Gameboy's Journal

[gameboy]

Thanks @Chase for the kind words!

I'm definitely still in the game. And plan to be until I'm in a relationship again, circumstances permitting.

I'm really enjoying this learning experience, even though it is hard. Hell, because it is hard! I know I'll figure this out at some point. And I'm having fun journaling about it and getting feedback from all you guys here.

As for approaching with suboptimal looks, I'm totally with you that it's mostly in the head. If you can approach in a confident way even though you're looking kind of weird I think most girls won't even care. That said, herpes often makes me quite self-conscious since ideally I want to escalate with a girl and kiss her at some point. Which this particular disease makes pretty much impossible, at least in my mind.

TLDR: Back to approaching, couple of hello's, one ping but the girl wasn't receptive

Fortunately though, my lips are much better already. Herpes is pretty much gone, and the one thing that remains is a chaffed lower lip. I've been having this for weeks now, maybe a whole month. It's a little wound right in the center that refuses to close for some reason. I often get this in winter when it's cold, but in summer it's a first. Oh well, it's not that bad but I hope it does heal soon.

Actually I decided to resume approaching today, even before seeing Chase's post. Did a few hello's first to warm up. Most of the girls ignored me (for various reasons, headphones on, just speaking into their phone the moment I said hi, so no real rude ignores). The first one gave me a positive reaction though, she looked at me out of the corner of her eye, smiled slightly and softly said hello back while we walked past each other. In retrospect, I should totally have opened her since she was a pretty one. I remember she had long straight black hair, Latina-style. But it was my first approach of the day so I wasn't really mentally prepared. First approach in a week actually, thinking of it.

Later I went to the beach, but it was a cloudy day and I didn't see any good looking girls by themselves, nor did I come across any sets that I found approachable (and of appropriate age).

Much later when I was riding around on the bike, I saw a girl trying to use one of the showers on the beach. They are all turned off to save water (drought problems here). She looked attractive enough from behind, again long black hair as I like it. I saw my opportunity, and said to her as I got close "No water here in this place!"... no real reaction, so I said "...sorry!" to follow up. (Not as in sorry to be talking to you, but sorry that the water is turned off).

She seemed uncomfortable though, just barely looked at me and mouthed something that I could barely hear let alone understand. Then I realized that a few steps away there were two women that, by their looks, probably were her mother and her sister. Which sort of explains why she wouldn't talk to me if she was there with her mom. Might have been a bit young for me even though I couldn't really tell by her looks.

 

[Bob Z]

Fortunately though, my lips are much better already. Herpes is pretty much gone, and the one thing that remains is a chaffed lower lip. I've been having this for weeks now, maybe a whole month. It's a little wound right in the center that refuses to close for some reason. I often get this in winter when it's cold, but in summer it's a first. Oh well, it's not that bad but I hope it does heal soon.

Chafed lower lip could be a vitamin B deficiency. Worth looking into a well-sourced B-complex supplement.

Glad to see you getting back out there!

 

[gameboy]

Just one approach today... damn...

Yesterday I got contacted by a girl I knew from online. She said she'd be in my city for the day and we could meet. I told her I'd love to, but then she strung me along all day, and finally at night told me it's too late now. What goes??

She wanted to reschedule for Sunday but not sure I'm up for that. I deleted Tinder months ago but this particular girl I still was in touch with, she lives in a different city though and we never met

Today I went out and decided to do a warm up approach (favorite color question) on my way to the beach, which ended up being my only approach of the day. Walking down the street (I was pushing the bike to have more opportunities to open) I saw a girl that looked interesting. Made sure not to check her out much since she was coming at me frontally, I didn't want to creep her out. When I was next to her I asked her "Excuse me can you tell me your favorite color?" She didn't understand the language, so I repeated the question in English. I realized she was very attractive, I'd give her a 10 at first glance. Nice tanned-dark skin tone, long curly hair, and wearing a tight black elegant top.

She asked me "Why?" so I reflexively said "It's an exercise.", then added "I have to ask all the pretty girls I see" smiling. I'm not sure she heard the last part though, if she did she didn't react to it. But she half talked over me and said "Green!", then after a pause "It's means hope." but she also started walking. I said to her "I love green, it's my favorite color too." Can't quite remember what she replied, I think she just nodded. She kept walking but was also still looking at me, so I asked her "Where are you from?" - She said "Palestine" - Damn, that threw me off. I always think of politics and war when girls are from conflicted countries. So I just said to her "Wow... nice to meet you!" She said "Nice to meet you too" and we both went on our way.

Again, it was my first approach and it was meant as a warmup. But I wonder what would have happened if instead of saying "it's an exercise" I'd have told her I thought she was cute and I wanted to talk to her like Chase advised me. I'm not sure it'd be congruent because I only realized she was hot after I had stopped her.

Then I went to the beach, I have to say I saw one perfect 10 there just as I arrived. She was standing there topless, just in a bikini bottom. She had the most perfect slim figure and large boobs, they must have been artificially enhanced because they were just a bit too big for her figure. But they didn't look artificial, so someone did a really good job on them. Unfortunately she was there with an older woman, probably her mother. No idea if I'd have had the balls to approach her if she'd been alone, but definitely not in front of that other lady.

So she was just standing there, talking to her mom who was lying down. It seemed like she just enjoyed showing off her awesome body. I put my towel close by and went for a quick swim. The two of them got dresed and left shortly after.

I then walked around a bit on the beach and did see some single girls, but again AA struck... Somehow I'm finding it harder to approach in summer than in winter. I think it's because there are so many people now, if I walk up to a girl there will be 5 people around her who will all overhear everything I say. Often just a meter or two away. That doesn't make it easier at all.

And one more thing, once you see a perfect 10 like that, the plain jane lying all by herself 5 meters over to the right just doesn't do it anymore...

I didn't have too much time on the beach because I had to be somewhere in the afternoon. Came back in the evening for a bit, but by then a chill wind was blowing and the sun was going down, so most people were getting up and leaving.

So yeah, just one lame old favorite color approach today. At least the girl was cool! And hot. Should've invited her home as Chase said a recent article, just to see what happens... What if she was just looking for a cute guy to cuddle up with?!

By her accent I thought she was American, and if she'd said, say, New York, I was planning to chat her up a bit more even though she was half walking away. But I didn't know what to respond when she said Palestine.

 

[bgwh]

What is the chase article that you're referencing?

 

[gameboy]

What is the chase article that you're referencing?

How to Start Picking Up Girls (Beginner Guide)

Who do you have to be to pick up girls? Well, you have to be YOU! But you do need to do things right. Follow these steps to start picking up girls today. Contents 1. What to Understand First 2. How Girls See You Your Look Your Behavior 3. Where to Pick Girls Up At Social Circle Spots Night Game...

www.girlschase.com

For some reason the part about always inviting her home really resonated with me. Sounds much more fun than getting a number.

 

[isildur1]

keep grinding - even doing one approach is a lot more than most men do in their lifetime - never forget that

 

[bgwh]

Yep it's 1 approach above the lifetime average of most guys (zero approaches)

 

[gameboy]

keep grinding - even doing one approach is a lot more than most men do in their lifetime - never forget that

Thanks isildur! Will do!

 

[isildur1]

Yep it's 1 approach above the lifetime average of most guys (zero approaches)

probably more than most red pill dating coaches lol!

 

[isildur1]

Thanks isildur! Will do!

whatever you do - dont give up - one approach a day is 365 a year- if you build that momentum variance will come in and you will get those yes girls. Far too many men quit when the going gets a little tough or they get a few flakes here and there

maybe find a wingman to push you into more sets or cover some more volume

 

[gameboy]

Yesterday I was busy with other stuff and didn't do any approaches. Went out in the night, drank a little alcohol (not much by any means) but today I have a slight hangover anyway. Time to give up on the booze completely I think... but then who doens't say that after a night out?

This morning I went for a coffee, then to the shop to buy some groceries. On my way back home I wanted to do a warmup, came a cross several groups of girls, then a 2-set right opposite my house who looked nice so I decided to ask the prettier one of the two for her favorite color.

She looked off into the distance, saying "What's my favorite color?"... thinking about it, while her friend waited. After a while she said "I don't know, right now I really like pink!" Then looked at me waiting for my reply. This was the first time this happened I think, she didn't ask me why and didn't seem in a hurry to keep walking, she just played along. Unfortunately I didn't have anything prepared mentally, just wanted to get that first approach out of the way so I said "Oh pink, how beautiful! Like roses!" she said "Indeed, yeah!" and I think I started walking away first. I did have shoppng bags in hand and all and it was a two set so... more difficult... but I definitely could have chatted with this girl a bit more!

 

[bgwh]

Yesterday I was busy with other stuff and didn't do any approaches. Went out in the night, drank a little alcohol (not much by any means) but today I have a slight hangover anyway. Time to give up on the booze completely I think... but then who doens't say that after a night out?

This morning I went for a coffee, then to the shop to buy some groceries. On my way back home I wanted to do a warmup, came a cross several groups of girls, then a 2-set right opposite my house who looked nice so I decided to ask the prettier one of the two for her favorite color.

She looked off into the distance, saying "What's my favorite color?"... thinking about it, while her friend waited. After a while she said "I don't know, right now I really like pink!" Then looked at me waiting for my reply. This was the first time this happened I think, she didn't ask me why and didn't seem in a hurry to keep walking, she just played along. Unfortunately I didn't have anything prepared mentally, just wanted to get that first approach out of the way so I said "Oh pink, how beautiful! Like roses!" she said "Indeed, yeah!" and I think I started walking away first. I did have shoppng bags in hand at all and it was a two set so... more difficult... but I definitely could have chatted with this girl a bit more!

Those are really good situations that make you understand how many girls want to be approached. When they go ahead and obviously try to make the conversation longer. It's nice for building the belief that girls want this.

 

[gameboy]

Did two more approaches in the afternoon.

The first one was on the beach. It was a hot day, and I took a dip in the sea. While I was swimming close to the shore, an attractive Asian looking girl came to the water, dipped her toes in and made a face like it's too cold. (The sea is still a bit cold at first touch, maybe 19 degrees C. I just jumped right in today and once you're in, it's great. Just like cold approach, ha!)

The girl was slim, tall but I don't think she was taller than me, maybe 170 o 175cm. While she was standing there with her feet in the water, I said to her "You don't dare to come in eh?" and she replied "it's so cold..." I told her no it isn't, it's great! And kept teasing her a bit.

She went in, little by little. I asked her where she's from, she said X (European country). I told her I'm from Y but I live here. She asked me how come? I told her I love the beach and the sea. She said, then you should go to Asia, it's great for swimming. And told me she was also from Cambodia.

Then I told her, just jump in! Part of me wanted to take her hand and pull her, or grab her and throw her in the water like I used to do with the ex, hehe. But I didn't, didn't want to be all that bold with a chick I was just starting to talk to.

Eventually she went in up to her neck, I cheered her on a bit and she went swimming around. I stayed near the shore, dipping my head under the waterline and having fun with the waves. After a while left the water and returned to my towel. Made eye contact with her once or twice while she was swimming, she swam like a duck without getting her hair wet lol. When she came out of the water she reopened me saying "it wasn't that bad" or something like that. I had trouble understanding her, because she spoke in a soft voice and the waves were loud. So I got up and walked over closer to her. She was collecting something from the sand, so I asked her "Are you looking for shells?" she said "No, rocks" so I asked her "You like rocks?" and she said, yes, she likes geography. I asked "What do you like about it?" in an attempt to deep dive a bit. She told me she finds it fascinating, I think something about how they're millions of years old. I'm really not a geography nerd, and I didn't come up with a cool response. I believe I said "yeah and the rocks have layes" to which she said "yeah" and that was it.

I often find it hard to banter with people unless they have my exact type of humor. That was a great thing about my ex. We shared this love of absurd humor, and could really make each other laugh all the time. We started hitting it off in that way from the first time we met.

The Asian girl wandered off for a while, and at one point I got the idea to ask her if she could read the chinese characters on my t-shirt. I shouted out to her "Excuse me" and tried to wave her over, but she didn't seem to hear me. Apparently something had caught her attention and she headed up the beach. I looked where she went and... she went over to her boyfriend who was lying righ there, 10 or 20 meters up from my position! God damn. Fortunately the guy was lying face down... so I don't think he saw us talking. But the girl shared a towel with him so they were obviously a couple.

So that was the 2nd approach of the day. A receptive girl, attractive, but unfortunately taken.

Later when I was walking the streets in the city center, I saw two cute girls dressed in black coming right at me. Without thinking much I asked the one closest to me "'scuse me quick question, can you tell me your favorite color?" She stopped and looked at me. I remember she had make up in the outer corners of her eyes, as seems to be the current fashion for the more alternative girls. Most girls can't really make it work, but it actually looked good on her. She told me "Blue!" without even hesitating much. I wanted to ask her "Blue? Are you wearing anything blue?" but instead just said "Blue? Nice, thanks!" and we both carried on.

I think I'm getting a bit too used to this opener which doesn't easily lead anywhere. Might want to change it up at some point, even though it's a fun warmup opener but I guess I need to be careful not to make it my default.

I'm thinking it might be a good idea after stopping her with "Excuse me, quick question" to follow up with "Are you from here?" and then give her a compliment on her style or something that I like about her.

 

[AspiringStoic]

@gameboy

I think it could be time to really start showing intent. Not jumping in with something super bold but slowly bit by bit.

Before I was able to just open with a compliment, I did a lot of these:

Me: Hi excuse me, do you know how to get to xyz/ do you know the best cafe around here etc?

Her: Oh yeah you gotta go......

Me: Got it. Thanks a lot. By the way, your sneakers look really cool. Bye. ( and then run away. )

I did many many of these. Its lower pressure, not complimenting directly on the open. Asking something and then giving the compliment right before you leave. No need to stay to see how its taken and then engage further. Compliment is about shoes, earrings, shirt, sweater, coat, sunglasses etc not really sexual.

All these help to make it more easier before doing the regular direct opens. If I were you, I would try this. From what I see, you are not a local so would be natural to ask for directions etc and then just drop a compliment and run away if you want. This is even less pressure initially than the favorite color opener but it ends with something that will massively benefit you as it gets you used to compliments.

Once I got comfortable with this. I loved doing this. I am not kidding during the last Christmas and January period, there was a time when I did 10 of these everyday for a couple of weeks. Spread a lot of Christmas and holiday cheer.

Try it out. This could be your next stop en route to becoming more direct and bold.

 

[bgwh]

@gameboy

I agree with the last point stoic made. This is actually easier than the favorite color thing you're doing.

I didn't want to sound unsupportive, so I didn't comment on it: but I was thinking "that favorite color thing just seems like the worst of both worlds".

It's direct without giving you any of the benefits of being direct. So you get neither the benefits of direct or indirect.

What Stoic recommended is the opposite. It has the benefits of both direct and indirect and is actually easier.

 

[gameboy]

Makes complete sense guys. The favorite color thing was mainly to get over AA, and that worked well.

But I'm starting to feel that I want to be more direct.

 

[AspiringStoic]

It's direct without giving you any of the benefits of being direct. So you get neither the benefits of direct or indirect.

Very aptly put.

@gameboy
I think Chase recommended it to you as a way of leaning in to direct right? Ask her, her favorite color and if she asks why, then deliver a compliment.

But I see that since compliments are still quite hard for you, as it was for me too, adding a compliment at the end would be more easier. Really excited to hear how it goes for you if you start trying this out.

 

[AspiringStoic]

@gameboy

Also another thing. I think I mentioned it before as well. Reading your reports, one thing I think you should definitely try is carving out time specifically for approaching or doing "sessions".

Say for 1 hour or 30 minutes its approaching time. Walk around and have only the intent of approaching on your mind. No going to swim, getting grocceries, running other errands etc. For that time you are just approaching. This helped me a lot when it comes to AA.

It was like a meditation. For that period all other thoughts are kept aside and its only about approaching. If in that time period you could not force yourself to approach its okay. Try the same the next day for a particular period.

See how this goes. If you do this, you won't have 'daygame guilt'. That guilty feeling whenever you see a girl and did not approach. You don't have to be "on" all the time or have approaching on your mind all day.

You just focus on it for that period you have set aside and the rest of the day you focus on other things and go about your life.

See if this works better. But try it out for at least 10 days and see the difference.

 

[gameboy]

Also another thing. I think I mentioned it before as well. Reading your reports, one thing I think you should definitely try is carving out time specifically for approaching or doing "sessions".

Yeah I'm doing this quite often, I just didn't spell it out here in the journal. Usually I just wrote "I was walking around on the beach / in the city" but these were actually dedicated sessions where I was walking for extended periods of time with the goal of approaching. (I didn't set myself a timer though.)

It was like a meditation.

That sounds interesting

I have a hard time being that focussed. That said, I did have a few "runs" where I managed to do several approaches in short order, one after the other. Feels really great when that happens! LIke you're in the zone, great social momentum.

 

[Chase]

@gameboy
I think Chase recommended it to you as a way of leaning in to direct right? Ask her, her favorite color and if she asks why, then deliver a compliment.

Purely as a way to bypass approach anxiety.

He'd been going out for weeks, seeing women everywhere, but simply could not get himself to approach.

So I gave him something harmless to ask women (favorite color + Zodiac sign). The favorite color is absolutely harmless, while Zodiac sign is pretty harmless but still gives a very interested girl something to latch onto and talk about to him about.

@gameboy seems to have dropped the Zodiac sign part out and continued with "favorite color", at least when he still uses that to open. So that one's at max harmlessness now!

However, he's also branching out and trying out different openings. Sooner or later he'll settle on a toothier default opener he can use for warmups.

Real goal of course is to get him into some substantial conversations! So it's nice to see some beginnings of that, e.g., here:

Did two more approaches in the afternoon.

The first one was on the beach. It was a hot day, and I took a dip in the sea. While I was swimming close to the shore, an attractive Asian looking girl came to the water, dipped her toes in and made a face like it's too cold. (The sea is still a bit cold at first touch, maybe 19 degrees C. I just jumped right in today and once you're in, it's great. Just like cold approach, ha!)

The girl was slim, tall but I don't think she was taller than me, maybe 170 o 175cm. While she was standing there with her feet in the water, I said to her "You don't dare to come in eh?" and she replied "it's so cold..." I told her no it isn't, it's great! And kept teasing her a bit.

She went in, little by little. I asked her where she's from, she said X (European country). I told her I'm from Y but I live here. She asked me how come? I told her I love the beach and the sea. She said, then you should go to Asia, it's great for swimming. And told me she was also from Cambodia.

Then I told her, just jump in! Part of me wanted to take her hand and pull her, or grab her and throw her in the water like I used to do with the ex, hehe. But I didn't, didn't want to be all that bold with a chick I was just starting to talk to.

Eventually she went in up to her neck, I cheered her on a bit and she went swimming around. I stayed near the shore, dipping my head under the waterline and having fun with the waves. After a while left the water and returned to my towel. Made eye contact with her once or twice while she was swimming, she swam like a duck without getting her hair wet lol. When she came out of the water she reopened me saying "it wasn't that bad" or something like that. I had trouble understanding her, because she spoke in a soft voice and the waves were loud. So I got up and walked over closer to her. She was collecting something from the sand, so I asked her "Are you looking for shells?" she said "No, rocks" so I asked her "You like rocks?" and she said, yes, she likes geography. I asked "What do you like about it?" in an attempt to deep dive a bit. She told me she finds it fascinating, I think something about how they're millions of years old. I'm really not a geography nerd, and I didn't come up with a cool response. I believe I said "yeah and the rocks have layes" to which she said "yeah" and that was it.

I often find it hard to banter with people unless they have my exact type of humor. That was a great thing about my ex. We shared this love of absurd humor, and could really make each other laugh all the time. We started hitting it off in that way from the first time we met.

The Asian girl wandered off for a while, and at one point I got the idea to ask her if she could read the chinese characters on my t-shirt. I shouted out to her "Excuse me" and tried to wave her over, but she didn't seem to hear me. Apparently something had caught her attention and she headed up the beach. I looked where she went and... she went over to her boyfriend who was lying righ there, 10 or 20 meters up from my position! God damn. Fortunately the guy was lying face down... so I don't think he saw us talking. But the girl shared a towel with him so they were obviously a couple.

So that was the 2nd approach of the day. A receptive girl, attractive, but unfortunately taken.

This is a nice approach to see, @gameboy.

Improvised opener, spontaneous teases, reopens.

You're making clear progress!

When you have these situations where people are doing something or talking about liking something, "What are you going to do with that?" or some variation thereof is a useful open-ended question to get more conversation going off of.

YOU: Are you looking for shells?​

HER: No, rocks.​

YOU: I see. What for?​

HER: I like rocks.​

YOU: Okay cool. So let's say you find some good rocks. What's next?​

Not only does it give her a chance to talk about why she loves rocks or whatever it is, but you get another moment to think about where exactly you plan to take this conversation (like, tell her you should both collect a bunch of rocks and use them to build a fort?).

(you will also get chicks who just give you bare bones responses, no matter how clever you get... like this girl, whose boyfriend was waiting for her on a towel a little ways down the beach. So you may well have been hard-pressed to get much conversation going on with this one -- but always good to have some tools to respond to bare bones initial responses)

Later when I was walking the streets in the city center, I saw two cute girls dressed in black coming right at me. Without thinking much I asked the one closest to me "'scuse me quick question, can you tell me your favorite color?" She stopped and looked at me. I remember she had make up in the outer corners of her eyes, as seems to be the current fashion for the more alternative girls. Most girls can't really make it work, but it actually looked good on her. She told me "Blue!" without even hesitating much. I wanted to ask her "Blue? Are you wearing anything blue?" but instead just said "Blue? Nice, thanks!" and we both carried on.

I think I'm getting a bit too used to this opener which doesn't easily lead anywhere. Might want to change it up at some point, even though it's a fun warmup opener but I guess I need to be careful not to make it my default.

I'm thinking it might be a good idea after stopping her with "Excuse me, quick question" to follow up with "Are you from here?" and then give her a compliment on her style or something that I like about her.

Great, yeah.

"Favorite color" is pretty dead end.

That's what made it a good "break AA" opener, because your brain goes, "Well, favorite color, that can't possibly lead anywhere, right? So no need to worry about all those terrible things that might happen if I hit on a girl too openly!" and you're able to go talk to girls.

But now that you have talked to a bunch of girls and nothing terrible has happened, you're starting to reach the point where you are going to feel able to deliver openers with a little more teeth to them.

If you want to open this way:

"Excuse me, quick question" --> "Are you from here?" --> style compliment

.... as a next step I'd tie the compliment back to the "from here" bit so it all makes sense. e.g.:

"Hey there, quick question... are you from here? Okay I see. Because your boots are amazing. The instant I saw them I said, 'No way she's local, her fashion is way too sharp!'"

or

"I thought so. That style of shirt has been very popular around here recently but I don't see it much in my travels."

Chase