Surveying the Topography

[Conquistador]

I realized that many of my continuing difficulties are due to a fundamental energy imbalance. Once I realized that, I saw that the possibility was, retrospectively, supported quite well by past experiences and data.

Now that I appreciate the importance of achieving harmony, I can push forward with solutions.

Among other things, this means that moving out before getting girls is actually a mistake. Also, while sex is an important end goal, it’s not the only way to exchange energies.

In other news, I’m going to miss out on a rare event because I unwisely stayed up far too late to play video games.

Two steps forward, one step back.

 

[Conquistador]

Although today is mostly gonna be a rest day, I’ve been thinking about experimenting with more direct openers and stuff because a decent percentage of girls finds me pretty attractive at first sight.

Mainly though, I want to improve my vibe, fix sleep, and push forward with delayed work.

I’m starting to think, though, that everything will become easier once I’m balancing energies with girls. So I think I’m going to make a serious effort in that direction.

I might start this afternoon/evening, or as late as Tuesday. It really depends on my energy levels and mood.

 

[Conquistador]

Enough is enough.

I need to put my sleep first.

And abstain completely from video games.

Those two things will naturally lead to other good things.

I really hope I have the fortitude for even just a few days of forcing myself into healthy habits, because that will unlock a lot of progress.

It’s time to embrace Real Life with drive and verve.

 

[Conquistador]

Progress continues!

Yesterday was extremely positive. I had serious trouble sleeping, but a bottle of Mountain Dew + fasting (apart from that) gave me the strength to go all day.
I skipped class to get an extra hour or two of sleep but the rest of the day was packed with various events on multiple campuses:

-I met a girl who would make a well-rounded package overall, except that she’s still recovering from bad acne. I expect to be seeing quite a lot more of her for the rest of the academic year, so maybe it’ll improve with time.
-I had a fun chat with Deja Vu Girl. I’ve stopped thinking of her that way, as she’s very different really. For one thing, she’s naturally svelte and not an anorexic flat-chested type. Also, she has a good sense of humor and doesn’t seem to be traumatized. All pluses in her favor, not that I really see her that way but the rapidly emerging seducer in me sees all healthy single girls as potential partners right now. Also, she’s non-needy about guys as a whole in a way that makes me wonder if she might be WLW. Either way, she’s significantly cooler than I had originally thought. Definitely solid friend material.
Anyway enough about her…I have a new lead that I’m really liking…
I ran into this chick I remember from last semester. Back then she was kind of overweight but today she looks much healthier and pleasantly cuddly. We started chatting and had an interesting conversation where I got to know her a bit better and began to appreciate how cool she is.
It was only when I got home and searched her CV up that I found out she’s around a decade older than me. That explains a whole lot.
Let’s see where I can go with her.

After that, I went to the regular program and had a very interesting time. Afterward, I had a long chat with a girl who’s a regular there. She’s definitely a complex, intelligent, and unusual person, which is what intrigued me, but then she calmly told me about how she was sexually and emotionally abused by her one boyfriend a couple years ago, which kind of shut her libido down to this day. Not to mention that she has a congenital condition and serious ADHD (if that’s all it is). She even advised me to “[not] date anyone, ever” (classic Gen Z projection). But she seems to feel pretty darn comfortable around me personally.
Naturally, I wouldn’t dream of trying to game her. If she wants me to help her heal, she’ll indicate it somehow.

I got home and lay down while my supper was cooking and fell asleep for over 8 hours straight. I’m about to try to do that again.

So yeah, I woke up kinda early today…wasn’t a terribly productive day but I got some rest and refreshed my perspective on things. Overall an improvement on previous rest days.

Tomorrow promises to be long and interesting as usual.

 

[Conquistador]

While getting up to hydrate, I had a brainwave.
When I have a heavyweight school assignment such as a term paper, I tend to become focused and efficient and produce high-quality stuff.

If I want to get a girl beyond just fishing for green lights, it would help to be in an analogous place. If I consciously deploy the concentrated magic instead of just being my somewhat attractive normal self, many of those girls who are clearly attracted to default-mode me will be totally unable to resist being swept away MUAHAHAHA jk

Honestly, I don’t think it’s a problem to focus and calibrate to a specific girl so long as you are doing that with multiple girls at any given point.
It definitely helps to be have functional motivation pathways.

So of course I tend to do this a little already, but I think once a girl is hooked and reciprocating and not around friends, it will help to gradually and intentionally dial up the magic until she’s ready to move/bounce/pull/jump into the bushes.

That’s another thing I’m learning. Of course I knew intellectually that women take time to start boiling, but it’s another thing infield. And as yet I haven’t seen the entire process from beginning (cold open) to end (orgasming from penetration) in one stretch.

Lastly, the delays to financial/moving out stuff must stop. No more dragging my feet. Of course it won’t happen tomorrow, but I need to at least break the inertia and get the ball rolling a bit.

 

[Conquistador]

November is gonna be intense, but I’m still feeling optimistic.
I skipped class again today in order to catch up on sleep. It helped.
Later, I had the usual series of meetings and events. In fact, at one point I had to dash back and forth between two simultaneous ones that both required my presence.

I learned some important things about climbing the academic ladder. Specifically, that it’s important to present a clear, cohesive picture of who you are and not merely collect hats.

In any case…let’s talk about girls…

I saw the older girl from Tuesday at one of the meetings and chatted a bit on Discord during it, but I couldn’t stay afterward to talk
It’s fine though, I think we’ll be seeing more of each other gradually.
I had a short chat with a girl in student govt who’s pretty cute but maybe not super compatible. She looked a little stressed from work and I empathized with her about that.
Speaking of empathizing…
Someone publicly cast aspersions on a girl I work with for something that wasn’t her fault. After we were done both of our shared meetings, she started venting and I just listened and said vague things in agreement. She even teared up a bit. I almost offered to hug her but didn’t for some reason, which probably was a bit too inhibited of me. In any case, I probed (kinda platonically) about an obvious activity date but it turned out to be totally infeasible.

I’m slowly learning to take better care of myself and be better organized. The future is bright.

As far as girls are concerned, though, the semester won’t last forever and I should make some time for dates.

 

[Conquistador]

I’m going to do my best to get a date or two or even three from SC by the end of tomorrow.

Beyond that, I’ve made little tangible progress since the last post on the academic and business items that are still pressing on me.

That must change very soon.

Luckily, I have a clear plan and am more or less determined to see it through promptly.

Recently, even at my most stressful, drained moments, I’ve felt an inner strength that I didn’t have before. It just needs to be coupled to some drive.

Part of the plan is to get more action with girls, which should (I hope) significantly help my internal state, mood, and organization. It should be pretty simple. If not, it’s not essential to the plan, obviously.

It’s a safe bet that challenges of some sort will arise before, during, or after dates. I hope I’m equipped well enough to deal with them.
But there’s not much point in worrying about it. Better to learn by doing.

 

[Conquistador]

Results so far: soft closed one girl for some kind of date Friday. 95%+ chance she won’t flake as I can read her signals. I also realized there’s another opportunity that day for an activity either with friends or as a date with some other chick who’s into that sort of thing.
I had other ask-outs planned but the other girls were distracted/not there today/etc.

When I’m done charging my phone (I’m at another campus), I want to try one or two cold approaches.

 

[Conquistador]

Results so far: soft closed one girl for some kind of date Friday. 95%+ chance she won’t flake as I can read her signals.

She got off the waitlist for something major.
However, she suggested an alternative time and used the word “date”. Furthermore, she suggested the perfect activity (which I wasn’t gonna suggest because it’s so far from her). Scenic activity, plenty of opportunity to chat, and best of all a lot of me leading her around.
She’s clearly interested and looks to be such good LTR material I’ve begun overthinking about how to avoid getting locked in.

I also realized there’s another opportunity that day for an activity either with friends or as a date with some other chick who’s into that sort of thing.

I’m going adventuring with the bros instead.

I had a good time chilling on campus with a female friend. There’s definitely some latent sexual tension but I don’t want to act on it until I have more experience.

General progress continues to slowly accelerate:

-I’ve begun losing body fat again, this time in a more steady and gradual way than the previous round of cutting. My core is more defined than ever, and I can’t wait to reach the 50-pushups-a-day-and-lean-red-meat phase so that I finally turn into a “total beast” (to quote the loser BF of a Euro girl whom I approached a while back).

-A well-known promoter dropped into my DMs invited me to an event that was too intense to be my cup of tea. I declined by telling him that I got invited to the expedition (amusingly it was my idea, I casually told someone about the window while I still had the date planned for tomorrow, then he got a group together).

-I’m gradually getting a handle on my schoolwork. Or at least moving in that general direction. It’s about time.

 

[Conquistador]

Also, two things:

Today I had an unusual amount of random encounters proportional to time spent on campus. Nothing super notable for the purposes of this journal, besides that I feel part of the community that’s resurrecting itself this semester, and also am finding a place I’m satisfied with in it. This is a big deal to me because I didn’t really have that during primary and secondary schooling.

Second, I had a really positive follow-up conversation riding the bus home with an SC girl. There’s definitely a vibe and I’ll most likely be seeing her twice next week.
We got into a good mix of deep and fun, with some SOT-ish stuff. (I don’t really try gamey sex talk because the mere fact of being comfortable with the concept, combined with my passive attractiveness, is more than enough in a Gen Z commuter college.)
Probably the next time we have a chat I’ll ask her out. If our ride had been fifteen minutes longer, I’d probably have done so, but I sense it’s even better to continue reeling her in steadily as this is SC and she knows I am one of a kind.
I thought it was really interesting that she told me she doesn’t want to ever have biological kids, and that it seems to be something she’s felt for a while (not necessarily just college girl BS).
Also, I noticed that she looks slightly but noticeably better than the first few times I saw her. I’m not totally sure why.
Regardless, I like her body and her personality and I can see myself inside her so I’ll do what I can to get to that.

About that…I need to figure out logistics. This girl might have some but most don’t. I’m gonna need to get a move on.

 

[Conquistador]

I got a bit sick over the weekend so I ended up wasting yet more time.

However, this week I’m going to focus on building as much momentum as possible because I need to be accelerating pretty much continuously for the next five weeks.

The windows and room for maneuver have gotten a lot narrower.

Enough is enough.

Something has to change.

 

[Conquistador]

I think it’s time to zoom out a bit and reflect on the strategic situation.

I came into this semester/season with ambitious goals, perhaps even more ambitious than last spring.

Somehow, despite considerable delays, I’m on track to achieve many, if not most, of them.

Moreover, my decisions about grand strategy, including my bold reactions to unexpected challenges, during the past two years or so have turned out to be essentially sound.

I continue to run into difficulties with the transition to independence. It’s a combination of the absurd cost of living, residual psychological and sometimes physical disruptions (not least the immense time and energy sucked up by things like video games and, for the past 12 months, my phone), familial uncooperativeness, and general burnout from pushing myself to achieve academic goals while still under chronic stress.

I think I’m doing a fairly decent, if less than stellar, job given the circumstances.

There’s no question I’m far stronger in most ways than ever before. And this is mainly because I’ve been swimming against the current for a protracted period.
Nonetheless, I frequently dream of the day not too far off when the load will get lighter and I’ll be able to fully heal.
_______________________________________

At long last, I’m beginning to play for results and going on dates (or what passes for them in 2023, anyway) on a regular basis.
My lack of logistics is annoying, but it will take weeks to do much about it.
I’m still finding my feet in terms of setting up a process but since I’m essentially playing warm-up mode with an overpowered build, I can just be myself.
I do want to go back to serious cold approach eventually but right now my goal is just to get continuing situationships or whatever with 2-6 girls. By the end of the week I expect to be significantly closer to that…

 

[Conquistador]

On the train, I encountered a pair of Czechs spending a year working here. We had a fun conversation.

In retrospect, I think they might have actually been brother and sister. And the girl was smiling at me a lot. Well, there are plenty more late-20s Euro girls walking around…

 

[Conquistador]

Today has, overall, been really successful on almost all fronts.
I got several key items done, and will do more tomorrow.


However, the busy girl I mentioned before showed me her beautifully outlined schedule. She is choosing her volunteering not-job over a fun afternoon with me that she clearly otherwise wants to do.

Luckily, there are plenty of other girls in SC. I want to ask out minimum two of them by the end of the week.

I also have been thinking about 1) a weekend solo trip to the exurbs 2) getting back into cold approach.

 

[Conquistador]

Despite a minor double catastrophe that randomly came out of left field, I’m doing great

In general, faced with real pressure, I’ve been driving my shoulder into the burden like a champ.
More new clients, planning a seaside SC hangout/adventure…as well as a solo trip for a weekend somewhere where I can go via bike+train, get some quality R&R, let myself go, and hopefully meet some rural/exurban girls.

Not to mention the more quotidian obligatory (and/or nearly so) academic and extracurricular projects. Starting is half the battle for gifted procrastinators like myself.
______________________________________

If I’m going to be honest, I’m not as solidly confident dealing with objections — as I’ll become eventually. At least I’m not coming off as weak or anything. I think.

Yesterday I was grouped up with a wasian Tinder girl type in a campus event who was blushing a lot and overall clearly attracted. Her attraction started attracting me, but I resisted. It would have been fun to nudge things along a little further but after happening to see over her shoulder later on, I’m glad I didn’t. I don’t have a strong MWC but just…not my cup of tea.
(Edit: I found out the very next day that she’s very bi. Now I have to be tolerant toward her open experimentation lol.
Later on Thursday, I also found out that someone else I know from SC is bi and that there’s sexual tension between the two of them.)

In any case, I need to keep working through the cognitive blocks about dates without logistics. Most of these girls aren’t going to care so long as we can isolate enough for a little play

 

[Conquistador]

Thursday was extremely intense but I found that I loved the constant work and action

I stayed on campus for over 10 hours straight. Besides classes I had no less than 5 major meetings. I also had a bunch of random encounters of course.

I’m still processing everything but I have at least one new lead. I’m not terribly excited but perhaps that will improve my chances lol.
Also, the details are up in the air for a week or two but someone very fun will be on campus next semester.

One thing I’ve realized is the dissonance between the masculine ideal of individualistic teamwork (dialogue between independent figures) and the increasingly dominant (on US undergrad campuses) feminine system of collective thought and closed circles.
There are times when I’ll admit it would be convenient to have a vagina lol.
In any case, I need to figure out how to get such circles open to me. Two-sets are easier (socially speaking) but it’s maddening when three or more attractive/cool/valuable girls are in a tight circle walling off from the world. Also, most of the mixed or especially all-male groups are mainly lower-status people.
@Wick @fog? This sort of thing is something I’ve been thinking more and more about. I think it’s more extreme/polarized in my particular location than most other places though.

 

[Conquistador]

On Friday I woke up sick. This was incredibly inconvenient because I’m finally ready to flow efficiently and get as much work done in as short a time as physically possible…now I have to sleep a lot, eat a lot, and hope I don’t start coughing at the wrong moment.

I feel much worse than I did back when I got COVID two summers ago. My mother keeps bothering me about it. Maybe I should go for a serious gf just to replace my mother-figure from my mental map. Because I don’t want to be close to my mother. I know it’s not a good sign emotionally but I don’t want any kind of connection with either parent, really.
Anyway…

This is all on top of my having had two key pieces of physical infrastructure fail. Whether by sheer coincidence, act of God, or malice by person/s unknown, I’m in deep doggy doo.

But I don’t care. Internally, I feel more capable than I have in a while. I’m going to triumph in the end <cough cough>

 

[Zoro]

Thursday was extremely intense but I found that I loved the constant work and action

I stayed on campus for over 10 hours straight. Besides classes I had no less than 5 major meetings. I also had a bunch of random encounters of course.

I’m still processing everything but I have at least one new lead. I’m not terribly excited but perhaps that will improve my chances lol.
Also, the details are up in the air for a week or two but someone very fun will be on campus next semester.

One thing I’ve realized is the dissonance between the masculine ideal of individualistic teamwork (dialogue between independent figures) and the increasingly dominant (on US undergrad campuses) feminine system of collective thought and closed circles.
There are times when I’ll admit it would be convenient to have a vagina lol.
In any case, I need to figure out how to get such circles open to me. Two-sets are easier (socially speaking) but it’s maddening when three or more attractive/cool/valuable girls are in a tight circle walling off from the world. Also, most of the mixed or especially all-male groups are mainly lower-status people.
@Wick @fog? This sort of thing is something I’ve been thinking more and more about. I think it’s more extreme/polarized in my particular location than most other places though.

I would think that for college, social circle is king. Hector probably has a lot more to say on that in his college book. Probably worth a read for you.

But I have to agree, I don't think you're going to find a lot of men who are high status/high value in uni. A lot of men take a while to develop themselves and college is an easy excuse to just stay on the beaten path. There will of course be exceptions to this, and if you want to find them I suggest you be the epicenter. Can you be the guy who brings values to a group? Value recognizes value. What are your interests that you want to collaborate or discuss with other men on?

When I was in college, I didn't really meet many people I was into. However, I was also in a band and met TONS of great people through that. No one in college knew I was in a band lol. But I was a small celebrity in the music scene.

I still was dealing with AA when I was in college, but I did approach a few girls. Dated a blonde for little and laid a cute asian. But through the band, I dated a few different women, all higher quality, and basically much less effort because of my status in those circles.

My point is the arena for college seems, like you said, collective, feminine, social.

Whereas, if you want that masculine arena you might have to develop it yourself, and done right it’ll bring in what you want.

 

[Zoro]

On Friday I woke up sick. This was incredibly inconvenient because I’m finally ready to flow efficiently and get as much work done in as short a time as physically possible…now I have to sleep a lot, eat a lot, and hope I don’t start coughing at the wrong moment.

I feel much worse than I did back when I got COVID two summers ago. My mother keeps bothering me about it. Maybe I should go for a serious gf just to replace my mother-figure from my mental map. Because I don’t want to be close to my mother. I know it’s not a good sign emotionally but I don’t want any kind of connection with either parent, really.
Anyway…

This is all on top of my having had two key pieces of physical infrastructure fail. Whether by sheer coincidence, act of God, or malice by person/s unknown, I’m in deep doggy doo.

But I don’t care. Internally, I feel more capable than I have in a while. I’m going to triumph in the end <cough cough>

eat raw garlic and avoid carbs.

 

[Conquistador]

But I have to agree, I don't think you're going to find a lot of men who are high status/high value in uni.

Oh they exist
It’s just that they’re all either a) not involved in campus life because they have enough of a life already (we’re after all largely a commuter school) b) have very intense STEM-related schedules c) went straight to UCs or out of state.
And a fair amount of them are in relationships with girls who don’t go here so one less reason to put time into socializing here

A lot of men take a while to develop themselves and college is an easy excuse to just stay on the beaten path. There will of course be exceptions to this, and if you want to find them I suggest you be the epicenter. Can you be the guy who brings values to a group? Value recognizes value. What are your interests that you want to collaborate or discuss with other men on?

Hmm I’ll think abt it

When I was in college, I didn't really meet many people I was into. However, I was also in a band and met TONS of great people through that. No one in college knew I was in a band lol. But I was a small celebrity in the music scene.

I still was dealing with AA when I was in college, but I did approach a few girls. Dated a blonde for little and laid a cute asian. But through the band, I dated a few different women, all higher quality, and basically much less effort because of my status in those circles.

My point is the arena for college seems, like you said, collective, feminine, social.

Whereas, if you want that masculine arena you might have to develop it yourself, and done right it’ll bring in what you want.

Yup