Gameboy's Journal

[gameboy]

YESTERDAY - 1 approach

3F set, Argentinians taking pictures right next to me so I basically had to open. Asked them where they're from and chatted for a minute. The girl that answered me was polite but not really interested.

TODAY - 2 approaches

#1

2F set - 2 Germans. The one I opened I gave her a compliment on her tan, then asked whether they come here a lot. Turns out they are on holiday and leaving tonight. We chatted for a while, but since it was a 2-set I didn't see a chance of closing.

#2

Single girl - A girl I had seen before, but didn't open because of AA. She suddenly appeared next to where I was walking, so I opened saying "Hey did I see you over there before?" She seemed a bit shy and said "maybe". Told her I'm walking around the beach and I saw her before over there (pointing), she was like "Okay!"

I turned away and was going to leave, but then decided to reopen and ask her where she's from. She named an African country. I asked if she's on holiday here and she said "sort of". I felt she wasn't very talkative, so I said "All right, enjoy your stay" and left.

FUN OBSERVATION

The interaction with the German girl was pretty fun, and I walked away smiling. Noticed at least one guy staring at me as I was walking away after I left them. I bet he wished he could do what I just did, hehe.

Later I saw them again doing an acro yoga pose (both on all fours, with one girl on top of the other). While walking by I teased them a bit saying they should try and do pushups in this position. They laughed and said "Yeah".

Again I saw a guy staring at me lol. Not sure if it was the same guy as before, but if it was he changed postition in between.

THOUGHTS

Still need to figure out a way to make myself stay in set longer. With the African girl (#2) I'm not sure it'd have gone anywhere since she just gave me one word answers, but who knows. I could have persisted more. Might have been interesting to inquire about her country. Also gotta remember to throw in teases, cold reads... in essence, actually flirt with the girl.

Also I've been thinking about the situation from last week (previous post), with the girl that was smiling at me and seemed interested, but I just ejected.

Am I actually afraid of success? I don't think it's fear of rejection, because when I try to close and get rejected I generally feel good afterwards. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. Maybe it's something subconscious I picked up about the girl that I didn't like.

Or I feel the tension becoming too much and that's why I bail. In that case it would just be a matter of practice... But it's a pity letting the opportunities go like that.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I think that if we exclude situations where you get obvious signs of non interest and it's normal to not want to continue the approach, the rest is mostly not knowing what to do with a girl that things go well. For the first ones maybe it's even better to not push it much beyond one-two tries, at least I have tried and most of the times I either get a harsher rejection or a girl that minimally contributes and expects me to realise that she doesn't want me there.

The second ones though I feel are interesting, because they feel like they have potential. With them I believe it really helps to have a process. Let's say if she is positive, you can try to learn what she is up to right now, what she is doing in general, mix some qualification in there, excuse yourself for being busy and propose to meet at some other point. At least then you know that if she responds well, there are certain things to do and you don't feel overwhelmed and bail.

Also about the germans in the 2 set, depends a bit on your mood and what you would like to get out of it, but you could also just take them both out to show them a nice place if they were down for it. Not saying they would just decide to come right away, but you could propose it. I remember now some months ago when I met two girls on the street at night, one living here, the other visiting her friend, I approached and complimented one of them, but then they had to leave. Next day I texted them I was at a club, they came, and we had a fun time.

 

[gameboy]

With them I believe it really helps to have a process.

I think you're onto something there. Maybe that's what I'm missing.

At least for beach approaches where the girl is just sitting there and not going anywhere soon. For a street approach I do have a general idea of a process, but on the beach my goal has been mainly to hook the girl and when I succeed I'm like... so now what?

Thanks for the feedback, I will give it some thought!

Also about the germans in the 2 set, depends a bit on your mood and what you would like to get out of it, but you could also just take them both out to show them a nice place if they were down for it.

These two told me they were leaving the very same night, so I don't think I could have taken them anywhere. I just assumed they wanted to spend their last afternoon on the beach before catching their flight back home. Anyway they weren't really hooked, I just asked them a few questions and the girl I picked was happy to answer and chat a bit, but she never asked me anything back.

Her friend was just sort of watching and smiling all the time, so I think I did make a decent impression. But they were both also probably 30 years younger than me, so I considered it more as a warm up set.

I did enjoy the chat though and the best thing was the guy staring at me afterwards haha... they were the hottest girls on the beach at that moment so he probably watched me approach. It's cool I can finally do this after being a lurker myself for way too long!

 

[ChrisXKiss]

These two told me they were leaving the very same night, so I don't think I could have taken them anywhere. I just assumed they wanted to spend their last afternoon on the beach before catching their flight back home. Anyway they weren't really hooked, I just asked them a few questions and the girl I picked was happy to answer and chat a bit, but she never asked me anything back.

Yeah I get that, just saying that it's good to be going for a close to create a habit. It doesn't cost anything to ask them to hang out at a cool place nearby before the flight, maybe the biggest probability is they will reject you, but at least for me I prefer to have it official to wondering if there was any chance.

It also makes it extremely natural to go for the close other times. I notice that in the past I was thinking a lot more how to ask for a number or propose a meeting, and was putting a lot of pressure on myself during that moment. But after many times it is just a normal thing to do at this point. Not that it is successful all the time, but it rarely affects me emotionally in that moment.

I did enjoy the chat though and the best thing was the guy staring at me afterwards haha... they were the hottest girls on the beach at that moment so he probably watched me approach. It's cool I can finally do this after being a lurker myself for way too long!

That's a cool part indeed. The other fun thing is when I see a guy gawking at a hot girl, basically wishing he could have her, and then I casually go up and talk to her in front of him. I don't even need to see him after that, I can imagine.

 

[gameboy]

Yeah I get that, just saying that it's good to be going for a close to create a habit.

You are correct, I really need to make it a habit to go for the close. Still holding back way too much on that front.

 

[gameboy]

Been slacking off recently... it's a pity, because it was a beautiful day outside and my mood was also good.

Tomorrow I want to do 4 approaches, or I'll have to write here that I didn't reach my goal. Even 4 drive-by compliments or favorite color openers would be better than no approaches at all.

 

[gameboy]

6 approaches today if I count them all.

#1
2F set walking in the street - (fake) directions opener (I asked the way to the beach, lol) - said they have no idea and aren't from here, and walked on.
In hindsight this felt even weaker than a favorite color opener. But I guess it can lead to a conversation if you sense the girl is into you.

#2
Group of women seeming lost. Asked them what they were looking for, and was able to help them. They thanked me for it. They were all a bit older though.

#3
2F set walking by on the beach, I asked if they had gone swimming - they ignored me and just kept walking.

#4
Girl sitting by herself. As I got closer I saw she wasn't that attractive. She had lots of paper cups and an empty bottle of wine lying near her though, so I asked "Did you drink all that?" She looked surprised, then said "No" and looked the other way. Just a quick walk-by tease.

#5
Girl that suddenly appeared next to me, in bikini. She was looking down though. Asked her if she had been swimming, got ignored. I said "Hello?" since she was real close. She touched her ear and said something without looking at me, as if talking with an earpiece. Couldn't see it since she had long hair. Left it since she ignored me twice.

#6
After sundown, but still not dark. Girl sitting by herself, with lots of space around her. Decided to walk by in front of her even though she was sitting close by the sea. As I walked by she looked at me, and twirled her hair. I took it as an obvious IOI and stopped 1m past her. She was smoking, had a can of beer, and had earphones in. I said "Hello!" - she looked the other way.

That was confusing, since she played with her hair when she saw me, but wouldn't answer. So I asked her "How's your day going?" She said something like "I can't talk because... (didn't understand the rest)" Damn language barrier! I said, "Ok no worries" and left.

In hindsight I should have done something to confirm, like making signs that she can't talk, or just asking her, "You can't talk?". It's possible that I misunderstood her, or she was saying it to someone on the phone. Shouldn't have given up all that quickly.

But hey, I guess as we do more approaches we'll get better and better at this kind of situations.

---

The last approach really made my day because it was the only one that actually felt like a "serious" approach. Before that one, I felt rather like I was half assing it to somehow get my 4 approaches in. (Though #5 could have turned into something if she had been receptive.)

To be fair, it's Saturday. I always find it hard to find eligible single women on Saturdays. Most hot girls are out and about in groups, partying or doing girly stuff like taking pictures of each other and such.

Better luck tomorrow!

 

[gameboy]

4 approaches today. 1 hook, but she told me relatively early that she is travelling with her husband. I still stayed in set for a while just to chat, but in the end got bored.

There were at least 4 more girls who I could have approached but didn't. All sitting by themselves on the beach. In this entry I want to focus more on the ones that I didn't approach today.

Excuses in my head:
"She's probably way too young" - In reality, I'm afraid she will reject me for my age. If she turns out to be under age or too immature to be fun to deal with, I can still eject once I talk to her and find out.
"She looks too much like the ex" - Bullshit. The ex looked hot actually. And the girl in front of me is a totally different person.
"She's talking on the phone" - Really? Maybe she's just recording a voice message. Maybe she's even saying to her girl friend, "wait there's this hot guy over there..." meaning me.
"She's smoking" - Yeah it's unhealthy. But I used to smoke myself. And smoking girls are usually less risk-averse, thus more likely to have sex faster.

I got too much in my head again in the evening. Honestly it's starting to get tiring to be walking for hours, day after day and not getting results. And then when you have a girl that hooks, she's married.

On the other hand, at least I showed up and did 4 approaches. A year ago I could never have done that.

It is tiring, but I'm glad I can do it. I could be in an unhappy relationship. Or be so overloaded with work that I don't have time to go out. Or live in a cold country with terrible weather. Enjoy your health and your freedom, Gameboy!

 

[gameboy]

Still hanging in there. Success continues to be elusive though.

Recently I'm doing around 2 approaches per day on average, best day was Thursday with 5. I feel I'm still not being bold enough though, and I'm missing out on too many opportunities.

TODAY'S WARMUP APPROACH

The first approach of the day was a sitting 2 set, on the beach. One of them had a haircut like Lady Gaga in the "bad romance" video, so I took off my sunglasses and asked her "Are you Lady Gaga?" (grinning). Both girls just stared the other way, stone faced. I said "You look like Lady Gaga!" Still nothing, so I said "Sorry"... waited a bit, no reaction... so I said "I didn't mean to insult you, haha" and walked off. I thought it was hilarious, but apparently they didn't. Or she gets it all the time, who knows. Anyway they may have been lesbians because Lady Gaga's friend had her hair cut short, and they were sitting quite close together. Still a bit lacking in the humor department, those two.

MISSED ONE

Then I came across a girl that was really cute, wearing a cap and reading a book by the shoreline. I walked by in front and she glanced up at me briefly. I flashed her a smile but I couldn't open! I just kept walking like a complete fool.

Maybe it's these rejections / girls ignoring me that lower my self esteem. I used to think it doesn't matter but I've gotten a bit too much of them recently. Yesterday I opened a rather young girl sitting on a bench. I asked her if she'd gone swimming. She stared at me then took her earpiece out and said she didn't understand, so I repeated in English. She just looked to the side as in, what does this creep want? I followed up with "It's cold, but really nice" but got no reply. I don't think I did any more approaches that day.

COFFEE BREAK

So back to today... after the non-approach with the book and cap girl I went to grab some food and a coffee in my one of my favorite cafeterias. I'm friendly with most of the staff there but there's this one new waiter who I think is kind of cute even though she's a bit older than the others. She was wearing a Starbucks t-shirt which I found hilarious since she was basically wearing a t-shirt of the competition to her own cafeteria. I complimented her on the shirt as I left, she just said "Thanks" in a very neutral tone without even looking at me. That stung a bit, though to be fair they were having a very busy day so she was probably stressed out.

BACK TO THE BEACH... ROW OF 4

I went back to the beach to see if there were any approachable single girls around. The sky was grey and it looked like it would start raining at any moment, so I didn't have my hopes up. I rode around a bit and at point I saw 4 girls sitting almost in a row, near the shore line. Walked up to the first one, but she was talking on the phone, with her phone at her ear so it would have been really rude to interrupt. Also she was wearing baggy clothes and I think she might have been a bit fat.

Second one, walked by her but she looked reeaally young... not sure if she was even 18. Also was staring at her phone and didn't give me any signs of interest, so I passed.

Third one had huge tattoos, too many for my taste, and her legs were a bit thick. I stood by the sea in front of her for a while, checking my phone but she just stared past me. So I went toward the fourth one... just as she got joined by a guy.

Turned back to number three... and she was kissing some guy who had appeared in the mean time.

DUMBEST OPENER EVER

I went to a different spot... and finally saw a girl sitting by herself, leaning against a tree. She looked like a girl who I'd opened before, so I probably used the dumbest opener ever: "Hey, did I talk to you the other day?" She looked at me and said no... so now if I had continued talking to her I'd have come across as that guy who talks to all the girls.

Maybe there was a smooth way out of this but nothing occurred to me in the moment, so I just said sorry and left.

There was another girl sitting nearby but she was giving me kind of weird vibes, also she probably saw my previous interaction so I didn't approach that one. A bit later it started raining.

POST MORTEM

So... another typical day. Today my lack of success really affected my confidence. I hate it when I miss out on the best opportunities (today I'm thinking that was the cute girl with the cap and the book).

This journey really is tough. The days are getting shorter, and soon it will get dark early and the nights will be really long. I don't see myself installing Tinder again, and night game stopped working for me ages ago so...

I gotta find a way to make this work somehow.

 

[AspiringStoic]

@gameboy

Nice bro. Good on you for sticking it out. Its a long term process. I think as long as you continue growing, you know your heading in the right direction, albeit slowly.

For me its closing in on a year of approaching in a couple of months. I have gone from only being able to ask for directions, to being able to go up to women and open with a direct compliment and have conversations.

Still not fully calm in those convos, still find it hard sometimes to deal with the emotions associated with opening, conversing and going for the close but its slowly getting better. So I know I am heading in the right direction.

It seems like the same is true for you. If in these last couple of months if maybe you can push yourself to go from 1-2 interactions per day to 4-5 that would give you a feeling of momentum and heading in the right direction.

But in a way you are right, my main motivation also comes from the fact that THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION!

I have to learn this skill however long it takes. Or else I will always be tortured and haunted by going outside the house and seeing beautiful women all around me and knowing that I cannot go up and talk to them and make something happen.

So bottom line for me, I still feel better being rejected by 10 women on a given day than rejecting myself and not talking to any woman. The pain of the latter far outweighs the pain of the former.

 

[gameboy]

I just saw today is this journal's 1st anniversary! So I thought I'd post here real quick.

I've been taking a break recently, been doing the odd approach here and there but nothing too consquential. I've had more work than usual, and also the quantity of hot girls out has declined since the weather is getting colder.

But since this journal is now 1 year old, I think that's as good a reason as any to start approaching more consistently again! I'm not going to give myself any targets for now, except to resume posting here every evening. I found that I'm much more motivated to take action when I have some accountability.

My goal for this month is to enjoy myself and have fun!

 

[FunGuy]

You are fearless when it comes to approaching gameboy so keep putting in that work! I skimmed through some posts from the last 2 pages and wanted to bring your attention to a few things.

I noticed that the openers you use are almost impossible to build conversational momentum with. You are going to keep getting into short 10 seconds interactions that go nowhere if you keep using them:

• Are you from X country or are you from here? (This seems to be ur go-to opener. Its hard to stack forward from this)
• Is the water cold or aren't you going to swim? (Your 2nd favorite opener. Its hard to stack forward from this)
• Are you sad? (not appropriate to ask strangers)
• Where do I know you from? (hard to stack forward from this)
• Opened indirect, with a comment how beautiful the sea looks today (A stranger is not going to care. Hard to stack forward from this)

I would advice against using those openers and instead use proven indirect openers. A good one that I recommend using is this opinion opener from the article How to Use Indirect Game to Get Girls about needing a female opinion and make sure to use indirect body language and tonality. Throw every opener out the window and only use the opinion opener from the article verbatim for like 2-3 weeks and report back.

Also I noticed that you have a habit of going into interview mode like this:

Me: So where in X are you from?
HB: (city name)
Me: Ohh like (famous person)
HB: Yes
Me: And what are you doing here in our city?
HB: Lying in the sun
Me: Okay... so do you meet lots of guys on the beach? (I tried to show some intent with that question, but I probably phrased it badly)
HB: Yes... my friends
Me: So you're here with friends?
HB: Yes... I'm waiting for them
Me: I see. You're not single, are you? (OMG cringe... it hurts to type it, but that's what I said)
HB: Uhh, no
Me: So you have a boyfriend?
HB: Yes
Me: All right, it's been nice to meet you HBShades.
HB: Nice to meet you to
Me: Bye
HB: Bye

Avoid jumping from question to question or you will bore them to death. Elaborate and add value in between the questions. For example you can do something like this:

Me: So where in X are you from?
HB: (city name)
Me: Oh really? I was actually planning a trip out there to city X because I heard that you guys have amazing beaches and that the food is delicious there. My friend wen't there for vacation last year and showed me a bunch of cool photos and videos that he took and told me I should go there ASAP. And I really want to try X food. What's a good traditional dish from your city?

But nevertheless you are doing excellent job bro great progress, just keep at it.

 

[gameboy]

Today's report: 3 openers.

#1 was a walk by to warm up. Saw a girl who was doing something and realized she was setting up her phone, so I said "Selfie?" She looked at me and said "No... bla bla" (didn't understand the rest). I was in a hurry to an appointment so I just said "Oh okay" nd kept walking.

#2 riding the bike, I stopped for a moment to check out the beach. Saw 2 seriously beautiful young girls walking towards me. One of them was taking pictures of the beach with a camera (not a phone camera). They were both HB10s in my book, wearing light tight-fitting dresses, and both with long curly hair.

I waited for them to get closer, and with (what I hope was) a seductive smile on my face I said "Beautiful, no?" to them as I walked by. Purposefully savoring the ambiguity of whether I was referring to the view, or to the two of them. They giggled both, then after a split second said, "Yeah!" but kept walking. I think I wasn't even expecting a good reaction in the first place, because I felt a bit caught off guard and almost didn't remember to follow up in time.

They were walking past me, so I quickly asked "Where are you from?" They were like "Uh, United States" I said "Oh wow!" but by then they had already passed me by.

Now I certainly should have turned around to face them, but I didn't. I had the bike between my legs so it would have been a bit high effort, and I couldn't crank my head any further around than I was already haha. But yeah I probably should have moved that bike, since their reaction was quite cool.

So I cut myself short once more. Though in all fairness I don't think I could have picked up any of them so I guess it doesn't really matter in the big picture.

Approach #3 ignored me, here's how that went:

I went to walk around on the beach. There were a number of solitary girls/women sitting by themselves, looking out at the sea. I made a point of walking by in front of them, slowly, and try and make eye contact at some point. Some were older, some not very attractive. One girl I actually thought I had approached before and she gave me the boyfriend objection when I asked her out, so this time I just smiled at her (in a way that intended to convey "Oh, it's you!") but didn't say anything. She gave me something of a blank stare as I walked by though, so in hindsight it was probably a different girl.

Then I came across today's #3. A girl wearing short shorts, her face was just mid but I thought her legs were sexy so I asked "Aren't you cold?" (most other people were wearing pants/trousers and jackets at this point). She looked at me, then looked away at the sea without answering. I repeated the question in English, but no reply so I guess she didn't want to talk.

Shortly after I came across another okay-looking girl, but she had headphones in and pointedly looked the other way as I got closer so I didn't open that one.

And that was it for today, not too bad considering there weren't that many attractive girls out in the first place. Could have milked set #2 more but hey it was a 2F set so slim chances.

@FunGuy:

Thanks for your input man! I'm actually anything but fearless, lol. In fact today when I went out I was like, "oh damn I promised the forum I'd get back into approaching today, should I just say it rained all day or something?" Fortunately I got over the AA without too much trouble once I was in field.

And you're right about most of my interactions being way too short. I'm definitely going to try and integrate some opinion openers one of these days, that's a good pointer. But I'm not throwing out all the other ones, I like to be flexible and adjust to the situation. I know they can work, and they have worked for me in the past.

As for boring interview style, I recognize that this is a problem of mine and I hope I can fix it. But if the girl gives me nothing back I'm having a real hard time doing this. It might not seem that way when you read this journal, but when I talk I'm actually not usually a guy of too many words. (Unless I'm telling a story or something.) I've always preferred to be short and to the point, and what's more here I'm gaming not in my 1st or 2nd, but in my 3rd language. So I often also can't be as expressive (verbally) as I would like and have to rely more on nonverbal communication.

But yes, I will definitely try to change it up and insert some stories of my own in there.

For now my main goal is to have fun and talk to as many girls as I can any given day! Ideally hot ones of course. Oh and stay in set... another major sticking point of mine. But I expect that if I'm having fun and getting the practice in, hopefully ejecting too early will take care of itself sooner or later.

Anyway thanks for your comment, I'm taking your advice into account.

 

[gameboy]

Just one approach today. A 2F set, both were too fat for my taste but I liked the shirt of one of the girls so I complimented her on it. She actually reacted really good! Stopped, commented on something on the floor that she liked, and when I asked her about the shirt she stood there facing me and touching her hair. Too bad she wasn't my type!

I'm getting the impression 2F sets are actually a lot easier than I thought. The girl will feel safer with a friend by her side, obviously not likely to be a SDL hahaa but can always go for the number. I should do more of those.

On the beach there weren't too many attractive girls. I saw one walking by at a distance and she looked at me for several seconds, but I was with the bike at the end of a wooden walkway. I'd have had to drag the bike over the sand to get to her, which isn't fun and anything but smooth. Maybe I should just have told or waved her to come over for a second? It didn't occur to me in the moment, but if it works I think it would be a real bold and powerful move.

 

[gameboy]

2 approaches today. I'm happy with both, for different reasons.

My focus currently is on being more present in my interactions and staying in set until it makes sense to close. Also, to remember and test for compliance.

I succeeded with the first girl, but not with the second.

#1: Bikini girl
Appeared next to me on the beach. Looked good in her bikini, I'd say a 9 with her hair piled up so if she let it down maybe even better.
The girl looked wet so, I opened her asking her if she had been swimming. She was super receptive and told me yes. Asked her how was it, she said "cool!" I was like "Cool or cold?" with a grin.
She told me she went all the way out to one of the buoys. Then she asked me about some shells she was collecting. I told her "Show me?" and she did. So that was a nice little bit of compliance there.
Chatted a bit, then she turned away to leave. I didn't want to let her go so quickly though and asked where she was from. She told me, and asked me back. Found out she's only here for 4 days. Exchanged name, shook hands. Told her it's a pity she's only here for 4 days. She said she's here with her family, and showed me where her dad was sitting on the beach (quite a bit away but I spotted him in the end.)
I didn't really know where to take the conversation from there, thinking if she's travelling with family she probably won't be looking to hook up. (She didn't look super young though, I assumed at least mid 20s). So I let the conversation die down, she wished me a pleasant swim and took off.

#2: Girl sitting on wall, facing away
This was a first for me because I never approached a girl sitting from behind. I had no way to get in front of her though. I just saw she was slim and that she had awesome long, straight black hair. So I stopped behind her (was on the bike) and said "Excuse me?"
She turned around, at first with a suspicious look on her face. She also looked very young, possibly under 20. That threw me off a bit.
I told her "You should look at the sky behind you, it's so beautiful with the setting sun!" She was like, "Yeah but this side is beautiful too!" I laughed and said, "Over there it's even more!" (which was true, awesome color) she said "Okay, thanks" with a smile and turned around and actually looked the other way for a while.
Now I ejected too soon again. I think I just said "welcome" with a smile and walked on. I was thrown off by her initial suspicious look, and her age. What I should have done in hindsight:
Ask "Are you from here, from X city?"
Her "bla bla"
and then either go direct or indirect depending on the vibe I'm getting.

Anyway, I'm happy with how today went. 2 quite beautiful girls, and at least with the 1st one I took it as far as I could. Got a bit of compliance from both. Also, first time opening a girl from behind and having it go decent. Ejected too soon from that one though.

And I could have done more approaches. One girl I saw right after I came out of my house. I think it was the one I saw yesterday evening looking at me. At least she was wearing similar clothing, and same body type. Nice brown legs with short shorts. I could have just asked her "Hey, did I see you yesterday on the beach?" and then follow up with where she's from. But I wasn't "on" at that moment so didn't.

Then I saw a girl sitting by herself leaning at a tree. I wasn't sure if I'd talked to her before, and her body language seemed a bit closed off so I didn't approach her. Then later I saw another guy chatting her up, and that really bummed me.

I will remember this bummed feeling and channel it the next time I hesitate to approach. Either I do it now, or someone else will.

Still, it was a fun day all in all!

 

[AspiringStoic]

What I should have done in hindsight:
Ask "Are you from here, from X city?"
Her "bla bla"
and then either go direct or indirect depending on the vibe I'm getting.

Just as I see it, the opener you use sets a frame. In your case, you ask if she was swimming, to look at the sunshine etc. From there, its really hard to get to the "getting to know each other part".

I understand that you seem to not want to go direct on the open like going up to her and saying she looks good and that is why you came over to talk to her.

That opener is the easiest way to get into the "getting to know each other" phase because right on the open, you clearly announce that you want to get to know her.

But if that is too much and you don't like the direct opener, you can open with what you do but at some point you gotta TRANSITION. For example:

You: Hey! Have you been swimming?
Her: Yeah I have. (smiling)
You: How was it?
Her: Cool!
You: Great. I was just chilling out here by the beach, I saw you and I was like this girl looks cute/stylish/pretty let me go talk to her. My name is Gameboy. Whats your name?

See here at this point she knows you want to get to know her and you are interested in her. So its congruent for you to lead the conversation that way. But in your case, if you look at how the interaction flowed, the girl has no idea that you are interested in her in a "man to woman" kind of way.

Example 2
You: Hey. You should look the other way, its really beautiful.

Her: Here is beautiful too.

You: Where are you from by the way?

Her: XYZ...

You: Nice. I was just biking home and I saw you sitting here and you looked like a pretty princess so I just wanted to come say hi. My name is Gameboy. Nice to meet you.

So again you throw in that Statement of Interest (SOI) so that sets the frame of the interaction. If not, you are just some guy who made some small talk. And then you cannot suddenly jump into asking her about her life and getting to know each other. Its going to be abrupt, so you need to transition into it.

In nightgame or social environments you don't necessarily need that statement of interest because its already implied that one can just go up and get to know another person. In daygame, that is not implied so you have to set that frame that you are speaking to her not to ask for help, just being friendly, asking for directions etc but to get to know her in a man to woman kind of way.

If doing it on the open is daunting, you can start situational or with something low pressure and then if she responds well to that, then throw in the statement of interest. It gives you an opportunity to test the waters a bit before declaring your interest.

I think this is one of the main things missing from your interactions. The reason you eject early is because you start in this casual chit chat way and then once that thread runs out, you really cannot go anywhere with it or you just stay in the chit chat zone till it peters out.

This is just my reading of the scenario based on my experience and reading your reports, let me know if it resonates with you or if you think I am reading it wrong.

 

[gameboy]

You: Where are you from by the way?

Her: XYZ...

You: Nice. I was just biking home and I saw you sitting here and you looked like a pretty princess so I just wanted to come say hi. My name is Gameboy. Nice to meet you.

Yes, that's what I should have done. I actually thought about that later, but by then it was already too late.

I think you are spot on!

I don't think the casual chit chat is bad per se. And the girls do know what's going on. The first one today for example, when I told her "So you're staying only four days?... That's a pity" - I said it in an ambiguous way. On the surface it means "Too bad you don't get to enjoy a longer holiday", but I said it with a subcommunication of "I would like to have you here longer." And I do think the girl got it... she replied immediately with "I'm here with my family, look that's my father over there" pointing to him. Which of course tells me "I'm not available to hook up".

So there is always, or often, these two levels in the communication, which are difficult to convey through writing here in the forum. And tedious to type out each time.

But for the second girl (and many other interactions I had previously) you are completely correct, I need to stay in the goddamn sets longer and not leave when there is absolutely zero need to.

 

[gameboy]

First number close today. After only one year of approaching. Hooray!

THE MEET

Saw this hot girl wearing high black boots and a short black dress in the street. Long black hair, slim figure. In short, the type that totally turns me on. (A bit like a real life version of the girl in my profile pic, but with a dress not a skirt). So I had to go meet her.

While I was walking over she sat down on a bench. That bench was back to back with another bench, and on the other bench a homeless guy was sleeping. Kind of awkward but I opened her anyway. I said "Hi!", and she looked a bit startled. I smiled and said "Oh I didn't mean to scare you", in English. She smiled and seemed happy talking to me, though her English wasn't the best. Found out she's from China, and visiting here. I asked if I can sit next to her, she said sure while I was already sitting down.

CHIT CHAT

I asked her a bit about her travel plans. It turns out she's new here and doesn't speak the local language. She told me how she ordered some food without knowing what it is. I probably should have vibed with her on that, because the same thing happened to me when I was new in this country. But I was kind of nervous and rushed through the set, because I found her really hot and she seemed so compliant.

GOING ALL IN

I don't remember the exact order of how things happened, and I'm probably forgetting some details, but here's the key points:

I found out about her logistics, asked how long she is staying, but she said she doesn't know because of whatever (she had a bit of trouble speaking English, and I didn't understand it). I asked her if she's single or has a boyfriend, she said single. I told her we can walk around and I can show her the nicest places. She told me she has plans to meet a friend later that afternoon. So I asked her what she's doing in the evening, said she has no plans so I asked her if she'd like to meet up. She said she didn't know.

At that moment I took it as a rejection, even though it probably just meant "I don't even know you, we just met". I said "You don't know? (awkward pause) Okay I don't want to pressure you" and switched topics to her travel plans again. (I probably shouldn't have said that, just say "okay you can decide later" and switch topics.) She told me the city she wanted to visit next, and I said oh that's an awesome city, I've lived there too before. (Should have stayed on that topic longer!)

Then I said "I have to go, but I can give you my number so you can call me if you want to meet up". She said okay, so I asked for my phone, put in my numer and called myself. Then chatted with her for another minute before telling her I have to go now.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

Afterwards, I kind of felt like I completely steamrolled the girl. I find it so hard to read Asian women! I don't have much experience with them except from the few ones I cold approached, and they always seem so compliant that I tend to caveman them, lol.

Nevertheless I was happy about my first number from day game, even though I got it in a bit of an unsmooth way. I had no expectations of actually contacting her, since she had neither Whatsapp nor any other messenger that I had. Forgot to ask what she uses for texting.

But then later in the day, I decided to just give her a call anyway. I expected her to not answer or block me outright, but she actually picked up! I asked her how she was doing, how her day was, and if everything was all right, to try and establish a little belated comfort which I completely forgot about when I met her.

She told me she's meeting her friend in a few minutes. I have no idea if it's a male or female friend, but I said if she wanted to meet up later, to just give me a call. She said "Okay I'll do that". I then told her it was a pleasure to meet her and talk to her, and she said "For me too."

CONCLUSION

She didn't call me back, and of course I'm not holding my breath. I probably did lots of things wrong. I did use some light touch when I was sitting with her. I think I touched her lightly once or twice, and shook her hand when exchanging names. Got a fair bit of compliance too, but completely forgot about comfort, similarity, teasing and all those things. It was also a bit tricky with the language barrier.

Still felt great! Especially after the call. I was genuinely surprised that she took it. I'm not used to calling girls any more, since everyone is texting nowadays, but since she didn't have whatsapp it wasn't an option. Calling is actually kind of cool, maybe I should do it more often. (Once I get more numbers.)

I might give her another call tonight, or maybe tomorrow. Think she's leaving in two days if I understood her correctly on that. Don't have high hopes she wants to hook up, but who knows. Stranger things have happened, and sometimes girls have positively surprised me when I took a hail mary.

What I did well today: Went for the open without thinking twice, asked her if she's single, got compliance, went for the close and called her later.
What I didn't do so well: Still wasn't fully present in the set. I was quite nervous, and rushed things too much.
I could have stayed with her much longer and maybe even invited her for a walk, and shown her some stuff. She wasn't seeing her friend until much later.
I need to be more flexible with my plans for the day when meeting girls.

IN OTHER NEWS

I did two more cold approaches today, but only in a half assed way since I didn't find them as attractive after the Chinese girl. Really did it more as a way of keeping up the momentum, in case I'd run into another SHB later.

Anyway I feel today, being 11/11, was already pretty damn good.

 

[AspiringStoic]

First number close today. After only one year of approaching. Hooray!

THE MEET

Saw this hot girl wearing high black boots and a short black dress in the street. Long black hair, slim figure. In short, the type that totally turns me on. (A bit like a real life version of the girl in my profile pic, but with a dress not a skirt). So I had to go meet her.

While I was walking over she sat down on a bench. That bench was back to back with another bench, and on the other bench a homeless guy was sleeping. Kind of awkward but I opened her anyway. I said "Hi!", and she looked a bit startled. I smiled and said "Oh I didn't mean to scare you", in English. She smiled and seemed happy talking to me, though her English wasn't the best. Found out she's from China, and visiting here. I asked if I can sit next to her, she said sure while I was already sitting down.

CHIT CHAT

I asked her a bit about her travel plans. It turns out she's new here and doesn't speak the local language. She told me how she ordered some food without knowing what it is. I probably should have vibed with her on that, because the same thing happened to me when I was new in this country. But I was kind of nervous and rushed through the set, because I found her really hot and she seemed so compliant.

GOING ALL IN

I don't remember the exact order of how things happened. I found out about her logistics, asked how long she is staying, but she said she doesn't know because of whatever (I didn't understand it). I asked her if she's single or has a boyfriend, she said single. I told her we can walk around and I can show her the nicest places. She told me she has plans to meet a friend in 1 or 2 hours time. So I asked her what she's doing in the evening, said she has no plans so I asked her if she'd like to meet up. She said she didn't know. I took it as a rejection at that moment, even though it probably just meant "I don't even know you, we just met". I said "You don't know? (pause) Okay I don't want to pressure you." and switched topics to her travel plans again. She told me the city she wanted to visit next, and I said oh that's an awesome city, I've lived there too before. Then I said "I have to go, but I can give me your number so you can call me if you want to meet up". She said okay, so I asked for my phone, put in my numer and called myself. Then chatted with her for another minute before telling her I have to go now.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

Afterwards, I kind of felt like I completely steamrolled the girl. I find it so hard to read Asian women! I don't have much experience with them except from the few ones I cold approached, and they always seem so compliant that I tend to caveman them, lol.

Nevertheless I was happy about my first number from day game, even though I got it in a bit of an unsmooth way. I had no expectations of actually contacting her, since she had neither Whatsapp nor any other messenger that I had. Forgot to ask what she uses for texting.

But then later in the day, I decided to just give her a call anyway. I expected her to not answer or block me outright, but she actually picked up! I asked her how she was doing, how her day was, and if everything was all right, to try and establish a little belated comfort which I completely forgot about when I met her.

She told me she's meeting her friend in a few minutes. I have no idea if it's a male or female friend, but I said if she wanted to meet up later, to just give me a call. She said "Okay I'll do that". I then told her it was a pleasure to meet her and talk to her, and she said "For me too."

CONCLUSION

She didn't call me back, and of course I'm not holding my breath. I probably did lots of things wrong. I did use some light touch when I was sitting with her. I think I touched her lightly once or twice, and shook her hand when exchanging names. Got a fair bit of compliance too, but completely forgot about comfort, similarity, teasing and all those things. It was also a bit tricky with the language barrier.

Still felt great! Especially after the call. I was genuinely surprised that she took it. I'm not used to calling girls any more, since everyone is texting nowadays, but since she didn't have whatsapp it wasn't an option. Calling is actually kind of cool, maybe I should do it more often. (Once I get more numbers.)

I might give her another call tonight, or maybe tomorrow. Think she's leaving in two days if I understood her correctly on that. Don't have high hopes she wants to hook up, but who knows. Stranger things have happened, and sometimes girls have positively surprised me when I took a hail mary.

What I did well today: Went for the open without thinking twice, asked her if she's single, got compliance, went for the close and called her later.
What I didn't do so well: Still wasn't fully present in the set. I was quite nervous, and rushed things too much.
I could have stayed with her much longer and maybe even invited her for a walk, and shown her some stuff. She wasn't seeing her friend until much later.
I need to be more flexible with my plans for the day when meeting girls.

IN OTHER NEWS

I did two more cold approaches today, but only in a half assed way since I didn't find them as attractive after the Chinese girl. Really did it more as a way of keeping up the momentum, in case I'd run into another SHB later.

Anyway I feel today, being 11/11, was already pretty damn good.

Amazing work buddy. Congratulations!! I hope you are celebrating! Need to anchor these positive sensations.

 

[gameboy]

Amazing work buddy. Congratulations!! I hope you are celebrating! Need to anchor these positive sensations.

Absolutely! The whole afternoon was a celebration