Re: backstory's frontstory
11 approaches today, 3 numbers and 1 insta date.
10 approaches a day is a great number for me to be doing. In 10 approaches I learn a lot....after I do this many, I'm often wanting to run home to write down all my observations so I can digest everything I've learned. I really wanted to do 100 approaches next week but we'll have to see.
2 of my approaches today felt great and amazing and both girls were really having fun too.
Here's how my approaches go right now:
Approach - Banter - Deep Diving - Lull/Silence - Deep Diving - Number Close
Towards the end of the first deep diving is where girls start checking their phones and say they have to go and leave. If it's an approach where everything is going well, there is (almost) always a lull in the conversation. Conversation just naturally dies off after a bit of deep diving and theres a silence that is not awkward for me, but it's clearly awkward for the girl. There could be multiple reasons why conversation is dying off. Here's what I started doing today that is really working for me:
Approach - Banter - Deep Diving - Banter - Deep Diving - Number Close
I'm gonna talk about some specific interactions now...
Boat Lady and Backstory Go On an Insta Date
She was sitting down on the sidewalk with her guitar. She was an older lady...with completely grey hair. I open her by saying this:
“i love your style! i just had to come say hi because it’s so unique"
This girl was a complete weirdo. I loved it. She reminded me of me a few years ago. As soon as I opened her, she lit up and started getting quite excited. We chatted a little bit then I asked her to stand up. We're standing and she's saying "Let's hang out! Let's go to starbucks!" We started walking to starbucks and I said, “youre single right??” she says “yes! are you single?” This really threw me off. This was the first time a girl had asked me if I was single. I was thinking what would be the best thing to say for preselection, “yeah I just broke up with my girlfriend.” Later she wanted to know why I broke up with my girlfriend so I made up some stupid story.
We're sitting in starbucks and she tries to sit across the table from me. I say "no, you're sitting beside me." (Thanks Seppuku). She sits beside me. We're chatting some more. She's holding strong eye contact and my hand is resting on her shoulder/arm for long amounts of time. As we are chatting I notice my body language is way too open. I'm literally facing her and leaning in and she's sitting facing the table. I readjusted my body language to be more closed.
The barista puts her latte down on the counter at the front. She says to me, "can you go get my latte?" I said, "no you can go get it yourself." She goes and gets it.
I take down her landline number. Apparently she doesn't have a cell phone. She's like, "Call me in the morning or the night! And if you don't reach me, just keep calling till you do!" Internally i was laughing...then she asks me to write down my number on a piece of paper so she can call me later if she has to.
Later I realized I was doing too much deep diving because she was starting to look too serious and things were getting boring. I started freaking out internally. Whoa whoa whoa WHOA what was I doing? Alert! SOS! I immediately start bantering her to get things light hearted again. She starts smiling and getting that sparkle in her eye that she had when she first met me. Then I said, "OK, we're going back outside now." I realized she was waiting for me to lead. This chick was like putty in my hands. She was doing anything I asked her to do. I need to start taking charge on dates.
Anyways we went outside and I got her to play a song on the guitar for me. Then I said goodbye. You know, I feel like she thinks I'm her friend....
Approach Invitation At The Bus Stop
I'm sitting on the bench at the bus stop and there is this cute nerdy girl, to my left. She is giving me approach invitations like mad - you know, looking around in THAT WAY. However she looks really shy and submissive. immediately my mindsets are getting in the way:
1. She's a bookworm and I don't know how to talk to bookworms
2. The bus is coming soon, there won't be enough time to even build some comfort with her to get her number because she's so shy.
3. It's already been like 5 minutes, it's too late to approach now...it would be awkward.
UGH. I get up and go check when the bus is coming. On my way back to the bench I make eye contact with her. She looks down shyly. Then her bus comes. As she's getting onto the bus, she turns around to look at me.
This honestly could have been an easy number close if it weren't for my mindsets. It seems like lately I am getting a lot of approach invitations at bus stops/IN buses. I haven't read chases material on this yet but I'm coming up with my strategy for it to handle these mindset issues and situations.
For example, let's say me and a girl are hanging around at a bus stop and I've been around her 5 minutes. It wouldn't be very smooth to open direct, rather it makes more sense to open indirect/situational. If I open direct, it will look like I've been thinking about saying this to the girl for 5 minutes, lol.
As for the limited time at bus stops, I'm gonna start using Chase's 2 minute number close technique.
I talked to a few bookworms today...I honestly don't know how to handle it because I'm such a contrast to them. I definitely come across as more of a loud party guy especially with my clothing.
Some Other Girl
I met this girl on tinder before....we were kinda bantering, but she mostly ignored me. I'll be honest - my tinder profile sucks. It doesn't really show my face. Then she started talking to me on facebook. We scheduled a date, but she flaked. My pictures on Facebook don't really show my face either.
Then today I saw her in the hallway and opened her. She was quite clearly into me. It was a really light fun hearted conversation with a bit of deep diving. Near the start of the conversation my mind was blanking so hard, I couldn't think of anything to say! I feel like she forgave this mistake because she was into me.
I got her number and here's how the initial conversation went:
Backstory: Hi bambie
This is backstory. save my # in your phone.
Bambie: Don't tell me what to do
My last three approaches of the day were blowouts where the girls just ignored me. This was definitely in part due to my strategy. I was standing around opening chicks as they walked by. Obviously it's not gonna work, I just look like some weirdo. I'll have to try different strategies.
There's so much other stuff to talk about too but this is the important stuff I learned today.
I guess the next step is to start setting up dates. I'm interested in seeing which girls flake and which don't. I wish to find out which stage I need to get to before the girl never (or rarely flakes). For example, if I do Approach - Banter - Number close, will they always flake?
