Thanks for chiming in
@AspiringStoic and
@gameboy - always appreciate ur insights guys.
But what is causing the apathy or bitterness?
Im a bit disappointed with my results, and this distorts my perception. One symptom of it is that i blow small resistance out of proportions - as shown in this case.
Also, a girl i was seeing quite often has now pulled back a bit, so daygame has pretty much become my only source of pussy - and its not working very well for me right now.
I keep looking for patterns in order to improve my game, but as u also said, theres a lotta noise / randomness in this thing.
The crux of the matter are my pretty solidified mindsets (listed below) that cause me to go into autopilot and sabotage an interaction. I know ill bust thru this, but for now im in a weird purgatory of sorts.
(And comparing myself to others doesnt really help, so ill stop doing that.)
I don't know if you use it as an opener, but even later in the interaction what is she going to say? If she says "Yes I'm single", that basically takes all her defenses away. So unless she is already super certain that she wants to hook up to you, she's going to be hesitant to say yes.
I get a lotta YESs to this screen, but i ultimately get rejected by those same girls anyway.
I agree with u tho that theres something off about asking girls straight on if theyre single. As i observed multiple times, its really a compliance request, and some girls wont comply to it. If they do, they might think i expect something out of them - eg. dating me.
Could also be the way i deliver it tho, cant say for sure.
I still wanna know asap if a girl is taken or not, so ill tweak this screen a bit.
--
(Was i really more successful tho? Ill have to crunch the numbers and see.)
I did crunch the numbers from march to august, and heres the deal.
My objective was essentially to understand if my daygame got worse lately, and/or if theres any seasonality that plays a role in my results.
So basically:
- understanding what i CAN control (and improve in it)
- understanding what i CANT control (and live with it)
The numbers show big variance on a monthly basis, with august being slightly worse than the other months, but it doesnt seem to be that big of a deal.
Im getting 1 date per 20 approaches on average. Not saying i cant improve this ratio, but it seems to be in line with the data shared by other daygamers.
So the answer is
no, i was not more successful in spring. My daytime approaches did not get worse and i shouldnt care about seasonality. I got slightly more rejections in august, but who knows why really.
--
The more pressing question is:
why didnt i lay those dates?
Heres a list of whys in descending order:
- not leading to sex properly (pulling back instead of persisting, trying to get her to invite me over to hers, not inviting her properly, not following up properly, not focusing on fast escalation)
- take/give imbalance (asking for too much compliance, being either too eager or too aloof, feeling entitled, being cold via text and not showing / building up emotions, not building social capital, pushing for things without building rapport / comfort / understanding)
- not enough attraction / interest (i didnt care enough about the girl, my fashion was not on point, she was leaving soon and not interested / aroused enough for a quick thing, she didnt wanna take the risk due to bad logistics)
- tight schedule (i had / she had to get a plane the next morning and we had no other free slots)
- confusion due to me not showing enough intent (rare)
If we boil all of this down, we meet some old acquaintances:
-
playing not to lose (basically having "breaking rapport anxiety", too much ego-stroking, having sympathy instead of empathy)
-
unattainability (not displaying emotions, not being humble, not being warm, not persisting "for her")
-
scarcity mentality (feeling entitled, feeling that sex is a big deal, not having fun, not being playful, being tense)
-
bad logistics (being impatient, her not being aroused / intrigued enough to take the risk of hopping on a train with me and coming over to my city)
Additional (minor) reason is having too fixed a schedule (eg. if i meet a girl today and my flight is tomorrow, it might make sense to stay a few days more to try to seal the deal).
Its clear that some aspects of female psychology are still not fully intuitive to me - above all, womens need for persistence and for someone attainable that handles their concerns.
My focus should be on these needs. I need more exp, and the only way to get it is to keep grinding, possibly approaching more girls per hour, and going thru those dates.
--
Whats next?
Im confident i can bust thru this plateau.
For the immediate future, ill try to ramp up the approaches per hour. Maybe improving my fashion too.
I also set myself an objective whose importance i always underestimated: whenever i make a move on a girl - be it inviting her to hang out, inviting her over to my city, inviting her over to mine, or escalating to sex -
ill have to persist at least 3 times.
Ill be aware that shell be tentative, shell protest, shell make counter-proposals that are bad for seduction, and shell resist one or two times.
Ill be aware that ill wrongly perceive this as lack of interest, and that ill be tempted to drop the ball and give up. This is how my mind works right now.
Its alright. Gotta get myself used to
taking charge and handling her concerns.
Dont just blindly plough thru. Dont make jokes about it. And ofc if she gives a firm NO, its a no.
But be willing to accept that she really needs persistence, and needs u to be attainable, to understand what the concern is and to do something about it.
Be looking forward to this.
Right now i expect her to agree on first try, and then her resistance throws me off. It should be the opposite:
expect her to resist a few times, and, if anything, let her allowing the escalation throw u off.
Anything other than a clear "no thanks" is tentativeness, and its ok and normal. Focus on warm persistence.
(As a first step towards this objective, i just pinged a girl i dropped the ball with a month ago.)
