Today I had something of a breakthrough.
The day before, twice, morning and evening, I had had epiphanies related to getting into women’s shoes in terms of mindset and movement patterns.
Said epiphanies being theoretical, it will take time to put them into practice.
Today I went to a big U to study. Ran two “real” sets (one # close, one positive no-hook) and a bunch of social/situational approaches. More importantly, I learned a LOT of things.
Approach #1: Library reading room. On entry, brunette gave (mainly passive) IoIs. Worked on a couch for a bit. Eventually pulled myself together, went for a water break, and opened on the way back.
It went really well but unfortunately I only gave her my number and I’m not sure if she’ll follow up.
Commuter student (all the way from exurbs), wholesome average-ish looks (above my threshold, but not enough to have developed good girl game), rides horses (we had a decent thread about that), interesting major, seemed like my type.
I said hi and soon locked myself in by sitting down perpendicular to her right. She was slightly nervous in the way inexperienced girls often are in a deep dive, but was very hooked, was pulling a lot of weight keeping convo going, overall super positive. She had a Zoom in several minutes so I asked for her Insta. She doesn’t have it (cool!) so I asked for her number. She had me give her mine and said she’d text me. A bit later, when she left for somewhere where she could talk out loud during the meeting (she was using a serious library voice the whole time), she gave me a big smile and wave.
Sadly, I doubt she’ll going to take the initiative to text me, no matter how much she liked me.
Takeaways from approach #1:
- I did pretty well, no real mistakes but there’s plenty of room for improvement in fundamentals and more advanced conversational skills.
- A slightly more playful/sensual frame might have been better, as would rapport building and perhaps a tiny bit of touch.
- I already kinda knew this, but many Gen Z freshmen have issues comprehending information when they’re talking to an attractive dude, and are also not super “with it” in terms of social frame and thinking the way adults do (“Yeah, [this] is a really good school” – as if I didn’t know that already!).
- I was slightly too chill. Apart from what I said above, I didn’t let her strong/naive interest help me slip into the “I’m slightly older but not too old for you” frame that I’m supposed to be practicing for when I transfer!! Leading, DHV, showing more overt interest…hell, just because I didn’t screw it up doesn’t mean I actively did well enough.
- Saying hi to girls on a “foreign” campus isn’t hard.
Either way, there will be more girls like her. And perhaps we’ll meet again.
This was the moment that I really passed through the invisible curtain keeping me from really getting into big-campus approaches.
Approach #2: Brunette with nice legs, crowded walkway with mainly unidirectional traffic, evening. Opened situational because I was curious about what was going on.
Takeaways from approach #2:
- For a full day or even full DG session, your outfit can’t be perfectly calibrated at all times. That said, I made a small inaccuracy.
- Verbals were imperfect. Too fast, not chill enough.
After 20 seconds from opener, “I’m Surveyor” and no pause before “What’s your major?” (a mistake in and of itself at that point)
The root was not anxiety but lack of attention to verbals.
I’m gonna work on this. Eventually the self-regulation will become subconscious and habitual, as happened with my posture.
- I got a decent response for a situational with no IoIs and only two secs of preopening. It can be done, but in such cases, I need to build rapport more quickly.
Probably, pacing her reality more will help.
- I flubbed the flow of the convo at several points. This was partly because I was about to go home and opened her largely because I was genuinely curious about the thing we were walking past.
Solution: Work out better process for flow of convo. I rely way too heavily on a few basic small talk questions.
So obviously I didn’t really hook, much less close, but nonetheless it was positive. Surveyor is a great guy with good vibes, after all.
Approach #3: Last leg of bus ride home, blond German tourist behind me, mid-late 20s, glasses, fancy leather jacket.
She was mainly staring off into space and I couldn’t preopen. Eventually I just opened in a friendly way a few stops before getting off. She was interested within that nonsexual frame but there was no chance of a real set with the amount of time left and my state.
Takeaways from approach #3:
Not sure yet. Worth thinking about more.
The rest of the week I’ll be doing opportunistic approaches at baseline tempo. I have a big backlog of work to get done.
