Cultivating the X Factor

[Nicko]

On that note, I've gotta give my man @Nicko credit. I was a little hesitant at first but we decided to meet up in the city last week to talk game. I was really immature at that age so I thought things might be a bit tough but he honestly was really mature. Was also expecting him to look like a kid but he could pass for being in his 20s easily. It was great, it was like winging with one of my other wings in their 20s. In fact it was even better because we could talk freely about SS and GC. I've mentioned GC to my wings a couple of times praising and recommending it, but haven't mentioned SS since I don't want them finding my journal. Obviously we can only stick to daygame for now but looking forward to more outings in the future.

haha ur me making real embarrassed right now lol

Yeah, I don’t think we can edit our old posts which is annoying so we’ll keep this SS our thing for as long as possible haha.

 

[Beam]

haha ur me making real embarrassed right now lol

Good, haha

Yeah, I don’t think we can edit our old posts which is annoying so we’ll keep this SS our thing for as long as possible haha.

It's not even that. There's nothing even incriminating in them - I don't want to edit my old posts at all but just from a privacy perspective it's not something I want too many people I know in real life having access to Not that anyone would have the time to read through the entire thing anyway except me though, haha

 

[ElderPrice]

Bear with me as I comment on your replies here and there:

@ElderPrice I actually did get feedback from one of my wings a couple of weeks back saying I was coming across as a bit "feeble" when calling girls over by tapping them on the arm - and was able to correct this immediately which was awesome. I'd love more of that. Thing is, my wings admit they're not that good and that they've just lucked into a lot of their lays by finding girls who are just into them (numbers game).

This is a good start, and I know what you mean. When I've asked friends for feedback, they're the same kind of hesitancy like you describe. I'd say again, watch your wings as best you can. Really watch their fundamentals, then compare them to yours. Do you feel on the inside like how they appear on the outside? If not, you have some things to work on.

I'm not going to go straight into banging hotties and need to pay my dues.

I found this comment interesting. I know what you mean, but I haven't exactly seen it written in seducer/PUA law that you must 'pay yours dues' before hotties are permitted. Therefore, this may be revealing of a weakness in your current mindset. You *should* value yourself highly and have high standards for yourself. There is no reason to settle for someone you don't really like. The only reason you'd do it is you don't feel good about yourself. That needs fixing, and getting it fixed will make you more attractive to the hotties.

I know, I keep telling myself this but fall into the same mental patterns. I do actually like the spots I go to (also options here are pretty limited anyway, regarding where the hot girls go, I think). I've had plenty of fun nights but at the end of the day when I go home I still feel a sense of loss, like, "banging a cutie would have been the icing on the cake for this awesome night and made it perfect". There's that nagging feeling always present.

I know - I've had that feeling more times than I can count... but it's never helped me do better next time. It never will. It's not a helpful thought. What's going on here is you're setting insanely high expectations each night you go out. Deeply wishing to meet a hot stranger and sleep with her same night is mathematically very difficult, even for the best of the best seducers. If you allow your subconscious to adopt that wish, all you're doing is setting yourself up for disappointment.

This is different than having that outcome as a goal. Or having the goal of wanting to become great with women. You're just separating the two. You can have the goal to become great with women, but it *cannot* be your goal on an individual night. Keep your nightly goals to stuff like 'I just want to meet new people and enjoy the music that I like' and your individual nights will end happily.

1. Comparing myself to other people.

A huuuge one. I compare myself to my wings, I compare myself to posters here, the tribal elders I even compare myself to the random guys I haven't even met yet who girls talk about sleeping with. I see the numbers other guys have slept with including some of my friends and wings (upwards of 50) and feel small and like less of a man, like if people found out I haven't slept with nearly that many they would think differently. Well who cares what anyone else thinks. I'm so much better than I was before, that's the only benchmark I should be comparing myself to (while drawing inspiration from others, not negativity)

Bingo!

This shit is hard, so don't beat yourself up so much.

The past is the past. It is done. You can't change it. Also you are probably being way harder on yourself than anyone else is. Cut it out.

Strip away all the mental bullshit clouding your mind. It's unproductive. Exist in the here and now. The present moment. Enjoy it. Focus on productive thoughts to get you to where you want to be.

Instead of having grand fantasies about where you want to be right now and then getting depressed you aren't there yet, put it to the back of your mind. Still keep it there so you have an idea of where you are going. But the main bulk of your focus should be on taking the next step and the next step only.

One step forward at a time.

Bingo!

A problem I run into - forgetting shit. The eventual end goal for me is to put in a ton of work now so that in the future if I see a hottie I'll know exactly what to do to maximize the chances of bedding her, drawing from a wealth of different expericnes.

I would argue that there's too much to remember, so it's a losing battle trying to or hoping to remember everything, especially for women that pop up unexpectedly. Also I'd argue that this mindset reinforces the counterproductive mindset of 'I can get the girl if I just say/do the right thing.' I believe it's more *how* you say things vs. *what* you say, so I'd argue it's a better use of time to just turn yourself into a man that's cool, calm, and confident all the time. Then you don't have to remember shit... It'll just come out because you're in the right mindset from the start.

Where do you live?? Melbourne?? Get out of there man! At this point, governments have zero excuses to lockdown anymore. Zero!

 

[Beam]

Hey Elder, thanks for the response, appreciate it.

On the "pay your dues" part, I wasn't saying I wasn't going to go for the hotties, just that right now I seem to be focused exclusively on them and am ignoring less attractive but still good looking women who could be good for racking up experience. Not women I don't find attractive at all (though lessons can still be learned from them)

Also I don't think it's a losing battle at all trying to remember everything. It is possible to build it up so much experience that when a random woman pops up you know exactly what to say/do given previous experience - drilling previous lines/routines that worked into the subconscious makes that process a hell of a lot easier and is definitely possible. It's not really too much to remember when you build it up over time.

Yeah, we're in lockdown again. My motivation to meet women has tanked tbh because of it (just because of the expected effort involved in trying to meet them (with masks on) and set up dates/get them straight to mine). Not worth it given this lockdown is only going to last for another week or so so I've been been focusing on some other lifestyle upgrades (making music etc) until it's over. Which should be just over a week, then, full steam ahead!

 

[Beam]

Updates:

Not much to report. Haven't really felt like myself over the last few weeks since I've been out of the game for a bit and also it's been wet, and getting dark earlier which I think has been affecting my mood. Feel a bit out of shape as well. Masks are also mandatory indoors and outdoors which has been frustrating. Haven't done too many cold approaches (a few here and there). I'm excited that after the 21st the days are going to start getting longer again.

European girl (with Nicko) (Direct)

Got number, strong hook. Responded enthusiastically. Said she was busy that week but suggested next week. Now we are in lockdown. Going to ping her infrequently over text to keep her warm - she leaves for Queensland in a month.

Reengaged with some light chit chat during lockdown, and suggesting meeting up at a park (during lockdown), she was against it saying it would "defeat the purpose of lockdown" and also saying that she "didn't want to risk going to any exposure sites since she was planning on leaving the state as soon as restrictions lifted". I tried addressing these concerns saying that meeting up in a park wasn't going against the rules and, being conscious of what others said about not appealing to her logical objections but instead trying to appeal to her emotions, kept things lighthearted and framed it as being a fun escape from lockdown and that it'd be worth it. No response. Restrictions have eased up now so I think in this case it would have been better to wait and attempted the meet now (since interstate travel is still not allowed).

Besides that I've been matching with and messaging some cuties online. One is a sexy dancer a couple years older than me and she has been sending me paragraphs of texts, almost immediately. I'm conscious of sending her into autorejection so have been trying to text back at least once a day but I made it clear that I wasn't that big on texting to get to know someone. She agreed. She's got exams until the 20th and said that she'd be able to give me her "undivided attention" after that.

Also... I think I'm not attracted to Strawberry anymore. Don't know whether she gained a bit over of lockdown or what, but when she came over a few days ago I felt nothing. I didn't enjoy kissing her (it wasn't unpleasant but I just felt nothing) and the sex wasn't as good (she still said she had fun). It felt like a chore. And I was fantasizing about other girls the entire time. Kind of bummed out that I'm feeling this way only after a month and a half of sleeping with her (it's felt like a lot longer than that) but it's further proof to myself that I will never be happy settling for less than what I truly want. Thing is she's still cute and conventionally pretty so I don't really know what's up.

 

[Lobo]

honestly dread Friday and Saturday nights now and success still feels like it is out of my reach. Reason is because of the amount of time I have put into it with pretty much nothing to show for it.

Hey Beam I'm not sure if you've found a solution for this... but I've recently experienced this feeling of dread, especially before approaching a girl. I assumed the interaction would go poorly and would quickly find an excuse to not get to the girl and talk to her (oh she's too far, she's walking too fast, eh not the hottest(even though still in HB territory, and it's not like I have an abundance of pussy right now). I'm not sure if this is the problem you are dealing with exactly(assuming the negative) but it is a dreadful feeling that crushed my hope before even entering a set. It created hesitance among the waves of doubt, made me question myself and my goals/ability to achieve them, and made the overall experience... unpleasant.

One thing I relooked was actually one of the first things I saw when I started to take game seriously and it was Denton Fisher's(old gc writer) youtube videos on fundamentals, which were actually really good. Of most impact was Assuming the Positive, which I now see as a frame control technique but for yourself. It boils down to the fact that you play a large role in how you CHOOSE to perceive things in life, and just how you can change the frame to influence your interactions with the girls you are seducing, so too can you change frames to influence your own perception of reality.

By assuming the positive, you look at every interaction, every night out, ANYTHING in life, and view it from a positive lens(frame), and by doing so you will purposefully find the good in anything(you find what you look for). The end result of this glass half-empty frame technique is that you influence your brain and its neurological feedback mechanisms into finding the things that make you happy because what is "the positive" in "assume the positive" but the things we subjectively enjoy or desire? We might share commonalities in what we view as "the positive" to a certain thing, but ultimately it is in the eye of the beholder to choose what is positive in their life. And by seeking the positive, which really is what makes you happy, you will undoubtedly make yourself happy, and enjoy all the things you influence your mind to enjoy, seduction included.

There are also likely some interactions with dopamine reward pathways in your brain that could be further discussed with this topic, but I am not a scientist with that knowledge so take this with a grain of salt as what I say next is mostly intuition. But by selectively filtering FOR the positive and looking for things that make you happy, (which in turn make you happy when you do what you are doing) you rewire your brain to enjoy the process and you even start to go out for those good emotions you've implanted into your brain from previously assuming the positive. This is like how you start to feel good simply by thinking about sex(unless one has had bad experiences with sex and then the opposite would occur). The same can apply to going out to improve our seduction skills, which makes our ability to assume the positive a major benefit or cost to our overall momentum.

The video:

 

[Beam]

Hey Beam I'm not sure if you've found a solution for this... but I've recently experienced this feeling of dread, especially before approaching a girl. I assumed the interaction would go poorly and would quickly find an excuse to not get to the girl and talk to her (oh she's too far, she's walking too fast, eh not the hottest(even though still in HB territory, and it's not like I have an abundance of pussy right now). I'm not sure if this is the problem you are dealing with exactly(assuming the negative) but it is a dreadful feeling that crushed my hope before even entering a set. It created hesitance among the waves of doubt, made me question myself and my goals/ability to achieve them, and made the overall experience... unpleasant.

Hey man, I haven't found a solution for it yet. I made a follow up post on the 24th of May with some possible reasons for why I was feeling this way and possible solutions. I also had a chat to a mentor of mine here, but I haven't gone out in the last couple of weeks because of new lockdowns and restrictions so haven't tested anything yet. Definitely parallels in what you're feeling - mine is general dread about the whole night, rather than specific girls - with specific girls instead of dread I get feelings of apathy - "what's the point of even approaching, this is going to go nowhere" which is still unpleasant. And still assuming the negative.

One thing I relooked was actually one of the first things I saw when I started to take game seriously and it was Denton Fisher's(old gc writer) youtube videos on fundamentals, which were actually really good. Of most impact was Assuming the Positive, which I now see as a frame control technique but for yourself. It boils down to the fact that you play a large role in how you CHOOSE to perceive things in life, and just how you can change the frame to influence your interactions with the girls you are seducing, so too can you change frames to influence your own perception of reality.

By assuming the positive, you look at every interaction, every night out, ANYTHING in life, and view it from a positive lens(frame), and by doing so you will purposefully find the good in anything(you find what you look for). The end result of this glass half-empty frame technique is that you influence your brain and its neurological feedback mechanisms into finding the things that make you happy because what is "the positive" in "assume the positive" but the things we subjectively enjoy or desire? We might share commonalities in what we view as "the positive" to a certain thing, but ultimately it is in the eye of the beholder to choose what is positive in their life. And by seeking the positive, which really is what makes you happy, you will undoubtedly make yourself happy, and enjoy all the things you influence your mind to enjoy, seduction included.

His videos are awesome. I've known about him for a while and have seen his videos and follow him on instagram. I've used that technique on a few nights out but I seem to slip back into old habits, particularly when I still get rejection after rejection. It seems like to make it stick it really needs to be practiced everyday. You can't just "turn on" assuming the positive at will at night without practice.

There are also likely some interactions with dopamine reward pathways in your brain that could be further discussed with this topic, but I am not a scientist with that knowledge so take this with a grain of salt as what I say next is mostly intuition. But by selectively filtering FOR the positive and looking for things that make you happy, (which in turn make you happy when you do what you are doing) you rewire your brain to enjoy the process and you even start to go out for those good emotions you've implanted into your brain from previously assuming the positive. This is like how you start to feel good simply by thinking about sex(unless one has had bad experiences with sex and then the opposite would occur). The same can apply to going out to improve our seduction skills, which makes our ability to assume the positive a major benefit or cost to our overall momentum.

The video:

This reminds me of something a mentor of mine recently told me. He said that when we try to be in a certain state (in this case, positive, which helps us see the positives elsewhere), it can sometimes feel fleeting because it's not our natural state, and it doesn't feel like we are being ourselves. What he said would help is internalizing the fact that that this is your natural state, that that is you. How do you do that? He said to close your eyes, and think of times in your past when you were that person (on a night out, with friends etc) and to form a patchwork of these experiences in your head.

The next step was to think of a personality trait of yours that you were 100% certain of. For instance, you might think "I am a funny person. people think I'm hilarious, that is me" and to visualize that as a space separate from the patchwork you created earlier. That is your space, that is "you". He then said, with your eyes closed, take the patchwork of evidence and move it to the "you" space, and that this would help internalize that patchwork as being you. So, if I wanted to be a positive force on a night out, I would look for evidence for when I was that person, move it to the "you" space and then that would help convince my brain that that is my identity. He mentioned that it's something you need to practice doing over time, everyday.

He then mentioned that once it is part of your identity, you will naturally seek out experiences that align with it in this case, more positive experiences. Similar to what Denton says (I think the two of them have actually met and gamed together)

 

[Beam]

Damn, been a while since I've posted. To summarize the last couple of weeks I've basically been doing a lot of inner work. The positivity challenge that I attempted back in March I have started again, this time with financial accountability with a wing of mine. If I don't meditate every day, self affirm everyday, and attempt to turn fatalistic negative thoughts into positive productive ones for 30 straight days, I lose a lot of money. He's keeping me accountable.

That being said, it's time to be real. Can't help but being a little disappointed when I look back at the start of this journal. 7 months in, I've had 3 lays - one cold approach with a 10, two from online (one with a girl I was not that attracted to and another cute one (Strawberry) who became a regular (I'm not sure why, but I completely lost attraction for her, struggled to get hard because of it despite getting my hands on viagra and so it fizzled away). Fashion has been upgraded immensely, online profile has been improved and I match with some very attractive women now (currently dating one, a super sexy dancer who despite my attempts and inviting her home is holding off, haven't even kissed her yet after two dates which is lame - she is definitely trying to boyfriend zone me).

Despite this and the reason I'm a bit disappointed is my game and underlying psychology haven't improved much since the start of the journal. Main reason being I haven't put in enough volume. Nightgame I am still failing to hook and haven't been approaching enough, and daygame, despite being pretty decent at the process, haven't been approaching enough. Started trying more structured game but then allowed lockdowns to throw me off.

Going all in and approaching at least 20 girls a week and reviewing what worked and what didn't was the goal, and I haven't done that consistently. While I read about how to open, how to move the convo forward and have been trying out new techniques and tactics on girls, I haven't been doing it consistently, not enough to get a good sample size and not enough to make the lessons stick so it becomes automatic for the things that are good. I seem to massively lack self discipline in this area.

Part of it has been complacency due to online even though my results have been mediocre from there too. Part of it has been good old fashioned AA. But another part of it is this....and it's probably irrational, but.. I've been out quite a bit now and have actually started to recognize and even run into the same girls at places I go, mainly with nightgame but even in daygame too on occasion. And part of me has started to become afraid of "running out" of girls or trying out techniques and things going wrong.

With daygame I'm aiming to retire my standard run past and loop back direct opener (I only use this if I can't think of anything else to say) and experiment with getting a lot more creative and a lot more under the radar. Besides, a lot of guys are doing the run and compliment now and girls are catching on (I've had a few now tell me how they've been approached the same way by other guys multiple ways now). It's coming across too rehearsed and not genuine anymore.

Planning on trying out some of guns stuff (have already tried out the "you look like my ex" a couple of times - I feel weird about using this one despite it having pretty good reactions and today the girl kept bombarding me with questions asking for photos and her name so she could search for her on social media. Probably because I didn't do it correctly and made too much of a deal about how uncanny the resemblance was instead of launching into the focus on her. Of course she was going to get curious. Also planning on straight trying out Ricardus "Are you single" opener. Haven't had the confidence to pull this one off but I'm slowly starting to understand it's power and why you would want to use it over what I have been doing with my direct approaches. I can be a bit stubborn.

 

[Beam]

Quick update:

I'm still alive. Basically to summarize we have been stuck in a bunch of stupid lockdowns over the last month which have killed my momentum. Now it's possible to make it work and I know guys who have been getting girls over to theirs - even I've broken the rules and have gone on dates (didn't really feel it) and on saturday made out with a chick on her couch. But for the most part, I've been in hermit mode focusing on other endeavours (fitness, music, business) until this shit blows over since it's more time efficient to be working on this now as an investment for the future.

Always moving forward.

 

[Beam]

Non-pickup (but still related to pickup) observation.

I've realized that there is a certain way of relating to the world in that differentiates the attractive from the non-attractive. Tony picked it up in a practice date I had. And it goes something like this:

I am humble. At least I thought I was humble. When girls asked about my hobbies or it came up, I would say "oh, I play piano" or "I have a motorbike" in passing. They would get excited about the topic, but I would steer the conversation away from that. I thought that was being humble, and would probe them to ask more. Playing Mr. Mysterious.

Tony picked this up and told me that if a girl is extremely interested in the topic, don't divert away from it, double down and tease her about it. For instance, if she finds out I ride a motorbike and gets really interested, instead of shying away from the topic, give her a smile and wink - "you're imagining us riding off into the sunset right now aren't you?" or similar. Note this particular line hasn't been field tested but I feel it would go down well.

But, I digress. Why do I shy away? It's not that I am being humble. In reality I am hiding. I am hiding because I am not as good at piano or riding motorbikes as she probably expects, and I am afraid of her getting more interested and finding out and getting disappointed. She would pick up that I wasn't sharing myself with her, that something felt off. Same goes for talking about sex, and shying away from the topic, because of a lack of confidence in that area.

This isn't mysterious. And it's not attractive. What is attractive is teasing her about it, sharing it with her. Because it shows that you're confident and competent in that area. Teasing the possibility of taking her for a ride, teasing the possibility of playing a song for her. Teasing the possibility of being able to educate her in this area. You know you can do these things. Of course you can. And it brings a sense of ease when talking to her about it, because you're not hiding anything. And even if you're not quite there yet, you own that too. If you're working on getting better at guitar, or riding your bike, instead of feeling ashamed and shying away from the topic because you feel you're not good enough, smile, look her in the eyes and own the fact you're on the path. Because you trust yourself enough to know that you will get there.

Attractive men either have their shit together or if they don't, are confident that they can get their shit together if they work at it. Which brings a sense of ease.

So this means that if I want to have that sense of ease and confidence as I go through my life, I have to strive for mastery in all aspects of my life that I value instead of giving it a feeble attempt and then feeling ashamed/hiding when a girl asks about it. Obvious of course to outsiders but this is my journey and for some reason I haven't felt this realization so strongly before.

Most of what I value outside of seduction is still related to women. Music, I want to be at a level where I can perform to women (and others, it feels good playing for friends, family and other people I don't want to fuck too). Exercise, I want to be at a level where my body and moves I can pull off are impressive to women. Of course the ridiculous strength will also be valuable as I age without breaking down. Financial independence - main reason I want this is so I will be able to set my own hours instead of working a 9-5 so I can go out and meet beautiful women and work on my other hobbies that are related to women. Lol. In the future it will probably be related to giving my future offspring a better life yadda yadda but for now it's so I have more time for women.

I have started taking baby steps in this direction. Where before I would mess around playing improv tunes on my piano to myself, I am now learning full songs so I can actually perform them (so if a girl wants to hear a song I don't shrivel up and hide but instead look at her with a smile and say "sure"). Where before I would just lift weights just to maintain my decent physique, I am now trying to learn moves like the handstand and (long term) the planche - pushing my body to become extremely strong and capable in new ways. Have also seriously started the process of launching an online business.

Playing it mysterious which is what I have been doing has been playing a feminine role. Getting to a high level and demonstrating it to others, making yourself heard and known, showing yourself to the world and not shying away from it. This is masculine.

 

[Beam]

But yeah, none of this stuff is a substitute for game of course. It's more related to building up social value to help my social frame as I get older. Some good news - I got my first jab yesterday and there looks like there's going to be an end date to this lockdown - when we reach 80% of the population double vaxxed - around the end of october. I'll be getting my second jab start of october and there have been talks of more freedoms for the double vaxxed, so hopefully there will be more freedoms for me before that.

Some bad news - one of my housemates is moving out and because of lockdown it's been extremely difficult finding other people to cover her. If we can't find someone we'll have to pay extra rent and if that goes on too long - will mean that we'll have to break the lease since that is unsustainable and I'll have to either find another place or if I can't (because it can be hard finding good places), temporarily moving back with the folks until I find somewhere. There's that nagging worry that I'll be back at mum and dads over summer right when we've come out of lockdown with all the hunnies out and about which would suck major ass. Not an ideal situation but will pull through!

 

[Beam]

Short but important update - since it can help me in the future if I find myself in similar situations.

Despite working on other areas during this time, due to the uncertainty of the length of this neverending lockdown and my now very lengthy dry spell, nagging old feelings started to creep back, accelerated in the last week. Started losing confidence and hope in the future bit by bit. Started feeling angry that this situation could have been so easily prevented by our incompetent "leaders". I first noticed this downward spiral a week ago and so started approaching chicks again to try to get myself out of the rut. The rust is there. Voice has been weak, and I've been ejecting way too early (simple compliment, then eject).

Hit rock bottom yesterday. I looked myself in the mirror - my hair was long and messy after not having a haircut, legs noticeably looked smaller due to no gym, looked and felt tired, felt like an old man and my brain started telling me "this is going to be your life now".

I recognized this for what it was and looked at old photos of myself from the last lockdown, where I looked similar, knowing that after that I managed to get better fundamentals than I had ever had before. This gave me perspective. This is temporary and I will get out of it.

Got up this morning, gave myself a haircut. And immediately felt like my old self again. Went out, approached a chick in the supermarket - she was responsive but she didn't look as attractive up close (even though she had the mask on). That was partly the reason I didn't stay in set but the rust hasn't magically disappeared yet so that played a role too. Still, voice was on point. I felt calm, confident and sexy. The checkout girls were more friendly. Walked around like a boss. I was getting stared at by quite a few members of the public.

I don't feel like an old man anymore. I feel like the young, sexy man I am.

I know that something like this will sneak up on me again at some point in my life but the more I can lift myself out of it the easier it will be. And can hopefully help me prevent it happening.

The power of perception and perspective.

 

[Beam]

Notes from the last week. Memory is a bit hazy but lets see how well I can recall what happened.

Approach 1: Two set of hotties at the cafe. Walked over boldly. Opened strongly - addressing the blondie on the right I wanted. "I saw you over here looking fantastic, I was over there. And thought, there's way too much space between us." They were all smiles and shocked. Shittested me on if I did this all the time. Came back saying "No, I'm just coming out of my shell. The lockdown has started turning me into an awkward 17 year old again". Laughs. Third friend came (not as cute). They started asking me questions, where I was from. Third friend started asking for advice about getting around the area as she'd just moved. Their coffees came and they bid me farewell with a smile.

What I did well: Bold, strong open. Didn't get nervous and felt comfortable in the interaction. I generally am comfortable talking to groups of girls, but not isolating.

What I didn't do well: Weak intent after the open. Should have asked the one on the left if I "could steal your friend" for a couple of minutes in an attempt to isolate.

Approach 2: Tall girl walking back. Chickened out initially but ran back. Opened direct saying she caught my eye. "Is it because I'm tall?". Had a short, fun interaction. Number closed, responded to the icebreaker saying she wasn't looking for a guy right now but was happy being friends. Swallowed my pride and said "fair enough", asking for her facebook or insta.

What I did well: Bold, strong open.

What I didn't do well: Platonic interaction. Knew the number close was weak. Maybe could have been more flirty responding to her text saying "sure, let's be friends . Let me know what your facebook or insta is" instead of asking for it like a chode.

Approach 3: Girl walking in front of me. Approached, opened direct. She laughed and smiled. But was not as attractive as I though (nice body though). She ejected. Not much to say about this one.

Approach 4: Girl walking in front of me. Small, tight waistline. Delicious. Looked intimidating though. Direct from behind. She seemed genuinely flattered. But told me she had a partner. Started asking about her day and walking with her anyway. Then said "happy to walk and chat if you want" like a chode. She said she was heading up to the supermarket and started walking faster. Didn't want to walk and chat. Probably thought I wouldn't leave.


Approach 5: Girl walking in front of me with ice cream. Same approach type as before. Direct from behind. Seems surprised, said "oh thanks" unenthusisastically and walked faster. This was the same outing as approach 4. Fundamentals in both interactions were not that good (shorts, hair hadn't been probably combed back, old jacket). Looked and felt lame. Could have been the cause of the girls wanting to bounce.

Probably saw me as some kind of threat, made them uncomfortable. Instead of comfortable as they should feel with an attractive man.

Approach 6: Hot blond in park. Me - wearing a grey wife beater (but it showed of my muscles). She was flattered, stopped to chat but had to leave to meet her friend. Told her to stay two more minutes. She did. But then had to bounce. Told me "I'm in this park a lot so we'll probably see each other again">Felt it was too early and hadn't built up enough attraction. And felt if she was interested truly she would have had no problem staying in the interaction. So didn't even try number closing.

Passed on some more opportunities on this outing with girls looking at me - reason in my head was they were wearing masks and I couldn't see their faces. Lame really, since I've approached heaps of girls with masks now. Sort of beat myself up about those ones since they looked cute. Still, with the masks my direct opens seem a lot less real and believable on the girls end. I fucking hate them and can't wait til they're not mandatory anymore.

Approach 7: Intimidating but hot looking girl in a blue sweater. Passed, looped back. When she heard my opener she gave a "huff" and a dismissive laugh and walked away. Brutal. Main reason - I rejected myself. Didn't believe in the approach based on what she looked like. Was expecting rejection. Sounded scripted. The intent wasn't there, it wasn't real. And she sensed that. Hence the bad reaction. Vowed to be more enthusiastic with the next one.

Approach 8: Tall hot blonde. Passed, ran back as she was taking off her mask to go to her car. Strongly opened keeping in mind what happened with the last approach. She gave a genuine smile and loved it but told me she had a partner.


MAIN TAKEAWAYS

Realized that the worst blowouts I've had have always been in situations where I haven't truly believed in myself going into the interaction based on how the girl has looked. Rather than excitement it is dread - "I have to do this". And she senses I don't truly want to be there.

But this is horseshit. I do want to be there. Deep down I do want to bang her. The reason my body is telling me this is a chore is because it is expecting pain. Failure. Based on past experiences with girls like that.

I am not bitter towards women anymore. I sorted that out a long time ago. Replaced it with the intent to love women. But have found this hard to do given the rejections I have faced.

Need to go further. I need to truly believe it. Every girl I see. I need to love her. And what does this look like. It means being excited when I see her rather than anticipating pain. It means when I go up to her, being genuine in expressing my desire from her instead of following a script or doing it "because I have to". Making her feel special. Really focus on giving her a good real experience instead of being a beggar on the street.

Biggest focus for the next ones. Truly, see that hot woman walking down the street and be interested in her. Be curious about who she is, what makes her tick. Go up to her and express your desire for her in a real genuine way. Instead of "oh hot girl, I have to approach because" and half assing it expecting failure. That is how you actually show love for her and she will feel that. Feel excited. She will feel your real excitement and even if not interested it might melt something in her and lead to at least not a harsh blowout.

 

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Approach log from last five days (pretty much all direct)

Two I missed from the previous journal:

1 set: Hot woman walking on path, passed and looped back. Seemed a bit older, early - mid 30s. She was flattered, had a long conversation, had to go to meet her friend, used *two minutes* to get her to stay a bit longer, she left soon after. Sensed no attraction.

1 set: Woman in 7/11. Pretended to pass her on the way out then feigned being surprised spotting her. Smiled immediately, sensed attraction. Was persistent, getting her to stay in the interaction. But she revealed she had a boyfriend. Used the "We've just met and you're already calling me your boyfriend. Geez". She laughed a bit but sensed this was going to go nowhere. Parted ways.

Saturday - Wearing black t-shirt, bright blue jeans.

Summary: 7 - 8 approaches, including 3 two sets, 1 five set, 1 seated set (sitting down in park) . Chickened out of the first of the day (hot fit blonde because of how far I would have had to run after her. Need to get over this bs since it's happening too often now)

1 set: Polite but not interested

2 set: Beautiful doctor. Opened addressing the friend first (as Hector recommended in MGE). Friend was loving it "she is isn't she!!" Stunted interaction, full of awkward pauses, attempted to isolate by asking friend if I could steal her for two minutes, friend egged her to do it but the doctor said "we're part of a chain" and they left after that.

1 set: Cute blonde - passed, looped back. Solid interaction, she was happy to chat. Light touching, not much flirtation. Number closed. Made plans for a park date. Like an idiot she asked me an engineering question that I didn't know the answer to, got insecure about not knowing it and waffled some bs I saw in a doco years ago. She could tell I was bsing. Stupid stupid. Should have just admitted I didn't know. Thought that killed the interaction but she responded to the icebreaker, asking for my instagram. Another silly move here, I had recently added some new great pics to my instagram (showing off my fashion, with my niece and nephew, and one with my housemates (both female) looking boss). So I went experimental mode and thought "ok, lets see if this is enough", told her my insta, then said lets message here instead since I don't use it much. She followed me. Stopped responding to my texts but hasn't unfollowed me. Lesson learned. Insta can fuck off indefinitely. Small sample size but now have never had a girl give me a bad reaction to me telling them I don't have insta, but multiple have stopped responding even after "improving" my profile. So I'm not giving it out anymore. I'll still build it up showing off more high value activities as I get better at them (music, fitness)

2 set: hot younger girl. Flattered but didn't push the interaction, because again, didn't believe in myself enough to.

5 set: Approach the AFOG. Bantered back and forth. Friend joined in. Stayed in interaction a long time but after a while wasn't going anywhere. They bailed.

1 set: Super hot fashionable asian girl. Long interaction, took her hand to introduce myself, she told me she hadn't held anyones hands in so long. Invited her out for a park date, she said she wanted to find out more first and asked if I had facebook. For this girl I thought it wouldn't be too risky. Made the assumption that my facebook would really only kill interactions with hot westernized girls, but this one would be more forgiving. Was right, added her, she has messaged back. Aim is to build up some rapport before going for the meet.

1 set: sitting down in park. This type of set has traditionally intimidated me but surprise surprise, nothign bad happened. She was eating, from Belgium. Had a nice interaction, asked if I could sit down (as Hector does in MGE) but she revealed she had a partner and was going to join her work mates soon.

2 set: Sexy blonde, boyfriend objection.

1 set: Direct approach in a small alleyway right in front of 5 graffiti artists and a bunch of my neighbours who had their garage door open. Surprise surprise. Nothing bad happened. Proud of myself for that one.

Sunday - sunny out and near beach, so wore my grey tank top showing off my muscles

Out the door, an older dude came to talk to me and asked if I was a personal trainer (lol) because I looked like one and started asking for workout advice. I thanked him for the compliment and stopped to chat, helping where I could.

At beach

3 set: Direct open in front of cafe with crowds of people around. Friends said it was awesome. She looked shocked but wasn't interested.

1 set: Sitting down reading. Direct open. Boyfriend objection. Didn't push.

1 set: Hot blonde with banging bod. Gave me a weird look, and kept walking without saying a word.

Actually chickened out of a few more and the beach itself and felt my state start to crash. Called it early.

Wednesday (today)

1 set: Hot blonde. Passed and looped back. Genuinely flattered but had a partner. I can tell nonverbally if they do now. It's funny, it's like a hesitation and a while I am talking. Like they are truly flattered but also sad at having to reveal the truth to let me down.

1 set: Holy moly this girl was beautiful. Tall, tanned brunette. Shapely ass. She actually walked past while I was talking to the previous set. After we had stopped talking and I started walking I saw her ahead of me. Initial thought was "shit, she probably saw me approaching that other girl and now I can't approach her. But she looks so much hotter. Walked behind her and caught up and the traffic lights. Got a glance of her face and my god this girl was beautiful. Easily one of if not the most naturally beautiful girls I have seen this year. But alas. I opened her while we were walking along the traffic lights. Voice was not strong. But it was definitely genuine. She was flattered "That is so sweet!". I then went to say "going for a walk?" but she had already walked ahead and I don't think she heard me. I felt weird about running after her again to engage in conversation. And let her walk... Fuck.

1 set: Gorgeous girl, but said she was in a rush to get to a meeting.



What I am proud of:
Approaching many sets that traditionally have intimidated me (two sets, younger two sets, a five set, a girl seated in the park, another girl reading in a park in front of many onlookers, a girl right in front of 5 graffiti artists and a bunch of my neighbours in a small alleyway right near my house. No one cared). I am a lot less fearful now than I used to be.

Genuine openers. Only one blowout - all the girls seemed flattered save for the blowout and the first girl - and even then that was a warm up and didn't project myself very well.

What I could have done better:
I tell myself that it's rust from not approaching for so long. But really, I have never been that good and persisting through sets when the girl doesn't give me much to work with initially. Where before I was rejecting myself on the open, now I am rejecting myself in the interaction itself and so not persisting and seeing it through to the end.

Out of all the 17 approaches detailed here, only 3 led to solid interactions, and out of those interactions, 2 led to facebook/number closes. The rest were short, polite interactions, with a lot of boyfriend objections, one blowout.

My fundamentals are definitely not as good as they were at the start of the year (bw exercise can only get you so far) so this may have played a part. But also, I need to be a bit more manly. Establish more of a man to woman frame. Currently lacking.

Be more scientific about this. I've told myself I'm going to do this mutliple times now, but usually end up going out, approaching and forgetting to. Which is, going out specifically with a goal to try out specific actions/words.

In the immediate future - something I want to work on is

1. Using Hectors "thumb point back" when telling a girl where you came from.
2. Lightly touching her on the arm when approaching her. This one could be very important in helping remove me from platonic territory in their minds into "wow, this guy has balls" territory

 

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Summary of last two days:

Thursday:

Out on my lunch break, spotted a brunette hottie with a banging bod walking the other way I was supposed to go (was heading to my car to drive for lunch). So I ditched the car idea and turned the other way - walking behind her. Did the annoying thing of not jogging up to her, but in this case it worked out since she turned around to look at a window - glanced her face, opened direct. Short interaction, she was interested. Number closed, going on a park date with her tomorrow.

Passed up another good opportunity with a blonde cutie who locked eyes with me crossing the traffic lights. I had spotted her before getting to the traffic lights, so should have pulled back, not crossed and waited for her to come to my side.

Friday (today)

Girl with banging bod walking on the opposite side. There was a woman walking behind her who I was conscious of. Ran over that side, jogged up to her and opened. Married but flattered. The woman behind walked past me and I think it was my neighbour.

Two set: Locked eyes with a woman walking past. Ran back and opened. There was definitely interest there but it faltered during the interaction as there were a lot of awkward pauses. I've made a voice memo going into details on this one. It's a pattern now with the two sets. Lots of awkward pauses. Part of it is due to a failure to isolate then my brain churning thinking of how to focus on the one I want, end result being I blank out.

One set beautiful blonde. Passed, looped back. She was speaking in a foreign language to someone through her earphones, but took them out to talk. She is anything but as I heard the aussie accent come out. We briefly talked, I could tell she was impressed by my confidence. Found out she was born in Poland and speaking Polish to her mum. I told her I'd love to keep chatting but didn't want to keep her from her mum - she was then the one to suggest exchanging numbers. She has been responsive over text. This is a strong one, but not sure how to deal with it - feel like since the interaction was short I may have to build up a bit of rapport over text being suggesting a meet - going to try to aim for Sunday.

Good lesson from this one - if she has to leave and you haven't found out anything about her but the vibe is strong, you can still go for the # close, acknowledging it as such and showing that you have standards - saying something like "I'd love to chat some more, but since you've got to get going, why don't we exchange numbers so we can continue this another time, to see if we click?" or something along those lines.

Chickened out of some others - realize I can now confidently approach when guys and middle aged/older women are around, but get AA when there are other attractive women in eyesight/earshot.

Really really pissed at myself for failing to open a hot young tall two set (one blonde, one brunette) walking out of the supermarket. Let AA get the better of me. They were talking enthusiastically, heading home I assume. Fuck. Having a threesome with two young tall chicks is like a fantasy of mine. Would have been a great reference experience if I'd just run up and done something, it was like a gift from the gods. Who knows, we might have clicked, they might have both loved me and invited me back to theirs for fun times. Lol, ok, that's a stretch. But that's the sort of thing that should be fueling me. There was a chance. And I didn't take that chance.

This post has been light on details but it's late - and have more details in my voice memos. Proud of myself for the last two days though, have been productive (still forgot to touch them on the arm or do the thumb point back though. It's like when I go to do the approach my subconcious mind takes over and I forget, some reprogramming is required)

 

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What an emotional rollercoaster

Out on my lunch break, spotted a brunette hottie with a banging bod walking the other way I was supposed to go (was heading to my car to drive for lunch). So I ditched the car idea and turned the other way - walking behind her. Did the annoying thing of not jogging up to her, but in this case it worked out since she turned around to look at a window - glanced her face, opened direct. Short interaction, she was interested. Number closed, going on a park date with her tomorrow.

Summary - Fail.

Will have to write a detailed FR on this. She wasn't drinking which didn't help after I asked her if she was a red or white wine fan. Turned up , park was full of people, great weather. Plan was to sit down for a bit, then go for a walk to move her around, then invite her home. Was feeling a bit overconfident after a couple of practice dates with Tony which went amazingly well - went in with high energy. Deep dived. She lit up when I brought up piano as she was trying to learn too. Complete change in demeanour. Excitement, but no doe eyes. I teased her about wanting me to play for her/ us being able to busk together in the future (we frame/roleplay) but they didn't hit. Touched her lightly at points, ramped it up a bit throughout but there was still distance between us. No sex talk. Talked about covid hobbies (cocktail making etc) Talked about vaccines for ages. Stayed on this topic way too long. Should have moved back to more seductive topics. Started to lightly rain after 40 minutes then went away. I suggested going to mine instead if it rained - she said "let's enjoy the sun". Negative compliance. Weak frame. This is a sticking point. I'm still terrible at handling standard objections, letting them pass too easily. Letting the girls control the frame with their weak bs objections. I agreed like a chump. 10 minutes later the rain came back, people started to leave. She suggested leaving as it was going to rain. Date already over after an hour on her terms. Not good. At the end said "that was short but fun. Let's make cocktails and you can see my piano next time". She enthusiastically (lol) agreed. Next day after texting some more got the "it was nice but didn't feel the spark". Took it hard. Felt like the worlds biggest loser. Relapsed a bit by jerking off a lot.

What I should have done:
So, obviously the interaction shouldn't have gotten stale to the point where she decided to leave after 1 hour. But I just let her go like a chump. I was free, she was free. At this point should have invited her back to mine again. "It's early, why don't we go grab a cocktail and check out the piano now?"

And been more commanding about it. As if her leaving is the silliest thing in the world and that of course she's going to have more fun with me than at home. This is something I need to write a detailed post about. The attitude I need to take. Overcoming objections. Because it's a pattern from the approach (oh I have a boyfriend) to the date (oh I have to go home blah blah) to my home (oh I have to go, blah blah blah) - and I'm too accommodating. Need to strike that balance - not being pushy - being fully ok with her leaving but having the mindset of "yeah we're going to have way more fun here" with a commanding yet warm tone.

One set beautiful blonde. Passed, looped back. She was speaking in a foreign language to someone through her earphones, but took them out to talk. She is anything but as I heard the aussie accent come out. We briefly talked, I could tell she was impressed by my confidence. Found out she was born in Poland and speaking Polish to her mum. I told her I'd love to keep chatting but didn't want to keep her from her mum - she was then the one to suggest exchanging numbers. She has been responsive over text. This is a strong one, but not sure how to deal with it - feel like since the interaction was short I may have to build up a bit of rapport over text being suggesting a meet - going to try to aim for Sunday.

Summary - Wait till the end - it's funny.

Organised a call after she said she was free Saturday night for one. It's lockdown so I agreed. But starting a party with the housemates - messaged her to suggest postponing, she said she couldn't as she was busy tomorrow. 10 minutes before the time I was originally going to call, the party starts to die down, so I text her saying I can call again. No answer. So I call her at 10 past. No answer.

I thought, that was it. I'd blown my shot. Not because of postponing but because it probably looked like I dropped my party to call her, coming across as needy.

I decide to give it space. Let sunday pass, but make a voice message to send her monday morning, basically saying hope she had a great weekend, sharing details of mine, then saying "we should have that call".

She sends a voice message of her own, sounding very polite and almost bored, like this was an obligation. But saying she was happy to chat. I say I'm free after 8 that night. Plan was to find out more about her then if we clicked - inviting her out the next day (today) since it was sunny.

She doesn't respond but ends up calling me at 8:30. We play phone tag since I'm cooking, and get on a call at 9:15.

After chatting back and forth, finding out more about her and vice versa, she drops this bombshell. "So, I just want to let you know. That you're probably a lot younger than me". After enquiring more, I find out that she is not late 20s like I thought, she is actually 41, turning 42 in Jan. Ho Lee Fuk. Could not believe it. She then said that this is only going to be friends because of the age gap, but that the reason she wanted to chat was because she wanted to thank me for approaching her, telling me how awesome it was and encouraging me to keep doing it. Of course I didn't let the age thing stop me and tried to keep flirting but she threw off all attempts. Said that we'd probably run into each other again on the track I met her on.

The next day (today), I go out approaching in that same spot again. I see a beautiful blonde walking past fast. I chicken out initially, but then say "no, I've got to". I run back, open, and guess who turns around to face me? LOL. Unbelievable. She was shocked, I was shocked. We stopped to chat some more about approaching, again her encouraging me, then I let her go.

She frequents that track - I've got to be careful not to approach her again - I think now I'm getting a better picture of what she looks like from afar to avoid that happening.

Crazy.

 

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Approach Refinements

Have received across the board positive responses to my approaches over the last couple days.

Three number closes, one brunette in the supermarket, another brunette out on the street, and a cute (iranian?) looking girl today from a two set - the friend was egging her on and left us alone. Feels good when the friends are enthusiastic about it.

What has been consistent:

Clothing: I have been wearing the same thing on all these outings - black shorts, , grey t-shirt, black puffer jacket, and pretty cheap running shoes. Deliberately dressed down for the walking track I've been frequenting - so as not the arouse suspicion of being a pickup guy.

Approach style: Pass and loop back, opening direct with my standard. "I was just walking past, saw you and thought to myself "that girl is gorgeous, I have to come and say something. (her shock generally starts turning into a smile at this point). Otherwise I might walk past and think "I wonder what she was like" -to show I have standards over her physical attractiveness. Then have been launching into Hectors first golden question - making an assumption about what she is doing - "going for a walk?"- the question then comes back to me generally. We go back and forth, talking about jobs, covid blah blah. Then I say I have to leave but would love to chat some more.

Small note: When she asks what I do for work now, I don't say "I'm an engineer". That sounds lame and boring. Small tweak I made has been to say "I'm in engineering", then explaining what I do. To me saying "I'm in engineering" rather than "I'm an engineer" sounds better to me. Makes it seem like it's not my identity, it doesn't define me. Could work for other boring careers like accounting. "I'm in accounting" rather than "I'm an accountant".

The girls seem to respond really well when I talk my head off, as opposed to mainly asking them questions. For instance I'll share a lot of details about my job first before asking her. I guess by me going first it encourages her to open up more, whether by obligation? Not sure.

 

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Park Date #2: Learnt my lesson from the previous one.

Summary - she was waiting for me, sitting on the railing. Sat down right next to her. I was comfortable sitting there longer but knew that would kill the vibe if she suggested walking. So, I suggested we get up and walk. We periodically walked and sat down - me suggesting it every time. Vibed well. She was introverted. Just got out of an 8 year relationship 3 months ago. I made sure to touch her, joke around with her. Seeded the pull talking about Squid Game. She started opening up more. Every time we sat we got closer and closer. At the end, after looping back and sitting on the park bench, there was a short silence - was starting to get cold and the sun was going down. I decided to persist in inviting her home.

I said "Hey, this is fun. What have you got on for the rest of the day?". She said "nothing".

"Well, I've don't have any plans - want to watch Squid Game with me?". She paused for a bit. Then started objecting lightly. "Oh, where?". "Mine. I know what you're thinking, but don't stress, we won't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable".

"I'm not really comfortable going to yours with lockdown".
Me, laughing: "We're already this close, it's not going to make a difference". (I had my arm around her at this point)

"But your housemates".
"They're cool"
"I'm just not comfortable with it, right now"

I dropped it, but shortly after we were talking about pets. Mentioned a toy mine had that it was obsessed with. She got really curious about this toy, so I brought it up again.

"Well, the toy is right by my front door. How about this, we go to mine, I open the front door, you look at the cat toy then you can leave". Said with a light, funny tone.

"Haha, noo. It's not happening. Good persistence though"

I left it at that. When we parted ways, I said I had a fun time, but not sure how easy it would be to hang out if she couldn't come over due to lockdown. She said she was still keen but the timing wasn't right, and told me she'd watch squid game and tell me what she thought. Hugged her goodbye, gave her a kiss on the cheek and whispered "I'm looking forward to it" sexily. She giggled.

That was 2 hours ago and she has been responsive to my texts still. Not really sure how to progress this one though given her harsh adherence to the rules..

Things I did well:

I learnt my lesson from the last fail and led led led, while also persisting in a cool, non needy way to invite her home. Nothing bad happened. She respected it and is still texting me back.

Looking back to other dates, it's always the ones where I have been persistent in a cool way where I have sensed the girl respected the hell out of it, even if she didn't bite. It's always the times I give up (like the last date a couple days ago) where they lose all respect.

Persistence persistence persistence.

 

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Updates:

HBTall: Girl from my previous post. Been on two more dates, finally kissed her after the last one. Has been difficult getting her comfortable with the idea of coming home. Even suggested making cocktails for the next date which she was enthusiastic for but then when it dawned on her that it'd be at my house she said wasn't comfortable yet but was keen for another drink. For some context, it wasn't an eight year relationship but a 12 year one, since she was 18. And she's only been broken up with him for 3 months. Just going to keep thawing the ice with this one. Wouldn't if it wasn't for the fact she is super sexy - tall, long flowing brunette hair and beautiful face, fierce and very intelligent. FYI, I have been fully upfront with her that I'm not particularly looking for a relationship and this has been well received.

HBRunner: Super hot brunette in activewear. Stopped her on the way back from the convenience store before work, short interaction and number closed. Went on a park date with her - did quite well in leading but towards the end she was the one to end it since it was getting cold. Holy shit though, this girl. She was a yoga and pilates instructor, has taught kids in Africa, is in the process of starting her own business, is into music and playing the piano and guitar like I am, is into history and documentaries, but also likes chilling and watching netflix and likes not feeling guilty about it. Super hot too. I invited her home, she declined but suggested getting a drink. Going to try to get her out again this week but actually not sure of my chances.

HBTattoo: The Iranian looking chick I mentioned previously. Was super keen over text then just stopped responding when I suggested a day to meet up. Sent a voice message a couple days later, no response. Then another parting text 3 days after that, no response. She came back today apologizing saying her phone was giving problems and she was sick and asking how I was so going to try to get her out.

Also had another date where the girl wasn't as attractive as I remember. Like, she had a sexy body it looked like in the supermarket but mask was on so didn't get a good look at her face. But she looked frumpy on the date and didn't pass the boner test. I felt a bit bad because she was really excited and carrying the convo - I found it hard to maintain enthusiasm and feigned an afternoon hangover coming on to end it early. I sent a polite follow up text saying I wasn't feeling it and she was completely fine with it.

HBCyclist: Got another tentative date with a beautiful blonde this Sunday who was on her bike when I approached.

Approached a bunch more - too much to write here but one notable one - had quite a bad rejection where I approached a girl sitting down. But it was dumb, I wasn't tactful about it and walked straight up in front of her to open - which was obvious. She wouldn't look at me at all. I kept trying to talk and she would look the other direction. I walked to the other side, just to see what would happen if I kept engaging, she looked away again. I wished her a good day and left. Shouldn't have approached like that, knew it was a bit off.

Got another sexy lead on tinder who seems keen to meet next week. Couple more I'm working on.

 

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My instincts for moving faster need to be trained more. I just lost HBCyclist on the second date after a beach walk date (couple days after a drinks date she had to leave using date compression), intent was to invite her around for drinks at the end of this one). We would be sitting and talking, it didn't feel like it was dragging, it didn't feel like it was time to move yet, but "out of the blue" she would suggest we move. This happened a few times and caught me by surprise each time. It was her home turf (she lives on the beach) and so she was leading the interaction at many points, moving me to different points/her favourite spots even though I previously had an idea about where I wanted to go. Once in an effort to lead when she suggested moving I suggested we stay a little longer, then I suggested we move.

Halfway through she started sitting further away. I could sense this was happening. Towards the end I knew it was done. Wished her goodbye, got the predictable "I sense our connection is more friendship and not deeper response". No surprise so I didn't feel bad about it. But it's a little frustrating that I couldn't see the signs she wanted to move.

I still need work on overcoming chiller aspects of my personality. And train myself to be demanding even in relaxed situations such as a beach walk - to be moving, leading, on a "whirlwind adventure", even if inside I don't really feel like it. This is a recurring problem. I'm guessing I will eventually start to enjoy it and ingrain it as part of my personality once I see how well it works to start getting me results.

Other updates - HBRunner on the backburner even though she says she is still keen to meet but has been "busy". Still seeing HBTall (haven't slept with her yet - I could write a whole essay on this girl but basically she is one of the most analytical people I have ever met and has been challenging me on the communication front - I am learning a ton about communication/relationship expectations from this girl). HBTattoo ghosted again when I suggested a meet - but I realize it's because I wasn't chill about it - and had assumed that when she got back into contact her state was the same and that I could go back to suggesting the meet - what I needed to do was build up some more rapport again over text