Self-improvement of Wes

[Mr. Wes]

@Ray yea, honestly, I did only approach like 3-4 girls that night. I try to calm down with approaching when I'm out with friends. They get frustrated when they have to stop and wait for me to finish. Sometimes I've had friends just leave me and continue walking around so i have to find them later. this wouldn't be a problem if they weren't my ride home.
Now that I think about it, I can ride home with a girl I hit it off with. Anyway...


New Year's Day, last night.

I met this guy while he was playing his Xbox or PS4 in the lounge, and he was pretty cool so he was going to hit the bars with me because he was also interested in getting with jp girls. He told me he's slept with 4 jp girls already since he's been here (he's been here for a year) and he showed me pictures of the girls and showed me one that he said he wanted to marry but things didn't work out.
We got to know each other and I opened up about myself being a virgin and he said that he was going to help me out and he'll take me to Roppongi on my birthday this month and show me ALL the places to go.

We ended up leaving the lounge and going to a local bar right outside our housing.
The bar was owned by Japanese Filipinos who could speak Tagalog and Japanese and a little bit of English. This guy seemed to be good friends with some guys who were regulars there AND the hot Filipina bartenders.
They had some huge tits.
I got a couple shots there and sang karaoke with the guys and attempted to hit on the bartenders but they just treated me like I was a silly drunk guy who didn't know what I was doing. Forget bartenders...they must be masters at swerving your flirting attempts.
So we head to the bar upstairs that's also owned by Filipinos. We walk in and it's Filipina milfs all over the place and they greet us and hug us and stuff. The guy seems to be familiar with the bartender, Bella (who he told me about earlier, but we'll get to that soon)
There's also two other nerdy black guys in there that are all handsy with the hottest milfs in there.
The hottest one, Myrna, hugs me and introduces herself and at first I'm thrown off with how forward she is and how old she looks. She had a banging body for a 40 year old.
I go around introducing myself to the other women and the other two guys in there and then take a couple more shots and order a Japanese beer.
The night was consisting of everyone passing the karaoke microphone around trying to sing, and me pulling Myrna or this other milf out onto the dance flirt to dance close with me.
These women were handsy. Every time they walked past any of us guys they made sure their hands were on us, would graze on a body part of ours, or they "accidentally" graze their ass on our crotches. I WAS LOVING IT.
It's rare that I get female physical contact so I always get excited when it happens and I kept a boner through most of the night. Anytime I was talking to one of the girls, holding her close, I'd feel her up until she took my hand away and I'd make her touch my boner. They'd always linger their hands there and cling around my shaft and rub it then take their hands away and ask me to buy them a drink.
Bella, the bartender was acting as a sorta translator for the milfs.
She told me that this lady would go home with me if I got her drunk enough and that I should buy her another drink. So i did. Big mistake. Her and Myrna were teases for the whole night. Switching between me and the other two guys in the bar. But the other guys seemed to hold onto them longer while for me, the girls would stick around for a few minutes then leave. The difference was that these guys were ACTUALLY talking to them whether through a translator, Bella, or them speaking Japanese.
I just would feel them up and continue making them feel my boner and just continue repeating and occasionally ask a question or two through Bella to show that I was interested in getting to know them. (But let's be real, I don't fucking care)
idk why but whenever I get physical contact with attractive women, I lose myself and completely forgot how to converse with them. Instead I keep trying to build my horniness up higher and higher because I'm getting closer and closer to wanting to fuck...but I disregard their feelings. It's like I'm thinking with my dick instead of my head and once I'm there, nothing can stop me...I'm just ready to cum already...and if they keep messing up the momentum, I feel like they're a tease. It frustrates me.
Then Bella did this little palm reading type trick to measure how long my dick is. She did it for thickness as well and surprisingly got both right. Apparently she does this to every new guy who comes in. Bella was sometimes handsy as well but she was mostly doing her job. She'd occasionally come from behind the counter and feel on my dick...then finally she sat down next to me and reached her hand inside my pants when nobody was looking and wrapped her hands around my dick and started stroking it. She was getting visibly excited. Then she whispered to me: go outside to the back, turn left and then take another left.

I went outside and went to where she told me to go. It was this back alley behind the bar. She came out and reached in my pants and pulled out my dick again and started giving me a handjob.
I won't go into detail but just know I didn't have sex with her, hell, I didn't even kiss her. I didn't even cum.
Wanna know why?
Okay, here it is...

Bella was a shemale.
Oh yea, and here's the other bit....I knew the whole time.
Now please don't judge me but since the summer I had been kinda bi-curious and interested in shemales (not men)
But ONLY when they're really believable females. If anything gives them away as a man, it's a turn off. I just don't like men.
Bella told me that she was a guy and if I was okay with it and I replied: I'll see. Idk yet.
Then she was like: what do you want to do?
I wanted her to give me a blowjob since her face was very feminine and believable. (She hardly had any hips)
She kept refusing and saying she'll do it later. She kept asking me to do shit I didn't want to do that we're complete turn offs for me. Goddangit...all I wanted was my dick sucked. I refused to do anything beside her giving me a handjob or giving me a bj. So she told me to make myself cum while she watched and played with hers.
I couldn't do it. Eventually we both went inside after giving up and I guess she figured I was too straight.

I got back inside and tried a couple more times to hit it off with Myrna but she kept teasing me and I was getting frustrated so I left and went home.

Some can take this story as embarrassing or weird but I think I learned something from it.
The weird part aside, I think it's pretty clear that I don't give a shit about other peoples turn ons and I look out for myself. One thing I've been learning in 2014 is that everyone has their fetishes. Some more normal than others. But everything is a fetish. And in order to turn girls on, I have to learn their "fetish" or preference and help them get off.
For my ex, it happened to be glow in the dark apparel in the bedroom.
For a female friend I almost lost my virginity with, it happened to be me biting my lip that turned her on.
Most girls like to be dominated.
Some girls like their hair pulled.
Some like their ass slapped.
Most guys like big boobs or big asses.
I happen to like thighs and ass. I happen to get turned on by a girls moans and sounds she makes when she's horny.
Some guys like to watch their wives get fucked in front of them. There's literally a fetish for just about anything and for two people to have sex, they have to understand what turns each other on.

I'm still figuring out what I like but so far I know I get turned on by ass and feeling the soft delicate bodies of women up against me. I have no idea which positions I enjoy most yet.
I'm thinking I need to get better at communicating with the women in my life so I can give them what they want and so I can get what I want.

That's all for now.
Wes

 

[Mr. Wes]

I hit the bar again last night and decided to practice some man-to- woman sexual vibe and add in a romantic vibe to get a style going for myself.
The hot milf bartender, Myrna has become somewhat of my "bar girlfriend"
While I still ignore Bella (and it's obvious that's she's pissed and jealous lol)
Every time I walk in, Myrna gives me a big hug (as she does with everybody)
But I decided to take her uninvested flirting to the next level.
I've gotten her to make me food, buy me a drink, stop working and dance with me or sit with me.
Then whenever I stand at the counter she comes over and clings onto me, holding my hand or feeling up my arm. She'll grab my biceps and squeeze or she'll feel my chest. We just stand there caressing each other while I look deeply in her eyes, occasionally tell her how beautiful she is and make her feel special. (All while not getting attached)
She asks me if I'm okay with her being 40 years old and I qualify her.
She keeps trying to find out how old I am and I deflect the question or say: I'm old enough to drink.
I'm a consenting adult
Old enough to rock your world
Stuff like that.

I'm trying to work on turning her on and making it last.
I've said some sexual things to her in her ear occasionally and she's visibly aroused and then she pulls away (anti slur defense) and gets in her head.
I'm really hoping she's not going to boyfriend zone me. She asked me if I wanted to take her back to my country so we. Like be together. I deflected the question and replied with some asshole humor.

I've tried to lead and pull a few times. I was getting the logistics. She lives close to the bar but can't bring me home with her because she has a daughter or her place is "too small" (Japanese houses man...neighbors can hear each other through the walls...maybe she was anticipating that she was a screamer...I should've picked up on this and said it )
She couldn't come back to where I stay so our last choice was this hotel across the street.

Yup one of those love hotels with the themed rooms. When I mentioned this to her she looked aroused and raised an eyebrow and gave me a really sexual look. She said not tonight though and another time. I didn't think anything of her rejection and respected it because I'm very outcome independent with her.
I really enjoy spending time with her and being in the present moment with only her and blocking out the world around me.
I tell her stuff like this to create a romantic vibe and set me apart from other guys who do t know how to talk to her.
At some point, I need to seriously close or attraction will inevitably fade and she might auto reject.
I can't expect our "bar romance" to go on forever.
I'm hoping she's not just stringing me along even though I feel like I've got the best connection and vibe with her than any other guy that comes in the bar.

In order for her to go home with me, there has to be no more people coming in the bar so she can close down. Problem is, everybody leaves at the same time I have to because we all have a curfew.
I could stay out past curfew and come back on "campus" the next morning...but I need her to not fuck things up and give me bullshit LMR or objections and shit. if I stay out because of her, and for any reason something goes wrong, I won't have anywhere to stay or sleep.

I'll just see what happens and not be outcome dependent.

I've started to game for my own enjoyment now instead of doing it for an ego boost or to show off to other guys or girls that I can "get girls". Now that I'm not showing off (flash game), I'm more in the moment
with whatever girl I'm talking with and I can tell that they feel it. They like to feel like they're the only girl in my world and it makes them feel special. (This only works if you come off as a preselected guy who can get any girl you want. If you're an inexperienced guy then you'll appear like a childish attached boy clinging.)
I also do t care what anybody's opinion of my choices of girls are now. Before, I used to talk to hot girls to show off that I can talk to hot girls. Now, I see all girls as people, not just trophies...and I see if I can vibe with whoever attracts me and is good looking enough.
The moment she drops the ball or shows a kink or does something unsexy that doesn't contribute to us getting together, I lose interest.

Some guys would think that Myrna is too old and think it's weird. I don't fuckin care. A woman is a woman...her age doesn't change the fact that she's got a bangin body.
Some guys would think awkward white girl is too weird and awkward...I don' t care as long as we're vibing, I can put her imperfections aside. It's about our connection.

(Although, yesterday when playing pool and having a really sexual vibe, she dropped the ball and got awkward at a time that would've been perfect for us to kiss. I think I'm losing interest in her. Now I know how girls feel when I drop the ball on good moments and ruin shit)

That's all for now. If there are any usual typos or weird sentences like usual, it's because I'm on my phone.
Autocorrect sucks. Touch screens suck.
Wes

 

[Mr. Wes]

Thoughts

I went back out to the bar last night to try and close with Myrna. I don't know if it was such a good idea. I spent a bit of money going to Shibuya(which I'll get into later) and no money to buy her shots.
She was getting disappointed that I wouldn't get her drunk.

So I come I to the bar and she is Latin dancing to Spanish music with this guy. I'm not really threatened at all even though he has good fundamentals and can dance really well. She's having a lot of fun. When I walked in she called out to me: Hey Babyyy!
There's also the old faces of the bar and a couple new faces as well.
One of my buddies is sitting on a couch talking to this Filipina chick with huge tits. I go and sit next to them and chat with them.
After Myrna finishes dancing, she comes over to me and grabs my hand: hey baby, you want a drink, baby...let's get you some tequila baby.
Me: not yet. (I stay seated) sit with me baby.
She pulls away and runs off. I chat with my bud and his girl and then Myrna comes back.
Her: baby, come buy a shot for me and you baby.
Me: lol why are you always trying to get me drunk? Trying to take advantage of me
She leans in and kisses me. I pull her in and sit her down so somewhat.
I tell her how sexy she looks in her mini dress tonight and say: do you have any idea what I want to do to you? (Whispered in her ear, of course)
She raises an eyebrow. I proceed to whisper all these sexual things and how I want to fuck her.
She smiles, grabs my face and we kiss. (We never make out for some reason, she won't let me. She always pulls away so I think she may be in control of the whole kissing thing. Btw, I'm not that experienced with kissing. The last girl I made out with said I was not bad but not amazing...and I don't think we can call what happened a "make out". It was nothing like how I see other people make out...anyway...)
We're staring into each other's eyes and shit and she asks me to come take a shot again.
Me: in a minute...I just want to spend time with you.
After a bit of silence from my end after attempts to talk about anything and her chatting back n forth between my bud and his girl, she grabbed my hand and lead me to the bar to get some shots. But she made me buy shots for her and Bella (the shemale) in my head, I'm like wtf. Bella seems to be butt hurt on how I act with Myrna and has been giving me stank looks and rolling her eyes for the past couple times ice gone in the bar.
I tell Myrna that if I'm buying a shot for Bella, she (Myrna) needs to buy me a shot. She complies and tells Bella something in Tagalog and Bella gets another shot glass. We take shots and then Myrna is all over me. Feeling my arms, rubbing my chest. I'm caressing her waist and ass and legs as we stand at the counter.
At some point I'm behind her with her ass against my crotch as she plays with her phone and rhythmically pushes her ass into me, I flow with it and push back and we kinda do this back n forth dance while standing up. We got really into it.
I feel up her ass again and she slaps my hand away and whispers in my ear: baby stop, I'm not wearing panties. She lifts up her dress and shows me that she's completely naked under it.
Now, here's where I think things started to go downhill...
She kept trying to get me to buy more shots, which I deflected multiple times and only bought when I wanted to ;without her asking)
I direct whispered to her about us leaving to get a hotel across the street. I told her about how if I stay out past curfew, no bullshit, I have to stay in a hotel and I wanted her to come with me. She agreed and said: but we're just sleeping. Nothing more. (Oh women and their anti slut defenses)
Me: yea, nothing more...we're just going to sleep
Her: okay baby.

We sit on the couch and take a few pictures together and then because of my silence she seems to get bored. (I e been silent and not in a social mood all night) she sings a karaoke song at one point while sitting on my lap and then I lose her.
She can't even keep an attention span longer a minute. Every time it try to talk to her, she gets distracted by other shit going on. She comes over and apologizes and trying to kiss me and I just stare at her.
I stick around for a little longer to wait for her to come back.
Then one of the nerdy black guys comes in and she greets him, hugs him and asks him to buys drinks and the whole Shabang that she she seems to do with frequents. He's actually buying shots for a lot of the women and they're all cheering "shots!" In Tagalog. she ends up getting drinker than I've ever seen her. She's stumbling around and getting really giggly with me. ( I think she was also talking shit in Tagalog cuz she pointed at me and all the women started laughing)

She comes over to me with a pineapple in between her lips and wants me to kiss her. We start going at it and I pull the pineapple out and eat it. (Idk if that was what I was supposed to do) Bella started yelling: ohhh ohhhh ohhh
And I was confused about this whole situation and what was going on. They're all speaking in Tagalog and laughing. Then Bella and Myrna leave and go to the bar downstairs.

I stick around a little bit to see if Myrna will come back but then I decide to head out and go home. Curfew was getting closer and I didn't feel any closer to pulling her with me.
I'm not butthurt or anything. I've learned not to get attached (which I'll admit, I'm a little attached to completely this pull but not attached to her as a person. I can drop her so fast. It's just kinda hard to let go of that fact that I feel like I almost have her) I just need to learn to lead better. This whole bar game is revealing a lot to me in terms of keeping the flame hot in nightgame settings. There's been many times where the time was right but I didn't act dominantly enough.
Any thoughts on what I can do? (If anybody is reading this)

Shibuya

Earlier that night, me and my room mate went to Shibuya for the second time and I finally got to explore a little bit.
I found the Gaspanic club that Ray was talking about and I found all these landmarks from this video game that's based in Shibuya.
We ate at a Mexican restaurant which had a lot of English speaking workers and we chatted with them.
Shibuya was my kind of place...there were cute girls everywhere and It seemed like the perfect place to day game, nightgame, streetgame...whatever.
My room mate told me that if I approached girls he wasn't going to wait for me because I take too long so that just means I'll have to come back without him. Shibuya is crowded and he says that crowds like that makes him uncomfortable and he feels anxious when there's many people around.
I'm the same way sometimes but when it's a setting like Shibuya, the energy seems to bring up my state. It's so lively and fun and people are talking and laughing and it doesn't seem depressing and quiet like other parts of japan.
I feel like Shibuya is one big party in the streets

Anyway, we head back home and that's when I went to the bar.
I'll have to head back to shibuya on my own time.
That's all for now
Wes.

 

[Mr. Wes]

Thoughts and a little something I did for fun.

I'll start with the fun part.
Okay, so one of my favorite rappers is this guy named Childish Gambino. (Aka Donald Glover or Troy from the show "community") Not just because he has sick rhymes but also because I relate to him in a way. I feel like our personalities are very similar.
So he came out with this song called "sober" on an EP he released last year and now he recent released a music video for it.
In the video he's in this empty diner where it's just him and this girl sitting at another table texting...and he's apparently HIGH AS HELL...he stumbles over to her and starts doing this whole nonverbal communication to the girl that's following along with the music. She is creeped out and walks away to sit at another table.
He isn't affected by it and just starts dancing and sits over by her.
Then he makes a dove come out of his shirt, jumps on top of the table and starts doing these really good dance moves.
Hops down and starts playing air guitar and air piano and the girl is LOVING it. Then she starts dancing with him and walks away to leave the diner.
I thought the video was pretty cool so I approached this girl in the lounge like this and blasted the song on my phone, stumbled over to her sitting down on a couch texting and started going along with the song like the video.
She was confused at first and kept saying: what?
Then she started laughing and enjoying it.
Then the dancing part came and started breaking it down. Threw off my leather jacket and made my body become water and did footwork. She was mesmerized.
After the song ended I walked away and then came back to talk to her.
She was smiling and we talked for a bit and I introduced myself and found out she's from the same city in Florida that I'm from. talked a bit more and then I left.
No number close. I wasn't really into her.
So why did I do this? Well why not?
I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and try something new and I did.
Doing that shit was nerve racking and afterwards, I felt myself in state.

That's all it takes to get into state for me. Just get out of my head or comfort zone and have a good time. Next thing I know, I'm social, a little calibrated, and giving everybody good emotions.
Basically being myself but being my best self.
I can't believe I did that. Lol

Now onto some thoughts I've been having recently.
So I recently introspected and compared my game to other guys (is it bad to do this because I find it helpful)
And I find that I am way too logical with girls and don't get them making emotional decisions enough.
I should be getting em complying with me because they feel good around me not because I've explained to them I. Great detail how great of an idea it is. WOMEN DONT WORK THAT WAY.
My view of girls have changed over the past year. I see them as childlike sometimes who are in need of attention and stimulation. (Mental or physical) that's why we're all in our phones or social media etc.
They get bored really quickly and make their decisions on who will be their boyfriend or lover based off of how that man makes them feel.
I used to care about providing good feelings a lot, as evidenced by my early game when first joining. I'd try to always come up with a new and fascinating way of opening girls to get them hooked and flirting with me.
Back then I was getting guys bashing me over the head on the boards for being too "fun" and playful to avoid being seen as a clown.
That's true and I've slowed down with being so fun and tried a more chill approach sometimes but I seemed to have lost my fun vibe and provide lite good feelings. Good game is like a balance of everything and the calibration to know how, when, and where to use it.
I am unbalanced.
I need to find myself a style.
I find myself getting inspired here and there by different guys on the boards and after reading articles (which is fine and all) but take that away and what value do I bring?
I'm not trying to be depressing or wallowing in self pity...
I just need to learn how to bring value from within. (Time to look up some RSD videos...not)

 

[Mr. Wes]

I'm beating myself up over this

I hate, hate, hate when I get IOIs from girls and I can't approach them.

So here's what happened:
I wanted to go out alone today to Ebina city. I was staying in my room until my phone finished charging when my roomate and another guy convinced me that I should go to Enoshima beach with them. (Which I do t regret, the place was beautiful)
I give in and go with them but under this condition: if I see a girl giving me clear signs of interest, they can't give me shit about talking to her.

They said fine and we went out.
Missed two approaches at the train station due to approach anxiety. They didn't show interest and kept to themselves but they were super hot and I hate myself for at least not TRYING to talk to them.
So I beat myself up over that on the ride to the beach and then we get out to the boardwalk.
My friends were walking ahead of me so when I caught up I found my room mate at a surf shop speaking English with a Japanese girl who was speaking perfect English back.
I'm thinking : how the hell did that happen? How did he just meet her?
My room mate is a typical nice guy who probably friend zones himself because he thinks it'll get him a better chance of being in a relationship with a girl. He's mentioned before that he's not really looking for a girl at the moment but it's clear by how he reacts to my pua and explanations of thought processes that he doesn't agree with it.
He's not in the secret society.

So turns out he was probably asking for directions or something or she probably spoke to him first. The conversation, when I entered was pretty platonic. She kinda seemed into him but I wasn't sure.
She went back inside the surf shop to retrieve something and I told him that she probably likes him and he should get her number. He made excuses at first like: she's not cute enough and blah blah her boobs aren't big enough.

Then I gave him this inspiring speech and made him think of how dumb he sounded and left to go look in a tourist shop.
I come back out a few minutes later and him and the girl are out in front of all the stores in an open area and she has a skateboard with her. They're just talking.
I take a few pictures with my other friend then I enter their conversation. I ask if I can ride her skateboard and she gives it to me and I try to roll around on it but it keeps wobbling around cause the trucks aren't screwed in tight enough. I almost fall off of it and catch myself.
My room mate insults me or is probably sarcastic (I couldn't tell) and says that I suck at skateboarding (unaware that back home, this is my life). I suspect he's trying to AMOG me in front of her or something. Maybe he feels like I'm a threat. That's a big no no though. If you wanna do that then I'm going to go ahead and actually TRY to snatch her up...you won't out game me after all the experience I've gained. so I give her the skateboard and the energy isn't all there. I feel like he's struggling to find topics to talk with her about so I do my own digging. I start asking her questions that I'm curious about and I'm making her laugh and I tease her and she hits me playfully on the shoulder.
When I tell her my name and say hajime mashite, I take her hand and raise it over her head and spin her around. She is loving it. I feel her attraction for me and the vibe feels much like how I feel talking to beach sluts back at home. Ah home.

My roomate asks to ride to ride the skateboard to "show how it's done" or something and he falls right off of it and injures his hand. We didn't notice after a bit more conversation that he was bleeding. Not just a capillary bleed, he had a flap of skin hanging off.
She took him to the surf shop to rinse it off and got him a band aid and I left him to talk to her some more.
When I came back, it still didn't seem like he was leading the interaction anywhere so I went ahead and number closed and amped up her emotions some more.
This girl was really cool. She got to japan a month ago from Hawaii to visit her Japanese mother who she hasn't seen in 9 years. She's 29. She loves to surf and she was really cute and feminine. She kept touching my shoulder and I felt sexual tension with her.
After I number closed, my roommate number closed her as well and we framed everything as a group of friends that will hang out in the future sometime.

Afterwards my roommate expressed that I messed up him getting her number. Haha whatever.

then we walk around the beach a bit taking pictures of things and being typical tourists and getting stared at by locals. I greet passerbys with a konichiwa and get a few people to happily greet me back including a small group of school girls. They start giggling and talking in Japanese as they stare at me.

then we walk in a few shops on the board walk. Long story short, I missed so many opportunities making sure I kept up with my friends. It also pissed me off how all the hottest girls were locking hands with their boyfriends.

On our way back to the train station (but first we were going to eat) I approached a lady with tight jeans on and nice hips and one of the best asses I've ever seen on a Japanese girl. She was overall cute in the face and just perfect.
Me: sumimasen. (I get in front of her and point to her boots) boots suki desu.
Her: (smiling) ohh arigatoo (don't know what she said after in Japanese but I think she was telling me what brand they were or where she got them)
Me: Anata wa kirei desu.
Her: (blushing in embarrassment says something in Japanese along the lines of "no not me, I'm really not all that special")
Then she points in the direction of the train station and says she needs to go or she'll miss her train. (No verbals and body language)
I let her go because I couldn't form enough attraction or comfort to get a number.
This is usually how a lot of my very few interactions go. Do you see how I get frustrated.
They always try to leave after my compliment...so I'm thinking I shouldn't go direct but I also thinks that's a bad idea because they'll be like: what does this guy want?
It's like I'm back at my newbie stages with this language barrier.

Now here's the one I'm beating myself over.
While we were waiting to catch a bus to go home, this obvious gaijin loving girl kept making eye contact with me as she stood I a line to board the bus but was surrounded by old people. I didn't want to try and hit on her in front of all those eavesdropping people. (Pickup is looked down upon in japan and I want to be careful so I don't end up like another Julien from RSD)
Luckily we all get on the same bus bus she sits in a single seater. I'm crossing g my fingers that she gets off the same stops as us and it's looking like my wish might come true because we go through many stops and people are getting off one by one and it's starting to be just us left on the bus together. She keeps looking back at me.

Then she gathers her belongings and looks back again and prepares to get off the bus.
She gets off and looks back one last time as she exits.
I was so pissed...I told my friends that i wanted to get off with her and catch the next bus but they said it was a bad idea and they wanted to keep track of me. I just accepted that as an answer and now I'm left feeling like shit and like a scared loser for not taking this chance. GODDAMMIT...

I'm going to go back to my a. Of going out alone. I can approach whoever I want whenever I want and I'm so much better instead of being in groups.

That's all for now.
At least I got Mai's (the Hawaiian girl) number.
Wes

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey great work man, I think you got a lot out of this outing, I also suck at approaching when I'm with friends and suffer a lot from AA and not being able to capitalize on IOIs but hey, whatever, without studying PU you'd never even have been aware of the lost opportunities... I have a term for this feeling you're always gaming, the constant beating yourself up for not integrating approach into every aspect of your life: Approach addiction. You can give yourself a rest occasionally

TBH I had some doubts about your Filipino adventures cos I think they are/were gaming you, reminds me of these Polish chicks who would hang out in a bar I used to frequent in a small Polish town, I don't think they were hookers exactly but selective in who they spoke to, eyes on the prize definitely... you can reduce the risk of being gamed by being more of an asshole and flat out refusing attention, buying drinks etc. I'd have thought your being young and not that wealthy (by the sounds) would put you more into lover category but perhaps to a Filipino of a certain class all Westerners are providers?

As to the "kirei desu" interaction I think you're golden and this is on the right track and what you have to practice more. I was reminded of a PUA video I watched very early in my journey to get an idea of what cold approach looked like (this is why I'm commandeering your journal yet again, wanted to share this w u), dude is in Spain and doesn't speak good Spanish but early in the approach she's looking apprehensive and he says "(English) I have to say this (Spanish) I am not robber!" and she laughs and it breaks the tension. You could try:
Matte! Kowakunai yo! -- Wait! I'm not scary!
Yamete! (or, yamero! a firm order to stop -- not a request) Hazukashikunai de! -- Stop! Don't be embarrassed!
Shinpai suru? Dorobou janai yo! -- You're worried? I'm not a robber!

As always I've put my examples in casual speech... I'll now tell you a bit about "da" which is like casual "desu" but not quite
Anata wa kirei desu -- Anata wa kirei
Anata wa kirei desu yo -- Anata wa kirei da yo
Anata wa kirei desu ne -- Anata wa kirei da ne
Anata wa kirei desu ka? -- Anata wa kirei?
So basically it's a very definite statement and thus is never used for questions. If you use it for statements it's kind of like shouting, except when softened by "yo" or "ne" which makes it casual and okay. Weird huh.

Another difference concerns so-called i-adjectives like kawaii (but confusingly kirei isn't an i-adjective although it ends in i, it's actually a na-adjective which can be seen by the fact that it's kanji and doesn't end with hiragana い). i-adjectives have a built in "to be" thus kawaii means "to be cute". In such cases "desu" doesn't add "to be", the difference between "kawaii" and "kawaii desu" is purely in the level of politeness. Hence "kawaii da" or anything similar is totally incorrect (da is redundant).

Now that you know how to use "da" instead of "desu" and how to say adjectives in casual form I'll briefly discuss verbs.

You're no doubt familiar with stuff like "Nihon ni ikimasu" -- to go to Japan. Anything "-masu" is a polite verb and it's nearly always "-imasu", occasionally "-emasu" e.g. "machigaemasu" -- to make a mistake. Anyway these come from the root words "iku" and "machigaeru" which are the dictionary / casual forms.

So basically you just say and learn the dictionary form if you want to be casual, it always ends in "-u", frequently "-ru" and if its the second type (like "machigaeru") then it ends in "-iru" or "-eru". Okay now you have the overview of what to expect from the dictionary form of a verb I'll tell you how to make the 4 different conjugations for example for "iku" (to go) they'd be "I go / I don't go / I went / I didn't go".

These are very easy in polite speech cos you just take the stem (change -u to -i, or for the second type like "machigaeru" just drop -ru leaving a stem that ends in -i or -e) and add "-masu / -masen / -mashita / -masen deshita" respectively.

But for the casual equivalent there's a small table to learn. But the good thing is once you have this memorized, that's it!! There's no other complicated tables to learn, unlike European languages! See Tae Kim's guide to Japanese on the web for this insight and more detail, that's where I learned all this. Anyway, here is the table for past tense
-ku becomes -ita (naku / naita, cry / cried)... unfortunately iku is an exception I just realized, so was prob a bad example for me to have used above
-su becomes -shita (hanasu / hanashita, converse / conversed)... except if it's "-tsu" which isn't really an exception but reflects the limitations of romaji vs native hiragana
-mu, -bu become -nda (nomu / nonda, drink / drank)
-ru, -tsu, -u become -tta (matsu / matta, wait / waited)... except if it's the second type like "machigaeru" where -ru becomes -ta.
There's probably more endings I forgot but anyway I'm just trying to give you an overview of what to expect with casual speech cos I know if I just post a link to Tae Kim you'll prob never get around to reading it, hopefully this will spark your curiosity.

To make "not" form replace "-u" with "-anai" (iku / ikanai, go / not go" or if it's a real "-u" word that doesn't fit the categories above (-ku, -su, -mu, -bu etc) then "-wanai", this makes it easier to pronounce (omou / omowanai, think / not think). "-tsu" becomes "-tanai" (matsu / matanai, wait / not wait) which is again not an exception and quite logical in hiragana. (If it's the second type like "machigaeru" then just change "-ru" to "-nai").

Finally "didn't" form is "not" form with "-i" of "-nai" changed to "-katta" (omowanai / omowanakatta, not think / didn't think).

For i-adjectives it's much the same system but much simpler, optionally change "-i" to "-kunai" for "not" form (kawaii / kawaikunai, be cute / not be cute) and then optionally change "-i" to "-katta" for "did" or "didn't" form (kawaikatta / kawaikunakatta, was cute / wasn't cute). Ta da now u know casual speech, it's much easier and better when u know how.

-Ray

PS An interesting thing that happens is two completely different verbs can have the same dictionary form e.g. kaeru "return home" is first type (a regular -u verb where -u becomes -imasu, -tta, -anai, etc) whereas kaeru "change something" is second type (a -iru/-eru verb where -ru becomes -masu, -ta, -nai etc). I deal with this by learning the -masu form as well as the dictionary form, this is also a good way to ask JP people which kind of verb something is, since they don't understand the grammar of their own language and have no idea.

 

[snipefield]

Hey Wes,

Interesting outing with your friends. Good job on the interaction with Mai! I've always wanted to meet a Japanese surfer chick like her.

As for your roommates, you already know this, but I'll re-iterate: not a good influence.

Now, regarding AA around Japanese people. Approaching Japanese girls in public is not akin to Julien "choking" girls in clubs. Yes, people will look at you at first, but so what?! Nobody's gonna call the immigration police (I don't think that shit even exists in JP) and boot you out for talking to a chick.

You have two strategies for approaching in Japan. The first one is basically the game this guy runs in the video I think Ray was referring to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8TTWSFfqlU

You basically only have to know some Japanese phrases to do this kind of pick-up. A lot of Japanese girls will prob find this charming and it definitely puts you in the lover category. "Ah, this guy doesn't know the language, he's a foreigner, he makes me feel adventurous, yeah, I'll bang him".

The other strategy would be to quit hanging with your roommates altogether, start to seriously study Japanese and hang with cool Japanese people. I lived in a small town in Japan and I found it easier to make true friends than in other places. For example, join a local soccer league. Guys there are chill, fun and you may even meet a natural or two.

The thing with devoting time to studying Japanese is that I've found that it's not a useful language. It's prob. different for Ray cuz he's in Aus where there are many more Japanese people. In the States, though, Japanese people are relatively rare and it's hard to actually use the language on a daily basis. With Japan not being the Japan of 25 years ago, there are few opportunities to use Japanese in professional settings, as well.

But if you hang with Japanese people, you'll adopt all the phrases and natural ways of speaking passively, which is the best way to learn. With that, Japanese people (everyone) will be impressed, which may or may not be a good thing for pickup, but you'll get to enjoy the country more because you'll be able to interact with more people..... The experience of Japan for someone who knows Japanese and s-one who doesn't are vastly different.

 

[ray_zorse]

+1 to that... it was indeed that vid. Took me back I like Sasha's style although I now realize his body language and phraseology is quite humble, his strategy must be one of coming in under the radar, quite useful for JP I would think. Yes it was in South America not Spain. And I'm not sure if she actually does laugh at the robber line but she is clearly happy he's making an effort in Spanish. His sexy secretary frame is OTT but awesome. And of course watching it now with a little experience as soon as she said flight attendant my brain instantly began to search for sexual responses. His was a little weak but he's clearly on the same page as what's taught here. Thanks for the link.
-Ray

 

[Mr. Wes]

@Ray
@snipefield

Thanks for the feedback! And thanks for the explanation of casual Japanese. I'm actually really curious about that link. All I have is my roommates "Japanese for dummies" book and that only takes me so far. Plus recently, I'm not having much free time except on weekends.
your explanations were helpful although I felt a little lost at parts, maybe because I'm not to that level yet.
What I do know so far is that Japanese like to cut their language short any chance they can instead of saying full on sentences. So they have many ways of saying the same thing depending on who they're talking to.

I just learned that the way they form sentences is: Subject/about subject, info about subject, verb at the end.
And I think that sentence structure isn't too difficult and I can pick it up really easily.
i have experience learning Japanese from watching Anime when I was younger.
I also had this Nintendo Ds game that was teaching g me Japanese in a fun puzzle and game type of way.
I learned the days of the week, the months, colors, numbers, all that pre school stuff and then it got to this level where it was teaching hiragana and katakana. That was a nightmare. The game would quickly show a stroke order and I'd have to repeat it PERFECTLY. It kept telling me I was incorrect no matter what I did so I got frustrated and quit playing it.

That was a great video. I don't usually like Sashadaygame cause I think he's too much of a clown but I see what you mean.
@ray you seem to be a really good teacher.

As for going out alone, I'm likely to do that once I get paid again.
Here's my little secret (since I'm tired of repeating it and sending private pms to people)
I work for the military doing healthcare work. That's how I was able to get to Japan. I was poor, yes. And I always wanted to travel around the world. I like to think of myself as a unique sheep in the flock who will do whatever it takes to achieve a goal of mine. I didn't want to be stuck at home forever, struggling and trying to master pickup so I did what I never though I would do, I joined the military. I'm going to be stationed here for 2 years, maybe 3 if I extend.and time is sure flying by fast.

So with my situation, I don't want to make that an excuse for not getting girls here. It can be kinda stressful when I have my weekday job, and superiors telling me to stay focuses on what my career goals are. (They say it's okay to want to hit on the girls but I have to make sure I don't waste my time here doing just that and not showing any progress in my professional life)
I'm not sure if I want to stay in medical service because I've always thought of myself as an artist.
I'm smart enough for medical service and I can do it all if I put my mind to it but it's all something I'm going to eventually have to work out. I want to get back into college (which I can do online here) and at least finish getting my associates degree.
My only focus these days is getting laid/losing my virginity. That's all I think about. Pickup, pua, approaching, girls, sex, thought processes and mindsets. I do feel addicted.
I'm thinking it would just be easier to go get a "massage" and be done with it. Lol
But apparently that's illegal.

For those who don't understand this lifestyle: we have curfews, we have to go out with a buddy, we really don't get paid THAT much, and we're working all the time.
Sometimes I regret my decision but then I think of all the things I've gotten to do and what I've accomplished and it doesn't seem so bad.
I just have to overcome stress.

That's all for now. Today is my friends birthday. I'm contemplating going out to Ebina city alone or spending the day with him.
They all celebrated my birthday with me a couple weeks back so it'd be messed up If I don't return the favor

I'm now 22 btw. This year is going to be amazing!
Wes

 

[Mr.Rob]

Yo Wes you have an suburb attitude for your situation right now. You could easily be some bitter butt-hurt virgin complaining but you chose a strong frame to come from. One that I believe if you continue to cultivate will probably actually help you get laid when the time comes.

You've made tremendous progress since the beginning of your journey.

Yeah that's a tough situation you have as far as allocating time and what not to go do PU but I think you'll be resourceful enough and figure out a way.

Keep up the reports

BTW this is funny :0

My roomate asks to ride to ride the skateboard to "show how it's done" or something and he falls right off of it and injures his hand. We didn't notice after a bit more conversation that he was bleeding. Not just a capillary bleed, he had a flap of skin hanging off.

Yeah regarding the whole beating yourself up for not approaching thing friends can be a double edged sword.

On one hand if you have the right friends that are fun and cool and you have no problem embarrassing yourself in front of it's not that big of a deal, however if they aren't it's easy to get sucked into being comfortable with the group and conforming to their norm (norm being not approaching girls).

The real hurdle when out alone is just approach anxiety and forcing yourself to suck it up and jump in the water.

I've been experimenting here and there with cold showers and it's really a good analogy for approach anxiety as both give a similar feeling.

After doing either activity (cold shower or approach a girl) you feel better afterwards even if it didn't go super well in the actual activity. You make up all these bull shit excuses as to having to "be properly prepared first" before going in.
It's never THAT bad once you jump in, you just deal with whatever happens in the moment and it's not bad at all.

Peace

-Rob

 

[ray_zorse]

Mate you're onto page 2 of your journal, that's measurable progress! Hehehe

About the JP grammar... flattery will get you everywhere so I decided to briefly summarize about word order for you.

It's: subject "ga" direct object "o" indirect object "de" (by means of) or "to" (with) destination "ni" verb... but the phrases ending in a particle "ga", "o" etc, can go in any order cos they're marked by the particle.

The thing that we English speakers have trouble with is called the null pronoun. That means if subject, etc, is missing it's filled in sensibly by the listener with an appropriate pronoun. Thus:

tabeta -- he ate it, she ate it, she ate him, etc
Jon ga tabeta -- John ate it, John ate her, etc
ringo o tabeta -- he ate an apple, she ate an apple, it ate an apple, etc

The other thing that causes great confusion is "wa", this is never taught well, even by Tae Kim, and I didn't understand it until I read an interesting little pamphlet called "Making sense of Japanese". Basically "wa" has no grammatical function, it just means "About ...". The appearance that "wa" has a grammatical role is confusion caused by the insertion of the null pronoun. Examples:
Jon wa ringo o tabeta -- As for John, he ate an apple. NOT John ate an apple.
Jon ga ringo wa tabeta -- As for the apple, John ate it.

"wa" can be repeated in which case it gets more specific each time.
Kyou wa, asa wa, tabeta -- As for today, as for the morning, I ate.

About "wa" vs "ga" however, Tae Kim is correct in that the choice of "wa" plus null pronoun, or "ga" tends to direct the emphasis of the sentence to where you want, as in above examples. You can think about this more as you get better. There's also some common usage of "wa" + "ga" pairs which don't exactly conform to the above rules for example
Jon wa ringo ga aru -- John has an apple (not really "As for John, he has an apple"... although I suppose literally it means "As for John, an apple exists (in a place)"... weird huh!)

Some other notes:

"mo" is the same as "wa" but has the connotation "also".
Jon mo ringo o tabeta -- As for Jon also, he ate an apple.

(But look out because "mo" has another usage which is "even" thus "tsukatte mo ii?" -- "Even if I use it, is it okay?" which is the normal way of asking for something. Also "de" has another usage which is "to be, and" thus "kirei de, takai" -- "you are beautiful, and tall")

Keep approaching!! Kill it brother! We're all rooting for u

-Ray

 

[Mr. Wes]

@Rob
@Ray

Thanks for the kind words guys!
Hey Ray, would you mind posting an example conversation of some small talk in Japanese?
The book that I read from does that and it really helps me visualize conversing in real life.
Also, I had another journal a year and a half ago that also got to two pages: viewtopic.php?t=2937
if you want to see how far I've really come, look there
There's a lot of really interesting stories and lessons from those days.
I made a new journal because I felt like I was becoming a new person and erasing the past.

Before I left, I was making a shit ton of progress.
And when I went back home for a week, I felt like a god on another level when talking to girls.
It's always good to get new experiences and reference points and become a well rounded, well traveled person.
The common female in her small town life won't stand a chance.

I know that if I practice in Las Vegas or California and actually become GOOD there, when I go to less difficult places, panties will melt off like butter.

Yeaaa, I'm thinking maybe I shod go to Ebina.

Peace

 

[Mr. Wes]

today

So my friend wasn't having his birthday celebration til this afternoon so I used my free time to go out into town and approach girls.
I started off by greeting everyone I passed by on the street with the appropriate greeting: ohayo gozaimasu and then konichiwa
People were happy to greet me back but the closer I got to civilization the more I kept getting ignored. I eventually stopped. First girl I approached was a school girl who looked darker skinned. I think she was part Indian and Japanese. She had long flowing hair draped over the front of her left shoulder and the ends of her hair were dyed blonde.
She wore a super short skirt revealing those oh so nice legs. She had earbuds in.
I stopped her with "sumimasen"
She took the earbuds out after freaking out a little by me suddenly stopping her.
Me: don't be scared! Do you speak English?
Her: (in Japanese) no (and tries to continue walking)
I stop her with another question:
Me: I....(points to myself) think....you (points to her)....are....really...pretty...
Her: looking confused
Me: Anata wa kirei desu.
Her: says something in Japanese really fast.
Me: yukkuri hanashite onegaishimasu
Her: repeats herself slowly, the only word I "thought" I heard was "Chikan" which I believe means pervert or train groper or sexual harasser.
Me: no, no, no...me no Chikan.
Her: looking confused.
Me: Anata wa Indian?
Her: shakes her head no.
Me: Anata wa nihonjin desu ka?
Her: nods
Her: in Japanese trying to tell me she has to go.
Me: nani? I don't understand
Her: in English: school, I have school. Bye.
And I let her go.

Next one was in the train station texting on her phone and leaning up against a column. This was the longest interaction that I had today, actually the last good one.
I approached her sumimasen
Me: (points to her boots) boots suki desu
Her: confused.
Me: (points to them) sugoii.
Her: smiling. Arigato
I then have a pretty good interaction with her trying to speak English a little and me trying to speak Japanese. We struggle but we're able to communicate a little.
From what I learned, she was waiting for a girl friend of hers
She works at a general store
She's not a student in college or in high school

She kept saying sorry to me about her English being bad and I was just saying daijoubu.
I forgot how to ask what her hobbies were so I kept asking in English and she didn't understand.
Eventually her friend came and she said sorry one last time and the two of them left.
Her friend came in like she was saving her or something. Snatched her up right away instead of joining the conversation.
She seemed like she was enjoying talking to me.

I liked how my opener for complimenting fashion or a clothing item was going so I decided to try it out some more.
I saw another girl on the street. I tried to do the same "boots suki desu" thing but she just looked confused and irritated and rushed away from me. I laughed it off but wondered: could I be saying something that actually makes no sense?

I need to learn how to give compliments on various things, not just saying you're pretty or you're cute.
Things like: I like your fashion.
I like your style. You're very unique. (This'll be especially great in shibuya...people there dress like freaking urban outfitters and hipsters and shit.
Words for: hat
Jacket/coat
Boots/shoes
Hairstyle

I also need to be able to go into further depth with it with things like:
It brings out your eyes
It makes look taller
It really displays your personality
Stuff like that.

Plus I want to be able to cold read in Japanese like:
You seem like the type to love fashion
You look like you love adventure
I can tell you are very intelligent

Stuff like that.
Now my plan for learning how to form sentences and have conversations and understand more is to basically teach myself like how I remember first learning English.
In school, I remember reading easy little children's books. Stuff that was like:
Stuart is a mouse (turn page)
Stuart is small (turn page)
Mice are small (turn page)
You get the idea.
I need to start with basic preschool type sentences. Making statements or describing things.
I need to learn a few common adjectives. A few common verbs. Maybe some adverbs.
Then I could possibly move on to making things past or future tense and other more complicated parts of the language.
But first, I want to at least be able to converse, even if I sound like a 3 year old. At least I can build from there.

So I approached a couple more after that with the same "piece of clothing suki desu"
And got confused looks so I just figured maybe I was saying something weird and not what I thought I was saying. I events went home and on the way home approached one last girl.
I say sumimasen. She stares straight ahead and ignores me and keeps walking. I walk with her still saying sumimasen trying to get her to stop. I forgot how to command people to stop.
Then I say: eigo wakarimasen
Ignored
Eigo wakarimasen
Ignored and she walks into a store.

I felt like a loser. I haven't had that happen to me since I was a newbie. That sucked.
But I got over it and figured, there's girls like that anywhere not just Japan. Don't give up yet.
Some days I'll have girls who'll give me undivided attention, sometimes they're ignore me or run away in shyness or make an excuse.
It's like that back at home as well. Just gotta keep going til you find those right ones and then learn how to escalate from there. That's all that matters.
Of the ones that I've gotten THAT far with, I haven't figured out how to get them to move with me. I want to do that to test their interest in me but I think it's too much compliance for them. They'll give me high fives or fist bumps but they usually make excuses not to go with me somewhere.
I need to learn how to say a simple phrase like : let's find a bench to sit on.
Let's go for a walk and talk. Let's get to know each other. You ask me questions in English and I ask you questions in nihongo.

I also need to find time to go to the Japanese lessons that are being offered here.
That's all for now
Peace
Wes

 

[ray_zorse]

Good outing. Sounds to me like this is the way to level up. You're already getting an idea of the things you need to know and what works / doesn't work. I agree with Snipefield's comments about the 2 ways of approaching this, except to say that JP is a pretty insular country and it can be difficult to find people who speak English, depending on where you happen to be, their age group etc... also getting them to open up and actually use English might take more effort on your part than just a few canned phrases, whereas in some European countries they'd probably be less shy about using what they've learned since their grammar is more similar to English, they use same letters etc, everything's much more familiar, easier for them.

I like your shoes -- Bu-tsu ga suki (bu-tsu means hold the first u for an extra beat like buutsu).

With a bit of practice you can "Japanese-ize" any word... for example... Timbuktoo... Timubakutu-. Wesley... Wezuri-. Replace each vowel by the closest Japanese vowel. Then insert "u" after any consonant that isn't already followed by a vowel, except if the consonant is "d" or "t" where you use "o", and except "ts" which is legitimate in JP. You then double some vowels depending on where the emphasis lies in the English pronunciation. And this is where "bu-tsu" comes from.

I'd probably say "kutsu ga suki" however, because kutsu is a native Japanese word that means any footwear. And remember the grammar... "kutsu(shoes) ga(direct object) suki(desirable) da(is)", but as I mentioned the "da" is left off because that would be kind of like shouting. Note "suki" is often used in a "wa" + "ga" pair. "I like your shoes" is literally: Ore wa kutsu ga suki da -- As for me, the shoes are desirable.

A better way to say this: Suteki na kutsu o haiteru. This breaks down as follows: Suteki(nice/cute) na(is) kutsu(shoes) makes the phrase "Shoes that are nice/cute"... this phrase is the direct object of the sentence and marked by "o". Then "haiteru"... is a little complicated. It comes from the verb "haku" to pull on. And remember the past tense is formed by changing -ku to -ita... So haita... but if we also change the last -a to -e then we get what's called the "te-form" of the verb which is basically used when the sentence isn't quite finished, it's like putting "and"... and given "iru" means to exist in a place... "haite iru" means "to pull on and exist"... or to be in a state of having pulled something on. Weird huh! Shorten "haite iru" to "haiteru" and you get: You're in a state of having pulled on some shoes that are nice/cute. This is a very useful pattern and I would say the normal way of giving a compliment... Some examples:
Suteki na wanpi-su o kiteru -- You're in a state of having put on a nice one-piece dress (on your upper body)
Suteki na pantsu o haiteru -- You're in a state of having pulled on some nice pants
Suteki na pia-su o shiteru -- You're in a state of having "done" (this word is used for accessorizing) some nice earrings (pia-su=pierce)
Suteki na beruto o shiteru -- You're in a state of having done a nice belt
Suteki na boushi o kabuteru -- You're in a state of having put on a nice hat (on your head)
Suteki na megane o kaketeru -- You're in a state of having hung some nice spectacles
Suteki na sangurasu o kaketeru -- You're in a state of having hung some nice sunglasses
et cetera... I had to look up a few words here, I recommend this page: http://maggiesensei.com/2010/09/15/着るkiru-how-to-say-wear-or-put-on-in-japanese/

I also need to be able to go into further depth with it with things like:
It brings out your eyes
It makes look taller
It really displays your personality
Stuff like that.

I'm not really sure, you could say "...-tara takasou ni naru"... e.g. "sono kutsu o haitara takasou ni naru" -- "if you put on (haku) these(sono) shoes(kutsu) you become(naru) tall(taka) looking(sou)" but this sounds pretty awkward to me. Keep it simple bro. A lot of these kinds of compliments are basically smalltalk or polite crap that doesn't mean much but works in English because we are used to it. In Japanese they obviously have equivalent smalltalk but I don't know what it is.

The other stuff is a fair bit easier.
You seem like the type to love fashion -- fasshon ga suki deshou "I think you will/would love fashion"... deshou is used to describe what you think will happen (invariably in weather reports for instance)... and things you expect to be told/find. It's interesting because it's polite speech you can sprinkle into your casual speech to add a bit of pizzazz without being overly formal. Casual equivalent is "darou" but this sounds very rough and harsh and is never used.
You look like you love adventure -- adobencha ga suki deshou "I think you will/would love adventure"...

"Type of" is "fuu"... for example "O-sutoraria fuu na eigo" -- Australian type of English... but I don't know how to build this into "you're the type of person who ...", that's beyond my Japanese capabilities I'm afraid.

"Style" is "stairu"... anata no stairu ga suki... "I like your style" although I guess if you know her name, use that... "Ryo chan no stairu ga suki" -- "I like your style" when talking to Ryo chan.

I'll post a conversation later, TBH this is kinda difficult since most of my conversations are of the form "why did you move to Australia" etc... hehe... I'll think of some stuff that's appropriate to native JP in JP. In the meantime go do those Japanese lessons... and check out Maggie sensei and Tae kim's sites... and http://www.jisho.org (english to JP dictionary), I usually search in hiragana or kanji but I believe you can also do a romaji search if you want to. If you have this on your phone you can check words you need in between approaches, I tend to do this a lot, like in the supermarket before I approach the cashier with a question I'll quickly look up some vocabulary... get a smartphone if you don't have one yet.

-Ray

 

[Mr. Wes]

Thoughts on social dynamics

I haven't approached Japanese girls since the weekend but I've been observing my co workers all week and I'm questioning a lot of nuanced things to how they socialize with each other.

First off, I'm the new guy...coming into a "family" of already established friends/co-workers who already have their inside jokes and choice of how they're sarcastic with each other.
Sometimes they really confuse me. I'm not the best with sarcasm yet. And they've made fun of me about this.
Actually they make fun of me a lot. This is what I hate about coming into new social circles. I try to find my place and my strategy usually is to learn how they joke with each other and then just jump in with my humor and adjust it to how they joke. Some people find me cool off the bat, others seem like they're attacking me. And then a few others don't catch when I'm joking.

So anyway, these guys and girls are telling me that they can tell that I'm "soft" and they want to toughen me up.
This isn't the first time I've been told this by people, along with the wanting to toughen me up bit. And the way that people like this usually go about toughening me up is they do asshole like sarcasm and really attack my ego more times than not.
There was a guy in the medical school I just graduated from who did this but always had a devilish grin after his remarks so I caught on and acted like an asshole back. He gave me a pat on the back and congratulated me for catching on.
Now, I feel as if I'm losing it...or maybe I haven't fully understood it yet.
I feel as if everyone is in on some secret that I'm unaware of. And when you feel that way, it most likely means you need to get smarter and understand what you're missing.

Theses guys literally said I'm just like that guy from Guardians of the Galaxy who takes everything literally.
I didn't even know how to respond to that. Hell, I don't even know how to respond to most of these attacks on the way I do things/my ego. I kinda just awkwardly twitch trying to find how to respond and either drop it or say something stupid that I guess tools myself.
I am not even close to being socially calibrated yet. But the first step is recognizing that and knowing I want to get better.

I've had the recent events on my mind and this is what's been going on:
This girl that I work with who is also training me for the job is kinda cute and funny and uses a TON of sarcasm.
She's cool and quirky and gets along well with everyone including our superiors. I knew I was in danger of having a crush on her.
So as she trains me, she completely shifts and changes and does this concerned feminine voice and looks me deep in the eyes as if she really genuinely cares about my well-being. Unlike the other people who train me. They kinda just lazily show me a few things and ask if I have any questions.
I didn't know if it was because she wanted me to be good at the job or if she cared out me. I chose the latter which I found out that thinking that was arrogant.
So sometimes she'll switch into serious mode and then other times she'll get really sarcastic with me ( telling me to pull her pocket in a really serious tone) her switching is almost seamless and throws me off. I feel like I have to catch up to her all the time. And because of this lost of control and predictability with her, I'm in danger of "falling in love" or becoming "infatuated" which actually ruins seductions. YOU want to be the unpredictable one having HER on her toes...that, or you both have this mutual things going on.
So today she makes these comments:

Me: y'know...you confuse the hell out of me.
Her: don't try to figure me out

(A supervisor and her behind me while I'm on a computer)
Me: I feel like everyone is watching me.
Her: pshh, please...you are not THAT cool.

I ignored both of her statements mainly because I didn't know how to react. And I've done this a lot at opportunity ones where I was supposed to stand up for myself. Now I lost all respect. She mentions sometimes how I'm not as intimidating as I think I am or she'll tell me to use my "man voice".
I was frustrated a bit at first but now I think I'm starting to realize that all her statements and comments are all just a test. She's testing my strength. And sometimes I pass, sometimes I fail. But I know I've failed too much because I don't believe she's attracted to me any more, it's expired.

(Mostly due to me not moving forward when she was clearly attracted. after what happened at medical school, I've very hesitant on trying to hook up with who if work with or am close proximity/social circle with.
Not just that I'm not calibrated enough but also if it all goes south, I hate the awkwardness I feel after and it really interferes with my work environment.)

I think I'll go for girls I work with under these special conditions:

The chemistry is on, it'd be a shame if I didn't act. I'm talking like the girl obviously want my dick. Not just some small signs of interest.
They're open minded enough to have a friends with benefits type thing
They're discreet
And I'm in control of the whole thing, not them having me on my toes REACTING to every punch they throw. I throw the punches.


So to wrap this up, I know I'm soft...I've known it all my life. I couldn't handle some guys in 6th grade teasing me and I left the school because it felt like I was being bullied.

What I don't understand is exactly how to harden up...
All these peoples methods are to keep hitting me where it hurts, attacking my ego, making me mad or defensive.
How exactly does that make me less soft?
That just makes me annoyed and dislike people.
Is that the only way to do it?

If I can get past these obstacles, I'm prone to having better verbal interactions with the quick witted, fun exciting girls that I like so much.

That's all for now
Wes

 

[ray_zorse]

It's simply a matter of analyzing your interactions. So whatever the conversation was, write it down as good as you remember (if it was important) and then look for the places you were being defensive, accepted their frame, etc... and think what you could have said or done instead. Pretty soon it becomes automatic, believe me I know because I've been in the exact same situation you are, but I may be starting to level up and respond to tests a bit better... I find that when a conversation occurs which is similar to one that's been analyzed previously, time slows down a lot for me.

You gave two sample exchanges in which you brought up a problem that hadn't been a problem before and thereby tooled yourself, so that would be the first thing to take away from these exchanges, particularly if you're with someone who makes you nervous, to be careful what you introduce.

-Ray

 

[Mr. Wes]

Thanks Ray!

Today she teased me again and I froze up.
I was walking away from the gym while she was going to the gym and this is the exchange. Just happened fresh in my mind:

Me: you're not in Kansas anymore Dorothy, it's cold out here (she's from Kansas and she's not wearing enough clothes to keep her warm in this cold weather)
her: (forgot how she reacted to this but she switched to) you wanna come play volleyball with me?
Me: ummm...(thinking about it) nah I'll pass.
Her: I mean, you should do it to at least show you're good at SOME sport (she's seen me completely sucking at basketball last time she saw me play and she keeps teasing me about it. I've defended myself saying I'm not the sports kinda guy and left it at that but sometimes she still brings it up)
Me: (trying to figure out a comeback so taking a while to reply) yea...I can't think of a comeback.
Her: you make your people go like this (puts a hand to her face in embarrassment and shakes her head in disappointment. She's basically saying I'm a disappointment to all black people)
Me: (trying to think of a clever witty comeback) yea, I still can't think of a comeback
Her : lol (shaking her head and walks to the gym)

Idk why but the first comebacks I either think of is to defend myself with proving a person wrong verbally like: I can play basketball and here's the evidence.
But I have no evidence, I suck.
Or to make fun of myself and be like: yea you're right, I do suck but this is why and insert witty thing here.
But none of those seemed appropriate.
Now I could insult her back but I'm always afraid of being TOO mean (because I can be) and I don't want to hurt someone unintentionally where they start fighting back and REALLY hitting my ego.
Like I said, I'm still soft. I avoid confrontation.

I was thinking (after the exchange) of something like: you can talk about my basketball skills as soon as you learn how to <insert something Mexicans should be able to do here> (she's half Mexican, half white)
But I couldn't think of anything she sucked at because I don't really know her that well.

So that's that.
I'm usual better at this around people I'm not nervous around/people who are lower value than me.

A girl I work with who is low value tried to tool me today when I said TGIF
Me: TGIF!
Her: no...just no...
Me: (questioning look)
Her: my sister used to say that all the time
Me: ohhh, let the whole world stop saying a phrase because (her name) thinks it's over said. Psh bitch, I say what I want.

And she caved in to my frame.
Now why the hell can't i do that with everybody?

That's all for now
Wes

 

[Mr. Wes]

1) I got my first blowjob yesterday....
But not by any pick up or seduction techniques. That's all I have to say about that.
I learned that my body is more sensitive than I thought it was. If girls are way more sensitive down there, then I can imagine how they feel. When you physically escalate too fast, they're resistance (pushing your hand away) is involuntary.

2) these Japanese girls are beginning to lose their appeal. I feel like I was having rose colored glasses because of the excitement of being in a new country. Although there are attractive girls here, the language barrier is making them less attractive to me. I guess I like knowing what a girl is saying or thinking or moaning while we have sex. If I serious care about hooking up with jp girls then I need to seriously try to learn the language.
gaijin are too troublesome for Japanese to deal with, they'd just rather not waste their time.
This is why when you walk into certain places, the workers yell: JAPANESE ONLY. And point to the door and ask you to leave.
At first I thought it was messed up but then I put myself in their shoes.
Not many foreigners are in Japan. (I would get a percentage but I'm feeling lazy and drunk)
It's a small percentage compared to the many many Japanese that live here.
Of that small percentage, foreigners are either: military (who really don't care about learning the language since they're here temporarily. If they decide to stay, they make that invest)
Students (probably the only foreigners who speak Japanese if even a little)
Tourists from around the globe (also a small percent who speak Japanese. Usually the ones who've studied before hand and came to Japan because they've always wanted to come)
so a small minority of the already small minority of foreigners speak Japanese.
While the rest don't even bother to learn their language.
Japanese are willing to help you if you're lost or need help or in a service setting but when it comes to being friends or acquaintances or relationships, they'd rather not go through the trouble. (Although some love to hear a foreigner speaking English.)
I was asking this man how to get to a certain train station and he damn near had a stroke or a heart attack when he was trying to reply to me. I don't know what was wrong with him but if he was not mentally ill, his reaction was funny as hell and I was trying hard not to laugh at him.

That's all for now.
Wes

 

[Mr.Rob]

I got my first blowjob yesterday....But not by any pick up or seduction techniques. That's all I have to say about that.

Lol happy ending Wes?

I have 0 reference points for picking up Jp girls that don't speak English but I know for sure that its not impossible to pickup girls that don't speak English.

One experience in the past I had with a Brazilian girl who I approached and she liked me immediately but we couldn't communicate. What I did was just speak very convictedly as if she could understand me and then motion her to respond in her language. And we basically just pretended to have a conversation and understand each other even though we couldn't.

A lot of nonverbals and physicality and we literally talked for 15 minutes like this just having fun. But we both knew what was up. Then when I went to pull her and sort out logistics we sat down and got out the iPhone with the English/portugese translator and we figured out logistics.

Turned out logistics were horrible but nonetheless opened my eyes to the possibilities at play. Thing is no matter what language you speak you understand fun, sexuality, and non verbals. It's possible..

Keep us posted.

-Rob

 

[snipefield]

Wes,

This shit made me laugh:

I was asking this man how to get to a certain train station and he damn near had a stroke or a heart attack when he was trying to reply to me. I don't know what was wrong with him but if he was not mentally ill, his reaction was funny as hell and I was trying hard not to laugh at him.

I could visualize the guy's reaction so vividly! You're basically on-point with the Japanese and their No foreigners policy in some places. It's funny, because they sometimes do this because they feel like they won't be able to provide the high level of customer service that is expected (like at a restaurant where the whole menu is written up on the wall in kanji, including the prices, you've prob. seen em).

Anyways, you're in a bit of a tough spot. I've felt similar at times when I've lived over there. I do agree with Mr. Rob, though. It's just that in Japan, you feel like you're being scrutinized when you game since there are so few foreigners, as you said. But in truth, once you warm up with a couple of approaches, you'll probably get in the rhythm of it and not care as much.

Why don't you try going to your town square (or Shinjuku or Shibuya or wherever in Tokyo) and scope out a karaoke bar and ideally a love hotel that's nearby. Then just hit up random chicks and invite them for karaoke. Those places are decently good for at least moving the interaction forward, it's good plausible deniability, and the girls typically kind-of-know what might happen. If it goes swimmingly, you can then move to the love hotel..

You'll only need some key phrases to experiment with this one.