D's Journal

[Dern]

October 10

Did around 10 approaches at campus today. Most girls rejected me after the opener, but one girl, I got her to sit down with me and show me her watch. Didn't really go deep into the conversation though. She mentioned she did hip hop dancing which I deep dived but didn't get that good of a conversation out of it. I asked for her number at a low point, when the conversation was getting stale. There was a point in the conversation where I looked right into her eyes for a few seconds without saying anything, I should've held this even longer, but I just continued talking instead. So I sort of like defused the sexual tension. Bad, very bad. Still got her number but don't think I'm going to get a response from her. Gonna go dt soon and open up more sets.

 

[Dern]

Did 17 more approaches down town. I'm gonna start working on a cocky, sarcastic personality. For example:

Sarcasm

Me: "Soo, let me guess, you're going home from work."
Her: "yup"
Me: *puts both hands on cheeks, do sarcastic surprised face* "oh! how did I know!?"
Her: *laughs*
Me: "so tell me, Vancouver native or from somewhere far far away?"


Me: "so what brings you here today, and not somewhere more interesting?"
Her: "just going to work"
Me: "ohhhh myyyy god! so interesting!"
Her: "haha i know."
Me: "so what's work?"


Me: "I really like your shoes. Those flowers...they add a nice blend to your personality."
Her: "thanks, but I have a boyfriend"
Me: "congratulations! what brings you here today?"

So for sarcasm, I want to mix it with seriousness too. I don't want to appear too douchebag mode.


Cocky

Her: "do you always do this?"
Me: "do what?"
Her: "you know...walking around talking to girls"
Me: "ohhhh, you mean socializing"


Her: "I have a boyfriend, but I really admire your courage."
Me: "yeah.... that's what they all say "


Her: "I'm in business"
Me: "so you must be really good at persuading people"
Her: "I'm getting there... still gotta work on it though"
Me: "yeah, sounds smart, I mean... you do want to win my heart after all..."


Another thing to remember: light banter before trying to get her to stop. Today, I would open, introduce myself, then ask her to stop. But I guess since I don't have all my fundamentals handled, I should open, introductions, light banter, then get investment.

 

[Dern]

October 11

Did 12 approaches today. Got 3 numbers

So I am at the point of my cold approaches where I can get numbers, but I can't really turn them into dates.

Except the last number I got today, the girl seemed pretty interested. After she gave me her number, she said "yeah, give me a call and we'll get coffee sometime".

So hopefully she don't lie.

 

[Dern]

Just read Chase's article on natural number swapping.

Ask the girl for her number during the high point of a conversation. When she's laughing a lot, and/or telling you a lot about herself; clearly having a good time. Then after she gives you her number, CONTINUE the conversation. This is different and more effective than the usual number swapping at the end of conversations.

 

[Dern]

October 16

Did 12 approaches today. I almost got one number but as the girl was about to enter her number into my phone, she was like: "but... my boyfriend...I can't!" So instead she said: "wait.. let me take down your number just in case..." I was like: "yeah you'll probably sit down and realize I'm the man of your dreams." This was one of the few interactions I had today where I was higher in perceived status than her. I mean she was telling me how flattered she was and how happy she was blah blah blah and if I had maybe talked to her more maybe she would be more comfortable but I did do a decent job of building her up and deep diving so I dunno, I think she was just too flattered to know how to react.

The rest of the interactions didn't go that well. Most of them I got rejected after the opener. Women just simply don't show interest in me. And it's not like my opener sucks, I've researched enough to know how to open well. I think its just my fundamentals like body, hair, and facial hair.

Also, I am going to start taking 20 minutes each day before I go to sleep to visualize.

 

[Dern]

October 17

Did 18 approaches today. Lots of rejection but the last few conversations I had were pretty good, especially with this one girl who worked in the sunglasses store.

 

[Dern]

Really need to work on my openers, but i feel like i am doing everything i can. I've read all chase's articles on opening. I am a skinny 130 pounds 5'9 guy. I also can only grow a mustache and some chin hair that grows straight up like patches. Also, i have a high pitched voice for a man (people used to tell me this). Currently, I'm working on finding the right hair styles. I googled: good haircuts for men with big ears (since i have big ears). Gotta take a closer looks at those pics. Other than that, my fundamentals are pretty handled. Is it possible, I'm wondering, that i could be getting rejected so much cause of these four fundamentals that aren't handled?

For the present i gotta keep in mind these tips and goals:

1. Sexy walk (getting good at always doing this)
2. Good posture right when you open and right to the end (cant stress this enough)!
3. Slow sexy smile when you meet her eyes for the first time (unless you do are you single opener)
4. If you're going to go direct, say it like you mean it: slowlyyyy and sexuallyyyy. Also, do cute and sexy look while doing this (and throughout convo).
5. Talk even slower
6. Law of least effort - approach girl from behind so she doesn't notice you, but make sure you go up beside her for a few seconds before opening. Or better yet, you go to her side and she turns to look at you, then thats your cue to slowly look at her and slow spread smile.
7. When doing are you single approach, don't cock head back a lot, do it with subtly. Skeptical face is good, but tone of voice should be slightly gentle and curious to create a balance.
8. Read article: girls are cute and silly, to gain a better mindset, hopefully leading to me not over-thinking approaches so much, meaning i wont forget to hold good posture during entire interaction!

 

[Dern]

October 18

Did 8 approaches at school today. Got two numbers.

The first girl I approached wasn't really that hot. I know I'm not supposed to use the 10 scale but I would probably give her like a 6.5
Got her number still though cause I wanted to think about it. She said Fridays were the best to meet up because we both get out at the same time. I was like: hmmm maybe, why don't I just grab your number and we'll talk more later. She gave me her number and said: "text me!"
I sent her an icebreaker text a few hours ago and she hasn't responded yet.
Throughout the conversation, I remained cool and calm, after all, thats the vibe I'm going for. It worked too cause I didn't pummel her with questions and overshow my interest (since I also opened directly as well), causing her to re-engage me with questions. I did pretty well with the chase frames, I think I did more than was necessary and the first one was sort of sloppy, but the last one was pretty good (don't remember what it was but it had something to do with putting thoughts in my head lol). I think my perceived status was a bit higher than hers since she was asking me a bunch of questions about myself. I did my best to turn them back to her and deep dive and shit. She said she was on her break, and didn't want to go back to class. So I tried to move her to go smoke a joint with me, since she mentioned she blazed. She said she couldn't, she's skipped too many classes, and had to visit her family today. I persisted a few times but wasn't all that interested in her anyway so I let her go.

The second number I got was from a girl studying in the library. Opened her with a compliment, then asked her: "i hope you don't mind if I take a seat". She said no, and then moved her bags for me to sit down beside. Really did a good job in this conversation with deep diving and providing super supportive feedback, building her up and such. Tried to number close (when she said she had to go back to studying). Gave me the boyfriend objection. I said: "whatever, just add your number to my phone". So I got her number. No response to my icebreaker though.

In both these conversations, after I got the number, I kept talking, trying to tell the girl implicitly that getting her number hasn't changed anything. So that's good

 

[Dern]

October 20

Did 9 approaches today. Was really out of state, couldn't even get past the opener

 

[Dern]

October 23

Did around 5 approaches today. Got two numbers, but don't think I will be getting a date out of either of them. I feel down some days, but I gotta keep telling myself: I'm doing good, I'm getting numbers every week now, so I just gotta keep going out there and approaching. It's only a matter of time before these numbers turn into a lot of dates. The two numbers I got today, I opened pretty well, did good with the light bantering, but screwed up the deep diving and qualifying. I get so caught up in thinking of what to say next, that it screws up my entire interaction. I gotta remember that a conversation that is more than a few minutes should have more than one deep dive question, because one deep dive question won't necessarily get her doing most of the talking, unless it is a spot on question, and you do an awesome job relating and providing great feedback.

 

[Dern]

October 24

Did around 8 approaches today. It was funny because half of them the girls responded: "you know, you've already talked to me already".

This means that I am running out of girls to talk to at college

 

[Humpert]

October 24

Did around 8 approaches today. It was funny because half of them the girls responded: "you know, you've already talked to me already".

This means that I am running out of girls to talk to at college

LOL! Thats hilarious, Darren, and something I've always worried about happening. Keep up the good work man, still reading here.

 

[Dern]

From today onward, I make an oath to always stand up straight with good posture, and walk slow and sexy!

 

[Dern]

October 29

Did 14 approaches today. My process was: pre-open (on a few of them - I want to do this more often because a lot of the times, I find that when I say: "hello" or "quick question" without looking at the girl since I wan't her to look at me first, she doesn't hear me, doesn't think I'm talking to her, or is just downright ignoring me), open, light banter, and try to get investment. That's about how far I made it with all the girls. I got a girl to sit down with me for a few minutes, that's the closest I got with the investment part. Really tried to work on my opener today. Tried to say really well thought out compliments and do the nose wrinkle accompanied with the slow spreading smile. However, I know for a fact that girls are rejecting me straight away because of my fundamentals. So lately, I've been trying a new workout plan and also, just stuffing food down my stomach, which seems to be working because I've grown from 130 lbs to 133 lbs... yay

 

[Dern]

October 30

Did 14 approaches today. Got one number, this is how it went...

Me: "Love the hair" *gesturing to further add effect*
Her: "thanks"
Me: "it really sets you out from the rest of them (people)"
Her: "thanks!"
Introductions
Me: "so what brings you here today?"
Her: "Just meeting up with a friend... I almost got hit by a car just now, second one today!"
Perfect! She gave me something to light banter about!
So we light bantered about Vancouver's drivers lol.
Me: "So what do you do here in the city?"
Her: "I go to school for makeup, wbu?"
Me: "I do some writing...some travelling..."
Her: "Cool."
Me: "I notice you have an accent" *pointed at my mouth to further add effect*
Her: "Yeah, Columbian"
Me: "wow, far away"
Her: "sort of..."
Me: "You came all the way here for school, I'm guessing?"
Her: "yeah, but at the same time, I'm sort of unsure about whether I want to go back or stay here"
At this point, I know I shouldn't do this, but I scanned the area for a place to sit. She noticed this and she took the hint! She said: "want to go sit down?"
Me: "yeah! lets go over there" *put my hand on her shoulder and pointed to some seats outside a cafe*
I continued the conversation, asking her why she was having second thoughts, 'sounds like you're in a mid-life crisis right now' blah blah blah
Was empowering and curious.
She proceeded to tell me how the government wasn't letting her work because she was an immigrant of whatever blah blah blah
At the same time, home was a wonderful place, with the family back there, but it was also a third-world country, so there would be no future for her if she went back.
So I said that she should stay here and continue to fight the government blah blah blah
I said something like: I sense you've got the fight in you *pounded my heart, then put my hand on her shoulder, looked into her eyes, I should've done this longer and looked deeper into her eyes with cute and sexy underlook but I was too in the moment obviously lol* keep fighting the government!
She laughed.
Got her number.
Then she left to meet her friend, so I couldn't really continue talking to her.

 

[Dern]

November 1

Did 12 approaches today. More girls than usual responded well to my opener, so that's gotta account for something. Been putting more thought into my direct compliments, cause if I'm going direct, I might as well compliment her like I've known her for years. Another note I want to add is that I'm going to start saying "hey" instead of "quick question" before I say "are you single?" That way, they're expecting it less, and it catches them by surprise more since they're not necessarily expecting me to ask them a question. I am constantly monitoring my posture nowadays so if I'm not standing confidently or sitting with my back straight, I'll know. It's pretty awesome, because its finally starting to get ingrained into my brain: good posture! The walk is coming along as well, doing it like automatically. Just gotta work on making my movements more fluid and gracile. I think next week, I'll really focus on speaking slowly and using pregnant pauses. Also, when I'm with my friends, what I'll notice is that I will have my hands clasped together a lot, or that I'll be picking at my nails while speaking or listening. What I'll also do is start scratching myself, cause my arms get itchy all the time and shit, they're always so dry. I gotta start monitoring myself with this as well, even though I don't do this when with women, I gotta stop doing it in every aspect of my life.

 

[titch]

Sounds like you're doing awesome man!

I'm 18 also and only getting started properly with this stuff now, but if I'm doing as well as you in a few months time i'll be very happy indeed.

 

[Dern]

Thanks titch! I always appreciate comments, they make my day! Whether they be constructive criticism or just plain encouragement, keep em coming! I just read your journal, and it sounds like you are getting off on the right foot, especially here on GC
I look forward to hearing more stories from you.

November 7

Have only done 8 approaches so far this week.The best one was today:

Me: "Hey"
Girl looks at me, I turn to look at her.
Me: "I just wanted to let you know" (this is important, because I paused here, did the nose wrinkle and the slow spreading smile - this builds a shit load of sexual tension I find, because she is trying to anticipate what you are going to say in those couple of seconds, rather than you just blurting out the compliment quickly) "that you are absolutellyyy beautiful."
Her: "haha... umm... thanks?"
Me: "I'm Darren"
Her: "I'm ____"
Her: "hahaha are you drunk... or high.. right now?"
Me: "um, no... (shouldn't have said this - never say no to a girl!) why, does it seem like I am?"
Her: "I don't know... you just have this sort of aura about you" (this was funny, no girls ever said this to me, so I assumed it was a good thing? sober confidence ftw)
Me: " (shouldve added "and" here) I'm guessing that's a good thing. I could say the same about you. You also have this certain aura illuminating from your soul (said really corny and slowly, and sarcastically hahaha, I love sarcasm, it throws girls off so much sometimes)
Her: "laughs"
Me: "Hey, stop for a second." (I wanted to sit down with her but we were in the library and I couldn't see any open seats)
*she was looking around at this point, because we were in the library and I bet people could hear us, but I didn't see any weirdos staring, but there was still social pressure, and I'm sure she felt this.
Her: "I have to work on an assignment"
Me: "me too, but lets get a coffee sometime"
Her: "um... I have a boyfriend."
Me: "who said i was looking for a girlfriend?" *said with a smile and a wink*
Her: "umm, okay, this is getting a bit weird..." (maybe what I said wasn't said right or body language and expressions were off? or maybe shes just not used to this hahah)
Me: "and is that a good *pregnant pause* or a bad thing?
Her: "ummm... neutral"
Me: "okay, *take out my phone* just add your number to my phone."
Her: "okay, but no guaranteeees"
Me: "thats ok, I'm not one of those guys that keeps calling and calling, so you have nothing to worry about"
Her: "haha okay" *has trouble using my phone - the 'n' button isn't working... oh now it is.... hahaha*
Me: "yeah I know, blast to the past, huh? I'm surprised we didn't meet in an old school ice cream parlour"
Her: "haha, you must be really excited about the new bbm thing"
Me: "to be honest, I don't even use bbm"
Her: "you should get an iphone then"
Me: "and join the rest of the crowd, right?"
*no response from her*
Her: "sort of sad actually" *said while handing me back my phone (talking about how she doesn't know how to use my phone lol)
Me: "not really, we're no techno.... (wait I want to say technology, not techno!) technology geeks, so its ok! (non-judgmental shiet right here brah!)
Her: "haha"
Me: "okay, have fun with your assignment!"
Her: "bye!"


Texted her a couple hours later with: "hey its Darren, the stoned alchoholic Save my number!"
She texted back within ten minutes: "gotcha"
Gonna text her tomorrow afternoon and schedule a date. Hopefully she responds. If she doesn't, then it don't matter, Ima keep my promise and delete her from my phone.
....and find more girls... obviously....

 

[Dern]

November 8

Did 2 approaches today. The first one I opened with a soft, quiet "hello" and thus, got rejected after the compliment.

The second one was better:

Girl was lying down on sofa
I walk up to her. She looks at me before I turn to look at her.
I opened with a direct compliment preceded by the nose wrinkle and slow spreading smile
She said thanks, and I could tell right away she was flattered.
Introductions
I take a seat in the sofa right across from her (I should've sat beside her, but she was lying down, taking up all the space - should've been more aggressive here and asked her to move her legs, thus, getting compliance)
She says she has class in 15
I should've smiled and shrugged here but instead I said: "five minutes won't kill ya" (sort of stumbled with my words here, made me look weak)
I asked about class. She said nursing.
Me: "so you must be a really caring person"
Her: "haha, some of the time"
Me: "ahhh, so you've got a naughty side too huh?" (maybe too explicit here, something like 'mischievous' would be a better word)
Her: "yeah"
Me: "how'd you get into nursing?"
Her: "I don't know, it just sort of.. interested me"
Her: "what about you? what do you want to be?"
Me: I did the thoughtful look here (gotta do this whenever girls ask me things like: what do you do? what do you want to do?) "I sort of want to do something related to helping people as well. I just feel that helping people is important, we're so privileged compared to others" (said something like this)
Me: "what about you? what interests you so much about nursing?"
Her: "well, I like the human body and finding out what is wrong with people"
Me: (could've said something here like: "and I bet you've got some "body parts" in mind," with a wink and a smile) but instead i said: "so you must be an analytical person then"
Her: "Yeah!"
Me: "haha, you're like 'yes! you nailed it on the spot!'"
Her: *laughs*
Me: "so what do you do when you're not in school"
Her: "nothing really... just study."
Me: "so you're a busy bee"
Her: "Yep!"
Provide positive feedback about how I can respect that she's busy and shit, some people nowadays are so lazy (did lying down action to reinforce this statement and make her laugh), but i can tell she's different.
Her: "thanks!"
Me: "I'm pretty busy nowadays too, getting buried with homework (pretended to be buried by homework), but I bet we could find some time to sit down, and have a coffee"
Her: "I actually can't.... I have a boyfriend."
Me: "who said I was looking for a girlfriend? (winked and smiled)
Her: "hahaha, no I can't, my boyfriend wouldn't be happy"
Me: "and who said he had to know?"
Her: "we always tell each other everything. He doesn't like me talking with other guys, and I don't approve of him being with other girls."
Me: "So he's the jealous kind I see"
Her: "Yeah, I guess..."
Me: "Are you the jealous kind?" *skeptical face*
Her: "Hahaha, yeah.... isn't every girl...?"
Me: "no...not evverrryyy giiirrlll"
Her: "Hahaha, I'm really sorry, I am. We've been going out for six years."
Me: "Okay, I can respect that" *said passively* (maybe I shouldn't have said this?)
Me: "Anyways... *getting up to leave* it was certainly a pleasure"
Her: *gets up with me*
Shake her hand
Her: "which way are you going?"
Me: "that way" *point in direction*
Her: "me too, I'll walk with you."
Her: "you really made my day "
Me: "thats what I do *pregnant pause* I make girl's days"
*while I was walking with her I should've done sexy walk, but for some reason I only do this when I'm walking alone - that's gotta change*
Her: "are you here five times a week?"
Me: "yes, unfortunately"
Her: "me too"
Me: "hopefully, I don't see you following me around"
Her: "maybe.... hahaha, just kidding" (damn! she almost bit!)
Me: "so what would you do if you weren't in school?"
Her: "hmm, probably work"
Me: "oh ya, almost forgot! you are a busy bee!"
Her: "haha, yeah, and I like money"
Me: "mmm. straight to the point."
Her: "yep!"
Me: "no beating around with your emotions."
Her: "Thats why I want to go into nursing. Good money."
Me: "and because its hiighh in demand?" *raise eyebrows here*
Anyways, we reach the point where we have to go our separate ways. I give her a hug and she smiles and says: "I'm sure I'll see you around. We're friends now!" (this made me angry lol)
I felt that I should've done a hard push here (eg. we probably won't see each other again, I really think you're a cool girl. Lets say we grab that 'secret' coffee sometime).
But I didn't.


Pros:
- got compliance without asking for it
- set a playful, positive mood - not very often that this happens
- did good with the deep diving and positive feedback
- set a natural chase frame

Cons:
- should've pushed harder for the date; been more aggressive; failure to do so put me in friend zone
- should've pushed for compliance after the opener (the proximity was making the conversation awkward, that's why I tried for the quick number grab)

 

[Dern]

Re: STICKIED: D's Journal

November 13

Did 14 approaches today. I got a number on the first approach. The girl was about to walk past me so I said: "hey!" Then gave her a direct compliment with the pregnant pause, nose wrinkle, and slow spreading smile in between. I then said: "lets take a seat", and then sat down. She said that she had to work on an essay, and started walking away. I said: "2 minutes won't kill ya, stay!" She stopped in her tracks, hesitated for a second, then complied. I then followed the process of light banter --> deep dive --> number close. She said she was an aspiring actress, spent half her time in London and half her time here in school. So I deep dove that stuff. I couldn't really get the conversation to a high point, but I got her number anyways. Got her to giggle a few times, so that was good: bringing the conversation up for air. I could tell from her tone of voice that she was bored, and I didn't expect her to give me her number, but she did. I got a reply to my icebreaker text, but no reply to my date text... yet

November 14

Did 15 approaches today. Only two girls received me warmly. One girl, I sat down with, and asked her to show me her tattoos. I started touching her skin/tattoos, which was good, but I think I should've brushed by finger across her skin/tattoos instead. Like, lightly brushed (putting almost no pressure) instead of putting pressure. I did it to myself after, like brushing my skin lightly, and then brushing it with pressure, and I could tell the difference (brushing a girl's skin lightly would turn her on way more). Anyways, this girl was studying, and so after I deep dived about the tattoos and provided feedback, she went back to studying. She totally went cold on me. I should've just kept silent for a bit, which I think I did, but I should've done it for longer, but I don't think she would've re-initiated me anyways. So I just tried to close and she gave me boyfriend objection which I tried to persist against but to no avail.

The second girl who received me warmly was absolutely ecstatic when I asked if she was single. She said yes happily, so I followed up with a compliment. She stopped without me asking. I did some light banter (talking about what we were doing here, talked about procrastination). I then asked her to walk around the mall with me (since I told her I was doing Christmas shopping, which was a lie obviously hahaha). She said she had to go meet up with her friends (she already told me this, but hell, I'm still gonna ask for investment). I should've persisted here, saying something like: "10 minutes won't kill you." But instead I tried to close. She said she wasn't looking for a relationship, and I said me neither. But then she said that she wasn't looking for anything. She then said: "but I'll probably see you around! Byee!" Then walked away.

Fucking fundamentals. Oh fundamentals. You kill me so much. Why can't I be more physically attractive. If only girls would look past my physical appearance and give me a chance to talk! Just talk to them! I guess that's just not how it works in the real world....

My mustache is coming together real nice. My goatee too. I just need to grow out my goatee more, so that the short hairs have a chance to grow out, and then I need to trim my facial hair, and it will be good! Gotta keep hitting up the gym, which I am keeping up with. 135 lbs and growing! My voice is gonna be babyish until I get a voice coach (which is probably gonna cost a shit load of money OR I could waste time on youtube looking at videos on 'how to lower your voice', which might or might not work). Gotta focus on certain fundamentals each week (the most important one right now is keeping my back straight while talking to girls! For some reason I always forget and start slouching once I get into convo and I've said this a thousand times but for some reason can never remember!!!!!!!).

Also, what is funny is that my journal has been 'stickied' hahaha. I guess that's a good thing?