Cultivating the X Factor

[Alpha13SC]

I would say it's leaning towards a fear of loss. For HBTall, it's fear of losing a steady supply of sex. For the blonde, it's thinking "she looks so good, imagine how good kissing her/having sex with her would be".

In both cases, I am in a taking mindset as opposed to a giving mindset - "I want to give her a great sexual experience".

For this blonde in particular, she's actually one of the hottest girls I've number closed to date and the first with a particular look that I've wanted for a long long long time. Sort of like a young Denise Van Outen but even hotter. That's probably playing a part in the scarcity mindset. However, I do see girls who look like this not infrequently and they have shown interest in me in the past so it's helping with my attitude of knowing there are more like her. But still, this one is here, interested and texting. I can almost taste her and it's tantalizing.


I like it. I have told her I like when she calls me out on the mistakes. She was a teacher actually, lol

Wise words. Sometimes though, so much time goes between similar situations that I might make the same dumb mistake that I already made, but because it was so many months ago I forgot the proper way to respond, and I need to respond now because I won't get time later, and don't have time now to dig through my notes. Now that is frustrating. It's an organization problem partly too.


I did my man! Unfortunately she is a tough nut to crack.


So, I had previously asked her what her favourite position was post sex- she loves being on top, so I let her on top, but most of the time she would get too sore and we'd have to stop. I usually also finger her prior as well as kiss her which gets her quite wet, before going in. Same issue.


I did attempt to count but unfortunately didn't make it far HOWEVER, yesterday when I had sex with her, I was purely focused on dominating her and was having such a great time doing it that I didn't even think about cumming. I could have lasted forever. We ended up stopping after 20 minutes, and even though I still think she didn't cum, afterwards she looked extremely content and was all over me, letting me lie down to relax while she went to town kissing my face/neck/mouth.

From what I see, you have more abundance than you think, so even if you ll not do sex with that girl again, I m sure you'll have another one soon enough.

Regarding her orgasm, what I would try is more foreplay, and teasing until she begs for it(it depends how much it will take), playing with G/A spot, until she s close, then piv. But I think you'll get it there.
This guy has some really good info I suggest watch his whole channel. And Sex God by Rose, the book, you can train.

 

[Beam]

From what I see, you have more abundance than you think, so even if you ll not do sex with that girl again, I m sure you'll have another one soon enough.

I would hope so. I go through long dry spells before sleeping with girls I find truly beautiful. Last was in January and I slept with HB Tall in November, so 10 months. Slept with two other girls in between - one who wasn't really my type and another who was very cute and became a regular but didn't really give me a boner on sight, only when we started having sex. That being said, did have two other truly beautiful girls in my bed this year but couldn't seal the deal.

Would like to change this next year and improve consistency. Admittedly we were in lockdown for a good chunk of this year but my approach discipline needs improvement.

 

[Beam]

Note for future reference. If not using date compression (due to schedule conflicts etc) and seeing a girl again, but not at your house (say at a bar again, or even daytime) always be the one to end the date somewhat early, and suggest cocktails at yours for the third.

 

[Beam]

Feeling exhausted. Don't know when it happened but suddenly I have a decent amount of pretty cool guy friends wanting to hang out, even had a girl want to hang out last weekend (not HBTall, who I'm still seeing) which I declined and turned into a date later on (mentioned previously). In between that, hitting the bars and seeing HBtall every 3-5 days, some aspects of my life such as fitness have been taking a bit of a hit. Definitely don't look as good as I did towards the start of the year, bit of a gut and extra fat. I'd go out feeling shit because of how I looked but girls would still respond warmly - so a lot of it is in my head.

But feel constantly tired. Sleep has been suffering as well. Managing my time is a priority since really, compared to other guys here, my schedule is probably not that hectic and I know it's possible to make it all work.

 

[Beam]

Focus on closing. Goal for every weekend - invite at least one girl home per Friday, Saturday night. Ran into this thread by GrandPooba - interesting read - would be a good challenge.

Invite Home One Girl Per Day for 30+ Days

This is to Journal my experience with Chase's Invite Home One Girl A Day for Thirty Days Assignment. Start: Tuesday, January 22, 2019 End (Projected): Thursday, February 21, 2019 (unless delays) The Rules: 1. It runs for 30 calendar days straight. No days off 2. You must invite one (1) girl to...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[Beam]

Worth noting. Got home late (11:30) well past my bedtime last night after seeing a movie (Dune). Had missed out on gym again and was restless because of it. Felt like the movie was a bit of a waste of time. Couldn't sleep, yet had that same exhausted feeling that I've had the last couple weeks and was very aware of my growing gut.

Thought to hell with it and got up and did a quick workout. Googled if working out right before bed was a bad idea, general consensus was it was fine at least an hour beforehand. Oh well. Did it anyway for 20 minutes - some pullups, chinups and pushups. Immediately felt great. Had oats and protein, went to bed satisfied, not restless and fell asleep pretty quickly after that (around 12:10ish). If I hadn't worked out I probably would have been restless and not been able to fall asleep.

This morning, despite having less than 7 hours sleep, felt great in the morning and still feel good, relaxed and positive.

Lesson: You can ALWAYS find time to workout no matter how busy your schedule and it is worth it for the peace of mind alone. No excuses. Seems the lethargy over the last couple weeks has been mainly due to not working out as opposed to less sleep (of course sleep is still extremely important and the lack of it has probably played a part, but based on the fact that I sacrificed sleep last night to workout and feel great leads me to think this way)

 

[Beam]

For this blonde in particular, she's actually one of the hottest girls I've number closed to date and the first with a particular look that I've wanted for a long long long time. Sort of like a young Denise Van Outen but even hotter. That's probably playing a part in the scarcity mindset. However, I do see girls who look like this not infrequently and they have shown interest in me in the past so it's helping with my attitude of knowing there are more like her. But still, this one is here, interested and texting. I can almost taste her and it's tantalizing

Yeah... fucked this one up due to dumb texting + logistics problems over christmas. Will be writing a FU in full. Hard not to beat yourself up.

 

[Beam]

My Simple, Overarching Goal for 2022:

Learn how to do more, effectively, without burning out.

I still waste a lot of time in my life. From too much time in between sets at the gym, to way too long walking around during a DG session before approaching anyone (yesterday I was out for 2 fucking hours, talked myself out of so many sets based on ‘intuition’, then finally realized how dumb I was being, approached a sexy goth chick and number closed (she seems interested and we’re probably meeting Friday)

However, other men in 2 hours could have approached 20 women. I ended up approaching 2 all up before heading home. They can go to the gym, smash their workout and be out in 30 minutes, while it takes me an hour to do the same. They can write a song, post to Instagram every week, run a podcast, while also running their own company on the side. Hell, even posting here regularly - it's time consuming journalling/writing FRs and I tend to avoid it as a result sometimes. There is a level that they operate at that seems inconceivable to me right now, but that I wish to get to and that I know I can. A capacity to do more, which then fundamentally changes you, because you start being annoyed at slackers. I realize that doing more shouldn’t be the goal – but doing more of the right things. Focusing on one thing at a time in all these areas.

It seems that, while I do work, a lot of it is busywork. Doing the thing for a long time but not really “doing” it with that razor sharp drive, that fire. Not going all in. This is why I don’t usually end up approaching 20 girls per week even though I vowed a year ago I would. Result being the very real chance of hovering in eternal mediocrity. Scary. There is a reason those who excel in one area tend to excel at quite a few others – they have learned the process of upskilling. They realize the fundamental truth that mastery in any area requires not just smart effort, but consistent effort, day in day out, making small incremental gains, trusting the process. Rather than short bursts of inspiration. I have started seeing the fruits of this approach with vast improvements to my piano playing ability over the last couple of months, as well as my progress to the humble handstand. Consistency. Planning in advance. I don't plan. I have tried scheduling my time in advance, planning my days, but it doesn't tend to last long, a couple of weeks at most.

You can achieve so much more, be so much more. DoWhatWorks made a post about managing time which had some great responses in it.

Now I am usually very hard on myself it is true. And it’s important to be grateful for all I did achieve in the last year. And I am. My first post of this journal, on of my sticking points was not having girls stick around after 1, 2 dates or the first time having sex. In 2021 I got two regulars which lasted a couple of months (one is still ongoing who is just my type). And multiple girls who have been interested in seeing me multiple times. Quite a difference from 2020.

But I am not satisfied. I feel hungry for more. But currently my work ethic does not match my hunger and this is a gap I need to bridge, to find out why I am not working as hard or as smart as I could be.

 

[Beam]

COVID finally got me. Lol. Will be in iso for the next 7 days. Sucks because HBTall had it and just got out of iso, we were finally going to see each other again tomorrow but now it'll have to be next week. Messaged the sexy goth chick I number closed - turns out she already had it so the risk I passed it on to her is low - she is keen and told me to message her when I got out, will aim to meet next week instead of Friday now.

 

[Beam]

New LR from Friday night - sexy rocker chick (previously referred to as sexy goth chick but her style is more rocker). DG, first date. Will be writing a full report. Slept with her again in the morning, and then had HBTall over. It's funny, in January 2020 I slept with two chicks in the same week for the first time, in January 2021 I slept with two chicks over two days for the first time, and now in January 2022 I slept with two chicks for the first time in one day.

But I am in a dilemma. HBTall wants to be exclusive. She told me straight up that she couldn't keep doing this, that she wanted to open herself up more to me but currently wasn't able to knowing that I was probably sleeping with others. The only reason she told me is because I prodded her after sensing she was sad, otherwise she would have kept it to herself. She then told me that she was hesitant to say it because it would mean risking not being able to see me again if I decided against it. There is no middle ground now. It is either agree or break up with her for good. I have literally been lying down agonizing over what to do for the last day and a half, not getting much else done. On the one hand, I enjoy her company - she is intelligent, fiery, beautiful. And I've learned so much about relationships from her. On the other hand, sleeping with HBRocker has opened up my eyes again to what I am capable of.

I have never been in a serious relationship. This would be my first. That's the thing, it would be a great learning experience. But.. is that fair on her? I don't think it is. I would put my best foot forward and try to make it as enjoyable for her, but if in the back of my mind I know it won't last, is it fair to her to get into this? She has previously told me she does not believe in one partner for life, or soulmates. She doesn't believe in the one. I feel like going into this, giving it my all, and then seeing how she fits into my life may be the best option. This will mean putting a pause to my seduction journey. If after time I feel unhappy, or constricted, then I will have to let her know.

This is difficult. I don't know what to do.

 

[Beam]

Will make a more general update about the relationship and all that has happened over the last couple weeks, but wanted to note down an interesting experience I had today at a flower shop (buying a flower to be all cute for valentines day (it's partly a joke, we're both going to laugh about it)

Went to the store and there were three girls working there, probably all young (late teens, early 20s it looked like). I noticed that I used a lot of the same humor that I have used on dates and with my girlfriend and it landed well. Example -

I walked in and confidently started talking to on of the staff members. Told her I was looking for a rose. Used informal language and she eased up around me immediately. Gorgeous blondie at the back washing the flowers takes notice and starts looking back and smiling, asking me if it's for Valentines day.

"Yeah, I've decided to buy flowers to be all cute and romantic." Sort of poking fun at it in a way. Giggles.

Blondie then says you can buy them for yourself. I joke around saying that was a great idea, that I'd buy a couple to keep me company tonight. Not that funny but still got giggles.

Dominant, outcome independent. The girls started getting invested and a bit excited at this point. One of them (forget which one) then starts asking me what else I'm doing today. I tell them I'm going to the gym. They all go "ooh".

"Yeah, I have to make sure I look all buff and sexy for tomorrow". They all giggle and then start asking me what I'm doing for her. Back and forth back and forth then I leave.

Fun, lighthearted, flirty, informal, showing I'm "not just another customer". This is how I am aiming to be in all my interactions. I have been this way in the past when I was approaching tons, I'd kind of forgotten. But now I see how the same concepts I use on dates/daygame/with my gf can really be applied across the board and get similar reactions. Interesting.

 

[Beam]

An interesting two months it has been. I've been documenting notes from the relationship in a word doc, not here. But have discovered recurring patterns that have become problematic for the relationship at times.

I tend to get defensive when she brings up drama. The drama is mainly a result of her feeling ignored when I haven't communicated with her for a few days, or done something else that has made her feel that I don't actually care about her. I care for her, but the affection I have to give is less than what she needs it seems. I am attempting to give more, without giving more than I can afford. The main problems arise in between when we see each other. In person is great. I am always fully focused and present. In the days in between my focus shifts to my other endevours - most recently work, fitness, music and family. My mind is not on her, but she has wanted reassurance that I am thinking of her. In her words, she would love to text me for hours everyday, but she has compromised because she knows that is not going to happen with me. I will be more consistent with sure, dropping a couple of texts here and there.

Basically, making some more space for her. Slighly more. Showing a bit more affection, care. I'm not used to doing this, truly sharing my life with someone else so it feels strange. Danger though, at times I've confided and shared too much, and have broken the "she is not your therapist" maxim. She has called me out on this, telling me that I need to sort out my own thoughts before communicating them to her, and communicating them to her in a way she can respond to. She has told me that she has felt at times I use her as a vessel for my thoughts, a way to work through them which is not what she wants. And again, is the role of a therapist or friend, not a girlfriend. I've fallen into the trap of getting too comfortable with sharing my innermost thoughts with her, to the point where it has been cruel (she has told me that many things I have said to her while working through my thoughts, including what happened two months ago, were incredibly hurtful to hear and she is still working through them). While my thoughts were my thoughts and very valid, she has brought up a good point about being tactful in how you communicate those thoughts in a way that is not hurtful.

When we've had arguments, I've felt backed into a corner like a dog because generally it's been a result of something I know I probably fucked up due to this being new territory for me. I have gotten defensive and emotional as a result, instead of remaining a strong, unshakeable rock as I should be. She brought this to my attention, the fact that I get defensive and emotional. But in a calm way. Should note that I am continually surprised at how mature she is in communicating this information with me, guiding me and telling me how she wants to be led. She has made comments that essentially are saying "You did this and this is what it made me feel. This is a point where others may not have been as forgiving as I was and would have probably left, but I'm telling you this because I like you and am rooting for you and want this to be better for the both of us"

 

[Alpha13SC]

Hi @Beam,

I hope you're enjoying your relationship. I ll wrote a few things, based on my experience and what I saw to others. From my understanding, you ve seen this girl for quite a few months, more than those 90 days, when it's honeymoon, according to @Chase's article. Drama may appear. At the bright side is that these are new opportunities to show your leadership and how strong you are.

I tend to get defensive when she brings up drama.

IMO getting defensive it's a bad move If there are real concern, address them. Otherwise, for me, there are just trying for her side to manipulate me to be a "better" boyfriend which I totally disgust, and she ll do it also if it will happen. You need to assure relationship security in other ways. For this, @Ambiance has a post about his recent break-up and @topcat gave a really good answer. I suggest going into it.

[...]but she has compromised because she knows that is not going to happen with me. I will be more consistent with sure, dropping a couple of texts here and there.

Again, read that post.

Danger though, at times I've confided and shared too much, and have broken the "she is not your therapist" maxim. She has called me out on this, telling me that I need to sort out my own thoughts before communicating them to her, and communicating them to her in a way she can respond to. She has told me that she has felt at times I use her as a vessel for my thoughts, a way to work through them which is not what she wants. And again, is the role of a therapist or friend, not a girlfriend. I've fallen into the trap of getting too comfortable with sharing my innermost thoughts with her, to the point where it has been cruel (she has told me that many things I have said to her while working through my thoughts, including what happened two months ago, were incredibly hurtful to hear and she is still working through them). While my thoughts were my thoughts and very valid, she has brought up a good point about being tactful in how you communicate those thoughts in a way that is not hurtful.

Yeah, this one is tough because for some, even for me in the past, the comfort from a woman because so good and thought I could become more open about some things. While her nurturing side it's addictive, she still wants you to be the strong man she begun the relationship with.

When we've had arguments, I've felt backed into a corner like a dog because generally it's been a result of something I know I probably fucked up due to this being new territory for me.

You have experience with women, saw other's relationships for sure, most important, you have resources all over the GC site about how to handle the drama. Of course, the experience is the best teacher, but those articles should create a model about how things should going, some do's and don't, like a guideline.

This is a point where others may not have been as forgiving as I was and would have probably left, but I'm telling you this because I like you and am rooting for you and want this to be better for the both of us"

I think this is bullshit. Almost all the girls forgive to a degree their strong man's behavior. For me, this sounds like a back rationalizing her behavior because she likes you and unconsciously try to grab some frame from you. The reality is that other women forgave you in the past too, and if it was other woman instead of her, she would have forgave you too.

I would say keep and eye to your frame, more than you did now, because in some areas, they lack that assuming of responsabilities and will try to make you to assume them instead. "I like you, look what I did to you, look how good of a woman I am, treat me better", something like this. Guilt and shame is somehow women's weapons. This is a negative part I m seeing from relationships, but I welcome it.

I don't know if others may be agreeing with me, but I wanted to say respond to this post because she seems like a strong woman who needs a strong man, and I think you can be that one for her. Otherwise, drama in a relationship could bring toxic behaviors, and that will affect you more thank you think on other areas as well.

Keep your frame strong,
Alpha13SC

 

[Beam]

Thanks for the reply man! You always have nuggets of wisdom.

Hi @Beam,

I hope you're enjoying your relationship. I ll wrote a few things, based on my experience and what I saw to others. From my understanding, you ve seen this girl for quite a few months, more than those 90 days, when it's honeymoon, according to @Chase's article. Drama may appear. At the bright side is that these are new opportunities to show your leadership and how strong you are.

I am enjoying it, for the most part. There are still nagging feelings when I see other beautiful women around but this is a good experience, we're having some great times and I'm learning a lot and going deeper than I have ever gone. It has been important in healing some of the deepest insecurities I have had to date. I do see that bright side, the drama has shown how strong I am in some ways, and highlighted weaknesses as well.

IMO getting defensive it's a bad move If there are real concern, address them. Otherwise, for me, there are just trying for her side to manipulate me to be a "better" boyfriend which I totally disgust, and she ll do it also if it will happen. You need to assure relationship security in other ways. For this, @Ambiance has a post about his recent break-up and @topcat gave a really good answer. I suggest going into it.

Again, read that post.

Definitely something that I have to be aware of. I read that post but will read it again. Good thing is I feel this on a visceral level - anytime I submitted to her request (this hasn't been very often, to be fair. I've kept a pretty strong frame for the most part which is how this has kept going) I have immediately felt disgusted and weak. I can't imagine how so many guys go through their entire lives like this in relationships with their significant others.

Yeah, this one is tough because for some, even for me in the past, the comfort from a woman because so good and thought I could become more open about some things. While her nurturing side it's addictive, she still wants you to be the strong man she begun the relationship with.

Finding this out the hard way. It sort of relates in a way to the initial seduction process with girls who are extremely socially savvy. You enjoy speaking to them so much that you get comfortable and forget to seduce them. A problem even high level guys like Skills has run into. Definitely something to keep vigilant about. Her advice on this was very good actually. When communicating, think about what it is you are trying to convey to her and if it can be responded to or not. If you are being open, is it being open in a way that is essentially telling her that you're not the man she needs and there's no way to fix that, or are you being open in a way that reveals you are strong, that you will get to where you both want to be, but there are a some things obstacles that need to be cleared first. Some that you need to clear yourself - and some that she can support you with. And the things that she can support you on, these are what you should be communicating with her so she can assume the nurturing role with a smile on her face, knowing that what she is doing is important and leading you both to where you want to go.

You have experience with women, saw other's relationships for sure, most important, you have resources all over the GC site about how to handle the drama. Of course, the experience is the best teacher, but those articles should create a model about how things should going, some do's and don't, like a guideline.

I do need to take a more proactive role with this. The drama hits me by surprise - like the other day when she found my pickup notes. My frame is shaky but for the most part it holds - however there is always room for improvement. Warped Mindless's maxims have been very useful so far, even if I have violated them before.

I think this is bullshit. Almost all the girls forgive to a degree their strong man's behavior. For me, this sounds like a back rationalizing her behavior because she likes you and unconsciously try to grab some frame from you. The reality is that other women forgave you in the past too, and if it was other woman instead of her, she would have forgave you too.

I haven't gone this deep with a woman before so I guess I don't have that reference experience. I still find this hard to believe because she has only had one long relationship, and so part of me wonders if she is naive in some ways which is why she is so forgiving, and other more experienced women would see the cracks in my foundation, have already experienced similar cracks in previous relationships and seen the path that led to (because part of me still feels I'm going to break her heart one day, that nagging feeling...), and so bailed at the first signs to find a more experienced guy who has sorted this shit out already. I guess if you had enough other attraction factors though that would not be the case...

I would say keep and eye to your frame, more than you did now, because in some areas, they lack that assuming of responsabilities and will try to make you to assume them instead. "I like you, look what I did to you, look how good of a woman I am, treat me better", something like this. Guilt and shame is somehow women's weapons. This is a negative part I m seeing from relationships, but I welcome it.

So this is a common pattern you've seen then. Part of me wonders how similar my experiences are to other guys. My reference experiences are limited. But I do need to keep an eye on my frame and read up more about other peoples relationship experiences, on this site and in real life as well.

I don't know if others may be agreeing with me, but I wanted to say respond to this post because she seems like a strong woman who needs a strong man, and I think you can be that one for her. Otherwise, drama in a relationship could bring toxic behaviors, and that will affect you more thank you think on other areas as well.

I'm on my way up, for sure. Patching up the chinks in my armour slowly to become a stronger man. Right now, I would say I'm quite immature, and am surprised at how she has stuck with me because yes, she is strong herself. I must be stronger than I realize and she can see the potential.

Keep your frame strong,
Alpha13SC

May the frame be with you

 

[Alpha13SC]

I haven't gone this deep with a woman before so I guess I don't have that reference experience. I still find this hard to believe because she has only had one long relationship, and so part of me wonders if she is naive in some ways which is why she is so forgiving,

Women are very loyal to the man they fuck and have many things to offer. Think of them as givers. I remember one girl liked me and fucked her good, and in the morning, before leaving, she would clean my shoes. I didn't asked her to do it. Recently, another one started fold all of my clothes from the wardrobe. This is common behavior.

and so bailed at the first signs to find a more experienced guy who has sorted this shit out already. I guess if you had enough other attraction factors though that would not be the case...

This is some sort of projection, as @Skills said. Women don't actually do that. If they decided to go with you, then they ll remain faithful. You actually need to fuck up in order for her to leave. But this doesn't mean you can take it easy, contrary, more responsability to keep up with it. At least here, that's how it goes.

So this is a common pattern you've seen then. Part of me wonders how similar my experiences are to other guys. My reference experiences are limited. But I do need to keep an eye on my frame and read up more about other peoples relationship experiences, on this site and in real life as well.

I can give you two examples.
1. My ex, during pandemics started to gain a little weight. Not much, but didn't like it. We talked about this a few times. When we broke up, she said that I told her she's fat. I didn't. I just brought into discussion something that for me it's important. But it twisted it so she was the victim there.
2. My mentor who teached me a lot of things about of women now has a relationship with a girl. And it became toxic. And he s got so into her frame and into that illusion that somehow I don't recognize him at some situations. His girl was a virgin, he took her virginity, and after a few weeks she was like "You broke me, I was a good girl before" and my friend actually had some guilty feelings from it. That far it went. But this can happen only if you let them.

I'm on my way up, for sure. Patching up the chinks in my armour slowly to become a stronger man. Right now, I would say I'm quite immature, and am surprised at how she has stuck with me because yes, she is strong herself. I must be stronger than I realize and she can see the potential.

Read my 2nd quote from my signature

 

[Beam]

Well my friends. It is over. I should have posted more on the forums but to summarize, the relationship had great moments, but for the most part felt like an engine stalling, then picking up, then stalling again, until finally we both decided (as of a few hours ago) that this wasn't working and called it quits, after 5 months. I will when I am ready divulge the full story. I also will be taking quite a bit of time for myself before I am ready to get out there again so don't expect too many posts in the near future.

 

[Beck Bass]

I also will be taking quite a bit of time for myself before I am ready to get out there again so don't expect too many posts in the near future.

You can talk about the relationship, I think it would be interesting, hope you're doing fine man.
Waiting for the full story (or as much as you can/want to share)

 

[Beam]

You can talk about the relationship, I think it would be interesting, hope you're doing fine man.
Waiting for the full story (or as much as you can/want to share)

Thanks man, it's good to see you still here. Honestly not doing too good at the moment, have been mulling over some things that were said that cut straight to the core. It will take time.

 

[Beck Bass]

Thanks man, it's good to see you still here. Honestly not doing too good at the moment, have been mulling over some things that were said that cut straight to the core. It will take time.

Be strong man, it's for the best in the end, you'll grow from it, I'm sure.
Also I don't plan on leaving the forums so soon, there's a lot of cool people here I can learn from (like you) and hopefully give some back, I've been a bit out focusing on life but I hope I'm able to post more

 

[Beam]

Be strong man, it's for the best in the end, you'll grow from it, I'm sure.
Also I don't plan on leaving the forums so soon, there's a lot of cool people here I can learn from (like you) and hopefully give some back, I've been a bit out focusing on life but I hope I'm able to post more

This means a lot. It has been hard to talk to anyone in real life about this, right now this place feels like my home.