I went on a date yesterday.
We met at the bar. It was too busy so we went next door. Sat and talked. Body language wise, she sat turned towards me, which is good. But her arms were folded across her body the whole time, which wasn't good. We talked about a bunch of stuff, mostly which felt platonic. I teased at various points, although it didn't seem to "land". After about an hour I invited her back for wine, but she said she had to be up early. I said I had to go 10 minutes later and we paid and left.
One thing that I worry about on these sort of dates is, I might not be "on my game" to make it happen with her. That is, I'm not ready to hold frame, be into her, tease hard, ask for compliance and investment, create the bubble, etc. Why would I not be ready for it? First, it could be that don't believe that she is pullable, or that I won't be attracted, leading to me not giving enough, leading to her auto-rejecting. I wonder if the first step in pulling off a seduction is believing that it is possible, and that you want to. Sometimes, I go to dates after work, and I'm sort of tired and my head is full of work stuff. Then I don't pay enough attention to the seduction aspect, and instead have a platonic friendly conversation, and she isn't about it. On that note, if the conversation is too good, we don't end up having sex. That is another heuristic. The conversation should be subcontext laden, rather than "good and friendly". Make it sub-context-laden.
I guess these dates after work when I am tired and not particularly in the mood to pull are alright. They are good practice, if nothing else. They are socializing, which is generally good. Otherwise I would just sit at home and work more. At the same time, maybe I should take some time beforehand to get in a seductive, horny state of mind. So I can be mentally prepared to take the steps needed to seduce. My energy was a bit off, too, because I didn't sleep well last night. No excuse, but being well rested helps be on the ball, too. Maybe I could walk around the block a few times before the date, to get into the seduction state of mind, to transition from working, and be ready to seduce on the date. What is a good routine I can do before the date, to make sure I am in the right state of mind?
Another element, with this girl, she was from the apps. On the apps, I generally have 1 of 2 approaches for messaging. One is a one-shot text, saying hey you're cute let's get a drink sometime. This is short and to the point. It's not bad, but of the girls that respond to that, you tend to get some that seem really just "social" and willing to get a drink, but haven't bought into you that much, or the fact that you might want something "casual". My other sequence of texting involves saying she is sexy, and saying that I don't want anything serious, and would you like to get a drink. Also some more qualifying, about things she does for fun. I like this sequence better at the moment, because if the girl texts back and forth and hears multiple times that you aren't looking for something serious, then she is more likely down with the idea that you'll invite her back at the end of the date.
This is the element of "filtering", where you're simply screening more for girls that DTF, or close to DTF, to go out with. It is useful to filter in this way, to improve your date-to-lay rate. On these dates, I do them for a combination of 1. practicing socializing and 2. getting laid. I suppose if I screen even harder for DTF and near-DTF girls, then I can boost my lay rate. At the same time, I do want to practice socializing, in the sense that this is currently my only source of dates at the moment. So those are the two goals or objectives or why I go on these types of dates.
I guess one part of the trouble is, holding frame and acting like you want to have sex with a girl requires some effort. What happens is, she will ask a question, and I know I should hold frame in some sort of strong way, but I also don't care enough about sleeping with her to hold frame and keep the conversation tense. So I just go with friendly conversation, it turns friendly, and she is unattracted. Hmm. I guess recognizing it is a good first step. I guess the next step you could do is decide that you are going to hold frame and seduce in your various ways, and just do it. It's like focusing while playing soccer to play well. If you're tired, it's harder to focus, and you are more liable to taking plays off, or just not putting in the little extra effort needed to make a good play. In seduction, same thing.
Now, you can improve your game and fundamentals, such that you can do better even when you are tired. That is indeed a worth goal. How can I unlock all of my charisma, all the time. Maybe smile more. Or not be tired. Maybe take a nap in the afternoon, to be ready for weekday nighttime dates. Also, how can I socialize, while working a pretty busy schedule with work? Maybe at work, lol. Or walking around outside, between the day at work. Just approach girls then, to get the ball rolling. Keep the social muscles up. This is a weird question but, what is the end goal of socializing?
On the plus side, I think that I did feel better as far as holding frame overall, in certain ways. Might slight smirk on the right side of my mouth seems to be good, for talking slower, being in control, thinking of things in the moment. While talking with this girl tonight, I felt remarkably free in my ability to listen to her. Like open, listening, non-judgemental, in the moment. It felt interesting. The slight smirk on the right side of my mouth seems to be helpful for listening, being quick, and overall holding frame. At work, too, it seemed to help during some conversations to "just know the right thing to say." I will have to keep doing this, and paying attention to how and when it works. Maybe this is the beginning of being smooth. Being able to say the right thing at the right time, on the tip of the tongue, all the time. I will keep practicing it.
Taking a step back, I feel like I have made meaningful progress over the last, say, month or so. I have gone on a lot of dates and figured some new things out. I'm learning each time I go out, although frankly I'd like to learn faster, lol. But the journey continues, and it is indeed improving. If I can talk to more people, through work, approaching on the street, on dates I set up, in other situations, I can really master this stuff. Or at least get better and better at it. And to get better as fast as possible.
For this date, the girl seemed to be closed-off. Maybe this is auto-rejection. Chase talks about this a good bit. Balancing attainability with value. What is value, though? No idea. Just tell me some tactic to do, I'll figure the theory later, lol. I know, given all that I've been doing recently, that I can get better and better at this socializing and dating stuff. For example, I've done so many dates, talked about so many of the same things with girls, that it is starting to get second-nature. I don't know if that's good or not. It certainly makes for more predictable conversation. Sometimes I feel like I am years behind most people socially. Yes, there are common topics that people like talking about. That's not a surprise. I guess my point is, if I can make everything about socializing, including the process of turning attractive women into lovers, then that will make for a pretty fun life. How can I accelerate this process, by talking to more people? Talk, talk, talk. Do more of it. That is the goal.
We met at the bar. It was too busy so we went next door. Sat and talked. Body language wise, she sat turned towards me, which is good. But her arms were folded across her body the whole time, which wasn't good. We talked about a bunch of stuff, mostly which felt platonic. I teased at various points, although it didn't seem to "land". After about an hour I invited her back for wine, but she said she had to be up early. I said I had to go 10 minutes later and we paid and left.
One thing that I worry about on these sort of dates is, I might not be "on my game" to make it happen with her. That is, I'm not ready to hold frame, be into her, tease hard, ask for compliance and investment, create the bubble, etc. Why would I not be ready for it? First, it could be that don't believe that she is pullable, or that I won't be attracted, leading to me not giving enough, leading to her auto-rejecting. I wonder if the first step in pulling off a seduction is believing that it is possible, and that you want to. Sometimes, I go to dates after work, and I'm sort of tired and my head is full of work stuff. Then I don't pay enough attention to the seduction aspect, and instead have a platonic friendly conversation, and she isn't about it. On that note, if the conversation is too good, we don't end up having sex. That is another heuristic. The conversation should be subcontext laden, rather than "good and friendly". Make it sub-context-laden.
I guess these dates after work when I am tired and not particularly in the mood to pull are alright. They are good practice, if nothing else. They are socializing, which is generally good. Otherwise I would just sit at home and work more. At the same time, maybe I should take some time beforehand to get in a seductive, horny state of mind. So I can be mentally prepared to take the steps needed to seduce. My energy was a bit off, too, because I didn't sleep well last night. No excuse, but being well rested helps be on the ball, too. Maybe I could walk around the block a few times before the date, to get into the seduction state of mind, to transition from working, and be ready to seduce on the date. What is a good routine I can do before the date, to make sure I am in the right state of mind?
Another element, with this girl, she was from the apps. On the apps, I generally have 1 of 2 approaches for messaging. One is a one-shot text, saying hey you're cute let's get a drink sometime. This is short and to the point. It's not bad, but of the girls that respond to that, you tend to get some that seem really just "social" and willing to get a drink, but haven't bought into you that much, or the fact that you might want something "casual". My other sequence of texting involves saying she is sexy, and saying that I don't want anything serious, and would you like to get a drink. Also some more qualifying, about things she does for fun. I like this sequence better at the moment, because if the girl texts back and forth and hears multiple times that you aren't looking for something serious, then she is more likely down with the idea that you'll invite her back at the end of the date.
This is the element of "filtering", where you're simply screening more for girls that DTF, or close to DTF, to go out with. It is useful to filter in this way, to improve your date-to-lay rate. On these dates, I do them for a combination of 1. practicing socializing and 2. getting laid. I suppose if I screen even harder for DTF and near-DTF girls, then I can boost my lay rate. At the same time, I do want to practice socializing, in the sense that this is currently my only source of dates at the moment. So those are the two goals or objectives or why I go on these types of dates.
I guess one part of the trouble is, holding frame and acting like you want to have sex with a girl requires some effort. What happens is, she will ask a question, and I know I should hold frame in some sort of strong way, but I also don't care enough about sleeping with her to hold frame and keep the conversation tense. So I just go with friendly conversation, it turns friendly, and she is unattracted. Hmm. I guess recognizing it is a good first step. I guess the next step you could do is decide that you are going to hold frame and seduce in your various ways, and just do it. It's like focusing while playing soccer to play well. If you're tired, it's harder to focus, and you are more liable to taking plays off, or just not putting in the little extra effort needed to make a good play. In seduction, same thing.
Now, you can improve your game and fundamentals, such that you can do better even when you are tired. That is indeed a worth goal. How can I unlock all of my charisma, all the time. Maybe smile more. Or not be tired. Maybe take a nap in the afternoon, to be ready for weekday nighttime dates. Also, how can I socialize, while working a pretty busy schedule with work? Maybe at work, lol. Or walking around outside, between the day at work. Just approach girls then, to get the ball rolling. Keep the social muscles up. This is a weird question but, what is the end goal of socializing?
On the plus side, I think that I did feel better as far as holding frame overall, in certain ways. Might slight smirk on the right side of my mouth seems to be good, for talking slower, being in control, thinking of things in the moment. While talking with this girl tonight, I felt remarkably free in my ability to listen to her. Like open, listening, non-judgemental, in the moment. It felt interesting. The slight smirk on the right side of my mouth seems to be helpful for listening, being quick, and overall holding frame. At work, too, it seemed to help during some conversations to "just know the right thing to say." I will have to keep doing this, and paying attention to how and when it works. Maybe this is the beginning of being smooth. Being able to say the right thing at the right time, on the tip of the tongue, all the time. I will keep practicing it.
Taking a step back, I feel like I have made meaningful progress over the last, say, month or so. I have gone on a lot of dates and figured some new things out. I'm learning each time I go out, although frankly I'd like to learn faster, lol. But the journey continues, and it is indeed improving. If I can talk to more people, through work, approaching on the street, on dates I set up, in other situations, I can really master this stuff. Or at least get better and better at it. And to get better as fast as possible.
For this date, the girl seemed to be closed-off. Maybe this is auto-rejection. Chase talks about this a good bit. Balancing attainability with value. What is value, though? No idea. Just tell me some tactic to do, I'll figure the theory later, lol. I know, given all that I've been doing recently, that I can get better and better at this socializing and dating stuff. For example, I've done so many dates, talked about so many of the same things with girls, that it is starting to get second-nature. I don't know if that's good or not. It certainly makes for more predictable conversation. Sometimes I feel like I am years behind most people socially. Yes, there are common topics that people like talking about. That's not a surprise. I guess my point is, if I can make everything about socializing, including the process of turning attractive women into lovers, then that will make for a pretty fun life. How can I accelerate this process, by talking to more people? Talk, talk, talk. Do more of it. That is the goal.
