Are we retarded for doing cold approach?

[ChrisXKiss]

and every stunner hooks and starts gushing (until I auto reject)

I would love to hear how you go with that, since to me it feels that stunners especially are closed off and ready to reject me, before I even approach. Just by being around them, they notice me and hope I stay away.

Looking at my results there is a certain caliber of woman regarding hotness/beauty that I never seem to get attracted to me on the approach. And I do approach them, and would even say that with them my mood, state or what I say rarely matters, maybe the rejection will be more light and kind with a smile, but it is still a rejection.

So it's a bit weird, because I don't know if it just a mental thing, and simply by finding them very attractive I expect disinterest and it happens, or I lack some kind of value in the way I present myself that obviously has them disinterested from the get go.

 

[isildur1]

i met my girlfriend from cold approach - so no its not retarded i wrote a list of things here as to why: https://mindful-masculinity.org/202...ng-for-the-majority-of-men-to-meet-new-women/

but is it retarded to rely on social circles that usually calcify as you go older?
is it retarded not to show some fight and gal and actually put yourself out there in an era where people are hiding behind screens?
Is it retarded to rely on dating apps that use algorithms to make you feel inadequate?
Is it retarded to actually work hard to solve some of your problems in life?
is it retarded for a community of men to come together and actually strive for something a bit better in life? A better partner usually leads to better marriages and a better life for your children- you can't put a price on that

cold approach is 100 percent worth it. my only regret is i didn't do it when i was younger .

 

[bgwh]

I would love to hear how you go with that, since to me it feels that stunners especially are closed off and ready to reject me, before I even approach. Just by being around them, they notice me and hope I stay away.

Looking at my results there is a certain caliber of woman regarding hotness/beauty that I never seem to get attracted to me on the approach. And I do approach them, and would even say that with them my mood, state or what I say rarely matters, maybe the rejection will be more light and kind with a smile, but it is still a rejection.

So it's a bit weird, because I don't know if it just a mental thing, and simply by finding them very attractive I expect disinterest and it happens, or I lack some kind of value in the way I present myself that obviously has them disinterested from the get go.

I think it's just mindset.

My mindset when seeing a stunner is like "Oh wow, stunner, must talk to her, woooooooo". So I end up automatically doing the nonverbals right. Whereas when I see a non-stunner, i'm like "Ok, let me go and practice on this chick", which often ends up in more akward approaches.

I think that proves it all comes from the nonverbals. And the nonverbals come from the mindset.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Oh wow, stunner, must talk to her, woooooooo"

Yeah I’d say I also have this but it translates to needy nonverbals and behaviour for me.

So it seems to be more connected to mindsets indeed.

I will keep track of how I feel when I approach them, and how I think about them, but it makes sense, because purely by presentation, even some of these stunners would be interested statistically.

 

[isildur1]

It has got to be the most difficult thing on the planet to do. There are obviously less gut wrenching ways to meet women. Overcoming the stranger barrier can be a bitch. The losses ALWAYS outweigh the wins, and usually by a large margin. And the less things you have working in your favor, the worst off you'll be. So it begs the question, why the f--- do we do it? Are we retarded?

You gotta admit, some PUAs act like their on the spectrum.

rejections should be seen as motivation to be a better more interesting person so you can hook the next girl better.

before cold approach and dating from daygame i struggled with my conversation and confidence skills- i was too one dimensional- after i did roughly 1000 approaches i'd learnt to be a bit more interesting and hold conversation more and from dating different cultures i learnt to be a lot more adaptable to different situations.

after university the men in my social circle who didn't do cold approach were just stuck with the same women and never developed in life as a result they stagnated and ended up with the same boring women . Even the very good looking ones dated underpar. Cold approach is a fantastic way to increases your options and it stops your life from being petulant and boring . Focus on the positives - there are literally so many .

Yes there's failure, but really there's failure in every aspect of life and being lonely and not dating anyone from years on end is really much worse- coming from someone who didn't have his first girlfriend until he was 28 i'd stay if it wasn't for cold approach i'd probably be single for the rest of my life - relying on "fate" or online dating apps makes you a cuck imo.

 

[isildur1]

some PUAs are on the spectrum? Yes of course - there's no denying this , but in every "group of people" there's outliers of bad people. Just because one guy spam approaches infield in glasgow and gets arrested doesn't mean the rest of us are bad people.

There are bad lawyers, doctors, accountants, there are corrupt politicians, there are shitty bankers - yet hundreds of thousands/millions of people do these jobs.

So yes theres a few autistic people who aren't well calibrated does that mean the rest of have to give up just because someone else who does this has a genetic disorder? come on. lol . An autistic person doing this doesn't make it a bad thing .

 

[Water_Polo]

I have to admit this paradox is the weirdest thing I've experienced in my life. Cold approach was the most difficult and unsurmountable thing for me for a good 20 years. And then magically it flipped and now magically it's opposite. I'm addicted to approaching and every stunner hooks and starts gushing (until I auto reject).

So it's a paradox because both views of cold approach are true, depending on the switch inside your brain. And honestly I'm not sure anyone has figured out a way to flip that switch in people's heads reliably.

I've read your journal. Interesting stuff. But your results aren't typical. It only happens from two ways in cold approach, either stereotypically attractive looking or a high circulation of pheromones, that's it. It's sure as shit not "game" lol. Figuring out how pheromones work was the biggest differentiator for me. But it's not at all common in pickup from what I've seen. If I were you I'd skip this autistic "1000 approaches" thing you're doing and just start trying to pick these girls up.

Anyway I don't like talking about pheromones much because there's always 100s of guys who suddenly want to come out of the woods and want to know how it works but I'd rather keep that to myself lol.

The main figure head for pickup in the mainstream was Neil Strauss who ultimately came to the conclusion that "sarging is for losers" because if how ineffective it ultimately is. Most guys really don't get good results from it. There are a few outliers but they're rare.

Anyway good luck.

 

[AspiringStoic]

is for losers" because if how ineffective it ultimately is.

Ahh now I am doubly sure I am doing the right thing.

I am a loser. I am losing my anxiety, insecurities, indecisiveness, fear of showing intent etc around women.

It is indeed true, approaching is definitely for losers.

 

[DarkKnight]

What's the point of this post? What are you trying to accomplish?

He is frustrated because cold approach is hard so he wants confirmation the problem is not him

Personally cold approach has given me huge freedom and a lot of girls, it has also made social circle dynamics much easier because you become damn smooth. It creates synergy which carries over.

But it is okay to vent I guess this shit remains very hard at thr beginning

 

[assman93]

@donjuan77 I would say making cold approach the centre-piece of your dating strategy is retarded. As Tucker Max once said, as a random stranger approaching another random stranger you are “putting yourself at the worst possible disadvantage”. Also, surveys of couples demonstrate that relatively few relationships begin through cold approach.

That said, given the often dismal prospects offered by dating apps and social circle I think if an organic approach opportunity presents itself you should go for it. Further, be aware of girls who are giving signals (e.g. preening, checking you out, etc). Capitalizing on these signals will increase your approach-close ratio, and make the whole process significantly less retarded.

Overall, I would argue for lifestyle design over a narrow focus on cold approach, but cold approach is still a cool skill to have in your dating arsenal.

 

[Warped Mindless]

Also, surveys of couples demonstrate that relatively few relationships begin through cold approach.

Considering the minuscule number of individuals who actually cold approach, this makes sense and says nothing about the validity of cold approach.

I think if an organic approach opportunity presents itself you should go for it. Further, be aware of girls who are giving signals (e.g. preening, checking you out, etc). Capitalizing on these signals will increase your approach-close ratio, and make the whole process significantly less retarded.

If you don’t have sufficient practice and experience cold approaching women, how are you supposed to capitalize on these opportunities?

Overall, I would argue for lifestyle design over a narrow focus on cold approach, but cold approach is still a cool skill to have in your dating arsenal.

People act like it’s one or the other but you can do both.

Also, years ago I went the whole “lifestyle” route and even wrote a step by step guide on how I engineered a social circle full of women. It works but honestly it was more work than cold approach to me. Unless you are an extreme extrovert don’t assume you would enjoy the whole “lifestyle” route and don’t assume it takes less time or energy.

 

[assman93]

@Warped Mindless Yeah, well it’s very rarity might be enough to scare a lot of girls off, many of whom are influenced by social considerations in their decision-making.

I suppose you need some on the ground experience approaching women to develop an intuition about which girls to approach, conceivably if you’re a reasonably intuitive guy though this will come fairly quickly.

Everything requires social effort but the difference with social circle is it’s actually effective. I disagree social circle game is specifically for extroverts but regardless most quality women will need some level of social context to seriously consider being with a guy.

 

[Atlas IV]

Not gonna pile on here too much because a lot of good points have already been made. I'll just say that every girlfriend I've had in the past 5 years has been from cold approach, and on average they were hotter and much more compatible with me than most girls I dated pre-game.

Is it retarded/autistic to go out and spark as many connections as possible to maximize your chances of finding girls you are compatible with and attracted to? Maybe, but it's also a massive timesaver and life-changing for those who actually do it.

 

[Skills]

@donjuan77 I would say making cold approach the centre-piece of your dating strategy is retarded. As Tucker Max once said, as a random stranger approaching another random stranger you are “putting yourself at the worst possible disadvantage”. Also, surveys of couples demonstrate that relatively few relationships begin through cold approach.

That said, given the often dismal prospects offered by dating apps and social circle I think if an organic approach opportunity presents itself you should go for it. Further, be aware of girls who are giving signals (e.g. preening, checking you out, etc). Capitalizing on these signals will increase your approach-close ratio, and make the whole process significantly less retarded.

Overall, I would argue for lifestyle design over a narrow focus on cold approach, but cold approach is still a cool skill to have in your dating arsenal.

this is kj ^ none sense....

 

[bgwh]

@Warped Mindless Yeah, well it’s very rarity might be enough to scare a lot of girls off, many of whom are influenced by social considerations in their decision-making.

I suppose you need some on the ground experience approaching women to develop an intuition about which girls to approach, conceivably if you’re a reasonably intuitive guy though this will come fairly quickly.

Everything requires social effort but the difference with social circle is it’s actually effective. I disagree social circle game is specifically for extroverts but regardless most quality women will need some level of social context to seriously consider being with a guy.

You can combine the two. For example you can use cold approach to grow your social circle. But also, you can switch to pickup when a girl seems especially interested. That's the approach i'm leaning toward. Cold approach to build up my social life, but if I see indicators she's a high-probability girl, switch to pickup mode.

 

[bgwh]

I've read your journal. Interesting stuff. But your results aren't typical. It only happens from two ways in cold approach, either stereotypically attractive looking or a high circulation of pheromones, that's it. It's sure as shit not "game" lol. Figuring out how pheromones work was the biggest differentiator for me. But it's not at all common in pickup from what I've seen. If I were you I'd skip this autistic "1000 approaches" thing you're doing and just start trying to pick these girls up.

Anyway I don't like talking about pheromones much because there's always 100s of guys who suddenly want to come out of the woods and want to know how it works but I'd rather keep that to myself lol.

The main figure head for pickup in the mainstream was Neil Strauss who ultimately came to the conclusion that "sarging is for losers" because if how ineffective it ultimately is. Most guys really don't get good results from it. There are a few outliers but they're rare.

Anyway good luck.

You're contradicting yourself. You say that cold approach pickup is ineffective (which I agree with), and then you say I should start doing it (cold pickup). Make up your mind.

I don't approach to game though, I genuinely approach to network. For example just had a weekend of meeting great and powerful nightlife contacts (think industry leaders, managers, etc), whom I was introduced to at an event that I got invited to by one of the girls I cold approached. Also had a bunch of women hit on me at this event.

So this one cold approach turned into a dozen business contacts, and a couple of chicks hitting on me (not stunners, but still). From there I'm moving onto to the next ladder, higher-level event, with hotter chicks, where I'm invited by the people I met here.

In any case, one of my goals is to eventually stop auto-rejecting when one of the girls I approach starts IOI-ing hard, but it's just a bonus goal, as again, I'm not approaching to "pickup girls".

 

[Water_Polo]

You're contradicting yourself. You say that cold approach pickup is ineffective (which I agree with), and then you say I should start doing it (cold pickup). Make up your mind.

I don't approach to game though, I genuinely approach to network. For example just had a weekend of meeting great and powerful nightlife contacts (think industry leaders, managers, etc), whom I was introduced to at an event that I got invited to by one of the girls I cold approached. Also had a bunch of women hit on me at this event.

So this one cold approach turned into a dozen business contacts, and a couple of chicks hitting on me (not stunners, but still). From there I'm moving onto to the next ladder, higher-level event, with hotter chicks, where I'm invited by the people I met here.

In any case, one of my goals is to eventually stop auto-rejecting when one of the girls I approach starts IOI-ing hard, but it's just a bonus goal, as again, I'm not approaching to "pickup girls".

It's not worth it for the average guy, because he's not getting the reactions you are. I'm reading your stuff and if I'm seeing it right, it looks like the girls you're approaching are very into you. That's the ideal to strive for but pua doesn't teach you how to get those instantaneous reactions to girls where they're instantly hooked and into you from the beginning in the way in which you're describing.

When I first started doing cold approach there were some nights where I simply couldn't miss, and other nights where I couldn't buy a vowel. Those can't miss nights, I'd venue hop from one bar to another and the girls would all be staring, opening me, receptive from the beginning, touching, and giving deep stares. It's somewhat similar to what you're describing. During those states you can basically pick them up in like 5 to 10 minutes and fuck them on the parking lot. Pua doesn't teach you how to do this though.

Other nights I'd go out and I couldn't catch a break, I'd run into the same girls and they'd loom at me like I was wearing a crown of shit. No amount of game is fixing that. Figuring out the difference was what changed my outlook on everything, especially pua.

If youre getting the reactions your getting, you're far closer than you realize bro. Don't need to do all that networking stuff when the girls are right in front of you and want to keep things moving with you.

I don't recommend cold approach for normal guys because they're basically all running uphill, 6 months to a year. That should give guys an idea on what they're capable of and whether or not doing this is retarded or not. For a lot of guys they're wasting their time, and all the gaslighting about how it's their fault for having bad "game" just annoys me. Most of the so called pros don't know what they're doing.

You're getting better reactions from girls than guys who have been doing this for years lol. You also have no approach anxiety and have similarly high standards, that's not a coincidence. If you want to sleep with these girls you can, don't need to do it the hard way. But that's not what the average guy's baseline is, most guys don't get there. You have to go out enough times to do this to understand what the range of bad reactions to good to amazing ones are, but if you're stuck in a specific range you'll never know what's possible or how to know where you're standing.

 

[bgwh]

It's not worth it for the average guy, because he's not getting the reactions you are. I'm reading your stuff and if I'm seeing it right, it looks like the girls you're approaching are very into you. That's the ideal to strive for but pua doesn't teach you how to get those instantaneous reactions to girls where they're instantly hooked and into you from the beginning in the way in which you're describing.

When I first started doing cold approach there were some nights where I simply couldn't miss, and other nights where I couldn't buy a vowel. Those can't miss nights, I'd venue hop from one bar to another and the girls would all be staring, opening me, receptive from the beginning, touching, and giving deep stares. It's somewhat similar to what you're describing. During those states you can basically pick them up in like 5 to 10 minutes and fuck them on the parking lot. Pua doesn't teach you how to do this though.

Other nights I'd go out and I couldn't catch a break, I'd run into the same girls and they'd loom at me like I was wearing a crown of shit. No amount of game is fixing that. Figuring out the difference was what changed my outlook on everything, especially pua.

If youre getting the reactions your getting, you're far closer than you realize bro. Don't need to do all that networking stuff when the girls are right in front of you and want to keep things moving with you.

I don't recommend cold approach for normal guys because they're basically all running uphill, 6 months to a year. That should give guys an idea on what they're capable of and whether or not doing this is retarded or not. For a lot of guys they're wasting their time, and all the gaslighting about how it's their fault for having bad "game" just annoys me. Most of the so called pros don't know what they're doing.

You're getting better reactions from girls than guys who have been doing this for years lol. You also have no approach anxiety and have similarly high standards, that's not a coincidence. If you want to sleep with these girls you can, don't need to do it the hard way. But that's not what the average guy's baseline is, most guys don't get there. You have to go out enough times to do this to understand what the range of bad reactions to good to amazing ones are, but if you're stuck in a specific range you'll never know what's possible or how to know where you're standing.

I don't get these reactions when I approach them with the intent to pick them up though. Which is why I'm fond of the hybrid system idea: open for networking reasons, and if a girl is clearly into me, transition into pickup.

 

[Water_Polo]

I don't get these reactions when I approach them with the intent to pick them up though. Which is why I'm fond of the hybrid system idea: open for networking reasons, and if a girl is clearly into me, transition into pickup.

It's a range. At the top of the range you'll get girls doing things like crossing their legs (leaky puss), pupils dilating, stuttering, etc that's when it's crazy high but you don't need it to be that good to pull. You're describing stunners as gushing and how people are trying to keep talking to you and how hot girls are trying to give you their numbers lmao. Bro, you're good. You can fuck these girls, you just don't know it yet. In your case, pua and cold approach are 100% doable, if not better than any other method. It's very rare for guys to get there and you don't know it because you just showed up at the scene near the top. Are friend Don Juan isn't there, and like other guys of his rank, it doesn't matter how much pickup content he burns through, he's not getting there unless he figures things out on his own

 

[bgwh]

It's a range. At the top of the range you'll get girls doing things like crossing their legs (leaky puss), pupils dilating, stuttering, etc that's when it's crazy high but you don't need it to be that good to pull. You're describing stunners as gushing and how people are trying to keep talking to you and how hot girls are trying to give you their numbers lmao. Bro, you're good. You can fuck these girls, you just don't know it yet. In your case, pua and cold approach are 100% doable, if not better than any other method. It's very rare for guys to get there and you don't know it because you just showed up at the scene near the top. Are friend Don Juan isn't there, and like other guys of his rank, it doesn't matter how much pickup content he burns through, he's not getting there unless he figures things out on his own

What's your point? I still can escalate even if I opened for networking reasons. What is your goal. What are you trying to accomplish? Do you have a point?

I'm telling you, when I approached people with the intent of "getting laid" I was seen as the creepy guy. I don't get these reactions when I do "Cold approach pickup". Your theories about how things should be are fine, but I'm telling from REAL WORLD practice that it's not true.

Also, there's NOTHING precluding me from escalating a chick once she shows interest. Did you MISS this part of my post? It doesn't have to be from the open. You can open "for social reasons" and STILL escalate. One does not preclude the other. What is your POINT?

Where did I say that I believe I can't or shouldn't escalate on these girls? Where did you read this imaginary line that I didn't wrote and now you invest all this energy trying to convince me to do something that I already am intent on doing. What is your point?