Surveying the Topography

[Conquistador]

I think I’m headed in a good direction, although it’s been slow going making progress. We’ll see how far I can turn this summer around…

Ok enough depressive realism. The fact is that despite all the difficulties, I’ve continued to grow a lot internally and my fundies have improved MASSIVELY (although I’ve somewhat neglected grooming due to not gaming).

So the odyssey continues.

I’m currently working through a lot of stuff that I think will really improve my game. Where do I even start?

I’ve completely disassembled my process and have been learning a lot.

Despite all the flaws the previous version of my game had, I have quite a lot of strengths that I could leverage.

As I’ve mentioned before, it’s kinda coming full circle. Now that I’ve become a bit wiser, I need to go back towards just being and becoming my best self, following my instincts, transfer my state and emotions, and get results. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that. I’m not (currently at least) looking to shag 20 girls in 40 days.

On that note, I’m still exploring solutions to the tension between my very real need for a stable, vulnerably intimate relationship and the fact that I also doubt I’d feel satisfied with what passes for conventional monogamy in college. Obviously solutions do exist.

In any event, progress is happening. It has happened. And it will happen.

 

[Conquistador]

Right now, I feel better and calmer than in a very long time. I have no clue why, but I assume my system is finally correcting itself.

 

[Conquistador]

This evening I went out with my wing and achieved a number of firsts.

-First time in a 21+ venue (solo!)
-First NG approach where the boyfriend showed up
-First time doing “real” night street game

It’s too bad we didn’t pull because our logistics were pretty good this time, but who cares? Boatloads of XP and I had a ton of fun.

Hopefully we’ll have time for a serious DG session on Wed or Thu.

Outline of the night:

Went to a semi-private Hollywood shindig thanks to wing finding out about it. We missed almost half the event but it was still great. Turns out the venue cards so I go in but wing ends up doing solo DG on Hollywood Boulevard. He wouldn’t tell me how many sets he did but he got me the digits of this chick my age who apparently might be my type. I’ll text her in the morning.

Edit: Turns out he was making it up and the number actually belongs to a holier-than-thou and blackpilled mutual acquaintance. So glad I did a reverse phone lookup.
I may need to make a Wingman Finder post.

A bit after 10, the official thing is over and wing is getting impatient so I reluctantly come out and we do a bit of sarging but there really aren’t many good sets there at that hour.

We go to a 7-11 and I buy us empty calories to recharge our batteries. After two separate pit stops to pee (Double XL Big Gulps do that to you, plus I also had a Slurpee), we head over to the Sunset Strip but find out it’s almost empty during the week. No problem because there’s a bit of action nearby around the gay bars. We decided to limit ourselves to 2-sets and ended up not approaching anyone.

The main lessons from the two street game parts:
1) React quicker. I missed a tall curvy foreign mom with an easy language-based opener because she only opened her mouth to her kid as she was almost past us. Same with a 2-set at the end of the night where the lead chick was on her phone. We had agreed for the night street part that whoever liked a chick would go direct, but lead chick was wing’s type not mine and again I passed the second girl too quickly.
2) Walk a bit slower when near potential sets. Gives more reaction time.
3) Being well rested and in state isn’t essential, but every little bit helps.
4) When we’re together, we don’t make enough approaches. For some reason, we’re both fine solo.
5) Wing and I, while we make a great double act, need to learn to be more coordinated. As well as push each other to be bolder.

Also I realized thanks to wing that my vintage look is actually pretty edgy in a sense.

I’ll end off on a funny note: we agreed to try pretending to be a gay pair curious about chicks sometime when we do night street in West Hollywood again. I don’t think we could have pulled it off convincingly tonight though.

 

[Conquistador]

Whatever happens, this semester is going to be nuts.

As of right now, I’ve done almost nothing to prepare. All the essential tasks can be done today and tomorrow.

I’m starting the semester in a far stronger position than ever before in almost every way. However, organization and discipline remain my Achilles heel. I’m committed to improving that.

There are three areas where I’m going to put serious effort: academics, independence, and social/girls.

Academic objectives:
-Maintain 4.0;
-Be more diligent;
-Settle certain placement issues;
-Achieve as much as I can as a board member of multiple clubs
-Take advantage of any opportunities that come up

Independence plan:
-Grow income to above 2k/month, (mostly planned out already);
-Get a studio on my own
-Or find a really good housemate through college (unlikely, but possible)
-Grow income further, until I achieve total financial independence

In terms of SC expansion, a lot will depend on how much time I can commit. I’m headed in a good direction already. I also should be able to leverage the connections from my summer program to get into the four-year scene. One thing I didn’t understand at all in high school is the sheer power of being the one to take initiative.

Since my little NG adventure I’ve begun to feel much more strongly that a stable relationship is what I need right now.

The time for adventures will come. But right now, the hero’s journey phase isn’t over. And I really feel it’s important to be coming from a place of security before having lots of random adventures.

The key is going to be VOLUME. The more girls I meet, the more quickly I’ll meet someone I really vibe with. There are a lot of high-quality girls out there. All I have to do is go out and meet them.

 

[Conquistador]

I recently had my entire presence on a platform destroyed because of something I did in good faith. It’s significantly disruptive to my active participation in college clubs and student government.

It was actually a relatively painless way to learn that a girl who’s only using you as an emotional tampon may well have little real trust or connection to you and might throw you under the bus pretty easily. Also, such a girl will often blame you for her emotional-tampon-seeking behavior. I should have seen the red flags, but I felt kinda validated by the fact that such a traumatized person trusted me, and only me, with “intimate” (her words) information.

In the end, it’s a minor annoyance when compared to the other piece of news I got today, which is that I got passed over for a departmental tutoring job. It’s understandable as the incumbent is more senior, but I’m probably better qualified. Next semester, I might try to edge him out since it’s been established that he’s almost unable to teach/tutor the sub-area they focus on in the spring.

In the end, even that just means that I have to do more legwork to get a job. I know that a specialty dealer I use is hiring, which would be pretty fun for a minimum-wage job (LA minimum wage is fine since my self-employment is pretty lucrative per hour, albeit capped).

Anyway, I’m gonna use my new account on that platform almost exclusively for college, which will help cut my screen usage.

 

[Conquistador]

It’s the middle of Week 1 and while I’m not quite off to the flying start I had hoped for, things are doing pretty darn well.

Anyway…

This evening I went to a friend’s to get space to work. Afterwards, I stayed a bit late discussing certain things with him.

The main thing I realized tonight is that up to now, I was (understandably) uptight about controlling my own destiny. While previously the risk-management mentality has been very helpful, it’s pretty much time to chill out and accept that while I can steer, I can hardly leave the stream of destiny entirely.

On further reflection, when I covered this, I was thinking mainly about future shifts in my personality and values. The inevitability of future change and unpredictability can’t become an excuse to not have a strong vision and the clear-eyed discipline to carry it out regardless of Murphy’s Law.

In any event, what will happen, will happen. There’s no point trying to escape it.

It seems that I hadn’t settled all the ramifications of the lifequake that was my teenage years. It’s scary to think that a big part of what I thought my personality and views were could be subject to reevaluation. But hey, I’ve already changed so much. My friend used the term “born again”, and perhaps it’s not inaccurate. At least, I understand something of why that flavor of evangelicalism is so appealing to some people.
As my professor said just today, when people resist cultural change, what they usually really mean is that they want self-determination rather than letting external forces shape their culture.

So, if my path, for instance, leads naturally to a totally out-of-control player phase after transfer, I probably shouldn’t try too hard to resist that.

But right now, as someone said wisely, “learn to walk before you learn to run”. I have a non-date tête-à-tête tomorrow that should be fun. Hopefully our work/hangout will not only add to social momentum but be enlightening about certain SC stuff.

My sleep is improving. Proof thereof is that I can barely keep my eyes open while writing this, since the usual vicious loops aren’t activated. So, time to

 

[Conquistador]

My first week back at college is pretty much over and I have a lot to chew on.

I’m consistently getting more IoIs and straight-out AIs than ever before, although half the time I haven’t been in the mood to be social or approach. This is with no major wardrobe changes btw.

But overall my state is definitely improving. Btw my 2¢ on Teevster’s position re: state is that he’s projecting his by now hard-wired mastery onto everyone else; knowledge isn’t gonna help you much in default mode until it permeates your entire self.

A lot fewer students than before are online so campus is a tad more crowded.

Anyway…

-I have several leads in my classes already. I haven’t opened all of them yet but I will.

-Things gradually ramped up over the week. Today I went to a daytime mixer on campus that I’m not sure was my cup of tea. I met a lot of cool people but a lot of the time I didn’t feel locked in and my friend, on of the organizers, mentioned it afterward too.
Part of the issue was nothing to do with me at all but it has to be redacted.

Mini-FR/FU
Within sight of said event, there was a chick working on her laptop. She gave off bored/horny vibes and also threw out IoIs.
After the event was over, I went over and introduced myself. Turns out she was French (not from Paris, which is good) which I didn’t expect since she didn’t look like it at all. For the first 5-8 minutes of our convo she was giving off a lot of positive nonverbals (kinda the same as other 18 yo gen z chicks but more…French ) but by the end she wasn’t super engaged.

Mistakes:
-My path over was way too indirect. Although, sitting down perpendicular to her was good as it locked in well.
-My tired, hungry brain got too platonic and maybe too intellectual because I was just plain curious about her (not your typical French chick at all). I also didn’t display enough interest. It was actually a really cool convo, just not a particularly good approach.
-I didn’t move for an instadate (easy in college) later in the day or else seed/plan something else. I should have moved faster, and obviously a French girl would tolerate more directness than most other inexperienced 18 year olds.
-The close was decent-ish (I had to bail eventually because I was supposed to lead an SC thing) but I didn’t lead up to it at all except for a bit of seeding ocean swimming.
I took her WhatsApp since she doesn’t have a US number yet. Instead of pinging while still in set, I waited three hours. She read it pretty quickly, but didn’t reply.

It was a valuable experience, and I’m not exactly cut up that I lost her (although in college it’s never over til it is), but it was slightly annoying, especially as I was over ten minutes late to the SC meeting right afterward (luckily so was almost everyone else).

I think the thing people dislike about French girls is that they expect you to do 90%+ of the work and will just be coquettish and saucy until you get them. It takes some getting used to but I understand why they do it and I’m not going to hate on them for it, unlike some people. But I gotta say, I DEFINITELY prefer girls who actually pull their weight in a convo and don’t play too many games.
This particular girl was also not super gorgeous and attainability might have been an issue.

Hopefully, the not-quite-French girl I plan to open next class won’t be anything like that. I doubt it, and in fact I have a very good feeling about her.

I don’t really want to get into the nitty-gritty of the SC meeting I ejected to, but I said one or two slightly cringey things. At least I wasn’t the only one. But definitely, it showed that state is paramount.

Overall things are going pretty well so far. But I need a lot more food now that I’m getting more exercise and have less body fat. And I got about six hours of iffy sleep each night this week and I literally look like a handsome vampire right now with the eye bags.

Luckily, I have four whole days to recover and more importantly reorganize. Some assignments and a bit of work, but that’s it. Plenty of time to clear the backlog of tasks and get my act together. And plan out improved ways of doing things.

One last thing: It’s taking me some time to feel comfortable in my own skin as the ambitious overachiever I’m becoming. And also, being treated as a full adult, and one who definitely isn’t an NPC. It doesn’t help that I have a much more impressive physical presence than almost all of the other high flyers on campus (who tend to be small, female, and often nonwhite). Meanwhile, out of my element I can feel slightly awkward (the above mixer, for instance). I’m easily a 9 in looks, but my game doesn’t match it and my social graces are still average at best.

Whatever, I’m learning and making good progress. Time for a snack, and then I’m going to bed at a decent time.

 

[Conquistador]

I’ve realized that I need to learn to balance the needs of the present (make progress with academic/social/seduction and take advantage of the zeitgeist and other opportunities) with the need to grow toward a better future (mainly, independence, happiness, and freedom of action). Both are important, and to an extent depend on each other.

In plain English, what this means is that I’m making pit stops at the library between classes and meetings, noticing girls I like, and doing nothing because right now I’m not doing great physically. My whole body hurts, I haven’t slept well (mostly not my fault lately!) and most importantly my brain is stuck in low gear. I’m too awesome to ever feel like a piece of crap, but it sucks.

Actually, I had a really positive class and meeting earlier even though I was tired and not quite as well-presented as usual. But I just don’t feel social (or sexual) when I’m in physical pain.

Over the long weekend, I made only limited progress reorganizing. Sleep suffered (not entirely my fault). I made all of the essential deadlines, but didn’t stay far enough ahead of them. I continued getting 2-2.5 day streaks (which have been pretty rare for months) which I think is pretty much a natural frequency for when I’m doing well physically. Previously, constant stress was affecting it and that wasn’t good. Now, I generally feel better in terms of energy centers and whatnot and when I pump my PC in public I instantly feel more grounded and capable.

I think it would be useful to expand my wardrobe a little more. I should have that done by the end of next week.

I’m also realizing a lot of other things. I’ll probably post on most of them at some point.

The only one I’m really ready to share is that I’m beginning to allow myself to really feel negative feelings toward my parents for not ensuring that the family has an orderly and healthy place to live in. My sublet was a mess, but overall it was better than the place I’m standing in right now.

Overall I’m optimistic that I can achieve maximum objectives this fall. There are a lot of sticking points and bottlenecks I’ve identified and I already have plans to deal with many of them.

I honestly think until I have my own place, physically and emotionally, I probably shouldn’t go all in and start pulling. It’s healthier that way, and frankly much more acceptable now that I’m getting the hang of retention again. And it’s not like I’ve run out of things to learn from approaching. But it’s still frustrating. So many girls, so little competition, limits to what I can do about it.

I should explain why I consider this so limiting. Apart from the constant toll it’s taking on my state, I literally do not have the ability to commit a lot of time for social stuff. I want to get that freedom of action as soon as possible.

In some ways, I’m basically half homeless. And that sucks. But I’m making progress toward breaking out of the chains that are holding me back.

 

[Conquistador]

In the past two days I’ve found out just how ridiculously common random encounters are on campus. Before this semester most people were still online so it wasn’t the same.
I have a lot of momentum and a fair amount of leads. State is improving gradually as well.

 

[Conquistador]

Over the next week or so, I’m going to make a big push toward my medium-term objectives. I did get knocked off balance a bit over the past couple days but it’s under control. Mainly, I need to just maintain forward momentum and make inertia work for me.

Until I have my own place, I don’t really see the point of trying to pull girls (although there are two older women in one of my classes whom I might be interested in). Which means that I should be focusing on improving the middle of my process — compliance, leading, and other things. Building social momentum goes without saying.

I’ve been seeing things a lot differently since the semester started but I’ll get to that later.

 

[Conquistador]

Another thing to take into consideration: most people are simply not that interesting.

When you are a guy with a rich background, meaning you have a lot of interests and a
lot of cool things going in your favor, it becomes hard to take interest in anything a regular girl can provide besides sex.

Not talking about feeling superior or any of that red pill shit...it's just how it goes.
The best way to counter that is to create your whole awesome personal world and let the best ones in.
Then every time you meet someone interesting, you are able to write a new story with her and forge a wonderful path that she can walk with you.

This has been bothering me for months. Several girls in the past year have autorejected past the hook point because they think I’m too cool for them. I’ve barely even started learning how to even implement the solution he suggests. I do have an “awesome personal world” to lead girls into (although without my own place it has less substance) but bringing them into it is harder than it sounds, especially as I compartmentalize my life a lot at the moment.

It’s even worse in terms of finding new bros to hang with actually. I’ve met a couple guys who are pretty cool but they have their own totally separate lives too and I don’t wanna intrude on that. The rest of them think it’s a super cool male bonding activity to just go watch Oppenheimer together. Also, being slightly older when you’re more “sigma” than “alpha” means you don’t have much in common, whereas girls are silly and cute anyway so 1-3 years just strengthens your frame.

 

[Conquistador]

Yesterday was fun.
After decent sleep, I got to class early for the first time so far, but not much happened there. Afterward, I hung around campus with no particular purpose in mind. Had some AA issues in the library so nothing there except running into an acquaintance, and then something else I don’t want to discuss publicly. After that I randomly encountered the French girl from above ^^ studying outdoors. I focused mainly on rebuilding the right frames, with some success. Our convo was fun and a tiny bit edgy, and I communicated value (not that that was the issue). Screwed up the compliance a bit though; I asked if she was free Friday, etc. and she told me she was probably going to go out with friends.

Only just now did I realize how dumb I’ve been, then and before. I’m at least as important as some boring outing with the girls.

But, at least I set the right frame of not chasing, and showing that my interest depends on her compliance. That kind of low-commitment probe/invite is probably good here, I think.

Anyway, that breakdown was a bit too technical so I’m going to just try putting myself in her shoes while I’m going to bed after I post this.
The most underrated model isn’t vac or sac, it’s perspective-flip.

Also, I thought her nonverbals were interesting. She wasn’t as horny as our first encounter, but definitely was a bit genuinely nervous/girl-fidgety. After we began talking more deeply, she got more chill, but not relaxed or anything, just engaged. Not a full bubble, but good enough. After a while, she excused herself saying she needed to go and do laundry and I let he

Anyway, we’re almost certainly going to bump into each other again. While I’m definitely not going to get more invested than she does, I actually think she’s a really interesting bird and might make a great fwb. And probably I would need to lead her like a Real Man and cut through her French games. The trick would be to express enough interest to get her to take me seriously, while keeping my own frame and drawing her gradually into it.

On further reflection, I need to watch my attainability carefully. She’s not super hot conventionally and is well aware of it. I need to show more of my interest in specifically her. Earlier was a good start but I need to rely on my natural attractiveness and stop worrying about mind games and power dynamics. The way I read her, she likes me but isn’t going to risk her ego at all, which is perfectly understandable.

Rn I need sleep so…to be continued…

Anyway, a bit after this, I noticed a girl I recognized only from IG while charging my phone at the student union so I said hi and chatted for a few minutes. Wasn’t feeling sexual so I just made interesting conversation. Isn’t SC game wonderful?

After this, I went to the nearest suburban business district with the vague idea of getting fresh air and doing a couple approaches. I decided to do something concretely productive (if non-urgent) instead and went to a large specialty retailer I had been wanting to visit for a while to buy equipment.

Then, something really interesting happened. I recognized one of the floor employees from somewhere else, years and years back. After a few minutes of normal customer-salesman discussion, I asked him if his last name was “Doe” etc and he still couldn’t place me till I told him my first name. After that, we caught up a bit and then traded numbers. He mentioned that the employees go out adventuring all the time and gave me an open invitation. It would be cool if I could find the time; maybe I can bring a friend or two along as well.

All in all, the most remarkable day I’ve had so far this semester.

Also, I decided, after seeing the effects it’s had on my state lately, to try to strictly limit my solo ejaculations by scheduling them, for at least the next few weeks.

Food and sleep still aren’t ideal so I need to get that more organized. In general there’s progress, but it’s very fluid.

 

[Conquistador]

I’m starting to think that my difficulties in losing more weight have as much to do with sleep, toxic exposures, and inflammation as they do with diet and exercise.

I’m on 4 hours of sleep and it’s a big day. Wish me luck.

 

[Conquistador]

I’m no longer worrying about how I don’t cold approach often enough because it looks like SC is providing girls in spades.

All I need is a place to pull.

 

[Conquistador]

Today was solid.

After my first class, I got into a convo outside with two of the girls, one of whom I’m definitely into. Another guy from the class walked up; I don’t think he was trying to cockblock, just wanted in, so once I decided he wasn’t serious competition I mainly let him talk. But then somehow we kind of ended up breaking into pairs, and I got into an interesting discussion with him about major choice, opportunity costs, and the comp sci major offered here. At some point an Israeli guy from clubs, who happens to be a comp sci major, came by and joined in.
During all this, two different leads passed by. One, a reserved classmate from tomorrow’s class, gave me a little smile. I’m definitely gonna open her after class tomorrow. Meanwhile, the French girl from before, despite passing by twice, didn’t appear to notice at all.
The frequency of random encounters at peak hours on campus tends to make things more interesting.

Later, I had a board meeting. It was positive but not much action, for various reasons. Most notably, I began feeling horny from my streak and over the next two hours got more and more turned on.

When I came out, I hopped around campus a bit. Almost no random encounters and no obvious approach opportunities, so I decided to go home and refuel.

Once home, I called a Chinese girl, one of two I had number closed at a club meeting last week based on shared interests. She had given off a strong vibe of innocent/adventurous, which I think the overall tenor of the call tends to confirm. Unfortunately she wasn’t free later in the day for a quick activity date, but hopefully later in the week we’ll find time.

 

[Conquistador]

Today was a little underwhelming, but I’m keeping up the momentum on all fronts so that’s great.
I was in a hurry to get to campus, so I didn’t shave or eat breakfast. In fact, all I had the whole day was a single Dr. Pepper.
My streak continues. Today I wore super tight pants and briefly had mild pain. Overall though it’s having really good effects.
After class, I hung out a bit on campus with bros and then did a bit of independent language study in the library.
Afterward, I was gonna head home but then decided, impulsively, to check out a certain big campus. While en route, I made a social approach.

Once there, I started feeling very small and awkward, probably because of not being fueled or caffeinated. On my own campus, I can swagger insouciantly because I’m pretty much the GOAT in training, or so I want to believe. Not so here, where I felt less than calibrated to the clothes and everything. At least the natural beauty of the girls over there wasn’t fazing me anymore.
I ended up exploring their library and then checking out the residential area a bit. On the way out, a girl in a 2-set flashed me two big “approach me!” smiles, but I decided not to because she wasn’t that pretty.
On the bus back, I sat in front of a tall, curvy law student, but by this point I couldn’t think of an opener beyond “hi” and she was on her phone.

Tomorrow’s a bigger day than usual and I plan to meet it head on. I’m feeling sexual and I’m going to see what results I can accomplish.
Also, I confirmed a date for the weekend.

 

[Conquistador]

Today is shaping up to be solid and it’s not even half over

I’m still exploring solutions to the tension between my very real need for a stable, vulnerably intimate relationship and the fact that I also doubt I’d feel satisfied with what passes for conventional monogamy in college. Obviously solutions do exist.

Seeing the sheer number of available girls on campus, and that a decent percentage think I’m hot, combined with the lack of competition and a bunch of other favorable circumstances, kinda made me forget about getting a serious GF for the moment. Besides, meaningful FwB is probably gonna mess with my pair bond response less than anything else, which is important to me strategically.
But I don’t have to wait for logistics to start setting up my harem roster rotation coterie of friend/lovers. People here tend to be very P-in-V centered but I don’t necessarily need to SDL these SC chicks. At the same time, since I somehow haven’t kissed a girl yet, I don’t want to waste that memory on a girl I’m lukewarm about. I say this because…

While I was drafting this post, a girl (who I’m not sure about) from SC basically asked me out for after her class. This is gonna be fun…

 

[Conquistador]

Today was overall the most disastrous single day I’ve had in over a year. Everything went wrong.

Thankfully, no significant permanent damage was done except a minor financial expense.

And in fact, I’m going to use this as an opportunity to firmly cut my parents out of yet another area of my life. There may be pushback but it’s high time they left me alone.

 

[Conquistador]

I’m planning a major organizational overhaul that’s long overdue.

I have the raw materials to break free and really start building a better future, but in order to do it all promptly I need to do things a little differently.

In terms of seduction, it’s time I faced some issues I still have about vibing and stuff.

 

[Conquistador]

For the next two weeks, at least, I’m gonna focus completely on improving my social life and SC game. I might still do opportunistic cold approaches but I’m 1) not in the same heat-seeking mood (medium-term) that I was before, and 2) in danger of getting overextended time wise. Added to which, I’m starting to work more deeply through some deep inner game stuff that’s been limiting me from becoming more open and friendly.

Also, I’m thinking of pursuing a double major in a natural science. It won’t be easy, especially early on, as I’ll be starting from scratch. But my spiritual intuition feels strongly that it’s at least worth trying this.