What happens to guys who just don't get it (results with women)?

[killerman]

So do y'all recommend that I ditch the coach's advice and go back to approaching? To be clear, those 20-30 approaches are over around 4 or 5 approach sessions. My pace was always 5 approaches per hour. After going on this number of sessions with nothing, I quit. Then the Covid 19 restrictions came along and I never went back. I was actually at a stage where I had given up with women in general before I hired the coach. Of course, when I put my money down and worked with the coach, I was doing what I was told to do. In my town, guys go 100-200 street approaches before they get a date. I can do it if y'all think that it is best for me, though.

I would come home in tears mainly because of how brutal this 'game' is. Guy wants to get married and have children. This seems to be a 'good' thing for society. Almost every woman he speaks to treats him badly. If he is on the street or in bars, the women will outright ignore him after 30 seconds or say that they have to go right after he delivers his opener, or stay just to be polite and then give a fake phone number. If he uses online dating systems, then the women will show up for the date, do their time, go home and end all interaction. A guy could make her laugh, get to know her well, give her a fun time, lead her around or all sorts of things and the outcome will be the same. The coaches have been trying to diagnose my dates from the dating systems but they haven't been able to improve my results. The women seem to be emotionally absent throughout all of this. So the guy ends up feeling terrible and questioning whether what he wants is 'good' and whether he wants it at all. That is basically how I feel about it and why I think that game is tough, and why I quit before.

My body fat is around 15% and I am keeping it there. I like lifting weights and if I go down to 10%, I will not be able to perform well. My genetics won't allow me to bench press even 225lbs if I went down to 10% bodyfat. Women don't care about the physique so why not have the physique that I want? (I know that women don't care about physique because I see that the men with girlfriends are not in great shape). I have optimized my hairstyle using an online face shape tool. I also thought carefully and opted for a clean shaven look. For clothing, I have some good pieces but I could probably add a flashy item or two such as a piece of jewelry here or there. From my view, there are scores of men in great shape, who dress well and who have good hair and facial hair who can't get anywhere with women. Just look at the average single guy. So I have concluded that doing more work on this stuff for me is a waste of time.

Regarding the interests and stuff, I don't think that this is going to work. Over the years, I've become more and more miserable because I failed with women. It leaked into all of my interests. I used to try to write blog articles, make and view art, learn musical instruments, play racquet sports and read philosophy. Now I just do the bare minimum on all of these and spend more time with video games. I wouldn't say that I enjoy stuff anymore because this stuff has gotten me so down.

Maybe if you can't perform at 10% it's because you're hungry all the time. Try filling up on low calorie foods like vegetables, lots of kale, broccoli, asparagus, radish, spinach, stuff like that. Low calorie but they'll fill you up. And don't forget to keep your proteins high, like 1.2 grams of protein per pound of bodyweight. I'm currently cutting, just hit 14% body fat but I'm still getting stronger with my lifts. It's possible.

 

[raiden]

Maybe if you can't perform at 10% it's because you're hungry all the time. Try filling up on low calorie foods like vegetables, lots of kale, broccoli, asparagus, radish, spinach, stuff like that. Low calorie but they'll fill you up. And don't forget to keep your proteins high, like 1.2 grams of protein per pound of bodyweight. I'm currently cutting, just hit 14% body fat but I'm still getting stronger with my lifts. It's possible.

It's not about the energy but the size. I eat veggies daily. In fact I feel physically more energetic when I'm on a diet. But when I hit the weight room, I see the results. One lb lost leads to 1-1.5lb of max strength lost. Look around at the 10% bodyfat guys in your gym. Do many bench press 225lb let alone 315lb? Pushing heavy weight is important and exciting to me and so I think that I don't want to drop body fat further. Also remember that women couldn't care less about your body fat percentage or your body shape. Being in shape is like having money; it's useful in other areas but not when it comes to women. Finally, remember that, without drugs or great genetics, a 10% body fat guy is going to look skinny in clothes and a 12% body fat guy will just about look like he works out. All other things being equal, all such guys have equal chances with women because bodyfat isn't important!

 

[Calibration]

So do y'all recommend that I ditch the coach's advice and go back to approaching? To be clear, those 20-30 approaches are over around 4 or 5 approach sessions. My pace was always 5 approaches per hour. After going on this number of sessions with nothing, I quit. Then the Covid 19 restrictions came along and I never went back. I was actually at a stage where I had given up with women in general before I hired the coach. Of course, when I put my money down and worked with the coach, I was doing what I was told to do. In my town, guys go 100-200 street approaches before they get a date. I can do it if y'all think that it is best for me, though.

I would come home in tears mainly because of how brutal this 'game' is. Guy wants to get married and have children. This seems to be a 'good' thing for society. Almost every woman he speaks to treats him badly. If he is on the street or in bars, the women will outright ignore him after 30 seconds or say that they have to go right after he delivers his opener, or stay just to be polite and then give a fake phone number. If he uses online dating systems, then the women will show up for the date, do their time, go home and end all interaction. A guy could make her laugh, get to know her well, give her a fun time, lead her around or all sorts of things and the outcome will be the same. The coaches have been trying to diagnose my dates from the dating systems but they haven't been able to improve my results. The women seem to be emotionally absent throughout all of this. So the guy ends up feeling terrible and questioning whether what he wants is 'good' and whether he wants it at all. That is basically how I feel about it and why I think that game is tough, and why I quit before.

My body fat is around 15% and I am keeping it there. I like lifting weights and if I go down to 10%, I will not be able to perform well. My genetics won't allow me to bench press even 225lbs if I went down to 10% bodyfat. Women don't care about the physique so why not have the physique that I want? (I know that women don't care about physique because I see that the men with girlfriends are not in great shape). I have optimized my hairstyle using an online face shape tool. I also thought carefully and opted for a clean shaven look. For clothing, I have some good pieces but I could probably add a flashy item or two such as a piece of jewelry here or there. From my view, there are scores of men in great shape, who dress well and who have good hair and facial hair who can't get anywhere with women. Just look at the average single guy. So I have concluded that doing more work on this stuff for me is a waste of time.

Regarding the interests and stuff, I don't think that this is going to work. Over the years, I've become more and more miserable because I failed with women. It leaked into all of my interests. I used to try to write blog articles, make and view art, learn musical instruments, play racquet sports and read philosophy. Now I just do the bare minimum on all of these and spend more time with video games. I wouldn't say that I enjoy stuff anymore because this stuff has gotten me so down.

All I'm hearing from that long reply is "victim mentality".

My friend, as harsh as it sounds, unfortunately nobody cares about anybody regardless of how bad one's life is. Except for your parents, nobody sympathizes with you. Ok, some people may sympathize but that's the most they'll do and what do you get out of it? Nothing.

Remember that you're not special and nobody is. In 100 years, nobody even remembers any of us here. We're a tiny particle in this whole existence.

The sooner you accept this reality, you'll become more realistic in your expectations and just life in general. Have a warrior mentality.

Once you change this mindset, everything looks a lot easier and better. If I were you, the first thing I'd change is my "victim mindset". How?
- I'm not tall - But I have a good looking face
- I'm ethnic - But I'm exotic
- Me working out doesn't help me get laid - But I'm becoming healthy and look confident which makes me feel good
- My dressing doesn't help - But I like the way I look lot better than how I used to look before
- Nobody appreciates my beard - why should anybody appreciate it? I like it
- I'm not getting results - But I've only done 30 approaches. Let me complete the remaining 970 before I complain
- I want to get married and having kids - But I'm not ready for that yet. Let me first fix my mindset
- Family is good for society and nobody is helping me do that - what is the basis of this statement?
- Good looking guys also don't get laid - good, it means if I get game, I can get laid
- Girl is being rude to me - Haha, that's so "silly and cute" (Stolen from Chase). Imagine how she'd look if I'm fucking her hard or shoving my cock in her mouth?
- Girls reject me - She rejected me for one of the below reasons:

https://imgur.com/a/Rtz2SSa

It's all in your mind, how you want to create a narrative about everything that happens in your life.

All what you said maybe true but that truth isn't helping. So, I'll change the mindset that helps me.

BTW, I'm not saying I don't complain, even I have my moments but it all comes down to how soon you pick yourself up and get back on the horse.

 

[Police dog]

What about 12%? Women do care about physique. It's just not the only thing they care about. Maybe those men, had great charisma and status and it made up for lack of looks but physique/looks do matter and they will improve your chances. Period.

The difference between 10 and 12% is negligible, give even a 14% guy a pump and a good lighting and most people won’t be able to tell him apart from 10%, as long as you have visible abs, you are golden.

 

[MuST0BtA1NSkR1Lla]

So do y'all recommend that I ditch the coach's advice and go back to approaching? To be clear, those 20-30 approaches are over around 4 or 5 approach sessions. My pace was always 5 approaches per hour. After going on this number of sessions with nothing, I quit. Then the Covid 19 restrictions came along and I never went back. I was actually at a stage where I had given up with women in general before I hired the coach. Of course, when I put my money down and worked with the coach, I was doing what I was told to do. In my town, guys go 100-200 street approaches before they get a date. I can do it if y'all think that it is best for me, though.

I would come home in tears mainly because of how brutal this 'game' is. Guy wants to get married and have children. This seems to be a 'good' thing for society. Almost every woman he speaks to treats him badly. If he is on the street or in bars, the women will outright ignore him after 30 seconds or say that they have to go right after he delivers his opener, or stay just to be polite and then give a fake phone number. If he uses online dating systems, then the women will show up for the date, do their time, go home and end all interaction. A guy could make her laugh, get to know her well, give her a fun time, lead her around or all sorts of things and the outcome will be the same. The coaches have been trying to diagnose my dates from the dating systems but they haven't been able to improve my results. The women seem to be emotionally absent throughout all of this. So the guy ends up feeling terrible and questioning whether what he wants is 'good' and whether he wants it at all. That is basically how I feel about it and why I think that game is tough, and why I quit before.

My body fat is around 15% and I am keeping it there. I like lifting weights and if I go down to 10%, I will not be able to perform well. My genetics won't allow me to bench press even 225lbs if I went down to 10% bodyfat. Women don't care about the physique so why not have the physique that I want? (I know that women don't care about physique because I see that the men with girlfriends are not in great shape). I have optimized my hairstyle using an online face shape tool. I also thought carefully and opted for a clean shaven look. For clothing, I have some good pieces but I could probably add a flashy item or two such as a piece of jewelry here or there. From my view, there are scores of men in great shape, who dress well and who have good hair and facial hair who can't get anywhere with women. Just look at the average single guy. So I have concluded that doing more work on this stuff for me is a waste of time.

Regarding the interests and stuff, I don't think that this is going to work. Over the years, I've become more and more miserable because I failed with women. It leaked into all of my interests. I used to try to write blog articles, make and view art, learn musical instruments, play racquet sports and read philosophy. Now I just do the bare minimum on all of these and spend more time with video games. I wouldn't say that I enjoy stuff anymore because this stuff has gotten me so down.

Oh I misinterpreted the thread earlier my bad I thought you were complaining about having kids and getting married.

Why not instead of cold approaching you start off somewhere that already has the pre-requisite of women having to interact with the man to make your life easier?

Sign up for some local dance classes, perhaps also a similar hobby group. *[I’m told pottery classes and co-ed sports are usually quite fun]

Then once you’ve gained some semblance and confidence go back to cold approaching. I think a good distinction to keep in your mind is it’s different to be liked then it is to be loved.

Hope this helps
MuSt0

 

[Old man winter]

All I'm hearing from that long reply is "victim mentality".

This, 100%

And through aeons of evolution, women are finely tuned at sniffing it out and running for the hills.

You have received some good advice on this thread. Whether you accept it or not, is entirely up to you. But I wouldn't expect anything to work that you are unwilling to try. And when you do try it... it'll still not work at first. That's fine. When you get rejected, you have lost nothing, but gained a lesson. Keep at it. Learn. Grow.

 

[killerman]

It's not about the energy but the size. I eat veggies daily. In fact I feel physically more energetic when I'm on a diet. But when I hit the weight room, I see the results. One lb lost leads to 1-1.5lb of max strength lost. Look around at the 10% bodyfat guys in your gym. Do many bench press 225lb let alone 315lb? Pushing heavy weight is important and exciting to me and so I think that I don't want to drop body fat further. Also remember that women couldn't care less about your body fat percentage or your body shape. Being in shape is like having money; it's useful in other areas but not when it comes to women. Finally, remember that, without drugs or great genetics, a 10% body fat guy is going to look skinny in clothes and a 12% body fat guy will just about look like he works out. All other things being equal, all such guys have equal chances with women because bodyfat isn't important!

Absolute nonsense. Women do care about your body fat percentage and body shape. 5 months ago I was at 20%. Had ZERO female attention. Since cutting to 14% I've had WAY more looks and smiles from women. It's like night and day. 30 mins ago I was out and about and caught this chick looking and me and she then smiled at me in the most seductive and flirtatious way. This NEVER happened to me when I was at 20% bodyfat but since cutting to 14% I've just had this insane increase in female attention...girls looking, smiling and flirting with me in the gym and chicks looking and smiling at me on the street. And it's not just a small increase, it's like night and day difference. Sure you might not be able to lift as much in the gym being at 10% vs 19-20%, but you'll get WAY more female attention and attraction. As for "one lb lost leads to 1-15lb of max strength lost", that's not true. I'm still cutting fat, gone from 20% to 14% and I'm still getting stronger in the gym. Haven't lost any strength. If you're noticing a decline in strength it's probably because you've cut too quickly and are in too big a deficit. I like to decrease my calories by 120-150 calories, and weigh myself every Saturday, and then when my weight plateaus out and i've lost less than 0.4kg one week then I'll decrease my calories by another 120-150 calories. Slow gradual cut rather than cutting my calories by 1000 all at once. And you're maybe not keeping your proteins high enough. Aim for about 1.2 grams of protein per pound of bodyweight. fats should be around 20% of your calories and carbs around 40% but you can probably have your fats a little higher and your carbs a little lower.

 

[POB]

@raiden I think you are in a weird place right now and not thinking clearly.
No amount of rational you get from the guys here will get you to feel better.

Everything you wrote is just mental projections about what you think your self-worth is at this moment.
As the guys said, women can sniff it 1000 miles away.
If they can see this perk in you, they will probably pass.
(which is just a sympton of this bigger problem).

If I were you, maybe I would try professional help to figure out where that need to be accepted comes from.
(This is something you cannot get on a forum.)

By the way, marriage and family is not for the faint of heart...it is a shit ton of work that demands we be on our best version, and with our shit in perfect order, before we even try it (if we want it to suceed that is).

 

[killerman]

It's not about the energy but the size. I eat veggies daily. In fact I feel physically more energetic when I'm on a diet. But when I hit the weight room, I see the results. One lb lost leads to 1-1.5lb of max strength lost. Look around at the 10% bodyfat guys in your gym. Do many bench press 225lb let alone 315lb? Pushing heavy weight is important and exciting to me and so I think that I don't want to drop body fat further. Also remember that women couldn't care less about your body fat percentage or your body shape. Being in shape is like having money; it's useful in other areas but not when it comes to women. Finally, remember that, without drugs or great genetics, a 10% body fat guy is going to look skinny in clothes and a 12% body fat guy will just about look like he works out. All other things being equal, all such guys have equal chances with women because bodyfat isn't important!

What you need to do is concentrate on what you're REALLY passionate about. Get ******* obsessed with it, work on your fitness and **** everything else. Well not literally. Don't be an arsehole to people but you get the point. Focus on self improvement and your passions, that should be Number 1 in your life. Everything else comes second and if some chick rejects you your mentality will be "who cares, it's just one girl, i've still got my passions/interests and self improvement and I'm going to concentrate on those two things and eventually as I self improve and become awesome at X thing that i'm passionate about girls are going to come and want to suck my ****." When you're focused on nothing but improving yourself, excelling and developing yourself in your passions and your fitness then you can't get depressed and chicks will come eventually. When a girl rejects you you just analyse why you failed, then pick up the pieces and move on and make sure you dont repeat the same mistakes again. That's it. Passions and self improvement. Focus on those instead. Victim mentality and crying accomplishes absolutely nothing.

 

[Warped Mindless]

I’ve been skinny, I’ve been chubby, and I’ve been (and currently am) fit.

I’ve had good game throughout all of those stages. Let me tell you, bodyfat DOES matter in many ways.

Wanna play cold approach on hard mode? Be under or overweight and try to get IOIs, approach invites, and hooking. It can be done and I did it but being fit makes all that so much easier.

You also can escalate faster s d you get compliance so much easier.

Looks don’t matter nearly as much as many redpill and blackpill guys like to believe, but they matter more than what some people on here believe.

 

[StrayDog]

@raiden how are your T levels? could possibly be related to the crying fits. Of course, there are probably other psychological dynamics at play there as well, but your T could be a factor.

I can't speak for everyone here but I know for me personally when I first started learning seduction I definitely had tons of emotional highs and lows. I imagine this is fairly common for guys just starting out. Eventually, this evened out for me for a couple of reasons. For one I started getting better results, and for two I was constantly focusing on self-growth and improvement in all areas of my life.

As @POB mentioned you may want to seek professional psychological help. It seems like you are projecting a lot of your sense of self value onto the attention and affection you do or do not receive from women. While a certain degree of projection is a healthy function that compels us to connect with others, it seems that perhaps there is something deeper going on here with you. Psychosomatic practices have done wonders for me. Tapping into the central nervous system and addressing our psychological and emotional pathologies through somatic release. Also, EMDR is a great way to get deeper into our psycho-emotional reality and address underlying pathologies. Whatever modality you may go with I believe that is you are able to address these sort of psycho-emotional projections that you have around women and relationships, may start to see better results (not only that but you will probably be happier in general). Especially if you do this sort of work in tandem with thoughtful, strategic improvements to your seduction game.

In terms of technical seduction aspects of your game, it is tricky to diagnose exactly based on what you have posted on this forum, but my gut instinct tells me you are having sticking points at building tension/ sexual attraction. It seems like you have other aspects down at least fairly decently (like building comfort) but when it comes time to pull the trigger you haven't really generated enough chemistry. This is something that can easily be remedied with more experience and thoughtfully directed learning strategies. You have to take calculated risks to see if you can get different results. If you take one on the chin in the whole process you take it with pride and dignity because that's what men who go after what they want do. Even if the go to bed with a bloody nose (figuratively speaking of course, don't go getting punched in the face), they do so with a self-assured smile, because they know that they took a chance on themselves. Doesn't mean the L doesn't hurt, but the fact that they went for it is a much greater win in the big scheme of things.

That's the thing buddy, any man who has had success in any endeavor will tell you just how many L's he took along the way. The L's probably outweigh the W's in quantity, but those real victories, the big ones in the face of adversity, are priceless. A few small L's mean nothing in comparison.

But ultimately you have to address whatever is at the core of your projections here cause they are getting in your own way. You say you want a wife and kids but you don't even have a strong sense of what it means to date a woman. Like what if you discover (once you have had a bit of success) that you actually enjoy the bachelor lifestyle. Not saying that that is guaranteed to happen, you may still stay on the marriage course, but the point is you need to keep an open mind and focus on what is immediately in front of you and take things one step at a time. Make smaller goals for yourself and build from there. Like instead of meeting a wife, maybe focus on saying one thing that builds sexual tension, and even if that fails consider it a win because you accomplished your small goal.

You're over here trying to lift 300lbs when you haven't even learned proper form with 20lb. Get the reps in

 

[Chase]

@raiden,

It's around 20-30 lifetime approaches.

I would come home in tears mainly because of how brutal this 'game' is. ... The women seem to be emotionally absent throughout all of this. So the guy ends up feeling terrible and questioning whether what he wants is 'good' and whether he wants it at all. That is basically how I feel about it and why I think that game is tough, and why I quit before.

I made my first cold approaches one night in a beach town at age 18 at a couple of under-21 nightclubs.

I got a few girls to dance with me for a couple minutes at a time before they'd bounce away. The rest rejected me.

Before that night, I had this whole plan of how I was going to move to this party beach town, work any job I could to earn a living, rent a cheap-as-dirt place, and just spend every night I could at the club until I learned how to pick up girls.

One single night of a bunch of rejections was all I could take though. I ended up walking around town the whole night, crushed, feeling like a failure. I didn't make another cold approach for almost 4 years.

Anyway -- the point is if a handful of rejections sends you reeling, you're not ready for cold approach yet. There are other things you should focus on socially and mentally to prepare yourself for it (and other ways to focus on improving socially/with women first).

New article on this here:

Why Cold Approach Isn't for Social Beginners

Cold approaching women you don’t know is hard. If you lack the required social skills and mentality to make it work, you’ll burn out of it quick. On the forum, we have a thread where a member posted to ask “what happens to guys who just don’t get results with women?” At first I thought he was...

www.girlschase.com

Hope it helps.

Chase

 

[leadingbealwaysido]

@raiden
You have done 20-30 cold approaches...
Woah Man! You have work to do.

I did 25 daygame approaches last week, and I did get 10 phone numbers, and no one even showed up on a date. Also i did nightgame two nights with no results... So it happens to me too!

You got to realize that rejection is not about you, you egotistical fucker... It is you that do not meet the persons values and priorities in that moment. So the girl does not reject you, but how you presented yourself in that moment.

My intuition is that you attach your self-worth to the girls acceptance of you... Well guess what, that black hole in your heart will never be filled by a woman... And no, you cannot just throw money at it either.This is your inner emotional baggage that you need to work through. What you are doing in actuality, is delegating your self-worth and wellbeing inside of you to something outside of yourself, as long as you are doing this, life will become miseralble and unstable.

Would you be distrought if you tried to play tennis at the highest level and lost?No because you have realistic expectations and understand that it is impossible to win if you have not put 10 000+ hours into it...So attach yourself to your skillset rather than you as a human being.

At a higher spiritual level this is what the girls that are rejecting you is trying to teach you, because they know they cant help you fill the black hole you have in your heart.

The difference between you and a girl is that you actually have power to control your outcome in dating... You can work on yourself and see results. A girl is more or less stamped by her level of beauty given by genetics. So get to work lad!

And I really think you should fire all your coaches immidiatly and ask for money back! Then get some new ones from girlschase! Also you probably need to heal A LOT emotional baggage and find your life purpose, this truly was a thing that helped me skyrocket my results with women.

Best of luck to ya man! And sorry, not sorry for being brutal with you here

 

[raiden]

@raiden,




I made my first cold approaches one night in a beach town at age 18 at a couple of under-21 nightclubs.

I got a few girls to dance with me for a couple minutes at a time before they'd bounce away. The rest rejected me.

Before that night, I had this whole plan of how I was going to move to this party beach town, work any job I could to earn a living, rent a cheap-as-dirt place, and just spend every night I could at the club until I learned how to pick up girls.

One single night of a bunch of rejections was all I could take though. I ended up walking around town the whole night, crushed, feeling like a failure. I didn't make another cold approach for almost 4 years.

Anyway -- the point is if a handful of rejections sends you reeling, you're not ready for cold approach yet. There are other things you should focus on socially and mentally to prepare yourself for it (and other ways to focus on improving socially/with women first).

New article on this here:

Why Cold Approach Isn't for Social Beginners

Cold approaching women you don’t know is hard. If you lack the required social skills and mentality to make it work, you’ll burn out of it quick. On the forum, we have a thread where a member posted to ask “what happens to guys who just don’t get results with women?” At first I thought he was...

www.girlschase.com

Hope it helps.

Chase

Wow, Chase. You went and wrote an article about my situation. Thank you! I am flattered.

It isn't that the handful of rejections sends me reeling but that the lifetime of rejections has. Remember that I've been wanting a girlfriend since 2017 and failing everywhere with it. If I go out for a daygame session, it's 5-10 more rejections and I add it to all my old negative experiences and then it sends me reeling. You mentioned in the article that social circle and online are viable options. But my social circle doesn't give me opportunities for meeting women and I've already messed up with 60-70 women through dates arranged via online. It seems like I will need to one day start cold approaching.

Do you or others think that it would be good for me to go to a professional and see if I have any high functioning autism spectrum disorder? I'll need a professional, not the cookie cutter online tests. I imagine that if I do have some form of it, it really is game over, and I shouldn't even try with the list of things in the "how to get started when you're socially hopeless" article. But if I don't have it, I need to get started on that and do the work.

 

[Conquistador]

I imagine that if I do have some form of it, it really is game over, and I shouldn't even try with the list of things in the "how to get started when you're socially hopeless" article.

What the previous posters have said. You’re getting a bit fatalistic, which is not going to improve your results.
I’d recommend taking a break from girls to work out whatever it is that’s hampering you. Because it sounds like right now you’re in a vicious circle where “failure” just makes you more likely to continue “failing”.
Besides, if you are in fact autistic (which is possible but not the only explanation) I’ve heard rumors that one of the tribal elders (no clue which…half of them seem a little weird tbh) in on the spectrum…it’s hardly a social death sentence.

But if I don't have it, I need to get started on that and do the work.

Say you end up getting diagnosed with something else, perhaps social anxiety disorder, or depression, or whatever. What then? Will you also use that as a pretext to give up?

Also in your OP you didn’t really mention your fundamentals and attractiveness at all. If you’ve never addressed those and put a bit of work into improving them, that could be part of the issue.

 

[ulrich]

How’s your socialization? Are you able to make friends and chat with strangers just fine?

 

[raiden]

What the previous posters have said. You’re getting a bit fatalistic, which is not going to improve your results.
I’d recommend taking a break from girls to work out whatever it is that’s hampering you. Because it sounds like right now you’re in a vicious circle where “failure” just makes you more likely to continue “failing”.
Besides, if you are in fact autistic (which is possible but not the only explanation) I’ve heard rumors that one of the tribal elders (no clue which…half of them seem a little weird tbh) in on the spectrum…it’s hardly a social death sentence.

Say you end up getting diagnosed with something else, perhaps social anxiety disorder, or depression, or whatever. What then? Will you also use that as a pretext to give up?

Also in your OP you didn’t really mention your fundamentals and attractiveness at all. If you’ve never addressed those and put a bit of work into improving them, that could be part of the issue.

If I'm diagnosed with somethng then it provides a reason why I've failed so badly and would, sadly, justify giving up. If I'm not, then I can go right to work on the stuff for socially hopeless guys and push ahead.

My natural fundamentals are very weak. I've addressed this in another post. I've done what I can to improve them but I know now that I'll never be a guy who gets monthly approach invitations.

How’s your socialization? Are you able to make friends and chat with strangers just fine?

It's fine. I made one or two (male) friends in the last few years by warm approach. Chatting with strangers is easy; you just make a comment on whatever they say and let them continue talking.

 

[killerman]

Wow, Chase. You went and wrote an article about my situation. Thank you! I am flattered.

It isn't that the handful of rejections sends me reeling but that the lifetime of rejections has. Remember that I've been wanting a girlfriend since 2017 and failing everywhere with it. If I go out for a daygame session, it's 5-10 more rejections and I add it to all my old negative experiences and then it sends me reeling. You mentioned in the article that social circle and online are viable options. But my social circle doesn't give me opportunities for meeting women and I've already messed up with 60-70 women through dates arranged via online. It seems like I will need to one day start cold approaching.

Do you or others think that it would be good for me to go to a professional and see if I have any high functioning autism spectrum disorder? I'll need a professional, not the cookie cutter online tests. I imagine that if I do have some form of it, it really is game over, and I shouldn't even try with the list of things in the "how to get started when you're socially hopeless" article. But if I don't have it, I need to get started on that and do the work.

That's maybe your problem, that you're actively seeking out a girlfriend when your aim in the words of coach corey wayne is to "hangout, have fun and hookup" (I think it's in that order?). That's it, hangout, have fun, hookup. Just aim to have as much fun with the girl as possible. Flirt with her, tease her, have fun playful, upbeat conversations, have a good time. If coffee is too boring for you, go bowling or something, a fun activity where you both have fun, mini golf, play pool, these activities are great for getting a little physical. Then when you've really been having a good time for a while invite her back to your place, talk it from there. I think you probably come across as a little uptight, maybe you're from a conservative background, but you need to have FUN. Playfulness, fun and being flirty is a great way to game women as you come across as a fun guy and women love guys that are FUN. So yeah just have fun, dating for you has clearly become not fun, but something depressing and painful. You need to inject some fun into it again. Try out my tips, see if they work. Bowling, pool, mini golf, try it out. And have a blast.

 

[Conquistador]

If I'm diagnosed with somethng then it provides a reason why I've failed so badly and would, sadly, justify giving up.

No comment

My natural fundamentals are very weak. I've addressed this in another post.

Can you link?

I've done what I can to improve them but I know now that I'll never be a guy who gets monthly approach invitations.

Remember, what you believe, will be. You’re a man, not a girl.

And by the way, the reason girls generally have less scope to improve fundamentals has as much to do with the typical female worldview and mindset as it does with the fact that looks matter more for women.

“Monthly” AIs? Most guys could get at least daily if they spent enough time exposed/infield each day.

Look, you can either go work on other stuff and come back when you’re ready, or keep going. Either way, quitting isn’t a viable option because it won’t help anything long term.

 

[killerman]

If I'm diagnosed with somethng then it provides a reason why I've failed so badly and would, sadly, justify giving up. If I'm not, then I can go right to work on the stuff for socially hopeless guys and push ahead.

My natural fundamentals are very weak. I've addressed this in another post. I've done what I can to improve them but I know now that I'll never be a guy who gets monthly approach invitations.

It's fine. I made one or two (male) friends in the last few years by warm approach. Chatting with strangers is easy; you just make a comment on whatever they say and let them continue talking.

Don't give up, just try my strategy instead.