The Ladykiller Chronicles

[Kvothe]

So today I was able to do 4 approaches. Two good ones, two meh ones. The great parts are that I didn't hesitate, and as a result the opens went much better than previously. Just need to continue transitioning into SOTs, making new RPOs, and improving sexuality of the interaction. Doing those should net me much better, much stronger hooks.

I was dressed in grey jeans, recently altered to fit my legs amazingly well. On top was a blue floral dress shirt, with sleeves rolled up. I had a black bracelet on, and black chelseas.

---

#1 Photography Student

I opened by asking what she was taking a picture of, and whether she was trying to capture the vibe of 4/20. She didn't realize it was 4/20, and responded happily to me, but walked off without leaving me much room to respond.

---

# 2 Texan Visitor

I noticed this girl in dark blue jeans, and a bright orange-tan jacket ton. The contrast was excellent. I opened via my usual RPO.

Spoiler

Me: Have you ever noticed... on days like this... when the sun comes back out after a long time... almost intoxicatingly warm... how much leaving the apartment can feel like an adventure?
Her: Yeah, definitely
Me: I find it really interesting myself. Like I'll look around, and see everyone on their phone... glued to social media... to the point that they miss out on all the beauty present when you just live in the moment.
Her: Totally.
Me: Like I had been walking through this area yesterday, and I noticed the most beautiful thing... I saw a tree full of flowers, just like that tree over there... and the petals were falling down and flickering against a pillar of light. And I realized I would have missed it completely if I'd been on my phone.
Her: Wow, that sound amazing.
Me: Yeah, I realize that we go through that a lot as people making new connections. We can miss making great ones if we don't stay present.
Her: Yeah, Are you from around here?
Me: <About to answer> Do you want to guess?
Her: Not really (shy smile), I'm terrible at guessing.
Me: Come on, I'm sure you'll guess great.
Her: Are you from the West?
Me: I am from the West
Her: California?
Me: I am! Where are you from?
Her: I'm from Texas myself.
Me: Very cool, the Austin area?
Her: Actually more North, towards Houston
Me: Ah, I'm actually not very familiar with areas outside of Austin
Her: Oh

So we have a couple of issues here. One is that I'm not remembering well what the girl said, while remembering what I did. That tells me I'm not really doing a good job bringing the girl into the conversation-I'm essentially performing a monologue. A seduction is a two-person dance, not a solo outing.

The second error is towards the end, when I other myself by claiming unfamiliarity with the area she's from. There are plenty of ways to bridge the topic better. I could have discussed the multi-culturalism of Houston and contrasted it with the multi-culturalism of NYC. Then brought up how meeting new people is one of the best ways to learn more about yourself. Going deeper into how interacting with people from other cultures is exciting, new, and the power of finding chemistry and passion in that.

Additionally, the conversation wasn't very stimulating. Similar to the points above, I think this was a miss on directing conversation towards SOTs. She also probably didn't have much comfort as well. Something to work on. Expectedly, she turned down my invite for a coffee then and there. Since she is leaving tomorrow, no point in not trying for an insta-date.

---

#3 Asian girl on bench

I had gone to sit down at a park, waiting for a friend to show up. I noticed this cute asian girl walk by. She had a great figure in athletic gear which was revealing a fit looking midriff. I notice her sit down, and grab a seat next to her. I browse my phone as she takes some pictures, until she settles down next to me.

Spoiler

Me: Hey, do you know what direction of the park we're in?
Her: Ummm, I think we're in the SE
Me: Ah okay, I always end up getting confused with my directions when in the middle of parks like this
Her: Haha no worries. It's just such a nice day to come out and sit
Me: Yeah, I totally get that. Have you ever noticed how when it gets warm like this, where the sun feels intoxicating... that just leaving the apartment can feel like an adventure?
Her: Totally. Like it's really warm today and 4/20. What are you up to right now?
Me: I'm waiting for a friend actually. You?
Her: Same. What are you guys going to do?
Me: I'm not sure... maybe we'll grab a drink somewhere. I'm not too familiar with the area, do you have any suggestions
Her: Umm, there are some places around <names a few>
Me: Thanks, maybe we'll check one out. What about you and your friend? Just going to enjoy the 4/20 atmosphere?
Her: Yeah, and maybe grab some dinner after
Me: You know, you actually strike me as the kind of person that sometimes enjoys staying home for a while... but once it warms back up, you just zip back out into the world, ready to make new connections... and have new adventures.
Me: Nice, nice. Oh, my friend actually just texted me, but I'd love to continue this conversation later, what do you say?
Her: Oh, um, uh, I actually have a boyfriend.
Me: Oh, no worries. <Pause> You remind of one of my friends actually (I tried channeling some of this without knowing really what I was saying)
Me: Maybe just as friends
Her: Oh, okay

Some issues for sure. The good things were the open was followed by a good sub topic, and had a rainbow ruse involved. The SOT needs to be better though. I need to dig deeper, and really find the spark and passion that makes it a great subject to discuss with women.

---

#4 Rush for the Uber

I was walking home and saw this very attractive, very busty woman standing. A BLM parade was passing by so I figured I might as well open while waiting for an opportunity to move through. Worth noting that the weather has chilled considerably by this point.

Spoiler

Me: Do you think I'll be able to make it across?
Her: I don't know. I've been waiting for my uber for a while... I'm freezing!
Me: Yeah. <Pause> It's interesting though... Have you noticed on days like this... when the sun comes out and it's really warm...
Her: It gets really cold really fast?
Me: Well, yeah, but more that it feels almost like an adventure too
Her: Oh, yeah... <Steps away to find Uber>

Ugh, I'm annoyed by this one. I think the opener was nonchalant, probably too much so. She was also extremely distracted, so I needed to have way better eye contact, vibe, etc to have made it work. Additionally, a huge misstep was not pacing HER reality. She starts complaining about the cold, and I just ignore what she says? Oof.

How it would have been better to go:

Spoiler

Me: Do you think I'll be able to make it across?
Her: I don't know. I've been waiting for my uber for a while... I'm freezing!
Me: Yeah, I know, I'm wearing this and even I'm getting to be freezing... But you know, it's times like these that maybe life is giving the chance for new moments, to make a new connection with a fascinating stranger <give seductive eye contact> and it's up to us to seize life by the horns and thrust ourselves into the adventure of it

I think this would have much better paced her reality and then reframed it as an opportunity. Or at least it would have been much better than what I did at least and I may have learned a different lesson.

---

Overall, I'm pretty happy with how the day turned out. 4 pretty decent approaches, and getting over the fear of Sunday's terrible excursion. I'm continuing to learn and apply new ideas, so I do feel that it's only a matter of time before things start to click, and I start to see better results. As long as I keep pushing and working intelligently, there's no reason I can't achieve what I want.

 

[Kvothe]

Only 1 approach today, but it was much smoother than past ones.

The conversation flowed a lot better than previous, and I was able to navigate into some SOTs better than before. I talked about how the warm weather makes people more open minded, and open to connection, and then went deeper into the different types of connections that people make in the city. I need to go deeper to the point where I bring up chemistry, and my presence is still not very sexual. I also probably sped through topics too fast, thus draining reservoirs of seductive content that could have been discussed with her.

What was nice was that the girl was super warm and friendly to me, which was a fun experience. Unfortunately, she had a boyfriend.

Spoiler

Me: It's really interesting to talk with you... we should continue this conversation over drinks soon.
Her: Oh, I actually have a boyfriend
Me: Oh... (I remember Gun's line) That's perfect, he can make us breakfast in bed (I'm still wearing a mask so my face can't be seen)
Her: (Visibly taken aback) Oh, I'm not that kind of person, sir (first time she used the word sir towards me).
Me: Haha, I'm just joking around with you.
Her: Oh, okay
Me: Anyway, have fun at your class, it was really great talking with you.
Her: Yeah, thanks for the fun stroll!

I talked with someone and while I think the boyfriend response here would be good in nightgame, it might be a little to arrogant/cocky (increases sexual tension while taking out social frame and emotional stimulation). A different option suggested to me was

Spoiler

Her: Oh, I actually have a boyfriend.
Me: (with a sly smile) That's perfect, so you're not married.

Other good notes for the approach were lack of hesitation, and following the directions specified here. This caused the approach to be much better received, so I'm excited to keep trying it.

After that I walked around more, and had a few approach opportunities I missed due to hesitation. I need to continue improving that, but it's good to seem some improvement over time. But the lack of faster paced improvement is getting me down a little.

Edit to above-it's kind of hard to be justifiably annoyed to not having results when I haven't been putting in the effort that's required. It's been two months and I've only approached 30 girls. Definitely terrible for learning fast. Upping that is high priority.

 

[Skjöldr]

"That's perfect he can make us breakfast in bed"
Fun line. Does it work? It's amusing, but does it turn around her objection?

 

[Kvothe]

@Phoenix

No idea haha. I know Gunwitch has done it, but my sample size is 1.

I assume the follow through is what matters the most though. I also think the environment matters. So daygame on the street that was probably way too strong.

Some other ideas I have are following it up by asking how long the girl has been dating for, and trying to reframe going out with yourself as the best move forward.

 

[Skjöldr]

@Phoenix

No idea haha. I know Gunwitch has done it, but my sample size is 1.

I assume the follow through is what matters the most though. I also think the environment matters. So daygame on the street that was probably way too strong.

Some other ideas I have are following it up by asking how long the girl has been dating for, and trying to reframe going out with yourself as the best move forward.

@Tony D uses the "How's that working for you?" which i'm gonna field test. I have also used "Ahh and are you deeply in love with eachother? *wink wink*" because it sets high expectations for their relationship. She might be so and so about it and if i ask if she's deeply in love and she thinks "hmm wait i actually am not" it allows me to proceed. Sometimes i tease girls "ahh you hesitated!" and i go "Come on girl, you need to be in a fantastic love story, not so and so, life's too short for that"

 

[Kvothe]

I like Tony's, it feels less cocky/funny, which is a good thing. And then the framing you suggest after is also quite solid. I'll be trying that as well.

 

[Kvothe]

Had a really great interaction today with a very gorgeous spanish girl. It was interesting because she didn't speak much english, so I was switching between my old spanish and english. But the girl was quite warm to me, and got quite close to me while talking.

I was dressed in my usual outfit. Dark blue jeans on black chelseas, with a pink shirt/mask and an edgy canvas jacket.

---

#1 Dominicana

I see this girl standing outside a store. She's dressed in a tropical dress that exposes her midriff, and some ample cleavage. I can see that she also has an amazing butt. I went past where she stood, and into a corner which was covered, then walked out and pretended to exit. I went on my phone, and stood next to her, right as she turned to walk. I then proceeded to follow, and walked past her, giving enough time to be sure that she had seen me first. Then I turned over my shoulder, and opened.

Spoiler

Me: Have you ever noticed... when you're walking around the city... that if you're really present, you can learn a lot of things about yourself?
Her: Sorry, I don't understand english very well.
Me: Oh, that's okay. I was just saying how I learned some interesting things... Like have you noticed how fast the weather changed recently?
Her: Yeah?
Me: It's made me realize some things about myself. Like how when it's warm, I feel more open, warm, and outgoing. And when it's colder... I just want to go inside and hang out with close friends.
Her: I'm not sure... Maybe?
Me: Mhmm... Are you Spanish?
Her: Yeah! I am.
Me: Haha, I actually speak some spanish <start speaking some spanish>
Her: <more excitedly speaks spanish/english back>

At this point we're standing fairly close to each other. I'm giving strong eye contact, and my voice is great. She's hooked. But she's lost on her way to the Apple Store, so I decide to help her find the way. We walk side by side, and she asks me questions about myself, where I'm from, and I try to get her talking more about traveling a little bit, and how COVID has impacted our ability to travel. I wanted to bring up the traveling gambit, but the lack of communication ability made that a little difficult.

It was still really exciting. The conversation felt better, the chemistry was more palpable. There was strong sexual tension (at least that I felt).

I was fairly proud of how I set up the date, mostly because of my own persistence.

Spoiler

Me: You're quite interesting to talk to. We should grab a drink sometime this week.
Her: I actually don't like drinks (the way she spoke it was unclear if she was rejecting me, or the drinks)
Me: Oh, are you not a fan of drinks?
Her: Yeah
Me: Well... how about we grab a cafe then?
Her: <Smiles> yeah, okay.

 

[Beam]

@Tony D uses the "How's that working for you?" which i'm gonna field test. I have also used "Ahh and are you deeply in love with eachother? *wink wink*" because it sets high expectations for their relationship. She might be so and so about it and if i ask if she's deeply in love and she thinks "hmm wait i actually am not" it allows me to proceed. Sometimes i tease girls "ahh you hesitated!" and i go "Come on girl, you need to be in a fantastic love story, not so and so, life's too short for that"

How do they usually respond to this?

 

[Skjöldr]

How do they usually respond to this?

Honestly i haven't had success with laying a taken girl yet. There's one i had 2 dates with and failed escalated on twice back at my place because she insisted she wanna end it/work it out with her dude first. Then there's a pretty hot girl who's still on the radar but maybe she doesn't know my intentions, i'm working on setting up the second meet.

 

[Kvothe]

As they say, failure to prepare presages failure of execution. I'm extremely annoyed with myself for a lack of good preparation before going out into the field. I forgot most of the elements of my compass on the first approach I did, which happened to be the one that was on a girl who was from out of town, and had no plans for the evening. I, having come immediately from my tech job, was in a terrible mind-space to be able to converse, and as a result my verbals were awkward, uninspired, and boring. Because we were walking the same way, I think she humored me for a bit, but it teaches yet another important lesson.

Future steps will be to read through my note sheet to make sure I keep the topics I want to be able to move towards in my head. At least reading once before going out will allow me to refresh the model in my head and help ease the switch from my more logic-oriented professional mind, to the more free-flowing creative one.

The positives are that I hit my goal number for approaches, and completed 3 opens. I took a cold shower, and completed the TRE exercises today’s that I had planned. Though there were no changes in intensity of the exercises, I feel worse today after doing them than I have in the past.

---

#1 Should have been sleepless outside of Seattle

I see this girl walking towards me, and I pretend to go on my phone and pause a little off center in the plaza (I think I'm getting better appearing engrossed in my own world, while using peripherals to keep track of other objects).

She walks past me, and I turn and we reach a cross walk. I stop a little ahead of her, and then turn, beginning to speak as I talk, and find eye contact easily. I don't know whether I'm succeeding in having girls notice me first, as I feel that I have to start speaking before a girl makes eye contact with me, as opposed to what Bacchus wrote here

To avoid repeating these mistakes and get more responses to your ice-breakers, you'll need to scrap walking up to girls in motion to use direct openers. Instead walk past them for a few brief moments. . . so they can catch a glimpse of your sexy walk and fashionable clothing of choice. Then look behind you. . . she'll notice your turn since she's already given her attention to you. . . and you'll be looking right in her eyes. She'll think she saw you first.

Whether it's my walk, or fashion, both of which I think are decent (though dunning-kruger could always be playing a role), something needs to be fixed to achieve the results listed above.

Anyway, I open using a new opener I made up, that incorporates some other material others have written. I'm trying to get more of my personal unique perspective in the mix.

Spoiler

Me: I've noticed something fascinating recently... Have you ever noticed, when you're walking through the city... in a rush... that when you stop and become present... you can learn interesting things about yourself?
Her: That's a... really interesting observation
Me: Yeah, like for me, you saw how the weather has been very mercurial recently
Her: Actually, I'm just visiting the city for the week
Me: Oh, where are you from?
Her: I'm from Seattle, I'm here for work
Me: Oh nice, I'm not a huge fan of Seattle, too much rain

So here, the issue is that I should have transitioned to the culture shock gambit. Talking about how traveling gives the ability to explore new cultures and perspectives, and how the people are different, even with the US. Going into how in Seattle, people are more close knit, but here in the city, people are open-minded, more extroverted. I could then talk about how the city used to be up late pre-pandemic, with parties and late night adventures regularly going on until 4 or 5AM. Then transition that into more sexual topics on judgement free people and the experiences of meeting new people and chemistry when going out.

The rest of the interaction after that point was mostly me repeating similar things, in more and more asinine ways each time.

---

The other two approaches I did were not that good. One was a girl who had a boyfriend and promptly rejected me. It happens. Second one, the girl just was not comfortable. It was a moving approach, so that's more on my presence and inability to have the girl notice me as I walk by and think I'm attractive.

 

[Kvothe]

Thanks for advice Bacchus. Will implement it.

It's because your feelings aren't as accurate as what I teach.

Got it. I'd been assuming it was still happening even if I couldn't explicitly feel it. Will continue doing so.

This is the Dunning-Kruger right here. . . leave your unique perspective behind until you are consciously competent when following my advice.

Ok. Will remove things that I'm trying to make up until I can consciously be competent on the advice you've written.

 

[Kvothe]

A more exciting update today. It was warm, humid, and opportunity was in the air. It was the kind of weather I love the most. I couldn't focus on work towards the end of the day out of a desire to go out and meet some women. Before leaving I performed some COTN (Code of the Natural) exercises. I don't know if it was that, the TRE sessions I've been doing, starting Riker's course, or re-reading some of the other indirect people's journals, but everything flowed much smoother today.

The biggest change was switching to more of an interest bait sort of open. I should have switched to it earlier. I found the results far exceeding satisfactory. I can fully envision a version of myself that is capable of communicating with women in a way that is natural, evocative, and sexual. Intelligent, deliberate practice is all I need to take me there.

I approached about 6 girls, though only 2 of the approaches were what I would consider, truly amazing (relatively speaking).

I was dressed in my white linen shirt, beard freshly trimmed, on dark blue jeans with chelsea boots. NYC's has removed the outdoor mask requirement for vaccinated folks, so it was the first time I went out without it. It was freeing.

---

#1 Comedian

I start walking and notice a girl walking towards the street I'm on. I post up and pretend to gaze at my phone intently, waiting for her to pass by, and then I follow to a crosswalk. I hear her giving quick directions to someone else, and wait until that finishes, plus a few extra seconds.

Spoiler

Me: Hey, I've noticed something very interesting.
Her: Oh?
Me: Would you consider yourself an open-minded person?
Her: I think so
Me: Cool, have you ever noticed... on days like this, where it's warm and sunny... that you feel more adventurous and spontaneous in life?
Her: A little bit, yeah
Me: Nice, I'm glad it's not just me. It's interesting because I see so many people walking around and they're glued to their phones... to the point they miss out on the beauty
Her: Definitely
Me: Like, you strike me as the kind of girl that doesn't like to be cooped up indoors for long periods of time... though on occasion you may like the change of pace
Her: Definitely, I'm a dog. I need at least 3 walks a day.
Me: 3 walks a day huh?
Her: <slight embarrassed smile/blush> Yeah haha
Me: That's interesting, are you able to get that with your current lifestyle
Her: Yeah, I take a break and go for a walk in the morning

So already we see some much better opening sequence than previously listed in this journal. I think there's a lot to be said by drawing out the opener to be more intriguing, and to not give away everything at once. I do think some improvements here would have been to go more into the experience of going for a walk, and how it grounds you and makes you more present in the moment. That it's a moment of independence and freedom from the monotony of the day.

Spoiler

Her: I moved here from SF a few months ago
Me: No way, I'm from the bay myself. Have you noticed how the people here are different from in the Bay? Like the people here seem... more open-minded, less judgemental, and less cliquey
Her: Definitely, the people here are super nice
Me: Yeah, I've found New Yorkers are quite pleasant, though their reputation arises from the fact that they're always... in a rush
Her: 100%. What do you do? Are you in tech?
Me: Yeah, I am... Why don't you try and guess?
Her: <Guesses some companies>
Me: Haha, no, I'm not at either of those. Do I look like the type?
Her: Yeah haha, but I'm actually at X company myself
Me: Interesting, I know that office, I used to be around there

Oof, not exciting conversation follow up here. I should have moved from talking about New Yorkers into discussing more about meeting people in general, and the stuff about that.

Spoiler

Her: I'm actually in a little rush to go to my open mic
Me: No worries, I'm actually stopping to pick up laundry right up ahead. But you're very interesting, we should try and continue this conversation another time.
Her: Yeah, do you want my number
Me: Sure

Let's see how that goes. But overall, I'm very enthused at how well the girl hooked and how it went. Still need to work on sexual presence, as that felt missing here.

---

#2 NYU Journalism

I'm walking around, and pass a girl in a tight-fitting black dress. Her eyes draw me, though I avoid looking in her direction. I turn around after passing her, and walk past. I then look over my shoulder and deliver my opener. She stops dead in her tracks, and is fully focused on me.

Spoiler

Me: Hey, I've noticed something really interesting recently
Her: Mhmm?
Me: Do you consider yourself an open-minded person?
Her: I guess
Me: Have you ever noticed, on days like this... when it's warm again, and the sun is almost intoxicating... that you just feel more adventurous and open to life?
Her: A little bit, I guess
Me: Like, you strike me as the type of girl who doesn't really like to be cooped up indoors for too long... After a while of that, you probably want to venture out into the world, have adventures... and make new connections
Her: Mhmm
Me: What do you think?
Her: Yeah, I think that's kind of true

She's not giving me much to work with in terms of returning pieces of the conversation. But her eyes are absurdly expressive, and they have the doggy-dinner bowl look to them. She's riveted on my, fully turned towards me, all attention on my.

Spoiler

Me: What are you up to right now?
Her: I'm actually just checking out apartments. I'm looking for a new place
Me: How has that been? Have most of the people showing you places been creepy weirdos, or more chill folk?
Her: A little bit of a mix haha
Me: Yeah, that's how it can be

And just there, I miss a great opportunity to expand and talk about the different type of people you can meet in life. The different kind of conversations to be had. The joys of immediate, deep connection, and the slow simmering to boiling of passion, unbridled.

Spoiler

Me: When's the next apartment check?
Her: It's actually in like 10 minutes
Me: Ah okay, I was going to suggest we go grab a coffee over there, it's quite nice. But what do you say we continue this conversation another time instead?
Her: Um, I'm actually pretty busy
Me: Hmm, well why don't we trade numbers, and we can figure out a time when we're free, without any pressure or anything
Her: I, um, well, I actually have a boyfriend
Me: How's that going?
Her: It's good. We've been together for about a year
Me: Ah okay, well, I respect that. It was really nice to talk to you.

Oof. Multiple things here. I think the number grab failed due to some of the mistakes I pointed out above. I think had I focused on moving towards SOTs instead of less interesting topics, it would have been much better. I'm slightly sad, as this girl's eyes made me feel something deep down. It's difficult to describe, but I could tell she was experiencing some strong emotions right then.

---

After the above two, the rest of the approaches I had were less exciting. They were still much better and had a better response than previous days, but I think the lessons are fairly similar. I'm going to continue doing Riker's course, along with trying to do the COTN exercises as I can. TRE will be twice a week. I'm excited. Things feel like they're picking up, and I expect only improvements moving forward (though I expect a winding road of occasional shitty days/weeks).

 

[Kvothe]

Let's start off with the good stuff for the day.

I've been continuing with TRE (2x / week), and have started more consistently doing COTN exercises. The changes to my body language are already visible. I'm noticing more girls noticing me, and feeling my body far more relaxed while moving. This is great to see, and I'm sure will continue to improve as I continue onwards with this.

I also completed the first set of exercises in Riker's workbook. I'm continuing to focus on speaking from my chest, and hope to continue to see improvements to my voice quality.

Now the negatives from today. Approach anxiety is still an issue. Today, that materialized in the form of lack of positive facial expressions. As a result my approaches mostly fell short. I felt that I was coming across too serious and low energy, resulting in overall bad results on the day. When I feel happier, I'm warmer, and approaches are more likely to hook.

Now back to the good. I had one long approach (~30-45 minutes), which is the longest approach I've had so far. It was also super interesting due to the addition of a wildcard in the form of the girl's friend joining and me having to deal with that. For the most part, I did, and the friend seemed to approve of me, to the point where there girl I was going for asked for my number, and suggested that we'd see each other soon. Unfortunately, I think I was missing sexual stimulation, though I had the other two keys pretty solid.

---

#1 KBG

I'm walking through the park, and I see this girl sitting on a bench. The spot next to her is open. I head that direction, and walk while looking at my phone. Staring at my phone, I sit down, without a glance at the girl. I increase my awareness radius, and I see her glance my way at least once. I should have turned toward her the first time she looked at me, that way it would have been more of her looking at me first. But I waited. AA was not good today, but at least I was able to make the approach eventually.

Spoiler

Me: Hey... I have something important to tell you
KBG: <Turns to me> Yeah?
Me: I'm very jealous of your choice in sitting location...
KBG: This spot?
Me: Yeah...?
KBG: <Smiling> The spot right next to your spot?
Me: Yeah. Both of these spots are nice, with the sound of music throughout the park, though I think yours gets more sun
KBG: More sun? I think the shade spot is better though?
Me: I personally love the sun, I think there's just something about the warmth that makes people feel more spontaneous and adventurous... don't you agree?
KBG: Yeah, and it's such a beautiful day. Where are you from?
Me: <About to answer> Why don't you guess?
KBG: No no, I'm bad at guessing
Me: I'll give you 3 hints
KBG: Um <gives 3 wrong guesses>
Me: Haha, I'm actually from X
Me: You have an interesting accent, where are you from?
KBG: I'm from Korea
Me: Very cool... Seoul?
KBG: Basically. I lived there for 10 years, but am around somewhere near there originally
Me: How does it compare to here?
KBG: It's good, I really like it here

So that was the beginning part. There was a little more fluff, but then I started trying to navigate towards more SOT subjects using the golden question. We talk a little bit about what we do for work, and she asks for my name and we trade that basic info.

Spoiler

Me: So what do you do? You look like you do something creative, maybe art or journalism?
Her: I'm a nurse actually. But I try to be creative a lot
Me: That's awesome, you strike me as a social person, someone who doesn't like to be cooped up for too long periods of time.
Her: Yeah, I am. But I actually really like helping people. I get a lot of fulfillment from helping others.

From the above, I definitely think that she's a submissive and service oriented type. I only realize this now, not in the moment. But that should have informed how I behaved so that I would have behaved more as an authority figure. I do well in emotional stimulation and social frame, but sexuality was the key I have the hardest time with. My voice was good though.

Spoiler

Me: If I were to ask you, what you liked to do besides eating, sleeping, and working... what would you say?
KBG: I like music
Me: Interesting, is it the feeling of being in the present while playing the instrument... and the intensity of the feeling as you create music?
KBG: Yeah, I mean I like listening to music, and I have a eclectic taste
Me: Oh that's interesting. For me, I've recently been listening to more humorous music, more than music that's transcendental or divine
KBG: Oh, really? <confused>

A little bit of jumping the gun here. I should have clarified I understood what she meant when she said she liked music. Instead I didn't do as well there. We continue this thread for a bit, until the girl sees her friend coming back, at which point I start working on the friend to make sure she accepts me.

Spoiler

Friend: Making new friends?
Me: Yeah, new friends <smiles warmly>. I'm Kvothe
Friend: <says name>
Me: Cool to meet you, I was just talking with KBG, and I was telling her how much I liked this spot she had sat down in
KBG: Yeah, he was saying he was jealous of the spot right next to him <smiling>
Me: Yeah, I'm just a big fan of the sun. Something about being warm just makes you feel more open and warm.
Friend: Nice

So I start off talking to the friend just being friendly and easing it in. The friend definitely strikes me as the mother hen of the squad. So I mostly focus on talking through SOTs, while focusing sexual energy on KBG, and focusing warmth and friendliness to the friend.

Spoiler

Friend: So are you on any dating apps?
Me: I actually deleted them a while ago.
Friend: Oh really?
Me: Yeah, I found them... quite superficial.
Friend: Yeah definitely.
Me: Like think about it, for one, when you're just swiping, the other person is just caring about your looks. When you meet someone, don't you want to be attracted to them... and for them to be attracted to you... for you?
Friend: Yeah, definitely. That's amazingly said. So how do you usually meet people? You start talking to cute girls at the park <she hugs her friend as she says this>
Me: <with a smile, and talking more to KBG> Yeah, you never know what kind of person you'll meet when you say hi. With some people that connection is immediate, and you discover that attraction over time.
Friend: Yeah
Me: Other times connection is immediate... and you feel like you've known each other forever
Friend: True
Me: And as that connection grows, you feel the sparks of something more passionate arise... chemistry

So that was a really cool bit I went through. I think had I been alone with KBG, I could have transitioned more into slutshaming and other liberation frames, but with the friend there, I didn't want to risk a much more risque topic.

At some point, KBG reaches over and asks for my number. She gets it from me, while her friend makes no comment, and also seems to approve of me. She texts me immediately while we're still talking. Eventually the two of them leave, though KBG had made a comment that she had no plans for the rest of the day. I don't know if she wanted me to make plans then and there, but maybe I should have suggested that. I just didn't know a way to get that to work while the friend was still there.

Anyway, I respond back and get a reply to the text immediately. Because the friend was there, I didn't set up any plans in person, so I'm not sure how to move forward, but I'll probably ask her to grab a drink sometime later this week.

 

[Kvothe]

Sadly a rainy day today. So more focusing on nonverbals with TRE and COTN stretches. Plus listening to Riker. I went through the section on pacing and voice. I've noticed more of my voice coming from my chest, and have started to pay more attention to the pace of my conversation. I think I'm more likely to talk too slowly/blandly than I am to talk quickly. Adding better tonality to my voice is something to focus on in my conversations.

Yesterday I approached 3 girls. I'm finding it difficult to maintain positivity between approaches. Part of this is that I'm coming across as nervous when I'm approaching. And by approaching girls on the street I'm inevitably playing a much more difficult game, one that is much more prone to feel like banging your head against a wall. I'm trying to focus more on approaching stationary girls in parks, though finding lone girls is proving difficult.

One exciting development is that I have a date lined up for Wednesday. It should be interesting as the girl doesn't speak much english, so we'll see how it goes.

---

#1 Quick Hello

Was walking down the street, enjoying the feeling of being very loose and nonverbally dominant. I was wearing a white linen shirt and dark blue jeans. She was dressed in a tight fitting green spagetti strap and daisy dukes.

I walk past her, and we make brief eye contact. Making eye contact here is a mistake, need to be better about using peripherals. Anyway, I turn around, and catch up with her at a crosswalk. Walk in front of her, and pause, staring forward without movement, but relaxed, for some number of seconds. I think she looked at me initially, which would probably have been the better time to open, instead of waiting. More reactive to her looking at me.

Spoiler

Me: Hey, I've noticed something really interesting...
Her: What?
Me: Do you consider yourself an open-minded person? (I should say, "would you consider...")
Her: I guess...
Me: Have you ever noticed... how on days like this, when it's so nice and warm out... that you feel more adventurous and spontaneous?
Her: Yeah! Except when you have plans you need to do (we start crossing the street)
Me: I totally get that. It's why I like to take some time to make time to just relax and have nothing planned... To go outside and enjoy the weather (My pacing here was too slow-it probably sounded confused/trying to think too much/not relaxed)
Her: Nice... Well, enjoy your free day!
Me: Oh... yeah, you too

I think main thing here was missing the immersion. I should have done a rainbow ruse after her first statement about having plans that need to be done. Something like:

Her: Yeah! Except when you have plans you need to do
Me: I totally get that. You know, it's interesting, you seem like the type of girl who loves to have laid back days where you can be spontaneous... but often find yourself sidetracked by your responsibilities... It probably makes those spur-of-the-moment decisions even more exciting...

Although, she did seem in a rush, so maybe it was lost to begin.

---

#2 Park Bench Girl

Saw this girl walking by wearing a cute flowery-blue sundress. I walk behind, and notice her sit down to eat food. I come close, staring at my phone, and sit next to her. I actually try opening her a couple of times, and she doesn't notice. I need to talk louder clearly. A symptom of my lack of presence/vibe.

---

#3 Other Bench Girl

I see this girl as I enter the park. But I'm much less subtle than I should have been. I was not glamorous, with my head not still, and eyes/head gazing around. So I think the girl I spotted noticed me. But I see her and then try to take a seat while focusing on my phone. In my peripherals I notice her look at me as I sit down. Another moment I should have opened but didn't. I try opening her, and again the girl doesn't notice. I have to speak louder. I had another moment when there was a loud bird chirping behind us. I moved too fast though. I should have turned more deliberately. When I turned, the girl turned with me, so I think she was paying attention to me. But again, I didn't open.

I need to take action more decisively.

---

Last update is that I've been tracking my approaches in terms of how many I'm doing. While I think that's a good metric to keep track of, I think it masks the more important goal that I should be having. I need to aim for more high-quality approaches. Continuing to approach with failure to hook is a recipe for burnout. So modifying the goal to focus on quality will move my goalposts to something that is better aligned to sex.

 

[Kvothe]

Date today had to be canceled. Interestingly, the girl has a son. However, she is still undeniably attractive, with a killer figure. She's still giving a good amount of investment, so hopefully will be able to make things happen there.

Yesterday, I continued on my goal of more calibrated approaching. I need to continue focusing on that. I don't think it makes as much sense to document the full conversations, as they weren't as useful.

The interesting tidbits, are that I tried out the "Do you know exactly who you look like?" opener, and saw the girl I opened immediately stop. I need to talk louder though, as I could tell even in my own head that I was speaking too softly.

The second girl, I think I should have just kept talking. I opened her, but she wasn't returning much to the conversation, though she found the park-related insights I was making very interesting. A transition into the golden question, or by shifting from the topic of adventure to what she would do if she won the lottery and won a million dollars would be solid transitions to get her to commit more to the conversation.

 

[Kvothe]

One approach today. Performed my usual COTN exercises before heading out.

Goals for Outing

• Use the Golden Question ("If I were to ask you what you enjoyed doing besides sleeping, eating, and working/classes, what would you say?"
• Focus on the quality of the approach instead of the number of approaches
• Focus on the energy and enthusiasm while speaking (as per Riker)

Throughout the day I've been working on #3 and improving the enthusiasm in my voice. In the past, my MO has been extremely monotonous, and dry. Fixing it to be more varying and interesting will take time, though with conscious effort, I see some immediate changes.

The only approach today was on a girl sitting on a bench at the park. I couldn't find a good walking set along the way, so was only able to do one approach.

I wore my usual outfit, dark blue jeans, black chelseas, gray canvas jacket, on a reddish-orange v-neck. Black bracelet on one hand.

---

#1

I see this girl sitting in a corner under a shaded tree canopy. She's wearing a mask too. Across from her, people in the park are taking a free salsa class, with spanish music providing an ambiance to the mood. I approach the bench next to her, while staring at my phone. I take a seat, and continue to browse. At the point, the music has been off while the instructor teaches some moves. I decide to wait for a bit longer than usual, until the music resumes, before opening more situationally.

Spoiler

Me: Hey, I've noticed something interesting...
Her: Yeah?
Me: Have you ever danced salsa?
Her: No, I haven't
Me: I was just watching these guys over there <points at salsa dancers> and I was thinking how impressive it was to dance in the middle of the park, without a care of who all are watching
Her: Yeah, it's really amazing. I don't think I could do that.
Me: No? It is a really great experience... it lets you feel really present in the moment, without a care in the world
Her: Yeah
Me: Well, if I were to ask you... what you enjoyed doing besides work, sleeping, and eating... what would you say?
Her: Instruments
Me: <I mishear her> Data manipulations?
Her: No, no. Like musical instruments
Me: Ah okay... are you a string instrument player, or more a wind type of girl?
Her: I'm a little varied. I play the guitar and the drums
Me: Nice, what is it you like about playing? Is it the feel of being present and creating something new? Or the almost meditative act of playing?
Her: Yeah, definitely. I was actually in a few bands... What about you? What do you like to do?
Me: Me? I like a lot of things... I enjoy trying to be creative, as I feel my day-to-day doesn't offer me much chance to be creative. Do you get a lot of opportunities to be creative in your day-to-day?
Her: No, not really. I'm still at school actually. What do you do?
Me: <Pauses> What do I look like I do?
Her: Um, I don't know!
Me: It's all right, I'll give you three guesses
Her: Do you work at a bank?
Me: No, not even close haha
Her: Hmmm, I don't know
Me: I work in tech
Her: Oh, so when I said I do data manipulation...
Me: I was super sad... I meet so many people who work in tech, that meeting people who aren't like that is really exciting... Like have you ever noticed... how the best way to get to know yourself... is by meeting new people?
Her: Oh yeah, definitely, I'm a psychology major <she takes off her mask at this point and I get a look at her face. I'm not very happy with what I see, but so far the practice is good, so I continue for a bit longer before letting the conversation die off>.
Me: Oh nice, so you must really enjoy reading people
Her: Yeah, but my friends don't let me anymore haha
Me: That's super cool
Her: You know, you should go dance up there
Me: I think I'll have to pass today haha, it's just not the right day for it

I eventually let the conversation die off, and the girl eventually gets up and goes to meet her cousin. She says bye before she leaves. I don't feel as bad, since I just don't find her that attractive. But it was a great opportunity to work on my enthusiasm in my voice, and to work on basic conversation skills with a girl who hooked.

 

[Kvothe]

Having issues dealing with perfectionism and not knowing what to say. A part of me sees all the great advice given, and feels deep shame at being unable to immediately use it, exactly the way it's described. Instead I fumble, trip up, and cudgel my way through, missing moments, being awkward, and conversing without really being in the moment. I think I have to let myself relax more. I need to accept that it's okay that I don't know how a conversation is going to go ahead of time. Smiling, relaxed, present. Those are qualities that will make doing approaches, and forgiving myself for them not being perfect, possible. So the focus moving forward, is to start fucking up a lot more. To make mistakes, and to try performing things, and screw up the execution big time. Because as I mess up, I'll become more comfortable, and become better, and become more precise. The journey has no end, it's just continuously looking for the next mountain to ascend.

Only did 1 approach today. I started off by making a situational observation about the park I was in, but my follow up was bad. I talked about how the park was like a microcosm of the city as a whole, then messed up all follow up. Looking back, it would have been easy to talk about the different kinds of people in the park, and how meeting new people was the best way to get to know yourself.

Anyway, I want to write out my compasses for different situations. At the moment, I basically have 3 situations where I open girls. Grocery stores, the park, and walking down the street.

I took inspiration for these compasses through the writings of many others who I've been following. I've been finding that I'm struggling heavily with the follow up to my openers, so that's the area I've focused on. I've tried to stick with transitioning to SOTs, but if there are areas where the content I have seems obviously bad, definitely let me know.

---

Grocery Store Compass

Intrigue + RPO:

Me: Hey, how often do you get this feeling...
Her: Hmm?
Me: You walk into WholeFoods/TraderJoes/etc with the goal of getting just a single item... and then you find yourself with a completely full basket, totally unaware of how it filled up?
Her: Oh yeah, absolutely! Happens all the time to me! (No girl will realistically say no lol)

Follow Up #1:

Me: Haha, it's crazy isn't it... What's the item you usually find yourself indulging in?
Her: Oh, I always get X
Me: <Make an observation about it, or bait her into asking me the question back>
Me (baiting): Interesting choice... Finding that special item that can make your day is always such an adventure
Her: Yeah... What about you?

Follow Up #2

Me: It seems like you're getting X item... I love it for the Y emotion it brings up (nostalgia, adventure, etc)... It reminds me of Z moment

SOT #1

Me: Me? I like to browse food options... that remind me of somewhere exotic... It can almost let you feel like you're visiting the place yourself
Her: Totally
Me: Let's say you won the lottery, and could go anywhere you want... Where would you go?

And transition to the tourist gambit

SOT #2

Me: Me? I met this girl recently, and she turned me on to this X food... I never knew I'd like it so much... Have you ever noticed how the best way to get to know yourself... is through meeting other people?

---

Park Compass

Opener (taken from here)

Me: Hey, I have something important to tell you... I really like your choice in <activity> spot... While there are a good number of decent spots in this park... what I like about your choice... is that perfect view of the majestic looking <landmark>. The almost intoxicating feeling of warmth from the sun on your arms... and this cool breeze past your face
Her: I never thought of it that way... that's a great way of looking at things

Follow Up #1

Me: I really like the vibe of this park... Each corner feels like a microcosm of a different part of the city... Like this corner is quiet, and calm, like the more suburby parts of Manhattan... In the center is bustling, busy, and energetic
Her: Totally

Follow Up #2

Me: Have you ever noticed how much different the park is now... from earlier in the day? During the day, the park is empty and quiet. Now it's bustling, with an exciting energy permeating the air... I can understand why someone would come here to take a moment... to rest and alleviate their mind... perhaps like we are right now

SOT #1

Me: I love people watching... Have you ever noticed how the best way to get to know yourself... is by meeting new people?

SOT #2

Me: Taking some time for yourself... To take a breath... or read... or do some work... Being in a place like this really helps you recenter yourself and get to a spot where you trust yourself to achieve whatever you want

---

Walking down the Street

If wearing a mask:

Follow steps outlined here

If not wearing a mask:

Me: Do you know EXACTLY who you look like?
Her: Who?
Me: Actually, I'm not sure if I should tell you... Some girls get offended by that sort of stuff
Her: Come on, tell me
Me: Fine, promise not to get mad at me (said with a sly smile)
Her: Fine

Follow Up #1

Me: You actually look exactly like my ex-girlfriend... but you have a different energy behind your eyes

Follow Up #2

Me: You actually look like <X celebrity> in <X role>...
Her: Really, that's interesting

Hooking:

Me: You seem to have a different energy though, you're not originally from here?
Her: Yes/No

If yes

Me: Ah, ok. I didn’t think you were from around here because you seem to have an enthusiasm and energy as you go about your everyday shopping and all, you know, like you aren’t a zombie, you’re really paying attention to things and people, someone who was bored with a place wouldn’t do that. I bet you like to travel a lot, but then when you get home afterward, you’re glad to relax and not have to be so distracted by all the new sights and sounds. Does that make sense?

If no

Me: I thought so, because you seem really at peace with your surroundings, almost like as you go about reading your book the whole park could be your bedroom, but of course, you also pay attention to the people who come in and out of view. I bet you are someone who can multitask when you have to, but you prefer to put all your focus on one thing at a time until it’s finished. Does that make sense?

A lá https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-tell-girl-get-her-interested-you

---

While the beginning of this entry was more dour, I do genuinely feel on the edge of the precipice. So close to breaking the bounds of this sticking point that will allow me to start hooking girls with ease and unleash the floodgates of greater opportunity.

 

[Kvothe]

I'll skip the venting as it would be a waste of words.

I attempted three approaches, with only one actually receiving a response from the girl I approached. Positives: I tried out the first part of my grocery compass, but aspects of the approach caused it to fail and her to eject really fast. I'm also noticing increased numbers of girls looking at me as I walk, which I think is from better body language through TRE and COTN. Unfortunately, as I go out and about, and start feeling frustrated, I lose a lot of that dominant body language, start turning my head around more and scanning. I need to get better about that state control otherwise I lose a lot of great body language benefits.

Other two approaches the girl didn't hear me. Not really sure how to deal with this. Do I just go louder? I suppose I'll have to.

---

#3

Last approach was at the grocery store. The conversation went almost exactly as I predicted in the previous entry I made. But she seemed jumpy as if she had expected my approach and was annoyed by it.

Couple of issues with the approach. I don't think I spent enough time in the girl's awareness radius, so my opener was unexpected. Additionally, while attempting to enter her awareness radius, my feet and body were pointed directly at the girl. I noticed this midway and altered my position before opening, but I think at that point the damage may have been done. I think I also should have started the opener while not looking at her. I should have gone "Hey, have you ever had that feeling <slowly turn head over>", instead of looking over my shoulder and beginning like that.

---

As I mentioned yesterday, I need to internalize the practice mindset. I need to let myself truly believe each approach is just for practice, which will simultaneously relax my approaches, and help me approach more. I also need to fix my mindset. I find myself more scared at what more skilled seducers will think of my terrible approaches, rather than thinking on how the girl and I will make a unique connection and enjoy a mutual journey of exploration. My reward circuitry is completely wrong, and I need to police my thoughts better to get myself to only feel validated by my own real successes, rather than abstract, imaginary validations of being praised by others. A bad habit that should have been avoided that will now have to be deprogrammed.

 

[Lobo]

My reward circuitry is completely wrong, and I need to police my thoughts better to get myself to only feel validated by my own real successes, rather than abstract, imaginary validations of being praised by others.

Now that you mention this... I've internalized it and I feel like a part of me was developing this bad habit. The reason these bad habits can creep up on us so easily and quickly is that most of the time we don't think of the "why" behind what it is we're doing...

The other day I was with friends and I caught myself developing a bad habit where mid-speaking, I'll stutter to try to change a word mid-flow. I realized that I was doing this because I was so focused on getting the perfect message or representation of myself to my friends... or in other words... I cared too much about what they thought of me... a really bad habit.

I've been questioning myself a lot more since then, and it has definitely helped me catch myself before I fall into a bad habit.

A few times, I won't feel 100% confident... there will be some uneasiness or stiffness in my body which is shown through less than perfect posture or my sub-coms. This uneasiness, especially when interacting with others, causes me to qualify at times. When questioning why I do this, I realized that I wasn't entirely confident/congruent with the person I was presenting myself as... and that confidence to me really means just being able to maintain my calm state. No. Matter. What.

 

[Kvothe]

Good points @Lobo, appreciate the insight. For me, it's not really my friends I worry about (though I do have trouble approaching when friends are around, as I don't feel comfortable or confident in my results to believe it would help my reputation).

---

Honestly the only entry in this is to focus on maintaining a practice mindset, and to complete every approach like it will be my last one. To force myself to believe that I am making this girl I'm talking to's life amazingly better by speaking. And until I believe that deep down, I'll have to fake it.

---

Action item wise, I think I'll start wearing a mask again when approaching girls who are wearing masks. This will better match social frame, and will be more calibrated to what's going on in the girl's life.