct conversation like "we have an open relationship, I'm boning other girls" because I didn't want to break up again, but at the same time I was being a bit sneaky about everything and it hurt her. I do regret that, but I don't regret spending this time with her, she said the same. I told her I wanted to go on like we were, but she was clearly hurt by me kissing some other girl...
Anyway, I have no idea if we will get back together, I seriously love this girl, but it's hard for me to leave my pickup days behind and commit fully to her. My sex drive is way higher than hers and that was always a problem, though I would say this year we improved a lot on that. Other than that, I would say she's the perfect girl for me, her personality is really similar to mine, she's beautiful, educated and was seriously into me, she really made me a better man and had a positive impact in my life.

I guess I'll roll with the punches a bit and see how I feel, it's gonna be good to hit the field as a single guy though, I must say, being able to fully go in and not care about anything... At the moment though, I'm mostly just hurting for her.
I messaged the girl from the club today but no answer yet, she was hot and I seriously want to bang her but maybe I missed the escalation window there when she texted me, maybe she went cold, let's see what happens.

 

[Beam]

Sorry to hear about the breakup my man. Obviously a tough thing to go through and will take time to fully let go especially given how much she meant to you. Such is the path of men on this journey. Here's to coming out stronger and wiser.

 

[Beck Bass]

Sorry to hear about the breakup my man.

Thanks @Beam, I'm sure it's gonna take quite a while for me to get used to it, I've known this girl for almost two years now and we've been throught so much stuff... Anyway I'm sure that's for the better, I did my best to make her happy and now I'll do my best to make other beautiful women happy and grow as a man.

 

[TomInHo]

Sorry to hear about the breakup G

But you also have to see things from her perspective. She was in an open relationship hoping you will change down the road. And it seems like she wants more emotional progression from you

Women don't have a lot of time to waste and even if she loves you, her biology is going to push her towards a man that can help her reproduce and keep her secure

I have a feeling she will come back though, but It may be best to let her know that you will never fully sexually commit but maybe you can commit to her emotionally if that is what you want.

Similar to having a Queen that you build with and concubines that you only play with.

Because being open for more than 2 years with no sign of future security will make almost any woman eject. Or you can talk her into getting a legit provider while you are her lover on the side

Just saying you may need to be creative and open minded in order to keep this relationship going longer into the future