Update:
I did it. Forced myself to go out solo.
It took every effort. I could feel the excuses piling up. Hey new episode of show I love just dropped. I'm feeling like a headache is coming on. I'll look a weird, sad loner. I don't want to spend money. Lemme call my boys, see if I can drag them out. And so on and on and on ... it was interesting to eavesdrop on my internal dialogue.
I had made up my mind earlier in the day that if I went out for anything less than a half hour I'd feel like a failure. At a certain point, the knowledge of how shitty I'd feel if I didn't go out kicked in. I couldn't take another lonely Saturday night, obsessing about limerance girl.
An update on her below.
There was an event at the local outdoor venue going on near downtown, and it was busy. Immediately I saw a few young friends who busted my balls as I passed by and spotted a couple of cuties in my regular bar. My mood was quickly lifted out of its funk.
The plan was to post up at my regular watering hole and sit at the bar and nurse a drink for that half hour, then leave. I didn't put any expectations on myself about numbers of approaches, etc. I admire my peers
@gameboy,
@ZenRising and
@JT Sunshine for their discipline on making approaches. I'm working up to it.
Instead I headed for the event at the park to do reconnaissance out of curiosity and ended up spending the better part of an hour watching performances. Outdoor venue was packed on this lovely spring evening, and the crowd was in a peaceful, loving groove. I did get cautioned to stand out of the line of sight of some people with lawn seats. I crouched down, then sat. The cautioner was a girl who's on the local arts scene a lot. Some might find her attractive - a Deborah Harry look but thicc. Not me, her thick vocal fry is like fingernails on the blackboard. There's been times when I felt she was mildly intrigued by me, but that voice was too much for me to reciprocate.
Went back to the bar, it had quieted down a lot. Ordered a rare drink (I mostly quit last fall and it's been good, don't miss the booze as much as I thought I would as I was often pounding a half bottle of bourbon a night).
I saw this really adorable girl who is new in town sitting at the bar with a dude, they appeared to be on a date. I might have busted a move otherwise. She appears to be in her late 30s or early 40s, maybe a little too young for proper dating, too old for a sugar baby. It was interesting to observe her date - the guy looked clean and presentable, but obviously not as striking or interesting-looking as me. If he was with a girl this hot, then sky's the limit for me. At least that's what I told myself.
Saw a couple of girls sitting on the patio on this cool, lovely evening. They invited me over. I know one pretty well - was the ex-gf to two of my main boys. (It's a small town - we say "you don't lose your lover, you lose your turn.") She's really cute, but has put on some weight over the years. Otherwise I might have a go, I am pretty sure she fancies me. Her friend was kinda attractive, a 50-year-old redhead, but I wasn't feeling the sexy good times vibe. Not excluding her entirely though.
My goal was being friendly, engaged, actively listening and sharing stories. Rapport. I probably talked more than I wanted to. My friends' ex - let's call her Cindy - thought I was still in a relationship, and she hounded me for details about my situation when she found out otherwise, and I could tell her and her friend's spider senses were tingling. An eligible bachelor! The rarest of all species on the Serengeti Plains of our small-town life.
Also, Cindy and her friend regretted having missed our performance last week. We've got to do an encore - we will easily sell out just through word of mouth.
Another two people joined us - both Germans, who I thought were a couple, but no, just fellow countrymen. The girl was maybe a little old for me, but still pretty cute. And so charming and stylish! I was feeling those mystic chords of humankind strumming along. We had a spirited, wide-ranging conversation. I kept myself busy facilitating it - asking people their views, smoothing out the awkward moments, thread-jacking when it seemed to stall or went into buzzkill zones, and generally keeping everyone involved and engaged.
It's something I'm quite good at - though my ex would often make disparaging comments about how much I would dominate conversations. Toward the end of our relationship I pushed back and asked her what percent of time she spent talking in our conversations. She sheepishly admitted, "75 percent." More like 80-85 pct actually. It was important to remind myself that any girl who felt it OK to disparage me for traits that weren't true wasn't worthy of me. It is important because I'd been missing her of late and am/was contemplating reaching out.
I sat there an hour with the four of them until our German friends made to leave. Cindy texted me afterward, saying it was fun to hang out. Sweet.
Limerance Girl:
I posted up in General about my situation. Not much feedback yet. We texted back and forth about a few things yesterday, and she sent me a long text reassuring me that she wouldn't ever share some of the indiscreet information she got out of me about a delicate situation in which I am involved. I teased her about putting sodium pentathol truth serum in her water bottle that we shared when he hung out Friday. I think she was qualifying herself to me.
I made myself wait til the morning to reply with another round of teasing, then asked her if she wanted to hang out later in the afternoon. She said no, her and friend were going to an event and would I like to join them? I thought hard about it. Two things legislated against it in my mind - one, I was in the middle of a home repair (I am one of the least handy people I know but it's got to be done), and two, for all I know her friend is a dude who's been pounding it out. Unlikely, but even if it was a girlfriend, I would have felt awkward. Probably for her, too.
She's leaving town at the end of the month for all of June, and I'd like to get another hangout before then, but at this point I don't know. She seemed to show little interest in hanging out today, despite me feeling like Friday was a breakthrough in the depth of our connection and attraction for each other. It would have been easy for her to say she's love to hang out soon, or even later in the day, etc, or suggest an alternative.
At this point, I think my best move is to leave the ball in her court. Wait for her to contact me. I've got a feeling that it might never happen. And I'll be on standby for months, hoping against hope.
But I'm not moping around, I'm taking action. I've got a lunch date for tomorrow lined up. The girl seems very earnest and nice, but I wasn't feeling much flirty banter during our conversation. Definitely not an artsy chick, my favorite kind, of which limerance girl is the beau ideal. But I'll keep an open mind.
This weekend was a step in the right direction. I fought through my social anxiety and had a good time. That's doesn't mean next time will be any easier, but at least I'm building confirmation that I'll be OK.
hilarious! Thanks for sharing!
